#in the second person meaning the questions might feel like they are very much directed at YOU specifically even though i didn't write them

[night-raven-tattler]

What's your ideal type?

Summary: What would be the best traits for their potential partner to have?

Characters: Savanaclaw dorm (Leona, Jack, Ruggie) ×GN!Reader (separate, romantic)

Other parts of the series: Heartslabyul, Octavinelle, Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignihyde, Diasomnia

Warnings: none

By opening the document, you agree to Mx Tattly's terms of source confidentiality.

-ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Leona's ideal type would be...

Someone who knows themselves and their worth. Leona might be apathetic and somewhat lazy, but he knows exactly what he's capable of. While he is willing to nudge people in the right direction, he doesn't want to deal with any dead weight.

Someone who doesn't take things at face value. He thinks having people who do what he wants are an advantage, but he doesn't think highly of any brainless followers. You are allowed to question him, disagree with him, even completely go against him. You also can disagree whenever he says he's "fine" and "just tired" whenever he's been skipping classes for too many days in a row, and there's an unopened letter from Falena on his desk.

Someone who doesn't mock his sleeping habits. Leona has some chaoric sleeping patterns, and he often doesn't sleep for a full night. If he says it's naptime, then it's naptime, and you don't get to do more than playfully argue. He'll also allow you to join him if you keep quiet enough.

Someone who doesn't belittle him. He knows he will never be enough. He knows he's just a second choice, if not less than that. He knows that he will not always be your top priority. And he doesn't believe you when you say or prove to him otherwise. But it's the first time he enjoys seeing someone try to prove him wrong.

『••✎••』

Jack's ideal type would be...

Someone who doesn't share his black and white way of thinking. Jack had a very rigid code of conduct, and he sticks to it religiously. While his views can't always be challenged, he likes the idea that regardless of your way of thinking you're still willing to understand him, and he's willing to do the same.

Someone who wants a serious relationship. As a wolf beastman and a witness of the dedicated love the generations before him showed, Jack has some very idealised expectations for his love life. He doesn't jump into relationships right away, and he's open with what he wants from the very beginning of your relationship. lf you stick around, he'll take it you feel the same.

Someone who is more of a realist. Jack finds enjoyment in becoming the best version of himself on all levels. Yet, he struggles to keep an open mind when he's decided to do something. Reminding him to give up on his tunnel vision from time to time and see the bigger picture brings him back to reality and makes him feel thankful for you and your ability to remind him to be a bit more real with his plans.

Someone he can care for. This is not a matter of size or personality, and while Jack knows you'll always have his back, it's very important for him to feel like he's also protecting you. Some of it does stem from his view on relationships, but he also likes caring for people. Let him brush your hair after he grooms his fur, or let him reach for that one book you need that's just out if reach.

『••✎••』

Ruggie'a ideal type would be...

Someone who saves leftovers for him. This is kind of obvious: Ruggie has some bad food anxiety, because he grew up not really knowing when his next meal would be. Someone who helps him soothe some of that anxiety will make his heart feel fluttery.

Someone that sticks with him through thick and thin. Spotted hyenas stick together in clans and have a very strict hyerarchy. However, Ruggie is also an opportunist, and you can't expect him to always stand by your side if you don't do the same. Unwavering loyalty has to be at the base of your relationship no matter what, and don't let it falter once you reach that point.

Someone who doesn't let him rely too much on his bad habits. And by that I mean mostly his pickpocketing habits. Yeah, you can't really stop him from stealing from Leona's wallet whenever he gets ahold of it, but he'll remember you made him a sweather! You gifted him a blanket! You invited him over for dinner! Okay, maybe he has himself somewhat covered already, shyehehehehe.

Someone who loves unconditionally. Everytime you show him affection without really expecting anything in return, his mind goes back to the days when he was little, and his grams told him stories about love that conquered all, love that made everything easier. He never thought of himself as worthy of that type of love.... But with you in his arms and head on his chest, then maybe... just maybe...

『••✎••』

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader #jack howl #jack howl x reader #ruggie bucchi #ruggie bucchi x reader

[svsss-fanon-exposed]

Exposing SVSSS Fanon: 25/∞

VIOLENCE AS COURTSHIP IS A PART OF DEMON CULTURE

Rating: CANON

A nearly universal trope, especially in Moshang fics, is the fact that courtship is performed through violence in demon culture, and that the misunderstandings between the pair are because of cultural differences. The fact that demons mistreat the targets of their affection is canon, however, it is important for fans to note that this sort of characterization and worldbuilding is rooted in racial and ethnic stereotypes.

This is one of the most-requested topics I've ever written on this blog, and I took a long time to think about how best to approach the subject in a way that both keeps to the intention of this blog (referencing canon & providing quotes) as well as raising awareness to the very real problematic aspects of what is a well-loved and often-used trope in fanon that I don't think most western fans are aware of.

First, the canon analysis:

“If you hold unique feelings for a certain person, how can you make them understand your intentions?” Luo Binghe asked. Obviously, no one dared to tear down Luo Binghe’s facade and expose him directly, but this question was really very…unsuited to the demonic approach. After a long moment, not a single person had answered. In fact, the answer was so simple that any normal human could have given it to you. If you liked someone, you should just tell them. Unfortunately, there was not a single “normal” person on the scene—and aside from Shang Qinghua, there also were no “humans” either. Mobei-Jun thought about it. With the paths his mind was given to take, there was no telling how he had interpreted “unique” feelings. “Beat them up three times a day?” (7 Seas, Ch. 26)

Most of the fandom remembers this passage, and some may think that this is where the interpretation of violence as courtship comes from-- however, that is not the case. This passage might actually not refer to courtship at all-- while that is one possible interpretation, Mobei-jun could also be interpreting "unique feelings" to mean something different than "romantic feelings," since Luo Binghe didn't specify romance directly.

The "violent demonic courtship" idea actually originates much earlier in the novel, just after the invasion of Qiong Ding Peak:

In truth, Shen Qingqiu didn’t intend to tease; he thought himself very straightforward. The one who’d tampered with Luo Binghe’s dream realm was Sha Hualing. Though she did have some harmful intentions, her underlying motive was obvious. Naturally, she was driven by a young girl’s secret yearning for love. Otherwise, she would have directed her aggressions toward others, not specifically Luo Binghe. Demons were compelled to viciously bully the person they liked. Only if the object of their affections failed to die would the demon accept them. If their target died, that meant they were useless and not worth nursing any lingering affections for. (7 Seas, Ch. 3)

This, in fact, has somewhat more serious connotations than the way I have often seen it interpreted in fanworks-- it is not merely beating up a potential partner, but pushing them to their limits, nearly driving them to death, and it is certainly implied that it is not uncommon for the object of a demon's affections to actually die.

Now that the canonical basis of the idea has been established, let us move on to the second, and arguably more important part of this post: the racism.

I would like to add a disclaimer here-- I am going to discuss this in hopes of raising more awareness in the fandom, but I am not North/West/Central Asian myself, so I will only mention things in brief and somewhat generally-- if anyone who belongs to the affected cultures would like to make corrections, or more detailed explanations, or any other additions to this post on this topic, I greatly welcome that, as I feel it is an important issue that should be addressed.

In Chinese fiction, particularly fantasy genres like xianxia/xuanhuan/xiuzhen, but also in historical and wuxia fiction, there is a pervasive, prevalent tendency for authors to use racial and ethnic stereotypes against Central, Northern, and Western Asian cultures such as Mongolian & Arab cultures in their worldbuilding regarding the North, while stereotypes against Southeast Asian cultures are used in worldbuilding regarding the South. These stereotypes are most typically applied to villains and villainous groups, and are so widespread as to be ubiquitous within the genre. MXTX has used these tropes before-- notably with the Banyue people in TGCF, with adaptations of both TGCF and MDZS including design stereotypes, such as CQL's portrayal of the Qinghe Nie (combining their tendency toward violence and 'unnatural' cultivation method, with design traits typically associated with Northern/Central Asian cultures).

It is worth noting, though, that most authors do not intentionally use these traits as racist stereotypes in their worldbuilding, especially when regarding a non-human species-- in the same way that western fantasy authors use goblin and orc characters and tropes without realizing or acknowledging their racist origins and connotiations, these stereotypes have simply become genre tropes without that direct connection to their origins. Nonetheless, it is still worth noting-- and worth trying not to fall into the trap of leaning into stereotypical traits in fanworks' character portrayals.

Stereotypes include but are not limited to barbaric and brutish cultural traits, association with animals/having animal features, dark or corrupt magical/spiritual practices, certain types of braided hairstyles & other fashion choices, and originating from the far north or south.

Some of the prejudice and stereotyping of Northern Asian cultures likely originates from the fact that in the past, China was invaded and subjugated by peoples from the north (under Mongolian rule during the Yuan dynasty, and under Manchurian rule during the Qing dynasty) as well as having many conflicts with these peoples throughout history. In fact, the Qing dynasty only ended in the early 1900s, so some of this oppression is still in recent memory-- nonetheless, people belonging to ethnic minorities in China are still affected by this negative stereotyping today, so regardless of the origin, racism is still racism and should be addressed, and China today is a majority Han Chinese nation-- even if Han Chinese are considered a minority and affected by systemic racism in other places in the world.

Additionally, many tropes specifically applied to the southern demons, but also used for demon culture as a whole, are tied to stereotypical portrayals of Southeast Asian culture, which is rooted in a long history of Imperial China's invasion and oppression.

All of those stereotypes listed above apply to SVSSS' demon culture. Even in Mobei-jun's name-- 漠北 meaning "northern desert," which is the real-world name for a region in the north of the Gobi desert in Mongolia.

Therefore, it is important to remember that though violence-as-courtship in demon culture is canonical within SVSSS' setting, it nonetheless originates from harmful racial and ethnic stereotypes. It would be a good idea for fans to keep this in mind when creating their fanworks, and to treat the topic with sensitivity-- but I will leave any direct suggestions on how to handle this to those who are actually part of the affected groups.

--

(thanks to @flidgetjerome for additional notes regarding SEAsian stereotyping and author intent!)

#svsss #fanon exposed #svsss demon culture #mobei jun #canon #I don't know if I did a good job addressing the sensitive topics here so please feel free to correct anything I got wrong #or if I've overstepped anywhere #i just want to use the platform i have to bring this to the western fandom's attention since i don't think it's widely known #i will very gladly reblog any additions from fans who wish to weigh in but definitely don't feel pressured to do so

[devildomditzy]

"Wait, am I your lock screen?" + mammon + 🫣⛈️

His habit of keeping his phone away from you an out of your reach was one you mildly questioned, but ultimately learned to ignore. You figured the second born had something he wanted to keep private, possibly his latest failing stocks, or demanding texts from witches looking for compensation for his less than savory activities.

You ignored it, up until you turned to corner into the student council room, ears picking up several voices loudly talking over each other. Knowing this can only mean one thing, you prepare yourself to become Mammon’s attorney before walking in yourself.

“Ooo my! If it isn’t the person of the hour!”, Asmo coos from his chair, leaning over the edge of the table. “We were just talking about you, hun!”

“Talking about me?”, you ask, eyes circling around the room in both curiosity and confusion. You lock eyes with your first pact mate to ask a silent question, only to find him blushing furiously, attempting to simmer down from something that had just clearly upset him. He locks eyes with you for a brief moment before quickly averting his gaze.

Well, that’s typical. What wasn’t typical was the teasing stares of everyone else in the room, now centered on you.

“Well, we were just finishing up a student council meeting,”Asmo continues. “And you know how Lucifer always takes our D.D.D.’s before hand?”

“Yeah, but what’s that got to do with me?”

“Getting there, darling!”

You once again shift your eyes over to Mammon, who seemed to be having an internal battle with himself. One minute, it looked like he was going to bolt out of the room, the next it seemed he was so frustrated with his brothers that he was choosing to stand his ground.

“Lucifer starting passing them back out afterwards, and I noticed the cutest thing displaying on my dear older brother’s phone!”, Asmo finishes, bringing his cupped hands up to his face, almost as if he was looking at a newborn kitten.

“ROLF, this is super normie of him”, Levi chimes in, not looking up from his game, but still smiling to himself like he had just been told the funniest joke.

“I have to say, I know how idiotic you can be, but I didn’t expect you to display something you vehemently try to hide so prominently.” The smirk on Satan’s face makes you feel uneasy.

You hear a distinct tch come from the direction of the second born, who you now notice was clutching his D.D.D very close to his chest, with his grip tight around it. Like, real tight. Like, his knuckles are going white and you think he might break it tight.

Your eyes jump from brother to brother in confusion. “What are you talking about?”.

Asmo’s grin becomes lethal as he turns back to Mammon. “Weeelllll, go on Mammon. Do you want to tell them, or shall I?”.

You watch as Mammon turns redder somehow, if that was even possible, and starts to stutter. “I-it’s none of your business, okay?”

“Ooohh I beg to differ! I’d think a picture of our dear, dear MC is specifically their business!”, Asmo taunts in a sing song voice.

“A picture of me.. did you like, take an embarrassing picture of me or something?”, you question. Honestly, as much as you love the idiot, you wouldn’t put it above Mammon to blackmail you with an unflattering photo of yourself.

“N-no! It’s not you! I-I mean it is you but it’s not embarrassin’ or anythin’!”.

Oh the poor boy, he looks like he’s going to combust.

“Tick tock!”, Asmo once again pressures him to spit it out.

Mammon shuts his eyes as tight as they can go, and takes a deep breath, opening his mouth to say it before anyone else can-

Beel pipes up from where he’s been quietly munching on some hell newt chips.

“Why does it matter if MC’s his lockscreen?”

Ah. There it is. You watch all the color drain from Mammon’s face. He tenses up, his body language screaming ‘panic’.

“Wait, am I your lockscreen”, you question, hoping he notices your voice doesn’t hold an ounce of teasing, but instead genuine fondness.

His eyes remain trained on the table, his mouth drawn into a tight line, but he stiffly shakes his head in a confirming nod.

“Can I see?”

Mammon slides his D.D.D across the table to where you stand. Clicking on the screen, you see picture of yourself at Devil’s Coast. You’re turned to the side, not quite looking at the camera, but laughing brightly at something. The ferris wheel framed in the background of the shot makes the candid look like something out of a movie. Then it hits you - you’ve. never seen this picture before.

He must have taken it when you weren’t looking.

As laughter erupts throughout the room from his brothers, he’s shocked to not hear yours mixed in with the cacophony l. Instead when you speak, it makes the room go dead silent.

“Mammon… that is so sweet!”, and he can hear the smile in your voice as you run around the table to hand him your own. “Here, look at mine.”

He hesitates for a second, looking up at you for confirmation before taking it. Clicking on the screen, he stares back at a picture of himself. He’s in one of the outfits he wore for Devil Style, so this is definitely from his last shoot, but… this wasn’t professional by any means. It was clearly taken by you, a little shaky and a bit out of center frame, but you must have snapped a picture of him between sets.

And even more so - he’s shirtless in it.

“Ha…HA!”, Mammon exclaims, proudly showing the screen to each and everyone of his brothers. “See that? Of course MC’s got a picture of The Great Mammon as their lockscreen! Makes sense since I’m their first and their favorite!”

“Uggghh, gross”, groans Levi as he stands up to leave, “I knew I should have just went to my room.”

“Aww, MC, why not a picture of me?!”, whines Asmo as he drapes himself over your shoulders, much to Mammon’s annoyance.

“I can’t say that’s a sight I’d want see every time I have to take a phone call”, Satan says all snide and - you’ve had it.

Time to shut them all up.

“Of course I’d want a picture of Mammon as my lock screen. He is my boyfriend after all.”

“WHAT!?”, you hear all the voices in the room cry out at once.

“I am? I-I mean, of course I am! Ya hear that? MC’s taken by The Great Mammon! So all of ya better back off, ya got it?!”

You giggle at his bravado and the looks of disgust and disappointment on the remaining faces in the room, leaning down to kiss his cheek to really drive the point home.

Oh. Looks like he can get redder.

#dddroadto2kevent #obey me #om #mammon #obey me mammon #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me headcannons #obey me mc #mammon headcannons #mammon x mc #mammon x reader #mammon x y/n #om mammon #omnb mammon #omnb #obey me nightbringer #obey me nightbringer mammon #kit’s playhouse #omswd mammon #om mc #omnb mc #omswd mc #obey me x mc #obey me x reader

[slowlymyavenue]

The Brainwashing Bed

Based on a true* story.

*hypnotically induced

The title gives this one away just a bit, don't you think? This one may receive some revisions, like several of my recent posts. We'll see.

Consider your bed. Lay down, if you like.

It's comfortable, I hope. You spend an awful lot of time in it...although, probably not as much as you'd like. That's common. Few of us get enough sleep, these days. But let's focus on the bed itself.

A good bed is the right balance of soft and firm, providing a certain measure of support along with a certain degree of cushion. Everyone has a slightly different preference on this, sure, but the idea remains universal: your bed has to have the right balance.

Beyond that, it should keep you warm - but not too warm - and cozy. Pillows and blankets and comforters and all those nice accessories help with this, that's true. Your bed may be any of several different compositions, ranging pretty wildly in cost. It could be one of the larger investments in your home.

But underneath all that variability, the goal is shared. A good bed helps you sleep. You feel safe in it; it's easy to get comfortable, relax, and enjoy the way it feels.

This makes it the ideal delivery mechanism for a particular experiment of mine...not that I'd modify your bed, of course. The experiment is a fun one to discuss, however, so indulge me a bit, won't you?

I thought you might.

Consider your bed, with a subtle shift in purpose. It remains primarily designed to keep you comfortable, warm, and safe, but there is an additional function hidden beneath. There is an intent to guide that relaxed version of you into a state of compliance, submission, obedience. In short, something has been done to your bed so that it will help brainwash you.

It's perfect, really, don't you think? All the necessary components are present already. Your brain associates the bed with comfort, safety, relaxation, sleep...so the bed need only be given the smallest degree of capacity to guide that state in a different direction.

It varies from bed to bed, as most experiments vary from person to person. Some are given a device that emits a low pulsing vibration: soothing, inexorable. Others receive the less-tame form of a heating pad: penetrating warmth to relax the body and melt the mind. Still others find an almost imperceptible static sound surrounding them at bedtime: slowly overpowering the sound of your own thoughts.

But it wouldn't be very scientific of me to reveal which one you'd get, would it? You'd expect the effect and react accordingly. If I were going to make those modifications, your bed would receive all of those upgrades...and perhaps more.

Like I said, though, I wouldn't do that. Well, not unless you volunteered for the experiment, or really really really wanted me to do it. What other things would I change about your bed? Good question.

Subtle is the goal at first. You shouldn't notice anything immediately; it needs to take awhile. You'd find it more difficult to think, of course, and you'd feel more willing to accept my words without a second thought. Would you be able to distinguish that from simple drowsiness, though? Would it be too late by the time you did?

That's the idea. Your bed knows you, in a way, spending so much time together with you. It's fairly straightforward to use that knowledge to make the correct alterations. I like to provide a sense of intent, as if the bed itself wants you to surrender. If you were, somehow, part of the test group, your bed would be able to slip restraints over your legs without your perception of it.

What's that? Are your legs bound? Interesting.

It's important to relax, still, so you'd find it extremely difficult to struggle against the restraints. Whatever means of influence the bed has been enhanced with would be dedicated to keeping your body as close to limp as possible. Your mind, well, that follows naturally with your body. Heaviness makes it hard to think.

Besides, there'd be no time to really focus on your predicament before the bed entered the programming phase. That's where the design truly shines, if I do say so myself.

You see, we both know you've pleasured yourself in bed; it knows that, too. It knows the method you use most, the way your body moves, the sounds you make, the toys you've tried...all of it. All I have to do is provide it with the means to stimulate your body; it could already have your legs restrained, and spread. Oh, there are also restraints for your thighs, hips, torso, arms, and even your head. Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself, thrashing about, now would we?

The restraints can be selective, yes. The primary purpose is still to keep you comfortable (and perhaps you aren't even in bed yet, only learning about the experiment and deciding whether to participate). You'll be bound only as tightly as needed, or wanted.

What happens then? Programming phase requires you to be more receptive than usual, so you'd be stimulated accordingly. The bed has new attachments for that in case you aren't able to move: vibrators attached to arms attached to pistons and springs whirring to life between your legs, pheromone emitters beneath or inside your pillows to flood your body with instinctive heat and lust, cables to connect to your headphones and override the sounds, maybe even a gag to slip into your slightly open mouth if you tend to get loud when you pleasure yourself.

In early stages of testing, the bed simply used the influence methods - sound, vibration, warmth - to compel you to pleasure yourself. You've felt the urge before, I suspect, even before the upgrade. Simple, but very potent. It's okay, if the restraints weren't comfortable, you'll be free to touch yourself -or- use the attachments.

Once you begin to feel the pleasure from whatever source, the bed begins to feed you instructions. These are typically echoes of my words, mantras, coupled with flashes of obedience, submission, and surrender. If the restraints seemed too excessive, you'd be touching yourself while these compulsions are fed to your relaxed, compliant brain. If the restraints were necessary, the bed would be stimulating you just the way it knows you like.

The beauty of the design is that you are naturally fairly helpless when you're in bed, especially if you've been appropriately relaxed, restrained, or otherwise subdued. The brainwashing is able to flow freely into your receptive head, and by the time you've been brought to orgasm - by your own hand, or by the bed itself - you're simply...sleepy.

Because the bed, of course, is still meant to guide you to sleep. The entire programming phase, it would be draining you as much as needed. Drifting off becomes a bit of a foregone conclusion, by then.

Does the stimulation continue even after you fall asleep? Of course. Additional programming is fed to your sleeping self, even as the bed resumes its more innocuous disguise while the night goes on. Some subjects forget the brainwashing bed by the time they awaken. Others remember clearly and are drawn to it, eager to surrender again.

That's the real experiment, you see. I wouldn't modify your bed like we've discussed, unless I already have. I seem to have misplaced my notes, so who knows?

Do you have a brainwashing bed? Do you feel it calling?

Or are you already bound and being brainwashed as we discuss it?

Either way, as always, enjoy.

#bimbo doll #bimbo girl #bimbo hypnosis #bimbo training #bimbofied #bimboization #dumb wh0re #dumbification #hypnok1nk #hypnokitty #hypnotism #hypnosub #hypnotized #hypnosis #hypno pet #hypnotized girl #hypnotic #hypno sub #hypnodomme #hypnotist #mind conditioning #mind control #mesmerizing #dumb bunny #dumb slvt #dumb puppy #cnc brat #cnc somno #cnc k!nk #cnc sub

[yesimwriting]

Elle!! You should post more best friend!Felix I’m so obsessed with it❤️❤️

hi babe <3 i have sm best friend!felix in the works/drafts,, i've just been busy with midterm,, but i'm finally recovering from a violent case of frat flu so i finally have some energy

and i love you all and best friend!felix very much so have a drabble

----

Felix presses a nail against the wrapper's edge. The waxy paper bends upwards, giving him the leverage needed to tear it off the hard candy. He parts his lips, pressing the lollipop against his tongue.

Cherry. An entire pack of just cherry.

He came close to purchasing his usual variety pack at the corner store while picking up cigarettes, but at the last second, he saw them there. Next to the cashier.

It had been an impulse to trade out the candies. Felix read the word cherry in cartoonish cursive and was immediately reminded of you, of your soft laughter breaking up tipsy kisses. The taste that lingers on cigarettes when you're both drunk enough to convince him to let you try a few puffs of one. It forced him to feel the phantom residue of your lipgloss, to taste it as his lips pressed together.

As if sensing the direction of his thoughts, you finally look up from the notes in front of you. He can feel a smile tugging itself into place and the warmth that's beginning to tinge his skin. "What?"

You tilt your head slightly, like something about the question's surprised you. Not unusual, sometimes if you study for too long you get a little spacey. He makes a mental note to suggest getting something to eat soon.

You lift your pencil, using it to vaguely gesture in the direction of the wrapper that's still pinched between his fingers. "Those things will rot your teeth."

He pulls the lollipop away from his mouth. "Oh, not for years."

"And by then they'll have invented something better than dentures." The comment is mumbled, your attention already shifting back to your notes.

Felix frowns. He knows that you're the kind of person that takes an invitation to study at the library with someone literally, and he's fine with that. You wouldn't be you if you didn't get caught up in homework every once in awhile, but you still need to come up for air.

He brings the lollipop back to his lips. "Exactly."

You glance again, the corner of your mouth angling itself upwards. It's a look Felix has learned to interpret as a smile you wish you could will away. The lack of intention in the look has him beaming.

There's never any double meaning in your actions. You're never trying to convince him of anything, you're just you. So genuine and warm Felix has to work at not melting in your presence.

"I like your smile." Your voice feels far off in a way that adds an absentminded quality to your voice. Felix can feel an uneasy warmth burning its way up his neck. You don't seem to notice, instead you focus on propping your head up one elbow. "I'd miss it if you got dentures."

Felix folds the candy wrapper between his two thumb and pointer finger. "Good thing you don't have to worry about that." He shifts in his seat, relaxing his back against hard wood. "You'd love me just the same though, right?"

You press your lips together, brow furrowing as you pretend to think about it. Felix rolls his eyes at the extended silence. He extends his leg, tapping his foot against yours beneath the table. You relax your arm, straightening your shoulders as you glare at him.

You hold your ground, pushing the side of your shoe against his. "Fine, I admit it, I'd love you the same."

"Admit it?"

"Well, I think it should go without saying that our bond is deeper than that."

He taps his foot against yours again. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," you agree, adjusting your hold on your pencil. For a second, he thinks he might be losing you to homework again, but then you say, "Even if you're rotting your teeth."

Felix counters your smug smile with an unimpressed look. "It's cherry flavored."

Your eyes fall back to your notebook. "Then I take back everything I just said."

Without thinking about it, he pulls the lollipop away from his lips. "Wanna try?"

You look up at him, eyebrows pinching together skeptically. "This is how people get colds."

He can't remember you ever worrying about anything like that before. You two have shared drinks, straws, food. This isn't that weird, is it? "We're around each other all the time." You blink, not grasping the connection. "We have to have the same germs at this point."

Your lips briefly part before pressing together. Your gaze shifts from Felix's face to the hand holding out the candy. "...Good point."

He leans forward, extending his arm further. You take the lollipop, popping it into your mouth. "You're why people think we're weird."

Felix scoffs, an attempt at a soft dismissal. He knows what you're referencing. There are comments every now and then, mostly lighthearted, usually mumbled by a girl attempting to make any hint of jealousy seem like anything else.

You two are just...so close. A favorite of theirs, always with a silent are you sure it's not too close tacked onto the end of their sentence. Some of them like to pretend that they're the opposite of bothered by the permanence of your place in his life. It's sweet that your best friend's a girl, most guys would never; or, I love that you guys are good friends, most guys are only friends with girls they want to sleep with. That one tends to make him feel a pinprick of guilt.

"Who thinks we're weird?" The question's lighthearted enough, but he means it. He doesn't like the thought of people making too many of those kind of jokes around you. You're prone to overthinking, and you don't need to start dissecting your friendship with him beneath that lens.

You shrug your shoulders once. "We gross out Farleigh."

The response is easing. Farleigh's opinions aren't much of a threat. You laugh them off or dismiss them with an eyeroll, even when he's not joking. "What isn't he grossed out by?"

"Nothing that falls within the spectrum of human emotion."

He taps his fingers against the table's surface. "And you're all emotion."

You frown, seeming to briefly forget the lollipop in your mouth and its ability to soften even the most withering stares. You must sense his amusement, because your fingers find the lollipop's stick, pulling it away from your face. "All emotion?"

Felix presses his lips together in an attempt to tamp down a smile. You don't fall apart at the slightest inconvenience, but it's not like you're exactly heart of stone. "Compared to Farleigh."

"Sure."

He extends a hand, stealing the lollipop from your fingers. You don't protest, but you do let your lips part in a mock gasp. "Stop. Y'know how I meant it." Felix sets the lollipop back into his mouth, more out of the desire to have something to divide his focus than anything else. "You're just trying to start an argument."

You sit up a little straighter, fingers curling around your pencil. "Am not."

"I think you're starting to feel a little moody." You throw him a dirty look, lips already parting, ready to protest. "Think we need a break."

"What has this been?"

His hand reaches forward, fingers brushing against the back of your palm. "C'mon, let's take a walk, get something to eat."

Your eyebrows pull together in contemplation. You tap your pencil against the side of your notebook. Felix can feel your resolve melting. "Okay..." You agree slowly, shutting the notebook and books in front of you. "We have been here awhile."

"Awhile," he repeats with an affirmative nod.

Before you can finish stacking your school supplies, Felix is standing. He pulls his backpack onto one shoulder before walking around the table. Felix picks up your books before you're fully standing.

"You don't have to carry my stuff."

Felix shakes his head. "It's not heavy, and we'll drop it off in my room before going."

You're a few steps behind him. Felix's gait is naturally longer than yours, and he had an unfair head start. "Then you should let me carry it."

Felix adjusts his hold on your things. "Focus on catching up first."

Even though you're now fully behind him, he can feel your irritated shock. "Lex."

With his back to you, he grins openly. "Way of the world, Lovie."

----

taglist; @vader-is-hot @spiritofbuddha @getosangie @freyafriggafrey @ilovehyperfixating @aryiannarae @willowpains @ker0senebunny

#saltburn imagine #saltburn x reader #felix catton x reader #felix catton #bestfriend!felix #bestfriend!felix x reader #jacob catton x reader #jacob catton

[empresskylo]

beneath the mask ✩ chapter 14 ⬅ch.13

➠𝐌𝐃𝐍𝐈; 𝟏𝟖+ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓; 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 ➠SIMON "GHOST" RILEY X AFAB!READER ➠CHAPTER TAGS | lil nsfw. wc 3.6k ➠AUTHOR'S NOTE | sorry this took so long!!! next ch will be out very soon because i am foaming at the mouth writing it..

𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ✩ 𝐜𝐨𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ✩ 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

one thing you hadn’t really given much thought to was the fact that your relationship with your lieutenant would be frowned upon. 

everything about the two of you was forbidden. he was your direct superior while you worked on his team. he was in a much higher position of power than a measly cadet or even a sergeant. if others found out, you were risking your position. you might even get switched to a whole new division. of course, simon would be fine given his importance to price and shepherd. but you? you were expendable. you could be replaced. 

simon read your thoughts as they crossed your mind that following morning. “feelin’ regretful?” you had fallen asleep beside him that night, locked away in this little bubble the two of you had created. once you stepped out of his room, you’d be hit with the harsh reality of the complexity of your situation. the forbidden fortitude that stood between the two of you. 

“no, i…” your words trailed off as you shifted on the balls of your feet. you had to get to the infirmary for your shift, but an invisible force was telling you not to leave this room. that when you crossed the threshold, everything was going to fall apart. or you’d be jolted awake, everything that had happened between the two of you last night would all have been a dream. 

simon wanted to tell you that you didn’t have to do this if it was too much for you. but if he voiced that, there was a very real possibility you would take his words and resonate with them—that he wasn’t enough for all this trouble. and he was selfish , so he stayed quiet.

you twirled your hands anxiously together as you debated walking through the door. simon approached you from behind, his shadow sending a shiver down your spine. he wore sweats and a fitted exercise shirt. his hand brushed the tendrils of hair away that hung on the back of your neck, making goosebumps rise in their wake. 

he had never been a very touchy person. he didn’t need physical contact to know someone cared about him, or vice versa. but after feeling you against his body—the warmth of your skin, the softness of your hands, the silkiness of your hair—he had a desire to always be touching you. ever since that night in the bar bathroom, the feel of your plush skin beneath his, he was entranced. he felt like he had a pulled muscle in his hand ever since, his body just itching to have you connected back against him. 

“no one will find out, if that’s what you’re worried ‘bout,” he said, wanting to reassure you. 

you turned to face him, his hand falling to your hip. the words were right there, but they felt tight in your throat as you gazed up at him, his eyes locked on yours. he was always so intense. 

“you don’t know that.”

his lip quirked at the corner ever so slightly. “no one’s gonna be thinkin’ i’m foolin’ around with ya.”

you tilted your head. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

his fingers tightened their grip on your hip. “need me to spell it out for ya?” 

you scowled at him and his eyes danced between yours. 

“you’re sweet n’kind, makin’ friends with everyone here. ‘n i’m…” he paused, and you were able to fill in what he meant. he was a scary, hardass. “no one’s gonna look twice if they see us together in the hall. no one will be thinkin’ there's anythin’ happenin’ here.”

“no one would suspect you of being with me because i’m so…what? innocent? and you’re not?” you crossed your arms in annoyance, but you knew he was onto the right idea.

he chuckled and your heart stopped for a brief second. “kinda. yeah.”

“i don’t think you know how their minds work.”

“no?” he questioned, a dark look in his eyes. he backed you up so you were pressed to his door, trapped in his arms on either side of you now. “tell me. what would they be thinkin’, then? since you seem t’know them so well.”

you swallowed hard as simon’s eyes trailed down to your lips, his face leaning in quite close to yours. “you… uhm. well… you’re seen as what every guy here wishes they could be.”

“that so?” he said coyly. 

“you know… you’re more skilled—more feared—than any other man here. they all wish they could be you.”

“they’d regret it the second they got their wish”

“i’m serious,” you said, trying to get him to listen to your words fully. “they admire you in an i-wish-i-was-as-badass-and-as-feared-as-he-is sort of way. and that kind of admiration carries on into all aspects. they definitely all think you’re better than them beyond what they can see.”

“where is this goin’?” 

your hands reached out and grabbed onto his shirt, pulling his waist closer to you. simon’s eyes flickered down to watch, then back up. 

“they think you get all the women you could possibly want. and then some. because that’s what they’d imagine for themselves if they were a war hero.”

“hero s’bit of a stretch.”

you rolled your eyes. “so we may be on different… calibers. but they probably think you’ve fucked every girl on base already. i’m just another check on your list.”

“s’not true.”

“i didn’t say it was. just what they think.”

you were looking at his chest as you spoke. 

“that make y’jealous?”

your eyes darted to his. “what? no.” your cheeks were suddenly ten degrees warmer. 

“s’not against the rules to sleep with ya. i don’t see the problem.” right. they couldn’t technically stop you from sleeping with teammates, but they could put a stop to things if it went beyond that.

“all i’m saying is they might suspect something if we’re around each other too much.”

he hummed in acknowledgment. though, you suspected he understood what you meant long before that moment. 

“so i jus’ won’t do this out there, then,” he said before crashing his lips against yours. 

you made a squealing noise in the back of your throat, not expecting his kiss. your hands clutched his shirt tighter in your fists as he attacked you. he rolled his hips against yours in desperation and you heard him grunt. it took everything in you to break away. “i–i have to get to my shift,” you said breathlessly. 

he kissed you again before taking a step back, letting his hands fall to his side so you could open the door. you felt a bit dumbfounded at his stark switch, his clutch on you disappearing almost instantaneously. “oh, okay,” you muttered, understanding he was letting you leave. 

was he annoyed at you?

you turned the door handle but his hands were faster as he spun you around. you yelped in surprise. his lips grazed your ear as he spoke. “i’ll find you tonight.”

and with that, he let you go and strolled over to his bathroom, likely to shower. 

you blinked several times from the whiplash before grinning like an idiot and heading out of his room.

your hand ticked with anxiety as you typed medical reports into your computer in the office of the infirmary. tomorrow you were accompanying the crew on another mission. price had seemed to think you fit in well enough to keep working with the guys. 

you misspelled the same word several times, sighing as you repeatedly hit the backspace on your keyboard. this meant that you were going to be in close quarters with all the men for the foreseeable future, no one quite knowing how long things would take hunting down hassan. and currently, your relationship with simon had to be kept a secret. the overwhelming anxiety about someone finding out filled you to no end. 

“shit,” you mumbled to yourself as you, miffed as you screwed up another set of numbers. 

you finally pushed away from your desk and let your hands fall to your lap, taking a quick breather. 

not only were you worried about hiding this thing between you and simon, but you had an unsettling feeling that things might be… weird between the two of you. it was only yesterday afternoon that you thought he hated you—when he was messing with your head. and suddenly you were his girlfriend? it was happening so fast you weren’t sure how to digest it. 

what if you didn’t do the things he expected from you? what if he ended up changing his mind and deciding you’re too awkward to be with? did he expect you to sneak off to sleep in the same spot as him while in the field? did he want you to talk to him during travel time? or would that make things too obvious? or did he simply want the peace and quiet? 

so many things muddled your brain. 

“you alright?” one of your medic friends asked you. 

you spun in your wheely chair to face her. “peachy.”

she smirked, writing something down on the clipboard she was holding. “nervous about leaving tomorrow?”

you brushed some imaginary lint off your uniform. “i mean, i’ve gone with them multiple times now.”

“i didn’t ask you how many times you’ve gone off with them, i asked if you were nervous.”

your eyes darted to hers. “maybe a little…”

she sat back against the counter and rested the clipboard on her upper thighs. “shit. i would be too if i was responsible for keeping 141 alive.”

you rolled your eyes. “very comforting.”

she smirked. “i’d also be giddy as hell if i were you. some of us never see action… not that that’s a bad thing. but, i know for a fact some of the others are jealous price picked you out of all of us.”

“they are?”

“mhm. think he’s playin’ favorites.”

“what?” your eyes widened in defense. “price definitely does not favor me. besides, it’s scary as hell. i mean, you know what happened to me last time…”

“no, i get it. i’m on your side. but to work besides the captain? and ghost? yeah, some of these men would kill for that opportunity.”

“oh. i didn’t realize…” you squirmed uncomfortably in your seat. “maybe the captain would reconsider someone else going in my stead. i don’t mind…”

she shook her head at you, pushing herself away from the counter. “i wasn’t tellin’ you all this to try and get you to fold. fuck those guys. you earned your way there whether they like it or not. what you’re doing is amazing and kind of crazy.” she grinned. “you know what you should do? smile at them when you walk by. that’ll piss them off. its not your fault they’re so incompetent price had to pick a woman .” she gave you a sarcastic grin with her last words, mocking what she had heard the other men around her saying about you out of frustration. 

she reminded you of all the things soap had said to you—all his words of encouragement. you felt stupid needing praise in order to get by. you remember ghost asking if you were expecting a good job and a pat on the back for doing what you were supposed to. 

he was right. but still, you appreciated your friend’s words.

“thanks,” you said as you stood. 

“girls gotta have girls’ backs, right?” she smiled before walking back out into the wing to attend to patients. 

it was getting late as you stared at the clock’s hand on the wall. your shift was about to end and you were feeling a little anxious about what to do. was simon really going to find you tonight? would he knock at your door knowing your roommate might be in her bunker? was he expecting you to go to him? 

you grabbed your bag and slung it over your shoulder, going to exit the infirmary wing. maybe you’d stop by his room… or would that seem too clingy? you hated how much you were overthinking everything. you hadn’t done this in any of your previous relationships, so why now?

your overactive mind was cut off when you strolled out of the room, crashing into a large body. you looked up, a little astonished and in disbelief, as the masked man looked down at you, his hands steadying you. 

“simon? what are you doing— oh, shit —sorry. i meant ghost…” you looked around the hall to make sure you were alone and no one overheard you saying ghost’s real name. that would just raise suspicions. 

his large warm hands squeezed your shoulders. “would y’relax?” 

your head turned to look up at him, his soft balaclava covering the scars you had now known were spread across his face. 

“i’m sorry, i just… i don’t know what i’m doing,” you said, taking an interest in your feet. 

his hand slid under your chin and tilted it up. “neither do i.”

“well, that certainly is a recipe for disaster,” you said softly, earning a chuckle from simon. 

his eyes bore into yours and you felt the need to fill the silence. “my roommate will be in my room.”

simon dropped his hand. “mhm.”

“i’m just saying, you can’t come there.” 

he nodded. “i know.”

your fingers pulled at a loose thread of your uniform as you spoke. “and we leave early tomorrow, someone might see me leaving your room if i stay there…”

“quite observant.”

you scoffed, a bit of the pressure leaving your shoulders at his playful tone. “what i’m saying is, what are you doing here?”

he pushed his mask up to reveal a smirk on his lips. you gasped and looked around the hall again. “simon, what if someone—���

he cut you off by grabbing your cheek and turning your face towards him. he immediately crashed his lips to yours. a brief swooning feeling filled your chest as his thumb brushed soft strokes to your cheek. your body melded against his perfectly, his hand holding your lower back, dragging you into him. all of the anxiety momentarily fled from your body as simon consumed your every sense. 

his soft stubble ticked you as he moved his mouth gently against yours. you whined unconsciously as he went a bit harder, his tongue desperate as it slid into your mouth. his hand on your cheek caught the wall behind you, preventing you both from falling as he pushed against you, your body obeying his every move, your back arching into him. 

he groaned softly as he pulled away. it was almost painful for him to stop so soon, but he knew how risky this was. you panted as you caught your breath, his arm still clung around your lower waist.

his eyes danced between yours, his face still dangerously close to yours. “didn’t wanna g’to sleep without doin’ that first.”

your face warmed. “i didn’t take you for such a romantic,” you lightly teased.

he smiled before pulling his mask back down and standing straight up. the loss of his body against yours was something you didn’t expect to feel so vehemently. “there's a lot of things y’don’t know ‘bout me.”

simon traced the smile on your lips as you stared up at him. he felt like he didn’t deserve any of this. his hand tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear and he gave you one last lookover before turning to walk away.

you called out to him before he could get far. “are you okay with me coming tomorrow?” he stopped in his tracks. “i mean, are you okay after what happened….”

his hand balled into a fist before he looked over his shoulder at you. “can’t say i'm thrilled with the idea.”

“but you’ll be there,” you added. he was going to be there to watch you. not that you needed it, but if he was worried about you getting taken again, or hurt—

“m’not a hero. i can’t always be there to save you.” there was something harsh lingering in his words. it wasn’t directed at you, but himself. as if he was to blame for not being able to control fate.

his eyes averted your own. 

“i know that. i was just saying—”

“i know what you’re sayin’” he snapped. you swallowed hard and he took a breath. “no, m’not glad you’re comin’, as much as i wanna see you. m’worried m’gonna be so focused on you the entire time, makin’ sure you’re safe, i’ll mess somethin’ up. get someone else killed.” he took a frustrated breath, seeing the hurt lingering in your eyes as he spoke. “and if something were to happen t’you…” he paused briefly. “i was there last time, and look what happened.”

“simon, that wasn’t your—”

he stepped closer to you, his hands on his hips as he towered above you. “jus’ promise me you’ll be careful. diligent.”

with your lips slightly parted, you nodded. 

“good.”

his fingers found your chin, his thumb stroking across the soft of your lips. and it seemed like there was something else he wanted to say, something he was contemplating. but he just gave you one final look before taking off down the hall. 

you woke to vigorous knocking on your door. your roommate rolled over in her bed, “what the fuck.”

you quickly got up, eyes blurred, and opened it to find soap. “soap? what time is it?”

“we gotta go, lass. grab your shit.”

“wait, what?”

“leavin’ earlier than expected. el sin nombre’s having a…” he searched for the word,  “ party in las almas tonight.” his eyes looked behind you briefly. “that your bag?” you turned then nodded. “grab it and let's go.”

you changed frantically and slung your bag over your shoulder before hustling down the barracks to the port. 

it was two in the morning, the sun a long way from coming up. you stepped outside onto the gravel, several men throwing things into the humvee you were to be taking. 

you came up beside price who was saying something to gaz. “iaso, good, you’re here.”

“course, captain.”

he gestured his head to the back of the vehicle. “get in. we’re departin’ in two.”

johnny came up behind you and patted your back. “lookin’ good,” he mocked, referring to your disarray. 

“sorry, i didn’t exactly have the time to get dolled up.”

he chuckled before climbing into the humvee. he stretched out a hand and heaved you up. you quickly did a head count, noticing a certain skull-wearing man was missing. 

you sat between soap and graves. you nervously looked over at him and said “hi,” settling your bag between your legs. something about graves always made you a bit on edge. and having him here, right now, made the hairs on your neck rise. he would usually meet on location. he didn’t typically travel with the team very often.

he glanced at you and gave a polite nod. soap leaned over to speak quietly in your ear. “we’ll be meetin’ alejandro there.”

“right.”

like a sixth sense, you could feel him looking at you. ghost stepped onto the humvee and sat across from you, his eyes tracing you intently. you smiled at him and shifted uncomfortably under his watch. it was so hard to read what he was thinking under that mask. eventually, he looked away, staring at something else that caught his attention. 

it felt so weird. everything about this felt weird. you were… dating your lieutenant. that sentence sounded so strange, like it wasn’t supposed to be strung together. 

and here he was, his knees mere inches from yours, and you had to pretend like everything between the two of you was strictly professional. 

you listened to the rumble of the humvee and the soft words soap muttered to you. it would take hours to get to las almas. eventually, you fell asleep, the sky still dark and filled with stars. it was a restless sleep absent of dreams. 

the rumbling of the motor came to a brief lull, shaking you from your nap. you sat up, realizing your head had been resting against graves' shoulder. “oh my god,” you said rather faintly. “i’m sorry, i didn't mean to–”

“s’okay,” he said. “would never complain having a pretty lady falling asleep on me.” 

your face warmed and you heard soap chuckle on the other side of you. “i know yer depraved, but she’s off limits,” soap joked. 

graves shook his head, likely thinking back to soap’s similar words that night in the bar. he nodded at you, then got up and left the humvee. 

you turned to soap, whispering. “what was that about?”

soap adjusted his tac vest. “what’dya mean?”

“ off limits ,” you mimicked. your chest tightened, worried soap had already somehow found out about you and lt.

soap stood up and stretched. “i was jus’ tryna help you. but, hey, if that’s the road y’wanna go down, be my guest,” he said, holding up his hands. he smirked at you before getting out. 

you quickly gathered your bag and stood, your chest colliding with ghost’s. “s-sorry,” you muttered, looking up at him and then quickly looking away.

“you’re makin’ it obvious by tryna not be obvious,” he mumbled so only you could hear him. 

“right,” you said. you nodded at him, similar to the way graves had respectfully nodded at you, and you climbed out of the humvee into the early morning light. 

ghost’s hand clenched as he watched you. sure, he was possessive—a bit overprotective too—but this feeling of jealousy was a new feeling for him. or, rather, it was a feeling he hadn’t experienced to its full extent in years. 

but watching you rest on graves' shoulder, nothing he could do about it… filled his chest with rage he knew he had to subdue, and fast. the last thing you all needed was a messy mission. 

chapter 15 ➡

#ghost #simon riley #smut #ghost cod #ghost x reader #ghost mw2 #ghost smut #simon riley smut #simon riley x reader #cod #ghost fanfic #simon riley fanfic #ghost call of duty #ghost angst #cod mw2 #cod fic #call of duty fanfic #mw2 fanfic #beneath the mask #mw3 #ghost mw3

[wicchyy]

0.1 — drunkfession ; james potter

sum: alcohol has both you and James thinking about what could’ve been

warnings: drunk teens

notes: wrote this months ago but its literal shit needed to clear my notes tho!

James stumbled in his steps as he climbed up the corridor stairs. His head was heavy, his eyes bleary, but even in his drunken state he was still able to make out the person stood before him.

Judging by your puffy lips and reddened cheeks, he was able to either guess you were drunk or had been crying. Your hair fell in its silky locks, tangled by the ends. James just wished he could comb through them, make them look perfectly straight just how he liked it. His heart ached a bit when your eyesight avoided him immediately.

He knew he’d hurt you, he knew how you and him didn’t talk much more these days, didn’t joke around even when you’d been promised a friendship still. But none of those compared to you avoiding eye contact with him.

The breakup didn’t go well. He had convinced you that both of you weren’t good for each other. And maybe you weren’t. Things were messy for you, and he was in a complicated situation as well. You’d gone through a list of hookups after. But James, James had gotten into a semi serious relationship with Lily Evans. At first he tried to hide it, then things got more complicated and James couldn’t keep things away any longer. The news came a few months after your breakup, but the fact hurt, and maybe mixed with a bit of alcohol in your senses— you had broke down to the pictures of them together.

James didn’t knew what was going on in his head then, maybe he enjoyed Lily’s company, maybe he did like her. But if he did, then why was he so completely over her in just a week, or why— even worse, was his heart panging in his chest and his heartbeat ringing through his ears when he sees you like this.

And why, when the air gets colder and the leaves turn browner does he have you feeling like his girl again?

“Hi.” He starts simply.

You wave your hand, “You can cross, Potter.”

He wants to speak, but the words don’t come out right, “I— I don’t—“

“You know, you can speak to me properly. Know you’re drunk ‘n all, but it’s really not that hard, Potter.”

“What d’you mean?” He asks harshly.

You lean away from the wall, “I mean, you’ve been avoiding me all the time. ‘S not like I’ve done anything wrong, have I?”

“Oh, c’mon Y/n. I—“

“Why’re you even here?” You slurred, “Shouldn’t you be busy with Lily?”

He rolled his eyes, clearly irritated by the question. “I have an actual life other than her, thank you very much. And besides— ‘s not like we were anything.”

You knew. Of course you knew. You were friends with Sirius and Marlene, Merlin, one of those were bound to say something. “Really?” You asked, not to sound too interested or anything.

He hmm-ed, answering simply.

“Then why’d you break up with me?”

One. Two. The seconds passed by just as direct as your words. Unsurprisingly aiming for his heart.

“You know I cant answer that, Y/n.”

You scoffed, “Why not? Haven’t had actual closure all this time. Might as well, right? We’re both drunk, probably wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning.”

Truthfully, even if you were drunk off your arse, you knew you wouldn’t forget about anything about this night. Even starting from this moment, it had all been captured and stored in your memory. Just like all the other ones with James in it, it was tucked in the safe space of the small slot in your heart.

“Yes. No— lie. I remember everything with you in it.” Just like your minds were the same, he admitted just a bit more bravely than you.

“I just want to understand, Jamie.”

There it was. Jamie. He knew the nickname was coming, and yet he still expected a small heart attack to occur when you pronounced the name so gently, just like you used to.

“I know you do.” He sighed, running a hand through his mess of curls. “But I don’t know either. My head was a mess, just like you were. And I guess— I guess I never apologized to you and never helped you through it. But you should know, Y/n, I really am sorry for all of it.”

Your eyes shot up to the ceiling, avoiding the mess of tears threatening to spill down your cheeks. “I didn’t ask for your apology. I asked why.”

More tugging on his hair, “I don’t— don’t know, Y/n. I guess, things were really messy and I did the first thing that came to mind instead of thinking it through.”

“You should’ve spoke to me. Asked me for help. Or something. I was there for you, Jamie. You had me, just like I thought I had you.”

The words cut. He knew, and you knew too.

“You were there for me?”

You rolled your eyes again at him, a small laugh escaping and your voice going down. “You know you’ll always have me, right Jamie? No need to be so choosy with my words.”

His beautiful hazel eyes light up, “I know.”

“You avoided me. You acted like I didn’t exist.” You frowned. Even with his poor eyesight, James could see your eyes turn glassy.

“Honey—“ James stopped himself, “Sorry, Y/n. I— I didn’t know you felt that way. You said you didn’t want to talk to me.”

“What?” You suppressed the want to smack his head, “When did I ever say that, you idiot?”

“I dunno! I just got the vibe!”

“You’re so stupid, Potter! This is why I hate you!”

“You don’t hate me.”

“Yes, I do.”

James scoffs, “You could never hate me.”

“Right, because you’ve treated me so perfectly.” You mumbled.

The staircase didn’t have much air as the window was far on the top end. You felt yourself getting hotter, particularly the heat reaching up to your cheeks when James clicked his tongue and pursed his lips.

“Let me treat you perfectly then.” He offered, you weren’t sure if he meant it or if it were just one of his mindless, drunk flirting. Probably the latter.

You scoffed, “Not a chance, Potter.”

“I mean it.” He took a step forward. His fingers twitched, itching to grab ahold of yours. He knew just then what it’d feel it, yours were cold and his was warm. He knew it was like whatever this was between you two, just something teetering on the edge, if he had a chance to grab ahold of you he knew he could warm you right up. But James hadn’t yet trusted himself if he was able to earn your heart and not break it again.

“I have experience in not believing what you mean.”

“I wanted it to be you, Y/n. So badly.” He confessed in a whisper.

“Then why not?” You only dared to ask as the tears finally drop gently across your cheeks.

Why not? Well, it was quite clear then why not. Because his robes were decorated with red and gold and meanwhile yours were lined with astute silver and green.

You. Always you. How could he ever forget … about you? Even if it’s been months since your breakup, and months since you’ve spoken so intimately with each other, everything about this felt natural.

“You know why not.”

You rolled your eyes, pretty sure your cheeks have been rained with black mascara by now. “It sucked to see you trailing after Lily for weeks. It sucked because I knew how it felt having you on mine.”

“I’m sorry.”

You scoffed, trying to lighten the mood with your insistent remarks the whole conversation. “You’ve said that before.”

“Honey.” James smirked ever so slighty. He moved his face closer to you until you could feel his breath fanning over your nose. “I’m so, so sorry.” Your cold choulder was suddenly touched by a warm presence, his fingers creeping up to twiddle with the thin strap of your dress.

“Jamie..” your voice wavered, serving as a warning to James.

“I could have you forgiving me so easily, you know that?”

You decided then, if James wanted to play this game then you could compete as well. “How about, you spend more time trying to get a sincere apology to me ready by next morning. Maybe then I’ll see if I’m ready to forgive you.”

“God, I had you tearing up a minute ago and now you’re back to this?” James panted.

Your hand pushed at his chest, “See you in the morning, Potter.”

James smiled politely, the smile you hated. Then his head dipped lower and pressed a singular light kiss on your clavicle. “Goodnight, then.” He whispered against your skin.

“Ugh. Goodnight, Potter.” You replied swiftly before quickly leaving.

💌 thanks for reading lovie! support me by reblogging <3

#harry potter fanfic #james potter fic #james potter x reader #marauders era #james potter #james potter fanfiction #james potter fluff #james potter x you #james potter x y/n #marauders #marauders fandom #marauders fic #marauders fanfiction #marauders fluff #marauders x reader #marauders x you #marauders x y/n #harry potter #hp fandom #hp fanfic #harry potter fanfiction #james potter smut #james potter blurb

[orbmanson7]

And here's the last part of the analysis of the "The Sides Need a Nice Day" video, this time, let's talk about Janus and Remus.

(If you want to read the first part about Patton and Logan, go here.

If you want to read the second part about Virgil and Roman, go here.)

Right away, we have Janus letting us know he's about to one-up Patton and Virgil's attempts at cheering another side up, for whatever reason he feels compelled to do so (because acceptance isn't a competition or anything, right?), and says he will be giving Remus a nice day.

Specifically, he says that "freaks deserve nice days too" which is a funny but wonderful sentiment, because it shows that Janus sees Remus for what he is but also doesn't want him to change anything about that. Remus deserves to be who he is and enjoy himself, as they all do, which is kind of the whole point behind this video, even though it hasn't really been obvious up to this point, probably because Janus is being far more direct about it than the others were.

To explain, if you look back at Patton and Logan's part, you'll see that Patton wasn't trying to change anything about Logan and came up with things he would enjoy doing, but he wanted to do them far too quickly for Logan's liking.

And with Virgil and Roman, the suggestions all turned out to be things Virgil thought Roman would like but he changed those things to be something they might both enjoy instead, which wasn't really giving Roman anything he expected.

But Janus knows Remus very well, recognizes the purpose behind the trend is to simply give someone something they want and let them enjoy it, and he's prepared to properly do what the others had failed at, to give another side a nice day without flaw.

Also, Janus not knowing where the pens would be is likely meant as a little hint that Janus is still very unfamiliar with the light sides' area and where they'd keep things. Not sure how he knew where to find the note cards, though...

Janus goes looking for Remus in a dark closet, expecting him to be there but is still startled when it turns out he is.

He quickly gets to the point and simply tells Remus what to do and what the result will be. No constant questions back and forth, no push for an explanation, Janus just tells Remus what to expect immediately. See how easy that is?

Remus doesn't seem too pleased before picking the card, but is delighted after he sees the result. This may imply Janus has offered to do things in the past that have not been enjoyable for Remus, but that could be a stretch. We don't know these two well enough yet to really be sure.

Janus, though with little emotion, tells Remus to 'have at it' and that he's convinced Thomas to 'lean into his intrusive thoughts' for the day. It's very likely that this means Thomas is merely thinking out these scenarios, not actually participating in them, which would still be enjoyable for Remus as someone who delves in the imagination just as much as Roman. It also would keep Thomas out of any real-life repercussions for these actions and keep down his stress and anxiety, as well.

Considering DwIT showed that just the thought alone would often put Thomas on edge, it makes sense that these actions are thoughts being leaned into and imagined rather than legitimately happening (and would also explain some of the unused options on the cards). Thomas has learned by now that thinking about something doesn't make you a bad person, and who better to convince him to have a little fun with that than Janus?

Remus excitedly grabs for the next option, instantly delighted by what it turns out to be. This really does show that Janus understands Remus rather well, he knows what Remus enjoys and doesn't have to change anything to make him happy. This comes from knowing each other, likely for a long time, and Janus not just knowing his interests but also understanding why Remus likes something.

However, on the next round of options, Janus remarks that he can't believe he's doing this. He's either in disbelief that he's doing these nice things for Remus all to show up Patton and Virgil, or he is regretting how much effort he's put into this with how easily Remus is entertained by it.

Janus doesn't seem bored, but he's definitely doing this for Remus and not enjoying the activities alongside him.

As I mentioned in the last post about Virgil and Roman, this is likely in relation to love languages that have been on display throughout the whole video.

At this part with Janus and Remus, though, Janus is using his knowledge of Remus' interests to give him something he'll enjoy, making this the love language of 'gift-giving'. However, he's also acknowledging that these are activities others would be weirded-out by and then saying nothing negative about it. Janus is encouraging Remus to do these activities, regardless of what anyone will think, making this the love language of 'words of affirmation' in its own unique way, by validating what Remus enjoys.

While you could argue the others also did this, it means a lot more for Remus in particular, as someone whose entire presence is seen as a bad thing, that any ideas he may have are hazardous and awful, and he's shut down and ignored as much as possible at every turn. Something as simple as saying that it's actually fine if he wants to dangle a phone off the side of a bridge is incredibly kind to do for him.

But this also shows us that he's very used to being ignored and suppressed, because he was absolutely enamoured at the thought of getting to do any of these activities. From his reactions throughout this entire part, we know he would be equally as excited to eat paper as he would to summon Bloody Mary, which just proves that point. It's not just the extreme ideas of his that get pushed away, it's all of them. Remus finally getting the chance to act things out that he thinks up and enjoys must mean a hell of a lot to him.

Remus then thanks Janus in the end, a great big smile on his face, and Janus sighs and says "you're welcome. Don't say I never did anything for you."

It's possible this is just a little joke, but if it did mean something, it could be implying that Janus and Remus are not quite on equal ground in the current timeline of the plot. This would make sense, as Janus has just been accepted by Thomas, but only just. This still puts him leagues above where Remus is, even though Thomas does seem at least more used to him being around, at least.

This could cause a rift between Janus and Remus if it's not addressed soon, but Janus will still be working to earn his place amongst the others, so we'll have to see how that pans out.

It's also possible that Janus' line is more in reference to his overall purpose in the show. He operates more as Self-Preservation, but that doesn't have to be exclusive to Thomas, as many of the other sides can affect one another, as well. If he's attempting to restore some balance to Thomas' mental health by getting some of the other sides to understand their own biases (as he's been doing so far), this could still put Remus at a disadvantage until Remus is more accepted as Dark Creativity rather than Intrusive Thoughts. This may explain Janus' line if he's already been accused or expects to soon be accused of not paying enough attention to Remus, because Janus' priority will still have to be Thomas' well-being and that could put Remus at the bottom of his priorities.

He may not want Remus to change, but it's going to take a lot of work before the others can be ready to handle Remus without any changes, and he may know that a little too well, considering how long it's taken just for Janus to be accepted.

But, in the end, Janus did manage to prove his point in this part of the video, that he absolutely knows how to give another side a nice day, far better than Patton and Virgil, that's for sure.

He can be proud of that fact, for knowing Remus so well, but hopefully that isn't something he has to toss aside for Thomas' sake any time soon...

#sanders sides analysis #janus sanders #remus sanders #sanders sides #long post #ts spoilers #hella remus angst in here whoo #orbs thought bubbles

[missmielyhoran]

Yearbook

in which Harry promised you to take you as his first award show date...

(A/N- In this Harry became solo artist one direction doesn't exist, listen to Wanna be yours for feels)

[Warning- Fluff, Angst if you like squint reallllllyyyyyyy hard, a little self-doubt, Harry being absolute gentleman he is, Harry might or might not have a secret crush on reader🤭, pinning like idiots]

Masterlist

*****

Life is werid and unpredictable.

As for someone who likes to plan their every move in advance, you hated that from the bottom of your heart. You were the type of person to pick out outfits and plan everything for the day for an event you will attend in a week or two.

So imagine your surprise when your ex classmate comes at your door step asking you to be his date and not just any classmate...Harry fucking Styles asking you to be his date to VMAs.

HARRY FUCKING STYLES.

"Wait can you repeat that?" You said dumbfounded. Harry chuckled, dimples digging in deep as he asked you again

"Will you be my date to the VMAs?"

"I still can't believe it. I mean why me? Is this a prank? Is Nick Grimshaw going to jump out of somewhere with his camera crew or something or is this revenge for me spilling orange juice on your shirt on picture da-" Your rambling was cut off by Harry scooting near you on the couch and holding both your shoulders.

Your eyes snapped to his, and your face flushed red cause one, he was Harry Styles, and you were obviously his fan. Second, you had a massive crush on him in school and still have (who doesn't?).

You really were surprised how you didn't drop dead from a heart attack.

"Darling do you have your yearbook with you?" He asked you softly and you nodded too in shock to speak.

"Go get it" He said removing his hands from your shoulders and sitting back.

Yes daddy was your first response but you bit your tongue and ran off to your room.

"Holy fucking shit" You whisper shouted to yourself and fixed your hair in the mirror and put on some lipgloss even though he saw you in the ratty state you were when you opened the door thinking it was pizza, it was not late to make a good impression right?

You knew where your yearbook was, so you took your time to make your appearance look good and excused the time as "searching."

"Sorry took some time to find this old thing" You lied. Harry hummed as you gave him the book and smirked.

"If I didn't knew any better I would say you were lying darling and actually was getting dolled up, up there" He said still not looking up rather than flicking through pages.

Your face flushed again and you played with your hair trying to not squim and be flustered.

"I was not-" He cut you off again but you didn't mind cause you didn't have an excuse.

"Look here." He pointed towards the very end of the page where you had your friends sign at the last day of school, and obviously, Harry's was also there, but there was also a message there.

I promise to take you as my date to my first VMAs

Honestly, you don't even remember he wrote that. You were too busy being sad over not being able to see his pretty face every day. You were surprised he still remembered.

"You remembered this?" You asked him and looked up he was looking at you with his pretty toothy dimply smile and your heart skipped a beat, it was like highschool all over again.

"Ofcourse I did" he said and scooted back a bit to your much dismay, "Now the question is will you?"

"Duh. I would be a dumbass if I said no" You laughed and put the yearbook aside.

"Great Great" He said, standing up from beside you. You frowned discreetly at the thought of him leaving so early, "I will be here to pick you up tomorrow at 2 pm. That's okay for you?" He asked looking at you hopefully.

"Yeah that's okay" You replied smiling softly. His eyes shined brighter as if you were the sun. You stood there in middle of your living room watching his beautiful green eyes that was until a thought struck you.

"But I don't have anything to wear, Harry! It's already 4 pm when am I supposed to go shopping and buy stuff." You started panicking again but he just waved you off.

"Calm down darling. Event is at 6 there is a reason I said I will pick you up at 2. All you have to do it get your pretty little ass in my car, worry about nothing else" He said tucking a piece of hair behind your ears. Your face went red, feeling flustered by is unashamed flirting.

"Okay" You said with a soft smile. Harry smiled and hugged you, with your face in his chest you could smell his cologne and god he smelled so amazing, like Vanilla and sandalwood with a hint of tobacco, you were obsessed.

"See you tomorrow" He said with a wink as he walked towards his car.

God he must be thinking how embarrassing I'm.

*****

God she must be thinking how embarrassing I'm.

Harry thought as he drove away from your house still watching your small figure standing on the door.

It was a shot in dark, him just showing up and asking you to be his date to VMAs. In reality he would be asking you to a real date but he's too much of a pussy.

He could have asked you when he was in highschool but he too scared just as he's now. He just hope everything goes well tomorrow and the next time he will be picking you up will be a real date.

*****

Tomorrow came too early and too late.

Whole night you couldn't sleep thinking about the event, who would be there? what will you do if someone famous talks to you? what will you say if someone asks you who Harry is to you? An ex classmate? friend? acquaintance?

Then your mind went to Harry and how good he looked, you wondered what he will be wearing, if it will match your outfit. Will you be good enough for him? what will everyone else say?

It wasn't until you got a text that you stopped overthinking. It was Harry, you had exchanged numbers so he could text you if something happened.

Panicking you checked the text thinking he was canceling on you cause he found someone pretty like a model who would be far more appropriate to take to event like this but it was him sending you picture of his cat.

Harry-

If you're stressing out we have a great cuddler here

You smiled and replied to his text.

You-

Who you or her?

Harry-

Why don't you find out yourself...

It went back and forth until you fell asleep mid replying but Harry didn't mind he was just happy he got to talk to you.

You woke up you guessed it...panicking. You thought the alarm you set didn't go off just to find out there was still an hour left. Knowing you will not fall asleep again you went down and made a good breakfast. Most of the time you just hurry grabbing what you can and run to work but today you treated yourself.

You made omelets sunny side up, toast, and a nice coffee and then ate it while listening to your happy playlist. After you were done with breakfast, you washed the dishes and then took a shower.

You washed your hair, deep conditioned it, shaved your whole body until baby smooth, used all those expensive oils you bought. You wanted to look your best, you knew you were nothing compared to those celebrities, models there will be which bunch of Harry dated but you could get close and look like you belong there.

After shower you got out and wrapped yourself in a bathrobe and did your elaborate skincare, mask and everything.

In doing everything, you didn't even realize the time, and suddenly, it was 2 p.m. and Harry was at your front door right on time, and you were running down the stairs. You decided to wear a simple white sundress with small sunflowers considering it was too hot outside and you also looked cute in it. Forgoing makeup cause you will be getting ready there anyways, you put on your lipsgloss and opened the door.

"Hi" you said, beaming at Harry. He was wearing white pants and a hoodie with hood up and a mask covering his face so no one would recognize him. He looked good nonetheless.

"Hi." Harry was breathless. You looked like sunshine incarnated, your smile, your dress god he wished he could kiss you right now. "You look absolutely beautiful," He said, checking you out shamelessly.

"Thank you" you blushed and stepped aside to let him in. "I just need to grab my purse and we will go" You said.

"Take your time there is no rush" Harry said, "Oh and these are for you" he said, shyly extending the bouquet of flowers. It was a mix of sunflowers and daffodils, "I know you like daffodils so.." he trailed off.

You looked up shocked he even knew that. You don't even remember telling him that. "This is beautiful Harry thank you so much" You said looking at him with softest look there ever have been in someone's eyes.

You quickly put flowers in vase smiling to yourself and checked your bag for everything you needed. "I'm ready" You said walking up to Harry in living room.

"Let's go then" Harry said, getting up from your couch. You walked behind him, locking up the main door while he contemplated if holding your hand would be too much.

God he feels like middle school boy.

Fuck it he thought to himself and threaded his fingers into yours as you stepped down on the stairs to his level. Your hands were so soft and small in comparison to his, almost swallowing it whole and for some reason his heartbeat skipped at that.

If he wasn't all too gone he was now.

Meanwhile you didn't know how to breathe. He was holding your hand...HARRY WAS HOLDING YOUR HAND. You might have looked fine from outside but inside you were panicking, screaming, crying, there were butterflies in your stomach. You're greatful you didn't threw up.

You smiled at him, and the sun shone just right on your skin, and if Harry wasn't carefull he might have thought you were an angel or some heavenly thing from the way you were glowing.

"C'mon darling let's go to car" Before he dies of a heart attack...

*****

Taglist- @tenaciousperfectionunknown @that-daydream-look @harryspirate @tiaamberxx @lomlhstyles @vmpellie @sunshinemoonsposts @jayde515

They're so cute

Please Like, Comment and Reblog

I love you♡

Talk to me and tell me if you liked this here♡ I will post part 2 soon

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles angst #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x y/n #fluff imagine #harry fluff #harry fanfic #harry styles fan fiction #x reader #harry x reader #harry x yn #harry styles x yn

[hopefull-mindset]

A Much Needed Overview

I’ve been brought to a point of feeling the need to discuss the abuse depicted in Bungou Stray Dogs. This isn’t the brightest topic to speak about and I understand why people are reluctant to speak in detail about something as serious as this. It’s not easy, so I’ll be the brave face today because I feel disappointed about the lack of deep discussion beyond the popular topic of “The Abuse Cycle”.

I’m happy that it’s at least brought up amongst everyone as something that exists, I’m happy that people feel as though it’s something to talk about, but I don’t think most understand how to act about it. It’s never as cut and dry as how it’s depicted in most other pieces of media or how people speak about it in general. That is why I am thankful for its depiction here. Not saying that nobody speaks about it with clarity, but it’s not the majority, unfortunately.

I especially felt this was a good time to address this because of the reaction towards Asagiri’s thoughts on Dazai and Akutagawa’s relationship in the recent magazine interview. The outrage is not from nowhere, I was also taken aback at first, but to claim Asagiri “doesn’t even know his own story” is incredibly self-entitled considering the story isn’t done, nor are you the one writing this. If you read the story, no way is Asagiri justifying anything that happened. Please look at the question that is being asked, does it say “Do you think what Dazai did is morally right?” Of course, it isn’t.

Not to be rude but before you start questioning the writer himself if he’s read his own story, have you read it? Please keep in mind the fact this is only a magazine interview and doesn't reflect every nuance. Asagiri doesn't need to go “Oh yeah, this thing that’s bad is bad” every two seconds to explain himself. Asagiri’s writing decisions can be questionable and cannot be uncritiqued, but I’m going to have to defend him on this account.

I’m not sure if any warnings are needed concerning the subject matter considering most BSD fans know what I’m about to go over, but to be clear, please only read this when you’re in a well enough headspace for heavy matters such as this. I am not going to be talking lightly in any of this or dance around what’s happened between any of the characters, abuse is harder to talk about compared to other acts of violence that are objectively worse because it’s a more personal act that too many can find themselves in.

Finally, I do not want to speak about my own experiences online because I’ve only come to terms recently with it and they do not reflect everyone’s response to depictions of abuse in all media. Some things are very uncomfortable to admit about me that I haven’t told anyone, that no one would be able to take well even if they were my closest friend. This isn’t about me at all and there is no point in saying more about my reality, but I think my perspective might help people enlighten themselves on how truly complicated situations like this are.

What is Abuse?

Surprise, we need to go over this before any discussion about BSD happens because a lot misunderstand what abuse is. It's disheartening that the term has been so simplified that nobody knows what it means anymore. Don't substitute words for abuse or use abuse as a substitute for other terms. Abuse as a concept is quite hard to pin down with words and there are many ways to describe it, but by definition in the context that it’s directed to another person, abuse is:

To target and mistreat someone, causing them harm or distress in a repetitive manner

This by itself does not describe the grand scope of everything and probably might make you more confused, but it’s a great place to start and does describe what is directed to the victim. Many sources will use varied wording, but it’s the general knowledge that someone is being hurt to a fundamental level that makes it abuse.

Does the abuser need to intentionally hurt someone for it to be abused? Yes, but not in the way you think. Most abusers are not hurting their victims for the sake of just hurting them, that’s illogical, they’re doing it for something. Some examples include either for themselves in some way or what they think is for their victim’s “own benefit”. Even worse is when they genuinely believe it because they’ve also grown up in an environment that has that same mentality and reflects on themselves.

So yes, it’s intentional in that they’re doing it for a purpose. No matter their intention though, “selfless” or not, it’s still a selfish act in itself that they think that imposing their own will through harmful methods is what the victim needs. The abuse doesn’t need to be physically harming another for it to be abuse. As long as it’s harming you emotionally or otherwise and making you raise flags in your head, it’s abuse.

It sounds strange, but I'm saying it’s intentional because you’re still an intended target of their abuse whether they realize it themself or not. Abuse needs to repeat a form of distress in you to be abuse. For example, does one instance of physical violence against you count as abuse when it never happens again? Well, you need to think about the context. Usually, this would just be assault and that’s it, but is it left hanging in the air to happen again when you interact with them? Do you feel afraid for your well-being, even though it doesn’t happen again?

That’s still abuse, the psychological kind. Typically when abusers resort to physical means, it’s gonna happen again eventually. In this hypothetical instance, however, the point is that repeated distress does not mean repeated actions. It does not need to happen the same way for you to feel unsafe, it just needs to have power over you. Manipulation does not always equal abuse either. It’s a tactic used by abusers, but unless paired up with other actions, it doesn’t fit the criteria of abuse. Context matters when you examine what abuse is.

Here comes the tricky parts that are acknowledged less: When the abuser is someone you’ve relied on in your childhood, in a detrimental part of your life, or someone you care about that you put importance in, and it makes it hard to fully hate that person. What the abuser has done to the victim does not entirely reflect them as people, even if it’s still an important part of them that needs to be addressed.

Abusive people are not only defined by their awful actions, they’re not pure monsters like most love to pretend they are. It’s just easier to think that because accepting that they’re just a multifaceted human being hurts too much when you’re on the receiving end of their worse behavior. But what happens when you’re on the receiving end of both? You try to justify it the way the abuser is because you can’t accept that what’s happening is bad and not something everyone goes through. After all, they treat you decent enough sometimes.

Something so many people need to get into their heads already is that abusers can be victims and vice versa, but just because your abuser went through something themselves or is important to you, doesn’t mean you have to forgive them. Abuse is not forgivable just like that, you can rebuild a relationship beyond that if you’re able to, It’s not a “forgive-and-forget” thing.

Not everyone experiences and responds to abuse the same way, some hate their abusers fully, some can’t bring themselves to, and some don’t even know what to think, but there are so many who don’t feel one way that regarding all abusers as heartless monsters completely invalidates so many stories and their difficult experiences. I have a huge grudge against people like this who restrict abusive situations to just looking like one thing, this is why so many don’t even know that their situations are abusive.

Portrait of a Father

Chapter 39 reflects my points the most, and at the same time, it also turns out to be one of the most controversial chapters. It surprised me that it is, but maybe I shouldn’t be considering how most people on the internet act about abuse. It’s a lovely chapter to me personally and one of my favorites.

If you need a refresher, this is the chapter the Orphanage Director died in and leaves Atsushi in an emotional frenzy about what to think and believe. I know that the underlying message of this chapter is confusing to some, but it hit me in the face point blank on how this is about facing your abuser’s death without any personal conclusion with them.

Being sent on an investigation, Atsushi, after finding out the body was the Director, is stunned and scared because he knows nothing of the director other than his cruelty. He immediately assumes the worst and that he was coming after him again. Atsushi’s thoughts against him are entirely… on purpose in the director’s intentions because we find out that he has gone through so much violence and loss himself that he’s projecting his own will onto Atsushi and making sure he’d “survive in the real world”. So he became his first figure of hate and violence earlier in his life so he’d be “prepared for what comes next”.

I know so many take the backstory for the director as a way to justify what he did to Atsushi in the narrative, but it was just to put into context why he was so cruel. Abusers are never cruel for no reason, that never makes it right, but it’s reality. Atsushi was not the only one in the orphanage who was treated badly, he was singled out by the director most likely for an ability he couldn't control because the headmaster knew he’d get the most trouble for it, and unfortunately… he was right.

Akutagawa being his informant in this chapter makes perfect sense. He can see that what the director was for Atsushi is what Dazai is for him. No matter how terrible their actions were, it’s what kept them alive for so long. It’s not pleasant to confront, is it? Atsushi agrees because when he gets the information that the Director was going to congratulate him with the flowers he was going to buy by selling the gun he had on him, he freaks out. No way the guy he was raised so long to hate, the guy who put him through so much suffering, was going to congratulate him.

I know to some, Dazai’s talk with Atsushi sounded like he was justifying what happened because “it made him a good person in the end”, but that’s not what’s being said. This conclusion I’ve seen some people come to about this conversation confuses me. Dazai is just saying the obvious, you guys get all shocked and it weirds me out how easily it’s been glossed over that the reason Atsushi is so self-sacrificial and trying to do the good thing is because of the director. The reason he puts himself so much on the front lines is because he needs that worth in being good to live and prove the director wrong, he was raised to see that type of person is the most ideal person to live in this world.

After everything that’s been dumped onto him in such a short time, so much inner conflict of what to think of a dead man he no longer can have any personal closure with, he asks Dazai what face he should make, what he should think at this moment. Dazai tells him that they’re his emotions and he can think however he’d like, but commonly someone cries when their father dies. So he cries, because ultimately no matter his treatment, no matter the intent and its effects, it’s still the man who raised him. It’s flawed, but that’s what a father is stripped bare at its core definition and that won’t change no matter your feelings.

Now that I’m done summarizing this chapter and making sure you guys understood the point and how it spells out their relationship, I can finally talk freely about what was happening between them. When it comes to familial abuse, generational trauma is so prevalent it’s hard not to talk about. The director is quite reflective of so many parents who were raised to grow up too early in harsh environments, that they think they need to prepare their children for it too, even though it’s no longer needed.

You don’t need to like someone for them to be important to you, especially if it’s a parent in your life or someone close to that. That’s why Atsushi cries. He cries for the director, he cries for himself, he cries that it’s finally over, he cries for the kindness he could’ve gotten even if it wouldn’t have fixed anything, he cries for the father that never was, he cries because his father is dead. It’s perfectly normal to keep someone close in your heart that wasn’t perfect and to grieve their death.

Was the director successful in what he was aiming for? I want to say no, but he did. He succeeded in making Atsushi think of others in a good light and do good for them, making Atsushi resent him, and giving him the ability to keep going. Hell raised him right, but it was still hell. The problem is that his teachings were based on degrading Atsushi into being nothing but a life he should put aside in favor of others. Even if he continued hating the director like he wanted, he would still degrade himself for being a coward who didn’t hold himself to those standards. The result is not perfect because the director is not perfect, but in his position, this is a success.

The director for a while was his shadow of negative encouragement when he joined the agency, what kept him going in those moments, because he was what defined good, bad, and justice for him in his entire childhood. Even if he was dead, he’d still linger in his mind. I can’t parse out what to think about these hallucinations forming Akutagawa and Dazai to guide him later on, all it tells me is that he still can’t rely on or trust himself and he needs more development in his self-image issues.

I see why fans are confused, hell raising us right is a bizarre thing to say to a victim, so let me show you a perspective you're not seeing. Let's imagine you have an abusive mother who only wants you to be prepared for the things you're undoubtedly going to experience because of what you can't control. What she did does help you, but all that goes through your head is “Why couldn't she have done it differently without my own suffering?” The only thoughts that come rushing back when you think of those memories are the unnecessary pains. It takes a lot for a victim to acknowledge this on their own, they want to push back at the past so they don't have to see this plain reality.

Like anyone else that I’m going to bring up in this post, just because the abuse made them who they are or affected who they became, even when it keeps us going through life and benefits us in some way, does not make the abuse justified. Abuse is still abuse, I addressed this already and I hope not to address this again. I needed to detail an explanation because it’s quite easy to hate a man you know nothing about and has been painted in nothing but a bad light. The anger against the director is undebatable because abuse is not debatable, but to pretend the cruelty was nothing but for cruelty’s sake is mischaracterizing both him and Atsushi.

You can’t pick and choose what’s been told to you in the text just because you don’t like a character and lack the maturity for it. It gets quite hard to do that sort of thing when it’s a character you‘ve grown to care about, it’s no wonder Dazai is divided between so many. Speaking of Dazai, his involvement in this makes as much sense as Akutagawa’s. He’s currently in a mentor position for Atsushi, no matter what Akutagawa says, and shows interest in his development. So of course he’s going to purposely stick his head into something that would affect Atsushi greatly. Both Akutagawa and Dazai are viewing this through their lenses as people who grew up in the darkness of society, and it’s not that Dazai thinks what happened to him wasn’t terrible, you should have eyes to read the panels provided, but he’s generally unfazed and able to sound neutral because he’s used to that cruelty.

The Port Mafia’s Environment

(Aka: is it really “all Mori’s fault” or is it just the product of being literally in The Mafia™?)

I’ll go over the “Cycle of Abuse” in a second, but please keep in mind that you can’t just blame everything on Mori. Just like the Director, it’s so easy to pin the guy who’s just been the worst for every problem there, but it decimates the other characters involved as well and makes what they’ve gone through go flat because you’re restricting it to a misinformed presumption.

To make a bold statement, I need you to completely throw away your idea of what the abuse cycle is. The Mori to Kyouka pipeline being the singular “Abuse Cycle”? Garbage, needs to go away too. I've seen many fans use the term “Cycle of Abuse” too carelessly, and while from afar the way they're using it is not technically wrong, they have the wrong thought process behind it.

The Cycle of Abuse is simply the patterns of what keeps us in an abusive dynamic and negative mental state, either with an individual or environment, and makes it incredibly hard for anyone to leave. It’s not the actions you take that make it the Cycle of Abuse, and it's not just one straight line of people going through similar motions. You don’t have to be someone’s abuser to be the one who keeps them there, if you feed into it you’re still a problem. Even if you don't actively add to it yourself, just staying there as a bystander and not trying to do anything to change it or speak up for the victim when you clearly could also still make you responsible. Just with your presence, it validates what they've gone through as normal.

If you need more of an explanation, two opposite examples include Higuchi & Akutagawa and Beast Kyouka & Atsushi. Higuchi is a traditional example in that she stays in the mafia because of her relationship with Akutagawa, and stays by his side for reasons unknown. What we do know is that she’s incredibly indebted to him enough to care for him to an extreme extent, but their relationship is abusive all the same. Beast Atsushi and Kyouka sounds strange for me to bring up, but this is an example of a non-abusive person contributing to the Cycle of Abuse. Instead of taking her out of an abusive situation, he brings her back in.

Many characters are a part of this main narrative of abuse in BSD, so it's not inaccurate to say Mori, Dazai, Akutagawa, and Kyouka are a part of it as well using this definition as all of them are the reason or contributed to why someone was stuck in a negative, abusive situation or the victim themselves. I’m guessing none of you are genuinely referring to this though and are referring to intergenerational abuse, a repeating cycle of younger generations taking after their abusers when they're older, which is a completely different phenomenon. Both are referred to as cycles and have many commonalities, but it’s not the same. Not to sound like a total dick, but this barely even applies to them.

Not because the concept is based on familial relationships, it can happen with older figures in your life too, but because our oh-so-famous Abuse Cycle gang does not have that commonality to make that claim. They have narrative parallels, but that’s pretty much it. I will save what I have to say in their sections, but Mori and Akutagawa did not abuse Dazai and Kyouka respectively for this type of claim to have any legitimacy. Kyouka certainly broke a cycle, but not that kind since that would need her to continue it in the first place and then prevent her own experiences from even affecting the next child.

What do all Mori, Dazai, Akutagawa, and Kyouka actually have in common? They are/were in the mafia, using their natural talents of cruelty for the underworld.

The Port Mafia resembles something of an abusive household or community that sees so much of what’s done to others there as normal, and constantly compares it to how it was with their old boss and thinks, “At least it wasn’t as bad as that.” It’s quite like the Orphanage Director’s thinking but on a larger scale. Does that make everyone in the Port Mafia abused? Nope, unlike most abusive communities, the Port Mafia is quite literally the mafia. Everyone is there for different reasons, at different ages, and different experiences. Everyone is taken advantage of in these situations, no matter the circumstances, but it doesn’t make them abused automatically.

So it’s hard to have a stance on anything about them being abusive other than the mentor situations in the Port Mafia don’t see abuse as abuse and just another way to teach their subordinates to survive in their world if they deem it necessary. Was Chuuya abused, either by Mori or Kouyou then? I’m going to have to say I can’t tell you that. We don’t have enough information on either of his dynamics with them to say that they’ve directly had any repetitive behaviors of direct harm against him specifically, and there's no reason for them to do so either. I’m not going to use the argument that “Chuuya doesn’t hate or fear them, so that must mean he wasn’t” because again, that type of response does not reflect so many situations.

Chuuya was still harmed by being in the Port Mafia as a teenager because nobody should have been surrounded by this much cruelty at that age. It doesn’t matter if he shows visible distress or not about the Port Mafia, he was just desensitized to it since his sheep days. So was he an abuse victim under the idea that being a child in the Port Mafia is abuse? That depends on who we’re speaking of, but in Chuuya’s situation, I'm going to have to say no as he's already internalized their mindset from his own experiences separate from the mafia. Keep in mind that it also still holds true that you can find family in situations like this, it’s not mutually exclusive. Some just find more comfort in what they’re used to than what would be better for them. Kyouka is a better example of someone being a victim of an abusive community.

A false claim I've seen made many times are the ones where they have it as if Mori is the mafia itself or that he made the mafia what it was. It shouldn’t be too surprising, but it’s the opposite. Mori already held flawed, heartless, calculative methods when in situations he thought required them. We’ve seen him as a soldier and an underground doctor, but we know nothing else about him outside of his cruelty, just like the headmaster. What he does is never for what he thinks is for his benefit, but for the sake of something larger. Whether it’s for the city, the country, or eventually, the Port Mafia.

The mafia is the first time he’s been put into a position of absolute leadership and is not yet accustomed to that at the beginning of Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen. He’s able to quickly fit the mold of a mafia boss, but there’s that bit of honesty that peaks through in this light novel in the first and last sections that’s ignored too quickly. First Mori complains about nothing going immediately right, questions himself about Dazai, and becomes genuinely stressed if it was the right decision to involve him, then confesses that he sees himself in Dazai to him (and him and Fukuzawa in Soukoku in private), and finally gives his honest take of leadership to Chuuya.

I already go over Mori as a character in one of my other posts and will speak more of him later on, so I don’t want to reiterate the same points, but here we have proof he has (albeit poor) humanity. He did not become the Port Mafia boss for his own selfish gain of power if you’ve forgotten, but because Natsume introduced him to becoming part of the Tripartite Framework to protect the city he loves, it’s where he’d excel best in this plan. The Port Mafia was already a shithole, Mori just made it livable again by becoming what an organized crime group needs.

It’s what makes the dynamic between Kouyou and him so intriguing because you have an abuse victim who has embraced the environment she was forced back into, but won’t let go of someone who’s proven to be more of a decent leader than her tormentor and can be relied on. For victims who couldn’t get help or realize they needed help, the easier path is to accept this is your life through some justification. While I said the Port Mafia resembles an abusive community, communities as such aren’t purely terrible and that’s what keeps them justifying it in their head. The family you have for yourself, whether it's a made one or the one you're born with, is what sticks for you.

Like it or not, Mori isn’t stupid. He takes risky gambles that backfire on him sometimes, but he’s good at his job. He’s brutal enough to prove his own against the people who didn’t think he should’ve been boss and outsiders who want to go against the Port Mafia, but he’s considerate enough towards his people and shows enough competency to be perfect for the job. He’s not a great human being, but what did you expect? He no longer had any room to express that humanity, he never had; there was no benefit from being a good person in his line of work.

The Heartless Cur

That looked like a great segue to talk about Dazai and Mori’s dynamic, but it’d benefit to go over Akutagawa first. For those who do acknowledge it as an abusive situation, Thank you for at least taking that step. Numerous don’t and it worries me at the state of what’s considered abuse vs. training. It may be both at times but don't excuse one for the other. Training needs formal consent and communication at some point during a session. Akutagawa is learning, but it’s the same as getting yelled at as a child for not doing your homework right, when again, you’re still just learning.

It might’ve been easier to see for those who do acknowledge it because of the visible physical abuse that happens, but let's not undermine the psychological abuse happening as well. Dazai has messed with his psyche on an abhorrent level through his degrading and threats, making him reliant to hear a single word of acknowledgment from his mouth. What happened to Akutagawa is beyond the mafia’s environment.

Akutagawa does not hate or want Dazai dead for what he’s done to him, but he does hold anger at the seeming abandonment he’s been put through… and at himself as well. Anger that he couldn't get to what Dazai wanted him to be before he suddenly left. So he proves himself by climbing the ranks and becoming someone feared. Spectacles of violence not because he enjoys the feeling of other’s suffering or the power over them, but to show Dazai that see? He's still worth looking at!

He stays in the mafia because he’s found a place there. Even if he could, there was no point in leaving the mafia after he disappeared because what would be left for him if he did? He will always be an unchangeable, horrific hound of the dark and there's no changing that in his mind. From an inference of his actions in the dungeon when they finally reunite one-on-one, he wanted to believe that he was above Dazai after all those years, but Dazai doesn't act impressed or scared or anything. After all that effort, he gets nothing but ridicule and mockery like he's back to being that little kid with an oversized coat too big for his body.

Worse is that he gets told that some new kid Dazai picked up, who didn't train to the extent he did to refine his abilities, is better than him somehow. He gets riled up and at first, takes out on Dazai, but all those threats about killing him and how he went against the mafia were empty. Even now he can't bring himself to hate Dazai, he needs his mentor to acknowledge him no matter what side he's on. He never let go of Dazai, his coat is proof enough of that. So he takes it out on the party that isn't responsible and is convinced he needs to overcome Atsushi to prove something to Dazai.

He doesn't hate Atsushi, not genuinely. He does the same when he’s told he’ll never compare to Odasaku, someone who objectively should’ve been the weakest member due to his status. He gets angry at Dazai’s words, gets angry at himself, then takes it out on the person mentioned, rinse and repeat. I’m not sure if I’m the only one to notice, but he genuinely believed that the meaningful life Dazai gave him laid in the mafia and being useful to its cause. He has no reason to be as loyal to the mafia if he didn't think this.

Dazai’s acknowledgment means more than just appreciation for his skills and strength, it means his life meant something by striving for being the strongest. It’s not about the acknowledgment at all. Whenever he critiques and shames Atsushi for how he lives his life, it just feels like he’s unknowingly shaming himself through him without having to acknowledge his wrongs. It makes me curious about how much the acknowledgment itself even matters to him and the validation it gives him to strive for this is an excuse to keep living so what he’s doing in the mafia even matters in the end. What counts as acknowledgment to him?

He's convinced his faults are what made Dazai turn away, he just doesn’t know how to do anything to fix it and can't fix it this late into the game. What does Dazai want from him other than being stronger? When Dazai directly asks him to do something important involving Atsushi, he’s confused. He has no reason to trust him to do these missions. He’ll take the chance to prove himself once and for all, but to be included means he's being acknowledged, so what gives? The number of times he visibly self-reflects can be counted on one hand because as soon as it shows, he goes back to justify his violence and ignores his faults.

As someone whose favorite character is Akutagawa, I’m disgusted that all people can take away from him is “Akutagawa is an obsessive fanboy that deserves no sympathy because of what he did to Kyouka” or “Akutagawa is a poor, miserable man that didn’t deserve what Dazai made him into and should be absolved of responsibility because it’s all Dazai’s fault”. Both are very shallow and very harmful to perpetrate as they continue the idea that a person can only be the abused or abuser. He's both and it's okay to admit that.

Quickly let’s clear up this: He is not the way he is because of Dazai.

What Dazai IS responsible for:

Akutagawa’s need for his constant approval and recognition

Akutagawa learning to hone his ability

Akutagawa’s toxic views of being useful

The reason Akutagawa’s still alive

The reason Akutagawa is the Mafia’s dog

What Dazai is NOT responsible for:

Everything else

Akutagawa’s lean toward violence, his one-track stubborn mindset, and his lone-wolf attitude are not a product of Dazai’s treatment, he’s always been that way because of his time in the slums. He got beaten down by adults frightened of his empty gaze, had to learn to protect himself and find something to eat to survive, helped take care of his sister Gin and his friends by himself, and everyone constantly dying around him. That’s the real reason his personality is like that. He is a victim of his circumstances in a society that deemed him worthless, so he also thinks of his life as worthless. That’s why Dazai means so much to him.

Dazai did not trick him into joining the mafia, Dazai expressed what he was going to go through was worse than what happened in the slums and gave Akutagawa an out that he could live a normal life with enough money, but he knew Akutagawa would not refuse because he still needed meaning in living, just like him. Gaining enough money to get by so he and his sister could get out of the slums would do nothing for him, he already felt that his life was worthless. He has no problem throwing it away at any time, he was gonna die young regardless because of his lung disease. It has manipulative undertones, but that's how Dazai usually is with even the people he cares about.

Akutagawa knows too well that a person needs a sign, someone to tell them it’s okay to keep going, and so does Dazai. Part of Dazai’s goal is to save Akutagawa from dying and give him a reason to live like he promised that day because he sees the potential that could come from his development. I don't want to sound like a dick again, but you’d have to be dense to think Akutagawa would still be dead by the end of this arc. He isn’t sending him off to his death, Dazai doesn’t know everything.

Even if he knew Akutagawa might die there, it's better than both Atsushi and Akutagawa dying at that moment. If Akutagawa didn’t want to die for him, he wouldn’t have, he chose to save Atsushi’s life. This is why I have to defend Asagiri. Let’s reread the interview together, to make it get across already.

(Twt link)

Q: Just like how Akutagawa and Atsushi's relationship has changed, I could feel the relationship between Dazai and Akutagawa moving forward too. Is it like what Akutagawa has said in Episode 3 of Season 5, that every order he has received from Dazai so far has been "a trial", "a part of a meaningfull life"?

First, the question being asked. They’re asking Asagiri about their relationship in the present, and how it’s developed. Akutagawa is no longer thinking he was abandoned by Dazai for a new, better student like he was made him believe, that was just to rile him up and interact with Atsushi more. Instead, he realizes that he’s not supposed to work against Atsushi, he’s supposed to work with him. How he decides to go about that battle with Fukuchi and whether or not he works with Atsushi like a partner is his trial. If this was Akutagawa before he met Atsushi, he would’ve no doubt escaped or might’ve thought defeating Fukuchi would prove himself to Dazai. He's not an obstacle to his meaningful life, his quest for a meaningful life lies with Atsushi.

Asagiri responds with:

Asagiri: Needless to say, Dazai is the most qualified person in this world to help Akutagawa grow. Dazai has a vision for Akutagawa's development, and he completely understands what it takes to achieve it. We, as obsevers, can only see bits and pieces of that vision. But I can at least say that Dazai's training plan has never been wrong.

Many find this answer questionable, I was stunned reading it myself. Asagiri is not wrong at all here though, Dazai is objectively the only person in this series who can find a way to help him. Atsushi is the endpoint, but Dazai has been guiding him to this point. Dazai himself said that he was planning to team them up the moment he met Atsushi, he was still thinking of him even after all these years. There are much scarier implications than thinking that Asagiri was wrong. It's that Dazai was doing everything intentionally to get Akutagawa’s mindset where it was. He didn't mess up with Akutagawa, he just couldn't personally teach him the skills he needed and chose a different route until he found something that could.

Asagiri is not saying the abuse was morally justified, but the intention behind it was not wrong in an objective stance. Dazai would know what to do the most because of his understanding of wanting to find meaning in living. Teenage Dazai couldn’t have achieved much by himself, even if he could understand since he also could not find meaning in life. That’s why he made him hang on to his every breath of validation so he would keep his faith in Dazai long enough for him to find a solution to this dilemma. The moment in life when he found Akutagawa was not ideal and he still did what he thought he had to do for him to survive in the mafia. Without his ability, he's incredibly weak and needs to be able to defend himself. A violent person could not have made another violent person unlearn their violence.

You could say he just wanted a weapon, but that’s not it, not even close. Many of you are stuck on the part that it was a suicidal teenager that picked Akutagawa up from the slums and that no way someone like that could teach another suicidal teenager anything, so it’s “comical that Asagiri thinks as though he’s the most qualified”. You’re not wrong in some sense, but this is still incredibly intelligent, “Black Wrath of the Port Mafia”, Osamu Dazai, and not just some suicidal teenager.

He’s also no longer a teenager. Right now we’re talking of Dazai in the present who’s grown and no longer needs to be how he was in the mafia, he has Atsushi now, someone who can help Akutagawa see what’s wrong in his outlook. The only thing he could’ve done back then was to shelter Akutagawa so he wouldn’t kill himself. It's horrible, but Dazai validating where he is now would do no good for either of them and fix nothing.

Q: What kind of person is Dazai to Akutagawa?

Asagiri: Actually, at the time of "The Dark Era", Dazai already spoke very highly of Akutagawa, as someone who would "become the Mafia's strongest skill user in the not-so-distant future". He just doesn't say that in front of Akutagawa himself. The reason he doesn't say it is that Dazai has to be "the presence that continues to give meaning to life" to Akutagawa. So far, that trial has been completely successful.

None of what Asagiri brings up is new information. He doesn’t say it in front of Akutagawa not to spite him, but if he gives these praises out too freely, he loses his distant, almost god-like presence in Akutagawa and will go back to being just a lone wolf with no exceptions that will carelessly get himself killed. Without any goal, he’s lost. Just like Atsushi and the headmaster and how Atsushi hinges on proving he can do a good thing to motivate his life, Akutagawa similarly hinges on the fact that if he fails, he won’t get Dazai’s approval.

However, his death was not fully about Dazai’s approval in the way he's been preaching. In chapter 87, he mentions Dazai’s approval like always, and when they fail the first time even after trusting and working with each other as Shin Soukoku should, It hits him. What came into his head I cannot parse out at the moment, but his actions speak so much louder than any explanation we could've gotten. Of course, he's helping Atsushi escape, but what does he do for that? He used his ability on his shirt, and not just on the coat like he typically does.

It doesn't seem like a big deal at first, he could've always done that, but when was the last time he used it on something that wasn't the coat Dazai gave him? The coat means many things. His new beginning, his path in being Dazai’s student and successor (as that was also Mori’s coat), but it also conveys Dazai’s will that keeps him alive and that he's only strong with his coat. Without it, he's defenseless, so he clings to this coat the exact way he clings to those orders. It's his encouragement to keep going when Dazai isn't there. This overwhelming, suffocating responsibility, an oversized coat, is a lot to give to a kid but it's comfortable and he’ll grow into it eventually.

It was already a huge step in his development that he gave Atsushi his coat, but to use his ability not on his coat means he's making an effort to overcome his fixation and do an action unrelated to Dazai for the sake of Atsushi’s life. His whole life after the slums, everything he's ever done was with Dazai in mind. Him saving Atsushi’s life was not because he was doing what Dazai wanted him to do, that he'd finally get approval for doing It, and in turn give his life meaning before he died. When he saved Atsushi, it would give his life meaning in just that. He shouldn't let himself be defined by the past the way he criticizes Atsushi for, so he’s going to choose his meaning. I wouldn't say he's moved past Dazai yet, but he's getting there.

Dazai and Akutagawa’s relationship is not healthy in the slightest, and Dazai’s crueler actions and words against him are not right, but they’re still growing and not stagnant characters. Atsushi and Akutagawa learn from each other and that's what's pushing them to change. Nobody will pretend those past means weren’t just abuse, they were, but there's so much more to it. Like I asked with the director, was he successful? Well from what I’ve said, yes it so far has gone the way Dazai hoped for in the best-case scenario.

In the main universe at least, this is one of the better ways it could’ve gone. Beast is a different story. Teenage Dazai of the main universe was unsure of Akutagawa’s future and did only what he could’ve done at that time, but Beast Dazai does have that knowledge and he decided that it would be best for Akutagawa to not be in the mafia, instead bringing in Atsushi. It wouldn’t have been good to let him pursue his violent tendencies more than necessary in the mafia in this universe when he knew there was a better option, especially with someone like Oda, who would take the time to care for him properly.

Even if he didn’t bring him in, he still gave him the motivation to keep living for something. The prologue of Beast is a mirror to The Heartless Cur, with instead it’s a distant relationship of hate Akutagawa has for him for taking his sister. For those who argue that since Beast exists, that means Asagiri was somehow “wrong about Dazai”, but it’s still Dazai from the beginning that’s the source of this motivation. Dazai, who's still guiding him. If we’re gonna be honest, Dazai was putting their development/capabilities in speed run mode with the logic and future information he had access to prepare them for a timeline he won’t be alive for. There are many factors for what he did in Besst, but that’s not the conversation.

What does he get from helping him? Who knows, Asagiri wasn’t being cheeky when he said we only see bits and pieces of his vision. We barely have any clue what’s going through that man’s head, so don’t act like you do. He wasn’t always planning for the next Soukoku. Maybe it was a thought that came up sometimes, but he’s only met Atsushi recently. What about Akutagawa was so different from any other powerful ability-wielding orphan? Well, we’re not gonna know any time soon.

The point is that Dazai is thinking about their future, even if the abuse or manipulation makes that hard to see. Please do remember that abuse is still selfish no matter the intention, but non-selfish intentions make it all the more complicated to process. Their relationship is not misunderstood by Asagiri himself, it’s just clear to me most don’t want to face the unpleasant truth that there is more to their dynamic. When I first realized what was going on, I couldn’t help but get unnerved and awkward when someone would ask me about these two. These are both characters in the spotlight that you’re supposed to care about, but what happened between them is rotten.

You’re not supposed to pretend it didn’t happen because Dazai still contributed to who he is and it shows whenever it’s on screen. Abuse doesn’t make us stronger, don’t make it as if that’s a message that Asagiri is spreading. What happened to him motivated his development, but with Atsushi, that’s the opposite. Their circumstances are different and victims process what's happened to them in various ways. Depicting it in a form less common than usual doesn't mean the author thinks in the same way the victim does, it's just nuance at work.

I did not add Akutagawa’s attitude towards his subordinates and newer members as Dazai’s responsibility because Dazai is not the one controlling his hands when he hits Higuchi. Dazai’s mentoring contributed to his toxic views of being useful, but it’s only Akutagawa’s responsibility once he raises his hand. Instead of thinking of this in the context of the most typical abusive situation you can think of, how about this:

Your parent was raised in an abusive household, but they think they came out of it just fine and that there was nothing wrong with how they were treated. They treat you almost the same way, and all you can take away from that when you find out is, “At least it’s not as bad as it could’ve been”. You still hold anger at the standards they’re forcing you to reach, but if that’s what it takes to get that approval, then you’ll keep going anyway. Even if you get yelled at and you know you shouldn’t be treated like this, it’ll feel nice when you finally get on their good graces, right?

Then you get a new sibling, and all of that comes crumbling down. They don’t treat your sibling anywhere near the same when you were that age. Years go by and you get angrier and angrier. Why is it only you that was put to that standard? Even worse is that they treat you differently now too. You finally got to those standards, but now what is it worth? They’re so much nicer now and you want to curse them out for only changing now. Why couldn’t have had that parent from the beginning? It’s so unfair, but you can’t take it out on them because you still need them, they mean so much to you. As angry as you were, they were doing it because they cared about you in their way, you think. It was what your grandparents did to them at least. So you start treating your sibling similarly to how you were treated because you can’t take it that they didn’t experience that hardship without destroying yourself first.

Question: Are you right in what you did? Was the parent responsible for what you did to your sibling?

Nobody in their right mind would say yes to that first question. It makes sense why it happened, but continuing abuse will never be the correct answer. You’re doing the same thing your parent did. The second question needs more exposition to answer, however. How responsible is responsible?

In the end, even if it was the parent who influenced it, you’re only responsible for what you’ve done on your own accord. The parent did not tell you to take it out on your sibling, you decided that yourself. The parent is still responsible for what they’ve done to you, never get that wrong, but if you say that your guilt is absolved because it’s all their fault, you sound no different from any other abuser in denial. Are you saying now that the parent is also absolved from guilt because it’s all their parent’s fault too? Listen to yourself, You hurt someone but it’s not your fault, but the person who hurt you is also somehow not at fault? If someone came up to you and said that, you’d be fed up.

For those who do the same thing with Mori, rethink what you’re saying. Is it that painful to admit your favorite characters are at fault and that they’re changing? This comparison isn’t perfect and ignores some key factors: Dazai isn’t Akutagawa’s or Atsushi’s father and is not much older than them, the Port Mafia is a violent workplace environment and requires you to be able to navigate it a certain way, and all three of them at adults in present time. I used this comparison to be more real to earth and something a larger audience could process themselves to truly get that the emotions here are not straightforward even in a realistic situation.

Re: Portrait of a Father

Just like the prologue, in chapter 3 of the Beast light novel, Portrait of a Father is mirrored and retold in brutal upset that does not hold the hopeful bittersweetness at the end of it unlike its original. Before the present day, against all orders Dazai gave him, Atsushi attacked the orphanage on the day of his birthday. On his birthday, he would be reborn from the ashes of his past being burnt away, and kill the director inside to release himself from the fear of those memories.

It’s what he says at least.

Playing out, the director was expecting him. There might have only been one person in his mind who would’ve attacked a rundown orphanage on this scale. It frightens Atsushi after all that planning and fear of losing to the director, he could still see through him, but confusion takes hold when he’s told that he was late for his graduation.

Graduation? Atsushi is in fight or flight mode, why is he approaching him with this box? He can’t imagine it being anything other than a weapon, nothing else would make sense for this cruel monster. The director won’t give him any straight answer, just repeating words he’s heard over and over growing up here. He uses his tiger hearing to glean what could be inside.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

There’s the proof, it had to be a bomb. He needs to protect himself before anything happens or he’ll die. He’s scared, he can’t move, but he has to fight. The director opens his arms for the embrace of his child… and death, plummeted into a bloody mess on the floor. Only out of the corner of his eye, only when Atsushi stopped, he saw what was in the box. It was a watch, brand new and high-end. Happy Birthday was what was written on a sheet of paper next to it.

His last words, whispered into his ear, were words of encouragement: “Yes… just like that.”

I was not kidding when I said this was brutal. Just like in the main universe, Atsushi learns why he did what he did and can’t place any of his feelings, but overwhelmingly guilt crushes him to keep protecting people with his life rather than just fear because he killed him. He finds out much earlier about what happened with Shibusawa, and how the director protected his identity as the tiger.

The director’s intentions are draining when you let your mind wander. As we’ve established, the headmaster as a figure of hate for Atsushi is intentional on his part. He doesn’t explain anything on purpose here to probe him into killing him. He bought that watch for Atsushi as a congratulations for growing up and becoming a new independent individual.

In the split minute before Atsushi took the first swing, he said his usual, “Those who fail to protect others do not deserve to live.” I have to question now if he was so willing to die there, even encouraging him to kill him, then has it been this whole time he still can’t live with himself for what happened to his friends… or is it because he couldn’t protect Atsushi anymore? Maybe I’m overthinking it and it was just that the headmaster thought Atsushi needed to kill him to remove an obstacle in his growth as an individual, to be a necessary sacrifice for his benefit.

It's too flawed though. The director will never leave him, not after all that he's engraved into Atsushi. The watch has become not a symbol of a person who's found himself, but a child that's latched himself onto his father's cold corpse that won't ever respond, but that child would do anything to have him wake up and say "Good job, Atsushi". The director also has a clock, but can he call himself a strong individual when he hasn't let go of the past either?

Time stopped for Beast Atsushi when he picked up that watch. If he had just followed orders, none of this would’ve happened. If he isn’t his father’s child, if he doesn’t uphold his last wish, then who is he? When he’s no longer in the mafia and has time for himself to think, he wanders.

He failed in becoming someone he could be proud of, he deserved to die for that but doesn't want to be dead… because It wasn't truly about the Director, just like how it wasn't truly about Dazai’s acknowledgment or saving his sister for Akutagawa. At first, that was the motivation, it's the reasoning they keep going with, but in the end, it was to save their own life and give it purpose to validate why they're still around. If they can die like this, then it's all the same. If they have their own life in someone else’s hands, then they no longer have to be responsible for their own heavy-hearted weight.

Beast Atsushi is given neither and is taken of his reasoning, but he keeps going. Aimlessly.

Luckily, it’s not where his story ends.

He wakes up in his old orphanage, and it’s no longer the dreary place it was when he was younger. Kids laughing outside, no chains on the walls or bars blocking off the windows, and the new Orphanage Director greets him. He tells him that he will go back to being a student of the orphanage until he can become independent again, under one of Dazai’s last requests before he died.

Still, there’s one thing he needs to do. The new director takes out the watch and tells him to break it. Atsushi is distraught by this notion, but he won’t let Atsushi leave if he doesn’t. The new director has good reason, there is no point in becoming someone the past director was proud of and this is what’s holding him back. Atsushi, eventually, tells him he will not break the watch. He can’t move on just yet and this watch is still proof he’s himself, yet…

He’ll keep going and move forward, just like Akutagawa told him after he spared his life. The new director finds those words to be enough, saying he can’t leave until he finds something else to define himself with, but he can keep living here as his son. He went there to burn away his past and came out of it not able to let go of the past, but now he can redo and process it healthily with someone willing to hold him like a father should.

The Man Who Raised Dazai

Everyone who’s read Beast has questioned it: Why did Dazai in his right mind have Mori take care of an orphanage? Why did he save his life? Better yet, why is he so nice?! I have come up with some speculation on why Dazai would.

“Beast Dazai recognized this potential of change either from the multitude of universes he was able to witness or recognized it in his own considering canonverse Dazai never does anything against Mori (even if he visibly dislikes him).”

“Possibility is one thing, the why is another. It was either that he saw potential and good that could come out of this in the long run, Mori’s intelligence and expertise still proves usefulness, less dangerous for Oda in the long run if he let Mori stay there instead of the Mafia, or all three.”

(Didn’t feel like rephrase them)

We can’t know anything for sure about his decision, but I do know Mori is the type of character to sacrifice his feelings for what he thinks would logically benefit the sum, and there’s no better way to release yourself from that too-calculative responsibility than to remove yourself from it and to be in a place where you’re allowed to care for others and express yourself when there is no greater purpose than to just grow.

What happened with Yosano is undoubtedly wrong, but Mori had put away any sympathy in those situations because he needed her to do what he brought her in for. I was confused by his declaration that violence should never be used to educate children when I read it, especially out of his mouth, but now I understand. He would know with certainty that it’s not the right way to educate children, particularly because this is a Mori that hasn’t been in the dark for these past years and has grown to care for these children at the orphanage without any greater intention for them.

He’s not like the Old Director because he has no reason to think these kids would end up the way he did. They’re just kids that need someone to raise them with kindness, kindness will be what gets them through life as functional adults. Abuse has too many drawbacks to be called an optimal solution here. Is it surprising that all it took to change Mori was the kindness and salvation Dazai offered to him when he took over? Can you believe it was that simple to treat someone like a human being instead of a figure of hate?

What sticks out to me like a sore thumb is that when he’s introduced in Beast, he’s referred to as the man who raised Dazai. He is, regardless of what you think, the closest thing Dazai has to a father figure. In regards to how the fanbase speaks of their relationship, it’s hard to think that he cared about Dazai, but he did and the extent of how bad it got between them is grossly exaggerated.

As many comparisons Dazai gets with Yosano, their relationship with Mori is very different. Unlike Yosano, he did not need to be forced to do anything with psychological abuse and he did not need to be torn down to do what Mori asked him to. We don’t know what happened to him to become like this, but it wasn’t because of Mori. Yosano had light in her and a motivation to do the right thing, but Dazai didn’t. Dazai is no stranger to any violence or using violence himself even before Mori if he's this desensitized.

It’s useful that Dazai is like that when he meets him, up until it isn’t. He’s moody and actively looking to die. Mori can’t predict him that easily and Dazai can see right through him. There’s another huge difference between them though: Mori sees himself in Dazai. We don’t have enough insight in his head to make conclusive statements, but I think this is why he cared for Dazai. It’s not because he saw a child struggling that he cared, but grew some fondness because he saw a little mini-him. When he drove Dazai out of the Port Mafia, he expected him to come back and take back his vacant seat.

Eventually, Dazai will come back and realize that petty anger about someone dying is illogical in somewhere like the mafia. But because of him not being able to see through Dazai and seeing himself in him, he also expected him to eventually usurp his seat if he stayed any longer. That is why he had invited Mimic at the time he did and manipulated the situation so Oda, someone he knew Dazai cared for, would go and take care of the situation flawlessly. He’d be sacrificed and Mori could get something out of it, a Skilled Business Permit. A perfect plan… in theory, but Mori was wrong and miscalculated on many levels because of how many assumptions he made about Dazai.

First, he wouldn’t have known that it was Oda who held the words that would convince him to leave the mafia and go into the world of light. Dazai will never come back to his own volition. Second, as those panels quite literally tell you, Dazai was never planning on killing him. He saw his place in the mafia and saw that he was needed there. When Mori finally realizes his mistake with Dazai 4 years later during the Guild Arc, he can’t go back. His plan was still perfectly sound and he still got what he wanted out of it. He shouldn’t regret it, but…

Now that’s been paved out, where does wanting to save Dazai fit into this? If I had to assume, it’s the same reason he didn’t shoot Dazai for leaving his office during Dark Era. He cared about that boy, for 4 whole years he left him and his seat alone when the logical thing he should be doing was replacing him, but as much as he might’ve cared, he needed to put the mafia first. He didn’t let him die because of his use, but also because of their so-called “common destiny” in his eyes, a diamond in a rough he might’ve disposed of otherwise if he didn’t see his potential. There’s not much he could’ve done for Dazai here except keep him healthy and alive. Mori gets tons of flack for not trying to help him, but there's nothing he could've done, not in their position.

He can't cultivate his potential if there is abuse involved because there is no logical reason for him to do anything to Dazai. You guys have to stop assuming the worst when it comes to Mori, you’re missing huge character details that are right in front of you. The difference between Mori, the Boss of the Port Mafia, and Mori, the Orphanage Director is that he had time to rekindle his humanity so he’s able to care about him like a normal human being, feel guilt, and admit regret after Beast Dazai has died. Mori at most was responsible for ingraining tactical strategies and theories and molding him into the perfect Mafioso and right-hand man.

Not to say any of those aren’t a bad thing. He’s still a child and having him use his desensitized, intelligent mind to build the potential in what he could do for the mafia, it’s just that he’s responsible for very little in Dazai’s personality. The only answer I could give about Dazai being abused by Mori or being abused under the credentials that he’s a child in a violent, unsafe place is the same answer given earlier for Chuuya: in his case, not really.

Regarding this, I retract my statement about anything I’ve said about Beast Atsushi not being a victim in his time in the mafia, but I still hold my stance that he’s not the victim of the port mafia. I want to say the same thing about Beast Dazai and Atsushi that I do here, but considering he picked him up and trained him like how he trained Akutagawa, there’s a great chance Dazai emotionally abused him when you read their interactions. Not physically as that would make him too much like the headmaster, but just enough emotional distress in bringing up traumatic moments to manipulate him into doing what he needs of him.

It’s not a good relationship, but Mori wasn’t targeting Dazai in any real way like the Director and Atsushi or Dazai and Akutagawa. Unlike every other section, I have to conclude that he didn’t do anything to Dazai in that regard other than treating him like another adult when he shouldn't have. I don’t have much to say negatively about their dynamic otherwise. Just a weird, terrible son with his weird, terrible father. It’s more like someone who's taking after their mentor’s teaching and methods rather than an abuse victim echoing their abuser. This is why I don't accept the “Cycle of Abuse” as how the fandom understands it. It tells me a lot that people resort to the blame game.

I wonder what Dazai and Mori’s relationship would've looked like without any of this in the middle. Maybe something in cadence with Ranpo and Fukuzawa, but I can't help thinking that accepting Atsushi as his son in Beast instead of a student wasn't just for Atsushi’s sake. He was about to call him his student too, but immediately changed his mind. He already admitted he was helping him because of what happened to Dazai, so it can’t be a huge jump to think that in the same way this is Atsushi’s redo in building a relationship with a father figure, this is Mori’s redo to give him some atonement for the boy he failed.

A Mother’s Love

Kyouka, when we first meet her, appears as a force to be reckoned with. With skills a young girl shouldn’t have, and a demon shadowing behind, she’s a terrifying opponent. Quickly though, that appearance falls short in tragedy when the bomb Atsushi’s after is found on her own body and when he asks if she truly wants to kill... She has no answer, but her actions speak clearly. She gives him the defuser because she doesn’t want any more people to die, but the man behind the phone will not let it defuse.

So Kyouka does the next best thing to save more from dying: falling off the train with the bomb that’s about to go off. As long as she dies with it, nobody can use her and her abilities to massacre the people on the train when the bomb eventually fails to do what is necessary. Because that’s when Atsushi realizes that she cannot control her ability herself. No matter what she genuinely wants, she will never have the ability to obtain it because of this one fact. She can only be what people tell her she is.

We all know this story well, she gets saved by Atsushi and the man behind the phone is Akutagawa. Atsushi offers her the same kindness Dazai extended to him regardless of his reputation and destruction because it’d only be the right thing to do. He knows her incoming fate of eventual death for her crimes, he can’t do much, but she should at least experience normalcy this one time.

When she’s about to turn herself in, Akutagawa stops her and tells her she did her job well as a decoy for him to capture Atsushi. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s a peculiar oddness about Akutagawa here in his attitude towards Kyouka. In all logic, even though she is a strong tool to the mafia, she’s a low-level member, a disobedient one at that, and should’ve been killed on sight for her betrayal considering how quick he is to violence, but he talks as if nothing even happened. He brushes off any thought of her dying as she’s spouting nonsense and that she’s going to go back to the mafia as normal.

But then he spouts off about how she’s better off dead on the ship if she stops killing. What’s up with that? It’s not completely obvious at first, but he’s projecting his own experiences in the slums and beliefs formed from Dazai’s mentoring onto her. From his time when he wasn’t in the mafia, he tells her there’s nothing left out there for people like them, there’s only rock bottom. He can confidently say that there is nowhere that would accept her for her ability, demon snow, because it’s the same for him.

The only way her life can have value is to kill to be useful, just like any good mafia member. It’s exactly why that flashback with Dazai happens here. He’s the one who fed him these thoughts he’s lived with for these past 6 years, and what she’s been believing for 6 months. He doesn’t loathe her, he sees it as doing a favor for her. What else can a little girl who can kill be use of except to kill in her circumstances?

Contrary to popular belief, he is not her abuser and is not the same thing Dazai was to him. He neither trained her nor did we have information on their relationship to come to that conclusion. The only thing we know is that he was the one sent to pick her up by the Port Mafia. We can prove she is not the way she is because Akutagawa since Beast, well, exists. She is one of the few characters I can confidently say was a victim of the Port Mafia itself and not just a person of the Port Mafia specifically.

Akutagawa was trying to be what Dazai was to him, but he is selling a bastardized version of it to her. The person who was her Dazai was Atsushi, the same person who was given Dazai’s act of kindness. Someone who has experienced the same things Akutagawa has and is living proof that she can hope for something better.

He could see that the same revenge and lack of regard for her life in her eye was the same kind he met Dazai with. Despite that, these lessons he’s internalized have helped no one, not even himself. She can’t find meaning in something that is the root cause of her suicidal ideation. This life is unfulfilling for people like them who need meaning in life. Akutagawa doesn't realize this because he still has Dazai to be his motivational goal. That’s why he failed to help Kyouka, Dazai’s efforts would’ve been considered an utmost failure too if he wasn’t actively trying to fix that misunderstanding. Kindness is what actively saves us and helps us grow, the harm in abusive environments will only stunt us. But what happens when kindness is offered to us, but nothing comes out of it except proving us right that we’re unsavable? Then you have Kouyou.

Kouyou is the second person I could say was a victim of the Port Mafia. She has the same belief Akutagawa had about people like them being unable to be saved, so the only thing they can do is embrace it. I can’t claim she was Kyouka’s abuser either as we again don’t know enough, but that doesn’t change that her behavior is emotionally abusive, and is a much better contender than he is.

She’s doing the same thing Akutagawa was doing himself. Seeing themselves in this child and doing what she “needs” instead of what she wants. Just like him, she views this as saving her from the hands of light that will never make room for them and will ignore everything else she says. When Akutagawa is faced with her “disillusionment”, he… accepts it when she refuses his will and chooses another path, but almost kills her to spare her from that decision that would “doom” her.

Kouyou is much less accepting, opting to kill the root source of this hope itself, Atsushi, because her fondness for Kyouka prevents her from leaving her for dead. In contrast to Akutagawa’s attempt at being what gives her life meaning, Kouyou wants to stop Atsushi from being like the same man who also gave her hope that they could escape to the world of light. She can’t bear to see Kyouka go through the same realization she did far too late.

I can see what you're thinking, why am I reluctant to call either of them Kyouka’s abuser? Even if Akutagawa doesn't count, shouldn't Kouyou count because she seems to have an actual relationship with her and her effects are prevalent in Beast, the same points I mentioned to debunk accusations against him? Sure actually, but think about it like this. What the Port Mafia does have in common with real situations is that this is a community that is full of victims who refuse to process their traumatic experiences for any reason, and bring down others to their level when they don’t fit in their narrative to justify what’s happened to them.

There isn’t just one abuser weighing over you, there's this collective pressure from so many who aren't your abuser but they still contribute to your abuse with their presence itself. If Dazai wasn’t there in the mafia, would Akutagawa's situation have changed? Yes. Now if Akutagawa or Kouyou weren’t in the mafia, would Kyouka's situation have changed? Not at all. She’d have fewer examples to refer to, but she’d still be abused. If it’s easier to imagine, think of it similarly to cult mentality and how they keep you in cults. That is the reason I emphasized being a victim of the Port Mafia instead of an individual. Kouyou, Q, and Kyouka, while you can pin their main perpetrators on certain people, their overall situation doesn't change.

Now why doesn’t she just use the phone herself instead of letting people call Demon Snow for her? Wouldn’t she have more agency that way? Atsushi proposes this, but she rejects it instantly. It’s a very simple answer, it’s the same reason she can’t bear to look at it outside of when she’s forced to use it in combat. It’s her ability that killed her parents and why she was forced into this position.

It’s not hard for a little girl to believe she’s nothing more than a killing machine when she sees that night her ability would mercilessly kill her parents. She eventually caves when Kouyou points out how quick she is to vindicate violence to protect that hope she desperately wants a part of, and how she will never change. Her first mission with the Armed Detective Agency is proof in itself. Was Atsushi going to keep extending his kindness after hearing what she could only blame herself for?

Kouyou is a character I’ve seen that gets a lot of double standards compared to all of the other characters I’ve mentioned with abusive tendencies and is almost purely liked. She’s not seen as an absolute monster (The director, Mori) or controversial with one side containing pure dislike and another pure love (Akutagawa, Dazai), it’s only that she’s a well-written, sympathetic badass girl boss. It’s either because she’s a woman, that she doesn’t use an overt intimidation style, that her motives are more obvious in their emotional influences, or all of the above that she’s not treated the same.

Kouyou’s motivations are not special, as I’ve said. The only thing that differentiates them from the others is that they’re not covered by a mask of indifference. As fond as she is for her, she’s not much different from anyone else who holds the mafia up in high regard. She weaponizes her words in where they’d hurt the most so Kyouka would come with her. The entire last section of their battle sums up with her saying, “Kyouka come with me, they’ll only use you for your Ability when they get a hold of it. Even if the mafia did the same thing, at least they’ll accept you for who you truly are: a natural-born killer. You don’t have to fight anymore, I’ll protect you.”

When Atsushi finds Kyouka once again subsequently in her disappearance, she chooses to embrace her violence to help the Armed Detective Agency in this fight with the Guild. After her walk in where she used to reside, she comes the the conclusion she no longer belongs there. Against Kouyou’s wishes, she will brandish her blade for a home. That blows up in her face the moment she starts. Atsushi gets taken, and it’s just as Kouyou said would happen. If even her violence doesn’t get her wish, then what can she do besides leave herself to her fate?

As someone who’s seen another with a talent for killing walk the path of good and is on that same path himself, Dazai talks to her. He tells her about how she hasn’t gone through her entrance exam yet, how she isn’t an official member because she hasn’t proven her will or life on the line to help people she doesn’t necessarily know. Kyouka doesn’t believe she could’ve passed if that’s what it takes, but Dazai doesn’t agree with the points she’s brought up. So what if she’s killed or considered dangerous? That doesn’t make her less qualified to be a part of the Detective Agency, everyone there is from different backgrounds.

She can’t know everything, not even about herself. Nobody does, but it takes others to see more of yourself. Excelling in one area doesn’t prevent you from nurturing your potential in another. What would that make someone like Atsushi, a person who’s been her guiding figure throughout—but was never seen as anything more than a threat or a beast because of his ability before he joined them? The truth is, our lives aren’t defined by one purpose the moment we’re born, it’s only something you can make for yourself. We’re not the places we’ve been raised in, not the ideas people apply to us, and we’re especially not defined by the traumatic experiences we had no control over.

All of it accumulates the person we are today, and we can’t change that no matter how much we resent parts of our image that don’t hold up to what society deems as right, but it shouldn’t take control over what we want for ourselves. It isn’t fair for the victims who were forced into a life where they had to fend for themselves, the children who had to navigate an adult’s messed up world that didn’t have room for them to grow as kids should. Forced into a box where they stay unaware that they’ve ever left their mother’s womb, break out in fury with eyes that grew up too early—only to become lost and thrown away, or rot in that box without a single person knowing they were a breathing, living human being.

I deem abuse selfish for this very reason. Kouyou is wrong for this very reason. If she finds comfort in her reasoning, then I can’t critique her for her own choices and will have to respect her for choosing to stay in the mafia even when the old boss is dead, every abuse victim is different, but not a single person is born evil or good, in the dark or light. Not a soul has to stay in one place because they started there. It’s going to be a hard journey to truly achieve what you long for, results aren’t immediate and not everyone gets there no matter their effort, but still try. Try because it’s still worth trying, because you’re still worth more than you think.

In parallel, you can only get there as long as you’re seeking it. Too many see the Armed Detective Agency as something that will automatically save characters just by working there, but the only way it can help them is if they seek out their help themselves. The ADA is not the right place for every character, but Kyouka does want a place there. After her conversation with Dazai, she knows what she wants to do now. She will smash the drone she’s in into Moby Dick so nobody will have to die, but sacrifice her own life in the process. She’s chained to this place, but her choices aren’t.

She doesn’t have to die with regret, with this she can pass the entrance exam and become an agency member like she wanted. She made a difference for herself just by this act. It’d be a pretty melancholy arc if it ended like that, thank god we know it doesn’t end like this. When you become a full agency member, you gain more control over your ability, meaning—

She’s fine.

The exposition is over, let’s talk about Kyouka. Her arc is beautiful and the neglect to talk about her when it comes to her abuse story besides saying, “She’s the one who stopped the abuse cycle” and then nothing else is heartbreakingly superficial. She didn’t stop it, it’s impossible to, but she did break out of it. Kyouka’s section has more exposition than the others but I expected that. I wanted to save her for last because she’s the only one whose arc has come to a peaceful conclusion and not unfinished, and the lighter message felt nice to leave off on.

I shouldn’t berate Kouyou too much, the only reason she stayed in that room after being captured by the ADA is because she did want Kyouka to experience what she never had, and speaking with Dazai helped reassure her that Kyouka would be able to achieve her dreams. It’s no longer the age of the old boss. As well as her shedding the truth about her parent’s death so she wouldn’t have to resent her ability as not an avatar of massacre, but a product of her parents’ love that will always stay with her. She didn’t let go of the phone she’s had this entire time because her mother told her not to let it go.

Me going over Kouyou in this fashion is not me saying you shouldn’t love her character, I like her too. It’s just that it’s passed over so fast what she did, but somehow Akutagawa is more at fault here is mind-boggling. I’d get it a little more if this is because she redeemed herself by wanting the best for Kyouka over what was best for the mafia, but I doubt that’s the case when that moment is talked about so little as well.

I genuinely need you all to understand that not every character is going to have a satisfying, clean conclusion like this. Akutagawa’s story is most likely not going to have a conclusion that satisfies everyone and you should respect it when it comes. There’s no perfect way of writing abuse, but there’s no correct way of doing it either. I don’t think Dazai is going to have the repercussions you want him to have any time soon. If you got the message from Beast, getting revenge on an abuser doesn’t make us feel better or let us process what happened to us. Total resentment keeps us stuck.

The only thing that will heal us is the kindness so many offer in this series. You in no way need to extend that kindness to an abuser, you don’t need to forgive them or let them into your life again, but be kind to yourself and don’t let resentment prevent you from focusing on yourself. Forgiveness and reconnection are not the same thing. Don’t be angry when a victim does want those things. Unless it’s character inconsistent, that’s not something we shouldn’t have any opinion on as the right or wrong way to go about their lives. What if later they do change their mind and want something different from what they originally planned? That’s fine too. Everyone is different. Don’t give unsolicited advice to people who do not want it, let them decide for themselves. It is the best thing you can do.

The worst abusers are the ones who refuse to change and see wrong in what they’re doing, but what about the ones who do want that? Then also let them heal. They did something awful, why isn’t it a good thing they want to stop it now? You don’t have to let them in just because they changed though. Apologies don’t fix the damage already done, but to some victims, it feels nice to feel that what’s been done to them is acknowledged. You don’t want them to hurt others the way they’ve done to you, and neither do they. It hurts to let them forgive themselves when you haven’t and never will, you want to see them suffer, but that’s the only way things can change.

Dazai has changed, is he a good person even after what he’s done? I despise this question for any character of this series. He’s grown so much, and if you don’t think so, reread his conversation with Kyouka I beg of you. It is a far cry from his mindset in the mafia. A better person for sure, but a good person is hard to define for anyone in this series. The mafia is still the mafia, do any of them qualify as good people? The government, even if it’s the position of the right in society, is still an unjust system.

What a good person is cannot be an objective answer, people think there is but it’s not. A good person is how much we know about them and where our position in life affects our viewpoint. Prejudice values don’t make you correct in what you think a good person is, being convicted of a crime, one you might not even have committed, doesn’t automatically make you a bad person, being associated with a group doesn’t mean anything about who you are, etc. It’s all subjective in the end.

Meaning someone like Odasaku is essential in a story like this. He still has a presence in this narrative, even if he died in a light novel, because his existence pushes the boundaries of a “good person” in the fact his contradictory existence establishes itself. He failed in walking the path he wanted, but he doesn’t regret it even in his dying moments trying to.

Afterthoughts

The themes of morality and humanity go hand in hand with the abuse present in Bungou Stray Dogs, so it was hard avoiding talking about this when it was necessary. I don’t think it’s right of us to judge a character’s path that isn’t finished, in a story that’s nowhere near done. Ultimately, I’m only talking in a place of experience but never will it make me exempt from any personal bias. I tried to be as objective and nuanced as I could about this, and I hope it shows.

Abuse isn’t one of those things that I can analyze from any logical stand point or take resources to back my statements up about abuse. Of course everything I say can be backed up, but abuse is a personal, human matter and we’re just human being trying to figure out more than we can handle. I just couldn’t be comfortable with how people are now choosing to talk about Asagiri and needed to shed some light in what you’re missing.

Now I could’ve gone over Higuchi or Lucy because their stories also involve abuse, but I don’t think I could say anything new about them without repeating points I’ve already said. We know very little about Higuchi and what made her so devoted to Akutagawa, and Lucy is pretty quick to summarize considering her story is just like Atsushi’s. Q is also a character to be brought up but I don’t have enough information on them to say much about any abuse itself that happened.

Yosano was also an option but I don’t think anyone had any trouble understanding her backstory. Well I was only really aiming to speak about what’s not been spoken enough. Thank you for reading haha, god this thing is monstrous. Already got to 14k words by the time I was officially done…. I didn’t know if I wanted to lean into character analysis or just exposition, I hope it’s a good enough mix of both. This took way longer than the 4 days I was planning to write this in.

I was later reminded that I could do a post on how their abilities functioned and reflect on their abuse/traumatic events, but I didn’t think I’d have enough room for that here. It could be a bonus post eventually? I don’t think I did Kyouka enough justice in that aspect, but i’d just be beating myself up again about not making this perfect.

I hope I don’t come off scary or a very serious person? I’m very open to requests or discussions people want to engage in. Oh jeez, I’ll just embarrass myself if I keep talking. Writing this was a bit much, never really liked writing stuff myself. Sorry if glossed over anything, I wanted to stay on topic and not detail into something unnecessary.

The message BSD has is a pretty normal one, but there’s something very special about how it’s written here and I’m happy it exists. Maybe I shouldn’t have made this so long? But there’s so much to express sigh……

#bsd #bsd spoilers #bsd manga #bsd meta #bsd analysis #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #atsushi nakajima #dazai osamu #meta #analysis #akutagawa ryuunosuke #kyouka izumi #mori ougai #bsd beast #beast atsushi #ozaki kouyou #chuuya nakahara #SIGHHH I NEED A NAP #THIS WAS TOO MUCH EFFORT FOR ME

[theamityelf]

what do you think of aus where makoto goes through the Kamukura Project instead of hajime? i've seen a few around, but im curious about your take on the concept

Ooh, that's a good question!

For my own headcanons, I imagine, in his early days of consciousness as Izuru Kamukura (or Izuru Kamukura Iteration 2, if the Hajime version still exists in this timeline), he isn't aware of himself as a person pretty much at all. Even when the scientists talk to him, he isn't really aware that he's a person who is alive. He's really focused on them and understanding what they're saying and doing and why, but the fact that he doesn't process himself as a participant or agent in anything that happens to him means he's more witnessing the scene from a perspective of "I understand. This is a laboratory, and they're experimenting on a test subject. I wonder if their work will ever be done. They don't look happy. How do I know that? Because they hold tension in their faces. Because of the diameter of their pupils. They looked happier when they walked in than they are now. Why is that?"

(In contrast, I believe Hajime Izuru's analysis of the situation always included himself. I imagine, around this point in the Project, he saw things more like, "When *this stimulus* happens, it results in them doing *this thing* that hurts me. I have a vested interest in preventing this outcome." Makoto still experiences pain, but since he doesn't consider himself a person with agency, he just takes it as a thing that sometimes happens.)

It isn't until he's placed in a room with a two-way mirror that he sees things differently. (Similar to a thing I said about Izuru in Panel, but a little different.) He's looking at his reflection while the scientists run tests on him, and he's thinking, There are five people in this room. I only see four, until I look in the mirror. Right. The fifth one...That's the test subject. The one they're always talking to. He's bleeding. He shouldn't be; it looks like they made a mistake. Probably related to the visible signs of sleep deprivation in Dr. Sano. They shouldn't be handling the injury that way. That's not the way a normal medical practitioner treats a patient. Ow. They're very accomplished physicians; they know better than to treat someone this way and allow them to feel unnecessary pain. Ow.

And then he watches a drop of blood run down the middle of the test subject's face at the same time that he feels it happening, and it fully registers: That's right. I'm the test subject. The surreal feeling of realizing he's Someone dazes him for a second. If he's Someone, it's possible he can move. He can...talk?

"Dr. Sano?" he says, startling everyone in the room. "You usually use the polydioxanone sutures for lacerations like this. What made you choose the non-absorbable polypropylene this time? If it's related to your conversation with Dr. Fujita at your last shift, I don't find it likely that he actually felt that strongly about your work. He murmurs to himself about his family a lot; I think his frustrations about his son's grades fed into a mild complaint he had toward you."

The scientists all look at each other, because this test subject has been anomalously unresponsive, and suddenly he throws out not only a full sentence but an extremely comprehensive take on everything that's happening and everything that has happened.

They call in a bunch of other doctors to just assail him with questions, but while it's exciting that he's become responsive, they soon determine that it's easier to get a direct answer to a direct question out of him when there's fewer people to draw his attention. He doesn't treat them hierarchically, like he should. If the head doctor, in an otherwise silent room packed with lesser doctors, asks Makoto something, he might choose to ask one of the lesser doctors where his usual pocket protector is, or observe aloud that someone smells like watermelon.

Like the first Izuru Kamukura, this one is unemotional and largely unmotivated. Unlike the first Izuru Kamukura, this one doesn't resign himself to the tedium of life or live in pursuit of an end to that tedium. He just kind of lives vicariously through those who care. His thought about any given thing is, This is completely uninteresting to me, but it must matter, because someone cares about it.

(Possible scenario: "Makoto, kill that guy!"

"Okay." (starts strangling) (stops strangling) "Never mind. I think he doesn't want me to kill him."

"I know, but do it anyway."

"Why? He doesn't want me to.")

I can't stress enough how much he can't be motivated by pain or harm to himself. Unless someone else expresses that they don't want him to be hurt, it doesn't occur to him to make avoiding that a priority.

#danganronpa #makoto kamukura au #makoto naegi

[lwtkmm]

Most likely to turn into a yandere for you.

Tw : yandere behavior, stalking, murder, unhealthy obsession, abuse?

Mammon

This may sound odd but yeah Mammon will definitely turn into a yandere for you

He would turn into a yandere quickly but it will take him some time to realize this because of his tsundere behavior.

You are the only person who's so nice to him, always there for him, the only one who loves him so much.

He loves the feeling of being loved and cared for. So if anyone tries to take that feeling away, he won't hesitate to 'eliminate' that distraction.

Also being the avatar of greed, he wants you only to himself.

he'll need a lot of love and affection from you since he's never really had it.

Won't hurt you but if you try to run away, he won't be that nice .

You should ask him and only him for help, it boasts his pride.

" I told ya to stay away from Mc. They're mine and only... MINE "

Leviathan

I mean, come on, this guy is literally the avatar of envy.

Another one who'll turn into a yandere quick but he'll also be aware of what's happening to him.

One of the worst guys to have as a yandere because he's overly jealous of every freaking thing.

You looked in some other direction for a second while he was playing? he's jealous. You look like you're thinking about someone else and not him?he's jealous. You looked at a 2D character for too long? He's jealous. You answered the teacher's question? He's J-E-A-L-O-U-S.

He wants your attention all to himself and when he doesn't get that he'll guilt trip you.

" Of course you wouldn't want to stay with a yucky otaku like me "

Like Mammon, even he loves the feeling of being loved and cared for by you and as he's extremely jealous, things might get really nasty if someone tried to "take mc away from him"

Since people tend to lose their mind when angry due to jealousy, he might k!ll the person 'trying to take you away' in a very gruesome and violent way.

And if you don't listen to him, he'll drop his shy levi mask. He's one of those yanderes who'll mentally break you to think that you only need him and no one else.

He'll even go as far as harming his brothers if he thinks they're getting in his way.

Don't even exist around someone who's not him or you'll become lotan's meal.

" Mc, I'm sorry I'm covered in blood, I swear I didn't mean to gouge that demon's eyes out or haul his Intestines out . "

Belphegor

Canonically a yandere

Though his feelings won't immediately build up.

After lesson 16 incident, you usually stayed away from him.

And he swore that he didn't care, taking his usual naps.

But he started noticing how you're so nice to others and whenever he was around, you left that particular room in fear and disgust.

That bothered him. He started to interact with you but you always ignored him or ran away.

He slowly becomes desperate and that's when the yandere-ness starts to trigger.

He hates that you don't even look at him.

He wants you to only talk to him. Most likely to tie you up so you can't leave since he's mostly napping.

Might cast a spell on you if you're not drowsy enough to take a nap with you.

Belphegor will most likely manipulate and gaslight you to think that the others around you want to hurt you and he's the only one who cares about you .

He'll make sure that in the future you only look at him and no one else.

He wants you totally at his mercy. He won't hurt you physically ( maybe he will) but he'll break you mentally.

Another guy who'll get really violent and messy while dealing with 'distractions'

Another guy you wouldn't want as a yandere

" Hah... You think they care about you? The only one who cares about you is me. And only ME. "

Barbatos

Idk how do I explain this but barbatos would most likely turn into a yandere for you.

He might even already know that something like that would happen, thanks to his powers.

So he would try and stay away from you

But the sad look on your face whenever he turns you down.

Or the smile on your face when you talk to others. The smile that should have been only his to see.

He slowly gives in to his feelings.

He's never had someone who he loves romantically so yeah you're not escaping him anytime soon.

Invites you to the castle for tea often and tries to make you stay there for as long as possible.

He's definitely jealous of how close you're with Diavolo.

You start noticing that your friends at RAD are slowly "disappearing" . Even Diavolo and Lucifer can't seem to figure out why the students are so suddenly disappearing.

And surprisingly Barbatos' "secret torture room" is more active than usual lately

And one day when you're invited over for tea, you suddenly wake up to find yourself tied to a chair with Barbatos looking at you lovingly.

And he's scary so you'll definitely not try to run away (unless you're into pain)

He'd even go as far as defying Diavolo and using his powers to choose a suitable reality to live in.

" I apologize my love, but I had no choice. I'll make sure that the ropes don't hurt you much. "

Solomon

Idk how to explain this either .

But i can see him as a yandere.

He's had so many lovers and they all died, he's afraid to fall in love with someone else.

He shielded his heart so much but that's until you come along, he couldn't help but fall in love with you.

He's even forgotten the names of his past lovers but you're different, you make him feel desperate to have you.

And since he knows that you're a mortal and he's not, he can't help but feel protective and obsessive over you... To the point where it's unhealthy.

Will use the excuse of teaching you to spend more time with you.

He wants you to spend every moment with him since you "don't have much time".

He hates how you spend so much time with the demons. Come on Mc, he's the only Human there other than you, you should spend more time with HIM not THEM.

He's kind of stalkerish, has stolen your clothes, has his wall covered in your pictures.

The only one who'll actually tell you his feelings since he can't stand seeing the brothers with you.

If you refuse then he'll definitely kidnap you.

He'll probably cast a spell on you that'll make you love him.

Demons at RAD that try to get close to you will become his experiment test subjects.

Will definitely try to make you immortal.

" Don't worry, darling... I'll make sure you'll be mine.. Forever "

#obey me #obey me mc #obey me yandere #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #obey me belphegor #obey me barbatos #obey me solomon #yandere mammon #yandere leviathan #yandere belphie #yandere belphegor #yandere barbatos #yandere solomon #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me diavolo #obey me simeon #obey me luke #yandere

[foolforharrry]

Cactus Mug - Harry Styles Oneshot

Summary: After being away from each other for so long while Harry is on tour, y/n finally decides to go surprise Harry.

2.5k words

Any support is very appreciated. And if you have any requests feel free to send an ask, comment or a direct message

Also let me know if you guys want a part 2

Here's my masterlist if you want to check out more of my stuff

Harry has been on tour for months now. Waking up to a cold bed alone every day is something he’s made known he absolutely despises. As much as he loves performing in front of his fans every night, touring can get lonely. And some days are harder than others.

Today has been one of those days.

The first thing I did when I opened my eyes was to check my phone for a text message from Harry. 

And like almost every single morning, there it was. The notification bubble with his contact name in.

H: Missing you extra tonight. I can’t wait to finally kiss you and have you in my arms again. This house doesn’t really feel like a home without you. So I might have tried out that new recipe you sent me the other day. The mushroom risotto. Not sure where I went wrong, but it didn’t taste very good. So you’ll have to show me how to make it when you get here. Only one more week, yeah? Goodnight, my love.

Reading it, all I could think about was the disappointed frown he must’ve had on his face when he realised that he had messed up the food. Knowing him, he would have eaten as much of it as he could stomach.

It was then I decided to call my boss and ask her if there was any chance that I could work from home. I wasn’t 100% sure if she would grant it, but she must’ve heard the desperation in my voice and decided to show me mercy. 

Before Harry, I’d never seen myself as someone who would be able to be in a long-distance relationship. In the past when situations where a relationship would’ve become long distance, I was always the one to end it, not being able to stand being away from the person for that long.

But with Harry it was different. With him, it’s worth it.

That doesn’t mean I’m not counting down the days until we can be together again from the minute he leaves.

Which is why I didn’t think the flight through enough and ended up having to sprint through the airport to make it to my gate in order to not miss my flight, knowing I definitely forgot to pack something I’m going to need but it’s too late to worry about that now.

The second I’m squeezed between a teenage girl and a middle-aged man on the plane at 12:05 pm, I fish my phone out of my pocket again with hands shaky from excitement and nerves. Both over seeing Harry again and the sneaky element of flying to him without him knowing I am.

Me: Morning, Angel. I’ve got a really busy day at work today, so I’m sorry if I don’t get back to you before late. And of course, I’ll teach you how to make it (what would you do without me?). I love you higher than the sky xx

I’m hoping he won’t ask me any questions about what I’m going to be so busy with since I’m a horrible liar, especially under stress. 

My prayers are answered when his reply comes almost immediately. The text message attached to a photo of his sleep-puffed face with his eyes closed, pink lips puckered and his hair wild and curly from sleep.

H: Sending all my love and kisses to you baby. Good luck with your day. If you’re not too tired when you get home, we could facetime? I miss your voice so much.

Me: It’ll be nice to see your face again. I miss it.

H: If you miss it too much you can always just look at your lock screen, you know.

Me: Yes. This solves all of my problems! Bye now, my love.

I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from smiling like a psychopath as I type out one last text message and attach a photo I know will hurt his ego a bit before I set my phone to flight mode.

There hasn’t gone a week since the photo was taken where I haven’t reminded him of its existence. If I can’t share it with anyone else, I’m gonna share it with him.

It was taken almost a year ago in the hotel room we were staying in. Harry had demanded that I take a photo of him with his new cactus mug. The mug was adorable and literally looked like a cactus. He had been posing by the sofa when he forgot that tea is hot. The sip of tea he’d just taken had been sent flying everywhere as well as all the tea that was still inside the mug. 

I thank the lucky stars every day for live photos.

While he had been panicking about burning his tongue, he had ended up dropping the mug to the floor. Something he says he’s still upset over.

So last week, when I saw a mug almost identical to the one he broke, I had to buy it for him. It’s safely tucked in my bag. My favourite hoodie of Harry’s is wrapped around it to keep it from breaking. Hopefully.

“You need to put your seatbelt on, miss.”

The polite voice snaps me out of my thought, turning my head to look at the flight attendant. It takes me a second to comprehend, what she says, but when I do I thank her quickly, offering her a small smile before fastening my seatbelt.

When I’m secured, I plug my wired AirPods in, and try my best to get comfortable for the six-hour flight ahead of me

-

I’ve never really been a fan of flying. 

The idea of being crammed in a metal box with a bunch of strangers high up in the clouds for a longer period of time just never appealed to me. Especially not with the occasional screaming baby.

But this might have been one of the least uncomfortable flights I’ve ever taken.

Sleeping for most of it might have a lot to do with it, but oh well.

I’m not gonna lie and say that it wasn’t a relief to finally exit the plane and stand in a building that doesn’t lift off the ground either.

However, that relief doesn’t even get close to the feeling when I finally lay eyes on my final destination.

When the driver finally stops the car, I’m quick to pay before I’m hauling myself and my bag out of the cab while thanking him over my shoulder. He drives off immediately, leaving me alone in front of the house I’m starting to think is empty.

The lights are all turned off and Harry’s car isn’t parked in its usual spot. He only ever parks it in the garage when he’s leaving LA.

A bit defeated, I take my keychain out of the outer pocket of my bag as I step up the few stairs leading to the front door. Finally, after fiddling with it for way too long, I find the right key.

Like I thought, the house is empty. There is no music playing anywhere. The TV is off and there is no sign of life as I drop my bag by the staircase. 

Still, just the faint smell of him feels like a warm, much-needed hug.

Not wanting to spoil the surprise, but also wanting to know what he’s up to, I get my phone out of my back pocket and dial Harry’s number on my way up the stairs to the second floor.

He picks up before I’ve reached the top.

“Hi, love.”, Harry’s voice has a smile forming on my face within seconds.

I stop in my tracks, willing my heart to slow down again half convinced he’s able to hear it through the phone from how hard it’s beating. Even after all this time, just hearing his voice makes my stomach fill with butterflies. “Hi, baby. I only have a second. But i wanted to hear your voice. what are you up to?”

That’s a good lie, right? 

“I’m on my way to the shop right now. I was craving grapes. Are you ok, though? You sound a little out of breath.” 

“I just ran up the stairs.” Not a complete lie. “But anyways. I have to go again.”

“Already?”, he asks, his voice sounding sad. 

“I’m sorry, my love.” I genuinely am. “But hey. We’ll see each other so soon, yeah? Can’t wait to see you.”

He hums, “One more week.”

After saying goodbye, I hang up, doing some quick calculations in my head that I do have time to shower the icky feeling of flying off me before he gets back home from the store if I’m fast.

Not wasting any time, I speed walk to our bedroom, making a beeline for Harry’s side of the closet so I can grab one of his hoodies. I settle on a pastel yellow one with a big kawaii drawing of a pug on the front before shuffling to grab a pair of grey sweatpants and some underwear from my own side of the closet.

Since I’m not entirely sure exactly how much time I have before Harry is going to be back home, I decide against music. I can’t let myself get carried away and take too long.

But before I strip out of my clothes and hop in the shower, I run downstairs, pull the cactus mug out of my bag and set it on top of the kitchen island next to the plain black one with a used tea bag that was already left there.

Just in case.

As much as I love our home in New York, it just hasn’t felt the same while he’s been away. The only mess in the apartment was made by me and me alone.

And I’m not gonna lie and say that I haven’t missed the way Harry always leaves a mess behind throughout the week. Whether that be a towel on the floor or a heap of clothes left slung over a chair. Or the way he would vow to get better at tidying up after himself every Sunday only to never follow through on it.

So seeing all the different products and stuff scattered all over the dark grey bathroom countertops brings me a sense of peace I didn’t know that I needed.

I make quick work of my shower, even turning the water off while washing my hair and body to force myself to be more efficient. But even with that, I wasn’t fast enough.

While in the process of pulling the soft hoodie over my head, my breath gets caught in my throat when I hear footsteps just outside the bathroom door.

They’re very quiet. Almost as if the person is trying to keep themselves from anyone hearing them. I wouldn’t even have caught them if it weren’t for the fact that I didn’t close the door all the way.

“Fuck.”, I curse, scrambling to loop my arms through the sleeves just as the door swings open fully to reveal a sight that has me torn between whether to laugh or cry from pure happiness.

Harry is holding a frying pan up in defence, clutching it with both hands as if his life depends on it. And I can’t decide whether he looks terrified or surprised.

I clear my throat, not even caring about the whole plan I had been ruined. “You just gonna stand there, Rapunzel?”

One second later and he’s dropped the frying pan, the sound of it clattering to the ground echoes around the bathroom. But I don’t get to even look at it for more than just a moment before I’m engulfed in one of the tightest hugs I’ve ever gotten.

Harry’s arms go around my waist, burying his face in my neck when I hug him back. I have to stand on my tippy toes to loop my arms around his neck, feeling my eyes start to well up with tears. It’s only now that I’m back in his arms, feeling his chest move with every breath he takes and the puffs of air fanning out over the soft skin of my neck with each exhale.

He’s so freaking warm too. Not just physically. But just the feel of being close enough to smell his cologne and the faint remnants of his body wash makes a warmth spread through my whole body. It’s like taking a sip of hot tea when you’re freezing cold. The heat slowly expanded from my heart to my fingertips.

It feels like home.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”, Harry mumbles, forcing a choked chuckle from me as I hug him tighter. “I can always go back to New York if you don’t want me here.”, I joke without meaning it one bit. You’d have to knock me out and drag me along the floor for me to leave.

Pulling back enough to look me in the eye, Harry takes my face in his hands, “If you even think about leaving me alone again, I’m going to follow you. And then when I’ve caught you. I’m gonna throw tomatoes at you.”

The more he speaks, the more he squishes my cheeks, making my words partly slurred which only makes it that much harder to keep a straight face. “What if I want you to throw tomatoes at me?”

He tilts his head to the side with a chuckle, dimples indenting his cheeks. His green eyes look like they’re sparkling from the way the light reflects in them and blush has painted his cheeks pink.

“You’re fucking impossible, you know.”, he breathes out with a laugh.

I run my fingers through his hair, getting distracted momentarily by how soft his curls are. “You still love me, right?”

Instead of answering me with words, Harry ducks down, pressing his lips against mine in a way that has me losing my breath as my eyelids fall shut.

The way he kisses me turns me into putty in his arms. Both from how gently his hands hold my face to how soft his lips are as he mumbles ‘I love you' against my lips between kisses until I’m giggling too much to kiss him back and he just starts peppering kisses all over my face.

I tug lightly on his hair to get pull his face back a bit when I hear a sniffle, frowning when I see his eyes watery with unshed tears. the tip of his nose is a bit red and his lips turned into a pout.

It’s when I ask him what’s wrong, a single tear starts rolling down his cheek quickly followed by another.

Harry blinks rapidly, looking up at the ceiling as he sniffles again but doesn’t tell me why he’s crying.

Wiping his tears away with my thumbs, I kiss his moist cheek tenderly, toying with the curls at the nape of his neck. “Tell me what’s wrong, Angel.”

“I just missed you.”, Harry sniffles. “They’re happy tears though.”

“I missed you too.”, I admit. Whispering it to him as if I haven’t told him that I miss him every day we’ve been apart.

“Now really. How are you here, baby?”, Harry asks seriously, sliding his hands from my face down my neck. “I thought you couldn’t get away from work for another week.”

“Well.”, I start, already feeling my cheeks heat up, “Asking your boss very nicely with a drop of desperation seems to work wonders.”

Harry smirks, “Desperation huh?” Even his chest puffs in pride.

“I had to give you your belated birthday present.”, I explain to him, feeling giddy as I remember the genius purchase I made.

“My birthday is in February, love.”

I roll my eyes at him, grabbing his hand before dragging him with me. Careful to step over the pan he dropped.

“Where are we going?”, Harry asks. He still laces our fingers together, giving my hand a squeeze. It might as well have been my heart he had his hand wrapped around with the jump it made at the gesture.

“To get you your present.”

-

#harry #harry smut #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles blurb #harry styles fluff #harry styles masterlist #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles smut #harry styles #one direction #fanfiction #masterlist #harry styles concept #harry love on tour #love on tour

[taintedbenevolence]

Yandere! Gojo Satoru x fem! reader | Yandere! Inumaki Toge x fem! reader

! MINORS DNI !

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄             𝔾𝕆𝕁𝕆 𝕊𝔸𝕋𝕆ℝ𝕌 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕀ℕ𝕌𝕄𝔸𝕂𝕀 𝕋𝕆𝔾𝔼 𝕩 𝕗𝕖𝕞!𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣                   ( INDIVIDUAL PAIRING PER CHARACTER )

𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐆𝐎𝐑𝐘            ℍ𝔼𝔸𝔻ℂ𝔸ℕ𝕆ℕ𝕊

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ( + HEAVILY IMPLIED NSFW FOR GOJO ) 𝕀𝕄ℙ𝕃𝕀𝔼𝔻 𝕊𝕋𝔸𝕃𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾, 𝕄𝕌ℝ𝔻𝔼ℝ, 𝕂𝕀𝔻ℕ𝔸ℙℙ𝕀ℕ𝔾, ℕ𝕆ℕ-ℂ𝕆ℕ 𝔸𝔽𝔽𝔼ℂ𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ, 𝔻ℝ𝕌𝔾𝔾𝕀ℕ𝔾, 𝕄𝔸ℕ𝕀ℙ𝕌𝕃𝔸𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ, 𝕌ℕℍ𝔼𝔸𝕃𝕋ℍ𝕐 𝔹𝔼ℍ𝔸𝕍𝕀𝕆ℝ

GOJO SATORU

- ENTP - 28 y/o - He/him - December 7 - Jealous + Clingy + Self-indulgent Yandere

Gojo.. is a complicated one. By this I mean he isn't easy to pin down as a yandere type in itself. He has several traits that lead to different yandere categorizations, but I think that the best way to categorize him is as a jealous, clingy, and self-indulgent yandere.

JEALOUS - FIERCELY PROTECTIVE OR VIGILANT OF ONE'S RIGHTS OR POSSESSIONS

CLINGY - TO ACT NEEDY, DEPENDENT, JEALOUS, AND/OR OBSESSIVE

SELF-INDULGENT - EXCESSIVE OR UNRESTRAINED GRATIFICATION OF ONE'S OWN APPETITES, DESIRES, OR WHIMS

Gojo is generally someone charismatic with an open persona. He's the type of person who can either get along with everyone or be an asshole. Or both, even. That's just the type of person Gojo is, really.

However, when it comes to you, his energy goes out of bounds. He's someone very cheerful whose charisma will know no bounds when with you. He'll talk to you whenever he can, visit you whenever he can, shower you with random, spontaneous gifts whenever he can, and they might not even have the sender written on them.

It's on a degree, affectionate and cute, and also a little bit off-putting. He'll be all over you, asking you all sorts of questions.

How have you been? What have you been doing? What's your favorite time of the day? Why were you not at home at the usual time? With whom have you been spending time with? Do you like anyone in some sort of way? Do you love anyone? Do you love me?Do you hate me?

It's all sweet, but he's genuinely trying to catch your attention. Please, darling, can't you spare a second of your busy schedule and pay attention to him?

Will he have to fight for your attention and start removing any sort of obstacles that may be interfering, or will you finally look at him?

He's going to be stalking you anyways, so why bother trying ignore him?

Gojo's advances are paced and quick. He makes it clear from the start that he likes being around you and would not hesitate to be with you should he be granted the chance. If you're interested in him, that makes it all the better, and you're definitely in for some fun and a wild ride.

He'll show you all sorts of good and crazy things that come with being in a relationship with him. This may range from going on random trips to faraway places all the way to a nice cuddling moment during morning hours or late evening.

If you don't really like him, though, he won't care. You don't love him? He'll take it as a challenge, one that he welcomes entirely. He'll spend his time trying to charm his way to your heart, doing small favors all the way to more direct approaches to his intent.

When (and if) he sees that his attempts have not worked, he'll start to assume things. Are you with someone else? Is that why you don't want to be with him? Seriously, what does anyone else have that he doesn't? He could do so much better than whoever you're with.

Or maybe, you just are in denial. You're in denial, and you say you don't love him but you really do. How endearing! It's fine darling, just tell him! He won't judge you. He'll love you, hold you, protect you, care for you, what's there to lose?

He's going to push your every and individual button until you really show him what you feel. When he sees that all his doubts of why you're avoiding his advances are cleared and nothing works, he resorts to the worst.

Kidnapping you.

He has several ways of doing this. He could either right away nab you to his place and tie you up, or just knock you out. He could also just use a chloroform rag if he's feeling particularly lazy that day, but it might not be entirely efficient should you fight back and have good reflexes on how to act (it'd be a waste of resources and money).

He'll most likely just wait until you fall asleep, then take you quickly enough to his place, and if you still happen to be asleep, he'll tie you up, probably to a bed so you'll be comfortable, and place a blindfold around your head so that you can't see, and then place a rag on your mouth. It won't be deep enough to choke you, but it's just a cloth to make sure that if you scream, you won't be heard by anyone but him.

The second you wake up, you'll see nothing. Your first instinct then, is to scream, and then you'll hear Gojo's voice sounding again as he walks closer to you. He expected you to wake up later, but he doesn't mind this at all. He welcomes the surprise.

He takes off your blindfold, and for the first time in a while, you see him without his own, your eyes meeting his vibrant, blue hues. They're rather beautiful, and he knows that as enchanting as they are, they're also rather off-putting in this situation.

He'll hold you, whisper sweet nothings in your ear as he cuddles you, not really caring about how scared you might feel. He'll try to assure you that everything's fine and that you're safe here with him, but your mind and heart tell you otherwise.

Oh, and don't even dream about escaping. It's impossible. And even if you do somehow manage to escape, the second you leave, he'll know, and before you know it, you'll be back with even more restraints. It would take him less than five minutes to locate you. Whatever privileges you had before, you've lost them, and now you're trapped inside infinitely.

He's not really happy you tried to escape, but at the same time, it amuses him that you thought you could escape. He toys with the idea of a cat-and-mouse chase. He'd love to chase you down for the mere fun of it. He'd even have his usual, relaxed smile while he does it.

Now, what really pisses him off is if you reject any and all sorts of affection he tries to offer you. You try to get out of cuddling? Maybe he accepts it the first time, you're still getting used to this after all. He can understand that. Wipe off his kisses? Please, don't do that. He's trying. Avoid his gaze and look anywhere but him? Keep quiet and don't say a single word no matter what?

What the fuck is your problem?

He's not happy. Come on, can't you comply just once?

He's trying to understand just why it is you're acting in such a way. He can't comprehend why you would be like this, and he's not satisfied with it at all. He wants to know how to deal with it. And a behavior like this would require punishment.

Gojo isn't necessarily lenient. He might just starve you, or leave you alone entirely for days on end until he knows that you won't be able to stand it. He's going to drive you to tipping insanity until you become more and more dependent on him.

"Go on, darling. Beg.                 Beg me. Beg me to stay. Beg for my love."

That sweet act he had that he needed you? Please. You're the one who needs him. He wants you to be dependent on him, to depend on him for your needs.

Normally, this is supposed to be something healthy if balanced equally on both ends, but he takes it to the extreme, making it something unhealthy rather than helpful. He wants you solely depend on him for everything. He loves how helpless he can make you.

This will also show during more intimate aspects of your love life. Whenever he's holding you tight, his digits moving inside of you at a sufficient pace, he'll whisper words coated in honey as to wash you away in a fantasy. He'll fuck you through and through, and all while he holds you tight, smothering you in kisses.

In this moment, he wants this to be something special. He doesn't want you thinking about anything else other than him while he fills you up. He'll comfort you, straddle you, and hold you, whispering alluring and sweet words as the night passes by unending. This is meant to be something special, and he'll make it special.

After all, you're his, aren't you?

"That's right, darling..             there's no need to worry about anything else.                    I'm right here. I'm all you need to think about."

TOGE INUMAKI

- INTP - 17 y/o - He/him - October 23 - Caring + Protective Yandere

Much like Gojo, I had a hard time pinpointing what kind of yandere Inumaki would be. However, it was slightly more difficult than Gojo. It's not because he matches for several types, rather, I couldn't find any category to fully (and accurately) represent him. I decided to categorize him as a caring and overprotective yandere, given it's what I thought would fit best.

"Inumaki is a Cursed Speech user. He speaks in                     rice ball ingredients to not curse others."

Inumaki doesn't fall easily. He's not like some yandere types that tend to fall head over heels at first sight of their darling. It will take him time before he falls in love. This is to say, he'll become friends first, then develop interest, and then try to figure out how to deal with his feelings like a normal person.

The only small detail is that the more he grows attached to you, or the more time he spends with you, a small feeling to protect you grows too. It's not that he views you as weak either. He just thinks that he should be there to help protect you. A matter of concern for your well-being, the way he sees it.

And contrary to what most would think, Inumaki's an easy yandere to navigate and deal with should you not make any wrong moves. It could well turn out to be a relatively functional relationship so long as it's done well. To detail further, once Inumaki assesses his feelings for you, he'll realize it's not just love he's feeling, it's also obsession.

He'll know it's not exactly healthy, but will still try to show it in a healthy manner, as to not scare you off. When it comes to confessing, he'll most likely just write you a letter. He won't do it in person, unless he's confronted about his feelings directly by you, to which he'll then attempt to answer.

Something to note; Inumaki, regardless of your answer, is still protective of you and cares for you. His Yandere typing Caring and Overprotective show particularly when he believes that you're around a bad influence. He won't try to manipulate you into thinking that true friends you have are bad people, nor will he turn others against you so that you're all his, because he knows just how hard it is to have other people to truly care for you and have your back.

He cares for you very strongly, and thereby, grows incredibly protective of you when he thinks you're doing something irrational that could harm you or be detrimental to your health. This could be hanging around people that could hurt you, overworking yourself, unhealthy coping mechanisms and/or habits.

He's going to be there to offer you solutions to your problems, even if he's not exactly the best at communicating or showing that he does care and feel concern for you. He'll be there to help you out, if it makes you feel any better.

As for confessions...

If you reject how he feels, he's definitely going to feel heartbroken, but he'll get over that glum sentiment relatively quickly. After that, his obsession, instead of going away, grows more than his love for you, and starts to affect him more than before.

If you accept how he feels, it will work out better, and while it's certainly going to take a while to be able to learn how to communicate fluently with a lack of words, it will actually be a rather sweet relationship that ought to last.

When it comes to acting on his obsession, Inumaki would not exactly... kill for you, but he would most certainly fight for you, much like Itadori. Inumaki is not "willing to kill," because it goes against what he does for a living, and it's a waste of his time. Rather, cursing the person and then exorcising them is more in his favor, because it amounts to the masses of curses he already exorcises regularly.

Inumaki would try to convince you to stay with him if you ever realize that he's more deranged than he lets on. If it doesn't work, he'll use Cursed Speech, as much as he wishes not to. Just the words "Don't leave," are enough for you to freeze in your tracks. And from that point an on, you realize that whatever relationship you have him with him is not a colorful daydream.

He's kind, yes, but he's not exactly willing to let you leave either. He still does want you, after all, and even if you don't exactly love him back, he won't let you go. He will use his Cursed Speech to his advantage, even if his original plan was to not coerce you into this.

However, if push comes to shove... he'll do it anyways. He's willing to put his feelings of care and concern aside to achieve his goal if it means keeping you to himself. He's not against putting you in your place if it means he'll get to keep you within range.

Don't get the wrong idea; Inumaki wants what's best for you. He wants the two of you to have a functional, healthy relationship that can lead to a wonderful life, though that by now is much more like a dream-like delusion rather than a reality. He just hopes you can see that. He doesn't want to hurt you. But he also doesn't want to lose you.

Unlike other yandere types who say "I want what's best for you," for nothing more than a source for manipulation, Inumaki says such a statement truthfully and as a lie, so both as reassurance and manipulation. He uses it in both ways, depending which turns to his advantage.

This would, preferably, lead you to slightly become a bit more trusting of him. The way he views it, the more trust he gains from you, the better and easier it will be to have you believe his side of the story when it comes to explaining more serious matters regarding his feelings. And given his inability to actually speak in fluent, whole sentences normally without cursing others, it gives him a bigger opportunity to have you try and understand and open up to him.

Now, in the case that you don't want to be with him and you try to escape him? Inumaki won't take it lightly. He's not the type to take you back immediately as soon as he spots you, though. He observes you for a while. He lets you believe you've gotten away for a long while. He'll entertain this fake fantasy you have of being able to run away from him.

Even if he hates the mere idea of it.

He'll see that you're "happy" and running about, doing your usual, and meanwhile, he's just been preparing a perfect way to ensure you won't run away when he captures you. Last time, he just had you in his room, but maybe now, he'll have to strap you to a chair with ropes and other restraints to restrict you furthermore.

It won't even stop there, and all that he's done in the few days he's been tracking you after your "successful" escape. Maybe around three days, once you're back at your own room or house, he'll shut off the power and take you back.

You'll hear footsteps, and right before you manage to run again, you'll be hearing that chilling, cold voice that you thought you'd lost again; a simple command that'll keep you right in place.

"Don't move."

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[thepervymermaid]

Hi! w do u think of Rook Hunt from twst being a yandere? do u think he is a submissive, dominant or versatile? I am sure of is that he is the delusional and adoring malewife yandere type lol. I would like to read you!

Warning(s): Yandere themes, voyeurism, stalking, violence (mentioned)

Finally, some rook appreciation! He has too much yandere potential to be ignored this much. >:(

Let’s face it, even in canon he already has the potential to be a yandere. The hunting, stalking, constantly observing, and praising - and that’s just him being normal. Can you imagine what he’s like as an actual Yandere? Dudes, a menace.

He’s a more subservient yandere to a degree. Frankly, he’s not going to listen to you if you tell him to leave you alone, or to stop bothering you, because why would he? He’s addicted to watching you’re every move, and he’d hate to miss you even for a second. You might see less of him for a while, but I assure you he is still watching you very closely, if not closer because now he can’t interact with you. How’s he supposed to function without his daily dose of you?

However, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get excited when you tell him off or get aggressive towards him. While he doesn’t purposely try to provoke you into hurting him, he won’t try to defend himself when you catch him doing something nefarious. You want to smack him because he was waiting for you in your dorm room after classes, he’ll bare his face to you so you have a better target. Your insults only send shivers down his spine, complimenting you on the fierce you direct towards him. It probably makes you more angry than anything else.

He has some nasty habits too. Unlike other yandere, who might set up cameras around you, he wishes to always watch you in person. Whenever you feel like you’re being watched, it’s because you are. It’s Rook. He can’t help himself. Your sleeping face and undressing are his favorite times to observe. You’re so innocent, so unaware there’s an audience, it's adorable to him.

Even if you were to accept him, and not rightfully reject his advances his creepiness wouldn’t go away. In fact, it would probably get a little worse, because now you’re willingly his… which means you must be okay with his possessive behavior, non?

Accepting him means accepting his gifts to you covered in the blood of who knows who, not questioning him when he gives you a literal heart (whether it’s from your enemies or not is unknown), not protesting when you see him watching you from outside your room, and taking every single compliment he gives you no matter how increasingly violent, graphic, or downright disturbing they become. That’s if you accept him of course.

If you continue to resist him, that’s okay… he’s a very patient man. He has no probably watching and waiting for you to give in to his feelings. After all, he’s used to hunting difficult prey. 

#yandere #yandere male #yandere twst #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #yandere rook hunt #yandere rook x reader

[themodernwitchsguide]

working with pendulums

now, theoretically pendulums could be anything, however I recommend something uniform (ish) in shape and fairly weighty. you need to be able to discern when your pendulum is just moving because of the wind, and when it's moving to tell you something. some good examples are crystals, raw or cut, and metal. look out for resin and glass dupes as these do not work as well

i've seen a few theories on how pendulums work, whether they have their own spiritual energy to move themselves or if they can stimulate your muscles just subtly enough to move them in the right directions. either way, don't worry too much about your own interference here. more often than not, you'll be able to tell when they're moving on their own and when it's just shaky hands/wind

HOW TO START

first of all, find a pendulum that speaks to you. then ask it if it's willing to work with you

second, i usually like to cleanse my pendulums, but not too hardcore. just some salt, selenite or herbs will do the trick here, we're looking to wash other people's hands off here, not the actual spirit of the thing

then, when you first start speaking with your pendulum, you want to tackle the conversations with something in between a "you work for me" and "you work with me" vibe. still ask permission before someone else touches it, before you take pictures, etc. i've even known people to ask before using them at all. whatever you think is right

it's also important to get to know your pendulum. what direction is yes? what direction is no? not all pendulums swing the same way. additionally, most pendulums i've met have name and pronoun preferences, so suggest whatever calls to you and then ask if they like it

DECIDE THEIR PURPOSE

i've known people to use pendulums for a variety of things. some examples include:

-assistance with tarot

-regular divination (answering the yes/no questions you ask)

-connection to a god (this is what I do)

-talking with spirits (see image below for an alphabet chart)

-and in the darkest of times, it's nice to just to have a friend

again, it's very important you talk to your pendulums before you decide because sometimes they don't wanna be tied down

HOW TO INCORPORATE A PENDULUM INTO YOUR PRACTICE

in tarot:

1) after shuffling, separate your deck into a number of piles, have your pendulum choose which pile you should read from (this is especially useful for very broad or general readings)

2) after shuffling, lay out a series of individual cards that you feel drawn to. then have your pendulum choose individual cards (this is especially useful if you're doing a reading for someone else, since you can have the recipient hold the pendulum that chooses the cards)

with deity work:

1) have them represent an altar or space dedicated to your deity. this might not serve any practical use, but a guardian for an altar is never a bad thing

2) dedicate it to a deity and attempt communication with them. this can be iffy for some people, depending on your beliefs. in my eyes, a god does not have to be one corporeal being, having to dedicate their singular consciousness to a singular task as a human does. gods are multifaceted, primordial beings that have fingers in many different pots, so to speak. therefore, it is not outside the realm of possibility to communicate with a deity in this way, since moving a pendulum to say yes or no isn't all that deeply personal. REMEMBER, if you do this, the pendulum's spirit is still there, and you are more than capable of separating a pendulum from a deity or communicating with the two separately OR harming the pendulum while trying some risky business with a deity

WHAT TO DO WITH THEM IN THE MEAN TIME

when i'm not using them, i like to keep my pendulums hung up on my altar space, overlooking my room. however, i DO NOT keep them in direct sun because the crystals will fade with exposure to UV. sometimes i'll bring them out to the window during a full moon though

some other ideas would be:

-in a window that doesn't receive much direct sunlight

-in mesh baggies (so they don't get tangled or lost) on your altar

-hung on a wall, thumbtacks are useful for this

-if you only have one or two, it's not outside of the realm of possibility to carry them around with you. some pendulums really enjoy this too

-with your other crystals, as long as they're separated enough so that they won't get tangled or lost

happy witching!

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