#in ten years I will still fail all my classes because I don't want to be there I lose all motivation I can't study

[alxclaremont]

i may, or may not, have fucked up

#i miscalculated my hours for college and i may end up graduating early regardless of whether i want to or not #even if i take 15 hours for the rest of the time i'm here after this next semester i'm still going to be ten hours over #and i also planned on taking summer classes #there is a reason i am retaking college algebra this summer after failing it my first semester #because i CLEARLY cannot do math #well. this is rather unfortunate #looks like i will be taking on another minor after all #or like. double major like i want to #and then that will fix this problem #HMMMMMM many things to think about at 4am #i am also once again spiralling over when i should start studying for the LSAT and how many times i should take it before i apply for law #school and also if i should go to grad school or not and what i should even get my masters in and then where i would even go to grad school #or if i should go to grad school AND law school at the same time #OR if i should go to grad school straight out of undergrad and then take a gap year and THEN apply to law schools #and then somewhere in between all of that take the LSAT at least a couple of times #i am so stressed about all of this and i don't even really need to start worrying about it yet #like. i could be worry free for at least another semester and yet. alas. here i am worrying myself into a tizzy #anyway. this is a look into my 4am brain dump that signals that i need to go to bed #lacey talks

[genericpuff]

Hold up, I'm curious now about when you said "Perse is a menace to lower nymphs" I thought at best she was neutral to some but I don't remember her ever just being outright horrible. Though that can very well just be my rose-colored glasses activating in the earlier parts of the story.

Oh geez let's see...

There was the time Persephone left Alex alone in the hospital room with the guy who had assaulted him and beat him half to death because he was "rude" (i.e. reasonably reacting to these two showing their faces around him):

And that time Persephone blackmailed Minthe to teach her how to do the job she was underqualified for two days after Hades had broken up with her and Persephone claimed to feel guilty:

Also that time she turned Minthe into a plant and then proceeded to not give a shit about her moments afterwards so she could flirt with the guy who she unapologetically had an affair with (in front of the plantified Minthe who she knew could hear them):

And then when she finally did turn Minthe back to normal, she immediately victimized herself over Minthe justifiably being angry:

And then there was that time she cornered Tori (former roommate of Alex) at his job to essentially berate him, all because of "gossip" that Tori had said ten fucking years ago (as if the gossip wasn't entirely true, it was Tori reacting to Alex getting mutilated by her boyfriend who she never really held accountable):

And all those times Persephone tried to claim she was being stifled by the nymphs in the Mortal Realm but then had the balls to claim she was "lonely" even though she literally had friends and sisters surrounding her who she wanted to get away from:

And then the icing on the cake, far more recently, that time she broke into the home of a nymph woman who had already embarrassed herself, just to threaten her, something that she was rewarded for by her husband:

She said ALL of that while failing to acknowledge the fact that she did the exact same thing to Minthe when she was with Hades. And she's not sorry for it, but she hypocritically tries to take the moral high ground as if she's never done the same thing.

Gee, I wonder how she could have turned out this way?

Persephone never really felt guilty for the things she did throughout the series, and she never took responsibility for her actions that affected others, in some cases she was flat out rewarded for her vitriol. And though this may not be intentional on Rachel's part, she comes across as someone who claims she was "lonely", when really she meant she just didn't have the company she specifically wanted - the company of gods, specifically male gods such as Hades.

Yes, the narrative tries to justify Persephone's actions towards these characters specifically - Alex, Minthe, Tori, Leuce, etc. - but fails to highlight the power imbalance where Persephone comes out on top just for being a goddess. Minthe reported her to Zeus for the wrong reasons, but she still deserved to go to trial for committing and hiding an Act of Wrath. Alex had no idea Persephone was a goddess and she never really did anything to take accountability for what Hades did to him. Tori's only crime was calling her a "dark concubine" a couple times ten years ago, something she absolutely should have let go of by now. Leuce had already embarrassed herself by trying to make the moves on Hades, so breaking into her home and filling it with farm animals and threatening her accomplished nothing beyond stroking Persephone's ego trip.

And that's not getting into how the narrative as a whole promotes mistreatment towards nymphs and satyrs (i.e. lower class people) so Persephone and Hades being in the upper class is similar to billionaires in the real world - they only achieved that wealth on the backs of the lower class, so they're part of the problem, not the exception to it. And these are the characters we're supposed to be rooting for.

I rest my case.

#also i didn't get to mention how hades has to tell the audience that she's compassionate for others but we rarely see it #so it feels so forced and fake #esp when her actions speak otherwise #lore olympus critical #lo critical #anti lore olympus #ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything

[because-its-eurovision]

i love how after everything that has happened, he STILL somehow thinks people won't turn up to his gigs. what a guy

Here's the thing: he hasn't actually seen everything that's happened. He hasn't had time to take that all in.

Before UMK, some dozens or tens of people came to his shows and he has made fun of it, saying that his gigs never have a back row because there are so few people attending. He even organized a joke contest in his IG stories, and the winning one was along the lines "I don't like crowds, that's why I only go to Käärijä's gigs". Then after UMK his gigs were suddenly sold out, but most of them were still on small venues and nightclubs that could fit maybe a few hundred people. He got big hype before UMK and even bigger after winning that of course, but he really didn't have time to react to anything as he was doing as many shows as possible and doing hundreds of interviews and podcasts and challenge videos and what have you, and practicing singing and dancing and performing before leaving to Liverpool.

Then he was in Liverpool for two weeks without almost any time off, again every day filled with interviews and promotion videos and parties and rehearsals, and the hours he had off he didn't spend on social media but with Joker Out and other contestants, just to relieve the stress and pressure. So he wasn't in Finland, and he wasn't on social media that much, so he didn't see the actual craze that took over this country. Kids dressing in green and practicing Cha Cha Cha on music classes, stores running out of piña colada and Malibu and pineapple juice and everything green including grapes, all landmarks and statues in every city either dressed up in green boleros or lighted up with green lights, people dying their hair green and getting bowlcuts, people getting Käärijä tattoos, people sewing so many green boleros and other outfits that the biggest fabric store chain ran out of all green fabrics, people with green make-up and nails, the fan art everyone was making, even the government offices and political parties changing their logos Käärijä green on Instagram and Facebook, the support messages and posts, literally every store from clothing chains to grocery stores and art supply stores putting their neon green and pink stuff on display in the window - hell, even my local pet store had their neon green fluffy cat toys on the prime spot!

He said in an interview that he heard rumours of all that happened, but of course he hasn't seen it. He said that he has around 100.000 notifications unread and he won't have time until maybe autumn to start checking out what has actually happened this year.

When you think about it from his point of view, six months ago he was a broke-ass musician with a day job, living in a tiny apartment. Some dozens of people used to come to his shows, and then suddenly after Cha Cha Cha he was selling out venues, small ones, but still. Then he left for Eurovision with the single goal of winning, and he didn't achieve that, so he thought himself as a loser, that he had disappointed everyone who supported him. From his point of view he is still the same broke-ass musician living in a tiny flat, but now he's unemployed and Eurovision loser so even more of a failure. So why are there thousands of people suddenly coming to the shows and wanting to see him? Of course it would be baffling to him. He wasn't there when he became a national hero, and he doesn't yet understand that he is no longer a failed musician, he is an international phenomenon.

#I really hope his head can take all this #but he said that he is already planning to start therapy to deal with everything which is a great decision #I know UMK has their own therapist but this is so ridiculously huge #I said a couple of years ago that there hasn't been a craze like Blind Channel since Dingo fever in the 80's #but this is bigger than that #everyone knows who Käärijä is even if they are not on social media or didn't watch esc #this reminds me of how people acted when Lordi won #but we didn't have social media with billions of likes and shares and edits and dms and what have you #asks #käärijä

[dairy-farmer]

If you like, (as I saw you indeed do, from an ask) De-ageing promts/asks? Consider THIS~!

Everyone always hitting our poor baby boy Tim with that De-Ageing! As though his puss ain't tight and assets perky! Rude! You know who SHOULD be hit?

>:Dc Bruce~

Because him and Ra's are once again going at it. Bruce is not blind and DOES NOT appreciate this man panting after his Son. Is he a hypocrite? Maybe. But he's still gonna punch Ra's about kicking his boy out a window and the various bits of leering.

They do the Traditional by now, Dramatic Heroic/Immortal Sword Fight near the pits.

Ra's makes A Comment(tm). Of what he'll do when Bruce is dead. Since Bruce has failed to join him, Talia failed to give him a Worthy Heir, and Tim proven... Interesting(tm).

Can't do SHIT without limbs, Ra's. Bruce sees red and tries to feed the fucker his own entrails. Very calm. Toooootally thinking clearly.

It was, rather predictably, a trap. But Bruce is a talented man. So now they're BOTH stabbed pretty badly. Very homo-erotic, which is also traditional. Because with Ra's of course it is. Regardless, Ra's has NOT survived this long just to die to Daddy "don't fuck my son".

Into the pits we both go!

Which? Honestly, he's been trying for YEARS to get Bruce to use. So he can see reason. Ra's can admit the irony.

They struggle. Are drowning. Healing. Still impaled. Break free of each other, even as they try to grapple each other into submission. Again, the homo-eroticism is thick enough to choke lesser men. All the while? The pits are healing.

The wounds, yes. But also everything ELSE. They ARE submerged after all. Ra's? Expects this. Bruce? No idea what's coming.

He drags Ra's blade free of his body and breaks surface. Pit furious and seeing green. Damn near baby faced, at JUST under 20.

Turns out taking care of your body means there's less to "Fix". Self destructive Missions come back to bite him once again. But? Shit. Ninjas. Pouring in to help a fresh faced Ra's. Late 20s and in his prime once more. Damn it!

This isn't over, he growls.

Does NOT like the amused way Ra's is smirking.

One fight out and a stolen jet later? Bruce gets to stare in horror at his Twink-ification. Half his sons are physically OLDER then him. There is no way in hell he can hide this with make up. Luckily, it's Gotham.

He stages a kidnapping of himself. "Unknown chemical agent" combined with the INFAMOUS Gotham bay water. Clark, pretending to be him (once he's done laughing) goes in, Twink Bruce comes out.

People believe it.

Brucie Wayne is too dumb to make this up, after all. And stranger things have happened. Once cleared by the hospital? He heads home.

Now what.

He LIKED his Dilf status. His "silver fox in the making". He didn't have to "date". Booze it up or party. He was FREE damn it. He sulks. Jason and Dick are laughing at him.

Tim let's him hide in his office. Starts crafting "new lease on life" PR campaigns. They are, unfortunately, going to have to attend a Fad Pilates-Yoga-Samba Fusion Dance class. He's so sorry.

It's awful.

What's WORSE?

Is he forgot how HORNY he was at this age. It Does. NOT. Stop. Just an endless stream of wanting to thrust and fuck and lick and suck and-. It literally keeps him up at night! Even after patrol! And Selina? She won't touch him with a ten foot pole.

He's "an infant".

Call her when he's fixed.

He ALMOST considers some of the girls in his god awful class. But then they open their mouths and say some of the most soulless, casually cruel, things he's ever heard. And THAT reminds him he has standards.

He manages to find NICE ones, but then THEN start talking? And good lord, they are BABIES. Where are their fathers and why have they failed these wonderful young ladies? Have a college fund. Bruce is your father now.

And STILL horny.

Possibly in hell.

He tells this, even though he probably shouldn't, to Tim. Rants really. Because Tim let him hide again. Brought him coffee and dinner. And? Frankly? TIM is reasonable! Bruce wouldn't BE in this situation if he could find even a SINGLE woman like him!

And Tim watches Bruce pace. Muscles rolling as he walks. Still in work out gear. Young, nearly his age, so hot Tim wants to choke himself on his... Well. Tim COULD point out the obvious. Fleshlights. Modern toys that Bruce could no doubt improve.

OR~ Tim could shoot his shot and go for glory.

......fuck it.

Witness Him.

Tim deliberately splays his legs. Sprawls, open and inviting. And muses, not looking at Bruce of course, if Bruce needs a Woman or just the right hole?

Bruce freezes. Because of course not. He's Bi AF, just REALLY want to fuck a... wait. Wait(tm). Bruce's brain starts punching out Options. Why Would Tim Ask That? He looks at Tim. His body language. Considers if he wants to ignore it or take this clear offer.

He's across the room and plucking the tablet from Tim's hands in a handful of strides. Naked. Now.

Young Bruce is the HORNIEST, NEEDIEST fuck you can imagine. Once you let him in? It's all over. You're gonna wake up to that morning wood pounding your puss. Spend breakfast, being his desert. As he eats you out. Humping your leg like a dog in heat. Gotta go to work? Well not before his good by fuckies! Needs to shoot his load nice and deep, so you know he loves you.

Visit you at the office. Finger fuck you at your desk. Worship your clit like he's trying to win a medal. When you finally can't concentrate any more? Pull you from your office chair and fuck you til you're a sloppy mess on the floor. Don't worry! He brought a plug so you won't mess the change of clothes he brought you! See you at lunch~!

And on and on and on. Because Bruce is physically in the horniest phase of his life, has his FULL Batman stamina, and? Realized almost IMMEDIATELY? Tim cuddles when he's well fucked and exhausted. And Bruce misses him.

So Bruce is gonna take advantage of the situation.

Can't drift away from me and go off to join some random hero team, if I'm the Best Dick Of Your Life. If your body craves me. You get so used to my constant fuckings, your day is incomplete without them~

Use my WORDS? Pshhhhh. No. I'm just going to use a seventy step plan to permanently tie Tim to me for life with my dick! Because I love him! This is a reasonable and well adjusted way for me to act, I'm gonna get such a good grade in Dad. Now if you'll excuse Bruce, he's gonna go fuck his son.

-🐼🐼🐼

!!! oh my god bruce getting deaged would be his worst nightmare ever- having to join 'new age' spritual things like something-yoga or eating some trendy new food because it aligns with his 'brucie' character- add that in to him not being able to fuck within any age group. his new '20 year old peers' are so incredibly immature and he can't fathom breaking his morality enough to fuck them and the older ones wont let him near them because THEY feel like creeps. so tim being the only logical choice left and bruce also being able to kill two birds with one stone by being able to 1. get off and 2. make sure tim stays close to him😭😭😭

#asks #answered asks #anonymous

[underforeversgrace]

don't sass a sleep deprived ghost

DannyMay 2023 Day 17: Temper

title: don't sass a sleep deprived ghost

words: 1432

Complete

Excerpt: He was tired, he was over this, and he was so fucking done.

~~~~~~

“Dude, when was the last time you slept?” Tucker asked, eyeing the bags on Danny’s face.

Danny groaned and leaned his head against the locker, not even grabbing the books he needed for their morning classes. “Technically? About an hour ago. When was the last time I slept longer than thirty minutes, though? Like ten days ago.”

“Isn’t that when Ember knocked you unconscious?” Sam asked, frowning.

“Yes, how do you think I managed to sleep longer than half an hour?” Danny shot back with a weak grin.

“I don’t think being hit over the head so hard that you lost consciousness counts, bro.” Tucker said.

“Then we’re looking at over a month.”

“Danny!” Both friends exclaimed at the same time.

“I know, I know,” Danny said, waving his hand at them dismissively. “I don’t exactly control how many ghosts show up to beat my ass like a piñata, y’know? And my parents haven’t fixed the lock on the portal. So it’s just open.”

Sam sighed. “I’m worried, Danny. Half ghost or not, you need to sleep. If you were human, you’d probably be half dead by now.”

Danny frowned. “Yeah. If I was human. Good thing I’m dead then.”

Sam flinched. She hadn’t thought that sentence through and Danny - even a year since his accident - did not like being explicitly reminded his humanity was questionable at best. “Danny…”

“Drop it, Sam.” Danny said, irritation creeping into his voice in a way that made her spine tingle. Sometimes she had to stop and remember that Danny - goofy, silly, space obsessed Danny - was legitimately one of the most powerful beings she’d ever encountered. Only some god-like entities were stronger than him.

“Sorry,” she mumbled. He’d just cracked a joke, how had his mood turned so dark so fast?

“It’s fine. Maybe I can nab a nap during science class. I’m failing it anyway.” He grumbled, rubbing his eyes, the irritation already gone from his voice and replaced with exhaustion. She’d never seen him this tired. Should they be worried? A super powered, sleep deprived teenager with already questionable impulse control?

Sam fiddled with the wrist ray she always wore now. Hopefully there were no ghost attacks today. She didn’t want to have to fight something while Danny snoozed.

~~~~~~

Danny felt relieved. They had managed to get through all four morning classes without a single hint of a ghost. And! Because his teachers had all entirely given up on him and didn’t give a flying fuck about him, they let him sleep!

Yeah… he was definitely fine with the way his teachers had given up on him. This was fine.

Regardless, he had managed nearly three hours of sleep between all the classes and his ghost sense had not gone off even once.

Still, as he stumbled to his locker on his way to lunch, he could still feel the weariness all the way to his core. Sam and Tucker walked beside him, not so subtly glancing at him frequently. As much as he appreciated them being concerned for him - and he really did! - he didn’t enjoy the feeling of being watched, especially as on edge as he was. He’d been in at least six fights a day for the past month, ever since the lock on the portal broke.

“Fenturd!” A familiar voice called and Danny groaned. He did not have the energy for this shit today.

“Can we not today?” Danny said, turning around to face the bully.

“I got an F on my math test!” Dash shouted, picking Danny up by his shirt collar and shoving him against the locker. Dash was so mad he was red in the face and a vein was visibly bulging in his neck.

Great. Oh, look, they even had an audience, a semi circle of other students watching on in fascination.

“So did I. The hell do you want?” Danny responded as he forced his body limp, forced his body to not react to the assault.

“To make myself feel better.” Dash sneered, clenching his free hand into a fist and slamming it into Danny’s nose.

Danny yelped in pain, pressing his hand to his now profusely bleeding - and probably broken - nose. Apparently feeling Danny sufficiently wailed on, Dash released the smaller boy, who fell to his knees, still clutching his face.

Seriously? Danny has to get wailed on by ghosts and the dumbest fucking human he’d ever had the displeasure of meeting? “Fucking asshole,” he grumbled, though apparently he did so too loudly, Dash not yet out of earshot.

Dash turned instantly, an angry scowl on his face. “What was that, Fentwerp?”

“Nothing, Dash.” Danny said, pushing himself back to his feet, accepting the tissue Sam handed to him as she glanced at Dash in concern.

“No, no, please repeat yourself,” Dash said, getting back into Danny’s personal space.

“Check your ears, Dash. I didn’t say anything,” Danny insisted.

Dash practically growled in anger as he went to slam another fist into Danny’s face.

This time, however, Danny’s exhaustion caught up with him, and where normal people probably moved slower when tired, Danny routinely fought for his life and his instincts were far and beyond that. Immediately, Danny’s hand came up, catching Dash’s fist. Dash let out a barely audible noise of pain - which made sense, he had just done the equivalent of punching a brick wall.

“Lay. Off.” Danny hissed, tightening his grip on Dash’s hand threateningly before pushing Dash back.

Dash stumbled backwards, shaking the hand Danny had gripped. “Why don’t you make me, geek?”

“Danny…” Sam said beside him, tugging on his sleeve.

Even as she did that, though, Danny heard the students around him beginning to chant. “Fight! Fight! Fight!”

Danny let his backpack slide off his shoulder, landing with a loud thump on the floor. “Y’know what, Dash? I think I will.” Danny said, crouching down slightly and rolling his shoulders to loosen them, a more-than-slightly feral grin on his face. He was tired, he was over this, and he was so fucking done.

Surprise flickered across Dash’s face but he didn’t back down, raising both of his fists up.

“Fight! Fight! Fight!” The chanting continued.

“You gonna stand there and look stupid all day? It really is one of the few skills you’ve mastered.” Danny said, still looking a touch too feral.

Dash took the bait, lunging forward and aiming a fist towards Danny’s stomach.

Too easy.

Danny sidestepped him, hooking one of his feet behind Dash’s ankles and pushing while simultaneously driving an elbow into Dash’s back. Dash yelped as he fell, slamming his face into the locker.

A collective gasp went through the surrounding students. Everyone had been expecting Danny to get a tooth punched out or something, not for wimpy Fenton to nearly lay out their star quarterback.

“That the best you got, Baxter?” Danny taunted, stepping backwards.

“Danny, stop!” Sam called but Danny ignored her.

“Cheap shot, loser.” Dash spat back, getting back to his feet.

“So I’m fighting like you?”

Dash tried to rush him again and Danny just grinned wider. He jumped to the side and took one of Dash’s arms in both hands. He twirled both of them around, launching Dash back directly into the lockers.

Dash recovered faster this time and repeatedly tried to slam his fists into Danny’s face. Danny ducked and weaved, hands behind his back, letting Dash tire himself out. After several swings from Dash, Danny dropped and lashed out one of his legs, knocking Dash’s feet out from under him.

Dash fell and landed with a sharp, pained intake of breath, his back slamming against the linoleum floor.

“Where the hell did you learn how to fight like that, Fenton?” Dash wheezed, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

“My mom has three black belts.” Danny said, shrugging. It technically wasn’t a lie - his mom did have that, it just wasn’t where he learned to fight. “Now fuck off.” He added as he stepped around Dash, spinning the combination to his locker and grabbing his lunchbox.

People parted for him as he walked, many with shocked, open mouthed stares.

Sam and Tuck tagged along behind him.

“Seriously, Danny?” Sam hissed.

At the same time, Tucker said, “Nice one, Danny!”

He was still sleep deprived, he was still so over all the ghosts recently, but maybe now he could avoid fights of a human nature for a little while.

And less fights meant more naps, he determined as he laid his head down on the lunch table and promptly passed out, his friends his ever vigilant guards.

#grace writes #danny phantom #dannymay2023 #Dannymay #Day 17 #Temper

[butyou-callmewhenyourebored]

This Must Be My Dream - Ross MacDonald Imagine

Summary:In which you meet the bassist of your childhood best friend's band at a wedding and pretty much fall head over heels for the handsome musician.

Warnings: None really. A few swear words. If you'd like a warning for them!

Author's Note: I love Ross. I literally go feral every single time I've seen him in the flesh for the past seven years! We don't get enough Ross love in this house. (fandom) Whilst you've all been thirsting over Healy for the past ten years. I've been over here falling in love with Ross and scraping the barrel for Ross content for the past decade! So I've taken it into my own hands! I hope you enjoy! p.s already writing a part two!

2.2k words

The first time you met Ross Macdonald properly was surprisingly not through your mutual friend Matthew but rather the day before your friend from university’s wedding. When she had called you up several months ago and asked you to be one of her bridesmaids, you couldn’t turn down the offer. After all she essentially kept you sane during your time at university. She was your best friend during those three years and although it had been a good few years since you really got to hang out due the nature of life. Rachel still classed you as one of her nearest and dearest.

During your time at the University of Manchester studying fashion marketing, you knew quite early on that you would need to find an extra curricular activity that wasn’t drinking your own body weight in cheap vodka. You needed something that would stimulate your mind but also keep you fit as you were sure that the further you got into your degree, the less time you would have to time to go the gym.

So you stumbled across cheer at the activities fair during your first year and you had seen Bring It On! It looked fun and it was would keep you in good shape, plus you were already a dancer from a young age so what could go wrong? Ohhh a lot could go wrong! You had to be strong mentally and physically to be a cheerleader, you had once watched a girl from an opposing team fall from a great height and break her ankle during competition one year and physically drag herself off the mat so she didn’t get trampled on by the rest of her team. It was brutal!

Going to practice twice a week whilst you trained in the gym was something you really enjoyed and looked forward to after a long week in lectures. It was there you met Rachel. The two of you instantly clicking from the first time you met. The decision to sign up to cheer led you to the woman who encouraged you to keep going when your degree was getting on top of you, stop you from wanting to strangle your idiotic housemates and drank her body weight in wine with you when you got fucked over by boys that weren’t worth your time in the first place.

You owed her your sanity. So when she asked you to be one of her bridesmaids, you just couldn’t refuse. It was the very least you could do for her. You went with her to every wedding dress appointment, beaming with joy when she found the one. Cried with overwhelming happiness when you both got too drunk on her hen do, about how you were so happy she had found David. 

You of course had met David over the years she had been with him and loved him to death too but you didn’t know anything about the men he had chosen for his groomsman. All you knew was that they were called James, Mike and Ross. What your friend had failed to mention when you turned up at the wedding venue the day before was the aforementioned Ross was an international musician and bandmate to your childhood best friend Matty.

You didn’t of course disclose that you had a mutual best friend and had essentially followed his career from the beginning upon first meeting. You didn’t want to overwhelm him and have him think you were an absolute loon who was an obsessed fan because he seemed so sweet and you didn’t want to give the handsome stranger the wrong impression. So you introduced yourself with your best smile and flick of your long brunette hair over your shoulder and told him it was great to meet him before moving along to greet the other groomsman.

You had all spent the evening before the wedding eating dinner, drinking wine, laughing and conversing with the rest of the wedding party and discussing the itinerary of the wedding day. Guessing what their first dance was going to be to and who was walking down the aisle with each other. You had been partnered up with the tall, handsome brunette currently sat opposite you.

The next time you saw him was the morning after as yourself and the other bridesmaids made your way towards the hall in which the wedding ceremony was taking place. Greeting all the gentleman with a warm smile as you got ready to walk down the aisle yourself, to watch your best friend get married to the love of your life.

You stopped in front of Ross. Your breath catching in your throat a little as you drunk in the sight in front of you. He looked devilishly handsome in his suit, a bright smile on his face as he leant down to greet you properly. A soft kiss to your cheek. Goosebumps prickling up your arms as his hands pressed against the small of your back.

“You look beautiful.” He whispered before pulling back. Standing up straight and offering you his arm, just as the welcome music started to play and you were making your way towards the groom who was waiting for you all.

It had happened so quick, you didn’t have time to melt into a puddle on the floor as the words replayed in your head because now you had an audience as your best friend was now walking towards the alter.

The next time you got to speak to him was whilst you were getting your photographs taken before the wedding breakfast. Naturally Rachel wanted the bridesmaids stood next to their partnered groomsmen whilst they took their group photos. You couldn’t help but laugh as he whispered, “I feel like we’re going to prom!” into your ear, as he hands sat loosely on your waist. It took everything in you not cackle like a witch, like you usually do whilst you tried not to ruin the photos for everybody.

Rachel had seated you right next to Ross for the duration of the wedding and the more the day went on and the more you learnt about the man next to you, the more comfortable you felt by his side. You weren’t sure if it was all the wine talking or if it was the fact he was the sweetest (and incredibly handsome) human you had ever met but being next to him just felt right.

During the speeches; you had felt yourself turn naturally into him, leaning against his arm that was lying across the back of your chair as you listened to their family tell their favourite stories about the couple. Your hand even slipped onto his thigh as the room laughed along. It was in the way he didn’t flinch but pulled your chair closer to his without batting an eyelid, you knew that it was okay.

Your hand stayed comfortably on his thigh even as the desserts came out. This angel of a man even letting you try some of his because you had ordered something different and his just looked insanely good. Anyone that didn’t know the two of you would have watched him feed you a spoonful of his dessert and think that you were a couple yourselves and not having met twenty four hours earlier. And you know what you’d let them because you hadn’t felt this giddy around a man in so long, you didn’t care. There wasn’t a moment throughout the day that you didn’t feel fully submerged in happiness caused by him.

When he spun you around the dance floor, the two of you beaming as you sung along to the Backstreet Boys’ As Long As You Love Me together without a care in the world. When he didn’t think twice to pull you into his warm body, his large hand pressed against the small of your back, holding you close as the DJ asked for everyone to join the bride and groom on the dance floor after their first dance and you swayed in his arms to the love song that was playing with a warm blush flushed across your cheeks. 

You were happy and you didn’t want to think about if Rachel and David paired you up with another groomsman or they hadn’t invited Ross to the wedding at all because in your hectic life and with too many fuckboys than you can shake a stick at. Today was honestly the happiest you had been in so long, it made you feel dizzy thinking about how this had even happened with a guy you had only known from afar in less than twenty fours.

Pulling him up to the bar for more drinks. After successfully (and very easily) convincing him to do a tequila shot with you. You finally told him that you had a confession to make. You watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed in anticipation of what he thought was you confessing you already had a boyfriend back home. You automatically reached out to rest your hand on top of his before letting him in on your secret.

“You know I said earlier that I knew of your band and I was a fan?” You watched him nod silently. “Well the reason is not because you’re the biggest band in the world right now. But I’m actually a friend of Matty’s.”

You had watched his face immediately fall and with the fact that the two of you both knew Matty as well as you do. You knew exactly why a frown fell on to his face the way it did and you needed to put his mind at ease because you also didn’t want other people to think that of you.

“No. No! Not like that. Christ no! Matthew is gross!” You chuckled, shaking your head at him as you looked at him with a soft smile. “Tim and Denise are my god parents!”

You watched Ross’ shoulders drop with relief, letting out that glorious laugh of his that had been making your heart flutter all day. Amongst over things. After explaining your reasons for not wanting to seem like a crazy person by dropping you knew his bandmate really well within ten seconds of meeting him and that you wanted to get to know him by yourself. Ross nodded appreciatively, a content look on his handsome features as he smiled back at you. He wasn’t weirded out. Thank God. 

Holding out your hand, he instantly wrapped his hand in yours as you dragged him through a throng of people as you headed back to the dance floor to dance with the bassist. He naturally pulled you into his arms to slow dance along to A Million Love Songs by Take That that was nearing its end and transitioning into a song they both knew all too well.

The opening bars of The Sound echoed through the reception hall. A few people made a noise of appreciation on the dance floor, some got up to dance along. Ross immediately entered flight or fight mode in an attempt to escape the dance floor. You knew he was going to do this so your smaller hand wrapped around his larger one, instantly tugging him to a halt, you looked up at him with your best doe eyes.

“Please.” You begged softly. “I love this one.”

Sighing over dramatically. Ross made his way back to you, the smile you had grown accustomed to throughout the past eight hours you had been by his side was back on his face as you sung the words obnoxiously loud to try and make him laugh again. Succeeding pretty quickly; you wrapped your arms around his neck, hanging off him as you danced goofily with one another. His hands around your waist as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

The pair of you stayed on the dance floor, avoiding the smirk on Rachel’s face as she glided on past you during another slow song until all the guests were called outside for the fireworks. Without hesitation; Ross slipped his suit jacket around your shoulders before you naturally leant against his chest; his chin resting on top of your head, arms wrapped around your shoulders as you watched the firework display together.

After the rest of the wedding guests started to disperse either back inside or off home. The two of you stayed there under the stars, just basking in the last of the warm summer air before you called it a night yourselves. It felt like kismet that you two were to meet. Maybe it was today. Maybe it ten years ago. Maybe in another life time. But turning in his arms; arms already tucked round his middle as you looked up at him to catch his gaze. Ross ran a hand down the side of your face, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear as he cupped your jaw. Your heart thumping as you longed for what you hoped was about to happen.

“I can’t believe Healy has kept you from me all this time.” He chuckled softly.

“Believe me. I’m going to be having words with him.”  You told him with a smirk.

“I’ve had the best time with you today. I’m glad it was you.” 

The grip on your jaw tightened ever so slightly as the oxygen hitched in your throat at the action. “Yeah, I suppose we should thank them at some point.” You mumbled; pausing a moment before pushing yourself up on your tip toes as he leant down and met you in the middle. Your lips connecting in the sweetest kiss. The pair of you pushing up against one another as your kiss got deeper causing you to groan into his kiss before pulling back for air.

“Fuck!” You let our a breathy laugh; forehead resting against his. Staring into his glistening brown eyes, he responded with his infectious laugh. 

“Yeah" Ross sighed against you. "Fuck!” He grinned before pulling you into another deep kiss.

#Ross MacDonald #Ross Macdonald Imagine #Ross MacDonald fic #Ross MacDonald fanfiction #ross macdonald x reader #the 1975 imagine #the 1975 fic #the 1975 x reader #the 1975 #Ross Macdonald #Matty Healy imagine #Matty Healy #George Daniel imagine #George Daniel #Adam Hann #Adam Hann imagine

[southshoretides]

There was a great post I saw a while back but lost about the ideological lens of media criticism that went like "Your average Reylo-hater doesn't hate it because she thinks Rey is not submitting to Kylo as a wife rightfully should, they hate it because it normalizes abuse. People who really hate Avatar tend to think it's colonialist, not that the humans are failing to teach the Na'vi about Christianity. People who hate Harry Potter in 2024 hate it because it's a story about rich prep school kids growing up to become feds plus the trans stuff etc, not because books about magic are Of The Devil."

In other words, you can only say that shaming campaigns/social-media mobbing for people who like Problematic Content is inherently a conservative (i.e. bad) thing (which is an argument I see over and over again, and not just on Tumblr) if you define 'conservative' as entirely divorced from its object-level goals (re: family, religion, law and order, etc) and round it off to "telling people that their feelings are invalid or immoral," with the implied inverse being that it's unprogressive to ever criticize someone's tastes in media.

And I guess that's internally consistent if your modal progressive is a live-and-let-live hippie with a high openness-to-experience and agreeability scores, that's internally consistent. But it's 2024 and if that's your modal progressive, I'm wondering why. Part of the reason this sort of stuff gets me genuinely worked up in a way little else does these days is that it seems so willfully, deliberately ignorant of the last ten years of cultural change, and it often comes from people who really ought to know better.

Because if you listen to the sort of people who hate Problematic Content, you will find that they indeed don't care about media spreading the Gospel, or enforcing traditional heteronormative values, or being patriotic, in fact they have contempt for all those things (which are, yes, themselves, kind of hall-of-mirrorsy concepts, but the important point here is that most conservatives define themselves as favorable to those concepts).

But what they do care about is media that enforces harmful stereotypes, or causes harm to marginalized groups, or defends capitalism/nationalism/etc, and other things conservatives don't really care about. And it is entirely internally consistent to say "I hold progressive values XYZ, I think that fiction that opposes my values will weaken them, ergo I want to ban or suppress fiction that opposes my values." There's nothing inherently un-leftist about that, the Soviet bloc did it for decades! There are millions and millions of people who think that way who openly and proudly despise all things conservative and Republican.

Thousands of words have been spilled about what happened to the left in the 10s, how they willingly took on the pro-censorship, pro-word-police mantle once various proto-Trumps and the big guy himself ran in the opposite direction. Maybe the last few years of things (somewhat, sorta) swinging back the other way have made people forget. (And I put 'in 2024' up there for a reason: the battlefield really was very different as little as 15 years ago. But now it's not.)

But I think it's more likely that people who think you can't be both censorious and a progressive are simply still unwilling to truly accept that, that we have this whole class of people who may say the right things and vote the right way on green fuel and gay rights and whatever else, who claim the mantle of progressives, but are as strict and paranoid and closed-minded as any conservative in practice when it comes to anything outside their comfort zone, just as dependent on whisper campaigns and public moral grandstanding and consent-manufacture as the conservatives they hate.

And this is embarrassing for leftists who don't believe in media censorship, so they try to write these guys off as infected by enemy memes, or double agents, or just hopelessly confused. Either way, they're not real progressives, because they're not how I'd prefer progressives to be. And like again, fine, you can do that, but we have a term for that behavior, not a complimentary one. "Progressives don't ban books" only hold true insofar as progressives don't ban books--that the people with the levers of power in the progressive movement refrain from doing that.

Ultimately, a book banned for reasons of blah blah Jesus morals Christian America is a banned book, and a book banned for reasons of blah blah privilege historical inequity triggers trauma is a banned book, and no clever rhetoric can get you around that.

[tomorrowusa]

Nancy Pelosi is able to put the country's interest ahead of petty name calling.

Former Congresswoman Liz Cheney says she never had a lengthy conversation with Nancy Pelosi before the then-House Speaker asked her to join the House January 6 committee. Their odd-couple relationship, Cheney wrote in her new book, ended up being critical to a sprawling investigation that became one of the largest in the lengthy history of congressional probes. As a sign of just how unusual it was, Cheney said she later found out that a Pelosi staffer tried to talk the speaker out of her unusual request. "Later, I would learn that when the Speaker was deciding whether to appoint me, her staff pulled together a list of the 10 worst things I ever said about her," Cheney wrote in "Oath and Honor: A Memoir and a Warning" which was published on Tuesday. "Speaker Pelosi took one look at the list, handed it back to her staffer, and asked, 'Why are you wasting my time with things that don't matter?'"

Contrast Pelosi's professional attitude with Donald Trump's vindictive approach to just about everything.

Trump's desire to repeal Obamacare has nothing to do with healthcare or government philosophy.

The deeply unsettling reason that explains Trump’s attacks on Obamacare

The truth is, Trump’s latest vow to repeal Obamacare is not about policy. Trump has other aims. First, he believes going after the signature achievement of President Obama plays well with his base. The ACA has the support of nearly 60% of Americans, so it might seem an unlikely target of political attack — except for the fact that Obama was extremely unpopular with the GOP base. Among Republicans, only 18%  approved of how Obama handled his two terms in the White House. Second, Trump has long appeared obsessed with attacking — and if at all possible undoing — Obama’s legacy. When Obama left office in January 2017, a CNN poll showed him with a 60% approval rating, landing him near the top of the list of presidential approval ratings upon leaving office. In contrast, Trump left office with a 34% approval rating — the lowest of his term. Those numbers must stick in the craw of a braggadocious man who has always seemed obsessed with being the biggest and the best.

Yep, Trump wants to end healthcare for tens of millions of Americans just because he doesn't like Obama and he is jealous of Obama's legacy.

All Trump can point to from his time in office:

A disastrously botched response in the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic which led to the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Americans and yet another Republican recession.

A failed coup d'état which trashed the US Capitol and almost tanked American democracy.

A crumbling border wall which Mexico didn't pay for.

Packing the US Supreme Court with anti-abortion fanatics.

A foreign policy in which he embraced totalitarian dictators while disdaining longtime loyal allies of the US.

Oh yeah, more tax breaks for the filthy rich which widened the income gap in the US.

Trump is a narcissistic and mean-spirited sociopath who isn't qualified to hold ANY office. He doesn't have a fraction of a fraction of the class of Nancy Pelosi.

#nancy pelosi #liz cheney #“oath and honor” #house january 6th committee #donald trump #barack obama #obamacare #healthcare #trump is a narcissistic sociopath #election 2024

[compassionatereminders]

Can I ask how you accepted not being able to work/go to school? I'm gonna have to drop out of high school soon because my chronic illnesses just make it impossible for me to do much more than lay in bed all day and I feel so much like I failed. Everyone else in my family is going to go to college (some of them are starting this year and one's been in for a few years) and all of them already are so accomplished but I barely scraped by in school for several years and didn't attend any classes most days. They tried letting me work from home but I still don't have the energy for it and I just feel so much like I've failed. I want to be like everyone else and not stuck at home all day. I wanna feel like I contribute to the world, you know? Right now I just feel like a waste of space.

It's been ten years since I dropped out of the education system for good, so I've had a long time to work on accepting that I can't live a normal life. It definitely wasn't an easy process and I still struggle to find peace with it, but what helped me through it was a combination of: 1. Surrounding myself with genuinely supportive loved ones who believe that I am doing everything I can. 2. Finding value and purpose in the things I can still do. It probably sounds silly, but this blog is probably one big reason why I've made peace with my lack of achievements because it allows me to contribute in some capacity and make other people's lives a little more joyful. 3. Building compassion for myself through being compassionste towards others. If I wouldn't judge another person for being in this kind of situation - and I wouldn't - then that means I'm also worthy of that consideration. It takes time to internalize, but it has helped me to continually remind myself that I am not ACTUALLY the only human exception to basic compassion.

#chat with kat

[jackharlou]

i was wkderong if youd do fic based on the song james by maggie rogers?

they told you how hard it was going to be, damn, even he did. he told you that one day he'll leave, but you still decided to give him your heart. it wasn't the best decision you've ever made but you could never regret it. he gave you the best memories of your teenage years.

"«Too young, too thoughtless», I said to myself"

"i don't want this to end after I leave" - he said one night. his trip was already planned, his closet was almost empty and Urban was all set to accompany him on this new life.

"against what everyone else says, I don't think it has to end" - you murmured, wanting to believe your own words.

"And I’m still hoping, waiting for you to come home"

it's been a few months since he left, and you too had already started losing contact. he was busy working and trying to grow his contacts, and you were working and studying. life was hectic for you two and it was pulling you away really fast. Christmas and New Years Eve came and you really deep down expected him to come home, but he never did.

"May you stay safe and happy all of your days"

"i think he really believes in me and in my talent. i can tell how hard he has been working to help me grow, to get me connected" - he said over a facetime video call you had been planning for almost a week now.

the way he spoke, the shine he had in his eyes, how excited he was sharing his stories and experiences... it seemed worthy, the pain, you mean. he seemed happy, these new people you have never met were taking care of him and his dream... he was happy and in a safe place, so you were happy too.

"Maybe you found a far prettier lover"

"Brazilian artist, Anitta, was seen pretty close to emerging rapper, Jack Harlow. Sources say they were seen dancing and being very affectionate before leaving the party together through the back exit" - you read on a Instagram post you saw on the search section of the app.

you only took a deep breath, turned off your phone and tried to pay attention to the teacher in front of you. the class was over without you realizing or taking a single note.

you entered a coffee shop and when you looked at the screen behind the barista there was a video playing; "Downtown" by J Balvin and Anitta. you've never heard of her and you couldn't help but think "she's so pretty"

the barista looked up to the screen and nodded - "she's so hot" - apparently you said it out loud. you only smiled slightly at the guy and waited for your coffee with your mind running so fast.

"And on my birthday I told you, «Don't worry, there’ll be other days.»"

"I'll try my hardest to be there, i promise" - he knew how important birthdays were for you, and how much you loved to celebrate them, including yours.

being at your party you couldn't help but think that the guy who has been there for your birthday parties since you were ten wasn't there, but you weren't mad, on that specific day he got the opportunity to meet one of his favorite DJs and producers.

"I'll make it up to you, baby, i promise" - he seemed sincere and hurt because he failed you.

"it's ok" - you faked a smile, trying to make him believe your words - "there'll be other days to celebrate"

"I’ll always be happy if you choose to call

Or write me a letter saying all that you saw"

"am i bothering you? you seem busy" - you had your phone standing against the computer screen of your office. while talking to him you were doing some work that required a lot of your attention, but you would take any chance to talk to him.

"jack, you can call anytime. i always have time for you" - your words made him feel bad, because he was noticing how lately he only called you a few times, when you used to talk daily. he also noticed how you never called, it was always him. he knew it was because you didn't want to bother and just expected him to dedicate some time to you.

"No don’t be a stranger, no don’t go too far"

"wow, that's huge" - he was showing you the 'KY' necklace he got recently. it seemed odd to you, because he was never someone who liked to brag about money or material things, but, it's been almost a year now. people change, specially him with how much and how fast his career has grown. he wasn't the same boy you said goodbye to at the entrance of his old house.

"Just know in the city, you’ll always have a place to stay"

"i'll be going home soon. i have a show there, and i'm really dying to see you" - he texted you after you couldn't pick up for phone because you were on a date, a date he didn't know about.

when he told you the day he'll be arriving, you marked it down on your calendar.

days later, being really close to jack's arrival, this new guy you were hanging out with invited you on a quick road trip to visit his sister. you had to tell him the truth; you couldn't give him more than a friendship. luckily he understood, and giving you your space, he left.

"with me you'll always have a place to stay" - you randomly texted, making you feel so dumb after you hit the send button. you would have felt better if you had seen the smile on his face after he checked his phone.

▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁

Tag: @skybridgerton

#never heard this song before and it's so beautiful #so thank you #jack harlow #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow fic #jack harlow blurb #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow smut

[rigaudon]

highly controversial (esp for tumblr) take under the cut, brought to you by me, less than 24 hours after running out of my antidepressants

i hate the continued trend of "quirkifying" (thing i made up just now) mental illness, but I especially hate how recently tumblr has latched onto, specifically, adhd and autism and turned them into personality types that people slap on a name tag to show off how unique they are. I hate that being neurodivergent has become the go-to excuse for terminally online people to justify their shitty behavior. I hate the sentiment that being unmedicated is something to be proud of. I hate that wanting to be fucking normal is a cardinal sin, because ew why would you want to be like those boring neurotypicals.

I hate it. I want to be normal. I started taking medication for ADHD when I was four years old and I have never, not once in my life, thought it was a Fun Thing To have. I hate that I've spent the last 15 years slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm probably--no almost definitely--autistic, but am still vehemently opposed to it and unable to reconcile that fact despite all the evidence. I don't want to be autistic. I don't want to have adhd. I don't want to make these things a part of my identity that I share with people in the same breath as I talk about my favorite video games or dnd class.

It's not fun. It's not a cute, exclusive club you get to be part of.

It's miserable and alienating and people don't take it seriously. Because you're just lazy and not trying hard enough. Why haven't you done this task you promised you'd do six months ago. Why did you fail out of college? Why did you squander that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Why don't you finish anything you start? Having a low attention span isn't an excuse to not communicate like a normal person. I've had to tell you this five times why can't you just remember? Why can't you save any money? Why are you so fucking weird? Don't you ever think about anyone other than yourself?

Why can't you Just Be Normal?

I would give anything to just be a shitty, irresponsible person who makes bad decisions out of carelessness or lack of empathy. I would give anything to be a "boring neurotypical". Because I could work on that. I could become a better person. i could learn from my mistakes and have that actually mean something practically rather than just cognitively.

It's an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Accepting that my brain just does not work correctly and no amount of positive thinking, or bullet journaling, or time management skills, or even medication will fix it. It will always be a struggle. It will always be a ten ton weight shackled to my ankles that I have to drag behind me through any task that doesn't result in instant gratification. There will never be a permanent solution. I will never wake up one day and suddenly be able to do these basic fucking tasks that everyone else does without issue. I will always have to remind myself to brush my teeth, or to eat breakfast, or to take a shower, or to make sure my cats get fed. It will always be an ordeal to get the mail or to go grocery shopping or to keep myself from sabotaging every good thing in my life for the umpteenth time.

It's exhausting. I'm so tired. I'm so sick of fighting against myself every waking moment of every single day. I'm so sick of being told that I don't deserve any kind of accommodations or allowances or compromises and there is no excuse because "everyone else has to do these things and you don't get special treatment".

I don't want special treatment. I don't want everything different or "wrong" with me to be painted on my skin in bright red ink for everyone to see. I don't want to be reduced to a bunch of boxes so people can just glance at the labels and decide that's all they need to know about me. I don't want to stand out. I don't want to be different. I want to fucking blend in and be unremarkable and boring.

I just want to be fucking normal.

#literally just me whining and ranting #i'm not a person at all right now I can't think for more than 30 seconds and any time I start a task I stop five minutes later #I can't even put something mindless on to watch because the process of turning on the tv and picking a show is Too Many Steps

[landthatplane-blog]

Late Night/Early Morning. Thoughts on McLaren and Daniel Ricciardo. 

Basically me trying to outlogic all the online haters and their arguments, or at least get them to empathize. Long time lurker, but recent events are causing this verbal vomit essay. Please forgive any newb to Tumblr mistakes.

Of course - this is sport and nobody should get abuse, but we also should be able to call it how we see it. Also, trying to find nuance, empathy and sympathy is what the world really needs. 

Daniel Ricciardo deserves better. He is clearly a respected member of the F1 community and some people are forgetting the ten years he's been a part of the sport. While he had some bad races these past two years, he’s also had good ones and he still deserves a place in F1.

To everyone who says "Daniel wasn't performing, he deserves it..." McLaren absolutely had and has the choice to make a change, if they felt he wasn't performing, but it wasn't for lack of trying and they didn't need to eviscerate Daniel to do so. That's what people are upset about. The lack of integrity Zak Brown has when it came to dealing with this was just astonishing. Dangling an F1 seat that wasn't technically available to so many people. Imagine having a job/contract, and your boss is interviewing people all around the building you work at...for your job! This was clearly happening for months - how can anyone expect someone to perform well? So while DR hasn't been performing with a car that's difficult, add this and is it really a surprise he's been inconsistent? Just imagine what he's had to go through this year. Add world stage, and the pressure becomes something impossible to ignore. 

Also - what's the point of a contract? In my opinion, Zak Brown wanted Daniel to quit so they wouldn't have to pay out his contract. Obviously that didn't happen, guessing due to Oscar/Alpine blow up. How McLaren could negotiate such a terrible contract for themselves? One will never know. Thank goodness Daniel gets paid out - they broke the contract. They're also effectively and potentially leaving him without a drive in F1 for 2023 - so yes, they should be paying him out. That's the point of a contract. 

Ultimately, they could have worked with Daniel to ensure a more honorable and peaceful exit. Who knows maybe if Daniel knew this was going on / they wanted the change - and didn't overtly commit to McLaren - Aston Martin could have been another option. Sigh, what could have been. (Ps. Scotty James/Chloe Stroll/Lance Stroll get papa Stroll to move away from Fernando and sign DR. Based on public personas, sure Lance would rather work with DR anyway. And since contracts don't seem to hold up, why can't this be a reality? Kidding, kind of. Ha)

Ultimately, nobody denies it's a bad fit between Daniel and McLaren and a change should happen - they didn't need to tear the man down to do it. Hate the circumstances, but ultimately happy Daniel is getting out. 

Also, do people really think Oscar Piastri is innocent in this? Or maybe Mark Webber poorly managed this situation. He and Mark Webber went after a seat that wasn't technically available (no matter how McLaren positioned it), one a fellow countryman technically held. It's a sad start to Oscar's F1 career because it's leaving a bad taste in everyone's mouth. 

And fuck yes to Seb Vettel for not only supporting Daniel, but pointing out what no one else will. They have failed him - not only in never extracting his potential (aka getting the car closer to Daniel and his strengths), but more monstrously, they failed him as a human. For everyone saying it's a business (even Daniel has admitted that), and it is, but some empathy and kindess could have gone along way.

Now, McLaren is like divorced couple who have to live in the same house for nine more races. 

And through it all, Daniel remains resilient. Class act. He's basically killing them with kindness. I hope he finds what he's looking for next year and beyond. He deserves better. 

And jumble of thoughts over. Anyone share these thoughts? A little nervous to post. Happy to have discourse and disagreement, but please be respectful♥️

#daniel ricciardo #danny ric #ricciardo #formula 1 #formula one

[artemisbarnowl]

When you're not staying up past your bedtime tell us your thoughts about checking up on people via social media!

Thank you for indulging me this long weekend why would you do this

Warning I'm gonna be pathetic because i am still grieving a nine year relationship and grieving, especially in this context, feels so UNDIGNIFIED. Also its my grieving thoughts about the socials thing not like well srticulated thoughts about the socials with some grieving mixed in. I just have a lot of feelings and i need to get them out.

1. Like, ultimately don't. Its not helpful at all i think. Unless if literally is just idle curiosity about what happened to someone in your class from ten years ago and you actually dont care what you find.

2. I am experiencing the urge to check up on my ex CONSTANTLY. (They do not really use social media this doesnt amount to much btw). I understand why people be lurking on someones insta or whatever to see what theyve been up to. Sometimes you hope theyre failing and miserable because they did you wrong and you want to feel validated. In my particular case i am worried, and i miss them. There are no posts for me to see or wonder about so this is useless but i think i also want to see that my ex is sad (because i was important to him for such a long time) but also, not like, too sad. And I'm fantasising about him sort of DOing something about it. I want to see what he's up to. Is is dancing? Is he injured? Is he Making? Is he finding small joys in life like hanging out with friends or seeing a cute creature on a walk? Seeing posts about these things would not help me! Because i would likely assume he was not sad, then i would feel angry and bitter and disappointed in myself for wasting my time. We dont share when we are sad (or why) on socials. I am NEVER going to see a post that effectively says "my smart and beautiful and extraordinary girlfriend of 9 years left me, and I am sad i couldn't be what she needed. I miss her a lot and wish i could have showed her this garden i saw today, she would have loved it. I will never forget her and dont know how to be okay with this". No one is going to see that. But ultimately i think we check up on people because what we want to see is some variation of that, so we can feel validated and know that they UNDERSTAND how were feeling.

Because this is tumblr I have made stupid posts a bit like this! I miss him all the time, i made a facebook post about a doco that I watched in the hopes that he would see it and watch it, because i think he'd like all the adorable english woodland creatures. This is also stupid! As are posts showing how well youre doing in hopes ypur ex seems them and feels stupid. Devoting this much energy to a game in your head where you will never get an outcome that satisfies you cannot help you move on or heal. But i do think its weird that we look for any possible thread that tied us to people we are without, even the terrible online ones that can never retie us! We talk to gravestones like the dead can hear us. I am currently checking my mailbox every day for a letter that might not ever arrive, and even if it does it sure and shit wont contain any information that helps me live my new single life where no one thinks I'm special, and there's no one I'm 100% comfortable to be all of myself around and who I dont get tired of being with.

I will never know if he saw the fb post, let alone watched and had opinions on the doco I talked about. Knowing wont help. He knew i have a tumblr but i dont think he'd go through it as its a huge pile of memes and stuff he wouldnt understand to look for 3 things that say im sad. And again, knowing I'm sad won't help.

Normally im very good at being like "well this is unproductive/not the best course of action" and then, you know, STOPPING but unfortunately I will continue to wonder how he is and what hes up to and cling to actually unreasonable, unfounded fantasies of what happens IF he sees.

Anyway this is a long vent that basically says i think i get why people do it now but ultimately it will never bring the carthsis we hope for (:

He knew i had a tumblr but I dont think he's checking up on me coz. Whats the point. Its a lot of stupid memes for 3 im sad posts. Which accomplish nothing as discussed.

#its been...just under 3 months since the break up? #and I am still so so caught up in the fact thst the last weekend we spent together before he flew home was nice #he felt the pressure was off so he could just do what he wanted #which was talk more and answer questions and be more affectionate #which is all i ever wanted in the first place!! #and after all that time together he was still more scared of moving in any direction and it being wrong #than he trusted that i would treat him with kindness and respect and understanding no matter what he did #i dont think it'll ever not hurt that when booking plane tickets (a few months before) he couldnt decide between #spending an extra day with me and a ten dollar cheaper fare #not because he didnt like me but because he was frozen by the possibility of there being a wrong choice #and like there is if the reasoning isnt 'i have to be back for a significant event' and is IS 'i dont actually want to spend time with you' #then hiding that through indecision does no one any favours #unfortunately my biggest regret now is that i was uglu crying at the airport when we kissed goodbye for the last time #its very vain but i worry he will remember me like that #i could barely stand i was so upset!!! and i am concerned about my looks and keeping a man :'( #highly pathetic you were warned #anyway i miss him and i am afraid he is alone and sad and i cannot help

[quinnsqueries]

Why Everyone Should Read "A Mango Shaped Space"

Wendy Mass was the first author I ever truly loved. Believe it or not, it took me until the ripe age of ten years old to truly love reading. And I remember the first book that actually got me hooked, and no it wasn't Mango, it was, however, by Wendy Mass. And, in classic little kid style, it was part of a series of books and I read them backwards.

And, I really just want to congratulate Wendy Mass on her writing abilities. She made me laugh, squeal and cry in one whole night. Three hours, to be exact, as that is how long it took me to read the whole book. And, well, it'd been a long time since I read it, so I didn't remember too much about the book, and what I did remember was the most tragic event in the book, the premise, and that the main character saw her grandfather in her kitten.

And, well, even though I knew what happened, I knew the tragic event was, well, tragic...it still didn't prepare me for it enough because I sobbed like a baby when it happened. I don't want to say what happened because, spoilers, but like, jesus christ, I cried. And I don't do that very often with books these days.

Anyway, I really recommend reading A Mango Shaped Space if you haven't, because I saw myself in the main character. Now, I don't have synesthesia, but I still saw myself in Mia, and maybe you will too. If you don't want spoilers for the book, then I suggest you stop reading here. If you don't mind it, if you need more convincing, then read along!

My first though when rereading this book was: Wow, Mia, you and I are so alike, I can't do math either. My second thought was, wow, Mia has anxiety. The opening scene is our protagonist, Mia, trying to solve a math problem and failing. She's never been good at math and she says it's because of the colors she sees and how it just doesn't work correctly when she tries to do math.

Mia was in front of the class trying to solve a math problem, and since she's not good at math, she's trying to stall for time, so she attempts to solve the problem while putting all the numbers in the "correct" color. Except, other people don't see the world as colorfully as Mia, and this ends up with her in the principals office realizing that maybe she's different and that it's not a good thing. This ultimately ends up with Mia trying to hide how different she is.

Now let's pause here for a moment. This scene not only builds up the entire plot of the book, but also reminds me of a lot of different things. Whenever someone thinks there might be something wrong with them, it can often be overlooked. With Mia it was her synesthesia, but with other people it can be so many different things. Autism, ADHD, depression...

I think this book is coded for neurodivergency, whether Wendy Mass meant it or not, and honestly, that means so much for me. And I'll further explain why I felt that way as I reveal more of the story, but for now, just trust me on this one.

The next scene sets up Mia's life as it currently is. We meet her best friend Jenna, her mom and dad, and her little brother Zack. And let me tell you: this family is weird and I love it. Wendy Mass built the characters so realistically, she legit brought them to life. Her little brother is obsessed with superstitions and has kept track of every single McDonalds burger he's ever eaten. Her older sister basically never touched grass in her life and then spends a summer in California and is obsessed with all of these nature-y spirity things. Her mom is very clean and horrible with dealing with emotions. She used to be a science teacher and loves astronomy. Her dad is the more sensitive parent (which like? Hello! We never get that!) He's constantly building and expanding their house, which is something he'd battle with his dad against until he died. He flies a hellicopter!

And then there's Mia. Who, like me, sucks at math, is okay with english and history, and is super artistic. She gets overwhelmed by a lot of noise, which the first time we see this happen, is when her brother turns up all of her clocks so when it strikes 5pm they'll all go off. It's super loud and overwhelming and Mia can't see straight. I get that way too, and the way Wendy Mass writes is super relatable.

If I had been prepared, I would have been able to anticipate the onslaught, but now it is overwhelming and I feel like I'm suffocating.

I get this way too! When things are too loud, if there's too many people around me, etc, I can't breathe, which Mass depicts, too. Mia has to crouch on the floor just so she can breathe. And then when the noise goes away, which causes the colors to go away, she can breathe again. This is a realistic depiction of anxiety, and while this is due to Mia's synesthesia, I think a lot of people can relate to how Mia is feeling in this moment.

Mia is then, understandably, afraid of hearing too many sounds, but when she takes control of the noise, like putting on music, then she's perfectly fine with it. Here's another quote from the book which just resonated with me.

All of them, belonging, at that minute, only to me.

This quote is in relation to the colors, but really just accurately depicts how when we have control of things, you really just feel at peace. And since it's preceded by such a powerful scene of feeling out of control, I think this sentence is just kinda perfect.

Another powerful scene is when Mia meets another kid like her. His name is Billy and he's five years old. Mia meets him at a supermarket and at first she doesn't realize that he's like him, but when she's does she's shocked. And, reasonably, scared and confused. This pushes the plot forward, and the next big scene is Mia coming clean to her parents. But first, just another quote that made me scream.

These visits are hard for her, no matter what she says. Or doesn't say. I hurry back to the house thinking of all the things we keep from other people. Even our best friends.

This quote sums up so much of the book, and it comes so early on. Mia's been keeping her synesthesia to herself for years, and it causes so many problems. It makes her feel isolated, which in turn, when she finds out that there are other people like her, makes her go crazy. She hyperfixates and loses track of whats right in front of her. Wendy Mass depicts what life is all about, depicts something that can really happen to anyone, depending on how isolated they feel. And it doesn't have to just be with synesthesia, it can be with anything! And that is what I loved about this book more.

If you haven't been convinced to keep reading, well...we're only on page 50.

So, like I said, the next big scene is Mia telling her parents that she has synesthesia, though she doesn't yet know the name for her condition. Beforehand, she's talking about why certain things, like math and languages are hard for her, because, no matter what she tries, they don't make sense.

When she tells her parents about the colors, they reasonably freak out. They argue back and forth about how it's their fault she's this way, the mom tries reason it with Mia having just memorized the colors because of the blocks she played with as a kid, and then they decide to set up a doctors appointment. All they want to do is fix Mia.

Also, I just want to point out, at this point, that even insignificant characters, like the history teacher in this book have such stunning quirks. The history teacher is a germaphobe and when Mia gets called down to be picked up, she doesn't know what it's for and her instant reaction is "did I put my history homework in the wrong pile?"

And, if I haven't given you enough quotes, heres another one that resonates with me.

At that point I would rather have been called anything but crazy. It's one thing for me to call myself crazy. It is another thing entirely when a doctor does it.

At this point in the book Mia has been referred to a therapist, or that's at least what they call her. Who, by the way, assumes Mia's making this up. And Mia thinks that because she's been referred to a therapist the doctor is calling her crazy, which, I don't entirely think he was. He just wasn't sure what to do about her condition since he doesn't specialize in that field.

Anything, the next thing we know, Mia tells her best friend about synesthesia and she gets upset. Previously in the book we learned Jenna's mom died when she was young and it had such an impact on her, which is why she's scared that Mia had been hiding such a big part of her life from her. She doesn't understand what is going on with Mia, and she seems like she might be sick at this point in the book, since nobody knows what synesthesia is. So, they have a fight because Jenna is scared that her best friend might die, even if she doesn't say it out loud, we can tell.

Mia then meets the therapist and gets referred to a neurologist, who, when Mia and her mom meet in person, then tells her what synesthesia is, since he specializes in it. He then says they can meet again sometime, sends Mia off with a website, and she's reasonably happy. She then spends the later half of the book hyper fixating on her new terminology, learning more about synesthesia, and making a new friend through the website. All the while ignoring what she has in real life. She distances herself from Jenna, who she finally made up with, and the rest of her friends. She ignores her schoolwork, and even does acupuncture because she read online that it really brings out her colors.

Now, at this point, I think it's only fair to bring up the cat, Mango. The namesake of the book. Mia first met Mango after her grandfather died, and she reminded her of him because they had the same eyes. She believes a part of her grandfather lives on through Mango, which softened her grandfathers death. But, the thing is, Mango, despite being fairly young, is dying, which is hinted at through the book. Mango has a lung condition and takes medicine for it.

During a meetup of people with synesthesia Mia has her first kiss and it's the best night of her life. And then, once she gets home, she realizes that Mango is missing. He'd gotten trapped outside. Mia brings him inside but something isn't right. Mango is dying and the roads are flooded. They try to take him to the vet via helicopter, but he dies on the way. And Mia is blaming herself for it. She thinks she hadn't been paying enough attention to Mango, and because of that he died.

My eyes open wide, and the pain hits me in thick black waves. Then I scream loud enough to wake the dead. Only it doesn't.

This quote was what made the tear-gates flood. Mia is grieving and hard. And during the next couple of chapters there are so many raw quotes, things like "I wish the ice would go right through me and take the pain away." Because Mia just lost her best friend, and she doesn't know how to cope. And also, her colors are gone, because it's a traumatic experience and apparently that happens.

And, also, it's Jenna's birthday party that day, and Mia just feels stuck in bed. And Jenna is blaming the synesthesia get-together for Mia being absent to being early for setting up. This gets resolved quickly by Mia's mom calling Jenna and explaining that Mango died, but this further shows us that Mia really had been neglecting everything in favor of researching/being hyper-fixated on her diagnosis. On her explanation of why she is the way she is.

The book then comes to a close with Mia finding Billy, whom she had been searching for in hopes of helping him and his family learn more about who he is and what he has, and with Mia reconnecting with her loved ones. And really, they ended it even softer with finding Mango's children, because he'd been courting another cat. Jenna's cat.

And well, I just really loved this book. So, please, please read it and tell me your thoughts. Did you also find that it's coded in nuerodivergency and other mental health issues?

#wendy mass #a mango shaped space #book recommendations #reading recommendations #nuerodiversity #synesthesia

[kissporsche]

i have a headcanon and i want to bother you with it not only because i dont want to suffer alone, but also because hopefully someone will add it to a fic

[tw mentall illness talk, ptsd mention, ocd mention, panic attack mention]

so, i think macau and vegas (all theerapanyakul children really) are a lot more codependent than we could see in the series. vegas believes macau will leave him because that's how his mind works, but I can't imagine macau ever leaving because vegas is his protector. every single traumatic event he went through in his life, his big brother was by his side, probably putting himself in harm's way to protect his baby brother from the worst of it. the first time macau had to go through trauma alone was when vegas almost died. he has to have developed a level of PTSD from it.

imagine it: macau waking pete up with his screams as he dreams about vegas dying or his dead father haunting him; macau losing sleep for days, spending hours barely blinking as he watches vegas's monitors to make sure his heart was still beating; macau maybe developing OCD and picking up rituals he believes will keep his brother from dying (knocking the doorframe ten times, always standing on the right side of his bed, holding the chopsticks with his non dominant hand, maybe even refusing to eat any sort of funeral food and not letting people feed it to vegas when he wakes up); getting extremely anxious if vegas is out of his view, and later if Pete is out of view as well, since he became family.

of course, vegas and Pete notice it's happening and they can't do anything about it other than reassuring him they are fine and they won't die and he will never be alone. they take him out of school because he is failing every class anyway and talk to the main family's doctor to see what they can do to help him.

pete and vegas know they have to leave the main family's compound as soon as possible or else they'll remain slaves to korn and vulnerable to his plans, whatever they are for them, but they know it will be impossibly stressful for macau. vegas eventually gets angry and screams that he should get over it and, look, he is fine, he won't die, but if he does macau has to be able to deal with it because mafia life is just like that. pete gets pissed at him and has to manage macau on his own, because he starts panicking and crying, and vegas crumbles seeing it, but macau won't let him touch him.

later they talk and macau says they can leave, he is ready to leave, and vegaspete know he isn't but they have no choice, so they go along anyway. it takes months more than it would if macau was better, but they manage to run and the next entire year, instead of trying to gather themselves up, vegaspete put all their energy to getting macau back together, at least enough so that he can go back to school (a new school, of courses, under a new name) so they can follow their plans (in my hand their plan would be to found another mafia group distinct from the main and minor families)

OKAY HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY GOOGLEDOCS BECAUSE YOU SENT THIS NO MORE THAN 5 MINUTES AFTER I WROTE THIS AS A NOTE FOR KP WEEK:

I am fully in support of both sharing suffering AND soliciting fic writers for stories, so if any writers would like to run with this PLEASE go for it!!!

I totally agree that Vegas has done a hell of a lot to try and shield Macau from the worst of the world they live in, but I don't think any Theerapanyakul has come out of this unscathed. Macau had to get the news that not only had his father been killed by his uncle (probably not a surprise all things considered), but his brother was also fighting for his life and might not make it. Oh, and the minor family is now under the control of someone new and he's officially under Korn's "care", as is Vegas if he even lives.

That poor boy's whole life just got ripped up into pieces and for the first time in his life he DOESN'T have his big brother there to help him through it. I think it's a big reason why he and Pete bond so quickly during that time, because Macau desperately needs a big brother to support him and Pete needs to be useful for someone.

But yeah totally agree that the PTSD (not just for Macau, for all of them) could spiral out of control because although they all try to help each other through it they aren't therapists, they love each other but they're still all broken and jagged at the edges and can't do everything perfectly all the time. Especially because Macau is still so young, it hits him hard and the fact they're still stuck under Korn for the time being means it's impossible to move on.

AAA thank you for sharing your idea!! Any fic writers want to do this idea justice for our sweet Macau, please go ahead!

#answer #youkidding-me #long post

[autimind]

(This might come off as hating on you or others but I can't think of a better way to phrase it.) Why would you be proud of me? You don't know me and neither does anyone else, I've been hiding behind a mask for so long that in middle school people were scared of me because they thought I was going to "shoot up the school". It got to the point where I was called into the security office and they had to ask if I was planning on killing anyone or if I had access to any weapons at home. At the same time, I've always been a great student, never causing problems, always doing my work, and never disrupting class. I've heard "you did great!" enough that that's become the standard, if I didn't hit that point I failed myself. In middle school, I cried when I got my first B, the same thing happened when I got my first C and D in high school. The only reason why I have any idea of what I want to do with my life is that I felt pressured into it so I picked the major that was closest to my hobbies. The few friends that I have made, I either know through my brother or in elementary school where kids didn't judge me and the only time I ever talk to them is because they started the conversation or I complain to them about something. The only person I can confidently say is my friend I haven't seriously talked to in months, to the point where I question if he even thinks of me because I'm such a shit person that I can only talk about mutual interests or things that bother me. In middle school, I thought of myself as better than everyone else because I worked quickly and the one person I knew was better at math than me I hated him because I always thought that he was an asshole to me while being friendly to everyone else though it was probably just me being an ass to him and then blaming it on him. I lash out when somebody asks what I'm doing because I'm scared they'll judge me for it. I have no trouble looking at what other people are doing to satiate my own curiosity but when someone does the same I immediately hide whatever I was doing and get defensive.

So I ask again, why would you be proud of me? I'm an arrogant, burnout, self-isolating, self-loathing overachiever who can't voice his emotions unless it's behind a screen to a kind person because I'm scared of what people will say. I can't even admit that I believe I should go to therapy because I don't know how to talk to people. I can't even say this without hiding my account name because I'm scared people will judge me.

Dear anon,

Oh, you youngsters.. where do you get the idea that an impressively respectful message to a total stranger would come accross as hateful? Mind you, I am probably three times as old as you and probably live on another continent so I may be forgiven to be out of touch. You do however ask a series of pertinent questions. I shall attempt to do them justice.

Why would I be proud of you?

For trying. For getting up every day, or least every single day that you can possibly manage it. For suffering and still fighting. For seeing through some of the less wholesome aspects of your culture. For having made friends, at least some. For knowing that you still have far to go.

Dude (m/f/x), all of that is worthwhile and praiseworthy. There are many people who have done less in twice the time. Really. My advice to you is to stop and think for at least ten seconds about what you have gained, not on what you still have to do. It is good to be conscious of self and to know your weak spots but it is not good to be overly self-conscious.

I certainly don't know you but I can tell some things from what you write. You are apparently in secondary education which means you are still very young. Full disclosure: I am 46 years old. I do have some more experience. I am sorry that the administrators of your school do not understand you and where fearful of you. Especially since you have always been, at least up to that point, a great student. See, that is another thing in your advantage, being a good student. There is also certainly no shame in being sensitive. Do you identify as male? I do, cis-gender too. I can tell you with absolute certainty that men can and do cry. It is a sign of strength to be secure enough to show your emotions.

There have been some less than ideal grades too, you write. Well, that happens. It is a very rare student who always gets full marks. I rarely did. I don't know enough about schools where you live to really comment. I suppose you live in the USA? I live in the Netherlands.

It is pretty early on to already know what you want to do in your life. Did you know that you do not have to choose once and stick with it? You can reinvent yourself later on if need be or just if you feel like it. That carries risks of course but so does staying on a track that is not healthy for you. Perhaps you are not entirely sure of your sexual orientation? That is fairly common in the autistic spectrum. Or perhaps you are. You can easily take the time to just find out. You don't have to pick a letter in an acronym. Just do you.

So you have a few friends. I had a grand total of one friend all through high school up until I went to university. There I had none. I will admit it was not a good time in my life, looking back. So you know most through your brother or from a young age. Why is that problematic? Those are just reasons. Everything has reasons. I do understand that you'd like to make a new friend. i hope you'll find one.

I have two best friends right now and I almost exclusively talk about work or mutual interest. What else would I talk about? Please ask a neurotypical if you want an answer to that. I have no idea. It is okay to talk about interests. That makes for interesting and in-depth conversation. I do advise you to learn some chitchat, small-talk or whatever you call it. Mostly, showing an interest to people you meet socially is enough. Ask a general question, listen to the answer and ask a follow-up question… something like that. You might want to read my post Adapting Good, masking Bad on that. However, all of this is no reason not to love you. I hope it works out with your friend. Send them a message. As we say where I live 'no you have, yes you might get'.

You were better than most students in middle school but.. only along one axis. Well, that is not really a good way to think but then again, some kids think they're better than others because their parents are rich. At least you had some actual skills to be proud of. All this shows me is that you seem to be fairly insecure about yourself, especially the hating another because he was better still and lashing out. You felt (or perhaps still feel?) you need to be better or the best even to be wortwhile?

'You're doing great!' Please don't take that literally. People don't mean it. It is a bit like 'Oh my God that is so great, you're AWESOME!' Let me give you a little theory. Don't worry, just a little. These sencentes are not declarative but performative. Declarative sentences contain information or a claim. Performative sentences mean to affect something, reach a certain goal. Let's picture you talking to a family member with a MAGA cap who claims that the Donald is completely and utterly perfect in absolutely every way. (Just suppose. It's an example.) If you then say 'Well, no because ' then they might reply with 'That's just your opinion!!'

That's true, right? It is your opinion. But that is not what was meant! It is actually what you might call a semantic STOP-sign, an order to stop talking right away. 'You're doing great' is performative in this way. It contains an acknowledgment of something, perhaps that you did as expected or in a way that the speaker approves or. Alternatively, it might be meant as an encouragement.

It is not or at least should not be the general expectation that you always do 'great' or that you always are 'awesome'. What would that mean? When would you ever be done? What accolade would ever be high enough?

You ask again, at the end of your message, why I would be proud of you. I have already told you. You are painfully conscious of your own character flaws and weak spots. So you act arrogantly sometimes at the moment? That's not what you want, right? Even that is a positive point for you. So practise. You can work on yourself. At least, you will be able to work on yourself when you are strong enough. There is no shame in first getting better before you start working again.

Your self-isolation doesn't concern me overmuch but your self-loathing does. You have all that emotion, even if you aren't able to express them very well right now. Only behind a screen? So use a screen! I'll be the kind person. You'll get better. As of right now, you have succeeded in writing a fairly clear message expressing what you experience and what you feel very well indeed. So why not write on-line? Sure, it would be ideal if you could talk to a loved one, family member or another physical person close to you, that you can trust. Many things in this present life, anon, are not ideal.

You might very well need a good therapist. There is no rational need for you to loathe yourself or mentally beat yourself up or your flaws. Please seek help. It doesn't matter if you do not phrase it all perfectly. There is no way to do things like that perfectly so don't expect that of yourself.

Hang in there. You do not come across as something who has given up. You still show some fight. Well done!

Even if you hadn't done all this, I could still love you. People hate without reason, right? So why cannot I love? We can needlessly put down other people without knowing them? So why can't I be proud. I'll tell you why I am proud of you. It is because I see what is worthwhile. I can see what is beautiful and good, what is still fighting for the light. If only you could see yourself that way? I do not need to know what you look like or your precise age, nor even your general location. All of that doesn't matter. You are a mind, a person. Your worth is inexpressibly high.

Please treat yourself right. Take the time for self-care. That means relaxing your expectations. That means talking to the responsible adults and asking for help. It also means explaining again if it doesn't work the first time around. Or the second. Try to concentrate on your school work. You'll have to study it anyway so you might as well work on it. It means taking off-time as well. Actual rest.

Now please listen. Scrolling through your phone is not rest. Reading through Tumblr is not rest. Watching television is not rest. Sitting in a park and watching the duckies.. sure. Yes, that's rest. Take walks if you can.

And please ask for help. You deserve it. I am absolutely sure of this.

Try to read through my earlier posts. I hope they will work for you. However, if you feel that the exercises make you feel bad or anxious, stop right away.

Get help, anon. You're worth it.

With love,

Tithadhammo

#autism #actuallyautistic #autistic spectrum #neurodivergent #autistic feels