#in my feelings today folks

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[pixelpastry]

we are love

#trans day of visibility #trans artist #trans art #illustration #my art #i have alot of thots and feelings abt today re: everything else happening but bottom line is that trans people: we are love and forever #planning to make a riso print version of this to raise money for some local orgs too #hang in there everyone...trans folks i love u all very much! and i am holding ur hand always

[front-facing-pokemon]

#something is very obviously different about these two compared to my normal images on this blog. i acknowledge this #also the sv model is Really good. and since they always stare straight at the camera anyway… and no one pays attention to the background… #and the only high-quality phantump model i could find was so horribly shiny that its eyes were just white voids #in my defense‚ phantump always just stare straight at you in game #the lighting is different‚ yeah. that's probably the dead giveaway. beyond the background. but like. i'm the only being on the planet who #really likes phantump anyway. i feel like it's a generally forgettable pokémon to most folks #phantump #HELLO this one is a weird one. i have some explaining to do. so when i did this one i didn't know how to edit models really at all #and when i got the models for these‚ the xy models were super shiny. shiny to the point that it made their eyes fuckin invisible #and i decided that since you could barely tell it was phantump‚ i needed a different way to get these images #i remembered that in the SV dlc‚ every time you find a wild phantump‚ it just fucking. stares. at you. and i was like. aha #i kinda remembered because of the test stream that i did. tumblr user alligayytorr (am i getting the right amount of Ys) said #“haha i am getting a sneak peek” when i zoomed the camera in on a phantump. and i remembered that. and i was like. i can utilize this #and ended up using just an in-game screenshot of SV in replacement of the regular content. later on‚ after that #once we got into gen 7 and it became less and less reliable to find models‚ i had to learn how to edit them manually to remove the shine #i am a software dev. not a 3d modeler. this ended up coming down to editing the code of the models directly (which i ended up writing a #script to automate). now‚ today‚ january 22nd (the day of me writing these tags and updating this post)‚ i remembered this post was in the #queue and was not normal. so i went back‚ ran the script on the phantump and trevenant models‚ and unshinified them #then edited these two posts to be normal. i have left the original pictures i took under the cut for reference and as bonuses #because i really enjoy phantump. so that's why those images are there‚ and that's why these tags are here #just for posterity's sake‚ the folks who come here mostly for my commentary‚ i've left the ORIGINAL tags of the post when i initially #made it with the SV pictures up at the top (i wanted to rearrange them‚ but tumblr makes that Very difficult‚ so i left them as-is) #so if these tags are confusing to read i Apologize. but i hope now that you're at the bottom you understand what happened #i'm gonna go edit the trevenant post now

[dipplinduo]

Live footage of me re-reading a scene I just finished writing for S&S D, as if I haven't had it planned for weeks

#I have been self-isolating and scheming and zeroing in to get the next update out soon folks. Aiming for later today! #...ya might wanna schedule ur therapy appts tho #jfc #LOL #its just the ANGST LORE #stupid peach #ribombee lore #my fics #dipplinshipping #kieran pokemon #kieran x juliana pokemon #juliana x kieran pokemon #juliana pokemon #kieran x juliana #juliana x kieran #lets make these breadcrumbs bigger... #🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️🌪️ #I PROMISE I'mma be in my feels with you okay I PROMISE OOF #I will be more active on platforms once update is out thx for ur patience <3

[aluminum-angels]

@weepinglilvessel what do you think they're talking about?

probably something stupid, like taxes... or purposed organisms

#im gonna be thinking about these folks for the next like three weeks sorry #they'd have a cute sibling dynamic and i absolutely love it #i dont think i should put this in the rain world tag so im not gonna #my sona #others ocs #rw iterator #by the way heard you were having a shit day today and i hope some fanart makes you feel better <3 #[kai's radical art tag]

[redrobin-detective]

So watching the newest Spy x Family, I see everyone squealing over Uncle Franky (don’t get me wrong I am too) but I also think his outsider’s perspective is kind of sad. When Anya is waiting for Yor and Loid to get home, the line he says there struck me.

“Hey, do you like your mom and dad?”

Like that’s a weird question to ask a young child who, hopefully, should love their parents. But Franky I think is acutely aware that they aren’t Anya’s real parents and the Forger family is fake. Franky has worked with Twilight for years, knows him very well and has presumably seen him make and drop identities like one would an article of clothes. We’ve even had Franky directly accusing Loid of being too clinical, focusing only the mission. I think Franky believes that once Operation Strix is completed, that he’ll leave and Anya and move on to the next assignment.

 I think that idea has colored a lot of Franky’s interactions with Anya. Yes, he’s also a big kid and wants to run around and be silly. But I also believe he’s trying to give this girl a sense of happiness and family presumably before she’s dropped off at the nearest orphanage once her usefulness is outlived. Like we all know Loid is catching feels but he’s a Good Actor and it might not be readily apparent to his coworker. Idk it must be so sad for Franky to watch this little family interact, to sweep up a child so clearly desperate for love and family in a spy operation, only to realize it won’t last.

#spy x family #sorry didn't mean to throw angst into the sweet pile that was todays episode #but im gonna be real this isn't my first time Ive had this thought about Franky #We've seen him accuse Loid of being callous - albiet in a usual comedic manner #but Franky absolutely knows how good Loid is at pretending to others to get what he wants then disappearing #Yor probably would be okay like very upset for sure but she's a grown adult she can handle it #Anya is a young child who has probably never had such loving interactions before #Anyone can see how devoted she is to her folks #and Uncle Franky is watching all this like seeing someone standing on a rug not knowing it can pulled out any second #I do feel that adds a bit to his own playful relationship with Anya #make the hurt sting less #anyway i'll see myself out

[puppyeared]

When you backread through a fun conversation you had with someone for hours an angel gets its wings

#I was talking to my brother about Norman doors and I had fun in my UX class and he was telling me about demon cores and the trolley problem #in his class. AND I remembered to take my meds today so I can feel every cell in my body. i can feel the neurons rubbing together #and yesterday I infodumped about the specialists bullseye chart to crow and how it ties with witch hat atelier #WHICH I MANAGED TOGET THEM TK READ IM SO HAPPY. I MAKE SQUEALING GUINEA PIG NOISES EVERY TIME THEY TELL ME WHAT THEYVE READ SO FAR. AHH #i might not even be scratching the surface with witch hat there are so many themes i could not possibly fathom or go over my heasd #and thats what makes it so exciting there are so many spaces in between that you can fill with your thoughts and i. i #waves my hands around manically #for anyone interested in my insane ramblings. the bullseye chart is from are we all scientific experts now by harry collins #in my own words its basically saying everything we know about anything is a game of broken telephone #and it discusses how information gets lost in translation between experts and laymen including things that arent in control #one of the main points was how things that happen between experts are complicated including debates and findings #that you can only really understand thru research and experience in that field and cant be smoothly shared without it being reworded #and risking some of those key points. or even concepts that are hard to understand that cant be shared at all #like if you tried to tell me about how DNA works using words scientists are familiar with but i am NOT- i risk missing concepts that i need #to understand to know how it works on the level you understand. or i risk having it reworded and understanding it but not on that level #AND IT DOES TIE TO WITCH HAT THE WITCH AND NORMAL FOLK COMMUNITIES I PROMISE. ITS SO INTERESTING #anyway i spent hours reading back thru that conversation and i might as well admit it goes for almost every fun conversation i have #and it might be the 20mg of adderall in my body but i am in such a state of peace and love i have to verbalize it. ahh #yapping

[bambeebirdie]

This is for @bluepeachstudios ‘s Ghost in a Shell. It’s really good you should read it.

I looked at exactly one picture of Jupiter Jim and went “yeah this should be enough to draw him.” I will not be answering if it actually was

Have some bonus content under the cut!

And sketches

(I love any character who can say “I don’t want to go back to prison” it’s like the funniest thing to me)

#i don’t know what compelled me to hand write that text. it’s not very good #we just don’t do things the easy way here. that’s why I render with an app on my phone. i don’t believe in simplicity #i had a plan for a lot more full body shots but then I couldn’t find any good lair references so I decided to screw it #I’ve never drawn rise characters before. this is my first time drawing them and expressions wow #I’m not very good at style copying and my default is so much rounder than rise is so that was just a woof #i should say all text in these shit posts aren’t canon at all. you can figure out where they likely take place yes #but they never show up in story #just a little fyi incase anyone decides to check it out #the entire inspiration for this post was just watching 2003 and going #WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DID THAT?? #ghost causally dropping the most wild facts about his life has like endless shit post potential #yeah I went to space. stole a ship. went to jail. aided a fugitive. held a dictator at gunpoint #and folks that’s just one arc. go watch 2003 #i debated making angst as it is likely more currently topical but I’m a shit poster at heart #chapter 29. how we feeling boys? I’m actually doing rather well. i think just the fact the build up is over and I’m so tired I no longer #have emtions I’m just pumped for the next chapter whoo! #i started to lose mojo very fast while doing this but I wanted to finish today so I did. i hope it’s not too obvious #yeah anyways go read ghost in a shell #go watch 2003 #go read ghost in a shell #i’m gonna go to bed now #ghost in the shell #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2018 #fan fiction recommendations #fan art of a fan fic #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles 2003

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

Ngl some days I'm like writing crackships and ships and rarepairs is so silly goofy and fun and then OTHER days I'm like wow I wish I'd never written or drawn a ship ever in my life how do I erase this and OTHER days I just go about forgetting ships exist entirely and I swing WILDLY between those three options with no chill whatsoever

#knox rambles #is this part of my aroaceness??? #not really a vent im just thinking #today its the second one #saw somebody comment they were looking away from one of my fics and i got really self-concious its wild #cause low-key most if not all my fics could just be platonic dynamics #usually id only add the more shippy stuff because i felt like i needed to so i fullfilled some sorta checklist to make it romantic or somth #hmhm thinking i dunno #one of those nights folks o7 #its a weird like... thats not me dont think thats me i feel the need to explain or excuse it?? #weird! #hope y'alls night is going good!

[mars-and-the-theoi]

Feeling Lady Hestia’s influence in my kitchen today. Have 2 pies in the oven (pumpkin, of course), a roast in the crockpot, spiced hot chocolate on the stove, and potatoes peeled and ready to be turned into mashed potatoes. Feels good to be out of my flare (finally) and in the kitchen again.

#as we near thanksgiving I get into my ‘pie trials’ as I do the pies for it #so today I’m practicing my pumpkin and probably next week I’ll practice apple #then I’ll practice my chocolate pie then the peach pie #just to make sure I’ve still got it all down and whatever tweaks need to be made can be made and I’m not left scrambling at last minute #I mean it’s not big deal if I am kinda screwed over last minute as other folks never have any problem bringing other desserts if I ask them #to (and they did so last year) but still everyone really likes my pies and I always feel bad if I don’t provide on that end so #helpol #hellenic polytheism #hellenic pagan #hellenic pantheon #hellenic paganism #hestia deity

[judasisgayriot]

sorry but I bravely refuse to pick a side in the worlds dumbest rpf slapfight, i am a top patrick AND bottom patrick enjoyer and i won't be swayed

#why do i feel like i see multiple posts a day on this site asserting that one of those things is downright wrong and incorrect #and you're stupid and/or should feel bad for enjoying it #folks it's all RPF smut am I losing my actual mind over here. why are we fighting. #sigh chronic bisexual behaviour of me i guess! can't pick a side in the fight!! #STUPID FIGHT THO. IT'S RPF SMUT CAN ANYONE HEAR ME #anni rambles #again not a specific vague but I've seen multiple posts in the wild TODAY on this #pressing discourse obviously #anyway peace and love in top pete top patrick bottom pete bottom patrick maybe even switching world #i am having fun xx #dont make me bring back my stupid pokemon meme that nobody but me enjoyed

[theconqueeror]

*breathes in* ahh december. the month when the slavs are in full power

#i feel so alive every december #i woke up at 6am on a Saturday and am ready to go to an antiques fair and then decorate the Christmas tree with my gf #i didnt even jaywalk today thats how positive we're feeling folks #winter #slavic culture

[front-facing-pokemon]

#registeel #and now this guy is maybe a bit less interesting. from this standpoint‚ i mean. the eyes being just dots make it a little hard to like #feel *connected* to them when they're ffp'd‚ y'know? i feel like it's kind of a reductive angle. which is why i zoomed this one and the last #one out a bit. so you can see a bit of the rest of their body. it's maybe less funny but would it really have been funny to just see 7 red #dots on a gray background and have to read the tag to know it's registeel? i dunno. maybe. maybe it would've been. but i like this more #maybe the explanation is that i'm taking these pictures myself. i personally know all these pokémon and have to ask them if i have permissio #n to take these pictures of them. but registeel said i couldn't get too close. so we settled with this. hehe yeah that's why :) hehe :) #anyway. you now have the aegis cave theme stuck in your head #hi it's me from the present. saturday morning. in yesterday's queued post i came up with the idea of maybe doing a monotype run of a pokémon #game. i don't know which one yet but i wanted to do water-type. but i was like. maybe i'll liveblog it on my main blog. yesterday #and today i came back and saw those tags as i was queuing up today's 'mons and i was like… hell maybe i could stream it if enough folks are #interested. but if anyone is then i didn't want to wait that long for the queue to get to that post bc that's gonna post on like. august 18 #and class for my last semester of college Ever starts back up on august 21st and i don't. know if i want to start another pokémon playthroug #h that close to classes starting. especially not one where at least one (1) individual out there might be waiting for it So i put 'em here #they'll still be on that post but. they're here. just in case someone out there is chronically bored enough that that's something they'd be #interested in. y'never know there's a lot of folks here #anyway i will now queue up kricketot. see you then… or i guess see you whenever if you like send in an ask or a message or smth…

[brown-little-robin]

.

#robin processes emotions on main #would it be evil to stay home from family thanksgiving because I don't think I can do all my homework if I go. would it be selfish #it probably would be selfish #I'm just feeling overwhelmed tonight because I remembered All Of The Homework due on Tuesday next week and I was planning #to do most of that homework today but there's more than I thought and I also chose to do a thanksgiving dinner and online games #with the uncle who also stayed home from family thanksgiving this year. and it was fantastic and I wouldn't trade that for the world #but it was last minute and I'm SO OVERWHELMED NOW 😭 #and I just DROPPED THE PIZZA SAUCE from the pizza he bought me and it was just the last straw folks. now there's pizza sauce #on the floor and tears in my eyes and my throat hurts. and I'm aware this whole upset is selfish but STILL #still #wellllll anyway sorry #big sniff #I'm fine and everything will be fine this is just a lose/lose situation #also I'm not feeling well physically and driving four hours tomorrow for a stressful event sounds really sucky :( #four hours round trip for like six hours in person

[cinna-bunnie]

i love black women

#speaking of not beating the beautiful angel allegations!!!!!! ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡ ♡⁠ #(⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠) i went to a black beauty store earlier for more leave in conditioner and the cashier was such an angel #she had a TLC shirt and i complimented it n we started gassing each other up (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) ♡⁠ her edges were so pretty #it was a rly nice time and she called me beautiful and love (⁠✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚) i am still so happy i got to talk to her today #i don't ever rly think about how i wear my natural hair out but I'm glad it's appreciated for being worn that way ♡⁠ i love u #only another black person would tell me this and the love i felt in there rly makes me miss living in that town instead #i don't get to talk w black folk as often here ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡ it's so nice when i get to but augh.. maybe i should move back lol. #it's not far away 🧐 it's just the next town over actually. and u could drive through my town in like ten minutes and not even know you were #in it lol #anyways 🚶🏾‍♀️ I'm feeling myself rn and im hype and that girl was an angel fr i hope she's having a good night rn

[saintchaser]

regulus black headcanons because i love him <3

he never really eats in the mornings, only before quidditch matches (the times he didn't eat, they lost the match, so it's kind of a superstition at this point)

is the only one between barty, him, and even, who knows how to tie a tie

nursed a small crush on lily evans at some point but would die beford admitting it. the only one who knew about it was pandora, because she was the kind of person who knew how to pick up this kind of signs

has really neat handwriting, it's one of the things he gets praised for. no matter how quickly he jots down his ideas, his handwriting is really readable

he's a really, really quiet person. he has days where he can go on twenty words a day. he prefers quietness, which is why he hangs out with evan (who is louder and more sociable) the least out of his friend group

snape is his personal bootlicker, just in case. he knows regulus is powerful and influential, and he needs to get a taste of it

every time he "escapes" to the greenhouses "to check how the plants are doing" he gets high with peter. they had a small friendship over their school years that dissipated when peter graduated, and which turned into resentment when peter joined the death eaters

he has curly hair, but loose curls, not the tight ones. pandora loves running her hands through them, she says it's calming (it's also calming for regulus)

he has a haircare routine (that no one knows about besides barty, and he only knows because they share a dorm) and sleeps on silk pillowcases in order to keep his hair looking the way it does

he has chronic resting bitchface, and he smiles very rarely. does not know how to smile with teeth. he looks like he's grimacing whenever he tries to do it.

very polite and graceful; he swore once or twice in his life, and he only swears when he's extremely angry

really tall for a teenager

#and that is all for today folks. also i have about thirty followers left to 2k and i am so. god. i don't even know what to say i am #KWJDKSJDJE. yeah. that's how i feel right now. #regulus black #regulus black headcanons #my writing #headcanons