#in case you're wondering how I got into med school with thoughts like this

[embarrassedanon]

The Model Patient

Eddie's friend Tony assured him that being a model patient was an easy and painless way to make a few extra bucks on the weekend.

Tony had been given an index card with of symptoms to memorize and assigned a handful of medical students who clamored to be first to diagnose him. Sounded easy enough.

When Eddie pulled up to the medical school that Saturday morning and saw his index card his heart sank. The card's directive was simple yet humiliating.

patient seeks treatment for persistent painful rash on gluteal epidermis

Surely this was some sort of joke Eddie thought. Tony only had to pretend to have the flu, but he had some crazy butt rash. He was going to have to spend the whole talking about a butt rash with these medical students...

Before he could contemplate any further, the director of the model patient program barged into the room looking down at his clipboard.

"What are you doing still dressed?" the disheveled director said barely even looking up at Eddie. "Come on, strip down completely and put on the gown."

"Completely? No one said anything about being naked."

"The students need to grow accustom interacting patients as they'll actually be in real life. If you're going to be a problem can you just go, I've got like a million things to do."

As quick as he arrived the director was gone and Eddie found himself standing in the cold room in nothing but a paper thin gown.

The next 90 minutes were perhaps some of the most embarrassing of Eddie's young life. A revolving door of young, bookish, nerdy, wannabe dermatologists, the types of guys Eddie teased in school came and poked and prodded his exposed backside.

The line between fact and fiction quickly blurred as the simple index card diagnosis gave Eddie no answers for the med students exhaustive questions about his condition.

Not much of an improviser, Eddie was answering honestly engaging with questions about how sweaty his butt got, his habits of shaving his butt cheeks, and what type of underwear he wore. These doctors were intent on finding the cause of his phantom rash.

The invasive questions were nothing compared to the physical exams. Latex gloves did little to insulate cold hands. The students massaged, squeezed, and in one case even parted his cheeks, hoping to get full points for successfully completing a thorough exam. The embarrassment was physically painful for Eddie.

Worse were the students attempting to make him feel comfortable and break the ice. He cringed and broke out into a full body blush as he heard "well I don't have to ask about your exercise habits, it's clear your squatting?" or "No wonder you came in to see about this rash, it's totally cramping your style as you show off that thing."

When the final student finished up, Eddie quickly got dressed, anxious to get home and shower off the embarrassment of the whole ordeal. He entered the lobby where all the students were gather comparing notes from their respective exams. They all looked up at him and sheepishly smiled.

The way they looked at him made him totally naked again. He collected his envelope of cash, feeling cheap and used. He headed to the exit, the future doctors lingering stares on his ass felt hot enough to burn through the seat of his pants. Unbeknownst to Eddie the stress of this ordeal was already forming the faintest hives, exactly where he least wanted them.

It wouldn't be long before his cheeks were getting examined for real.

#full moon #enm #text post #medical #my writing

[dilatorywriting]

not a request!!

omg hello, greetings, salutations 👋 i just wanna say i love your work so much😫 like uhhhhhhhh.

i’m also very curious as to what got you into writing.

another thing while i was stalking looking through your blog, i remember a ask you answered asking if you were a writer professionally, to which you said you were in veterinary school (i’m thinking about doing that but i’m vv hesitant about it) so i was wondering what experiences you have with it / if you have any thoughts or warnings for people interested in the field.

also- reaper rook👁️👁️

how do you always write so good?? like 😫😫🫶🫶🫶 keep writing bb, you’re so deliciously amazing at it. can’t wait for your next update 🫦

Ahhh so many things!!

I got into writing because I was an Angsty Sad Child. I had a very strict upbringing and learned that while privileges for many things can be taken away, you can't ever really take away notebooks/paper scraps!! Which sounds... so so depressing lol. I promise I wasn't like locked in a cupboard or anything. Just the more normal side of Meh. I wrote all the time even when I was really little (like elementary school bean), but the Big Turn Around was I got in trouble reading in class when I was in seventh grade, so I was banned from reading during school. So I just started writing my own stories in my notes like ah ha. Take that, evil overlords. Try and stop me now. And here I am today. A menace. But yes. That is my Tragic, Villain, Origin StoryTM.

As for veterinary school, I'd say my biggest advice on choosing to or not to go for it isn't about whether you love animals (though obviously that helps), but you do really, genuinely, have to love medicine too. Like I knew a couple people who dropped out year one because they couldn't handle the gore, for lack of a better word. It is not playing with puppies and handing out meds. There will be dead things. There will be surgery. You're going to have to deal with some really messed up and traumatic situations. Loving animals is my drive, and I want to save all the fluffy things naturally. But I also have always really been a person who likes puzzles, and someone who can handle tough situations and squeamish things well. Those are the big things. Because you can be as gung ho about helping the fluffs as you want, but if you're going to completely breakdown when you encounter your first case of potential abuse or when you have to explain to someone that their new puppy is going to have to be put to sleep, this is definitely not the profession for you. It's so, so, hard. But in my opinion it is so, so, worth it.

#Asks

[urghost-andurboo]

Hiya! I was wondering if you knew of any literature about reforming the psych system because I agree its broken AF and as someone who's a part of it I want to be able to do better. No worries if not, I just saw posts you've reblogged and thought you'd be a good person to ask!

i do have some recommendations!

"mind fixers: psychology's troubled search for the biology of mental illness" by anne harrington and "comfortably numb: how psychiatry is medicating a nation" by charles barber both give a history of the medicalization of mental illness and critique the biomedical model. (hint: there's a lot of BAD science that makes up the core of psychiatry - the evidence for there being a biological basis for mental illness and psych meds working at all is very flimsy.)

the disorderland podcast debunks bad science, especially pop science, talks about the commodification of mental health, and explores whether the symptoms we pathologize are actually symptoms.

"madness and oppression" by fireweed collective is a workbook that helps you see how you're not crazy -- you're oppressed. it looks at how what a psychologist/psychiatrist would consider a symptom is actually a very rational and normal response to being oppressed.

"on your own: patient-controlled alternatives to the mental health system" by judi chamberlain is written by a psych survivor, and goes into her own experiences as well as what alternatives exist to the system. great for learning about peer support!

"stolen" by elizabeth gilpin is a memoir by a psych survivor. she was abducted and taken to a "treatment" program in Appalachia, then went to a boarding school that functioned more like a prison with abusive group therapy. this one's good for humanizing mental illness BUT can be triggering as hell to psych survivors - so proceed with caution.

"the zyprexa papers" by jim gottstein is probably my favorite on the list, it's about how the antipsychotic zyprexa causes diabetes and metabolic disorders, and is still commonly prescribed (this is how i got diabetes). it shows how psych med regulations are not enforced, especially since zyprexa is often prescribed off-label for conditions it hasn't been shown to be clinically effective for, and has led to death in some cases.

madinamerica.com is a good site to explore for psych abolition, debunking psychology research, new psychology research that centers patient's autonomy and rights, and personal accounts of mental illness. it's been around for a decade so there's a lot of quality content to sift through!

i also recommend reading about peer support and peer respite houses - i don't have any particular books or articles about them, but that can be a good jumping off point to looking for an alternative model to the current psych system.

#i say this all with the caveat that i am a psych abolitionist NOT a reformist #i encourage you especially to read the first two #it's really important to understand that the evidence we have for mental disorders/diagnoses are vastly unsupported by the science #that aims to prove them #if you are not a psych survivor i encourage you to read pieces by psych survivors #it's important to humanize the people you're working with/learning about and it also helps paint a picture of the abuse we experience #i HOPE that after engaging with the system you start to see that it's not broken it's working as intended #psychiatry is a form of social control #it is dehumanizing #it inherently takes away your autonomy because diagnoses call your capacity to decide things for yourself into question #we are often belittled #told we're crazy #minimized #talked over #told we couldn't possibly make responsible decisions for ourselves #ETC #AND psych wards function as a prison #like there is no way for the system to be reformed because the system is based on the idea that there is something inherently wrong with us #and there isn't #the symptoms we experience are actually NORMAL parts of the human condition #psych abolition #antipsychiatry #actually delusional #actually disabled #actually psychotic #mad

[robynrileyart]

12 and 16 for character of your choice :D (or cause i just saw him o'connelly if thats how you spelled it)

character developing questions!!! // @tacticaltaxonomist

oh HIII thank you so much for sending me some questions!!! o'connelly is my baby boy call of duty oc who was first born in my soapghost fanfic series 'CRUSH.' over on ao3 :') he's in both POVs of the CRUSH. fics, and in GLASS DELUSION. too as a little cameo! at that point, he wasn't anything major. he was really just a side character i didn't care about to fill out the action scenes. BUT! he's grown on me and now he's all i think about so i'm very excited to get to talk about my boy o'connelly ♥

12. In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

first things first: connie is NOT a calm man. he's constantly stressed out and while at work, he's tense. serious. almost sombre. outside of work or during downtime, he's a lot more relaxed and can laugh with people, but for the most part, and for his entire life, connie accepts that his neutral emotion is to be stressed. despite that, though, he's got a very calming presence and is great at deescalating situations. connie is the medic you want tending to you if you're hurt, that's for sure. he will tailor the care to the individual's perceived needs. BUT despite looking so, he is not calm at all in those situations. he's in control, but not calm.

the most calm he's ever ever been has got to be some time when he's with someone else. if he's by himself, he's thinking everything over and that rarely results in much peace. also, if he's with someone, he feels safer in case something happened. so i'll say he's watching a movie on the couch with his boyfriend, snuggled in close. so he's distracted by the movie, feeling safe because Rush (@/ithinkthiswasabadidea's oc!) is there and he's getting cuddles. all connie's needs are met, he's content. until someone does some really bad medical work in the movie and then he's annoyed because HOW HARD IS IT TO RESEARCH THAT???

16. Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

HAPPINESS. success IS happiness for him. if you'd have asked him early on in his life, though, he would have said success would have been a nice house, good money, to be married. but with all of that in perfect reach in his early twenties, he realised that success isn't as easily defined. he had been engaged at the time to someone he loved who would also become a doctor. they'd have a nice house, they'd make very good money, and they'd be together. but as he looked further down the path, he wondered about how kids fit into their allotted agenda. maybe zach would be interested, but what would the world look like with little zachs running around? a lot more stuck up, probably, and less accepting.

(this was the first in a series of red flags that connie picked up on in his final year of med school, that suggested he wouldn't be a good fit with zach. connie loves kids, and knew he'd want them too if possible, but zach isn't a parent kind of guy. he's never wanted kids. he doesn't express his love or his thoughts easily.)

anyway. did success mean a family? not necessarily, but it is something he always hoped for. connie did a lot of soul searching instead of revising during the exam period (BEEN THERE), and he realised that the nice house was just a building, and the money would sit in a bank account, and even the marriage was seeming less attractive. when he decided to change careers, though, he hadn't intended for it to break the engagement. he was really shocked by zach's negative reaction to connie wanting to join the military and ultimately they split up. honestly? connie kind of wasn't that upset about it. he has the opportunity to start afresh, even if that means not having the man he had assumed would be there through thick and thin by his side.

in the army, connie's expectation that he will live a long life is completely cut short. he doesn't like to think about it, but genuinely lives every day as if he could just die on duty tomorrow. not an unreasonable thought, really, but it means that in order to feel fulfilled in his life, he has to redefine success. it is easily attainable, almost everyone manages to achieve it. success becomes survival. and when he's emotionally stable enough that he can give himself room to hope, success will eventually become happiness. he isn't happy in the military, he is always stressed, but he is sometimes happy off duty. and he's happy when he gets to call his family, or hang out with his boyfriend and not have to think about work.

in the future, when he's out of the military, he thinks of himself as successful. as it happens, he has a nice house, and good money, and a loving marriage. he even has kids! but besides all of that, he's happy. (he's still stressed, don't get me wrong, but he is more commonly in the position to see the happiness in every day.)

#tacticaltaxonomist #hcs #asks #steven o'connelly #OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BOY I KNOW U DIDNT ASK FOR THIS ESSAY AJSDHJSHDJSHD im so sorry for going OFF i just got excited to talk about my boy #ahhh tysm for the question!!!!! ♥♥♥

[mud-castle]

Hi mud not to be a downer but recently some un-nice things have happened to me and I was wondering if you had any tips on how to keep motivated when you lose motivation. The specific events have zapped away some of my drive for drawing (and acting) at the moment. And I was hoping if you had any tips on how to get over that. Sorry if this is a bit intrusive. Hope you have a great day!

Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that.

First and foremost, always take care of your needs first. Have you eaten? Drank water? Slept enough? Taken your meds? You come first. Sometimes when you've had a really bad time you don't need to draw, you just need to take time to process, maybe cry, maybe sleep, maybe eat, hang out with friends, etc.

If you're good on these fronts, then I've got some advice, I'm not sure how good it will be, but it's what I usually do.

So, if I had a bad day and/or I'm feeling just sad, I usually draw something simple that makes me happy. Could be flowers, hearts, patterns, eyes, etc. I really like expressions so I usually default to this (school kinda really sucks so my notes just have sketches all over them). It could help you pull up enough motivation to draw what you intended to, it could not, but it usually makes me feel a little better.

If I'm trying to get something specific done, something I do is I just tell myself to at least sketch the guidelines of the pic. It kind of tricks my brain because I hate leaving guidelines as is in case I come back later and forget what/who I'm drawing. So I tell myself to add just a few more details just to flesh it out so I know what to do when I come back later. But now it looks kinda messy, so I erase and remark some parts/ add another layer to clear everything up and oop I'm suddenly making the thing. Going step by step instead of thinking of the whole process at once helps.

If it's for an au or story of some sort, something that really helps me is writing it down. My brain is usually making things seem larger than they need to be, but when I write down what I want to draw it kind of just grounds me. And it also gets me excited to put the words into actual visuals, because my brain has an idea of what I wanted to draw, but the writing specifies what I'm doing.

Changing the media used can also help. Personally, sketching on paper that's not meant to be drawn on (e.g. notebook paper, graphing paper, etc.) is mentally easier than doing digital. I think it's cause when I'm drawing digitally I'm subconsciously expecting it to be fully polished by the time I'm done, but when I turn to like notebook paper, I know it's going to stay a sketch so I'm not too worried about it. And if I really like it, I snap a picture, send it to myself, and pull it up on my art software so I can polish it up.

If the thought of drawing actually just makes me freeze from stress I just don't. It's alright to just not draw sometimes, you're not obligated to. It's hard for me to recognize when I should just stop trying to make myself do it, considering I post online on multiple blogs so there's kind of a feeling of expectation you subconsciously put on yourself. Occasionally I step back and just sort of tell myself "I don't want to draw right now, and that's okay." And taking that stress off your shoulders does wonders.

Same with having a really bad time, and not feeling up to it. Again, always take care of yourself first and foremost. The pencil isn't going anywhere.

It takes time to know when you should push through the lack of motivation to draw, and when you're just doing more harm than good by trying to force yourself Lord knows I'm slow to recognize it in myself.

I really hope this helps, and I hope you feel better soon!

[falcqns]

Not shifting related but, I’m glad that getting your adhd diagnosis has helped your mental health! 💜 from, someone who is considering whether she should seek a diagnosis herself

hi bby!! thank you so much!!

and if you feel like you want that, go for it! its definitely scary, and it took my MONTHS to work up the courage to make that phone call to my doctors. theres some conflicting info out there about how to get a diagnosis, so here's what i did to get mine:

i made an appointment with the doctor for just adhd. i called and said "i think i might have ADHD and was wondering if i could talk to [doctors name] about possibly getting a diagnosis?" and they scheduled me in.

at the appointment, they had me fill out an ADHD Self Report. i don't know where you're from, but this is what it looks like in ontario:

3. the doctor came in, and we discussed why i was there, why i was searching for a diagnosis, and asked me things like "have your parents thought about getting one when you were younger?" "did your teachers ever talk to your parents about missing assignments often" "did you struggle a lot in school" and "were you in a lot of sports and activities as a child" (which i was, like 40 hours a week i was either at bible club, basketball practise, school, dance, karate, or swimming) and then he went over the checklist.

4. he said that i had hit the top few markers for diagnosing adhd in adults, and that he didn't even want to refer me to a specialist because he could see that i definitely had it. not all doctors can do this, but mine is trained in psychology, and can diagnose things like adhd and autism, but he often likes to get a second opinion just in case.

5. we discussed certain treatments available, and he gave me options for my medication. he went very in depth in explaining what exactly adhd is, how it forms, how its treated, and what the medications were and the specific doses and things and gave me his opinion, but said the choice was ultimately up to me. we made a decision based on my work and school schedule and settled on Vyvanse.

6. he did send me for some testing (bloodwork and ecg) just to ensure i didn't have any conditions that could conflict with Vyvanse and cause permanent damage, and then scheduled a follow up.

it was definitely really easy for me, but i know that its not easy for everyone. i know some people spend years trying to get a diagnosis, and i am fully aware i got lucky.

i don't know what medication you'll be put on, but if you're put on a stimulant, such as Vyvanse, here's my experience and some tips: 1. always, ALWAYS, eat before you take them. they are a stimulant, and there fore will repress your appetite. that doesn't mean you won't be hungry, it just means you wont be able to feel or recognize your hunger cues.

2. don't worry about coffee conflicting with it. coffee and sports drinks don't work for people with adhd the same way they'd work for people without it. our brains are short in dopamine, and from my knowledge and what my doctor told me (i might be misremembering), because our brains are short in dopamine, we don't get the same 'rush of energy' as a non adhd person because our brains just dont have the dopamine to provide it. your medication will provide you with that boost, so theoretically, you could condition your body to respond to caffeine by taking your meds with coffee, but dont hold me to that, i could be wrong lol.

3. prepare for a rough first week. i was on 30mg for one week, 40mg for two weeks, and 50mg for the next month, and now am on 60mg. the first week of starting each dose was rough. when the medication was working, i was fine. i have tons of energy, im happier, and a lot less anxious. but by the time 5:30 rolls around, i'm completely different. im hangry, im overstimulated, and severely irritable. this is not you being a bitch when this happens, this is just your medication, so don't feel guilty about yelling or screaming at your family, because its just a side effect, and wont last more than a week.

4. take melatonin if you cant fall asleep! it works wonders, and doesnt conflict with the meds at all.

5. you might feel an urge to stim more, and i say give into it, as long as you arent hurting yourself or someone else. so rock, flap your hands, tap your feet and hum as much as you want!

6. don't feel pressured to change immediately. it will take time, but i guarantee you'll see a small shift in yourself right away. i know i did.

7. don't feel shame for needing a break, or feeling bad because you missed a dose. as long as you are taking the medication regularly, it will work! my best friend was diagnosed a week after i was, and only takes hers monday-friday, because thats when she needs it. she also likes to party a lot, and is a drinker, and her meds can conflict and cause some problems, so she doesnt take them! but she takes them mon-fri, and they still work. your meds and your body are yours, and you know yourself better than anyone else. if you need a break, take that break. you'll feel better.

i hope this helped, my love, and good luck on getting your diagnosis. it may seem scary, but the scariest part is taking that first step. i believe in you, good luck! <3

#ava's anons #adhd

[wildernessuntothemselves]

i’m in med school too so i don’t know if this would be of any help but: get ready to fail on tests and have teachers be so demanding of u. you would be feeling as if you were a robot who cant do no mistakes. in highschool i was at my top, had the best grades and even got a scholarship. the moment i started med school it was the HEAVIEST and teachers are going to be RUTHLESS with you. i don’t know how are teachers in other parts of the world but in here they ask you questions about everything till you crack. I had this professor, who was a neurosurgeon, who would ask us in the labs about the sulci and parts of the brain. if you managed to answer him he would ask you even more, he wouldn't stop until he saw that you knew enough. he did this especially to prepare you once you got to the hospital rotations (i’m not sure how you say it in english ?). you really need to learn stuff in such a short span. you will need techniques to memorize. mnemonics are the best! also, after finishing a class go directly to review it and during the week gradually study it together with other subjects. having study groups is the best too. in my case the med school library became my second home. the amount of pressure is insane. there’s a crazy amount of learning you have to do because you will be dealing with LIVES. human lives. but what you really need is the mindset. the mental state of medical students is low, so make sure you prioritize your health whenever you can! in my experience, before entering medicine i worked as best as i could on my mental health and relaxation techniques for stressful situations. however, it doesn't mean you won’t experience this anymore in medical school, so you need to have techniques or know what to do in case of an episode (whether it's depression, anxiety or stress). get ready to fail, demand the best of yourself (always), have a support system, be open about learning, and give a warm welcome to years of no social life outside of school lmao. overall is exhausting and when people are giving you a warning is not out of exaggeration. I say this because I thought so at the beginning and I was so wrong.

(sorry for any grammar mistakes, i’m not a native english speaker!)

yesss the imposter syndrome hit me HARD in med school. when you're in school you're the top student. you're the smartest. everyone tells you how gifted you are and how you're gonna achieve so much. and then you get to med school and everyone around you is smart and gifted, even more than you, and for the first time in your life you feel stupid and inadequate and you start wondering if you're actually smart at all or if you somehow tricked all those people into thinking you're something you're not. my professors weren't actually bad like you're describing but that differs per school but I remember one time during my peak imposter syndrome days I was sitting in class, knowing nothing while seemingly everyone else around me knew everything and the professor stops the lecture to say "if you don't know this stuff already at this point then quit because someone else deserves to be in your place" and fuck I was devastated

great advice on the reviewing everything as soon as you get back thing because things pile up FAST in med school. you don't think it would be so bad but it is and you'll really thank yourself later that you'd looked over the material while it's still fresh. study groups or even just a study partner are another great idea. i never used to study with anyone, couldn't do it, but by the end of med school me and my study partner were pulling each other by the bootstraps. i couldn't have done it without him

+++the social life thing. I thought it wouldn't matter to me because I am a huge introvert but at some point the only thing you'll be doing in your life is studying. your life will revolve around med school and you won't have time to do anything else. and not only just in med school. as a doctor you'll never stop studying or taking tests. yeah the pressure of needing to pass in order to graduate will be gone but you'll still need to study so much that people take weeks off from work just to study for those tests. i just recently had to take two months off work in order to study and take a test. not to mention that you'll be expected to work your ass off the first few years after you graduate in order to learn and gain experience and because consultants aren't going to be the ones to work most patients so say goodbye to your 20's. by the time you come up for air you'll be well into your 30's

and yeah this is all not said just to scare you but because it's true. i too scoffed at the people who told me how hard med school is and continued scoffing at them my first two years. yeah it was hard but it was manageable but boy was I wrong. you won't know what hit you until it's too late :')

so yeah take care of yourself mentally because you'll need the fortitude

#mort talks

[celibibratty]

This movie is funny cuz at the first time that you watched you get angry/makes you feel betrayed, me and marina first watched on 2017, and i remember that we got soooo mad(i mean it, was very very mad, it's rare ocassions that I/we got this mad)💢🔥(and to make worse mom out nowhere appears and was trying sugartalk the situation of the movie, trying to justify to us, LET US BE MAD ABOUT IT, geez), but watching again 7 years later(yeah, since then we never rewatched It)i/we didn't get mad at all, it was funny, but marina saw some people reviews, and she said that people seem to also got mad too(at least we from the past weren't the only ones😒), cuz okay the dude loved the other girl😒(i personally found hilarous how much those two take a childhood relationship so serious, japanese people and their logics), it's seems as if is a common thing of this movie, you will feel betrayed/angry(i don't care cuz it's right!, the bald dude it's better)

We were exactly like this girl, i felt i couldn't talk, my tummy used to hurt so so much(so much that at that time we used to take a stomach ache med everyday before going to School...and nowadays i don't take it anymore), my voice used to gets trembling when i talked in social situations, people referred to us as "mute" cuz i/we said any word, the scene when the girl talks for the first time in class and the whole class get impressed(saying things like "is that (...) Voice?is the first time i see her talking", "i thought she didn't know how to talk", ugh, it was exactly like this, i hate it💦, are innocent reactions/comments, but it feels so humilating

The way the mother treats the girl, ugh, it hits me/us too, is this thing of passively saying that "you're weird and stop with that"(the person can't control It, it's a process, i hate it, you get traumatized by people and then people expect you to act normal towards others as if it was nothing, it's inside of us, it's difficult), i find insteresting of our case is that we used to care so less to our parents saying this/they orders, that they even stop it saying it/trying("look at people eyes", "talk normal", never tried to do any of their orders), the part of the car, the mother thanking the school as if the girl didn't was capable of find/keep connections because she worked hard to socialize, cuz "she is weird, nobody would want to stick with/be friends with her, she is not capable of find friends", it's only School and the others to be praised, not the girl cuz in the mother's vision the girl has no courage, has something about this scene that it was so...urgh...

There's something so interesting and messed up about the fact that the girl believed that what would cure her "curse" would be love, but what really made her"curse" break was having her heart-broken/get into a very stressful situation, it was her limit, she had a big attack, that caused the egg to break/explode(the egg to me is her heart, it breaked a little in previous scenes, she was getting comfortable, as if was her heart opening up little by little, but in this moment, it breaks of hurt, it's rush It, and what has inside is not a empty/clean "egg", it's spills blood as if was opened bruttaly)i wish i could explain better💦

I still wonder what supposed to be the scrambled eggs? I think its mixed emotions, numbness, forget everything, mess everything up

This...scene...hurts 💧

this is more mine interpretation, cuz idk if this is the message that the movie wants to deliver🙄, but i find funny that the girl always likes to point that hurt words are bad and that you shouldn't say them cuz they hurt other people and you can't take it them back(which it's true), but was only when she said the hurt words that she got the strengh to go to the play, showing that express those words are also important(i wish the girl roasted her mother and her father💢, those two deserved those words indeed, but her mother and her father are literally the reason for her feeling/became like this💢, she deserved to express her anger towards them(even if her mom works hard to give her a good life)

I find interesting cuz this movie handles this trauma effect kinda well😒(i don't like those talk, but the movie is kinda about that so), cuz i think in the end the girl has no problem with talking!, I think her tummy doesn't hurt anymore!, i think she won't talk in texts anymore cuz now after that(the egg broke)she has no problem with talking anymore!, but even with that she will not be talktive/be like her kid self, she will never be the same again, it's not like in a "fairy-tale" everything super works out/end beautifully(even interesting and sad to say that cuz the girl was obsessed with fairy-tales), I find interesting that in the end we don't see the girl interacting with the boy and the other girl, personally i think after that she won't be friends with them anymore, it was gonna be just a memory of a cool thing that all of them made it together, but will stay in there, I think they'll be collegues,(but not as close as before), her relationship with her mother, i don't think will get super good/better after that, still gonna be distant, the thing that the mother now realises how much her actions affected her daughter and maybe she can try to be more pacient, but still nothing that shows in the end, in the end the curse broke, but the consequences of it still exist(pretty much like in a superation of a traumatic situation, you got over it now, but the way they affected you molded you, you can't be the same again, i mean you can be, but tbh I believe you will never be 100% like you used to be, but if is the case, it's a process)

#reflection #Hmph People referring to this girl as shy or autistic she is not shy or autistic she is traumatized she didn't born this way she become #kokoro ga sakebitagatterunda #Nossa senhora o nome desse negócio é grande pra caramba) #anthem of the heart #I find funny how the bald guy is a troblemaker and a hothead but he is actually the person with most dignity in the group

[mental-mario]

Part III: This Ain't for Me

Shockingly enough, the next morning came (at 7am with a knock to take vitals while half asleep at edge of bed), and I still wasn't "cured." Breakfast was French toast and powder eggs with decaf coffee and a side of meds. As I looked around at the other patients on the unit, most were much like myself: quiet, reserved, low energy. I don't like to say they seemed "normal" because that is an old stigma attached to mental health, but I will say there weren't many behaviors displayed except for a couple of instances. One rather tall gentleman kept jumping around, hogging the phone (probably with fake calls), and repeatedly asking everyone their names because he couldn't remember. Another patient seemed to move in slow motion and spoke inaudibly. Another paced the floor and talked to himself much of the time, as one might expect to see in a setting like this.

At 10am, it was group time! Group runs from 10-12 and then again from 1-3. "Group" in this case was not quite what I thought it would be. Patients from both units (some still opted not to go) met in a small room with two recumbent bikes, an elliptical, a treadmill, and a radio. There was also a table with playing cards and Guess Who, in case you didn't get enough of playing with yourself and board games. During this light exercise time, a member of the psych team would pull you for a one-on-one interview. Keep in mind, this has been over 24 hours since I checked into the ER, and finally getting the first opportunity to speak to someone with any authority to do anything. I spoke with the psych doc for probably 15-20 minutes while he took notes, and he was very friendly but didn't offer much insight. I then met briefly (less than 5 minutes) with the psych team, including some students and the attending physician, but this was just to reiterate what I said earlier in the one-on-one. They did say they would consider my discharge request but that legally they could still hold me for up to 72 hours after I signed the request. They also had me transferred to the front unit, which was smaller and quieter, since I don't do well with noise and had traumatic experiences in dorm living. After the interview, I had a few minutes sitting idly and zoning out. A patient at the adjacent table asked what I was staring at and yelled at me to stop. Naturally, I fired back with a, "I wasn't staring, and while we're on the topic, WTF are you staring at me for?!" This accomplished my mission of getting this person to get up and leave.

My wife came to visit me at lunchtime. I was the only one who had a visitor during my stay, and that made me even sadder. My kids were too young to be allowed to visit, and they were at school anyway. It was a surreal experience to have my wife visit and see me in this jumpsuit and in this atmosphere. She was highly supportive, but I felt deep embarrassment and shame. Still, I was happy to see a glimpse of my outside life. My wife already knew that this place was only making me worse. After lunch, which was by far the quickest hour of the day, my wife had to leave because it was time for group again! This time, they put us in teams and had us play a round of Scattergories as well as a rousing round of Jeopardy with a theme of OTC meds and remedies. If you're reading this and wondering how this was supposed to improve my mood and SI, I am still wondering as well. After that was mercifully over, we had idle time again all the way until bedtime, with the exception of dinner. We mostly sat around the dayroom area watching tv, with the highlight being when Mean Girls came on! I felt very aware of a sublime feeling in that moment of realization that I am trapped in a psych ward and watching Mean Girls. All I could do was laugh to myself. 8pm was snack time, and I got to get TWO snacks! So I chose a vanilla ice cream cup and a pouch of cinnamon golden grahams so that I could complete the nostalgic feeling of being completely controlled in my childhood. I did lose a few pounds over these few days, but I managed to gain it all back quickly when I could binge again. Anyway, my nighttime meds came on time this night, at 9pm, and I was able to go to bed from there. No reason to keep staying up. Trazodone did help me get to sleep, but my door kept opening and shutting all night. I'm pretty sure I was on 15 minute checks, even though that didn't happen the night before.

Next post will be Part IV and likely the conclusion of this story. Hopefully you've enjoyed it so far. If you have, please tip your blogger accordingly! I learned growing up that money and gifts were the way to express love, so shower your love and other bodily fluids all over me!! And while you're filling me up with your love, friend me on Switch! My friend code is on my profile page, or use the QR code in my pic. I am lonely and need more of you in my life! I'll be online either playing Shredder's Revenge or Cowabunga Collection and looking to go online! I've been on a real TMNT kick lately, and by "lately," I mean the last 30 years. The feeling of taking out my anger and frustration on a bunch of Foot soldiers just doesn't get old! Of course, that will get put away for a while come midnight Friday! I want to thank my sugar daddy/mama, who wants to remain anonymous, for their generous donation so I could afford to purchase Super Mario Bros. Wonder! I will see you online!

#actually mentally ill #mental health #mental illness #mentally disordered #super mario #video games #actually borderline #mental heath support #tw depressing thoughts #bing3 eating #tmnt #nintendo switch #nintendo #psych ward #psychology #mental hospital #hospital #pizza crust

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Journal Dump!

Finals ended over a week ago for me, but somehow I'm still feeling the effects (honestly, they're only getting worse). I think about writing for Tumblr a lot--it brings me so much joy!--but fatigue and muscle pain are reaching absolutely ridiculous levels for me, making writing difficult. I think this is because when I get started writing, I feel so wonderful and at peace that I can't imagine stopping, leading to levels of exertion that really aren't good for me. But I also really want to write, so I'm trying to be more careful about that :)

So for today, I'm just going to share some stuff I've jotted down in my personal Discord server over the past few weeks, mostly in my now-just-vents channel, which I use as a diary that I just update whenever I feel like it. I thought these were kind of cool when I looked back at them, so I hope you'll enjoy :)

1. TBL Quotes

So I've mentioned that I'm an avid reader of TheBiasList before, and I'm sure other fans will recognize that in certain elements of my style. I always love Best Of lists, and Nick's Best Songs of 2022 list featured some particulary lovely writing. Nick's writing always gets the job done, but these sentences made me more emotional than they had any right to, which was unexpected and very welcome!

Maybe Forever 1 isn’t fireworks after all. Maybe it’s a confetti drop, flanked by confetti cannons. Whatever the case, there’s a lot to sweep up after the song has finished. Specks of multicolored paper, damp with tears of resilience and joy.

Replay feels deeply, its frayed nerves sewn into every beat.

[link to the entry I got these quotes from]

2. Reader Things

i highlight and sticky-note, yet rarely look back at the stickies i leave in books except to take them out. i suppose i annotate like the person i wish to be, one who combs through pages of annotations for his reading journal, which is full of pretty, aesthetic handwriting.

3. When Life Becomes Livable (cw suicidal ideation & fantasies)

and that's what i'm used to, isn't it? knowing that this can't last long, but that nothing can so i might as well just take what i can get, no matter the cost, before the curtains come down. i'm used to watching for the end, eagle-eyed. i'm used to resigning myself to all that is impossible to live with, all that makes me want to walk forever into the sea. i'm not used to security or livability, so i watch for the end and assume i will not live, even as it begins to dawn on me that i may.

4. Some People Just Don't Care About Trans Kids, and it Fills My Bones With Fear (cw: transphobia)

To Fox News: Do you know how badly I wish to be alive? Understand me.

This was in response to an article I don't have the strength to find, one of those ones about policies that will forcefully out kids to their parents if they disclose their identites at school... For someone as frequently suicidal as myself, this couple of sentences surprised me as I wrote them. But I keep rereading them, and they keep feeling so, so true. It's the new meds, maybe :)

5. Reflections on Life without Religion

But I have a reason to live and progress and reach for those holy moments where life, my own and that of others, feels valuable in a way that rings deep in my chest. I do it all for one who loves and admires and, I dare say, designed me--my past self. Intelligent design? Not always, but sometimes. Certainly sometimes. I do it for her.

If you're curious about my religious affiliantions (really, my lack thereof), I direct you to this post!

6. Ending with Fluffy Music Content

StayC's "Love Fool" reminds me the joy of saying, "I'm excited to see you!"

This song still hasn't become a classic for me--I mean, I just love so many StayC songs so much more--but I've definitely started to see what people see in it!

#thanks for joining me on this little trip through the past few weeks! it's time for me to go back to resting now :) #six keeps on running #personal writing #journaling #thebiaslist #agnostic

[i-like-sparkly-things]

Beautiful?

A Halstead!Sister

'But they don't know. They don't know what it's like to be you. They didn't know what it was like to wake up everyday, to a body you never asked for.

A body nobody wanted.'

Warnings : eating disorder, body insecurities, body dismorphia

Requested : Yup, by anon , 'could u do a fic where she has an eating disorder? and doesn’t tell jay but then one day she passes out at school and has to tell him?'

Word count : 1.7k

Note : this took too long I don't know why 😭but yall Guess who's thankful that yall bear with my English ? me. :) and ps this is my first request!! And yall please please know that all of you are so freaking beautiful and worth fighting for. Know that you are loved and it is never, ever weak to ask for help.

**************************

The constant pain and sleepless nights were paying off. Your eyes sparkled when you saw your new numbers. It was working.

You took your diary, crossing out breakfast on the to do list after eating a banana.

This was going to be simple. check what you eat, check your weight and repeat . You knew that if you tried really hard, you would be the one in control.

Control. That's all you wanted. Such an easy, yet painful thing.

You looked to the mirror, as your hands hovered over your ribs sticking to the skin . You'd never felt so beautiful in your life. But your eyes roamed down to your thighs. The flesh of your legs were touching. It wasn't enough.

It was never enough.

'' Y/n , come on ! Move your ass! I need to get to work!! '' Jay shouted for you, from downstairs.

'' Shut uppp I'm comingg'', you yelled back.

Ever since your mom had died, dad always kept to himself leading you to stay with your brothers. It had become a routine. Jay  would drop you off at school and Annie's mom would give you a ride home.

Lucky for you , Jay was constantly busy with cases. He hadn't noticed your new diet or the mood swings.

**************************

Your teacher had started the lesson. And slowly you sensed something wrong. Your head was pounding. God why is she so blurry? You look to Anne sitting next to you and she's Blurry too. You felt your body giving up to the swaying ground.

'' y/n!! '' Annie shreiked as your limp body crashed to the floor.

****************************

'' Chuckles!? '' Trudy called out,climbing the stairs to intelligence. "Do I look like a cocktail waitress to you? Where have you been??"

"Morning to you too, sarge" Jay sighed. "and its detective"

" Well , Detective , Y/n fainted at school and wanted you to pick her up"

"What ?" he asked shocked, aldready beginning to pick up his jacket.

"Sarge" he said, looking to Voight for approval, although he would leave nonetheless. "Go."

*****************************

"Mr. Halstead" the school nurse addressed him, as he entered the clinic.

"Call me jay. Y/n, are you okay? what the hell happened?" he asked you worried.

You had never fainted before and apart from the flu every couple of years, you had a clean bill of health, as far as he knew.

"Jay, I promise I'm fine. Just got a little dizzy, that's all" you answered knowing how overprotective he can get. Now all you could hope for was that he would let this slide.

"I tried getting some food in her but she told me she was fine" the nurse explained to Jay.

God No. the the salad she offered you had so many calories.  you had made too much progress nothing was going to stop you especially a simple fainting episode. It was a minor setback but you were sure you could continue your weight loss diet.

" What, WHY? " he questioned, but just  as you were thinking of a better reply " You know what, I'm gonna take her home." he interrupted your thoughts as he spoke to the nurse.

" Only if you are sure, you're good"

" I am Jay. One hundred percent." you replied, happy to skip the rest of the school day.

It's not like you've been paying attention any ways. You'd zone out a lot during class and  your constant hunger and cramps didn't help either. But you drowned these feelings away with small sips of water and occasional slices of cucumbers.

You Craved the Emptiness. the feeling of being lighter. The feeling of being....... perfect. It was intoxicating.

Taking your school bag, Jay wrapped a study arm around your shoulders , guiding you through the school corridors and towards his truck.

"God, I can't wait to go to bed", You said climbing the truck and fastening your seat belt.

"Yeah right. I'm taking you to med" he stated. "WHAT? Jay, what the hell ? I told you, I'm fine!!"

You knew Will was working and didn't want either of your brothers to know about your new diet or how much weight you had lost. It was too late to quit. The disgusting image in the mirror was slowly getting better..... getting thinner, prettier.

"You've never fainted before Y/n, and I promise I'll get Will to run the exams and do all the tests" he assured you.

****************************

"Y/n, I thought I told you I never wanted to see you here again.", Maggie greeted, pointing a finger at you.

"Awwww  but I missed you", you pouted, " No don't do that. your brother's waiting in treatment room 3 so you better get going." she instructed and you dropped your school bag near the nurses station.

You and Jay enter the room, to a very worried Will. "Y/n, what happened?" he asked , gesturing you to sit on the bed.

"did you hit your head when you fell? Did you fall in the bathroom or something like that?", he continued, not giving you time to answer.

"what did the nurses say? are you stressed about school?" " Will-", you interrupted his rambling " I'm fine, just..... got a little dizzy."

You watched , as he took his pen light to your eyes. "Ah! Will, stop!!" You said, trying and failing to refrain him.

"You know, it'll be easier if you stop squirming" Jay commented with a smug smile. "Your not going anywhere"

"Shut up" you groaned.

You need to get out of here. What if they gave you food. What if they found out you were hungry all the time. They'd never stop making fun of you. They'd tell you that you were overreacting and that all this was so unnecessary.

But they didn't know. They didn't know what it was like to be you. They didn't have floppy arms or fleshy thighs. They didn't know what it was like to wake up everyday, to a body you never asked for. A body nobody wanted.

******************************

"Jay" Will called out, seeing him outside your room. It had been a couple of hours since you were bought in.

Will had ordered some tests, being the ass he was.

Wonderful. You just hoped that all the tests would be normal and you could get the hell out of there.

"yeah man? just needed to text Hailey, Why, what's wrong?" Jay asked, studying the worried expression on his brother's face

"It's Y/n. "

***************************

You were fiddling with the hem of your t-shirt when your brother's walked in, staring at you, as if you were a ghost.

"Y/n," Jay croaked out his voice laced with dread, "how long?"

No. No. No. This can't be happening. God, you knew that they were going to hate you forever.

"what the are you talking about?" you needed to try to get them to back away."Is something wrong?"

They were standing on either side of your bed. Jay came closer and sat down on your right the beside your knees, eyes never leaving yours.

"Your tests-" Will started, "They came back showing you have severe deficiencies. That your body is struggling to survive. That it's not getting enough food." he broke away from your gaze.

"We um-" Jay, as if almost on queue, continued."We looked through your school bag and found your diary. "

You sucked in a sharp breath and shook your head. No. He knew. They knew.

All your calorie counts, the amount of calories you can have in a day, your research on diets, workouts, to do lists, hell, even your Period Tracker was written down. (although you barely had it anymore)

That book was the reason you were finally becoming happy with yourself. Your body.

'I'm sorry', you mouthed "I'm so, so sorry" This was it. Your voice hitched, as tears flowed down your cheeks. "I was finally happy"

In an instant, your brothers were by your side.

Jay engulfed you into his chest, your words circling his mind. 'Finally?' God, you lived together! You were his sister! His baby sister! How could he have let this happen to you? How could he not have noticed that you were drowning? That you were starving yourself. What kind of brother was he?

Will rubbed your back, until your sobs became quieter. He was a doctor. A damn doctor! God knows how long this has been going on, but at the end of the day.... he failed. He failed to be there,..... when you needed him.

"Y/n, you don't have to do this. You're beautiful Y/n. You really are. And I'm sorry that anyone else has convinced in otherwise" Jay breathed out, hoping you heard him, in his embrace.

"It felt good, Jay" your voice was muffled by his shirt, but to your brothers, your voice was loud and clear.

"Did it?" You turned to Will, "Did the hunger feel good?" his heart broke saying the words out loud.

'Yes', you wanted to answer. Of course it felt good. You were getting so many compliments from your friends at school. Boys started acknowledging you now.

It was like you finally existed. You felt...... worthy.

But with all the strength you could muster up, you couldn't get the words out. Because there was always one voice that told you to quit. The voice you'd been drowning out for so long. The voice that told you, that you were in fact, beautiful.

Your mother's.

"No" you said, realizing that Will had tears in his eyes as well.

But you couldn't find a hint of shame in them, no matter how much you searched. Instead, you were met with the immense worry and guilt of your brother.

"We can help, Y/n" Will said, as he took your hand in his, "We will help and we'll be there every step of the way."

"Every step" Jay assured and you turned to him. "All you need to do, is let us in"

You weren't prepared for this. You had no idea what to say.

You didn't want to feel tired all the time, always craving for food. But the idea of going back - back to all that shame - that's what scared you.

"Y/n," Will spoke up, seeing as you were struggling to answer, "I promise you, we are going to make you feel better...... and we'll fight those thoughts of yours together."

You took a shaky breath.

Thoughts.

Your thoughts.

You had let them consume you for a long time now. Too long. maybe..... Maybe the right voice to follow, was your mothers'. "okay-" you sobbed, "okay", and once again you found yourself in Jay's arms.

You, clinging to him like your life depended on it and him holding you tight, because it did. His hand rested on your head, tangled with your hair.

Will saw a tear make its way down his brothers cheek, something he hasn't witnessed often.

Your brothers sat silently, listening to you cry. Taking in the conversation, only having a glimpse of the pain you were in.

You had a long, long road ahead but as you sat in your brother arms, you felt a sense of peace, comfort maybe.

******************************

Masterlist

#jay halstead #jay halstead fanfiction #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead one shot #will halstead #will halstead fanfic #will halstead oneshot #will halstead imagine #jay halstead × reader #jay halstead × you #jay halstead × y/n #will halstead × reader #will halstead × you #chicago med #chicago pd #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd imagines #halstead brothers #halstead sister #halstead!sister #tw eating disorder #eating disoder mention #eating disoder recovery #body dismorphia #mental disorder

[atsunflower]

Hospital for souls — The Line

Rated: SFW

Author note: I gotta nothing to say. This took me really long and I struggled a lot to write it. Thanks for being patient with me. Also, big shoutout to @neonghxst, who helped me a lot with this one. I love you bby 💕

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of anxiety and this chapter contains gore towards the end.

IV — The line

Previous || Next

"I don't wanna go" Your voice showed distaste at the invitation.

Since the fight with Sakusa, you avoided all human contact like the plague. The only ones that talked to you were the maids and, occasionally, Komori, who had warmed up to you since you saved his ass — to be honest, you weren't very fond of his change of character.

"Listen, you're the new lady of this household." Komori explained in a tired manner."This gala is held every year in some sort of diplomatics, to grant no family crosses the line. All the important members must make a presence."

"Yeah, but I'm sure no one cares if I don't show up." You deadpanned looking at his face.

"It's just a fancy ass party. I'll take you to get a dress myself, but I gotta run some errands and find a suit too. If I'm late, then Izuna will take you." Komori saw you stiffening when you heard the name. Ever since you arrived in Itachiyama, Izuna was the most hostile towards you. "Hey, don't worry about him... He'll be nice."

"I gotta remind you that no one has been nice to me since I came here, Komori-san." You stated the obvious and the male before you grimaced.

"Look, we're not as bad as you think. Neither we are some sort of low life criminals, you know." His voice sent shivers down your spine. The hazel-haired man has been treating you better, yes, but you could tell the words you said to Sakusa that day affected him too.

"Yeah. But you all did nothing to prove me wrong." You stared at his eyes, the sincere tone meaning each world "If anything, all you did was make me miserable even though I'm not a threat. And you know it." You saw when the hazel haired male shook his head, face softening a little.

"I'll be back in a few." And then, Komori left. 

To your relief, it was Komori himself who showed up at your bedroom door. Now, you were at some boutique somewhere in the fancy side of Shibuya, trying a beautiful strappy off-white dress.

You loved how the silky cloth hugged your body and how the pearly color complimented your skin tone. Definitely, it was the propper gown for an event as important as a mafia gala.

Taking in the figure reflected in the mirror, you recalled the last time you wore something so fancy was at your wedding. Suddenly, you felt ugly — after all, you were a woman of surgical scrubs and white coats. Wearing something like this dress was a reminder of what kind of life you were living now.

"[Name]-san, have you decided?" Komori asked with an undecipherable look on his face. 

"Ah, yes, I'm taking this one" You said to the salesperson, already getting back to the changing room.

From the inside, you heard a knock on the door. It was Komori.

"[Name], are you good?" He asked in a soft spoken manner, as if he was concerned.

You know it's not the case, don't let your guard down, you reminded yourself.

"Yes, Komori-san. Are we ready to go?" He hummed in agreement, saying he was going to do the payment.

The two of you had yet to arrive in Itachiyama. The silence was heavy inside the car and you could see the man opening his mouth as if he was trying to say something.

"I never asked, did you see a doctor?" You started, breaking the unnerving atmosphere.

"Ah, yes. I'm all good, no sequels or whatever." He cleared his throat, side-glancing at you "Those guys took us by surprise that night, huh? We were lucky you were there to help us out." You hummed, staring at his elbow, as if you could see through the material of his jacket.

"I shouldn't have opened your arm that way. It was really irresponsible of me to do it and it was a miracle things ended up well."You said in a reflecting manner.

Does she regret saving me?, Komori couldn't help but wonder.

"The doctor I saw said the surgery was perfectly executed, so don't beat yourself over it. Besides, I can see the passion you have. You'd make it right anyways." The male said truthfully and you frowned. You didn't want his trust because he would never have yours.

You also didn't like the appreciative tone he used. A doctor isn't a hero, You reminded yourself everyday, to never let it go to your head.

"I'm passionate, but it's about my personal ethics, you don't need passion to be good at what you do. I think you know it very well." You still frowned, not liking what he implied. You never wanted to be some sort of hero, much less to someone like him. 

"Yeah, I don't need to love the yakuza to be good at it. But I don't think a passionless person would make a good doctor." He argued, trying to prove his point.

"In my line of work, a mistake costs your whole career. Passionless and unethical people exist everywhere, a hospital isn't a sanctuary." You said matter of factly — it wasn't about the romantic lenses people saw the health workers. After all, medicine was a field made majorly of people with the means and the money. You learned it the hard way when you made into med school.

"Why would you say that?" The traffic light signalled to stop. The Kobun used this opportunity to take in your figure, eyes roaming over your crossed arms and unfazed features.

Duty takes a toll in everyone, huh?, He internally stated.

"Because I know someone. And as passionless someone could be, he's still the best at what he does." And Komori didn't miss the feeling displayed in your eyes.

It wasn't merely passion. Something deeper resided in those irises of yours.

An awkward silence overtook the atmosphere as the car resumed its movement. He felt uncomfortable, trying to figure out what you meant.

"Well, what matters is that everything ended up well. Who would have guessed they would attack us that night?" Komori conceded, trying to break the unsettling quietness.

"Yeah, this whole yakuza thing is really scary." You said looking through the tinted window, a pensive look in your face.

"You'll get used to it. And it doesn't happen on a daily basis either" He brushed you off, turning in a curb.

"Yeah, but ignoring the threat isn't an easy task." You retorted, tiredly.

"How do you know it? Besides, since you're our lady, it's not like we'll let  something happen to you." The brunette said, in hopes of comforting you. It had the opposite effect, as a silent rage ran down your body.

"Komori-san, how do I know?" You bitterly laughed "My whole life, I was at the line. My mother didn't want me to be born, Inarizaki wanted my head since I was in the womb and you guys will get rid of me at any given opportunity." You saw him opening his mouth to argue "Your household won't protect me if the order comes from Sakusa." 

As if in a cue, the car approached the gates of Itachiyama. Komori was rendered speechless, knowing you were right.

Personally, you weren't one to offend people and make them feel bad. You couldn't help the pang in your chest every time you exploded at any of them. But by god, were you tired.

I just want my life back, you thought. After all, it was infinite times easier to be a target when you were somehow detached from the life inside the families. The Kobun said something you paid no mind to.

Banging the car door shut, you ignored his calling.

The nagging feeling was a constant in his life.

Roaming through his memories, he could never pinpoint a time he felt comfortable under his skin. He was too anxious and life never treated him kindly to do so.

Maybe he overreacted a lot, too. But it wasn't his fault he had to be hyper aware of his surroundings.

The alert state was essential in an ambience full of people who could stab him in the back.

Fuck the diplomatics, he cursed.

It was one of those nights he hated the most. The suntuous ballroom was full of people going back and forth, bragging about futilities and throwing insincere flattery at each other. All because the ever so generous Karasuno was hosting a dinner at The Crow to assure no one disturbs the deal between the families.

Bullshit, he thought. It's only Karasuno trying to show off their influence over this frail peace.

And, as much as he appreciated said peace, he hated how everyone faked they got along with each other.

Not that he cared about politeness either. And his signature scowl did nothing to keep people away. After all, everyone wanted a piece of Itachiyama.

"Kiyoomi." The ravenette heard the deep voice from his back. A wave of relief washed over him.

At least, Wakatoshi-kun is here. I won't die from boredom, He mused.

"Wakatoshi." He responded, nodding at the other. From outside Itachiyama, Ushijima was the only one Sakusa considered a friend.

"I thought you wouldn't come tonight, I know you don't really like the crowd."

"People would find weird if I didn't, considering Inarizaki and everything."

"Speaking of which, did you bring your wife?" Ushijima asked, looking around. Sakusa nodded before speaking.

"Yeah, she went to the restrooms. Komori is with her." And speaking of the devil, you came into view.

He knew you had a fine taste for things, and he would be a fool to say you didn't look good tonight. But he would never admit it.

A Miya isn't worth you time, he repeated it like a mantra, observing as you made your way onto him.

Komori enthusiastically greeted Ushijima and you merely nodded out of politeness, looking at the bulky male with caution. Given Ushijima's intimidating vibes, Sakusa couldn't really blame you.

"I see you're Sakusa's wife. I'm Ushijima Wakatoshi." He offered his hand at you "It's a pleasure to meet you"

"Likewise, Ushijima-san" You introduced yourself as the Oyabun of Itachiyama watched the scene unfold before him, recalling how his friend was the blunt and introverted type. He couldn't help but admire the way the two of you conversed smoothly; earning Ushijima's sympathy required effort. You did it with ease.

"She's a good woman." Sakusa didn't see when your conversation died down and Ushijima turned to him. He found himself dumbfounded at the other's statement.

"She's a Miya"

"She worked with Shirabu. He spoke highly of her" A waiter passed by offering them whiskey. The rich scent of Yamazaki reached his nostrils as he drank it, throat used to the burning sensation "And you know he's not one to lie."

"Still…" His retort was halted when he felt the weight of a gaze on him. In the far corner of the room, none other than Oikawa Tooru had all his attention turned to the general direction of you all "What is he looking at?" He squinted at the brunette's direction, trying to make out his intentions.

"He seems to be looking at your wife" Ushijima bluntly spoke "But don't worry about him, Oikawa may have his reasons. He is a reliable man, after all."

"You're indeed soft today. What happened?" The other opened his mouth to respond before being interrupted by a startled voice.

Your husband was doing a good job ignoring you while speaking to Ushijima — you wouldn't complain, since you didn't want any of his attention.

Listening to Komori speaking wonders of the whiskey he was drinking, you felt a little at ease. You imagined the gala to be much scarier than this, but all you could see was snotty people too full of themselves. It was almost comical hearring them bragging about things you couldn't even dream of.

"This is a 25 years old Yamazaki. It's a favorite of mine and Kiyoomi—"

"Is this real life?" A surprised voice cutted Komori's middle sentence.

Before you, a handsome man looked appalled, staring at you with an emotion you couldn't identify. You were feeling uncomfortable as everyone around you was paying attention to your interaction.

"I'm sorry, sir. But am I supposed to know you?" You asked, in hopes to remember if you knew him by any chance. He beamed brightly at you.

"Of course you wouldn't remember me!" And he laughed again, earning a frown from your husband.

"Do you have any business to do with my wife?" Sakusa's cold-steel voice asked. The pretty man ignored it. And, at this point, everyone in the area stopped their actions, watching the scene with interest.

"I'm Oikawa Tooru, the Oyabun of Seijoh. Two years ago, you saved my nephew's life in an accident at the Dinosaur Bridge, only using a needle. After it, you held his hand until the ambulance came." The man bowed deeply, and only now you noticed he was accompanied by another spiky-haired male, who was also bowing at you. Observing them, you faintly remembered saving a little boy in a traffic accident a couple of years ago "For that, I'll be forever thankful. In return, I wanted to say you have Seijoh's gratitude whenever you need it." He stood tall again, staring at you dead in the eye to confirm he meant every single word he said.

You were speechless.

"I… sir, I'm thankful, but I did what had to be done. You don't owe me anything." You said uncertainly, glancing at the startled faces of both Komori and Sakusa. Ushijima looked fondly at you, as if he knew something.

"You had a choice that day, and you choosed to help us when we couldn't do anything. And it's enough for us to pay you back." The spiky-haired man said. It was rare for someone to address you with so much respect and sincerity. You appreciated it wholeheartedly.

"I— thank you." And you bowed at them, trying to show your gratitude to both males.

"Well, we won't disturb you anymore. Please have a good night" The Oikawa guy said, handing you a business card which you secluded inside your clutch.

"See?" You heard Ushijima saying, but you were too stunned to register it.

You didn't have time to process the event, as someone announced the dinner was about to be served.

"Seijoh's favour, huh? You sure are skyrocketing this mafia thing." Suna said, sitting on the chair on the opposite side of the table.

You all were addressed to a table with ten seats. It looked like Itachiyama was paired up with Inarizaki and another household you were yet to discover. The atmosphere was already stiff, as Sakusa kept throwing dirty glares at the twins.

"Impressive how you're doing well inside the yakuza. I thought you weren't going to last a month." Atsumu snickered as Osamu and the others ignored everything around them, getting ready for the dinner.

You mimicked their actions before Izuna joined you; you tensed seeing him taking the seat by your left.

Sakusa sat by your right, side-glancing at you. It looked like he had a newfound interest since the interaction with Oikawa earlier.

To your surprise, Seijoh was addressed to your table. Though, both Oikawa and Iwaizumi — Suna let you know his name and the fact he was also a Kobun — said nothing, sensing the tension hanging in the air.

None of the men said anything as the food started to be served. Instead, they busied themselves with the entree, keeping the smalltalk inside their household circle.

You heard Osamu saying something about the wine but you didn't register it. Soon enough, the waiters brought the main course in silver trays.

It smelled fabulous and your mouth watered at the scent.

"A lovely meal for the lady. Please enjoy it, I'm sure you won't forget this occasion." The blond waiter said, as he uncovered your plate. You took in the deep red sauce made of berries and the way the meat was perfectly cooked.

With fork and knife in hand, you went for it.

And indeed, you wouldn't forget the occasion.

Sliding the meat over the plate, you noticed it  hiding something. The scream was caught in your throat as you recognized the obnoxious structure, because years of unveiling the human anatomy would never fail you.

The cutlery clattered in the porcelain surface, spilling the sauce all over you. The white of your dress was now tainted with crimson, as if blood seeped out of your chest.

But you didn't even feel it. All you felt were hands shaking your body, trying to draw some reaction from you. The screams also came in a white noise through your ears, because all you could register was the sight before your eyes.

In the middle of the plate, a finger rested limp and dirty. Dead.

In a similar manner, you did too. 

Among the chaos, you sat there, also limp and dirty. At the end of a promise of death.

❥ tagging: @keekee-732 @chiibichann @captain-shittykawa @fortheloveofiwaizumi @daisyjaebae @jihoonspout @floodinginstars @fl4mepillar @trash4sportsanime @neonghxst @starrystanze @teaanbiss @hqxreader @yskomiii @shadyjinyoung @julimausi1311 @hyoonx23 @keuromi @differentballooncollection @onigiriimiya @wolfiepirate @sekshi-namjas @tomo-uwu @atsumusgf @letmegetthisclear @katokanae @cherryonigiri @ushijima-meixiu @bimboiiying @crownedcupcake17 @tvwhoresblog @thenerdyrebel @idiot-juice-enthusiast @caprolls @keijination   @wakaitoshi @clowninfortodoroki @shiningotak-ku @kemochie @lilacshouko @sehunosh @kiyoojima @shimy-deko @bap-kingdom @raenebalgaire @ricefarmerkita @rintarose @xanaxdeity @reiningsun

Taglist is closed (50/50)

#sakusa scenarios #sakusa x y/n #sakusa x reader #sakusa kiyoomi imagines #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa headcanons #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!! #hq sakusa #hq x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu sakusa #sakusa smut #haikyuu smut

[euphoriyoongi]

Clouds of the Night (I want you) j.h.s

❊ Summary:

You've been in a long term relationship with Namjoon, who you met back in your last year of high school. With him as a Surgical intern and you as a ballet dancer/florist, your life seems pretty established. Except the fact that you're in love with someone else.

❊ Warnings: language

❊ Word count: 1.4k

m.list

prev. // next.

*****************************************

The day you met Namjoon was the day you believed in love.

He was a new student that was assigned to be your lab partner in chemistry class, during your second year of High School. It was fitting of course, since you both had lots of chemistry.

Now looking back at it, it seemed pretty cheesy with how your relationship progressed but at that time, he was the definition of perfect.

He would always sit next to you quietly, not speaking a word. You were decently outgoing then, and you would try your best to get him to open up. But when you accidentally spilled some solution you were making all over your hand, he rushed to the rescue and helped you feel better. He ran you over to the sink and ran your hands under water and took you to the nurses office, where they didn't do anything for you anyway.

That was the moment you realized you liked him. His eyes were frantic with worry, and his cheeks were flush with a blush. You didn't know it yet, but you could've sworn he looked like he liked you too.

Flash forward a few weeks both of you grew closer, now doing almost everything together. He'd walk you home to make sure you got there alright, and when he noticed that you lived alone he didn't question it. He sat next to you in class and on busses, and took care of you when you were sick.

You had no idea of your feelings at this time. Namjoon was so ready to ask you out as soon as he met you, but his shy demeanor seemed to be put a hold on that.

The next year was your last year as a high school student. The first day Namjoon wasn't there.

You looked all around for him and he didn't text you to tell you he wasn't going to be in today. You were worried.

He came in the next day looking perfectly fine and you didn't think much into it.

You then got your first boyfriend. You had no idea how this was going to end and it definitely didn't last long, but Joon was very against him. You fought with him and it ended with you storming off back to your empty house without him walking you home for the first time.

The next morning at school he sat down a strawberry milk onto your seat with a slight smile. You couldn't be mad at him no matter what. He apologized for yelling at you and told you it was just his way of looking out for you.

You stayed with that awful boyfriend for about six months until you found out he was cheating on you. You ran outside at midnight and rushed to namjoon's mansion of a house where you couldn't get in because of the gate.

Until Namjoon came rushing out to hold you while you cried.

That night is what changed it all. He looked so beautiful in the moonlight. With his worried eyes and his solemn expression, you reached up to kiss him.

It could've been because of the break up. Or, it could've easily been that you were in love with him this whole time. When you kissed him he kissed back just as softly, his hands holding onto your cheeks as your lips studied each other.

After that night you two started to date. Namjoon thought it was just a rebound for you, but couldn't help  wanting the idea of dating you. So since that cold spring might, you've been dating.

Now it's the autumn of twenty-twenty-one, you both have established jobs now after college. Namjoon is now a surgical intern at a prestigious hospital, and you fulfilled your childhood dreams to become a professional ballerina dancer. Your life seems perfect, well set up, and it almost seemed like he was going to pop the question.

But something was wrong.

You weren't in love anymore. And you had a hard time believing that he was still in love, too.

What was the reason? Well, it could possibly be someone you met in your advanced ballet class back in college.

His name was Jung Hoseok.

The first day you ever laid eyes on him was the day you knew you were in deep. He walked into the dance studio and sat down near the front to stretch. You were stretching out like your usual ballerina stuff in the corner of the room on the bars when you watched him.

He had silky brown hair and wore very bright vibrant clothing as if he wanted to stand out. You knew he couldn't of been a ballet dancer with the way he dressed to come to class, but you minded your business and continued to stare at him.

There was plenty of guys in here. Each of them looking at you. But you couldn't help but ignore all of them and just pay attention to the goof who wore street clothes to a ballet class.

When he took of his sweatshirt nothing was under it, leaving his toned abs out in the open for you to look at. In your head you'd tell yourself that you had a boyfriend and you should be attracted to anyone else but...

But when a man looks like this, how were you supposed to ignore it?

Turns out he was dressed for it underneath, he must've just came from another class.

You watched him dance and sway and jump. He was amazingly talented. You wondered how in the world was someone so good? You were always the best dancer, but now you have competition.

When he finished his piece, the instructor introduced him as Jung Hoseok. He was a dance major who was already a professional dancer.

The instructor told the class that he was going to be taking this class, and you didn't listen to a word.

His eyes met yours as you should've been for using on the teacher, and he looked you up and down, staring heavily at your body. He winked at you seductively and you had the sudden urge to jump his bones. Right then and there.

The moment passed like a fleeting shadow and it began again when the instructor asked for you and Hoseok to be partners for the next assignment.

It was a couples dance, and you had to show the power of love and loss through dance. You both would have to come up with something so amazing to get a good grade.

You were to preform this at a recital then with all the other dancers. You were afraid to tell Namjoon about this one, but he's been so worried about Med School he hasn't payed you a single drop of attention in months. It didn't justify your pull to Hoseok, though. But Namjoon hasn't even said I love you in ages.

Hoseok glanced at you and then tried to hide his smile. His gorgeous brown hair was pushed back with some sort of headband and his face was covered in sweat. He walked up to you and said something you weren't expecting at all.

He smirked, standing close to you. "Want to go out with me or?" He laughed, but he was completely serious. "Or do you wanna fuck?"

You were caught off-guard. You so desperately just wanted to say yes and have him choose which one to do, but you had a boyfriend. You shook your head after looking like you were going to say yes. "I have a boyfriend."

He nodded. "Ah. I respect that." Contradictory to his words he stepped even closer, looking down to you as his breaths hit your face. "If that's the case, then we'll just research emotion for our assignment?" He said, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

You gave in to that. Nodding, you shrugged. "I don't see why we couldn't do that? It's for our grade..."

On that day, you were done for. You wanted him so bad you had to take a step back for yourself and think about what's going on.

And to figure out why it was so hard to be in love with Namjoon.

Was it because you were afraid of leaving a multiple year-long relationship? Was it because you knew him for so long?

Did you really love each other or are you in love with your pasts?

You were about to figure it all out.

#bts #bangtan sonyeondan #bts fanfic #bts hoseok #bts joonie #jung hoseok #dancer au

[protag-rantaro]

"Confusion and Familiarity" Prologue [PART 2]

Written by the amazing Mod Tai!

Darkness surrounded him.

Where am I?

He opened his eyes, but his vision stayed blurry.

What happened?

He tried to move, but he quickly realised it was impossible. I'm locked inside something?

he pushed the door in front of me as hard as he could. It took a few tries the door opened and he stood in a classroom.

"Classroom?" He talked with myself, carefully inspecting the room, trying to remember how the hell he got stuck in a locker in the first place. 

Well- it doesn't really matter now, does it?

A rumbling interrupted his thoughts, he turned his head towards the second locker and in less than a few seconds another person stumbled out of it.

He rushed over. "Are you alright?" he asked and offered his hand to the other person to help them get up.

Wait-

"W-Who are you? Where am I?" the person started panicking and refused to take the hand offered in front of him and rather pushed himself back against the lockers door.

Something feels wrong? Did this happen already? It feels familiar…

"Hey, did we already meet somewhere?" Rantaro asked bluntly and Shuichi started thinking. 

"No, no- I don't think so, but something feels wrong" he confessed with his finger pressed on his chin.

"Ah! I'm Shuichi Saihara, Ultimate Detective! Nice to meet you…?" Shuichi reached out to shake Rantaro's hand.

"I'm Rantaro Amami, Ultimate- eh? Hmm, to be honest- I can't remember my talent..." Rantaro stopped in his tracks, confused.

Why can't I remember my talent? Something is definitely wrong, but what? Hm, maybe I don't possess a talent at all?

"Oh, you can't remember? Hmm, maybe it's because of something that happened before we woke up in these lockers?" Shuichi pointed towards the lockers with a serious expression and Rantaro shrugged. 

"Maybe, but if that's the case then- what happened before?" Rantaro thought out loud and this time Shuichi shrugged and walked towards the door.

"Let's go out of here and look around" he suggested and Rantaro agreed without hesitation.

The two boys walked through the seemingly endless hallway. Rantaro tried opening ever door they passed. Sadly, without much success. He sighed frustrated.

Why is every door in this building locked? Can't it be easy for a change?

Rantaro complained in his thoughts, not showing any of these emotions on his face and kept going, until they found a weird looking dragon statue in the hallway of the school.

"Hmm, interesting" Rantaro thought out loud. "I wonder why the statue is placed in this hallway and what meaning it has" he continued and carefully, but curiously stepped closer to the statue to inspect it. 

"You're awfully interested in that statue, Rantaro" Shuichi commented and stepped closer as well. 

"Are you secretly a detective as well?" he asked and Rantaro tilted his head to the side and thought for a few seconds.

"Hmm- no, I don't think so" he answered in the end and smiled apologising.

They turned around to leave, but to their surprise stood a blue haired girl in front of them.

how did she even get here? I'm sure, she wasn't here before! Seriously, what's this? Anime logic?

"Hey?" he called out, but she didn't responded.

"Heyyy?" Rantaro gave it another try, but again- no responds.

"Excuse me, miss!" Rantaro stood in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"Are you alright?" he gently shook her shoulders and she blinked once, twice-

"That you would start shaking me- that was truly unexpected! I thought if I ignore you, you would leave" she explained, her expression calm and neutral.

Isn't that a bit rude? And I was worried about her not responding- oh well…

"But you seemed worried about me, that was kind of you... so let's talk now!" her voice and expression changed so fast that Rantaro blinked in surprise, but he shrugged it off and smiled.

"What do you want to start with? My favourite Doraemon episode is 53! The one with security cameras and target practice and-!" she started talking, but Shuichi quickly cut her off.

"How about we start with introducing ourselves? I'm Shuichi Saihara, Ultimate Detective" he started and Rantaro continued.

"And I'm Rantaro Amami, Ultimate- Well, I can't remember my ultimate talent, sorry about that" he scratched the back of his head and chuckled a little embarrassed.

"Oh, my name is Tsumugi Shirogane. I'm the Ultimate Cosplayer!" She placed her hand on her hip and smiled nicely. 

"And you can't remember your talent, Rantaro? That's too bad! I was really curious to know, since you surprised me with your actions right from the start" Tsumugi placed her hand on Rantaros shoulder this time.

"I'm sure, you will remember someday" that's all she said, before leaving. 

They both looked back at the dragon statue.

I wonder what she was thinking about while staring at this statue- guess I have to ask her later.

"Hey, Shuichi I think we will be faster investigating this whole building if we split up" Rantaro suggested and Shuichi nodded. 

"You're right" with that Shuichi left as well and Rantaro kept exploring the school and tried opening every door he could find and this one time- he was successful!

Rantaro walked into the room and was greeted by a boy yelling "Wait for mee!"

What is this? the toddler group?

"Please stop! Don't come any closer! I'm going to call the police!" the boy in white is chasing that other boy in funny clothes. 

"Aw, c'mon lemme touch your body a little~ I always wanted to have a robot friend!" the eyes of the boy in white clothes sparkled and he jumped up and down in excitement.

"Stop this! It's robophobic!" the boy in funny clothes turned towards Rantaro and pointed his finger at him.

"Are you another robophobe? Just to let you know I have a recording funktion. If you make a robophobic remark- I will see you in court!" He kept pointing at Rantaro with a judging look and he raised his hands in defense.

"Actually, I just wanted to know your names?" Rantaro laughed and the robot's eyes widden in surprise. 

"Ohh, I am K1-B0, the Ultimate Robot! But please, call me Keebo!" Keebo smiled happily and reached out his hand to shake Rantaro's. 

"Nice to meet you, I'm Rantaro Amami! To be honest I-" Rantaro got cut off by the boy in white clothes.

"That's not fair! I want to show off as well! I want to introduce myself too! I'm Kokichi Ouma, the Ultimate Supreme Leader! and by the way, Rantaro don't step too close to Keeboy here- I learned the hard way that a robot's breath smells like gasoline!" Kokichi stated and placed his hands behind his back, waiting for an answer. 

"My breath does not smell like gasoline! I'm powered by electricity! your remark makes no sense!" Keebo was obviously annoyed by Kokichi and sighed in frustration.

"Nihishishe~ I know that! I was only kidding~ but of course you wouldn't think it's funny, robots can't understand humor anyway" Kokichu played with his hair, while obviously making fun of Keebo. Rantaro sighed. 

They kinda reminds me of my sisters- 

Rantaro shook his head. That's not the right time for that.

"Don't you dare mock me! I have studied the whole history of stand-up comedy!" Keebo protested, but Kokichi only laughed more.

"Well, maybe you should have watched it instead of studying, Keebo?" Rantaro commented and Keebo gasped offended.

"That's- That's! Urgh! You know what? Nevermind! But let me tell you this- I was created by professor Idabashi, the leading authority in the field of robotics… he installed in me a strong AI capable of maturing like a human brain, that's why, when I was created, I didn't knew anything, I was like a baby and the professor raised me! That means I am just like all of you!" Keebo stated proudly and to be honest? Rantaro was impressed and listened carefully, but Kokichi didn't seemed interested at all.

"Hey, do robots have dicks?" Kokichi asked with a mischievous expression on his face, stepping closer to Keebo. "Dooo theyyy?"

"I'm not going to answer such questions!" Keebo yelled, before leaving as fast as he could and Kokichi hurried after him. 

They are weird, but they seem pretty harmless. They remind me of little kids.

Rantaro chuckled to himself, before leaving himself and decided to visit the warehouse next.

"Dammit! Where is it?" a blonde girl groaned in frustration. 

What is she doing there? Seems suspicious.

She turned around and gave him a knowing look. "Hah! I can identify pervs on sight! And you definitely fuckin' are one!" She pointed at Rantaro, but he only shrugged it off.

"Maybe, you should introduce yourself, before pointing at someone and calling them a perv- by the way, I'm Rantaro Amami" he introduced himself and smiled at her.

"Huh? S-Seriously? You don't know me? I'm the gorgeous genius whose good looks and golden brain will go down in history! I'm the one and only Ultimate Inventor herself- Miu Iruma!" Miu ended her small speech, but she continued talking like there was no tomorrow.

"I can make all kind of gadgets- ones that let you type while you sleep, read while you sleep, eat while you sleep! And now you ask yourself- why? Because I was inspired after I realised how much time we waste while sleeping!" Miu explained and it seems like she got some criticism for her do-while-you-sleep inventions judging from her performance.

"Wow, that's amazing though! You're right- people really waste a lot of time while they sleep!" Rantaro was impressed by Miu's invention ideas and smiled at her. She took a step back, not knowing how to react to that. She didn't seemed to be used to such praise.

"Oh right! You were looking for something earlier- what was it? Maybe I can help you find it?" He suggested with a friendly smile, but Miu looked annoyed.

"Are you dumb? In this kind of situation I gotta find some meds cuz I wanna trip my fuckin' balls off! I want to set my mind free and forget this shitty situation as fast as possible" Rantaro stared at her in disbelief.

What the hell

"Are you crazy? You can't use drugs to get high! You really shouldn't do that, especially not in this situation!" Rantaro crossed his arms and looked displeased. 

"EHH! I won't do it! Really, I won't! So stop being m-mad at me" Miu quickly apologised and Rantaro blinked in surprise.

There is a small line between genius and insanity, but I'm not sure where to put Miu yet…

Miu and Rantaro parted ways and he kept investigating the big warehouse, until he heard more voices from the back.

"Nyeh, are we stuck? What a paiin" 

Rantaro looked around the corner and found two girls talking with each other. One was very small with red hair and tge other one had a big green bow-kinda thing in her hair.

"Oh, I haven't told you yet, Tenko- prepare to be amazed. Fall to your knees. I am Himiko Yumeno, the Ultimate Mage!... But officially I'm called the Ultimate Magician" the short, red-haired girl presented herself with a lazy pose and well- lazy voice as well.  The other one clapped excited.

Ultimate Mage or Magician now? There's quite the difference y'know?

"Please, tell me more!" the other one, Tenko, said with shiny eyes. 

"Alriight, what a paiin- People are keeping my magic a secret by disguising it as a tricks and because of that… I became famous all over the world for performing tricks, but- but I'm not a magician! I'm a mage… nobody believes me..." she sniffed a little and the other one hugged her.

"It's fine, Himiko! I BELIEVE YOU!" she suddenly yelled as loud as she could and Rantaro almost jumped in surprise,but he decided that hiding isn't a good idea in this situation.

"Hey- I believe you too, y'know" Rantaro walked around the corner and waved with his hand. "I'm Rantaro Amami, nice to meet you Himiko and… Tenko, right?" He scratched the back of his head.

"Ah, yes! I'm Tenko Chabashira! HAIYAH! The Ultimate Aikido Master and I will protect myself and Himiko with my Neo-Aikido!" Tenko quickly finished introducing herself.

"Neo-Aikido? Do you mind explaining? I have never heard of it-" Rantaro asked curiously and Tenko didn't hesitated for a second.

"Neo-Aikido is an original form that my master and I completely made up ourselves!" she explained and he gasped a little.

"Really? That sounds amazing!" Rantaro answered, but Tenko didn't reacted the way he thought she would. 

What's with the scary face?

Rantaro looked at her confused and Tenko only groaned annoyed. "I don't like being praised by degenerate males"

"degenerate males? Do you mean men? Are you uncomfortable around them?" Rantaro asked worried, but Tenko shook her head.

"It's a bigger problem than that! If any degenerate male tried to touch me my reflex is to grab them and throw them across the room!"

"Across the room? Can you really do that? that would be really cool! no wait, I mean- hm nevermind, forget it! I don't want to be thrown across the room or worse!" Rantaro held his hands up in defense and laughed awkwardly, but Tenko only chuckled. 

"You didn't do anything wrong- until now" she gave him a warning look and both, Himiko and Tenko, left.

Rantaro did too shortly after.

Where should I go next? Hmmm...

#protag-rantaro #rantaro amami #protag rantaro au #protag rantaro #danganronpa fanfiction #danganronpa au #danganronpa v3 #danganronpa #v3 killing harmony #drv3 tsumugi #drv3 rantaro #drv3 keebo #drv3 shuichi #drv3 kokichi #drv3 tenko #drv3 himiko #drv3 miu #mod tai

[wickedbarnes]

𝕬𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖑 𝖎𝖓 𝕯𝖎𝖘𝖌𝖚𝖎𝖘𝖊 (Pt. 4) | John Wick x Reader

Part 3

WARNING: Angst. Blood.

NOTE: If there are any med student readers here, I apologize deeply if there's any inaccuracy when it comes to the age of finishing med school and I'm sorry if you're triggered that the reader didn't take up her residency training right away. Basically, I apologize for any medical inaccuracy in this chapter. I'm no med student so please be gentle :(

--

You knew the Continental very well and what it does and what it caters for. You had been here once when Viggo had visited Winston and as much as he hated you being here with him, he had no choice at the time. You were around ten and you could remember some assassins looking at you with piercing cold eyes. That's what you felt right now walking alongside John. You knew the stares were meant for him but you couldn't help but feel that most of them were meant for you.

In the back of your mind, it wouldn't be long for Viggo to find out that John has you. You wouldn't say that he's holding you hostage since you willingly went with him. You could only imagine the bounty that will be placed upon his head. And somehow, you felt kinda guilty.

"Good seeing you again, John." A woman with jet black hair greeted John and looked at you for a moment before walking passed you.

"Perkins." John would say, greeting the woman.

"I'll have you for two night?" The concierge, which you remembered the name was Charon, asked John as his gaze averted to you.

"Depending on business it may be more." He replied and you took the time to look around the hotel, noticing that it changed quite a bit the last time you've been here. You met the eyes of some assassins who probably knew who you were or wondering why you were here with John Wick. If you were in their place you would've wondered the same.

"Let's go." John would tell you as he grabbed the key to your room before turning back to walk away from the reception desk with you when you two suddenly stopped when Charon spoke.

"And as always. It is a pleasure, having you with us again... Mr. Wick." Charon gave a knowing smile to John before he shifted his gaze to you.

"Same goes for you, Miss Tarasov. Welcome back to the Continental." You gave him a nod and forced a smile on your face at his words.

"Thank you, Charon."

The ride in the elevator was quiet. Even when John opened the door to your room, you hadn't spoke a word. You took the opportunity to look around the room and noticed there were two beds, which you were thankful for. John placed his stuff on the bed to the left while you made your way over to the window to watch the city outside.

"I couldn't risk you getting away. That's why I asked for a room with two beds." John spoke after some time as he watch you solemnly take in the scenery of the city.

You nodded at his words as your mind drifted back to your father and Iosef. You already knew Viggo had found out you weren't in the mansion anymore. You could only imagine how enraged he'd be and the circumstances he'd go to in order to get you back.

"I know you hate me right now, Y/N, but-"

"Who said I hated you?" You asked, cutting him off but kept your gaze in the window, "I don't hate you. In case you want to know."

John was taken aback by your words. And it frustrated him that you didn't somehow despise him for what he's about to do. It frustrated him on how calm you are in a situation like this. Somehow, he wanted to see you angry at him. He wanted to see at least fear in your eyes whenever you looked at him but there was none.

And that somehow made him more guilty than he already is.

"John, I can't promise you if you'll be safe here." John looked at you and you took his silence as a means to continue what you were going to say, "Papa would know by now that I'm gone and that you broke inside the mansion. He won't hesitate to place a huge bounty in your head. And if I'm not mistaken, maybe the bounty is worthy enough for someone to break the rules here in the Continental."

"I know that." He replied and you hummed softly in response.

"Y/N, why are you like this?" His question caught you off guard that you couldn't help but turn around to face him.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean." John snapped at you making you jump slightly as he stood up and slowly made his way towards you and you couldn't help but carefully back away from him each time he took a step closer.

John took note of your body language. You were intimidated. And to him, that's a good thing.

"Why are you so calm? Do you secretly want this to happen? Do you secretly want your brother dead, is that it?" His words emitted a gasp from your lips as you stopped and looked up at him, immediately forgetting your fear of him as anger slowly bubbled inside you.

"This is the last thing that I wanted, Wick." You spat, "If I wanted this to happen, I wouldn't have warned Iosef that very night he stole your fucking car. You have no idea what goes inside my fucking head everytime I lay my eyes on you. And you had absolutely no idea how hard it was for me to accept everything that's happening right now."

Your breathing became heavy and you willed yourself not to cry in front of him. You refused, absolutely refused to let him see that side of you. That weak side of you.

"I'm like this because as I've said, I already know what's going to happen. Anger is fueling inside of you, John, and you crave vengeance for what my brother did. If I asked you, begged you even to stop all of this right now and return me to my home, would you do it?" Your question took John off guard once again but his expression surprisingly didn't falter but his silence caused you to laugh bitterly at him.

"I thought so." You whispered and walked passed him as you made your way to your bed, sitting down at the edge of it as you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

John stood there and let your words sink inside his head. But a tiny voice told him that this was no time to linger around and feel bad for the Tarasov girl. Without saying a word, John made his way out your room and made sure the door was locked from outside.

Once he was out of earshot, you finally let out a sob as the tears that started to well up in your eyes cascaded down your cheeks. Your body shook as you cried hard and much to your knowledge, John heard your little whimpers just in time he made his way inside the elevator.

And somehow, he felt a slight pain in his chest when he heard your cries. Because he knew deep down it was because of him. The guilt was seeping more into his veins.

--

John did his best to put pressure on his wound. This wasn't anything he hadn't experienced before but it still hurt like a bitch. Unfortunately, the doctor wasn't in. So John had to make do on stitching his wound on his own and he wasn't really a pro with that and he doubted you'd even help him.

Upon opening the door, he stumbled his way inside and locked it behind him as he took a deep breath, trying to readjust his vision since he was losing blood after all. He could feel his legs shaking and soon, he found himself collapsing on the sofa. The sound had made you jump in your sleep.

Fluttering your eyes open, you had tried to remember what time you had fallen asleep. You sighed at the thought of crying yourself to sleep. Sitting up in your bed, your gaze fell on a beat up John who was clutching his wound. You stared at him for a moment before you carefully stood up from your bed and slowly made your way towards him.

"May I?" You asked softly as John looked up at you. In his vision, everything was a blur but your face, as cliché as it sounded.

He gave you a nod and carefully removed his hand where you took the chance to inspect his wound. The stab was deep and if he lost anymore blood he'd be unconscious and that wasn't a good sign. Almost immediately, you tied up your hair and made your way towards the window where you draped the curtain over it. Making your way towards the small liquor cabinet in the room, you quickly poured some whiskey in a glass and placed that on top of the small table next to the sofa where John flopped down. Then, you made your way to the bathroom where you hoped there was at least a first aid kit inside.

"Bingo." You whispered to yourself as you saw the familiar looking kit. You then proceeded to thoroughly wash your hands to avoid infecting John's wound before you made your way outside and placed the kit on the space next to John.

"Are you still able to take your suit off?" You asked and John gave you a nod before he carefully took his blazer off, followed by his pants and his dress shirt. Eventually leaving him in his dress pants.

"Do you have any other wounds on your legs?" You asked and John only responded to you by shaking his head while you put on some latex gloves as he grabbed the glass with shaking hands and took a sip of the drink you gave him.

You nodded, opening the kit where you grabbed a needle and a thread and began to sterilize it, not wanting to risk giving the beat up man an infection. Soon enough, you began to carefully suture John's wound, completely being oblivious to your surrounding including the fact that John was staring at you while you were patching him up.

John took a big sip of his drink and poured more into his glass once it got empty. You never failed to frustrate John and somehow, he couldn't do anything about it. Well, he can. But killing inside the Continental is like signing your death sentence. And he didn't want to kill someone innocent.

But you frustrated him in a way where you were doing something someone in your place wouldn't do. Who in their right mind would patch up the man who's going to kill their family? He was slowly convincing himself that you might be truly insane.

John silently watched as you furrowed your eyebrows and bit your bottom lip causing him to gulp as it reminded him a lot of Helen. He remembered how Helen would have the same expression on her face. Eyes focused, eyebrows furrowed while she absentmindedly bites her own bottom lip whenever she does something that requires one hundred percent of her attention.

He couldn't help but take another big gulp of his drink which made you look up at him for a second as you averted your gaze to the now empty glass.

"Don't tell me a small needle is hurting you, John." You lightly teased as you began to loop the end of the thread.

"Not really. It's more frustrating, to be honest." He replied which caused you to laugh softly before putting on a sterilized bandage on top of the stitched wound. Once that was done, you began to clean up the area and picked up John's bloody clothes before standing up from the ground but froze in your spot when you felt John's calloused hand around your wrist.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked, his gaze steady on you as you looked back into his warm brown eyes. Letting out a sigh, you sat down on the space next to him on the sofa and placed the first aid kid and John's clothes on the floor.

"You could've just let me bleed to death. Anyone would've done that but you didn't. Why?" You could feel John staring at you as if he was trying to read your mind and trying to see into your very soul.

"And risk being framed for Excommunicado? I don't think so, John." You spoke, "If I let you bleed to death, I might get framed for killing inside the Continental and we both know that's unwise. Second, I don't think I could handle someone dying when I know I could've helped them."

"What about Viggo? Iosef? Can you handle them dying when you know you could've helped them?"

"If I decide to get myself involved, would you let me? Why did you even take me here with you in the first place?" You backfired.

"I didn't take you, you willingly went with me." John stated to which you hummed in response.

"Isn't that what you would've done the moment you found me in the kitchen? Let's face it, John. If you wanted to kill me, you would've done it the moment I had my back towards you. You had the opportunity to pull the trigger when you held me at gunpoint but did you?" John was speechless yet again as he watched you lean back on the sofa, "Unless you plan on killing me after all of this is done. But you don't seem to be the one to do something like that. You strike while the iron is hot."

"How can you be so sure?" John questioned you. Without thinking twice, you grabbed the gun that was hoisted in John's pants, took his hand and made him grab the gun before you pressed your forehead against its mouth.

"What the hell are you doi-"

"Shoot me."

"Wait, what?"

"Pull the trigger and shoot me." You repeated, keeping your eyes on him.

"Y/N, you don't know what you're talking about-"

"Shoot me, Jonathan." You said, your voice firm as you cut him off again. John looked into your eyes, trying to find at least a sign if you're bluffing or not. But he was disappointed to see how serious you really were.

"You want me to shoot you?" He asked, his voice gruff as he tightened his grip on the gun.

"Did I stutter?" You replied, still keeping your gaze on his eyes.

"We're in the fucking Continental, Y/N." He said in gritted teeth.

"If you really wanted or needed to kill me, John. It wouldn't matter if we're in the fucking Continental or not." You moved closer so the gun presses firmly against your forehead, "Shoot me."

John placed his finger on the trigger, his eyes never leaving yours and vice versa. It seemed like hours when the both of you stared at each other and before you knew it, John slowly lowered his gun and placed it on the wooden table beside him before he poured another shot of whiskey in his glass, his head turning away from you.

"I thought so." You whispered and stood up, carrying the kit and John's battered clothes with you as you put it in the hamper and made your way inside the bathroom where you locked the door behind you.

At that moment, you didn't know what you feared anymore. The Baba Yaga or your own self.

#john wick fic #john wick fanfiction #john wick x reader #john wick imagines

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Blood, tears and sea breeze.

Warnings: ANGST, mental health issues, graphic depictions of violence, blood, cursing, description of sexual assault, mentions of sex, substance abuse.

This is a very dark chapter, is not graphic, but it is really sad.

Summary: The not so peaceful town of Broadchurch face dead again, while Alec Hardy continues his journey to redemption will this school teacher be the key to solve the mystery or just another victim of the ever watching evilness that seems to reside in the town.

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Chapter 12: Green lights

The four adults walked inside in silence, and the paced sound of the metronome was the only noise they could hear for a moment, somehow it made the room feel darker, and cold, even when a shiny yellow sun could be guessed outside the window through the white curtains.

Hardy look away from the device, sitting right in the middle of the desk next to the Dr. Cecil Florence plaque, and a tea cup. In the middle of the office there was a comfortable couch, the one he already knew too well. It wasn't a loud sound, however he find it unnerving and was desperate to make it stop, thankfully he wouldn't have to sit next to it.

Miller sited on an empty chair, the one closer to the door, and gave an awkward smile to Doctor Florence as in "Don't read anything into this" although she was sure her stiff movements were already telling the doctor she didn't want to be there.

Alec lean against the window trying to look at the whole room at once, but he didn't rise his look too high, avoiding Cecil's curious gaze, then he noticed Y/N nervously rubbing her wrist, he remembered seeing her do it before, but somehow he hadn't pay enough attention to the fact before.

"Are you going to make me sing psalms too?" Y/N said with a smile pointing at the metronome.

"Beg your pardon?" Dr Florence said with a strained look.

"Sister Mary, she was an old noun that was in charge of the church long before Father Coats" Alec rise his look with some anger at the way she talked about Paul, and immediately reprimanded himself. "When I was little if you get in trouble she would put out one of those out and made you sing psalms to, I don't know scare the devil away or something".

"Only because the stupid cow was already too old to use the cane" Miller said laughing too. "I still have the scar on my thigh, all because I was late to sunday school" Hardy tried to hide the Oh that's what that red mark was realization out of his mind, but he was thankful that Ellie always knew how to lighten the mood in a room.

"Well, don't worry, is only to guide your train of thought" The doctor said and Y/N sat on the couch a bit more relaxed. "Before we started I want to ask you again if you are okay with the detectives being here, and with this procedure, I also must remind you that this could be emotionally draining, and that we might not always found actual memories"

"I know all that doc, it's okay, let's do it" she laid back on the couch after giving a secure wink to the woman and closed her eyes.

"Fine, then I must remind the detectives that you shall not interfere under any circumstances, in case she needs to stop I will make the procedure stop if I consider it necessary." they nodded and everything went silent again except for the device "You should focus on the sound, use it to guide your breathing, I won't tell you were to start, but I would want you to imagine yourself in a place that brings you comfort

Click... click... click

"I'm in my room, I'm getting ready to go out with Jonathan and Ash..."

"Why are you going out?" Her voice was soothing and Y/N breath was calmed, Miller thought she would fall asleep before she could say anything but then she began recalling the event like she was living it again.

Ashley had gotten a excellent week at the Deli, so she had invited me and Jonathan to celebrate, he was on a grumpy mood, not uncommon on the last few days, but he accept to come with us anyway, he even agreed to wear that ugly purple shirt her mother sent for his birthday. She was always talking about how I never let him dress like a City boy anymore.

We were only the three of us, Charlie didn't came because her mother had a cold and he had to take care of her, sometimes I wonder if he was not angry that Ashley moved out, maybe I will bring Mrs. Langford some soup tomorrow to make him company.

Ashley looked stunning, like she always did, I was never bold enough to wear that kind of short dresses, Jonathan even had to scare a couple guys away from her while they went to get us drinks.

"Only two shots" He said with that dad like look he always had for me to prevent me from doing anything fun... I guess I won't see that anymore

"You are doing great dear" The doctor said once tears star running down her cheek, "Focus on the club, were you in Broadchurch, what time it was? Do you remember the music?"

Some horrible techno music, something kids listen, most of the people around didn't look old enough to be out at 12:00, let alone drink.

The tequila was smooth, and after the second shot I stand up to dance with Ashley, but it was crowded, so I lost her after a while and went back to sit at the table, Jonathan was gone, and I ordered more shots, I don't remember two or maybe three. I started feeling dizzy, so I stand up to go to the bathroom maybe Jonathan was there, it have been long and he hasn't come back.

I saw Ashley kissing a handsome man she often do that when we were younger, that's why she left her house, their parents were too conservative, and she was fighting with Charles all the time because of it, I never actually mind that she do that, but I felt mad, because she had left me alone so I tried to walk out of the club

"Hey hey hey" a voice said behind me, it was a large man, he was wearing a bright red shirt, and he smelled like bourbon, and aftershave, he had nice eyes "Are you okay dear?" I tried to tell him I was fine and walk away but my feet were no longer responding and the green lights of the club were making my head hurt, I was not sure how was I so far from the crowd

"I can't breathe" I said and I tried to walk outside but his hand was on my wrist and he didn't let go

"Let's go outside, you need air" he said and then the cold air of the night strike me in the face, the moon was out, he was smoking, and I was trying to get some clarity, but everything was so confusing and my legs felt week...

"You smell so nice" he said with his hot breathing my neck and one of his hands on my chest, I tried to scream, to run maybe but then everything went red, I felt a stinging pain on my head, and how he lift me from the ground.

Hardy was tense angrily listening to her story, and definitely not wanting to keep listening, but he didn't interrupt her, and obviously the women in the room were not thrill to listen either, Y/N breathing was now fast and she was fully crying but she kept her eyes closed.

He took away my ring, and for a moment I was glad because I thought he was trying to rob me, but then I could hear him taking off his pants, I kept my eyes closed, I tried to scream to call Jonathan and Ashley, anyone... I thought I was going to die, I would have rather die... I thought of my parents... and I got enough strength to scream and I did, but then he hit me in the face again, and then, Please don't do that... Please stop! Stop!! Someone help me!!...

"Stop this" Ellie said loudly "Please doctor stop this"

"DS Miller, I have to ask you to remain impartial" she said with a quiet voice but she was also very affected by the story.

Hardy was not listening, by that moment Y/N voice were only screams, and she had now the same lost look she did at the Latimer's house. He approach her carefully, but she was desperately rubbing her wrist again and not letting the doctor come near her so she went to her desk to prepare something to tranquilize her.

"I lost it, my mom said I should always keep it on, and I lost it, she is going to be mad" she said with a voice that reminded him of Daze when she cut his ties in ribbons for her dolls, and he wondered if she was still not entirely awake.

"Y/N" he said desperate to act before the doctor would injected the medication, and this time he didn't hesitate and simply hold her tight against his chest "I'm here, you are at Doctor Florence's office ok?" Once she was calmed he make her look at him softly "I'm with you, you're safe" she looked thankful at him but didn't let go, and he could only hold her patting her head, trying to avoid Miller concerned look, and ignoring the fact that the unsettling feeling in his stomach was now satisfied because she was on his arms.

"I would expect that you would be following my advice from now on and not force this poor girl to more trauma in the future" the doctor said to him once Y/N exited the room to go to the restroom.

"I hope we could" Miller said defeated "But if that memory was true in any way now we have to look for a sex offender and a murderer"

"When she was waking up, she said... the way she talked..." Alec tried to elaborate

"It's an old wound, I was convinced she was over that by now, but apparently not" The doctor started. "When she was youger she was diagnosed with absence crisis, a special kind of epilepsy, and her parents made her use a bracelet in case she suffered a crisis at school or so, the idot that treat her before me had her under many medications because he couldn't determine her anxiety disorder, so I work with her to take her out of the meds, and eventually she was having a very normal life, she kept using the bracelet as comfort when she felt anxious, but she did not have crisis anymore"

"Until her parents die?" Miller asked remembering what she read in her archive.

"Precisely, they had a discussion, when she finished Uni she wanted to take a job across the sea in Paris or something like that, she gave her mother the bracelet and she went to stay with her friend Ashley on their own, and then her parents had the accident, she has always felt guilty, and since she didn't recover the bracelet she sometimes goes back to her childhood when they make her use it, is just a minor compulsion, not weird under this circumstances"

"She didn't find it?" Alec ask cautiously.

"No, apparently it was not at her parents house, I'm sorry is something else I can help you with?" She said and he change his expression immediately.

"It's fine, we will be in touch if we need anything else, we are very grateful for your help" Ellie said and the doctor went back to her office a d they walked out to wait for Y/N at the car.

"Someone is definitely liying" Miller said once they were inside and grey clouds start covering the sky. "That bracelet was on her the day the body was found" she said.

"I know, but not on any pictures from before that, so either our killer put it on her or she lied to the doctor, but that was, what 10 years ago? Is too long for something she simply forgot to tell her shrink about" a lightning illuminate the sky and the thunder following let him now that will be a rainy day. "I was hoping we'll get more from this, but now we have to listen her friend again, she didn't remember that night, only she was at home with the boyfriend angry about something."

"I can't imagine how did he found her, and she is in no way ready to answer that yet, we had to check out the club, maybe someone saw something, I hate this bloody case" She hit the wheel with her fist. "That poor girl, every time I'm more convinced she is the victim here, but it's all just confusing"

"Yeah, I mean maybe you should take today off, it was hard to hear what she said inside"

"I could say the same about you" He look at her surprised "Oh don't gave me that look, I was not going to comment on this, but you are getting too involved in this"

"Of course I'm not!" He tried to defend himself but she was not paying attention to him.

"Yes you are, and look I'm not going to say anything, but if you became partial on your judgment, for the case, and for your own good, I'm removing you from the case" she said and make a sign to Y/N to show her they were already in the car.

"I thought I was still your superior" He said quietly before she got inside.

"I'll talk to you boss then" she said with a smile, and he knew then that she was not joking, he rolled his eyes with anger because she was right, he would have done the same, and also he was concerned that maybe he was letting Y/N get under his skin making it impossible for him to remain impartial about her.

Tag list:

@allonsymexgirl @laciesaito @tf18unipups @dazedkrosupreme @timey-wimey-lovi

#broadchurch #broadchurch fanfiction #alec hardy imagine #alec hardy x reader #alec hardy fanfiction #alec hardy x ellie miller #alec hardy #alec hardy x you #di hardy #ds miller #ellie miller #ellie miller broadchurch #beth latimer #mark latimer #original male character #original female character #crime drama #crime scene #murder mystery #murder #katie harford #dc katie harford