How rare and beautiful it is
To even exist
Problems Of A Spaceman
Chris Beck x Stripper!Reader
Summary: Chris attempts to gain some confidence back after his fiancée leaves him, though, the journey is different than he thought it would be... (smut, mentions of cheating, self-deprecation, exotic dancing, space kink because duh, dope fucking music choice if I do say so myself)
Author note: yes I did write this four years ago, this is an updated version since I recently found it after deleting my other blog, enjoy.
It shouldn’t even be a thing. Chris didn’t get nervous, this was something new for him. After thirteen years of education, five standard spacewalks and a back-to-back trip to the newly colonized neighbouring red planet, nothing should phase him anymore – but that was space. There were things significantly more nerve-wracking than his current situation; perhaps he was better at being an astronaut than fulfilling his social and romantic life.
While taking all the prerequisites required for NASA and in medical school, he didn’t have time for fraternizing with anyone, most people in the medical field experience that. It was a miracle that he could even keep the attention of his ex-fiancée during the mission to Mars since he didn’t exactly know how to flirt. No matter how intelligent he was, all of that did nothing to help him in his personal life and everything that came with it.
Furthermore, the sexual aspect was a problem for him, too.
He’s never had an opportunity to explore himself with another person, of course, he’s had plenty of sex but, it was nothing more than the standard modus operandi. Beth was hard to navigate, she was disengaged and blatantly selfish, eventually blaming him for her unfaithful tendencies and lack of interest when he was the only one making an effort. It ended as it began, a complete circumstantial shitshow and because of that, he is on a mission to gain self-confidence back.
Since she kicked him out, he’s been sleeping in the spare room of his good friends’ house for the last couple of months while his new apartment is being renovated. Mark Watney was a single man who knew what that position felt like, and who also knew the beginnings of a solution. The ability to pay women for their undivided attention did wonders for a man’s ego, especially at an exclusive gentlemen’s club rather than a regular strip joint. It is more of a candid transaction that was valued at both ends.
And it is very exclusive. It required a reservation to save a slot since it was so well-known and a general, but hefty, fee at the door as insurance.
He made it sound like the easiest thing in the world, but on the other hand, Chris was so fucking anxious to go that he could vividly feel his blood pumping in overdrive. He’s never, ever attended a place like that before. But as he looked up at the classy, luminescent sign of the building that lit up the dark parking lot, he started to wonder what exactly he’s getting himself into. Just as long as he isn’t awkward, maybe everything will be okay.
Don’t be weird, don’t fuck it up. Simple.
He repeated those words in his head as he was looked over by the heavy before being let in and did everything the lady at the front desk told him to. After that, it was time to be escorted through the big fancy door.
The initial shock passed through him quickly, the smell of perfume, cigars and liquor weren’t as bad as he thought it was going to be. But once he rounded the corner into the main lounge the nerves were back. The wild colours in the dusky lighting gave the atmosphere an alluring feel as he bared witness to scarcely clothed women dancing on stage, at tables with other men and walking around the floor.
He adjusted his ball cap to sit lower on his face and scanned the room for a free seat, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed and needing to sit down before he either collapsed or backed out entirely. Chris Beck was not good at this.
Could he perform surgery after surgery for 16 hours straight? Yes.
Can he proudly say that he is an award-winning astronaut that helped shape the future of space science? Fuck yeah, he can.
Can he say that he can bed anyone he wants and walk around like he owns the place? No, no he cannot.
The spaceman sat in a vacant booth near the left side of the stage, tucked away in a dark corner to observe as he planned. Yeah, he was good at observing. Watney reassured him before he left, stating that he did specialize in human anatomy and he should do what he does best...observe, evaluate and execute, which helped a bit. A doctor’s point of view was his only saving grace right now, he’d stick to that comfortable method for as long as he can.
He found himself zoning in on different interactions that played out as time ticked by. Many lovely women took their turn on stage, very healthy and some men had been taken behind curtains and even thrown out for inappropriate behaviour. He made of a note of that in the back of his mind if there ever came a time. No touching.
He didn’t know how much time had passed since he arrived. There were a few nice girls who came over to talk to him, but he declined any offers they threw his way respectfully and chose to remain where he was instead. Although, just when he thought about turning in for the night, the lights suddenly dimmed until it was almost pitch-black. So dark that he couldn’t even see his hand.
The emcee bordered more background music that rattled his chest through the speakers above the circle booth, it increased slowly and he assumed it was building up to another track. The crowd of regulars and new attendees alike cheered loudly at the change of pace, Chris perked up and clapped along with them even though he had no clue as to what.
“Ladies, gentlemen and every-damn-one in between, we have a special treat for you tonight.” the man announced heartily.
He continued as the music came to a peak, then dissipated as he spoke the moniker of the next dancer, “Your house favourite has decided to give you a dance that I think is out of this world...please welcome to the stage, Ares”
The patrons went wild as Chris, on the other hand, went rigid – almost choking on his drink.
As the projected images of deep space filled the room in a flash, a dancer was now on stage walking around in something simple, yet sexy. No one could get enough of her or the choreography, staying for her performances that always seemed to have a different aesthetical essence every time she made an appearance.
The modest man couldn’t stop looking at her, she was the main focus of the room – but for him, the significance was completely different from the others. What were the chances that one of his biggest passions in life could be used as an exotic dance theme, materialized right in front of his eyes?
But when the music started...that’s when things even more interesting.
The song wasn’t one he anticipated, he assumed it would be the same club music that made his eardrums shudder, but this slow beat only made his senses buzz, and not just from the vibrations. He enjoyed the older music his commander played after years of listening to it. So, when he detected the beginning of this underrated 1972 classic by Harry Nilsson, this stripper had his full attention.
Bang, bang, shoot em’ up, destiny
Bang, bang, shoot em’ up to the moon
Bang, bang, shoot em’ up one, two, three
(One, two, three, four)
The woman circled the pole as the song started to wind up, making little gestures to the regulars and letting the music guide her. She hit every deep strum of the guitar by waving her hips from side to side delicately, still holding on to the shiny metal planted at her side.
As the artist started to sing the corresponding words, she spun around the pole. The lights caught the small crystals on her one-piece and somehow, scattered like the night sky on her bare skin. Her hips moved sinfully as her body followed the fluid movements like Saturn’s rings, circulating with the natural orbit of the planet. Or pole in this case.
I wanted to be a spaceman
That’s what I wanted to be
But now that I am a spaceman
Nobody cares about me
Next, with every distinct beat, she put her back to the pole, slid down and arose in one fell swoop. She twirled once, flipping her hair behind her head and rolling her lower body ‘round and around and around and around as the words called out above the hollering. The attention was now drawn to her lower body.
Highlighting her assets as dancers called it.
Hey Mother Earth, won’t ‘cha bring me back down
Safely to the sea
But ‘round and around and around and around
Is all she ever say to me
She melted down on all fours to crawl across the platform, doing the next progressions effortlessly. She laid on her back, arching her body like a tidal wave entranced by the moon, rolling onto her stomach, and using her knees to sweep her torso across the floor until she was up in a kneeling position again.
The way she created a giant slip from her ass to her shoulders gave the perfect view of her behind to the men and women on the left side of the stage, money cascading across her body. It was quick yet elegant.
I wanted to make a good run
I wanted to go to the moon
I knew that it had to be fun
I told ‘em to send me real soon
I wanted to be a spaceman
That’s what I wanted to be
But now that I am a spaceman
Nobody cares about me
She repeated similar moves to the first chorus but on her knees this time, feeling up her own body, wiggling her assets playfully at whoever she wanted – connecting with the audience. Chris was captivated by the way she carried her body like that, the slightly distorted music gave a sexy edge to her routine that caused his cock to throb in his jeans.
In his big doctor brain, he was trying to figure out how someone could be so graceful. Even if he felt ashamed of viewing her so strenuously, he justified it by observing her anatomy like the surgeon he was.
She didn’t wear high heels, opting to be barefoot, and the only extravagant makeup she wore was something that made her body sparkle. Her simple lingerie wasn’t something that stole the show, she just came as herself. The differences help him tell a lot about who she was, the little details sending signals to his genius mind.
Hey Mother Earth, won’t 'cha bring me back down
Safely to the sea
Around and around and around and around
Is just a lot of lunacy (yeah, yeah)
The break in the lyrics gave a sense of anticipation, the echo prepared everyone for the next verse as the song swerved in and out of a muffled tone. Then, she was watching him.
Chris abruptly looked away as the mood changed, his breath hitching as he erratically glanced around before settling on her again. She appeared to be showing off for him now with a smile on her lips. He swallowed thickly as his mouth began to water and dry out at the same time, exchanging aggressive eye contact with the woman that had his undivided attention.
The music got lost in the background noise as they disappeared into their own world, his heart pulsed in his ear and his breath shallowed as everything around them was lost. It was like the earth had stopped spinning, the gravity giving out so the spaceman could feel weightless. There were faint pictures of the cosmos floating across his flushed skin, revealing his lip clamped between his impressively white teeth.
'Round and around and around and around and around
(So bring me back down)
'Round and around and around and around and around
Safe on the ground
He wasn’t trying to be sensual, Chris chewed his bottom lip when he was either content, uneasy or nervous. And nervous he was. Those eyes said innocence but the rest of him screamed sex fiend who could pound her into another universe if provoked, it definitely piqued her interest.
She never had the pleasure of seeing a person in tune with her like that before, it was refreshing. He looked like he was genuinely enjoying the way her body made him react but on a more personal level, something difficult to accomplish from 15 feet away.
Hey Mother Earth, better bring me back down
Safely to the sea
But around and around and around and around
Is all she ever say to me, yeah
She had to be the one to break the intense eyefuck that was taking place, on both ends, in the middle of her set. Chris sensed the music drift back in, the planet rotating once more and coming back to himself after his mind floated away into endless space amongst many stars filling the void. As the song came to a close, she followed the rest of her routine with similar moves, collecting herself after a mere moment.
Everything was simply...simple.
But there was still so much of the unknown that came with the woman she was, remaining understated in this line of work and feeding a lot of emotion into her life passion. He could feel it.
That is the exact reason why she was a house favourite.
You know, I wanted to be a spaceman
That’s what I wanted to be
But now that I am a spaceman
Nobody cares about me
Say hey, you Mother Earth, you better bring me back down
I’ve taken just as much as I can
But around and around and around and around
Is the problem of a spaceman
That spaceman had a problem alright.
She just took him on a fucking cosmic ride that will be burned into his mind for the foreseeable future. His pants were now painfully tight, pressing his cock close to his body so that every time he moved his tip would be stimulated by his silky briefs. He was being forced to evaluate his current predicament.
He thought about the next step as the projections faded from the room and her along with them, completely vanished by the time the lights dimmed down and back up again.
Chris originally wanted to stay for a while longer to watch some more, not pushing himself to do more than he was prepared for; progress takes time and it depends on the person. He evaluated the options in front of him, either pursue the course that led him to the woman who just blew his mind or, stick with what he had been doing for the past five months – fucking his hand while he rested alone in his bed.
Eventually, after he gave into the disconcerted feeling picking him apart, he went with the familiar option and kept his head down in disappointment at his lack of confidence, sliding out of the booth. He just wanted to go home at this point, maybe he would try again another day. He nearly reached the exit when a security guard abruptly stopped him from leaving, he thought he did something wrong at first but as it turns out, that was far from what was the case.
“No, you didn’t do anything—you’re being requested by a dancer” the large man chuckled.
Chris looked up at the man that towered over him, questioning the authenticity of the claim. He clapped him on the shoulder.
“If I were you, man...I would take the dance. She rarely takes requests but offering...one in a million”
The security guard walked him into the back where the exclusive rooms were and into one with a large circular seat, gentle lighting and parlour cabinet full of assorted items. It wasn’t a suffocating space, but he felt like he was running out of oxygen
“Enjoy the show, man” with that final word, he left Chris alone in the room.
Once the door clicked, he rushed to rub his sweaty palms on his dark jeans and took a shaky breath as he sat down, pulling on the neckband of his sweater. In the meantime, he worked on not being so high strung, the door being behind him didn’t help as he waited for her to come. While the anticipation slowly drove him nuts, he ran the three steps Watney reminded him of in his cloudy mind.
Observe, evaluate and...execute.
He was startled at the hands sneaking around his shoulders and lightly down his chest, making him jump in a bit in the big velvet chair. He was too deep in his thoughts to hear the door open behind him or her walking in on his stiff back facing her. Chris heard her soft chuckle behind him and felt the warm air caress his sensitive neck.
“Easy loverboy” Ares cooed in a low voice.
If it wasn’t before, his heart was racing at lightspeed now. She had such a strong effect on him.
“...you’re very tense. Did you know that?” she whispered behind his ear.
He shivered at the feeling and slowly nodded, not trusting his stupid mouth to not say something awkward.
She chuckled again, “You have the prettiest blue eyes...even from a distance”
The woman walked around his seated boy, keeping her hands on him but moving them with her until she was faced with the mystery man from the darkest corner in the lounge. He wasn’t looking at her, but around her, and trying to find somewhere to rest his relentless gaze. It was all in vain though, she trailed her finger along his jaw and under his chin, forcing his eyes to hers.
“Hmm, there they are—better up close” she bit her lip softly.
He looks so timid, with his big beady eyes and those perfectly pouted lips working in the evilest ways. Chris blushed at the compliment, feeling better about himself already.
Watney might actually be right about this whole excursion after all.
“I—uh, thank you” he murmured.
Chris cursed himself for already stuttering like a dumbass.
In his defence, she was touching him ever-so-gently and how can he not trip up his words with her looking like a holy goddess. Ironic, given the circumstance. And now, he couldn’t look away.
Especially since her hands travelled upwards to pull his NASA ball cap off, then leaning forward while maintaining that close proximity as she unzipped his sweater, helping him pull it off.
“We don’t need those” Ares whispered, tossing the garments on the floor.
But there was always some teasing before the actual contact.
As she put distance between their bodies, he was resting almost slack in the chair – legs parted, arms limp at his side and in his lap as soft music began to play. The apple of throat bobbed in his tight throat as she began moving slowly in front of him, full of grace and precision. She was like a supernova, its effortlessly soft edges melting into the black of space as her skin did with her bodysuit. The fact that he was the only one seeing it made the experience that much sweeter, all those feelings coming back from earlier.
He was also able to recognize that she was wearing subtle glitter and rhinestones that temporarily fused to her skin, causing the shine and sparkle of her body on stage.
Once she gave him time to get comfortable, she spread his legs apart and hovered her back over his chest, grinding her ass into his lap. The shampoo and light perfume made his sex twitch as he inhaled it in, trying his best not to give in and touch. He kept his hands on the edges of the chair, his fingers digging into it painfully – he remembered what happened to the other guys, how they got thrown out. Chris just wants to watch, that’s good enough for him.
Ares leaned forward slightly, arching her back and hitting his private areas in all the right places, gradually making him break out into a small sweat. The woman rubbed her ass on his lap expertly and before he knew it, she pressed herself against him to lay her head on his shoulder.
“I hope you know, the way you looked at me...you really know how to get a girl hot and bothered.”
Of course, he blushed again. His face was burning like the sun at this point.
“I...I was just enjoying it—you are very talented” Chris laughed nervously.
He turned his face slightly, absentmindedly following the heat of her skin until he was fanning her neck, so close...but never touching. He was so, sooo close, but felt so far.
She stood up without warning and slowly turned around, pushing him back into the back of the chair more and watching as he widened eyes dilated further at her forwardness. He’d clearly never had a lap dance so he probably didn’t know about what happened during one. She set her legs on either side of his thighs, effectively straddling him to get on with the real deal. She smoothed her arms around his neck and left them to hang lazily off the back of the chair, never breaking eye contact the entire time.
“That’s very sweet, I can feel how excited you are...”
As she began to move, their heads fell back simultaneously from the direct friction. Ares righted her head after a second and pressed into his personal space, their noses touching every time she moved up his lower body and back down again. She circled her hips a couple of times and breathed out a sigh, it was nice not giving lap dances to the clingy regulars and giving a man like this her talented movements and motions instead. It was different this time around, the atmosphere was weirdly intimate – he just gave off that energy.
“Very excited...” Ares added.
Chris shuttered as she rested her entire body weight on his clothed erection at the sentence, now realizing how difficult it was not to touch. Though she picked up on his hesitation and demeanour instantaneously. She stroked all over his arms, chest and stomach for the first time, feeling how cut the guy really was, there were endless muscles. Very practical.
He gave her a shy smile, “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way—to, uh...to have my body behave this way, I mean”
“Ah, I’m turning you on?...” she asked, leaning in.
Chris didn’t know what to say to that, he’s never been good in these situations and more often than not resorted to the only thing he knows everything about. He’s starting to lose his cool and what happens when he loses his cool?
Well, he is not very smooth.
“I, um...it’s the body sending signals the corresponding part of the brain...neurons fire commands and simulate the, uh...ohh,” a moan cut off his rambling.
He could feel himself getting closer to his release, something he didn’t want but also desperately wanted at the same time. He was already on edge when he was in the booth, his brain constantly stimulating his sex to the point where his boner couldn’t go away. The way it was being dragged across his pants made him groan even more.
She giggled, “Has anyone told you that you’re a dork when you’re nervous?”
Chris shook his head, closing his eyes to try and fight off his orgasm until the lap dance was over. He had to swallow most of the breaths that became more and more erratic with every sway of her hips.
The way his skin flushed a dark pink and his breathing picked up confirmed she was doing a good job, but the only thing that threw Ares off was the fact that he was shaking violently, a straining vein on his neck making an impression in his flesh. She was unknowingly pumping his shaft along with his jeans, practically coaxing his seed to just burst out of him.
Chris felt his balls go stiff, cock pulse and tighten right before he lost control. The thing that pushed him to his limit was his balls compressing between his legs when she quickly swivelled her hips. He gripped the arms of the chair and thrust his hips upward, letting out a long mewl and finally giving up on holding back as pleasure took over his ability to think properly. Ares stopped moving while he continued riding out his orgasm that felt too goddamn good, cum seeping out of his boxers and down his thigh.
Once he found a way to maneuver himself back to Earth, he went completely limp in the chair as if he just ran a triathlon when the reality of what just happened hit him. That just happened, he hasn’t cum in his pants since his first year of university, and didn’t have a clue of what to do about it.
Why didn’t he just stay home? He could have avoided this if he just isolated himself in his room like he usually did.
“Huh...that’s never happened to me before,” she said in a tone he couldn’t quite decipher.
He glanced away after opening his eyes, still in a daze, “I...um”
For a moment he thought he made her uncomfortable and was getting ready to apologize, possibly leave if she wanted him to. But instead, he tilted his head as the embarrassment on his face was replaced by confusion at her smirk and gentle eyes. She dragged her ass across him once, making him hiss at the sensitivity of his half-hard cock still dripping with arousal.
Usually, she didn’t allow excessive touching and avoided any kind of sexual encounters at work, it wasn’t her thing – but there was something about this one that told her he should be pleased. To be honest, he wasn’t some run-of-the-mill scumbag or pompous prick like the usual attendees are, she’s starting to see he’s a plain, genuine guy. That’s why it took him by surprise when she leaned down and pressed a long kiss on the crease of his throat, sucking on it periodically.
“...I thought there was no, mhmm, touching” Chris stammered.
Ares held on to the baby hairs at the back of his neck, then ran his soft hair through her fingers as she kissed her way across his face. Their lips brush together as she spoke.
“Shhhh, let me take care of you...and this” she moved on him again, a mischievous gleam in her eye.
Chris whimpered out a noise of surprise when she finally connected both their lips together, she sucked his bottom one between hers and nipped at it tenderly. She grabbed his hands, placing them on her to encourage him to feel her, to touch her body. He was hesitant with his movements, still diffident even when she slithered her tongue into his soft mouth, twirling and caressing his.
When they disconnected he panted heavily in the shared space, she hummed at his expression, desire. After she climbed off his lap and kneeled in front of him as her hands began to unbuckle his belt and tug at his zipper.
“Okay, this is happening? Right now?...oh” Chris breathed out.
Everything was happening so fast, he didn’t have time to think about the repercussions of his irresponsible, but tempting actions. His voice of reason was screaming its concern and he couldn’t help but listen to it as he sat there, immobilized while she worked his pants, then cum-soaked briefs down his legs.
“You really don’t have t—” he groaned throatily as she pumped his shaft.
It was always the dorky guys who have the nicest and fullest cocks she had ever seen without fail – he was no different in that department, a decent length, thickness and fit for her. Ares stroked him until he was fully solid again, admiring the way he turned his hips up at the feeling of her hand around him – at least, if they stopped now, he’d have a good visual to fuel his lewd imagination late at night.
She quirked a wholesome smile, “We need to clean you up before things get too heated”
Chris would have mentally retracted the concept of using her as ammunition for his masturbation thoughts, but he was too busy with his eyes rolling back at the most damning sight in the universe. She began to lick the cum from where it was on his body, on his cock, all over his thigh and what remained on her fingers; swallowing everything before working him over with her mouth.
“Jesus Christ...” he growled, reeling in an abrupt lust. He held the back of her head as she sucked him off, “it’ll be over very soon if you don’t get up here”
Even taken aback by his tone, she grinned and gestured at him stand up along with her, encouraging him to pull the bodysuit straps down. Chris kissed along her collarbone faintly, tugging the lingerie down to expose her breasts and gleaming heat to his eyes. He kissed her neck as best he could, not knowing if he was making her feel good in the least but still giving it his best shot.
“God, you are beautiful...”
Luckily, she moaned at his rumbling words on her skin, relaxing him a little bit.
This was crunch time, they need to do it now. Ares rushed to pull his white t-shirt off, appreciating his abs, pecs and biceps as she pushed him back down on the chair forcefully – he looked like a complete stud but had the sweetest personality ever. She giggled as he squirmed out of his pants and kicked off his shoes so he could be fully naked like her, climbing on him again as he did so.
Chris didn’t want anything binding him while this happened.
“Do you have a condom?” she mumbled against his lips, kissing him again.
He made an affirming noise, gesturing for her to pick up his pants where his wallet held one in a hidden pocket. He quickly fumbled the leather out and tossed it with his pants to the ground, barely getting the condom out before she snatched it and rolled it down the length of him. She propped herself on her knees, coating him in her growing wetness as she prepared to take him.
But, he hesitated and held her just above him.
“Are you...are you sure you want to do this—with me?” Chris asked, his eyes held a sadness that she never wanted to see from him again.
Of course, she wanted to...now more than ever.
To reassure him, she cupped his cheek with her free hand and pressed their foreheads together. The woman revelled in the way his mouth dropped open, eyes becoming hooded and a gasp hitching in the back of his throat as she sunk onto him. Looking deep into his eyes and watching the sadness dissipate into satisfaction. He grasped her waist with one arm as she began to ride him at a steady pace, his cock stretching her.
Chris groaned loudly, choking on his moans every so often when she caressed the right spot. The speed increased as he began to enthusiastically meet her thrusts, causing them to both murmur muffled whines and whimpers into each other’s mouths. One hardy smack of his thighs to her ass pierced their ears when he gave a particularly harsh snap of his body, pulling her down as he kept up with his hard thrusts into her.
“Fuck, do that again...” she shivered as he fucked her so carefully, making her needier every second.
He had his brows furrowed in concentration, focusing on pleasuring her and tried to forget the doubts he had to live in that moment. This was more than spontaneous sex for him, he was making love to someone – feeling good for once. He has never fucked someone before but, if anything, he was giving her the most carnal, admiration-fueled sex he could.
She bounced faster as he, in turn, bucked into her harder. She was clenching, he was throbbing...it was too much.
“God, that’s it, just like that,” he grunted, continuing to manually move her slowing hips.
“Shit, you’re gonna make me cum...” she groaned, “...please tell me you’re close”
Chris nodded fervently, keeping his eyes locked on her for as long as he could. In the final stretch, as her clenching became more prevalent, he kept one arm around her as he trailed his hand down to her clit. Just when started to rub, his fingers caught the nerves underneath and made her cry out.
“Does that feel good for you? Is it okay?” he asked politely.
Ares sobbed her ‘yes’ in a pitchy tone.
He hugged her tightly against him as everything started to unwind, leaving his pelvis to stimulate her clit. The woman clenched hard around him as she lost her vision, the way her cunt gripped made him speed up his thrusts to continue moving. Her low whine near his ear did him in, his lower body ghosted on a final thrust as he stopped completely – his heaving was muffled by the clenching of his teeth, letting himself tremble in her arms as he filled the condom with his cum.
After a while of sitting there, Chris broke the silence, “I...I think my time is up”
She laughed at his witty remark, not realizing how much that boosted his mood and tugged at his heart, or how she just single-handedly repaired his self-worth. There was no way to process it, all he knew was he felt amazing, he felt...content.
Ares stood on weak legs, climbing off him and allowing him to dispose of the condom. Chris had a dopey smile on his face as he pulled his pants back on and did the fastenings quickly, she was already back in her bodysuit by that time. He appeared to be lost in deep thought as she handed him his shirt, smirking at him – his skin flushed a soft rose when he finally noticed.
“Do I really make you nervous—after that?” she retrieved his sweater and cap off the floor where they were forgotten.
Chris laughed quietly before shifting back to his serious face, smiling somewhat. She wondered why he was there in the first place when he could have women lining up; well, if he wasn’t so humble that is.
He cleared his throat, “uh...thank you for that by the way. You didn’t have to do what you did...I just” then began rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.
“I’m not good at this stuff, one-time things and strippers—or, I mean exotic dancers, I didn’t mean for that to sound like th—”
To save him from himself, she curled her fingers around his shirt collar and pulled him in, kissing him thoughtfully. Chris cupped the back of her head right away and held her waist as she encompassed the modest stranger with her warmth. He chased her mouth after she broke away from his pursed lips, brows furrowing at his want to keep kissing her.
“You talk a lot, it’s sweet” she giggled at his actions.
Following that encounter, he felt like a new man. She let him make love to her, or fuck her, whichever it was. He couldn’t get over that woman, she felt authentic in his arms, unlike Beth who felt out of place and made him realize his ex was never meant for him at all.
Chris was walking away, leftover clothes in hand and messy sex hair weathered by her hands, but before he could slip behind the curtain leading back to the lounge, she called out to him. When he turned to face her, she was in a robe and leaning laxly against the wall, just as dishevelled as he was.
“For the record, I’m not good at this—” she gestured between them, “—either”
He drove home with a smile on his face and satisfaction coursing through him.
Although, he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling of having a mere fling. Not even knowing anything about her while doing something so intimate, something personal to him. He wished he would have asked her real name or her number, so he could thank her properly or even, possibly ask her out.
He had a feeling about her, the attraction was undeniable now.
Perhaps it was a god working some sort of miracle or the planet’s alignment giving him mystical energy, maybe something as simple as luck. But, as he started to get ready for bed that night, a piece of paper fell out of his jeans as he stripped to have a shower.
Curiously, he picked it up and looked it over.
Just because I knew you wouldn’t ask for it. Call me sometime.
Maybe he would take her out.
After all, he felt as if they had this connection, even if it was unconventional from any other relationship he had before. One thing he knew for sure was he liked the sound of her name on his tongue, repeating it in front of the mirror and practicing what to say to her...thinking about her until he fell fast asleep.
The spaceman used to have problems, but now?
He has none.
© August 26th, 2018 | April 20th, 2021 by pepsicup
with me (daryl dixon x fem!reader)
Warnings: canon typical language and sexual references, NSFW, 18+
A/N: hello hello, I am back with another Daryl fic. This one's got a happy ending 😏😉😏😉😏😉😜😜
was listening to saturn by superflash and so high by ross quinn
Tagging: @chasingdreamer @elitereid @fuseburner
It was hot inside the truck. The leather upholstery wasn't helping either. You roll down the window even lower until the lever breaks off. You curse. And toss it to the passenger seat.
With one hand on the steering wheel, your eyes scan your horizon. It's just one, straight road parted in the middle by Daryl Dixon's frame - propelling forward on his motorcycle. His hair flaps wildly in the wind behind him, his jacket doing the same. How he manages to stay cool in the Georgia heat with layers of leather on, you'll never understand. But at least it's not as bad as it the August heat wave.
Daryl veers into one of the small dirt paths and you follow him, body thrashing against the seat as the crooked ground nearly swallows you up.
You struggle to stay upright but manage until the path straightens into a road again. Then you see it.
"No fucking way."
You skid forward and park haphazardly by the side. Daryl watches you climb down, tucking your gun into hip holster and letting your crossbow dip backwards, strap digging into your front.
"What the hell are you doing?! This wasn't the plan."
"Look, no line!"
Daryl rolled his eyes at you.
"It's getting late!" He yells over the roar of his engine.
"Then let's stop here."
You say, bounding towards him. You look so enthused in your torn jeans and Zeppelin shirt, it's hard to say no. Harder still to say no to that smile on your face.
"Come on! No line, no trying to make awkward small talk with a date."
His eyes peeled up at that, as he turned off his engine and climbed off. He grabbed his weapons and his pack before following you through the spindle at the entrance.
"Do you miss it?"
He asks, once you cross over. You chuckle, looking over your shoulder.
"Mini-golf? Yeah! Dating? Are you kidding?"
Daryl shrugs when you look at him disbelievingly.
"Fuck no! I don't! And I really don't fucking miss telling my mom and my best friend where I am just in case I go missing. Cause that's a fun thing you have to worry about when you identify as a woman."
You say sarcastically. You grab a club and tak a massive swing - almost knocking the wings from the windmill.
"I'm gonna take a look around."
"You do that - I'm just gonna stay here with the balls."
"Ha" he says dryly before moving ahead, crossbow tucked between his strong, muscular arms. You turned away, lining up another ball and actually trying to get in the hole. One try after after another follows. Minutes pass by and by the end, the last one doesn't end up there. Instead, it hovers just over the edge.
"You've gotta be fucking kidding me."
"It's all clear." Daryl says from behind you. He takes one look at your last shot and smiles.
"You didn't tell me you were so good."
He takes the club from you as you scowl at him. He lines one up and gets it in on the first try.
Stupid crossbow hillbilly with the perfect aim.
"And you know what else I like about now? At least I know when someone's trying to kill me. I like the....directness."
"I didn't know you had....think about that shit before."
At first you think it's because he's a man. But then you see the way he shifts from one foot to another, discomfort as plain as the fading daylight you're standing in.
"Wait..... didn't you.....date?"
His leans his head down so most of his face is covered with his long, dark hair. But even then, you can see the wisps of red highlighting his cheeks.
Daryl Dixon's never been on date?!
"I.....had....a few nights. But nothing....uh, else."
You nod, understanding. You didn't blame him. It was easier to fuck someone once and then move on. Dating was exhausting.
"Ah, I see."
You take the club from him again and swing backwards before hitting the ball up and over the whole windmill.
"Well, you didn't miss much. Most of them....have been bad - at least for me."
When darkness descends across the horizon, you set up camp. The tents go up first. It's a quick process - you and Daryl work around each other like two cogs in a machine. If he reached out to grab a wrench you hand it over wordlessly. If you need to hold up the tent while putting it together, he'll do it without question. It's habit. It's natural.
Daryl goes off to find firewood but when he comes back, he's bit taken aback. The lone shaved down tree trunk is a makeshift table, holding two lit candles and two cans of beans with spoons in them.
"Thought you should get the first time I never did."
You say, smiling. Daryl's whole body goes hot - less like the burning of the sun, more like the heat from a hearth. He shoves one hand into his pocket, the other through his hair, letting it fall to cover his face again.
You bow a little, ushering him into his seat. And Daryl thinks it's a good thing it's dark. His cheeks are burning so hot, they must be as red as a rivulet of blood.
He takes a seat, waiting for you to do the same. You strip yourself of your weapons before clinking your cans together like champagne glasses. The action makes you laugh and the sound makes Daryl feel warm inside.
A few minutes of silence elapses before he asks,
"How was your first?"
"Well.....I was 15. I was so nervous I couldn't eat anything besides french fries. And we didn't even do anything.....but like he....."
Daryl watches your face as you feebly try to explain. You click your tongue against your teeth before saying,
"Let's just say I was eating a milkshake with a spoon and.....he....really....uh....liked it."
Daryl's eyes widen with realization before he bursts out laughing. It's short. Throaty. But it makes you feel so....content. You've never really heard him laugh before - not like this. Not the way he is, with his head thrown back and his eyes closed. It only last a moment. But it's seared into your brain.
You're embarrassed - by your reaction to his reaction to the story. So you swish around the contents of the can and say sarcastically,
"Don't worry - I will not be getting a boner when you put that spoon in your mouth."
The corner of his mouth quirks up involuntarily.
You feign disgust and continue eating.
"Anyways, a normal date would start with, "How was day, Daryl? Did you go to work? Did you hangout with your co-workers?" You ask. He really wants to make fun the small talk ritual but he goes along with your game instead.
"It was great. Went to a ball game, had a few beers. Took the boys to a strip club."
"Really? Mmmh, tell me, your date, more about how you let strippers give you lap dances?"
You laughed, slapping him across the arm. Daryl is acutely aware of the feeling your touch leaves. He tries really hard to ignore it. He really does. But he can't. He shrugs, trying to shake it off.
"It's not so bad. Kinda fun actually."
"Yeah, well, maybe I just hadn't met the right person then."
There's a moment then - a moment heavy with tension. His eyes are staring into yours, holding your gaze captive in his. You swallow. He blinks. A few moments come and go, then another few. And before you know it, the moment's become a minute, continuing to expand still.
You snap yourself whatever the hell that was, clearing your throat.
You rise to your feet, disposing of the empty can in your hand. He follows suit, trailing behind you as you lead him through the thick underbrush and back to the open road where your vehicles are parked.
Daryl watches you carefully, taking off your jacket and then your shoes. When you hop up onto the back of the truck, his eyes find them - your sleeping bags sprawled across the surface.
"Going all out, huh?"
"Well, if you're gonna put out, I better."
You winked and he bumped his shoulder with yours. You helped him up and you both laid down on the blankets. The star littered the night sky, blinking at you both. It was quiet. The air smelled like soft earth and fresh leaves. Daryl closed his eyes, letting his arm rest against yours - fingers begging to be interlaced.
"Can't do this in the city."
"No. Too many lights."
"Do you know any of the constellations?" You ask.
"No." He answers.
"Yeah, me neither." You reply. "What do you think we'll find tomorrow?".
"Hopefully, medicine and tools. Guns, if we're lucky."
"What happens next?" Daryl asks. His voice is low, tentative, like he's gauging your reaction
"What do you mean?"
When you stay quiet, he instantly regrets asking. He turns away but you lick your lips and say,
"I never get this far."
You turn on your side and prop your head up on your hand, staring directly at him. Daryl meets your gaze.
"The dinner ends, someone pays - it's been me usually, believe it or not. And then we just go our separate way. I think there was once a handshake."
He lets his eyes close for a moment.
"Frisky." He jokes. There's silence again. Daryl feels his heart thud in his chest. It's so loud and insistent, he doesn't know if he can shut it up.
"How did you want them to go - those dates?"
He asks, telling himself it's to help distract himself. But even he doesn't believe it. A part of him, the dominant part, wants to genuinely know the answer.
"With them going down on me and then leaving immediately. Obviously."
You laugh and Daryl has to close his eyes and bite down on his bottom lip to keep from screaming. When he joins you again, in the land of the living,
"No, just would've been nice to know if I was gonna get a second date. The not knowing was the hardest part."
"But how would you...uh, know?" Daryl asks rather innocently. You smile a little.
"Well, if the moment was uh.....right, then I'd lean in and I'd ask them if I could kiss them. And if they said yes, then I'd know. And I'd kiss them."
Daryl nods, holding your gaze. You sink deeper and deeper into the depths of his blue eyes. And you know, you know, you know you're going down a path you don't know the end - but fuck, you don't really care. All you care about right now is Daryl.
He reaches up, cupping your cheek. His touch is electric. But it flows through you, steadying your thudding heart.
"Can I kiss you?" He asks.
"Do you want to?"
"Fuck yes." He replies simply and that's all it takes. You close the distance. His lips are soft. Slightly chapped. He snakes his hand into your hair, draws you in closer, until you're straddling him. His mouth is hot and eager, alternating between small pecks and deep kisses. His tongue darts into your mouth, eliciting a moan. Daryl can feel how hot you are against him, can feel your temperature rising where his fingertips meet your lower back. And it's intoxicating, knowing he has this effect on you. He's dreamed about it for so long. He's dreamed about you for so long.
Daryl angles your body so he's on top, rutting against you. You can feel how hard he is, feel how wet it's making you. But when he lifts your shirt and kisses down your belly, you cry out,
"Let me make you feel good."
And he does. God, he fucking does - taking off your trousers, and pressing a kiss over your panties. You writhe in agony as he works his deft fingers inside you. He's so good, so good, drawing out breathy moans and a river of curses from your mouth.
And he obliges, getting rid of your panties all together. He spreads your legs apart with his massive hands, his head sinking in between your thighs. You feel him - a warm breath fanning your core. Then his mouth, his sweet, slow mouth, licking and nipping and kissing your aching cunt. Your hands sink into his hair, pushing him closer. And he responds with equal fervor - mouth wrapping round your clit and sucking furiously.
Daryl takes this as encouragement, paying even more attention to your overstimulated bud. You feel the waves of a climax building - it rises and rises and rises as Daryl's mouth fills the night air with echoing obscenities. Your nails dig into his shoulder when he hitches you downwards, sinking his whole face into your pussy.
And with a flick of his tongue, you come apart completely. The stars behind your eyelids match the ones in the sky. Your orgasm is so intense, it almost feels primal - like nature coming to claim its prize. Your body is slick with sweat when he looks up, lips glistening with your desire.
"Want me to go now?"
You scoff, using your legs and hands to pull him on top of you, tasting yourself on his tongue. He kisses you deeply, tongue dancing with yours.
"You talk too much."
He smiles a little and kisses you again.
Kyo and the Russians
Kyo has a number of tattoos in Cyrillic. It is unclear if he has any specific link to Russia, the Russian language, or if he just found it cool in his twenties.
In any case, enjoy the Kyo x The Russian Language compilation!
боль and бог on his right hand knuckles. The former (pronounced bol') means pain, the latter (bok) means God. He later filled up his hand with the "Emperor" tattoo, then added Runic inscriptions, but боль and бог are still visible to this day. Both words are in the song Deity, on the album Macabre.
"蛹から羽を広げ 今にも飛び立ちそうで"" (all the way from your pupal stage, you spread your wings, and now you're about to fly away) - in Macabre
The butterfly tattoo was also his first known tattoo. He got it somewhere around the year 2000. It used to be on his right bicep and is still vaguely visible under a cover-up of (seemingly) random, almost opaque black scribbles. While he never discussed the meaning of the design, he mentioned on his interview with Tribal Tattoo that he got it covered up because he no longer liked it (well, makes sense).
What's interesting is that under the butterfly was the word Родился (rodilsya). It's a verb and it means "to be born" in Russian. It goes well with the imagery of a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, transformed, born again. Around the same time, Dir En Grey released their second album Macabre, widely considered to be their first actual brainchild. Yoshiki's influence as a producer in Gauze had been glaring, but as Dir En Grey emerged from their cocoon, no longer scene rookies, they birthed a deeply personal masterpiece.
Macabre is all about birth, change, progress and (sometimes painful, grotesque, gruesome) transformation. Kyo wrote the eponymous song, a whooping ten minutes and forty nine seconds of him narrating the life, struggles and ultimate demise of a butterfly. Safe to say butterflies were an important thing to him around the Y2K.
Interestingly, Macabre contains several interesting references to Russia and the Russian language. The song titles are numbered in Russian in the booklet. Rasetsukoku was the Chinese name for Russia during the Qing dynasty. The lyrics for Deity, are written in Russian and consist of a bunch of biblical references. That's also where he seemingly got most of his early tattoo ideas from:
Головокружение (dizziness), Ева,Адам (Eve, Adam), Мучение (torment), Жертва (sacrifice), Апостол (apostle), Бог Боль (god pain), Родится (to be born), Поработят (enslave), Кровь (blood) Ноль (zero)
One more fun fact: deity is phonetically similar to the word дети (diety), which means (yours or somebody else's) children. The album also features an image of a pregnant woman, which is consistent with the multiple references to birth, being born, the butterfly, transformation, etc. Kyo would later revisit these concepts on multiple other songs, and he seemingly remains very interested in the mysteries of conception and birth to this day (vd. Oboro).
On to the last known Russian piece. This one has since been covered up with the "Emperor" design, but it used to sit just above his right wrist, below the European-style crown. It featured a blue star and four lines of text (about 4-5 words). I used to have a very clear picture of it, but I can't find it, for the life of me. If you have it, please, please send it over.
EDIT: the lovely @flower-of-saturn just sent me the picture, thank you!
This one reads: вечные (eternal) сон (sleep) ум (mind) счастье (happiness) свобода (freedom)
...and it appears to be just a bunch of words that hold some form of meaning to him.
To sum it up, it's safe to say Dir En Grey were obsessed with the Russian language around the year 2000. For some reason. Maybe they visited Russia, maybe they read something from a Russian author, maybe somebody from Russia infiltrated their sphere somehow, or maybe they just thought the Cyrillic alphabet was cool? Westerners are guilty of appropriating East Asian characters, getting weird 'Chinese' tattoos and whatnot, after all. Maybe Dir En Grey were just trying to be quirky. But if that's the case, Rasetsukoku sounds a little too intentional to be a coincidence.
What are your thoughts on this? Were they trying to be cool or did Kaoru down one too many shots and ended up in the gulag?
Bonus: Orthodox imagery.
Let's take a look at this picture of his hand circa the mid-2000s. The "Emperor" piece was already there, but his middle finger was not yet filled in with the long black line. We can distinctly make out a Patriarchal cross, a variant of the Christian cross, a staple in Eastern European Orthodox imagery. However, he covered it up with the "black beam" and we didn't see anymore Orthodox imagery until...
Hello, Russian Orthodox cross. He showed up with this one sometime in 2019, around the same time he got a few Runes on his other knuckles. The interesting thing about this design is that it's upside down (if we use his Runes as a reference). I was unable to find any evidence to support a reasonable theory on what an upside-down Orthodox cross could mean. The Orthodox cross is an important symbol in Eastern Europe, just like the classic Christian cross is to Christians across the world. It represents the sacrifice of Jesus to save humanity. To my best knowledge, the Orthodox cross does not have any other specific meaning.
Now let's take a look at the fact that he got it inked upside down. Many believe an upside-down is a reference to Satanism, Satan, the Anti-christ, evil or whatnot. Maybe that's what Kyo wanted (assuming he didn't do a lot of research).
An upside down Christian cross is actually a reference to St. Peter (Bishop of Rome, the first Pope). When he was crucified, he specifically asked to be crucified upside down. He didn't feel worthy of dying in the same manner as Jesus. Hence, the Cross of Saint Peter is far from being Anti-Christian. It is usually considered to be a symbol of humility before God and of self-sacrifice.
Considering Kyo also got the Rune Mannaz (ᛗ) on his knuckle on the same hand, around the same time, it's safe to say there's a chance both symbols are a reminder of one's human condition, limitations, as well as of the importance of remaining modest and down to earth.
(I will do another series on his Runic inscriptions, stay tuned).
ghost of you: the series — part IV
'dancing through our house / with the ghost of you'
chapter summary: reader does some cleaning around the apartment, and is struck by memories with her time with spencer.
word count: 2.4k
pairing: spencer reid x fem!bau!reader
warnings: discussion of major character death, general themes of mourning, brief mentions of food and eating, slight panic/crying (again, nothing excessive, reader is just...sad)
songs: a thousand years — christina perri, lover — taylor swift, perfect — ed sheeran, saturn — sleeping at last
a/n: and just like that we’re almost at the end :) i … don’t know how i feel about this chapter and. the way it’s like ? formatted? but please feel free to let me know what you think! the song a thousand years plays a pretty solid part in this chapter so listening to it while reading may ~enhance~ your reading experience 😌 enjoy this one and gear up for the epilogue! love y’all
<- part III | series masterlist | epilogue ->
It had been a few weeks since you took the time to clean up the apartment on your own. Your friends, Spencer’s old teammates, had been really great following his funeral; each of them took the time to stop by the apartment and check on you personally, trying to help however they could. Penelope was especially great, bringing you freshly made food and coming to eat dinner with you, then insisting on cleaning up afterwards. You were incredibly grateful for her help; after Spencer died, even the smallest things felt like monumental tasks, and it got difficult for you to remember to take care of even the smallest chores around your apartment - you were too focused on trying to take care of yourself. Penelope knew this, and so she made sure to lend a hand whenever she had time; she mostly helped you clean up your apartment when you couldn’t, but whenever she knew she would be busy for a few days, like when the BAU had a big case come up, she would come over and leave a checklist tacked to your fridge, then text you to remind you to go through the checklist for that day.
It had been some time since you felt like cleaning up the apartment, all on your own volition. But today, for some reason, this was the only thing your mind could focus on. You decided not to question it, but instead to lean into it, because you knew you would probably feel better, more productive, knowing you’d cleaned up a little bit.
You started in the kitchen, rinsing out any dishes that were left in the sink, then popping some in the dishwasher to be cleaned. You put away food that was left out on the counter, opening and closing cabinets and drawers where everything had a home. Once the countertops were cleared, you sprayed them down with a cleaning solution and wiped them dry with a rag.
You then moved on to your dining room; you didn’t spend much time in there, especially because now, it was just you at home, but there was plenty of junk that accumulated on the table that you’d all but forgotten about. You went through everything you found, making piles of what you were keeping and what you’d throw away. Once the table was clear too, you wiped it down with the same rag as earlier, watching streaks appear and disappear with your careful movements.
Then you started to tidy up the living room. You spent a lot of time here, curled up on the couch, so the area surrounding it had become very messy. You didn’t always realize how messy things got because you rarely left the couch, and you had gotten used to things being scattered on the floor around you; Penelope always spent time cleaning this up when she was here, because she wanted you to get what she called a “change of scenery”. She didn’t want you to spend any more time in this room, on this couch, than you already were, so she made it her business to get you out for at least a little bit while she was visiting. So although you spent a lot of time in this room, you had all but limited yourself to the couch, and hadn’t cleaned the room personally since before Spencer died. Today, you made sure to take your time combing through the room; you picked up wrappers and plastic cups from the floor, you folded extra throw blankets and laid them over the back of the couch, you straightened the books on the shelves, and you made your way through every nook and cranny.
You were almost finished, when you stumbled upon something you had completely forgotten about, something that made your heart drop and brought tears to your eyes. You reached out and picked up the small bluetooth speaker you had bought to keep in your old apartment. It wasn’t something you used often, as you preferred to listen to music with headphones on, as opposed to out loud through a speaker. It wasn’t until Spencer came along that you made regular use of the small device, following a memorable night at home with him. Holding it in your hand, your mind was racing with vivid memories of that night, and what led to the start of a special tradition between the two of you.
Years ago, you had invited Spencer over for dinner, for your first ‘at home’ date as a couple; you decided to listen to a playlist with the top songs at the time, but since you were cooking you’d decided to play the music from a speaker, because it was hard for you to cook and hold your phone at the same time. When you opened the door for Spencer, the food was still cooking, the music was still playing, so he came and joined you in the kitchen, making small talk about how work was and telling you how happy he was to see you. You hadn’t been planning to leave the music on while you ate, but Spencer mentioned something about how it was pleasant having music on, so you left it. Most of the songs were upbeat pop songs, ones that you knew from the radio stations that you let play in your car.
When you were both finished eating, and were just talking at the table, a slow, piano ballad started playing.
HEART BEATS FAST…
“One second,” you blurted, worrying it would change the feel of whatever was going on with Spencer; everything that night was going so well, why ruin it now? “Let me change this song. This isn’t any fun to listen to.”
“Wait, don’t—” Spencer breathed. You looked up at him, head tilted in question. “Can we— uh,” he paused. “Would you like to dance?” he asked. “With me. Would you like to dance with me?”
HOW CAN I LOVE…
He looked across the table to you, a soft expression washing over his face as you nodded and took his hand. He led you from where you were sitting to an open area with enough room for the two of you to move around. Spencer placed two light hands on your waist, while you clasped your hands behind his neck, starting to sway slowly as the music played.
ONE STEP CLOSER…
Both of you were silent, enjoying this new closeness you were sharing. At some point, the two of you had locked eyes, and neither of you dared to look away no matter how much you wanted to. During an instrumental part of the song, you broke eye contact, lowering your head momentarily. It was then that Spencer spoke.
“Hey,” he said softly, getting your attention. When you looked up at him, he spoke the same three words that were on your mind.
“I love you,” he said aloud, for the first time.
You grinned, and grabbed his face, planting a kiss on his upturned lips.
“I was thinking the same thing, you know.”
And the song played on.
I HAVE DIED EVERY DAY WAITING FOR YOU
DARLING DON’T BE AFRAID I HAVE LOVED YOU FOR A THOUSAND YEARS
I’LL LOVE YOU FOR A THOUSAND MORE
You remembered this feeling as if it were yesterday; the two of you were the picture of ‘young and in love’, spinning around your apartment, admitting to some of the deepest secrets each of you held: your love for each other.
This moment was what prompted a new tradition: slow dancing to A Thousand Years.
Your whole life, you’d been a clumsy person. As a kid it was a huge insecurity of yours, but as you grew up you sort of leaned into it, and didn’t let it get to you the way it had when you were younger. Every now and then, though, the self-consciousness would creep up on you, and you quickly learned how to hide when it was bothering you. After meeting Spencer, everything changed; he was impossibly good at reading you, and you were never able to ‘hide’ from him. But that was never a problem. Spencer loved you, and your clumsiness was never something he held against you; as a matter of fact, it was the opposite— it was just one more detail about you for him to love. So despite your clumsiness and lack of coordination, and Spencer’s long limbs and aversion to touch, it was almost ironic that you’d ended up with this tradition of sorts.
You and Spencer, dancing together— slow dancing, that is. No grinding hips and sweaty bodies; all small steps and innocent touch. There was something about the familiarity of physical closeness and the comfort in each other’s touch that you both loved and, sometimes, needed.
Reminiscing about the first time you’d danced together brought up memories of the last time you’d danced together.
The sudden feeling of longing, yearning, craving washed over you, overwhelming you, reducing you to a heap on the floor, in the same spot yours and Spencer’s feet had been mere weeks ago, swaying in tandem to ‘your song’.
You felt like you couldn’t breathe, couldn’t catch your breath, couldn’t inhale enough to make it count. Your hands were shaky, your stomach was turning over itself, and your chest was burning. If you had been standing, your legs surely would have given out by now.
But just as suddenly as the pain started, it subsided, because you had become hyperfocused on a new, strangely familiar, sensation. Spencer. It was as if you could feel him here, totally and completely, almost physically. Your eyes weren’t open, but you could see everything as if it were real, your mind painting a magnificent scene of the last time you and Spencer had graced your living room floor with mindless, matched footsteps and close, comfortable embraces.
You could all but feel his hands on your lower back, pulling you in for a hug. You could all but feel his toes nudging yours with every sure misstep. You could all but feel his forehead leaning on yours following a soft kiss to the top of your head. You could all but feel his breath on your neck, his faint stubble on your cheek, his words on your lips;
“I love you”
And on the floor, in that same spot, you sat, feeling everything and nothing all at once, your mind recreating this scene for you to rewatch, relive.
Spencer had come home from work later than he usually did; he’d had an agonizingly long day, and all he could think about was coming home to you. Time with you— that was all he needed to recharge and feel more like himself, and less like the mountain of paperwork building up at the office.
You were surprised by the first three words out of his mouth when he walked through the door; sometimes it was “I missed you,” especially following a long case, but more often than not it was “I love you,” because...because Spencer was Spencer and he wanted you make sure you knew how he felt, and he did so by saying it whenever he had the opportunity. But no, not that time.
That evening, Spencer asked, “Can we dance?”
Who were you to deny him of such a simple pleasure?
So dance, you did; as always, you connected your phone to your trusty speaker, and hit play on A Thousand Years. Spencer placed his hands on your waist, and you threw your hands over his shoulders. His hands traced the skin above the waistband of your pants and below the hem of your shirt, while your hands traced the skin above the cut of his rumpled collar and below the cropped edges of his hairline. The music played on, and the two of you fell into a familiar pattern, swaying contently and quietly, savoring each other’s company.
Then, as always, as the second chorus faded, Spencer whispered, “Hey.” You turned up at him, and he looked you in the eye saying, “I love you,” with just as much meaning as the first time he ever said it.
Blood rushed in your ears as you were pulled from your memories with Spencer because of the generic, repetitive tri-tone of your doorbell, followed by a sharp tap tap tap against your door you knew could only belong to one person: Penelope Garcia.
There you sat, on the floor of your living room, bringing a hand to your face to wipe away still-falling tears in an effort to pull yourself together enough to open the door for Penelope and not have her be even more concerned than she already was. You picked yourself up, called a quick, “One sec!” to Garcia through the door, and rushed to the kitchen to splash some cool water on your face. Patting your eyes with a towel, you take a few deep breaths, then walk towards the front door.
“Hey, missy!” Penelope says, as you swing open the front door. “I brought some lasagna over, if you want to eat together? I was so bored all alone at home, figured I’d entertain myself with some company!” You stepped to the side to let her into your apartment.
She floats around your kitchen, retrieving dinnerware and placemats, already knowing where everything is stored. After setting the table, she serves each of you a heaping serving of the steaming pasta along with a tall glass of water. As you settle into your seat, Penelope notices something.
“Wait a second,” she says, looking around. “It looks nice and neat in here today! Did you—”
“Um, I—” you interrupt. “Yeah, I...I don’t really know, I guess I was just...in the mood? I was cleaning up a bit before you stopped in.”
That was all you mentioned. Penelope didn’t need to know what else had happened before she stopped in.
“That’s great, babe, I’m happy you had something to keep you busy! Sorry I interrupted though,” she says. “We can finish up together after we eat, if you want.”
You looked up at her with a small smile. “That would be...great actually.” You paused. “Really helpful, um, thanks.”
Half an hour later, Penelope was the one picking up the small bluetooth speaker and putting it in a drawer. Out of sight, out of mind, you supposed.
if you’d like to join my taglist, here’s the form to fill out :)
my beautiful babygirl bestie taglist xoxoxo @reidyoulikeabook @reidingmelodies @alltooreid @spacedikut @rigatonireid @multixfandomwriter @ssa-sarahsunshine @willowrose99 @sonnydoesrandomshit @spencerreid9 @mercy-burning @averyhotchner @luvofyourlifeliv @reid-me-a-story @obliviousreid @singularityjc @drspencerreidd @suburban--gothic @you-sunshine @taralewiz @spencersmagic @awritingtree @rem-ariiana @reidsacademia @s5spencerreid @blackbirdbella @altsvu @emilyprsntiss @bauemily @idonotexiste @imawhoreforu @opheli-yeah @stewie-castle @mxlti-fand0m-imaginess @doctcr-reid @muffin-cup
❝ astronomy - l.jn ❞
lee jeno x reader | angsty ish | 2k words
WARNINGS | TW: ptsd, anorexia, depression, mental illnesses, and being in a mental hospital, lowercase intended, non-idol au, strangers to lovers, angsty thought bc my lovely requester said they’d prefer angst, but not your typical angst because i’m so bad at writing it lol, fluff though because they do end up becoming lovers, as i’ve mentioned before this might be triggering for some people so please be aware that you are loved and cared for as you read this fic!
REQUEST | “Hi!!!!! I love your fics so much. I really really love them!! You are an amazing writer. I just saw that your requests are open. Can I request something? You can choose the member coz I bias all of them. I want the plot to be about a mental hospital. Both the reader and the member are patients and they help each other grow with their traumas and mistakes. You can make it fluff or angst. Anything. (I prefer angst☠️). This has been in my head for quite some time. Once again. I LOVE YOUUUU” - @darkacademiaskeletonmuseum <3
SUMMARY | you were his star, just as much as he was yours
AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by the song “astronomy” by conan gray! also kind of inspired by bts highlight reel with jungkook and that one girl :) anywas my love @darkacademiaskeletonmuseum requested this and im SO excited! i’m sorry this took a bit, since this is quite a sensitive topic i wanted this fic to be as accurate as possible! thank you for supporting my writing!! i don’t even know how this account came from writing for myself to making other people’s requests come to life fhajkdfhl i love taking requests. but i love love LOVE you and thank you for requesting bubs :)
lee jeno was everything you hated and loved in one.
he had the perfect body, and you hated it. he had the slimmest waist, and you despised him for it. he could eat a full course meal by himself and not gain a single pound, which you loathed him for.
you also hated the way his eyes would turn cold whenever he’d have an episode, or the way he’d look so lost looking at a trigger. you also hated how he’d sometimes push you away, saying he’s fine when he clearly wasn’t.
but you loved the way his eyes lit up when he saw something exciting. you loved his eye smile that reminded you of your precious samoyed waiting for you back home. you loved the way he’d spoon feed you your dinner just so you could pick up eating again. and you loved the way he’d hold you close at night whispering sweet nothings about how proud he was of you.
you loved and hated lee jeno.
❝ we’ve traveled the seas ❞
you remember the first night you met the boy of your dreams.
it had been your two month mark at the hospital, two whole months of forcing yourself to eat only to throw it up back up again. you were literally dying from the inside.
but it was like seeing the world in a new perspective once lee jeno came into your life.
he was the newest patient at the hospital and from what you heard eavesdropping some nurses, he was here for a severe case of ptsd. the boy rolled around on his wheelchair aimlessly, as if he wasn’t mentally there at all.
he’s so good looking, you thought to yourself as you hid behind the door of your room, peaking at the boy rolling through the hallways.
“i see you’ve taken quite a liking to the new boy?” one of the nurses popped out of nowhere, startling you. you tripped and landed on your butt, the cold tile floor meeting your bare thighs.
“holy shit minnie, you scared me.” you exclaimed, a hand on your heart. the woman only lightly kicked you with a frown. “don’t curse y/n it’s not good for your health.”
you rolled your eyes before sputtering up an excuse. “n-no i don’t like him like that.” you stuttered, turning red. suddenly the cold floor was very interesting.
“uhuh.” the nurse responded with a smirk. minnie then held out her hand, you taking it and standing back up again. “you should go talk to him~” she said in a sing-songy voice folding up some blankets on your bed.
“as if.” you scoffed before going back on your bed grumbling about how annoying the nurse was.
❝ we’ve ridden the stars ❞
“i swear i will lock you outside your room if you don’t just talk to the poor boy.” minnie threatened with a spatula in her hands. it had been a week of you ogling jeno, you hiding around in corners while watching him roll around the building.
“minnie you know i can’t do that.” you sighed, leaving your post at your door to lie back down on your bed. “what if i’m not pretty enough for him. i mean look at the dude, he’s stunning.”
the nurse only sighed as she sat down on the edge of your bed. “y/n, i promise you it’ll all be alright. besides if he ends up being a jerk, i won’t hesitate to give him the shitty food from the cafeteria.” minnie said with a smile as you laughed, knowing you’re making progress.
jeno felt as if his soul had left his body that night. it all went down so fast but it left a broken man in the dust. why couldn’t i have died that night?
jeno knew he needed help the moment the nightmares came, after the sweating and screaming, the intense flashbacks. jeno knew he had to get over it, what’s done was done.
so why can’t he go to sleep at night? why couldn’t he look at a car without hyperventilating?
everything he knew felt foreign and unsafe, which is why when jaemin suggested he go see a doctor the boy took his advice.
jeno wandered around the building with a sigh, his arms getting used to the feeling of pushing around his wheels. the wheelchair wasn’t necessary but because he fractured his ankle during a panic attack before he arrived, jeno was forced to use it.
besides, wheels were one of his triggers so it could help him overcome his panic attacks.
the frown on his face was evident as he looked down on the floor trying to get to the garden outside. he was about to turn the corner before a hand came into his vision, stopping him completely. he looked up and was met with the prettiest pair of eyes he’d ever seen.
the girl in front of him smiled, his heart racing for some unknown reason. she then put her hand out for a handshake, and that was when jeno knew he was fucked for life.
❝ we’ve seen everything from saturn to mars ❞
from that moment forward, the two of you hit it off. you were each other’s support system in the ugliest of moments, but a safe place for each other in the best of them as well. everyone adored the pair you two became to be, and minnie was your number one supporter.
“i told you it would be fine.” the nurse said as you sighed dramatically into your pillow. jeno had dropped you off to your room at night, his wheelchair no longer needed.
“he’s so perfect minnie.” you said with a smile on your face as the nurse chuckled and closed the nights for the night.
you knew you were in love with the soft puppy when jeno told you how much you meant to him. you had another bad day, all the food you were given couldn't seem to stay down. you refused to eat, and even jeno couldn’t convince you to take a bite.
everything seemed to be falling apart.
but as if jeno knew what you needed, he crept into your room at night startling you a bit. his strong arms circled around you, the warmth of his hoodie engulfing you up under the covers.
“i know today was a bad day my love, but i want you to know that i’m so proud of you for taking that one bite.” he whispered into your hair. you felt the tears well up in your eyes as the boy continued to talk into the darkness.
“you’re so strong and absolutely perfect the way you are. you’re gorgeous, and pretty, and beautiful, and never fail to take my breath away whenever i see you.”
the tears were streaming down your face as you hopelessly sobbed into jeno’s chest, one of his hands rubbing up and down your back in a soothing manner. your heart stopped as he confessed his last words.
“i love you y/n”
“i love you too jeno.” you hiccuped and just like that your bad day became the greatest day of your life.
❝ as much as it seems like you own my heart ❞
“minnie what do you mean i’m being transferred to another hospital.” you said with tears in your eyes as jeno and the nurse sat in your room.
you felt the anxiety creep up you as the head nurse of the hospital informed you that you would be moved to a different hospital. you were improving your health and didn’t need the urgent assistance that this hospital provided.
“i know it seems bad but i swear it’ll all be okay.” minnie said as you felt the tears fall down your cheeks. jeno’s eyes widened, rushing up to wipe the tears off your face.
“don’t cry my little star.” he said, looking into your glossy eyes. “we can still talk.” he stiffly said, knowing phone privileges had a certain time limit.
no matter how much he’d wish to be on call with you forever, jeno knew that wasn’t an option. facetime was practically non-existence since they were allowed to have their own phones.
“i don’t wanna leave you jen.” you pouted, the boy’s heart breaking at how lost you looked. minnie only observed from the side, not really wanting to third wheel but knowing you needed this moment with the love of your life.
jeno was your life, and the only thing you had to keep you going. if he was gone, how would you go on?
“i don’t want you to leave too bubba.” jeno confessed, not wanting to cry himself. “but this is a good thing. you’re overcoming your anorexia which i’m so proud of you for, and in a couple of months you and i will be out to live our lives.” he smiled caressing your cheek in his hand.
“i don’t want to interrupt but,” minnie started, the two of you blushing because you forgot the nurse was there. “he’s right. in a couple of months time you two would be released and then you can finally go out. no more late night garden dates.” she said as you turned to her in shock.
“you knew?” you asked, sniffling a bit.
“duh? how else would jeno get the keys to the door?” she said rolling her eyes. the boy in question only shrugged his shoulders cheekily as you sighed with a small smile on your face.
❝ it’s astronomy ❞
you bitterly sighed as you pulled your luggage behind you, the bag in one hand and jeno’s hand in the other.
today was the day you were leaving.
the hallways that were once filled with patients were filled with decorations, your name on every you could see. jeno had decided to plan a surprise going away party for you the day you left, and everything was amazing.
but now that it was time for you to actually leave the grounds, your heart raced with anxiety.
i don’t want to go, you thought to yourself looking around the place that nurtured you back to health for the past year.
you weren’t just leaving behind the love of your life, you were leaving your home. you were leaving minnie. you were leaving the late nights in the garden.
you were leaving your life.
“hey.” jeno said, squeezing your hand a little. you had unknowingly spaced out, the two of you already at the front of the car that’d take you to your new home.
“oh god.” you whispered, knowing this was it.
“i have a little something for you.” jeno confessed, taking back his hand. you frowned at the loss of warmth but nonetheless turned to face him with a confused face.
“what’s up my love.” you said worryingly. your gut wretched in fear as the boy rummaged through his pockets.
“y/n you know i love you with all my heart.” he started, stuttering a bit over his words. “so this is a little reminder that i’m always here with you.” jeno said as he brought out a box and opened it, a small necklace with a star pendant on it.
“for my favorite star.” he said turning you around to put it on. you were frozen in shock, not knowing how to react for a bit. you only stood silently as he put it on.
“y/n?” the boy asked fearfully, thinking you hated it. but his worries were put to rest as tackled him in a hug, the tears overflowing.
❝ we’re two worlds apart ❞
“i am hopelessly in love with you lee jeno.” you whispered into the boy’s ear in a tight hug.
“i am all the more in love with you y/n.” jeno said as you walked away with a bitter smile, wanting nothing more than to run back to the boy’s arms.
no matter how many worlds apart he is i’d love him through everything, you thought to yourself as you watched the boy wave at your car rolling into the road.
One of the other boys likes you-Alex Schroeder x Reader
Warnings: fluff, sadness of course. I think that’s it!
Summary: “One of the other boys likes you” in this case: Tanner loves you while you’re with Alex.
ok, so in this one, the reader gets the 18th floor as their sleeping arrangement and Chelsea gets somewhere else. Just wanted to let you know! Also, I know this is out of order and early but, I love you guys and wanted you to have it early! I love you to the moon and to Saturn!
(gif not mine!)
Waking up on the day of your stay at the Statler was nerve-racking, after hearing about all of the accounts, and not being able to sleep with all of the thoughts running through your mind. So there you were sitting next to Alex with bleary eyes trying to keep yourself from just falling against him and crashing out. Everyone could tell that you were exhausted and it worried them a bit, but they knew you would pull through, you always did. You just needed some coffee, and the day to start instead of just sitting where you were trying to keep your eyes open.
Alex looked over at you and lifted his arm, inviting you to curl up beside him and that is exactly what you did. You looked up at your boyfriend and smiled sleepily, he grinned before leaning down to press a short kiss on your lips then making sure to place one on your nose as well. You sighed in content before letting yourself relax into his hold. Just as Tanner walked into the front of the RV he noticed you and Alex and his heart sunk. He had been in love with you since high school, but you were his best friend and the first person you told that you were dating Alex after loving him for so long. His heart was immediately crushed at the news he got back in Junior year. Seeing you with him now, even more in love than before, was incredibly difficult for him.
Instead of sitting on the couch, he sat at the table trying his best to not think about it anymore. “Are you guys ready for The Statler?” Dakota asked. “Um, no,” Chelsea said and Dakota grinned.
“Tanner? You ready?” he asked him, “To be honest, I’m excited but honestly I’m scared too.” he expressed and Dakota nodded. Alex looked down at you and smiled at how sweet you looked fast asleep next to him. He looked back up when he heard Dakota ask him if he was ready. “No, not really, and I’m sure she’s not either,” he said and once again glanced down at you. “Yeah she looks exhausted, poor thing,” Chelsea said. “She had a hard time sleeping last night, the whole packet read put her on edge pretty badly,” Alex said. “It was a tough one this time,” Dakota said. “I think we should really keep an eye on her tonight,” Alex spoke up again. Tanner nodded his head in agreement. “I think that would be the best idea,” he said.
You had been gently shaken awake by your boyfriend who placed a kiss on your cheek when he saw your eyes begin to flutter open. You looked at him groggily and smiled. “Hi,” you mumbled sleepily. “Hey babe,” he said and smiled right back at you. You turned to face everyone to see they all had their cameras out and so you immediately tried to rub the sleep from your eyes and grabbed your camera. “Crap, I’m so sorry guys.” you apologized quickly. “Don’t be sorry, you were exhausted, we’re just glad you got some sleep before tonight,” Tanner said and smiled brightly at you. You smiled back, still with sleep lingering on your features. He couldn’t help but admire you like that, he wanted so badly to wake up to those sleepy eyes and lazy smile. While Alex held the camera with both hands you placed one of yours on his leg comfortingly tracing small patterns. It was always a sweet gesture you made and it never failed to make Alex smile, and Tanner wish he was in his place.
“Okay. we are back on the road. Now we are going to a coffee shop. We’re gonna meet with a lady named Kristie. She is a paranormal investigator, a psychic, and she’s been to the Statler many times.” Dakota explained to everyone what was going to happen that day. You nodded your head in understanding. “Oh, nice,” Tanner said. “Yeah,” Dakota agreed. “I’m excited to see what she has to say.” you said, “It’s definitely gonna be interesting,” Dakota said.
“How are you guys feeling, like, rest-wise?” he asked and you chuckled knowing you had just woken up. “I’m definitely under the weather,” Tanner said and your eyes widened a bit. “Yeah?” Dakota asked. “100% under the weather,” he reaffirmed. You had worry clouding your eyes. You got up from your spot instantly to sit next to Dakota across from Tanner so you could reach over and feel for a temperature. He chuckled at your motherly actions. “No, this isn’t funny. Are you ok? Do you need anything?” you asked with your brows furrowed in concern. He grabbed your hand gently and just held it for a second before setting it down. “I don’t need anything right now ok. Really,” he told you. You looked at him skeptically. “You, swear to tell me if anything changes.” you pointed a finger at him. Everybody chuckled, and he nodded his head. “I swear,” he said and you nodded your head. You leaned back in your seat, still next to Dakota not wanting to be too far from your best friend in case he needed you at all. Alex looked at you with a big smile, you could see how much he loved you just from the way he looked at you and smiled when you did things like what you did with Tanner just then. He loved how loving you were.
You were like that the rest of the day for him, you even offered to go to the hospital with him, but he literally had to tell you no. Were you upset about not getting to go with him because of how worried you were? Yes. Yes, you were.
You all got back to the RV after speaking with Kristie and your mind kept wandering to if Tanner was ok or not. Alex could see the worry etched across your face and pulled you close to him. You buried your face in his chest and sighed heavily. “Al, I’m worried,” you told your boyfriend. He could hear the crack in your voice. You had always gotten emotional when the people you loved weren’t at their best, it made you worry and jump to conclusions.
He pulled you away from him a bit so he could wipe a few stray tears from your face. “Baby, he’ll be ok.” Alex comforted you. You looked up at him with glistening eyes and a trembling bottom lip, he placed a hand on your cheek and rested his forehead against yours. “Everything will be ok. He’ll be ok,” he said and pressed a kiss on your lips shortly before moving away to let you completely tuck yourself beside him on the small couch. “I just want- I just want him to feel better you know. I hate seeing any of you guys feeling bad like that, cause I can’t just fix it, I can’t make it go away, I can’t make it better,” you explained as you reached over to hold his hand tightly. Chelsea and Dakota looked over at you and sighed. It was in times like these that they came to realize just how much you loved and cared for them.
Each of you had your cameras out, and the day had begun to settle into a softer evening now.
“I haven’t heard anything from Tanner yet. He’s not answering his phone or anything.” Dakota said and your hand instantly reached out to find Alex’s. Though he was holding the camera he managed as always to hold your hand tightly, while using the other to help steady the camera.
“I have a bad feeling about this, but, I’m hoping he’s gonna be able to make it tonight but…” Chelsea trailed off. “I can’t even imagine not having him with us tonight,” you stated, and everyone nodded in agreement.
“We have to have him, he can’t miss this one. This is the biggest location we’re going to.” Dakota said. “And there’s a chance that he still might come with us right?” Chelsea asked her brother. “Yeah, I still think it’s a 50/50. I don’t really know.” Dakota said. You took a deep breath, and Alex had begun to notice the grip on his hand was so tight. He picked up your hand and placed a kiss on it soothingly. You looked over at him and smiled softly knowing that Alex was there for you.
The sound of a car pulling up quickly drew your attention to the window. “I think that’s him,” Dakota said. You immediately sat up straighter and tried to get a good look out the window, your boyfriend also had to get up and maneuver around to get a good shot out the window. You chuckled a bit at his actions and he looked down at you quickly and smiled at the small giggle that escaped you.
“He doesn’t look good,” Dakota said. “I’m just glad that he’s out of the hospital,” you said and Chelsea agreed with you. “He does not look happy,” Dakota said.
He walked through the door and immediately you were up to greet him. Your arms were around him tightly, and he reciprocated just the same. Seeing how much you cared for him made his heartbeat even faster every time you showed that love and affection. He knew it would only ever be platonic to you but he would savor any amount of time he got to have you close to him like you were right now.
You let go to let him sit down and when he did you reached over to take his hand in yours comfortingly. “So, went to the doctors told them, kind of like, you know, the whole what we’re doing. You know, we’re in abandoned locations it’s dusty all that jazz. There’s black mold in some of these places. So what they decided the smartest thing to do is for me to get an X-ray. So I did two X-rays and, um…” Tanner kind of trailed off and your eyes got wide in fear. You had no idea what you were going to hear him say but it didn’t sound like it would be very good news.
“They gave me a clear bill of health,” he said. You let out a heavy sigh of relief and squeezed his hand tightly. “So you can come tonight?” Dakota asked. “So I can go tonight,” Tanner confirmed.
You shut your eyes tightly and let go of his hand, you could already feel yourself tearing up. You never understood why you got so emotional, but you couldn’t help it.
“Oh my gosh yes!” Chelsea said in relief that Tanner could in fact do the overnight. “I wanted to see if you guys cared or not,” Tanner said. Chelsea leaned against him in a big hug. Everyone had smiles on their faces, and then there was you. Sitting there with shiny eyes and a relief-flooded heart. He looked over at you and saw that you had tears in your eyes. Immediately he got up to pull you into a hug.
“Why are you crying, what’s wrong?” he asked in concern. You held him tighter. “I was so worried, and I’m so glad that you’re ok because I hate seeing you not feel good. I’m so happy you get to come with us, I’m so happy you’re ok.” your voice cracked. He felt his heart hurt just a bit at the fact that you were so worried about him. He knew you cared, but he had no clue it would affect you like it did. “Don’t cry, I’m ok. You know, I’d never miss a location like this one.” he felt you nod and pull away to wipe your tears. “I’m sorry, I just love you guys and hate seeing any of you down and out like that. It breaks my heart,” you told them. He hugged you one last time and you kissed his cheek softly before each of you sat down again. He could feel his face heat up and tried to hide it as best as he could. This was gonna be a long night for him. And little did you know, but it would be an even longer night for you.
Here you were after an insanely long night that was not near over yet. You had gotten the 18th floor for your sleeping arrangement and you were absolutely horrified. Your boyfriend got the basement and so the only person you would be able to reach on the walkie was Tanner. Your boyfriend was helping you set up your sleeping arrangement before he went down to his and your stomach was already turning. Before you sat down on your cot you wrapped your arms around him and sighed heavily trying not to break.
“Alex, I’m scared, and I can’t reach you,” you said and held him tightly. “I swear babe, everything will be ok. Tanner is one call away, he would never let anything happen to you especially knowing I’m not here and if he didn’t I would kick his ass,” he said and kissed your head. You looked up at him, you could barely see him but you could tell he was looking down at you. You reached up blindly and your hand landed perfectly on his cheek and you smiled. He leaned down and kissed you softly for a few seconds before pulling away. “You’ll be ok baby. I know it. I love you so much.” he said and kissed you one more time. “I love you too Alex, please be careful here ok,” you said and you felt him nod against your hand. “I will be.” he kissed your head. You gave him one last hug before he turned to get back on the elevator.
Since he left you felt like you were being watched. You heard what sounded like voices down the hallway, and you could’ve sworn you felt something move by you.
Your breathing got heavier when you heard a crashing sound down the hall. You let out a scream when you heard a scream. You felt tears well up in your eyes and immediately you were on your walkie trying to get ahold of your best friend.
“Tanner,” you spoke with a shaky voice. “(y/n)? Are you ok?” he asked, noticing how shaken you sounded. “Um, I know- I know it’s a bit early into the night but can you please get up here. Please, I’m really scared, I don’t feel safe at all.” you almost cried through the walkie. Tanner was immediately up with his camera and on his way to the elevator.
“I’m on my way right now, just sit tight ok. I’m almost there,” he told you, trying to keep you calm.
There was a huge crashing sound behind you and it sounded like something falling and hitting the ground hard. You remembered at the end of the hall Dakota and Alex caught a shadow figure who you all assumed to be one of the heart attack victims. You let out a scream when you heard the sound again. Just as Tanner exited the elevator he heard you scream and ran over to you. You were curled in on yourself trying to get away from the things going on around you. You felt someone grab you and you screamed again. “It’s just me. Hey, (y/n), it’s Tanner. Open your eyes, you’re ok. You’re safe.” he said and tried to pry your hands away from your eyes.
Your eyes flew open and you stared wide-eyed at your best friend who was kneeling right in front of you. You wrapped your arms around him, and let some tears fall not knowing how to control your fear at the moment. He held you tightly.
“I keep hearing voices and what sounds like something hitting the floor or something. It’s just all so loud, and it’s everywhere.” you cried to him. He took your face in his hands and wiped your tears as best as you could. “You’re ok now. I won’t let anything hurt you, I promise,” he said and you nodded your head.
“Will you stay with me?” you asked hesitantly. He looked at you and nodded his head. “Of course I will. I won’t leave you,” he said and sat next to you pulling you into his side. You relaxed against your best friend and let out a heavy sigh. He looked down at you and wanted so badly to be able to be the one to kiss you and just take it all away. He wanted to be the one to protect you like this every night, and he couldn’t help but just want to hold you through the whole night until you felt ok again.
He wanted you to love him the way he loved you, but he knew he could never do that to you or Alex.
Through the night, he got what he wanted. He got to hold you until the morning until Alex came to get you. The morning came and when Alex got to your floor he saw that you were sitting there with Tanner. You looked exhausted and scared, and Alex’s heart broke at the sight.
“What happened?” he asked frantically. Tanner and you looked up at the sound of his voice and you immediately stood up and stumbled your way over to him. His stuff is on the floor the second you let yourself fall against him. You knew the night wouldn’t have affected you this much if you were in a good state of mind. Alex knew you were going through so much and you weren’t sleeping well. “Baby, what happened?” he asked gently cradling you against him trying to give you that sense of safety you had been lacking for so long. You felt safe with Tanner, but with Alex, it wasn’t just safety, it was security and love, and a full set of armor guarding you against the world.
You could barely even talk and so Tanner spoke up for you. “She kept hearing things and feeling breezes like someone was just pacing by her. She needed me to stay with her.” Tanner explained to Alex. “Thank you, Tanner. Thank you so much man really. If you weren’t here tonight I don’t know what would’ve happened.” Alex thanked his best friend. He nodded. “Of course, I’m always here for her, and you ok. Whenever,” he told Alex.
You still held onto your boyfriend, reveling in the security his arms gave you. You heard Tanner begin to walk away but you break away from Alex to stop him. “Tanner, wait a second,” you said and tugged on his sleeve. He turned to look at you, and you wrapped your arms around him tightly.
“Thank you for keeping me safe through the night,” you said. And his eyes went wide but he closed them tightly before holding you tighter. “I’d do it again,” he reassured you. You leaned up and kissed his cheek.
He smiled down at you. “Let’s get out of here now huh?” he asked and you nodded hastily. You stepped back to your boyfriend just to see that he had already begun to put your things away so you could carry them out. You went to help him, you grabbed your things from him and you headed to the elevator. You all got on and pressed the button to take you back down. You stood next to your boyfriend, your head was leaning on his shoulder, you finally began to feel a sense of peace.
When you got outside and finished wrapping up, you all got into the RV. you were all ready to move on from that and to say you weren’t excited for what was to come would and wouldn’t be a lie. You were scared and nervous but you were also excited and curious.
You sat curled up next to Alex, already half asleep. He kissed your head and let his lips linger for a while before moving to rest his cheek on the top of your head. “You’re safe sweet girl, get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” Alex whispered to you and your eyes fluttered fully shut and you relaxed. Your breathing evened out, and he held you securely in his arms making sure you knew you were ok.
Tanner took one last look at you in Alex’s arms and knew he had to just live with the fact that you would never be his. He needed to continue to be happy that you and his best friend are happy together. Knowing you cared for him as you did would have to be enough, and in time it would be.
Bad Ideas_Ch. 1
Hey guys, I'm back with a new story.
*First*: I want to apologize if I tagged you in case you didn't want to. Unfortunately I mixed up my tag list so please even if you don't read this story let me know if you're on my blog's
1. Dean tags or 2.series tags or 3.oneshot tags.
And reblog so the others see this post too. Thanks
**Second*I'm planning on finishing this story in 2 parts but sometimes it can take longer so no promises.
Dean x Reader
This chapter words~4k
Series Warning: +18, a/b/o relationships, Dom/Sub(No details. You know I hate spoilers), Angst, Smut, Unprotected sex (You're wiser that that), Cheating, Language, Hurt reader
Summary: She was supposed to get married and imprint her beloved wolf but what happens when a dominant hunter shows up to hunt them?
This chapter song: Wild by John legend feat Gary Clark Jr. Listen here
And I stole @jay-and-dean 's divider *sorry*
Happy reading and may you leave me something cause feedbacks are writer's fuel.
Mad, Sad, pretty, savage, seductive, crazy!
An obvious alpha.
I knew it from the first time I laid my eyes on her.
Couple of weeks ago I was at a luxury restaurant in my Fed suit to meet a businessman who could be involved in our new case. Doing that random investigation, I was getting convinced that there ain't any useful information and he was nothing but a waste of the time. So I excused myself and left the table to call Sam in the lobby. He had to know it was a dead end. But just when I was putting my phone back in my pocket, someone grabbed my arm from behind and pushed me against the wall out of blue.
"Say your name."
Wasn't my first time to face a seductive woman but for some unknown reason her whisper sent a shiver down my spine and I couldn't stop my eyes from gazing at her curves in that elegant black outfit.
"Listen. I got myself into this awful situation where I had to face this filthy woman announcing everyone in my birthday party that she was sleeping with my fiance. So before he show up to stop me, I need you to help them realizing something very important about me. And that help will be appreciated. So make your mind. You can just simply say your name and mention your price or I will kill you to make a scene and skip everyone's pitty looks part." She told me, running her right leg up, between my legs. To make me feel the bulge of her thigh holester underneath her dress: *She had a gun*
Wetting my lips, I looked down into her eyes for a second. She had some make up on but I knew enough to be sure that wild look couldn't be fake. She was a werewolf who probably had no idea what she got herself into.
"Name's Dean." I bit on my lip. Why I let her know my real name? I had no idea. I didn't want to think about it either. I just wanted to hold my gaze there, Letting myself to catch on those burning flames in her eyes.
"And sorry sweetheart. I'm off the sale."
I brought my lips closer to her ear so she could hear my whisper. However I hadn't to bend so much. Even without those elegant highheels, she was taller than a normal chick.
"What do you want, then?" She almost hissed on my lips before I pushed her back.
"Maybe I want you to be even more angry. Who knows?" I joked, distracting her for a second by my intentional smirk.
"You are a hunter, aren't you?" This time she surprised.
"What?" I narrowed my eyes and peaked out the tongue to wet my lips when she turned around for a second to catch a glimpse of whoever was approaching us.
"Just save my honor and then I'm yours. Kill, rape, torture. I don't mind anymore." There was no regret, shame or sorrow in her tone. She just stated it like a random proven fact. No hesitation, no hard feelings, no doubts. She was speaking like a smart commander in a war field, negotiating with her enemy to just save the day.
And to be honest I was stunned by that behavior. I know that I could resist her when she right away reached out but the thing is I didn't want to. As soon as she snaked her arms around my neck, her smell surrounded me like a trap. A captivating one. So pleasant! Then her lips were on mine in a shameless open-mouthed kiss. With her tongue dancing with mine.
I closed my eyes and immediately blood started to run wild in my veins. Every fiber, every cell were reacting to her warm body against my cold existence. It felt strange. I never was aroused by a kiss this fast. Not even when I was just a virgin teen.
"Y/n?!" A gruff voice called her. So she had to draw an unintentional groan out of me to break the kiss.
"That's him." She murmured on my lips. And I opened my eyes to look at a tall man in his fancy tuxedo. He was handsome. But not as much as he was wealthy. His watch could cost the whole hotel itself!
"What are you doing?" Eyes burning, he stared at me. Like he was watching the most terrible scene ever in his life.
"Well, ..." She smiled mischievously, getting out of my arms to stand next to me.
"Just enjoying my heat with a man who actually can handle it." She stated, smiling with her head up, radiating power.
"What..." The man's gaze shifted between us in disbelief.
"What do you ... what does ..." He was getting red by anger. And it seemed she couldn't care less.
"This is a break up, Jamie. I'm done with your endless excuses. I'm done with you, sleeping around while you can't even satisfy my needs in the bed. I need a better man."
"You're … how you … can …" The man stuttered, shaking his head in disbelief. I looked around and found out people were gathering around us slowly. From the corner of my eyes I spotted two hunk in suits in front of the main door. They were definetaly bodyguards.
"That's it. We are done." She announced while everyone held their breath; watching her taking off her ring and throwing it toward her newly "ex".
"Y/N! …" The man took a step forward. His eyes were on fire and rage. Still his tone was soft, unlike his rough voice. "You can't do this. It's just a misunderstanding."
"Misunderstanding?" She laughed, tilting her head. Everyone could see how her fangs looked perfectly white and sharp: Ready, challenging, threatening!
"Is that so, Jamie?" She mocked before bringing out her phone out of her tiny clutch, throwing it to the guy after playing a video on it. By the noises I could hear, it was a sex type that made the man sweating bullets in no time.
"Now get the fuck out of my way and out of my life." She retorted, grabbing my hand. And as I was planning to win over the two bodyguards who mightly would stop us, we just reached to the main front door.
"Miss Y/l/N …" To my surprise, one of the bodyguards approached us politely. looking cool, calm, and all in control.
"You two can go home, Mark. I'm gonna spend the night with …" She hesitated and shut her eyes for a second to remember my name:
"… Dee. We probably need some private time for the next few days. I'll call you when I feel I need to get back home. But til that, I don't want any interruptions." She declared and by her steady and sure tone I could say she used to talk with them.
"Just don't let Jamie get close to me ever again." She cut the bodyguard's word carelessly and then turned her face to look at me.
"You got any car?"
"Of course I do." I gave her my most proud smile.
"Ok then. Let's go out of here. I don't want to even take one more breath in here anymore."
I watched enough movies and read enough comics and slept with enough women to know that Y/n was a whole different savage alpha.
She was on the baby's seat in just her one single layer fancy dress that barely covered her body while it was freezing cold outside. To the point I could feel the chill in my FBI suit and coat the moment we walked out of the hotel. And still she protested me when I turned on baby's heater.
"She was pregnant." She said bluntly, a few minutes later, looking out of the window like she could see anything in road at that dark night through baby's steamed up glass.
I looked over her and catch a glimpse of her tears before she could wipe them.
"I can't believe he did this to me. Out of all the people, Jamie was the last one I expected him to betray me." She was hurting but her voice wasn't shaky. She still sounded more angry than sad.
"Maybe he didn't. Maybe the chick misused the hit of a moment to trick him."
*Why I'm defending him? He is a freaking werewolf!*
I had no idea! Maybe I was trying to soothe her pain. But Why?
"Yeah, maybe. But after all he is the one who let the devil in!" Her sound wasn't more than a whisper but it woke the old screams of my guiltyconscience in my head:
*How many times I had let the devil get in me?*
"Screw him." She said through her clenched teeth. Then she threw her head back and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "Screw him. Screw dad. And screw the whole royal pack. Screw everything!"
I sighed, knowing she will be angry for a while. So I turned on the radio, changing the stations to find something that might distract her. I just didn't need to watch that lady's upcoming tears.
I … wanna take you so far.
Out past the Saturn rings
And into my heart
The rhythm catched my attention immediately. It sounds like a nice song. A comforting one.
I wanna drive you
Wild, wild, wild
I wanna love you
For miles and miles
I chuckled, patting Baby on the wheels.
We can go slow,
we don't need to rush
I'll take the wheel,
make you feel every touch
I wanna drive you
Wild, wild, wild
"Where is the lie, Baby? I always do." I chuckled, enjoying how the song perfectly suit us.
"Are you talking to me or to your old ass car?"
I was so ready to make Y/n regret that harsh remark, yet when I turned to give her my deadliest frown, she got me almost chocked on my tongue.
A lace black lingerie hanging around the right knee, she had her legs wide open on my passenger seat, playing with her bare core with her delicate fingers while her left foot was using dashboard to support her weight.
Lay on the passenger's side
Tell me how fast you want
We'll get there tonight
Her right strap dropped when she jolted in her sex fever, almost revealing whole of her bare chest. And all of this was happening while she still had her eyes closed, panting in pain. I felt like I lost the ability to even form a God damn sound.
Oh, fire, you set me on fire
I swear you're the only one
I'd take on this ride
"What … are you … doing?!" My voice sounded horrible, scratchy and far. I darted my tongue to wet my lips but my mouth was already dry by watching her. It was no surprise that she didn't noticed my question. She was already lost in her body. Her neck was glistening under road's occasional faint lights and now all I could feel was her warmth in the small room of the car, already surrendered to her astounding smell, in middle of a freaking winter night.
… Oh, oh
Wanna love you
Wanna touch you
Wanna drive you
Wild, wild, wild …
I jumped out of my skin when a sudden honk drew my attention out … to the road and I finally noticed the truck that could crash us to hell if I couldn't rotate the wheel just on time.
*Dang* Something beside me hit the windshield the moment I stepped on the break. Then a shattering sound cut the air.
"Y/N!" I screamed, trying to pull over without making any other mess.
"Hey … you hear me?" I asked as I turned to see her face buried in her hairs on the dashboard. A part of the windshield was broken in an oval shape, broken pieces scattered mostly on the passenger side while the rest of it had some cracks on.
"Y/N!" I called her again but when I couldn't get any answer, I get out of the car to circulate baby and open the passenger door.
"Hey … look here, can you hear me?" I pulled her carefully back, to rest her head against the seat, securing her neck between my hands. That was when my eyes catched on the sight of a deep cut on her forehead, right under the hair line. And it was bleeding.
She moaned, goosebumps raised on her skin everywhere around my fingers.
"I think I need to lay down on the back seat." She said, before opening her eyes.
"Are you in pain?" I couldn't help myself, not knowing why I suddenly would care that much?
She smiled and I reached to wipe the oozing blood on my thumb.
"I got a first-aid box in my trunk. Just wai…"
Before I could finish my saying and right as I started to withdraw, she grabbed my arm to hold me still.
"No, help me to the back seat." For a second I got lost in her eyes, feeling an odd fultter in the dip of my stomach, pulling me like a meaningless swarf toward the magnet of her wondrous touch.
Mostly humans know that drinking sea water or getting hit by a gunshot can cause their death. But could that knowledge stop them from exploring oceans or fighting for their honor in the war fields?
Well, I was a human too. A human who could be attracted to unknowns, being aware that it could be very dangerous. Or maybe more marvelous.
"You ok?" I asked as soon as I had her on my back seat, gazing at the sweat running down on the side of her face while one of my legs were resting inside of car, the other: still out, planted on the ground.
"I think I've hurt my back." I spotted a tremor in her voice as she avoided my puzzled look and stared down to her lap like she was hiding a secret there. Was that weapon still hidden there in that holster?
I checked my gun to be where it should've been. If she (as a werewolf) was up to kill me (as a hunter), I knew this could be her best shot. And honestly if It was me, I would've used the same trick.
"Are you gonna wait there for the rest of the night?" She raised her eyebrows and instantly hissed as the deep cut on her forehead got wrinkled with this simple move.
Taking a deep breath, I pulling myself completely in and closed the door behind. Well, I was aware that without any way out, she could've killed me much easier. But what kind of human could touch the moon without taking any fetal risk?
However I still didn't want to hurt her. So I hoped she wouldn't do what an enemy should do.
As I was all ready to confront her attack, she slightly turned her back to me. Then she grabbed her long hair and put them aside, giving me the access to her spine.
"Can you check it for me?"
Well, if she wanted to play, I was game too. In the end, I had killed enough werewolves to know how I could manage an alpha one like her. But … it was about something more. Something way stronger: A wild need and an ancient desire to touch her bare skin on my fingertips, tongue and teeth. A perfect example of a hunter and his prey. And yet … I was feeling like the first man who was about to discover the fire too.
"Do you want me to unzip it?" I asked to be sure. Never wanted her to feel like I would hurt her honor just because we were enemies. Even when touching her was all I could think about at the moment.
"Yes, please." She whispered and I noticed the same burning wish in her soft tone. So I couldn't help my fingers run their way on her back and touch the velvety fabric of her outfit.
She inhaled loudly as I unzipped the dress, watching the goosebumps raising on her skin as I was tracking down on her spine.
"I don't think you got any wound here."
"Then why I'm in pain?" She asked, leaning back to me. And I subconsciously pulling her dress down, not knowing why my everything wanted to touch her more?
"Hunter." Her breaths got quickened and as she rested her head back on my right shoulder and nuzzled her nose in my neck, I could tell she was still burning up.
"I'm in heat." She said, panting. And that was the moment I realized she was already lost by just imagining me inside of her.
"Dean ..." She whined as her hand found the side on my head.
"Dean, I need you." With that she pushed me down to claim my lips in a lustful kiss.
I could be a caveman or a scientist, or even an astronaut but for sure she was more than a thunderstorm or the electricity or even the mars itself.
"Ah … " She whimpered, her body twisted in my arms, like an angry wounded animal that was seeking for a remedy. From her owner.
"This is such a bad idea." I said as my hands grabbed her waist, trying to control her moves when she started to roll her hips impatiently.
"That's what people always say. To Galileo, To Da Vinci, even to ..." She claimed, taking my fingers with her delicate ones, to guide my hands up on her body.
" … to whoever with … " I stole her breath as my hands reached to her soft breasts.
"With the …"
She took a shaky breath to keep herself together. But I was that man who just had landed on the moon and now wasn't able to stop trying. So I grazed my teeth on the skin of her neck, marking her with a hickey right as I squeezed her breasts, giving her aroused nipples the special attention they deserved with my thumbs. Well, she fought to not fall apart and I had to fill her blank spaces:
"Best ideas?" I asked before biting on her lips, feeling the burning heat that was coming out of her skin. Could moon ever be the sun too?
"Hunter!" She almost cried as my left hand travels down on her belly and hips to find her already swelled bud and part her labia. "HUNTER!"
This time she really screamed as my thumb brushed her bud again while my other two digits sank in her warm core. Her walls sucked on my fingers.
I was still rubbing her nipple with my other hand when she dug her nails in my arms.
"No!" She gasped.
"No? I thought you said it's not a bad idea."
I whispered before taking her earlobe between my teeth and pulled on it as her back fought hard to arch against my body. She got speechless, drown in whatever the black hole we both had fallen into. Now time and place were lost for us so I tightened my arms more around her body.
"Shush, alpha. Take it easy." I said as I removed my fingers from where I was making her weak. And that was out of the bare truth of a human's nature. We love to possess and we love to own. Even if it's the moon and the sun or maybe a lost star in the Infinity of the universe.
She jolted forward in ecstasy and I had to grabbed her wrists firmly before she could end herself: "No."
"Please! … God." She whimpered. Thighs shaking with need and thirst. But I knew better.
"My name is Dean."
But what else could make a negligible creature like me feel like a God more than this wolf of women during her pleasure?
I kissed her shoulder and hugged her from behind, letting her cool down as our warmth were mixing in the small room of the car. She was panting again.
I turned her chin toward my face, tasting her lips in an open mouthed and yet tender kiss, taking my time to draw some deep moans out of her chest.
Til she was nothing more than a pounding heart or a throbbing mess and a mind which had already got blind by lust.
Somehow I wanted this prideful moment to last forever.
"Deeaaaan!" She rubbed her thighs against each other, trying her best to control her wild necessity to come. I could tell it was making her mad cause now she couldn't even sit up in my lap.
"Lay down, sweetheart" I encouraged. And as she did, I got rid of our clothes as soon as I could. When I was done, I noticed her passionate gaze on me.
"You'll be the death of me!" She admitted and I bent to lick her along her jaw.
"No, I need you alive. We still got some dirty work to do."
My whisper made her shiver. And moan. Again and again.
Looking down, I watched how her body were twisting under me, once more rubbing her thights together as I was holding her wrists up beside her head.
"Open up, alpha." I commended, reaching to her core, making her pants in pain as I mercilessly squeezed her bud.
She took another shaky breath, as she parted her legs for me. So I take the advantage to lube myself with her juice as she was already dripping.
"I said don't come yet." I slapped her breast and bent to bite her hard on the other one, sliding myself in her velvety heaven.
"DEAN!" She cried and her eyes rolled. And I tried to freeze this image in my mind. Could a God be more proud of himself?
But It was just the beginning. I decided to start my favorite rhythm to slam into her. And kept watching her bliss and how her soft and round breast were bouncing every time out hips met.
"You're doing good, sweetheart. I know you can." I could not stopped my smile when I realized she'd almost fainted, fighting against her mad orgasm.
"Aa…ha." She tried to answer but it sounded more like a painful moan which I muffled it in a kiss. Sweet and sore. Wet and shameless. We now were a part of one another. The mystery was solved. The cold God was melting in the arms of the sun. The man kind had won the moon.
"Come." I groaned and her walls clenched around me, sucking me inside of her.
Her back arched violently and I had to clutched at the leather seats to keep myself up when an unstoppable rush of pleasure hit both of us.
And just like that, we made the big trouble. The gravity that could swallow our futures all together …
"To be continued".
Temporary tag list: @akshi8278 @adoptdontshoppets @slamminmine @missafairy @anunstablefangirl @lauraashley93 @mimaria420 @roonyxx @chocolateheart @cocahood @pandaxo79 @bennyspengwing @holylulusworld
Vedic Astrology observations part 1
In Vedic astrology, we usually go a sign back from western astrology (technically 24’ before) in Vedic astrology, so according to that for example, if you’re a libra rising, you become a virgo rising in Vedic astrology and so on and so forth. All planets will also shift back a sign, so a Capricorn Mercury will become a Sagittarius Mercury. So in the case you’re reading for a western chart, keep these things in mind.
The mothers of Aries ascendants love milk. Similarly, for Taurus and Virgo ascendants, the siblings are fond of milk. The fathers of Scorpio and Libra ascendants love milk.
People with Moon in Sagittarius love garlic and onion, and all sorts of root vegetables.
South node Ketu in the 5th house either gives you 3 children, or it makes you a Caesarian (born by c-section and not naturally)
Mars/Saturn conjunct Moon in Gemini gives you skin issues.
Venus in Taurus makes someone an obsessive lover or gives them stalkers.
Gemini in your 4th house makes your mother have crooked fingers. In your 11th or 3rd house makes your sibling have crooked fingers.
if you have Mercury or Moon in early degrees of Taurus or late degrees of Aries, you may cut people in conversations.
Saturn in 12th house gives troubles sleeping.
Venus, Saturn or Moon in 12th gives people paranormal experiences.
North node Rahu in 3rd house or 6th house makes people good with technology.
Jupiter and Moon’s mutual aspect makes people extremely lucky, almost unusually so.
Saturn in 7th house makes the person skinny. Jupiter in the 7th house makes it tough for them to lose weight.
Moon in early degrees of Gemini or late degrees of Taurus makes people so incredibly curious. It also makes them far too invested in the unusual, especially romantically they like unconventional people.
Moon in Gemini makes the person an outcaste themselves. They may have friends, but they themselves feel misunderstood. They love animals more than people with this position.
Sun in Capricorn gives motherly fathers. Venus in Sagittarius gives academically smart fathers. Saturn in Aquarius gives draconian style strict fathers, especially if conjunct Sun
Moon or ascendant in Libra makes people so confused between the spiritual and material world.
Venus in Virgo is a placement of narcissistic people. So is Venus in Taurus.
Venus in Virgo people beautiful hands. They might have ‘healing hands’. Their hands save them on occasions with quick reflexes. Mercury in Taurus gives stunning hands.
Saturn in Taurus makes people fickle and not care too much about their efforts in something.
South node Ketu in 6th house makes animals fond of someone, but the person themselves may see them as obligations and liabilities, especially pets.
South node Ketu in 6th house may give people ADHD and have trouble focussing on their routines. These are professional procrastinators.
Sun in Aries gives your father unimaginable luck in life. In early degrees, your father is bound to have siblings with whom he doesn’t get along. He’s the most successful among his siblings.
Venus in Pisces makes people devoted to God and spirituality, and may not be interested in love. In the last few degrees, such people may hear voices in their head from angels and ancestors.
North node Rahu in the first house makes people really tall. South node Ketu in the first house gives you massive eyes.
Moon in Sagittarius often makes you have a carefree attitude about life, you don’t even get phased by death of known people. You have trouble connecting with emotions.
Different Song Lyrics that Remind Me of Newtmas
hi I just watched The Death Cure for the first time two days ago and now im in the feels so I made this through crying
enjoy me passing my pain off to y’all
- “Just let me go, we’l meet again soon. Now wait, wait, wait, for me. Just hang around, I’ll see you when I fall asleep.” Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men
- “And I’ll use you as a warning sign, that if you talk enough sense then you’ll lose your mind.” I Found - Amber Run
- “But it was not your fault but mine. And it was your heart on the line. I really f*cked it up this time, didn’ I my dear?” Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons
- “Though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore.” Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men
- “You’re gone, gone, gone away, I watched you disappear, all that’s left is a ghost of you.” Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men
- “You said forever now I drive alone past your street.” Drivers License, Olivia Rodrigo
- “Thought we had the time, had our lives, now you’ll never get older, older. Didn’t say goodbye now I’m frozen in time getting colder, colder. One last word, one last moment, to ask you why you left me here behind.” You said You’d Grow Old With Me - Michael Shulte
- “I will see you again, this is not where it ends, I will carry you with me, till I see you again.” See You Again - Carrie Underwood
- “You’ve got your peace now, but what about me?” You said You’d Grow Old With Me - Michael Shulte
- “I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. Take me back to the night we met.” The Night We Met - Lord Huron
- “In case you don’t live forever let me tell you now, I love you more than you’ll ever wrap your head around.” In Case You Don’t Live Forever - Ben Platt
- “You kept me breathing under the water when everyone else left me to drown. You were the light that shown through the darkness, now I’m blind ‘cause you’re not around.” Breathe Underwater - Bullet for my Valentine
- “And something is certain, I miss you around. And all that I want is to be with you.” Breathe Underwater - Bullet for my Valentine
- “Like a shooting star flying ‘cross the room, so fast so far, you were gone too soon. You’re a part of me and I’ll never be the same here without you, you were gone too soon.” Gone Too Soon - Simple Plan
- “This could be the end of everything so why don’t we go somewhere only we know.” Somewhere Only We Know - Glee Cast
- “When I close my eyes, I see you. No matter where I am.” Colder Weather - Zac Brown Band
- “Hold on I still want you. Come back I still need you.” Hold On - Chord Overstreet
- “When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit inside. I lay in tears in bed all night, alone without you by my side.” All I Want - Kodaline
- “But if you loved me, why’d you leave me?” All I Want - Kodaline
- “For you, I'd risk it all, I'd rather crash, I'd rather crawl than never have your love at all, with only bricks to break my fall. For you, I'd risk it all” Risk It All - The Vamps
- “If I could do it all over, maybe I’d do it different, maybe I wouldn’t be here in this position. I found you then I lost you, looking back is torture, and it hurts to know I let you go.” True Love - Jordan Fisher
- “I will never forget you, you will always be by my side. From the day that I met you, I knew that I would love you ‘till the day I die.” Never Forget You - The Chainsmokers
- “I can’t help but love you, even though I try not to.” War of Hearts - Ruelle
- “Why would you ever kiss me? I’m not even half as pretty.” Heather - Conan Gray
- “All I know, all I know, loving you is a losing game.” Arcade - Duncan Lawrence
- “So, before you go, was there something I could’ve said to make it all stop hurtin’, it kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless.” Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi
- “Tell me where the good men go before I wash away, walk me down the old brick road so I can die where I met you. Hold me like we’re going home, turn your tears to rain. Bury me beautiful, heaven knows how I loved you.” Heaven Knows - Five for Fighting
- “So I drown it out, like I always do, dancing through our house with the ghost of you.” Ghost of You - 5 Seconds of Summer
- “I want you to know that it doesn’t matter where we take this road, someone’s gotta go.” Already Gone - Sleeping at Last
- “I’d give anything to hear, to see you one more time.” Saturn - Sleeping at Last
- “You’re gone and I gotta stay high all the time to keep you off my mind. High, all the time to forget I’m missing you.” Habits - Tobe Low
- “Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard. Oh, take me back to the start.” The Scientist - Coldplay
- “I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now.” Airplanes - BOB
- “If you’d ask me how I’m doing, I would say I’m doing just fine. I would lie and say that you’re not on my mind.” Not Over You - Gavin Degraw
- “I don’t know you, I don’t know me, but I know you mean everything, you can set me free.” Nothing - Faith Marie
- “If you love me let me go.” This is Gospel - Panic! At the Disco
- “Friends don’t call you in the middle of the night, couldn’t even tell you why, they just felt like saying hi. Friends don’t stand around playing with their keys, finding reasons not to leave, trying to hide the chemistry. Drive a little too slow, take the long way home, get a little too close, like we do, but friends don’t.” Friends Don’t - Maddie and Tae
- “I think about you every moment when I open my eyes. I think about you, every evening when I turn out the lights. I think about you, every moment every day of my life. You’re on my mind all the time, it’s true. I think about you you you you you.” I Think About You - Ross Lynch
- “When my world is falling apart, when there’s no light to bring in the dark, that’s when I look at you.” When I Look At You - Miley Cyrus
Reblog and add more song lyrics that remind you of Newtmas
I Love You, Rain or Shine
No matter the weather, I hope you’ll be mine...
au: best friend!jisung x gn!reader
word count: 7.9k
genre: fluff, a tiny bit of angst
warnings: kissing, mentions of insecurities
author’s note: My first Jisung story! In this one, there are multiple flashbacks, and I’ve indicated which parts they are by the extended italicized sections. When I started editing this, it was just under 6k words and now it’s almost 8k...oops :) Let’s just hope it posts correctly now because I just gave myself a heart attack thinking I lost it all. I hope you enjoy the fic!
The smell of fresh linen sheets and the feeling of warm sunlight pouring through the sheer white curtains greets your senses as you awaken, tucked tightly beneath the blankets of your hotel bed.
The queen-sized mattress had looked absolutely heavenly last night, and you were looking forward to having it all to yourself, but once you settled under the soft covers it felt empty. As you laid awake, eyes staring up at the ceiling in the darkness, you found yourself longing for someone to share it with.
More specifically, your best friend Jisung, who was also in a queen-sized bed of his own just across the room. His even, steady breaths echoed in the silence, soon lulling you to sleep.
The next morning your eyes land on his slender figure, facing away from you as his chest rises and falls in a natural rhythm. As you watch him with heavy eyelids, he stirs and turns to lie on his back, granting you a view of his profile. The light shines brightly on his features and illuminates his smooth skin, casting a shadow on one side of his face and creating a stunning silhouette.
The curves of his straight nose, barely parted full lips, gentle cheekbones, and sharp jawline captivate you and receive every ounce of your attention. You want nothing more than to run your fingers through his dark bangs, pushing them back from his forehead as you gaze at every perfect imperfection.
Oh, how you envied the sunbeams that could caress every inch of his handsome face with such grace and elegance. The lighting makes him appear so delicate, so vulnerable, like he would shatter into thousands of pieces at even the tenderest of touches.
The sound of footsteps on the other side of your door is just loud enough to wake the sleeping boy. You continue to gaze at him as he sighs deeply, his long eyelashes fluttering open. A quiet groan escapes his lips as he stretches his limbs, legs visibly extending under the covers and arms reaching out above his head.
Those footsteps are then followed by the muffled voices of your and his younger siblings, and even a few rooms away you can still tell that they’re speaking at a volume far too high for 8:30 in the morning.
You suppose it’s why you’ve become so close with each other. You both grew up as the oldest child, expected to be a mature role model for your little brothers and sisters to follow. By no means were your parents unreasonably harsh or strict about this, but that responsibility of yours went out the window and was long forgotten during the time you spent with him.
You both could act as crazy as you wanted, laugh at the dumbest jokes and forget about setting an example and just be your authentic, real selves around each other. While your similar family situations brought the two of you together, it also led to all of your siblings and your parents getting to know each other, too.
Jisung shifts once again, now lying on his other side and facing you. “Good morning,” he tells you with a raspy voice and a sleepy grin. You return his words with a small smile of your own, eyes still drowsily fixed on his form across from you. Who knew bed hair could look so attractive?
He’s just about to sit upright when four hyper children burst through the doorway, one pair of them jumping up onto his bed and the other making their way over to yours. It was at moments like these when you thought about just how much you had in common with him. Each of you had a younger brother and sister, one slightly older than the other by a year or two. In your case it was your brother that was older, in his case, his sister.
His siblings all but throw themselves at him, landing on his chest and giggling when he whines, complaining about “personal space.” Yours, although still rambunctious, are more gentle with you and settle for the smaller impact of a hug before they both sit down on either side of you.
“Can we trade?”
You look over and chuckle quietly to yourself at the sight of his siblings pinning him down by sitting on his torso, still covered by the bedsheets.
Out of the corner of your eye you see him tap their shoulders, telling them that if they let him sit up he could reach the remote and turn the TV on for them to watch. They waste no time in scrambling off of their older brother, allowing him the freedom to move (and breathe) again. As he does so, the blanket falls from his shoulders all the way down to his waist, revealing his nightshirt-clad torso that you often found yourself clinging to so dearly in a snug embrace when it was just the two of you.
“Are those the pajamas I gave you?”
Two days before his 18th birthday. You were struggling as you always did to find just the right gift for him, but this year felt different. It really needed to be perfect.
You were about to give up and just ask him what he wanted because you were completely at a loss. As luck would have it, he showed up at your front door right as you were about to leave for his house.
Opening it, you stumbled back with surprise when you saw him standing there, arm extended towards the doorbell. A sheepish smile overtook his features as he apologized, hurrying forward to take you in his arms and make sure you didn’t fall, one hand gently gripping your wrist and the other supporting your shoulder. Recovering from the initial shock, your expression softened and you straightened, your gaze hesitantly drifting up to his eyes and then down to your sneakers.
“I was just about to come see you, y’know.” “Really?” he exclaimed, eyes becoming impossibly wider. You nodded. “What are the chances?” Even without looking at him, you could still picture the pure astonishment on his face as he said those words.
For the rest of the afternoon he would playfully bug you for answers about the present you got him this year.
“Pleeeeeease tell me? What is it what is it what is it what is—”
“Shhh,” you had held a finger to his lips, only temporarily silencing his endless inquiries. His gaze followed the action, the cross-eyed expression looking nothing short of endearing on him. “I don’t know,” had been your response, the blatant honesty of the statement going right over his head.
Several hours later, the grass in your backyard blew against your warm skin in the crisp February breeze. You were both lying on the ground, staring up into the vast heavens that happened to be full of twinkling celestial bodies that night.
“There’s Venus,” he had pointed out, “The closest one to the horizon.”
“You mean that one right there?”
“...No, that’s a plane. It’s moving.”
He turned his head to the side, studying you with an unamused expression before bursting into loud laughter at your apologetic pout.
When the moment had passed and it was quiet between you once again, as inconspicuously as possible, you repositioned one of your arms behind your head. You leaned slightly upwards, high enough to be able to see his dark brown eyes that had turned into inky pools under the dark sky. You noticed how they reflected the bright stars above so clearly, and in that moment something clicked.
“You see the moon? Tonight it looks like it’s in the waxing gibbous stage, which means we should see a full—what are you doing? Is there something on my face?”
With every second that you didn’t answer him, too busy using your best friend’s eyes to stargaze instead of a telescope, his face grew redder. He was sure his face was the color of Mars by the time you finally noticed you’d been staring.
“Huh? Oh! Sorry...” you trailed off, now feeling a bit flustered yourself.
A beat of silence. Then, you spoke up again.
“Wanna know something?” you had asked him, rolling onto your side and propping your head up with an elbow.
Curiosity permeated his entire demeanor in that moment. After meeting his eyes, you continued your thought, an unusual surge of bravery coursing through your veins.
“Your eyes look like they could be a galaxy of their very own.”
Your best friend was so adorably at a loss for words that it was all he could do not to burst into flames. He scrunched his nose up before his hands flew to his cheekbones, hiding the blush steadily coating them. He tried to roll away from you but your arms locked around his waist before he could get far, and you pulled yourself flush against his side.
Your pointer finger found his button nose, lightly tapping the lovable feature before your hand wound itself around his shoulders, finding a home behind his head, gently playing with the soft ebony strands of hair on the back of his neck.
He didn’t have the heart to continue his attempts at concealing his pounding heart and somersaulting stomach.
Forget the butterflies, there was a whole zoo in there.
And like that you both had stayed, tucked snugly beneath the blanket of the night sky. That is, until you were called inside for cookies. Not coincidentally, they were space-themed. One day he had brought over the set of cookie cutters right after he purchased them, and from then on you kept the metal molds in a special cupboard to use whenever he visited. He insisted they made them taste better, but you weren’t quite convinced.
Biting into a Saturn-shaped one, your epiphany from earlier had hit you all over again. Briefly making a note on your phone, you smiled to yourself, satisfied with your idea and wishing with all your might that Jisung would like it as much as you were hoping.
Needless to say, you got your answer days later in the form of the bone-crushing hug he had picked you up and spun you around in. With the pajama set still clutched tightly under his arm, one of the biggest smiles you’d seen from him in a long time lit up his face with joy.
Your question seems to stop time as these fond memories replay themselves in both of your brains. As if a movie projector just turned itself off, you’re brought back to reality when his hands lifts to thumb at the satin hem of the shirt, tracing the delicate stitching. The pajamas are a dark navy color, dotted with planets and stars, suns and moons, and from the moment you laid eyes on them you knew they would suit him well.
“Yeah… They’re really soft, by the way. Thank you again,” he rambles softly.
Leaning back against the headboard, he clicks the remote and the screen comes to life. Your siblings are oblivious to your previous conversation, too busy arguing about which cartoon to watch.
The bedroom door creaks open again, revealing your mother on the other side. “You two are adorable,” she coos, not missing a beat as she quickly extracts her phone from her pocket and snaps a picture. If she had shown you the photo you would have seen your own face looking directly back at the camera, but you might have missed where your best friend was looking: over at you, with his eyes smiling and an expression that was full of love.
Of course your mom notices this, and she wastes no time sending the photo to his for them to gush about their children who are “perfect for each other, they just don’t know it yet.”
You’d be lying if you said it hadn’t crossed your mind.
Some time passes as you stare at the TV, only half-invested in the show playing on the screen. You eventually look back over at your best friend and are met with the sight of his little brother snoring soundly against his chest. He catches your eye, sending you a sweet smile and your heart does a backflip.
You remember how your younger siblings had complained about the two of you having your own room last night. Your parents did their best to explain that it was only fair since you were the eldest and the most responsible kids, and since you did so much to look after and take care of them all the time, they thought you could use a break from being a babysitter.
As you were getting ready for bed you lovingly joked about their stubbornness together, but the lighthearted conversation between you turned deep as you thought about everything that made being the oldest child in the family so special. You were motivated to be someone for your sisters and brothers to look up to. You felt proud when they succeeded and never failed to comfort them when they didn’t. You could watch them grow up. They always returned the love you showed them in their own ways.
A few minutes turned into an hour, and soon it was past midnight. As you began to rise from your spot on the side of his bed, you felt his long and slender fingers grasp your wrist. Turning around, you tilted your head at him questioningly before he swiftly stood up and hugged you, putting his arms around your shoulders as you clasped your hands behind his waist. He’s tall enough to rest his chin on the top of your head. When he pulled back he had lifted a hand to your face and ran his thumb over your cheek, his other arm hanging rather awkwardly at his side.
“Good night,” he had said, the pitch of his voice a little higher than usual and you stuttered out the same words before crawling into bed. A minute or two passed in silence before you heard him speak up, his tone huskier now. “See you in the morning.” Again, you were nearly at a loss for words and so you settled for repeating what he just said back to him, hoping your heartbeat isn’t loud enough for him to hear.
You could tell that he had already fallen asleep soon after, thanks to the gentle sound of the air entering and leaving his lungs through his lips. As you were lying down you suddenly felt a tingling sensation on the skin of your face where his fingertips had held you. You brought your own hand up to your cheek, smiling to yourself at the not so distant memory.
It wasn’t long before you drifted off yourself, immersed in dreams you would never remember of the boy you called your best friend but who meant so much more to you than just those two simple words.
Which brings you back to now, the next morning, looking over at him as he brings a hand up to rest on his sibling’s shoulder, who squirms in his sleep, nuzzling his face into his older brother’s side. He casts his eyes down at the small boy, a look full of admiration and affection in his eyes. An image flashes briefly in your mind of him not with his little brother, but with another child. You blink rapidly, forcing the thought away as you inwardly reprimand your brain. Not the time.
The hotel suite is cozy. There are two master bedrooms for your parents, each with a king-sized bed of its own. Situated in between them is the smaller room where your 4 siblings are staying. You had peeked in earlier to see 2 sets of bunk beds next to each other, complete with ladders and railings for safety. You guess it’s the older sibling in you that makes you pay attention to something like that.
The size of the bedroom that you share is somewhere in between. Your window looks over a quaint courtyard filled with flowers of every color imaginable, bright green trees, and dotted throughout with pastel pink cherry blossoms amongst them. Your families had been organizing this trip for months now, and they had chosen this place because it was famous for its beautiful springtime visuals. The forecast for the next two weeks is perfect, minus a day or two with expected showers.
The pale periwinkle of the morning sky has melted into a vibrant blue by the time his little brother wakes up, slowly adjusting to the room’s brightness. He gives his older sibling a quick hug before bounding off the bed and out the door, closely followed by the other three who had been focused on their favorite cartoons for the past hour.
You want to say something to Jisung about the sweet moment they just shared but struggle to articulate your thoughts into words. He notices the slight furrow of your eyebrows as you think, nose scrunching up in concentration. “What’s up?”
And then the perfect response comes to you.
“Do you still want to trade?” You ask, referencing his earlier complaint and shooting him a cheeky smirk.
“I guess not.” He sighs, scratching the back of his neck in mock defeat.
This time it‘s your father who comes into the room. “What do you say we have a picnic today? There’s a garden downstairs that would be the perfect spot and it’s a beautiful day.”
A few minutes later you’re both brushing your teeth in the bathroom, making faces at each other in the mirror. You nearly choke on the toothpaste in your mouth when he pulls a particularly funny expression.
Once you’re both dressed and ready for the day, you meet the rest of your families in the main room of the suite. Your mom is chatting giddily with his about something on the screen of her phone that you can’t see. The curiosity doesn’t last long enough for you to ask, however, so you end up brushing it off. Your group of 10 soon reaches the ground floor, all walking briskly out of the lobby doors before being greeted by a mild temperature and a gentle breeze.
An hour later your stomach hurts from all the delicious food. While you and him had been tasked with simultaneously picking a place to sit and keeping an eye on your little brothers and sisters, your parents had gone to grab a takeaway lunch for everyone at one of the casual restaurants in the hotel so they could bring it outside, allowing you all to enjoy the weather while you ate. That was exactly what you did, and now you find yourself sprawled on your back, lying down on the large blue and white checkered picnic blanket.
The puffy white clouds above remind you too much of sugar at the moment, so instead of gazing up at the expansive sky full of them, you make a half-hearted attempt to pick out which window belongs to your hotel room. Your best friend is just about to offer you another strawberry when he looks over and sees you holding a hand over your stomach. Turning away, he pops the sweet red berry into his mouth instead before his eyes land on you again, noticing the drowsy state you’re in from eating so much.
You sleepily say a ‘thank you’ for lunch before rolling over a little onto your side, which just so happens to be the one closest to him, and your head accidentally nudges the side of his thigh. Your mother, ever the hopeless romantic, tries and fails to suppress an “aww” at the sight. Currently, you’re slipping in and out of consciousness and don’t hear the conversation she shares with your best friend.
“We were thinking about letting your siblings hang out at the kids club they have here while we go out shopping and then to dinner afterwards. Does that sound okay to you?” He’s slightly confused by the question, but her kind smile reassures him.
“Yeah, we’ll be okay… How long will you be gone?”
“Well, our reservation is at 5, but I’ve heard that the service may be a little slow, so a few hours at least. Don’t worry, the kids may get bored easily but the club will entertain them for as long as we’re there.”
“Should we just go back up to the room, then?”
“I was going to suggest walking around and exploring, but that’s fine too! Just ask what they want to do,” she motions to you with her head and winks. “Enjoy having a quiet hotel room all to yourselves.”
He blushes, glancing at you before responding. If he knew you at all, he knew you would never pass up the opportunity to take a nap in the middle of the day. “Okay, ma’am, I will.”
“How many times have I told you? You don’t need to be so formal with us! We’re like your parents, too!”
You’re awake enough to hear his laughter.
The time reads 2:30 when you finally sit back up again, rubbing your eyes and squinting in the sunlight. Your little sister runs up behind you and grabs your shoulders, giggling when you turn around to lightly poke her rosy cheek with your finger. They had been running around for a while to hopefully get out some of their energy before they spent the afternoon at the kids club. They were rambunctious at times (okay, most of the time) but also incredibly well-behaved kids when they needed to be.
Your parents round them up before sending you two off by yourselves and bidding you goodbye over their shoulders while they begin to make their way across the property, since the club is on the other side of where you’re staying. As you’re parting ways, his little brother breaks free from his father’s hold to give your best friend one last hug, the sweet action warming your heart.
Something about the way your trip began had caused an uncommon awkwardness between you two, but now that the strange tension has dispersed, the walk and elevator ride up to the suite are far from silent. By the time you reach the room you’re nearly out of breath from laughing so hard. Jisung closes the door behind him and asks, “So you’re not tired anymore?”
“Not really. Your bad jokes were enough to wake me up!”
“Bad jokes? Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
You turn around and see him looking at you, a hand over his heart as he feigns hurt. Then his expression changes and you can almost see the lightbulb go off inside of his head. You instinctively back up when he begins to take long strides towards you. “What are you doing…?” The words die in your throat as he gets closer and closer, your steps away from him quickening until you can go no further, back pressed against the wall of the living space.
Suddenly he’s close enough for you to make out every detail of his face, and his looming figure makes you feel small. Your mind drifts to thoughts of counting every single eyelash, every pore of skin, each individual detail on his face, temporarily distracting you long enough for him to tickle your sides with his large hands.
You can’t contain your laughter as you squirm at his touch, trying to escape his tight grasp. The hem of your shirt lifts up enough to expose your bare skin, his fingers ghosting over it just lightly enough to generate goosebumps all over. There’s mischief in his eyes, mixed with the satisfaction of making you giggle so uncontrollably. He knows where all your ticklish spots are, leaving you even more breathless than before in a matter of seconds.
In a sudden burst of confidence he sweeps you off your feet and into his arms, rushing across the room and running into the one belonging to his parents. He carefully lowers you down onto the king-sized bed before continuing to dig his fingers into your sides, your arms, your stomach.
“This is payback!” He exclaims.
“...Okay, you got me, I just wanted an excuse to tickle you!”
“You’re so cute,” You manage to whine, your filter completely gone at this point. You miss how his face burns a deep red at your bold words, but he decides he isn’t going to fight the pride he feels as he lets a shy smile overtake him.
Momentarily resisting the urge to shield yourself from his hands, you gather enough strength after a minute to flip over, caging him in below you with your limbs. It’s his turn to giggle as you tickle his neck, which you’ve learned is one of the most sensitive places on his body.
The loud laughter that erupts from him only eggs you on, and you speed up your pace at the adorable sounds. He raises his arms to block your access to his very vulnerable collarbone and throat, but in doing so he gives you an unintended opportunity to reach his armpits. He realizes his mistake too late, your observant gaze eagerly following his every move and your quick response coming in the form of a few jabs at the underside of his sleeve.
In a rushed motion, he plants an elbow on the bed behind him and lifts himself up, trying to escape what he started, but the momentum is much greater than he anticipates and his lips narrowly miss your own. It happens so fast that the close call doesn’t register in his mind, allowing him to remain blissfully oblivious. It certainly startles you, though, enough for you to instantly fling yourself off of him and to the other side of the large bed.
Confused, he stands and follows you, circling around the pristine white mattress.
“Hey, hey… what’s wrong? Are you okay? Did I do something?” His voice raises in pitch but lowers in volume with every question.
“It’s nothing, really... I was just surprised.”
“Surprised? Why?” He tilts his head and searches your face for an answer that isn’t in the form of words. You realize that he doesn’t even know what just happened between you, and so you decide to preserve some of your remaining dignity by not explaining further.
“Never mind. I’m okay, really.”
He lies down beside you, his eyes full of concern and care. A foreign but not unwelcome feeling settles in the pit of your stomach as you both stay there, gazing at each other in a comfortable silence. Hesitantly he extends his hand, palm open and reaching for yours. You accept and squeeze it a little. He scoots closer, close enough to sling an arm over your shoulder. Close enough for you to feel his breath on your face.
“Can I ask you something?” He blurts out, and you nod.
“Is this what best friends do?”
“...What do you mean?” Your voice shakes as you speak, nervous about where this was going as well as how he manages to speak your current thoughts into existence just like that. He looks you directly in the eye, hand sliding down to rest on your waist.
“I mean, do best friends have tickle fights like this? Do they sleep in the same room like we do? Is that all we are? Because I don’t know about you, but lately I feel like there’s more—”
“Yeah,” He breaks the intense eye contact with you, opting to look up at the ceiling instead.
“Well, maybe it isn’t what best friends do… but it’s what we do.”
Your anxiousness melts away with every word of the conversation as you realize that you have nothing to lose. Even if you decide that you’re no longer just best friends, he’s by your side no matter what, and you wouldn’t trade your relationship for anything, platonic or otherwise. It was leaning toward the latter at this point, anyway, but who needs labels?
“So… what are we?”
You gently let go of his hand and let yours find his face, grasping his jaw that clenches at the unfamiliar contact.
“We’re just us, you know? Maybe we’re closer than most best friends, but we aren’t a couple. At least, not right now. We’re somewhere in between, and I’m okay with that if you are. If we ever decide we’re something more in the future, we can figure out what that means for us then.” Your soft voice puts him at ease, and he relaxes under your hand, shifting even closer to you.
You don’t shy away like you usually would at such a proximity, as Jisung’s arm trails up your side and around to your shoulder blades, finally halting at the nape of your neck. He’s eye level with you, forehead pressing into yours. A rush of courage shoots from your head down to your toes, inspiring you to tilt your chin up and bump your nose with his.
The few stray moles on his face that you always notice remind you of the constellations in the night sky. Individually, the stars shine brightly enough on their own. But when they’re connected, they form a unique masterpiece. In his case, these freckles are merely a small but beautiful part of him. Every little detail about him is special, but when you picture them all together you realize how lucky you are to lay eyes on such a breathtaking sight.
The intimacy between you is broken as the boy before you makes the same face that made you laugh so hard this morning. You shake your head in mock disappointment before letting a quiet giggle escape you, and at that moment everything seems normal again.
You spend the rest of the evening watching TV and chatting on the couch of the living area.
“You know… you called me cute earlier.”
“I did?!” You panic, turning in his direction with wide eyes.
He nods smugly, nudging you with his shoulder.
“While I was tickling you.”
“Well...” you stutter, trying to think of an excuse. Darn. There’s no way you’re getting out of this one.
“Just admit that you meant it and I’ll leave you alone.”
Swinging your legs to the side and facing him, you cross them and pout childishly. “No.”
Jisung frowns at your response, face falling and you struggle to maintain your stubborn facade. You hope he doesn’t take any of this seriously. He should know better, because the amount of times you’ve fawned and cooed over him is far too many to count. Granted, they were mostly playful exchanges like this one, but you recall a particular incident where that wasn’t the case.
You had been studying over at his house one evening when you looked up from a boring textbook only to find him asleep. His glasses were slowly sliding down the bridge of his nose, and a thin page was tucked between his fingers, like he had been in the middle of turning it. Checking the clock and deciding it was time for you to get going, you stood up, quietly shutting the heavy book and lightly setting it down on the carpet next to your bag. You then made your way over to him, the endearing pout he so often wore present even on his sleeping face.
Careful not to wake your best friend, you slowly pulled the still-open book in his hands towards you, his hand falling from its spot on the page to rest on the bed’s surface. You had to haul yourself up onto the bed to reach his glasses, however, and crawling on your knees, you gently lifted them from his face. After folding and placing them on his bedside, you stayed perched beside him, listening to each inhale and exhale that whispered past his lips.
You had absolutely no reason to believe that he wasn’t asleep.
And yet, there he was, wide awake.
He was normally a heavy sleeper, and you knew this, but the tenderness of your touch had been enough to jolt him into consciousness.
Just as he was about to open his eyes and alert you that he was, in fact, awake, you began speaking.
“Sometimes I don’t think you realize how lucky you are, y’know?”
His ears perked up in interest, anticipation flooding his senses as he waited for your next words.
“So many people these days only care about looks in a person. What makes you so special is that while you definitely have those, there’s so much more to you.”
“I’ve always thought a good personality was the most important thing to have. Up until a certain point I was under the impression that everyone else believed the same thing. But the world tells us we have to be pretty, handsome, attractive, or cute to be happy. To have friends. To be liked.”
You hesitated, “...To find love.” He prayed that you didn’t hear his breath hitch.
“When I’m with you all of that pressure just goes away. I don’t have to worry about looking presentable for anyone. You’ve never cared about my appearance. So when I find myself dwelling on yours, I need to be reminded that at the end of the day, it’s not what truly matters.”
“...So then, how exactly are you lucky? Well, it’s simple. You’ve got everything, even if you don’t know it. People like you for who you are, and your looks are just a bonus.”
As you leaned down a little, he swore that he could feel the warmth of your presence radiating onto his skin.
“...I guess it’s not a sin to take notice of them every once in a while, though.”
Even without his sight, your best friend felt the way that your eyes scanned his supposedly sleeping figure. It was like your gaze was as light as a feather, filled with the utmost care and gentleness despite not even touching him.
“Yeah, you’re pretty cute,” you had muttered after a moment, more to yourself than anyone else. He still heard it, though. If you kept this up, he didn’t know how much longer he could pretend to be asleep.
Another minute ticked by on the clock resting on his desk. Stealthily sliding off his bed, you went to gather your things and got ready to leave for the night. You turned off the light and were in the process of shutting his door behind you when you heard the faintest sound come from inside, resembling a goodnight wish.
You were surprised that the door handle didn’t shatter into pieces when your grip on it tightened at record speed.
In all honesty he was exhausted, and your soft, shuffling footsteps around his room had relaxed him to the point of forgetting you weren’t supposed to know that he was awake.
His door was never fully closed that night, as you had been too busy panicking on the way out of his house. He had heard absolutely everything, and you were sure it couldn’t get any worse. The moment which you saw as embarrassing would, oddly enough, eventually become a source of inspiration and confidence for him when he needed it. There would always be an unspoken agreement between you to never bring it up, though, as you couldn’t bear to be reminded of such an awkward mistake on both of your parts.
You can’t stand arguing with him over something like this for long, so after another few statements of denial and prodding from him, you cave.
“Oh, come on, we both know you’re adorable,” you finally blurt out, crumbling under Jisung’s devastated expression. Lunging forward, you can’t help but pinch his cheeks between your fingers, a habit that you’ve developed over the years to tease each other. A habit that he pretends to hate, but deep down he can’t get enough of.
After hearing the words he’s been after, he reaches behind him with a sly grin and holds up his phone screen, showing a newly recorded voice memo of presumably your forced confession. With a gasp you withdraw your hands from their position on his face and turn around, crossing your arms over your chest as a child would do and letting out a loud huff. He scoots toward you and waves a hand in front of your eyes, trying to draw your attention away from the wall opposite you.
“You know you love me,” he tries.
The use of the strong but not inaccurate word makes your heart skip a beat, and you warm up to it within a matter of moments. Sighing, you take a peek over your shoulder before allowing him to pull you down to lie with your head in his lap, looking up at his face above you.
“You got me there.”
A few days pass and nothing is much different between you. Your family travels around the city and occasionally spends the day in the hotel. It happens to be a rainy evening the next time you’re completely alone together. Your parents are taking your siblings downstairs to get some dessert at a cute and colorful candy store in the shopping section of the lobby. Both deciding to go to bed early, you tell them all goodnight and close the door to your shared bedroom as they leave.
The soft sound of the water droplets hitting the window is soothing, but as usual, thoughts of your best friend cloud your mind while you try to fall asleep. You lie down on your side facing his bed, him doing the same across from you. In the dim light you can’t tell if his eyes are open or not. You get your answer a minute later.
In that same raspy voice that always gives you chills, he mumbles, “You look lonely...”
Squeaking a little, you try to recover from the surprise, “What?”
“Come here,” He lazily stretches an arm out, beckoning you to join him.
As you crawl under the blankets, he pulls you close, threading his legs through yours and inhaling your scent. He’s warm, and the bed’s warm, and you never want to leave because this just feels so perfect. His hand comes up to stroke your hair, and you automatically bury your face further into his neck.
Jisung feels you tense up as you realize that while you’ve been in his arms like this before, something about this time feels different, and his fingers graze over your neck to gently massage your upper back. With every passing second the position begins to feel more natural to you, and for the first time since you’ve arrived at this destination that seems to be the epitome of springtime’s beauty, you don’t dream of him because he’s no longer out of reach.
The clock that sits on the end table between your beds, one of which is now empty, reads 1:46 when you wake up, though you don’t turn around to check. You’re exactly where you were a few short hours ago when you fell asleep, held in his snug embrace, wondering how so much could change in such a short time.
“Can’t sleep either?” His chest rumbles as he murmurs, lips against your forehead.
“Actually, I’ve been sleeping. You haven’t?”
“I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“Wow, you’re even cheesier than usual in the middle of the night.”
“No, I mean I’m serious. I’ve literally been up all night thinking about you even though you’re right here.”
“...I don’t know how to respond to that.”
“You don’t have to, I just...” He exhales loudly, his warm breath tickling your face.
“What is it?”
“...There’s something I’ve always wanted to do but I’ve never felt brave enough to do it before.” Looking at you in that moment makes him feel like he has nothing and everything to lose at the same time.
“And if I don’t do it now I don’t know if I ever will.”
You nod a little, signaling for him to continue. Your heart seems to have an idea of where this is going but your brain hasn’t caught up just yet.
And then he says four words that you never thought you’d hear but hoped for anyway.
“Can I kiss you?”
Your body answers on its own with a slight hum, head tilting up so you can meet his eyes with your own before they begin to trail down your face slowly.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Every nerve in your body is on high alert, aching to feel the plush softness of his lips against your own. He shares your desire, nearly shaking at the thought of finally doing what he’s dreamed of after all this time. He’s scared he won’t be good at it, that he’ll disappoint you, but as he gazes at your rosy lips he throws everything to the wind and abandons his worries, figuring he might as well try.
And try he does. Everything seems like it’s in slow motion. Nothing about the kiss is rushed, but you find it more romantic that way. When you touch at last, you’re already addicted to the feeling. A thought of your parents and siblings being just a few rooms away enters both of your minds for a split second before it leaves, and you remain unfazed.
You hold your arms against your chest, not sure what to do with them. He doesn’t seem to know either. What does come naturally, however, is your eyes fluttering closed at the contact, and even though you can’t see anything, explosions of color dance in front of your sealed eyelids regardless.
As you break apart you’re both much too shy to look at each other right now. You settle for staring at the dark window behind him, barely able to make out the raindrops trailing down the glass.
He focuses on your bare shoulder, exposed by your sleeveless pajama shirt. He doesn’t even realize that he places a hand on it, or that you look back at him not in surprise, but curiosity.
Your best friend chuckles deeply, “May I kiss you again? Please?”
“Kiss me all you want,” You mumble softly, feeling far from sober after tasting him.
His lips remind you of the fresh spring air that rushes into your bedroom whenever you step out onto the balcony. They’re sweet and a little bit sour, like cold lemonade without sugar. He smells like the crisp, clean sheets of the bed mixed with a hint of oak wood, just like the vibrant, shady trees below your window.
He’s all kinds of intoxicating.
Quickly closing the distance between you once again, Jisung plants another loving kiss on your lips. This time, he gingerly cups your face in his hands, a thumb tucked underneath your chin. The novelty of the sensation overwhelms you, clouding your mind, and you can’t think straight. That’s why for no reason at all, you can’t stop yourself from giggling softly into the kiss, unsure how to properly respond and dizzy from the unfamiliarity of this new kind of touch.
He pulls back a little, lips leaving yours, and your breaths mingle in the small space between you. Fearing the worst, he asks in a deep but quiet voice, “...Are you laughing at me?”
The way he says it, his bright eyes previously so full of hope and love suddenly dimming, makes you feel like someone just punctured your heart. His question breaks you out of your daze, and you rush to correct your error.
Apologies spill from your lips, “No! I’m… This is all really new to me. I guess I’m just nervous… You’re doing nothing wrong. If anything, I’m the one messing this up. I have no idea what to do, where to put my hands… I’m so sorry, we shouldn’t do this.” Squeezing your eyes shut in frustration with your inexperience, you hastily roll onto your other side, facing away from him.
“Hey, hey...” he soothes, firmly gripping your shoulder in an effort to get your attention. You turn, and he sees your face glisten with tears as they overflow from your eyes. “Oh no, please don’t cry… If it makes you feel better, I don’t know what I’m doing either.”
“Really?” You ask, incredulously.
“Not a clue.” He smiles a little, hoping it was enough to bring a similar expression onto your own face.
When you don’t respond, he offers, “Do you want to figure it out together?”
Your gaze softens at his words, and he takes the opportunity to bring his hands to your cheeks, wiping away the tears. With a small nod, you roll over to face him yet again.
“But seriously, where should I put my hands?”
At this it’s his turn to giggle, and he takes your wrists in his own, guiding them to rest on his shoulders. As he leans in for the third time, one hand of yours stays in place while the other migrates upwards, past the back of his neck to comb through his thick, dark hair with your fingers. He’s holding you by the hips now, touch tentative but secure.
Just as you’re about to kiss, he halts his movements, with the minuscule distance of what seems like only a hair’s length separating you. With an innocent but teasing grin, he waits for your response.
Not even caring if you rip it, your hand leaves its spot on his collarbone to impatiently tug on the collar of his pajama shirt, initiating the kiss yourself. The small noise of surprise he makes at the brazen action is cut off by your lips meeting his.
After getting more comfortable and sharing a countless amount of kisses, ranging from sweet, playful pecks to ones full of sincerity and affection, you collapse on top of him. With your head laying on his broad chest, he has a chance to catch his breath before pulling you as close to him as physically possible. His arms come up to tangle behind your back, palms open against the blades of your shoulders.
He shifts you upwards and a little to the side, at the perfect angle for him to pepper featherlight kisses all over your face. At each place where he plants them you feel a faint buzzing feeling, and though there are no visible marks left on your skin, your true feelings for each other are indelible.
“So… what now?”
“Well, I was thinking about formally asking you out, but then I realized that there’s no point.” Jisung’s ambitious words catch you off guard.
“Huh?” You deadpan.
“Not to be dramatic or anything, but I’m saying that there’s no one else I’d rather spend my life with than you. I feel like we don’t even need to make things ‘official’ between us because this is what we both want, right? I… I want to stay this close with you forever.”
After a minute, you reply, face flushed at his confession.
“That makes sense… Yeah, okay.” You take a deep breath. “And… so do I.”
“I know we’re still young, and it sounds like such a silly thing to say at our age. I have no doubt that others would scoff at us, call us too naive if they heard that. Sure, there are bound to be hard times in store for us. We never know what the future holds, but I’m willing to work together to overcome any challenge that stands in our way if you are.”
“Me too.” A triumphant affirmation of your commitment to this relationship, to each other.
“We’re just us, right?”
“Right.” You beam at him.
You exchange a few more sleepy pecks as you cuddle close in the dim light of your hotel bedroom, the scattered tingles on your skin bringing shy smiles to your faces. The giddiness of the rejoicing butterflies in your stomach only grows with every second that you spend like this, in your best friend’s arms. You wonder how you got so lucky.
After a final, longer kiss, your lips are still touching when Jisung gently breathes out, “Sweet dreams.” And you drift off.
You both dream of each other that night, your subconscious thoughts assuring you that it was always meant to be.
I am soooo excited to share my epic Bethyl playlist with you! I have named it “Big Bethyl MOOD”:
The songs on this list were chosen via many sources. I obviously included the two songs by Emily Kinney—the cover song she sangam Beth Greene in “Alone”—“Be Good” by Waxahatchee—for Norman Reedus as Daryl Dixon, the one she wrote and sang—“Last Chance”—which was on her 3rd album—Expired Love—that she said has Beth and Daryl vibes. Other obvious choices was the song played at the end of “Still” while Daryl and Beth burned down the moonshine shack—“Up the Wolves” by the Mountain Goats—and the two songs that Norman has essentially said give him his own Bethyl feels—“Very Nervous and Love” by J Mascis and “Drowning Man” by U2. The rest of them are songs I have personally selected that put me in a big Bethyl mood, songs that other Bethyl shippers have suggested for me to make song lyric photo edits for, songs from the huge plethora of Bethyl music video tributes on YouTube, as well as from other Bethylers’ playlists that are inspired by this beloved pairing. 🐞💘💘🐍
For those of you who don’t have a Spotify account, below is the full list... just in case you would like to build your own playlist on a different listening/streaming music platform that you prefer.👇😁
1.)“Be Good”- Emily Kinney
2.) “Up the Wolves” - The Mountain Goats
3.) “Very Nervous and Love” - J Mascis
4.) “Saturn” - Sleeping At Last
5.) “She is the Sunlight” - Trading Yesterday
6.) “Wings” - Birdy
7.) “Look After You” - The Fray
8.) “Secret” - Angel Snow
9.) “lovely” - Billie Eilish with Khalid
10.) “Off I Go” - Greg Laswell
11.) “Asleep” - Emily Browning
12.) “Echo” - Jason Walker
13.) “Harbor” - Vienna Teng
14.) “Every Mile Mattered” - Nichole Nordeman
15.) “To Tundra” - Los Campesinos!
16.) “To Build a Home” - Cinematic Orchestra
17.) “Breathe Me” - Sia
18.) “Iris” - The Goo Goo Dolls
19.) “Halo” - Beyoncé
20.) “Everything” - Lifehouse
21.) “Fire and Ice” - Within Temptation
22.) “Pieces” - Red
23.) “Shattered and Hollow” - First Aid Kit
24.) “Still” - Daughter
25.) “All I Want” - Kodaline
26.) “Beautiful Girl” - Broken Iris
27.) “Wonderful Unknown” - Ingrid Michaelson + Greg Laswell
28.) “Ride” - Lana Del Rey
29.) “Chasing Cars” - Snow Patrol
30.) “Take Me Home” - Jess Glynne
31.) “Not About Angels” - Birdy
32.) “The Devil’s Tears’ - Angus & Julia Stone
33.) “Walk Through the Fire” - Zayde Wølf, Ruelle
34.) “Arrival of the Birds” - The Cinematic Orchestra, London Metropolitan Orchestra
35.) “Love, Reign O’er Me” - Pearl Jam
36.) “Hurricane” - Thirty Seconds to Mars
37.) “Between” - Courrier
38.) “Change (In the House of Flies)” - Deftones
39.) “Battle Cry” - Kyler England
40.) “Light” - Sleeping At Last
41.) “I See the Light” (from Disney’s ‘Tangled’/Soundtrack Version) - Mandy Moore, Zachary Levi
42.) “The Book of Love” - Peter Gabriel
43.) “Not Alone” - Red
44.) “‘Dead Island’ Trailer Theme” (featuring Mairi Campbell, Peter Nicholson & Guido De Groot)
45.) “Falling Slowly” - Glen Hansard, Markéta Irglová
46.) “Hold On” - Tom Waits
47.) “Everywhere I Go” - Lissie
48.) “Heartbeat” - The Fray
49.) “Bloodstream” - Stateless
50.) “Remembrance” - Balmorhea
51.) “Gorecki” - Lamb
52.) “A Sky Full of Stars” - Coldplay
53.) “Slide Away” - Oasis
54.) “Alone in This Bed (Capeside)” - Framing Hanley
55.) “Whispers” - Avalanche City
56.) “Heaven” - Beyoncé
57.) “I Will Follow You into the Dark” - Death Cab for Cutie
58.) “Eyes Wide Open” - Beth Crowley
59.) “Everlong” (Acoustic Version) - Foo Fighters
60.) “Everloving” - Moby
61.) “Stay” - Rihanna, Mikky Ekko
62.) “I’ll Be Good” - Jaymes Young
63.) “And I Love Her” - Passenger
64.) “Medicine” - Daughter
65.) “Strange Birds” - Birdy
66.) “Shattered” - Trading Yesterday
67.) “Warrior” - Beth Crowley
68.) “Wicked Game” (Live) - James Vincent McMorrow
69.) “Kiss Quick” - Matt Nathanson
70.) “Skinny Love” - Bon Iver
71.) “Sky’s Still Blue” - Andrew Belle
72.) “The Funeral” - Band of Horses
73.) “Hymn for the Missing” - Red
74.) “The Night We Met” - Lord Huron
75.) “The Mighty Rio Grande” - This Will Destroy You
76.) “Brighter Than Sunshine” - Aqualung
77.) “Such Great Heights” - Iron & Wine
78.) “Brave” - Nichole Nordeman
79.) “Demons” (Acoustic - Live in London) - Imagine Dragons
80.) “You & I” - One Direction
81.) “All I Know” - Beth Crowley
82.) “Gravity” - Vienna Teng
83.) “Colour Me In” - Damien Rice
84.) “Work Song” - Hozier
85.) “Opposite” - David O’Dowda
86.) “A Rush of Blood to the Head” - Coldplay
87.) “Skin and Bones” - Beth Crowley
88.) “Sound of Surviving” - Nichole Nordeman
89.) “You” - Keaton Henson
90.) “A Thousand Years” - Christina Perri
91.) “Time” - Mikky Ekko
92.) “Last Chance” - Emily Kinney
93.) “Drowning Man” - U2
Jaune of the Dead II
-------------- Two Hours earlier ------------
“C’mon Rubes, you can’t depressed all day just because you’re imaginary boyfriend ghosted you.” Yang said playfully to Ruby.
“He’s not imaginary! He’s taller than dad, blonde, and wears a white trench-coat, I keep telling you this! That the mean Schnee made me blow up, and then he showed up did a glowy thing, and I felt great! Then walked me to the place, and then disappeared like a ghost! Then I found out he supercharged my aura! How do think I could have done so well in Initiation!” Ruby said to her sister rapid-fire.
A tall redhead puts her hand on Ruby’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t sell yourself so short Ruby, accepting your successes is necessary for good mental health, and from what I saw was enough to put some huntsmen to shame.”
Ruby pouts. “Yeah, I know! The thing is I can’t one shot a Nevermore and fly on my own! The thing is I know how strong I am, and I am not strong enough to do those on my own!”
Yang and Pyrrha sigh.
“Ruby, c’mon you’re awesome! You’re talented and you’re strong, so stop selling yourself short, wait never-mind that does apply to you.” Yang said with a shit-eating grin.
Ruby’s face was a brilliant red as she started pounding weakly against Yang’s arms. “Yannng! I drink milk, I’ll be tall one day!”
“If you say so, Rosebud.”
Pyrrha watched the exchange with a amused smile, feeling very pleased with her team so far.
She hadn’t expected to partner up with a prodigy and her sister, but destiny was full of twists and turns.
Many, many twists, like Yang’s partner and the leader of team BYRN.
The notorious Black Sheep of the Schnee household and disowned daughter of Jacque Schnee for reason’s kept private, though considering what she heard of the man in the day she has known Bleiss, it didn’t paint flattering picture why he did what he did.
Who disowned their child based on appearance?
The Black Sheep slept noisily in a dark corner of the room with her limbs thrown all across the bed as she slept under neath a black canopy bed with... her toys all still vibrating under her sheets.
A series of black glyphs floated menacingly around her bed as she slept.
Thankfully the curtains on the side of canopy bed only showed a hazy figure behind the curtains.
Bleiss had made her team go out last night to celebrate making it through initiation. They had gone to club after club, well Yang and her did, Pyrrha and Ruby left not feeling comfortable on that scene.
Yang had come back to the dorm alone, as Bleiss wanted to find someone to ‘Break her in half while folding her legs over her head,” or to find “A soft little sub to break between her legs.”
Bleiss had somehow come back empty-handed and frustrated.
Then she brought out the toys.
It had been hours before she went to sleep.
She had no idea how Ruby slept through it all, especially Yang screaming bloody murder trying to break her glyphs, which when broken unleashed somesort of insect like grimm that stung Yang without mercy.
Pyrrha was one-hundred percent sure that she started moaning louder to annoy Yang.
Thankfully, Ruby seemed to know what was going on. Apparently having walked in on Yang in a private moment before, but she still blushed red at noticing what her leader was doing calling it ‘Filthy.’
Pyrrha was also sure that it was a fools errand to try and wake her up for class. Bleiss had struck her as the type to have a couple trips up her sleeve. It did make Pyrrha ponder why she needed defenses why she slept though, but following those paths of thought those only led to dark explanations. Bleiss might make it clear one day if they grew close, and maybe, hopefully, it would have a more happy origin.
Bleiss had also made clear as leader of Team BYRN, she would go to class when she damn well felt like it. She had pointed out a loophole in the Beacon Rule book, apparently she could skip class as long as she maintained a 90% average in her classes, she could not be dropped from the classes.
A rule that was normally reserved for 3rd and 4th years who often took missions and had spend time recovering and could not attend classes, so were normally given abridged lesson and makeup tests.
Pyrrha had no idea how she going to do it, but she’d try her best to support her leader.
Pyrrha looked back to her teammates, and hopefully friends.
Yang had gotten Ruby into a headlock and was rubbing her head with her knuckles.
“Ah! AH! AH! I yield, I yield!”
“Yeah, you do, who’s the big sister, I’m the big sister, woo-woo!”
Yang dropped Ruby to the ground, who then started pouting.
Then a look of realization hit her. “See that proves it!”
Pyrrha raised a elegant brow towards Ruby. “Proves what?”
“That I didn’t do all that crazy awesome stuff at initiation on my own! If I could Yang wouldn’t be able to beat me up like that!”
Pyrrha gave it some thought she had a good point.
Yang flexed her arms. “I don’t though, maybe you’re just making it excuses.”
“Maybe you just a big head!”
Yang smirks at Ruby, and then cups her chest. “I got some big somethings!”
Pyrrha shook her head at her teammates antics, then her internal clock told her they had around ten minutes before class started.
Pyrrha gently clapped her hands together, not loud enough to cause shock, but enough to gain attention.
“Ahem, I do believe we have classes soon.”
The sisters looked at each other and then started cleaning themselves up for class.
Ah, she could scarcely imagine the day becoming more interesting.
--- 10 minutes prior ---
Professor Port’s lesson was interesting if veiled behind misdirection. At first Pyrrha had considered that he might be a little self-absorbed, until she started listening closely. He was purposely distracting them with long-winded stories to test their observation skills, which if one actually paid attention to would start to reveal valuable information on Grimm.
Bleiss’s twin had also the same class period as them along with her team, SBRN, Saturn. It seemed Weiss went out of her way to ignore all of them expect Pyrrha, offering her hollow praise and empty compliments.
Pyrrha had politely decline her offer to take notes together. Her team seemed nice, but it was clear there was division among-st them.
Weiss then proved to be as superficial as Pyrrha thought, having clearly been taking notes but not understanding the subtext. Prof. Port had to step in once it was clear the Greater Borbatusk was too much for her, it’s armor plating across its back and head, remained unscratched till Prof. Port grabbed it by it’s tusk and flipped it, cutting it’s belly open.
“Well, children let this be a lesson to you all, that if nothing else remember you have room to grow! And to cut a Borbatusk across the belly! HO-Ho-ho!” Despite his cheery demeanor, Pyrrha couldn’t help but notice the glint of disappointment in his eyes.
Pyrrha wished she had imagined the pleased look in Weiss partner’s eyes at her failure, and her teammates apathy towards their leaders failure. What had she done to sow such discontent in her team?
The class was dismissed and they walked to their next class, a new one if rumors were true, one that had been set up merely a day ago before suddenly being added to their schedule.
What, a odd occurrence.
It was hosted by a new teacher too, one Pyrrha had never even heard of, or the seniors if the rumors where true. But, if the rumors were true, which they usually weren’t, he was the youngest teacher in Beacon history.
Pyrrha, Ruby, and Yang stood outside the door staring at Weiss with her teammates entering beside her.
“I see my sister is not coming to this class, either.”
“Nope.” Yang said popping the p.
Weiss gave them all a haughty look. “Fine by me, that noisy harlot is an annoyance anyway.” She gave Pyrrha a fake smile. “It’s not too late to make the best team in Beacon history,” She looked towards the sisters. “I don’t mind trading one of mind for her to join.”
Pyrrha felt a flash of anger inside her, that was mirrored on Yang’s face, but she quickly suppressed it. “I’m sorry, but,” She put a hand on Ruby’s shoulder, and gave Yang a winning smile. “I feel I’m already on Beacon’s best team.”
Weiss scowled and stomped into the classroom.
Yang simmered before tskking. “What’s her problem.”
“I sincerely have not idea.” Pyrrha actually did if one did consider what was heard about Jacque Schnee. But, best wait before jumping the gun.
“She’s shorter than me, she probably mad she doesn’t have enough milk.” Ruby said seriously.
A snorting laugh echoed out of Yang and Pyrrha.
Pyrrha wiped a tear out of her eye.
Yang laughed. “Yeah, I bet she doesn’t have enough milk!” Yang said giving Pyrrha a knowing nod.
“I’m glad you two understand the power of milk!” Ruby said going into the classroom.
Pyrrha and Yang followed in after Ruby, and where momentarily amazed by the interior of the classroom.
It was bigger on the inside, with shelves of books covering the walls, diagrams and maps covering the walls, not an inch of the room was bare. Where there were not diagrams and books, where glass-cases, and various objects, ranging from swords, glass shards, skeletons, and weird objects that Pyrrha couldn’t hope to identify.
This did not look like the work of a day or two, this room looked as though it had been used for years!
“Wow, impressive.” Yang said from beside her. Then she scowled. “Uh-oh, looks like we got trouble this period.” She said elbowing Pyrrha to get her attention to nod towards a group of people even Pyrrha had no tolerance for.
Team VMMP; Vampire.
A team of thugs and low-lifers that had somehow managed to get into Beacon.
Who, unfortunately had real skill to back up their attitude.
Yang squinted her eyes. “Something is off about them tho,”
Pyrrha had to blink thought to make sure they were the same team, though.
They were so quiet, and actually dressed for class.
Was.. Was Vernal wearing makeup?
No, she must be imagining things.
Pyrrha decided to ignore them and go sit with Ruby, Yang following behind her.
Then they waited, the class deathly quiet.
Team VMMP unusually quiet had been more than enough to cow the others into silence.
6 minutes passed.
5 minutes passed.
4 minutes passed.
and soon it would be only one minute before class started.
Their teacher, who ever it might be, hadn’t appeared yet.
Then came the sound.
Of heavy shoes rhythmic hitting the floor.
It had started near the edge of their hearing, sounding as if it was coming from across the school. Only for it to grow louder and louder, becoming more noticeable till it was evident it was coming towards them.
He entered exactly as the 9:59 went to 10:00, right on time.
A head of long, messy, blonde hair came through the doorway, the hair easily coming to his mid-back. His face sharp and judgmental, but looking handsome in a imperious way. Two deep blue bloodshot eyes scanned the room as he went in, underneath his eyes were deep black bags, that spoke of a lack of sleep.
His body language tense and wary, not that much of his body could be seen as hit was covered by a billowy white leather duster, which opened to reveal stained, faded, well worn, and stitched up work clothes and pair of heavy duty work boots.
A sheathed sword on his belt.
That’s not what drew Pyrrha’s attention to him though, no it was her semblance. He was wearing metal gauntlets too over his hands and had some sort of metal armor underneath his clothes or maybe worked into them.
He was also wearing five necklaces, had a dozen rings, and had nearly twenty pounds of things, Pyrrha couldn’t imagine what, stuffed into his pockets. And that was just metal! It wouldn’t surprise her if he had more in there made of other materials.
Why did he have all those things?
She then heard Ruby’s breath hitch. “That’s him!” Ruby whispered to her and Yang.
Before she cold react he spoke.
It was not what she expected.
It was quiet, very quiet, tired too, like he had just woken up. His voice was deep, but raspy like he had a cold. But it commanded attention and impossible to ignore as within its core was a razor thin edge of Power. Of something that made his voice make her her shiver and alert to him.
‘He is dangerous,’ Something insider her warned.
“My name is Jaune Arc, I am eighteen years old, and I will teach you all the in’s and out’s of advanced aura manipulation, Soul Theory, and defense against the Paranormal. Any questions?”
9 years and 360 days ago
Little Jaune Arc was on his own.
He didn’t get it.
He told his parents, but they laughed at him and told him everything was fine. There was no scary lady in his closet.
He told them again. They laughed again.
He told them everyday, but they weren’t laughing anymore, they were mad.
They said if he kept making up stories for attention they’d ground him.
When he asked if he could sleep in their room, they said he was a big boy and had to sleep in his room.
Jaune stopped talking to his parents on the fourth day. They hadn’t even gone into his room. It was like that with everyone though, no one seemed to believe him, or want to go near his room!
Alicia was out hunting and out of Scroll range.
He tried Saphron and his elder sisters, but they were too busy for him. Saphron was always talking to Terra. And told him to get more creative if he wanted attention from her. Terra just laughed at him.
June was always on her scroll, and told him to buzz off.
Daisy wanted to watch tv or to paint, and told him he was distracting her, or be a model for her.
Jazz would just turn her music up till he left, or drag him into dancing.
Grace would just make him work in the garden with her, but everything he said went in one ear and out the other.
And the Rachel?
She is too young, couldn’t even walk yet.
He vented to them anyway. That was a new phrase he learned. He also learned what a phrase was at school.
“I don’t get it,” He said to his youngest sibling. “they won’t take me seriously! I keep asking and asking them to just wait till a storm hits and stay with me, but they just keep laughing, getting mad, or ignoring me!”
Little Jaune Arc grabbed his hair with both hands.
“It’s so annoying! Why is this happening?”
Rachel just played with her toys, pretending to drive a car.
A glint appeared in Jaune’s eyes.
He started playing too.
He sighed though.
“What should I do, what should I do?” He repeated to himself.
“I tried to get them to look at the window, but they keep ignoring it, I tried showing them my scars and they said they were from playing in the woods, it’s like everything I say is just being ignored.”
Jaune rolled the toy car back and forth.
Rachel bumped her car into his, pinching Jaune’s finger inbetween the metal.
A light white glow appeared on his hand.
Jaune looked at his finger in wonder.
He focused on it and tried to force the feeling back out.
Jaune frowned and looked at his hand.
He grabbed a toy car and slammed at his pinky.
A warm feeling engulfed his pinky as a white light block the car, the car bouncing off of it.
He tried to imagine it being warm again.
A faint white light ghosted over his finger, before dying.
“Hmm,” He looked at his finger. “I have no idea what I just did,” He looked at Rachel. “but, you helped.” He gave Rachel a kiss on the forehead. “Thanks sis, I don’t know if you can understand me, but thanks anyway.”
Rachel looked at him with baby blues and gave a toothy smile and giggled.
“You want to keep playing?”
An: Pyrrha’s more fun to write than I thought she would be. Next up though, on the fan fic list is Arc Acres, then Dead Knight, then Prodigy AU, then Sacred Rites II.
infinity times infinity | matsukawa i.
synopsis: issei feels the kind of familiar where you know you’ve loved him in your lives before this, but it’s in this life and in this moment where you realize you don’t want to forget and start over again.
characters: matsukawa issei, you
genre: hurt/comfort, reincarnation!sortofau lol, smidge of angst, i guess some fluff bcos yall cuddle
a/n: saturn, by sleeping at last is the song that’s been on repeat and this piece is heavily inspired by that song. please listen to it, it’s worth it. i yacked this piece out last night when i was crying and in a weird mood lol. @/kate, this is for our brainrot ab the song last night ;w;
“how rare and beautiful it is to even exist,” are the words that loop in your head over and over again every time issei holds your hand under the night sky.
you think of how the space around you feels like a pool of nothing. like you’re suspended in a void of just whatever nothing was made out of. even if in the back of your mind you’re aware of how issei’s car is parked some distance away from where you lay on your backs, side by side as the night sky above watches you. you’re aware about how his grandmother’s house is only a few streets away from this space of temporary nothing—but somehow when you look up, then around the space that still looks like just a void, the moment feels still.
so even as you begin to feel yourself drift up with the stars, the moon’s pull sounding like the siren’s song you’ve been warned all your life to never drift towards—earth’s gravity manifests in the form of a boy whose hands are warm like the sun.
“what time is it?” you know you should probably ask, because the lights from the houses in the distance are dim by now.
issei next to you can hear the unspoken question, so he smiles as he reads you, but ultimately chooses to not answer either way.
“how have you been feeling?” is what he voices out instead, and when you don’t turn your head to face him, issei shifts to his side and turns to look at you instead.
saturn, he thinks. he thinks he sees the rings of saturn swirl around your eyes. but when he squints and tries to look closer, issei can only smile more when he sees the stars from above reflect in the depth of your irises—looking more like twinkling fireflies instead of the balls of fire that could very well give life.
and stars, issei smiles. probably the most heartbreaking metaphor the universe could offer. the lights in the sky that’s probably live longer than he; coming from stars that are long gone—their very essence scattered across the dark space of a universe who can’t be known of whether it is kind or cruel.
“how do you want me to answer that?” you reply that comes in the form of a question, the corners of your lips quirking up into a smile.
then when you blink, a gleam of light from above is caught in your eye before you turn to face him, the traces of it quickly swallowed back into the depths as you turn from the light. black holes, issei recalls.
he thinks that tonight you reminded him a little bit like the universe. and because the universe witnessed nothing but truth as humanity thrived and evolved under its watch, he opens his mouth as he asks you for your truth.
“just answer it however you want to answer it.”
“i feel like every time i look at the sky, i’m only reminded of how much of a flicker we only are,” is your truth that you whisper to him. and much like the listening ears of the void, issei stays still next to you, but lets his presence be known through his silence.
but in his silence, you find safety, so you look up at the sky again and continue.
“i think about this life, the past, and the next. maybe i knew and loved you in the life before this, maybe i didn’t. maybe i loved someone else as much as i love you now, issei. and it always trips me up because what if that’s the grand plan for us after this life. what if we’re only meant to love each other in this life and only get to brush shoulders a couple of times as strangers in every life after this?”
“i don’t want to forget you, issei,” you whisper as you finish confessing the truth that’s weighed heavy on you.
beside you, issei exhales and looks at the sky. at the moon whose phase he can’t quite recall the name of and like its gravity that gently pulled you—he felt himself rise to the sky with his emotions.
he knows that something inside him aches—has ached— but for as long as he felt it he could never find a name for it. your hand, a little cold in his, shakes, and just like that issei knows that the storm inside you is raging at its greatest speed.
“i think of the lady down the street all the time too, you know?” he hears you speak again.
he hums, squeezing your hand motioning for you to continue.
“when she used to give me cookies during the holidays, i’d always say thank you to her and to who she could have been before because every time i eat what she makes, it tastes like i’ve had it before. i know no one in the house really had time to bake, but that auntie felt like an old friend. “
“but then again, even if that was the case, who she was in this life is who is in my memories. i didn’t like her because i felt like i knew her, but i did because i got to know her. in this life.”
you pause to exhale. shaky, issei notes, like the almost unnoticeable tremble of your hands. he knows that if he were just to loosen his hands in the slightest, that he would miss it. but because he is still next to you, still like the void that listens to the very universe that cradles and destroys galaxies whisper its truth over and over again, he still hears you.
“i feel like i’ve known you for lifetimes,” you say as you finally turn to face him, cradling his face in the palm of your hands. your breath hitches because every time issei looks at you—you know that he sees you. he’s always understood you. always made the madness in your head and scattered bursts of emotions in your heart make sense even if in reality it’s anything but fluid.
like scattered light, you think. the sparks you see during the new year that build and build and build until it bursts.
then when it scatters, the feeling that comes to you is one that you understand despite the lack of words to frame it with.
“we probably have,” you hear him reply, softly. kindly. in honesty.
but the rage in your heart doesn’t succumb to the call of silence. because like scattered light, it’s in this lifetime where the epiphany hits you that you love him with an intensity as such. you know the fireworks are beautiful and are only in the sky to be seen by your eyes, but much like the stars you know that even if the remnants of their light remains for the shortest while—they, themselves, will cease to exist.
and the fact that you don’t know where they would go after is what terrifies you the most.
“i don’t wanna chase you again and again and forget this,” you whisper.
“us,” you continue.
“matsukawa issei is the name of the man i love in this lifetime and i don’t want you to become just familiar,” you cry.
“i don’t want us to just be stars,” you finish.
your truth, issei begins to think, is what sparks questions for him. for as long as you tried to explain the infinite, he has always just listened.
where weightlessness was the constant he felt when he was with you. the kind that’s in between space and earth; where he’s caught in a trance when he’s with you until he eventually drifts too close to the edge until gravity starts to take hold and pull.
but even as issei hurdles towards earth, his speed too unprecedented that it comes to a point where he’s confused of whether he’s diving or soaring—in the midst of its chaos, issei only knows peace. because whether he looks up at the sky or down where he’s meant to land, the black of the sky and the inked navy of the ocean looks the same.
do we soar to the stars or dive headfirst into the ocean? is the question he thinks of, and just like that the infinite remains unanswered.
“the inevitable is something that will never be in our hands to change,” issei replies instead, his voice hushed.
and he knows you hear him because just like that, you tremble in his hands and cry at fate’s truth.
“to think that i have loved you, am loving you, and will be loving you, i think is really the universe’s only way of being forgiving,” you hear issei mumble, as your heart clenches even further.
the scattered lights are back, you notice. you see them vivid behind your eyelids as you press the heels of your palm to your eyes to fight back the tears. the words you wish to say come in pieces of letters instead of coherent sentences while the feeling in your heart feels like it’s already at its peak.
looking at issei, you scramble for a sense of fluidity so you can capture your thoughts and lay them out as how you feel them—but your mouth comes dry.
and like the simplest lullaby that never failed to hum you to sleep, issei’s voice chimes: “how rare and beautiful it is to even just exist.”
“in this moment, in this very second we’re in the same life and loving each other with names we’ve come to know.”
and because you’ve always thought that the listening void deserved the greatest honors, before you could even allow it, your heart calms as the puzzle pieces snap in place.
“do you really think that the universe is still forgiving? despite it making us chase each other in different lifetimes with different faces and names every single time?” you ask, looking for comfort in his truth.
“your soul remains,” issei says, the twinkle in his eyes looking like stars.
“i love you by your soul, and not your name, and neither the universe or fate could ever take that away from us,” he finishes.
you decide that the stars you see in his eyes are those who are still alive.
“are you certain? that the universe won’t take that away from us?” you ask, exhaling your truth as a question instead of a confession.
“could we ever truly be certain?” issei replies, not really knowing the answer himself.
earth’s gravity reminds him of its presence when issei turns to look at you and sees the hem of your sweater fall onto the blades of grass. and for what it’s worth, it brings him comfort; it reminds him that despite the uncertainties and cruelty of fate, the universe’s mercy also exists.
where you and him with the souls that probably have loved again and again, in the moment exist together under the stars.
the truth you hold is one that speaks of an unsourced ache.
and though shrouded in mystery, as you turn to look at him and offer him a smile where he knows he may have just seen in this life but found a familiar refuge in from his soul—issei can never deny the beauty the universe holds when it comes to exhale its truth.
The Music that Inspired “The One to Make It Stay” - Official Playlist
It looks like it’ll be a while before the next chapter of “Horror Head” comes out, so here’s a playlist of all the music I quoted from and got chapter/arc titles from.
Check the cut for the track listing (in case YT removes something :/). There are no tracks for the epilogue yet, but there are the tracks that inspire the chapter titles for the last act of “Horror Head”.
1. Pauline - Darling Violetta
2. Thinking of Ways - The Boo Radleys
3. Blowin’ Cool - Swervedriver
4. Slide - Low
5. All Through the Day - Asobi Seksu
6. Lost in Space - The Veldt
7. Son of Mustang Ford - Swervedriver
8. Kill Rhythm - Catherine Wheel
9. Colors Running Out - TOY
10. Etheriel - Lush
11. Feel So Real - Swervedriver
12. Frozen - Curve
13. Wish You Dead - Curve
14. Lose My Breath - My Bloody Valentine
15. Revolutionary Sister - The Veldt
16. Saturn Jig - All Natural Lemon and Lime Flavors
17. Iceblink Luck - Cocteau Twins
18. When You Sleep - My Bloody Valentine
19. Tears Are in Your Eyes - Yo La Tengo
20. Jessamine - Darling Violetta
21. Stop Wasting Your Whole Life/Messed Up and Down (Medley) - Starflyer 59
22. Cure - Darling Violetta
23. Subject to the Ladder - Broadcast
24. Horror Head - Curve
25. Duel - Swervedriver
26. Crash Sight - Adorable
27. Slow Thrills - Bowery Electric
28. Hunted - Pale Saints
29. Kick the Tragedy - Drop Nineteens
30. Already Yours - Curve
31. Downer - Lush
32. Winona - Drop Nineteens
33. Blackout - Lush
34. Your Path to Divinity - Jesu
35. Girl on a Motorbike - Swervedriver
36. Souvenirs d’un Autre Monde - Alcest
37. Cloudbusting - Wild Nothing
38. Ophelia - Darling Violetta
39. Electric Elegy - Darling Violetta
40. Numb - Darling Violetta
41. The Ballad of Ali Fox - Darling Violetta
42. Anastasia Says - Darling Violetta
43. Blue Sun - Darling Violetta
“PLAYLIST: LEO FITZ (AGENTS OF SHIELD)”
requester: anon // request here
PLAYLIST ON SPOTIFY HERE!
20 songs inspired by Leo Fitz. I hope you enjoy it!!
An Honour - Luke De-Sciscio
Fair - The Amazing Devil
Til Kingdom Come - Coldplay
Strawberry Fields Forever - The Beatles
Basket Case - Bastille
Sympathy for the Devil - The Rolling Stones
Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons
The Scientist - Coldplay
Saturn - Sleeping at Last
Broken - Anson Seabra
Son - Sleeping at Last
FZZT - Bear McCreary
To Build A Home - The Cinematic Orchestra
Swallowed in the Sea - Coldplay
Train Wreck - James Arthur
Sign of the Times - Harry Styles
Love and War - Fleurie
Forest Fire - Brighton
Somebody to Die For - Hurts
Waterloo - ABBA
since it’s the first anniversary of folklore, i decided to make a post dedicated to all the lyrics i will never emotionally recover from
- if you never bleed, you’re never gonna grow
- you know the greatest loves of all time are over now
- i persist and resist the temptation to ask you if one thing had been different, would everything be different today?
- when you are young, they assume you know know nothing, but i knew you
- when i felt like i was an old cardigan under someone’s bed, you put me on and said i was your favorite
- a friend to all is a friend to none
- you drew stars around my scars, but now i’m bleedin’
- marked me like a bloodstain
- i knew you tried to change the ending, peter losing wendy
- leavin’ like a father, running like water
- fifty years is a long time holiday house sat quietly on that beach, free of woman with madness, their men and bad habits, and then it was bought by me
- there goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen, i had a marvelous time ruining everything
- it took you five whole minutes to pack us up and leave me with it, holdin’ all this love out here in the hall
- you’re not my homeland anymore, so what am i defending now?
- you were my town, now i’m in exile, seein’ you out
- second, third, and hundredth chances, balancin’ on breaking branches, those eyes add insult to injury
- i’m not your problem anymore, so who am i offending now?
- even on my worst day, did i deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me? cause i loved you, i swear i loved you til my dying day
- and if i’m dead to you, why are you at the wake? cursing my name, wishing i stayed, look at how my tears ricochet
- you know i didn’t want to have to haunt you, but what a ghostly scene
- and i can go anywhere i want, anywhere i want, just not home
- and you can aim for my heart, go for blood, but you would still miss me in your bones
- and when you can’t sleep at night, you hear my stolen lullabies
- you had to kill me but it killed you just the same
- when i break, it’s in a million pieces
- i’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me
- and i’m still a believer, but i don’t know why, i’ve never been a natural, all i do is try, try, try
- i’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me
- and though i can’t recall your face, i still got love for you
- your braids make a pattern, love you to the moon and to saturn
- and i’ve been meaning to tell you, i think your house is haunted, your dad is always mad and that must be why
- and i think you should come live with me and we can be pirates, then you want have to cry, or hide in the closet
- passed down like folk songs, our love lasts so long
- i remember thinking i had you
- wanting was enough, for me, it was enough, to live for the hope of it all, cancel plans just in case you’d call
- so much for summer love and saying “us”, cause you weren’t mine to lose
this is me trying:
- i had the shiniest wheels now their rusting
- i didn’t know if you’d care if i came back
- pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could’ve followed my fears all the way down
- i just wanted you to know that this is me trying
- they told me all of my cages were mental, so i got wasted like all my potential
- and my words shoot to kill when i’m mad, i have a lot of regrets about that
- it’s hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound
- look at this godforsaken mess that you made me, you showed me colors you know i can’t see with anyone else
- look at this idiotic fool that you made me, you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else, and you know damn well, for you, i would ruin myself, a million little times
- chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons, one single thread of gold tied me to you
- hell was the journey but it brought me heaven
- do you see my face in the neighbor’s lawn? does she smile? or does she mouth, “fuck you, forever”?
- and you’ll poke that bear til her claws come out, and you find something to wrap your noose around
- and women like hunting witches too, doing your dirtiest work for you, it’s obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together
- something med school did not cover, someone’s daughter, someone’s mother
- holds your hand through plastic now, “doc, i think she’s crashing out”, and some things you just can’t speak about
- i never had the courage of my convictions as long as danger is near, and it’s just around the corner, darling, cause it lives in me, no, i could never give you peace
- all these people think love’s for show, but i would die for you in secret
- and you know that i’d swing with you for the fences, sit with you in the trenches, give you my wild, give you a child
- i’d give you my sunshine, give you my best but the rain is always gonna come, if you’re standing with me
- stood on the cliffside screaming, “give me a reason”
- i am ash from your fire
- you knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart, but what you did is just as dark
- my only one, my kingdom come undone, my broken drum, you have beaten my heart
- i’ve come too far to watch some namedropping sleaze tell me what are my words worth
- i’m setting off, but not without my muse, no, not without you
After moving into a small home you begin to notice some weird things that have been happening.
Warnings: Swearing, that’s about it. There’s an alcoholic beverage at the end.
Word Count: 4k
A/N: This was something I wrote for Halloween but only had half of it done when Halloween got here lol. Let me know if you want a part 2. I think the beginning is a little rough? But after that it gets better I hope.
Living alone at the age of 28 wasn’t something you imagined yourself doing when you graduated from school. You and your roommate from college always talked about moving in together after school, but things change. In this case she got a boyfriend and wanted to move in with him instead. So here you were moving into a small rented home with your cat instead of her. The house wasn’t super small but it wasn’t big either. You didn’t need much, just a place to eat and sleep and lounge about on your days off. You got the house for cheaper than what you would’ve expected. It's not falling apart or in a super terrible place either, but you weren’t going to ask questions. As the months went on you learned that maybe sometimes you should ask questions.
The first month came and went with no issues that concerned you. Sure you had to call your landlord twice because your heating system was broken. It’d be one temperature in one room and in the next it’d be colder. It wasn’t a huge difference but it was enough for it to bug you. You also noticed a few things out of place when you’d get back from work, but you brushed that off as your cat messing with things while she was alone in the house.
The second month was a little weirder to you, but you brushed it off as the stress of living in a new area and starting a new job. There were times where you’d leave your room at three am and see something move out of the corner of your eye. You had originally brushed it off as your cat moving about at night, but one night you realized that she had been in your room the whole time. You decided to push it to the back of your mind and mark it off as you being paranoid.
You had a day off and you decided to have your old roommate, Nemuri, over for a small hangout so you could catch up. It was an hour before she was supposed to come over and you were cleaning up your home when you came across a cat toy you were 80% sure you put away. You glanced over at your assumed culprit and back at the toy before speaking, “Seriously Saturn what am I going to do with you. Every time I put away a toy it seems like you drag it out again.” You sighed and placed the toy over with the rest before finishing the little cleaning you had to do.
You were finishing up cooking when you had heard the knock on the door as it opened. “Knock knock I’m coming in darling.” You had heard Nemuri let herself in and chuckled softly to yourself before taking everything off the stove. “Oh there you are. For a second I thought I walked into an empty home.” Nemuri stated as she gracefully strided into the kitchen.
“How was the commute over here? It wasn’t too long was it? I said we could meet somewhere, you didn’t have to come all the way here.” You moved around the kitchen getting out bowls and cups for you two, “What do you want to drink? I have tea or I have some coffee from this morning, it’s still warm.” You heard her say that tea was fine before wandering around the front area of your home.
“This is a cute little home you have here Y/n. However, it is a little chilly. You should get your heating checked out, I’m nipping out over here.” You rolled your eyes at the fact that she still has no filter when it comes to more crude topics. You thought for sure she’d mellow out, but it’s not Nemuri if she wasn’t the definition of “TMI”.
As you set everything on the table you called out your response, “I have, twice. They have no idea what’s wrong with it. It’s not like it’s terrible, I just put on a sweater and call it good. Anyway, the food is ready so come eat. I made dumplings because I remember you saying you were going to miss them when we graduated.”
As you both ate you had some light conversation about where you were working and how the move for both of you went. Finishing up the meal and setting the dishes in the sink to wash later you turned to Nemuri, “So how’s your little boytoy?” You asked as you walked over to the couch where she had decided to make herself comfortable and find something to watch for background noise.
She laughed as she gave you her response, “He’s fine I’m sure, but we broke up a little while ago.” Before you could ask what happened she had let out a deep sigh, “Men these days are so vanilla. You wanna spice things up a little bit and all you get back in response is “That’s not going to fit” or “what the hell are you doing with that” I swear it’s so hard to find a man who wants to experiment, yanno?”
Upon hearing her reasoning you started choking on the drink you started taking before she talked. After calming down from your sudden near death experience you looked at her with both your eyebrows raised, “Uhm, no I can’t say that I do know. Honestly Nemuri sometimes I wonder if you were just born without a filter or if you got to a certain age and it broke.”
She replied with the fact that she’s never had one as she laughed at your reaction, “We should get you a man...or woman...You know I just realized I never asked about that. So like, Girl in Red? Sweater Weather? Or?” You just gave her a look that said you were confused before she sighed, “I’m asking if you’re gay.”
You made a face of realization before you felt your face get a tinge warmer. “I’ve never really been in more than one relationship but I do know that I like both. Actually I don’t think it matters, yanno? If I like someone, I like someone. I don’t care what they are.” She squealed excitedly before jumping straight into a plan of going out on a weekend and finding someone for you before you cut her off, “Nemuri! I’m not really looking for a relationship right now. Between work, and still trying to figure things out I don’t really want to throw a relationship into the mix.” She nodded in understanding before moving the topic to something else. Even though she had to filter you were glad she respected your boundaries and didn’t push anything.
You spent the next hour or so catching up before she said she had to leave for some appointment. You walked her to the door and watched as she put on what looked like six inches of death in shoe form and left. You walked into the kitchen to clean everything up and noticed that the dumplings you had left on the hot plate were gone and the hot plate turned off. You laughed and told yourself you’re just being silly and you probably put them in the fridge for later. You quickly did the dishes and put everything away before going to grab a drink from the fridge. As you glanced in there you had noticed that the dumplings weren’t in the fridge like you thought and they had just disappeared. You quickly glanced around the kitchen to make sure you weren’t crazy. You realized they weren’t there and quickly made your way around the house. You decided before you checked all the rooms in your house that if there was indeed someone in your house you were fucked. You went to the living room and found a weapon, not that you had any that were useful. You grabbed an exacto knife from your various supplies and decided it was better than nothing.
Heading over to your bedroom first you slowly pushed open the door before walking in and noticing that no one was there. You checked all of the rooms, leaving only one room you hadn’t quite decided what you were doing with last. As you were checking the rooms you told yourself that this was ridiculous and that no one was in the rooms and I was probably Saturn that ate them. That still doesn’t explain how the hot plate was off, also you haven’t seen Saturn in a while. You lowered your weapon before pushing open the last door. You dropped the exacto knife as you saw what looked to be a homeless man playing with your cat. He looked at you and the exacto knife you dropped and then your cat and back to you. Without saying anything he disappeared.
After seeing that you screamed and ran out of the room before running back in and snatching Saturn off the ground and running to your room to pack your shit and get the hell out of town. “Oh hell to the motherfucking no! I am not going to be in a horror movie, not today Satan. I prefer to watch them, not live them! Saturn, aren’t you supposed to see this shit! Why didn’t you say anything?! Fucking traitors, just gonna let me get killed by the ghost. You’d like that wouldn’t you you sick fuck.” During your ramble and rant you hadn’t noticed the figure standing in the doorway with his arms crossed watching you.
In the middle of you scolding your cat you heard a “Are you done yet?” You dropped the pair of sweatpants you were about to pack and let out a high pitched scream. Turning around you looked at the ghostly man and whispered a pathetic “please don’t kill me”. He shook his head in response, “If I were going to kill you, I would’ve done it already. Why would I wait months to kill you?” You paused and narrowed your eyes at the man. You had no clue why he would wait months to kill you, that still doesn’t make this situation any better. You were still scared and now a little creeped out that this dead (somewhat handsome) man had been living in the house and watching you.
“Okay well if you aren’t going to kill me, what do you want?” He gave a shrug in response before uncrossing his arms and walking into the room to sit on your bed with your cat. You instinctively took a few steps back when he started walking into the room. “So have you been moving all my stuff around and getting things out.” He nodded in response. You both stayed quiet for a few moments before you slowly started to unpack the suitcase you had thrown on your bed.
After unpacking everything you looked at the man for a few moments. You feel a little bad about the homeless comment, but upon looking at him you can’t really blame yourself. He looks a little gruff. Long hair and some stubble, he also had terrible bags. You coughed a bit before speaking, not quite sure how to start this conversation, “Do you want some tea? Wait, can you even drink things? No that’s a dumb question you clearly can, I’m assuming you ate the dumplings from earlier. I still think we should talk about things whether you want to drink tea or not. I’m having tea, specifically a calming tea because I feel like I just ran a goddamn mile and I’m having a heart attack.” As you talked you walked to the kitchen and put on a kettle.
“I’ll have a cup of tea. Yes I can eat and drink, I don’t need to, but sometimes I liked to just to remember what things tasted like.” You gave a sad smile at that thought and made you both cups of tea before sitting down at the couch. You noticed the exacto knife on the counter and felt your cheeks get warm, what were you gonna do with that? “What questions do you have?”
You thought about it for a moment, “Uh is there anything you don’t want to tell me?” he shrugged in response so you figured that meant he didn’t care. “Well to start off with, what’s your name?”
“Aizawa Shota.” You nodded, glad you had a name for him and weren’t just calling him ghost. You would’ve felt awkward if he didn’t remember or something and you had to call him ghost. “How did you die? When? You don’t have to answer if it’s like a sensitive topic or something.” You quickly tacked on the last part just in case he got upset and disappeared again, you felt more comfortable being able to see him and knowing where he was.
“I don’t remember how, as far as how long, it’s probably been a few years. They all start to meld together after a while.” Well that’s not depressing, you thought as you took a drink of your tea and thought of another question. “So what was your plan of attack with the exacto knife?” He decided to ask a question while you thought of another. You felt your face get redder than before and you stuttered out a response before he chuckled and told you he was kidding.
You talked and asked questions back and forth for a few hours before you thought you had a pretty good understanding of your new roommate. He was a teacher before he died and was stuck at the age 30. He likes cats, although you could have guessed that from your first interaction, he also likes sleep but doesn’t need to as a ghost. He could choose when and when not to appear visible. You also learned that he can’t leave the house, so he’s been stuck here for a while.
As it got later in the evening you let out a yawn and he asked if you wanted to go to bed. You had nodded and thought of something, “Where have you been sleeping?” He silently pointed at the couch as he got up and grabbed the cups from the coffee table. You frowned and gave the couch a few experimental bounces, “Is it comfortable?” You got up and called into the kitchen. You jumped as he walked through the wall towards you, “Jesus I’m never going to get used to that, I can tell you that right now.”
He silently laughed before responding, “It’s comfortable enough, why? Going to offer your bed?” He quirked an eyebrow at you as you began to stutter for the millionth time that day. “I’m just messing with you, it’s fine you don’t need to worry.”
You frowned once again, “I can set up a ‘spare room’ and that can be your room. I won’t be having guests over often but on the off chance someone does you’ll have to go back to the couch for a night or two.”
“Yeah you can do that if you want, but you don’t have to buy things for me to sleep on, I’m fine with the couch, I slept on a floor before you got here.” You never thought about it like that, but when you think about it yeah he had nothing to do before you moved here. If you didn’t feel bad before you do now. You let out a fine and went to your room to get ready for bed.
It had been nearly a year since moving into your new home and almost ten months since you found out about your new ghostly roommate. Everything had been pretty interesting. True to your word you still hadn’t got used to him walking through the walls to get to his destinations. You think one of these times it’s going to give you a heart attack and send you into the afterlife with him. You started making extra helpings during your meals, deciding that if he doesn’t eat them you can take them to work with you. You also bought a bed and nightstand for the spare room. You would have left it as just the bed but if someone like Nemuri did stay the night you figured it’d be weird if there was just a bed and nothing else.
You two had gotten pretty close over the months you’ve lived together, you talked everyday and learned more about each other. You would consider him one of your three friends. You didn’t have many people you considered friends, so yeah he’s one of them. You had hoped that he considered you a friend as well. Nemuri had come over a few times where you forgot to tell him and he almost walked into the room with her. Not that you think she would care, but you definitely thought she would lose her shit if the way she found out was him walking through the wall. You just haven’t found out how to tell her. I mean how do you bring that up in conversation, “Hey I have a roommate, but surprise! He’s dead!” that didn’t seem like it’d get you thrown in the loony bin at all. You talked about him pretending to be alive, it’s not like you can tell he’s not alive anyway. For now you just haven’t told her, it hasn’t caused problems yet.
Tonight Nemuri had finally convinced you to let her set you up with someone. You didn’t necessarily want to but she had been bugging you about this for a while so you figured if you let her do it this once she’d finally leave you alone about it. You had been getting ready when you realized you weren’t sure what you were doing. You didn’t know if she meant going to a bar and her trying to find someone there or if she had already found someone. You started to look for your phone in your room to text her when you realized it was in the living room. You sighed and walked over to the coffee table when Aizawa had looked over and saw you were dressed up.
He gave you a once over and raised his eyebrows, “Where are you going tonight? You never go out.” You laughed at the question and the comment.
You sent Nemuri a text asking what the hell was going on because all she told you prior was “look hot”. After sending the text you looked at Aizawa, “Nemuri is setting me up tonight, but I don’t know if she means on a date or finding some random guy in a club.” Aizawa paused for a moment before letting out an oh and turning to the tv. You looked at him with a confused look on your face before walking back to your room to finish getting ready.
Nemuri had texted you back saying you were going to a club to find someone and you rolled your eyes. You had been hoping for the other option, she also sent you a text stating that she had been here. You went to leave and say goodbye to Aizawa but saw that the tv had been shut off and he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. You shrugged and left the house, you got into Nemuri’s car and buckled your seatbelt when you sat down. You were all for “living on the edge” as she called it, but when it comes to Nemuri and driving you weren’t taking chances. She was a driver from hell.
“What club are we going to? Also what do you hope to accomplish tonight? I’m not a one night stand kind of girl, I’ve been in one relationship that ended in a disaster.” She told you that you guys were just going to look and you didn’t have to have a one night stand, but at least talk to a few people. The rest of the way to the club was just you two listening to the playlist that she had decided for the night. Upon arriving she parked the car and walked straight up to the bouncer. You were already wary of tonight because she had just cut in front a lot of people. You didn’t know much about the clubbing scene but you guessed that was a big no no. She had told the bouncer her name and was immediately let in. You quickly followed her in careful not to make eye contact with the people who were in line.
“I know the dj that works in this club so I get let in for free.” You nodded in understanding and continued to follow her to the bar. You both ordered your drinks, while you waited for them to get done Nemuri started scoping out the room and looking for god knows what. You had no clue what her standards for men were anymore, or what she thought your standards for men would be. You thanked the bartender as he set your drinks down in front of you. As she continued to look around you started at your drink taking a hesitant sip, you weren’t big on alcohol.
Nemuri tapped your shoulder and you turned around, drink in hand, as she pointed in a direction. You tried following her finger but failed miserably, it was so packed in here. You gave her a questioning look before she decided on describing them instead, “That blonde guy in the black and gold tank top. He kinda looks like he’s wearing eyeliner.” You found who she was talking about and squinted trying to see him better from here. You didn’t like this clubbing idea so far.
Upon looking at him you gave her your answer, “No.” she let out a ‘why, he’s cute’ to which you responded with, “Yeah and looks about ten years younger than us. Nemuri, all of the people in here look way too young for me. You might be into the younger generation but I’m not. Thank you and all, but I’m just going to go home.”
“Y/n it’s only been like fifteen minutes come one.” She whined as you paid for your drink and thanked the bartender.
“Nemuri I shouldn’t have even come out tonight. The lights are hurting my eyes, the sound is giving me a headache, my claustrophobia is going to kick in, and I can already tell that none of these people aren’t my type, because my type wouldn’t be at a club. I’m sorry but I’m going home.” After saying that you walked outside and called a cab to take you home.
Twenty minutes late you arrived home and sighed as you kicked off your shoes. You went to take off your make-up but left your clothes on as you decided to make yourself a snack. You kneeled down to pet Saturn as she joined you in the kitchen while your food was heating up. Jumping in place as you saw Aizawa come out from the wall. You let out a small hey as you stood up and took your food out of the microwave and began to eat.
He leaned against the counter with a glass of water in hand, “Have fun? Meet anyone you liked?”
You laughed in response, “Uhm no, I hate clubs and everyone there was way too young. I don’t think she realizes we have two completely different tastes. Besides, my type wouldn’t be at a club anyway.”
He nodded in understanding, setting his glass in the sink and turning to you again, “What is your type?”
You finished eating as you thought about it. You’ve never really thought about it before, you definitely know they wouldn’t be at a club though. “I’m not sure to be honest. I’m going to bed though. G’night Aizawa.” You gave him a brief hug before going to your room.
After you got ready for bed you thought about what your type would be some more. You stared at the ceiling as you thought, they probably wouldn’t be loud. They would probably be quiet, but not like a pushover quiet. They’d have to like cats, if they don’t it’s not gonna work out. Probably a homebody who you can nap with. But also someone you can joke around with. That’s when it hit you. Fuck.
Aizawa is your type.
The Sarahs as Songs from Folklore and Evermore
Link in the names are the Spotify playlists I have for each character. These playlists are a never ending work in progress. Some posts can be found on a few of them on the Masterlist link above.
The reasoning for these songs vary. Some are like I’m pitching you a thesis for an essay and others are just little blurbs. Also, I apologize for any grammatical errors! A lot of this was worked on after midnight, so there might be a few errors I missed.
Billie Dean Howard
“cowboy like me”
I've got some tricks up my sleeve
Takes one to know one
You're a cowboy like me
Never wanted love
Just a fancy car
Now I'm waiting by the phone
Like I'm sitting in an airport bar
You had some tricks up your sleeve
Takes one to know one
You're a cowboy like me
Perched in the dark
Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear
Like it could be love
I could be the way forward
Only if they pay for it
You gotta love Billie Dean. This song gives me Billie vibes in the way that the narrator never was really looking for love, they just kind of stumbled upon it. Billie Dean was never really looking since she was focused on her show and her career in general, wanting fame and fortune. Settling down for love wasn’t in the cards, but then she finds the perfect person and the person she ends up falling for is someone similar to her, never wanting to settle down.
Long story short, two lady killers meet and fall for each other.
But I can see us lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
'Cause it was never mine
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away like a bottle of wine
'Cause you were never mine
A lot of folklore gives me teen au vibes for a lot of these characters. This one makes me think of teen summer romance au with lady killer Billie Dean. For teen Billie, I just picture her having a whirlwind summer romance that doesn’t last long, but it leaves such an impact on her and the other person even after they’ve returned to someone else at the end of the summer.
Yeah, I showed up at your party
Will you have me? Will you love me?
Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends?
If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it?
Will it patch your broken wings?
I'm only 17, I don't know anything
But I know I miss you
I know this song isn’t gay, but I want it to be, so here we are. Pretty much my only reasoning for this one is teen au vibes.
Sequin smile, black lipstick
When you are young, they assume you know nothing
But I knew you
Dancin' in your Levi's
Drunk under a streetlight, I
I knew you
Hand under my sweatshirt
Baby, kiss it better, I
And when I felt like I was an old cardigan
Under someone's bed
You put me on and said I was your favorite
Secret relationship with Lana and her giving her lover all the love she deserves. Lana Winters is such a loving person and from her trouble with her family and others in her life, she knows what it’s like to feel like “an old cardigan sweater under someone’s bed” and she doesn’t want her lover to ever feel like that.
Another thing about this is in the first three lines. Lana is a young woman working in a mainly male dominated field. All the men (most of them older as well) look down on her because she is a young woman assuming, as the lyrics suggests, that she knows nothing. I might be crazy, but I feel like these first few lines some up some of the Lana we know and see throughout season two and her multiple appearances in other seasons as well.
Do you ever stop and think about me?
When we were younger
Down in the park
Honey, making a lark of the misery
You got shiny friends since you left town
A tiny screen's the only place I see you now
And I got nothing but well wishes for ya
Dear reader, I propose to you this, the narrator talking about our Lana Winters. Specifically, I’m referring to Lana towards the end of season two where she has gotten fame from her book and her newfound fame goes to her head a little bit. The spin is that along with this she’s got a lover back home that wishes her well, but misses her, yearns for her if you will. So, we’re going to pretend there’s an AU where Lana’s got a lover back home and watches this all occur.
“my tears ricochet”
And I can go anywhere I want
Anywhere I want, just not home
And you can aim for my heart, go for blood
But you would still miss me in your bones
And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky)
And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves
You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
You turned into your worst fears
CORDELIA HAS BEEN DONE DIRTY BY QUITE A FEW PEOPLE IN HER LIFE. Sis has been done dirty by Fiona, Hank, and problem a few other people we don’t even know about.
This song makes me think of a few different things with Cordelia. The Fiona aspect is 1) Fiona’s anger with Cordelia for being the Supreme instead of being happy and proud of her daughter and 2) Fiona’s overall poor treatment of Cordelia.
You could also interpret this as Cordelia’s awful relationship with good ol toxic Hank. Cordelia didn’t deserve the awful treatment from Hank and Fiona. Cordelia is trying to deal with all of this and she loved these people, but they treated her so poorly and in the end it’s going to come back and bite them in the end.
I wait by the door like I'm just a kid
Use my best colors for your portrait
Lay the table with the fancy shit
And watch you tolerate it
If it's all in my head, tell me now
Tell me I've got it wrong somehow
I know my love should be celebrated
But you tolerate it
Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life
Drawing hearts in the byline
Always taking up too much space or time
You assume I'm fine
This song HURTS me. You can interpret this song a few different ways, but the way I interpret it for Cordelia is to look at it as a mother/daughter relationship between her and Fiona.
As a child, Cordelia always wanted to impress her mother. Her mother was the Supreme after all, so she had a lot to live up to (makes me think of “Now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life”). She’s giving it her all like the lyrics “Use my best colors for your portrait / Lay the table with the fancy shit.” The first line from the excerpt above also points to Cordelia still seeking this approval even now that she’s an adult. She does all of this for her mother, but in return her mother just merely tolerates it. It never seems like enough to impress her even though Cordelia is a successful and overall incredible woman. She always feels like she’s not enough, merely getting in the way (”Always taking up too much space or time”).
My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand
Taking mine, but it's been promised to another
Oh, I can't
Stop you putting roots in my dreamland
My house of stone, your ivy grows
And now I'm covered in you
I wish to know
The fatal flaw that makes you long to be
He's in the room
Your opal eyes are all I wish to see
He wants what's only yours
AU AU AU AU AU
Picture it: a historical au with a forbidden love between Lady Cordelia Goode and a normal working class gal, however, Cordelia has been promised to marry another, say Hank. Secret relationship ensues.
I have so many thoughts on this au
Bette and Dot Tattler
Sweet tea in the summer
Cross your heart, won't tell no other
And though I can't recall your face
I still got love for you
Your braids like a pattern
Love you to the moon and to Saturn
Passed down like folk songs
The love lasts so long
This song just captures the innocence that I think fits Bette and Dot really well. It’s hard to find songs to fit these two, but I really think this one has their vibes.
Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind
Head on the pillow, I could feel you sneaking in
As if you were a mythical thing
Like you were a trophy or a champion ring
And there was one prize I'd cheat to win
The more that you say
The less I know
Wherever you stray
I'm begging for you to take my hand
Wreck my plans
That's my man
Like “seven,” this song captures the innocent, sweet vibes that these two have. This one adds to the hopeless romantic aspect that both Bette and Dot have as well.
This has broken me down
My twisted knife
My sleepless night
My win-less fight
This has frozen my ground
Stood on the cliffside
Screaming, "Give me a reason"
Your faithless love's the only hoax
I believe in
Don't want no other shade of blue
No other sadness in the world would do
Sally is a sad bitch. Poor girl has been heart broken and I elaborate on this next part more later. With her love, Sally doesn’t want to move on from that person since she believed they were the love of her life, however, now they’ve betrayed her and are gone and she’s alone once again.
“right where you left me”
Everybody moved on, I
I stayed there
Dust collected on my pinned-up hair
They expected me to find somewhere
Some perspective, but I sat and stared
Right where you left me
You left me no
Oh, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
You left me
AHHHH THIS IS A SALLY SONG! I’ve had this post in my drafts since evermore came out and I was worried I wouldn’t have much for Sally, but then this bonus track came out and I couldn’t not think of Sally when I listened to it.
This is another one of those songs that you can interpret literally or figuratively. In Sally’s case you could definitely interpret this as her being trapped as a literal ghost in the Cortez after her lover leaves her but you can also look at it in terms of Sally’s personality. In love, Sally seems like the person to hold onto someone long after they are gone and moved on. She loves hard, so it is extremely hard for her to move on. I think that if she found the person she believed was the right person and they ended up leaving her, she wouldn’t move on from them at all. She’d be holding on, waiting for them to come back even if they never do.
But we were something, don't you think so?
Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool
And if my wishes came true
It would've been you
In my defense, I have none
For never leaving well enough alone
But it would've been fun
If you would've been the one
Audrey looking back on a love from another time. Basically I want all of the AUs. I wish I had more to say, but vibes.
And they called off the circus
Burned the disco down
When they sent home the horses
And the rodeo clowns
I'm still on that tightrope
I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me
I'm still a believer but I don't know why
I've never been a natural
All I do is try, try, try
I'm still on that trapeze
I'm still trying everything
To keep you looking at me
This song makes me think of Audrey having to be different versions of herself for everyone through her career path and being a celebrity because she wants so desperately for people to love her and everything she does. She loves the spotlight with “I’m still on that trapeze / I’m still trying everything / To keep you looking at me,” and she’s such a people pleaser that she’ll do anything to get people to continue to like her even if sometimes there’s nothing you can do (”And they called off the circus / Burned the disco down”). I come to this conclusion through Audrey’s insecurities about her age that we see in the second half of season six with her relationship with Rory.
Because I dropped your hand while dancing
Left you out there standing
Crestfallen on the landing
Your mom's ring in your pocket
My picture in your wallet
Your heart was glass, I dropped it
I’m not gonna lie, I don’t have a huge interpretation for this one. This kinda just makes me think of angsty au with Audrey.
“’tis the damn season”
So we could call it even
You could call me babe for the weekend
'Tis the damn season, write this down
I'm stayin' at my parents' house
And the road not taken looks real good now
And it always leads to you in my hometown
Out of everyone, Audrey is the person I picture going back to the ex for the holidays. She wants get cuffed for the holiday season even if it’s only for a little while.
Green was the color of the grass
Where I used to read at Centennial Park
I used to think I would meet somebody there...
Time, curious time
Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs
Were there clues I didn't see?
And isn't it just so pretty to think
All along there was some
Tying you to me?
Audrey is definitely the type of person to believe in fate. To her everything happens for a reason and one day she’s going to find her soulmate. Overall, big Audrey Tindall vibes.
Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy
What about that?
And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry
And there's nothing like a mad woman
What a shame she went mad
No one likes a mad woman
You made her like that
And you'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out
And you find something to wrap your noose around
And there's nothing like a mad woman
You cannot tell me that Ally did not ghost write this like damn this song screams Ally. This song is literally all about how society has a habit of gaslighting women and that’s exactly what happened to Ally for most of season seven. The entire season focused on Kai’s cult working to convince Ally that she’s going insane and when people wouldn’t believe the very real terror’s she was suffering from, it pushed her closer and closer to madness until she nearly breaks from it all.
“no body, no crime” feat. HAIM
Good thing my daddy made me get a boating license when I was fifteen
And I've cleaned enough houses to know how to cover up a scene
Good thing Este's sister's gonna swear she was with me ("She was with me dude")
Good thing his mistress took out a big life insurance policy
They think she did it but they just can't prove it
They think she did it but they just can't prove it
She thinks I did it but she just can't prove it
No, no body, no crime
I wasn't letting up until the day he died
We love a homicidal queen. Ally isn’t in SCUM for nothing. Also I’m pretty sure this is my favorite song from evermore because I’m in love with the vibes.
Never be so polite, you forget your power
Never wield such power, you forget to be polite
This bit of the song just makes me think of how Ally holds herself at the end of the season. It’s a simple, but still expresses the perfect message.
It's been a long time
And seeing the shape of your name
Still spells out pain
It wasn't right
The way it all went down
Looks like you know that now
Yes, I got your letter
Yes, I'm doing better
ALLY DOESN’T NEED YOUR APOLOGY! SHE’S A BAD BITCH
“exile” feat. Bon Iver
All this time
We always walked a very thin line
You didn't even hear me out
You never gave a warning sign
All this time
I never learned to read your mind
I couldn't turn things around
'Cause you never gave a warning sign
For these lyrics I’m picturing Mina’s lover saying/thinking them. Mina isn’t used to love, so when she finally falls for someone and they reciprocate those feelings she gets scared. She shuts them out without any warning sign because she’s not sure how to handle all these intense feelings for this person.
Make sure nobody sees you leave
Hood over your head
Keep your eyes down
Tell your friends you're out for a run
You'll be flushed when you return
Take the road less traveled by
Tell yourself you can always stop
What started in beautiful rooms
Ends with meetings in parking lots
And that's the thing about illicit affairs
And clandestine meetings
And longing stares
It's born from just one single glance
But it dies, and it dies, and it dies
A million little times
The connotation of these lyrics is everything in my interpretation of it with Wilhemina. The story line is similar to the song “ivy,” but the connotation of the affairs taking place is completely different. “ivy” is all about a forbidden but loving relationship, while “illicit affairs” has a more negative connotation to where the affair is tearing the person apart. This song makes me think of a secret relationship with Wilhemina where her lover wants something more than just a secret affair, but Wilhemina isn’t willing to open herself up enough for that. This affair turns into something that isn’t working well for the lover, but they want Wilhemina so much that they put up with whatever they can get.
Honey, when I'm above the trees
I see it for what it is
But now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head
After giving you the best I had
Tell me what to give after that
All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness
You haven't met the new me yet
And I think she'll give you that
I don’t have much in the interpretation department for this one, but this song does make me think of Mildred’s personality. This song has the vulnerability and a bit of bitterness that I feel like Mildred would have in a situation like this. I’m not exactly sure how to describe it but this makes me think of her outlook on love and heartbreak.
“evermore” feat. Bon Iver
I rewind the tape but all it does is pause
On the very moment all was lost
To be double crossed
And I was catching my breath
Barefoot in the wildest winter
Catching my death
And I couldn't be sure
I had a feeling so peculiar
That this pain would be for
This girl has been “double crossed.” My woman Mildred has been done dirty. This makes me think of angsty Mildred getting betrayed by someone who she trusted in love. And I don’t it’s sad and I thought of some sad vibes with bb millie.
With you, I serve
With you, I fall down, down
Watch you breathe in
Watch you breathing out, out
Something med school did not cover
Someone's daughter, someone's mother
Holds your hand through plastic now
"Doc, I think she's crashing out"
And some things you just can't speak about
Nurse Mildred Ratched. That is all folks.
But I don't like a gold rush, gold rush
I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush
I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch
Everybody wants you
Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you
Walk past, quick brush
I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush
I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush
Everybody wants you
At dinner parties
I call you out on your contrarian shit
And the coastal town
We wandered 'round had never
Seen a love as pure as it
And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea
'Cause you know it could never be
Call me crazy BUT this song makes me think of Mildred. She’s the type of person that isn’t really comfortable with love. She doesn’t like to be vulnerable and this pushes her to be uncomfortable with little things like someone making her blush. Love is new to her.
She is also envious of the effect this person has on her and, in turn, the effect that person has on everyone else because they are so stunning. When they do get together it is the type of love that poetry is written about. Witty banter and fiery gazes but also the gentle caress of a hand while walking along the shore.
This love is perfect in every way, but of course there must also be a level of angst to nearly all stories and the angst with this one is the fact that the time period Mildred is around in does not allow her to love her lover openly and freely. Overtime this might cause a strain on the relationship with the line “And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea / ‘Cause you know it could never be.” Her and her lover both know that society would condemn them for who they are.
'Cause there's robbers to the east, clowns to the west
I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best
But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me
But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm
If your cascade ocean wave blues come
All these people think love's for show
But I would die for you in secret
The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me
Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?
Harriet is a big celebrity. She has paparazzi hounding her all the time and once she’s in a relationship they start hounding that person too. It’s a lot for a person and a relationship. Harriet can change that aspect of their relationship (”But the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me”), but she can provide her lover with as much love she can give. She will always try her best for the person she truly, truly loves her. There may be some bumps along the way (like the next song) but she will do her best and hopefully that’s enough for her lover because she can’t ever completely give them peace.
“this is me trying”
I've been having a hard time adjusting
I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting
I didn't know if you'd care if I came back
I have a lot of regrets about that
Pulled the car off the road to the lookout
Could've followed my fears all the way down
And maybe I don't quite know what to say
But I'm here in your doorway
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
They told me all of my cages were mental
So I got wasted like all my potential
And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad
The last line gives me hella Harriet vibes because I feel like when she’s angry she’s kind of blinded by it. She’s the type of person that says some really hurtful things that she doesn’t mean when she’s angry.
Looking deeper, I get Harriet vibes from the beginning in the sense that Harriet is just trying to do the best that she can in a relationship, but it’s just not really working out. She has her career the “shiniest wheel,” however, now that’s slowing down and she’s lost on what to do with her relationships. She wants everything to work out like how she did so well so quick with her career, but everything isn’t working out like that.
masterpost of songs I cut/edited for vidding
aka for some reason I’ve amassed a mini library of songs I optimized/cut up in garageband for vids I never actually made, so I figured I’d link them here in case anyone with actual discipline wanted to use them:
holes in the sky by M83
mood: epic, bittersweet, sweeping, heroic
themes: call to arms, heroes banding together, overcoming adversity, fighting against all odds
edits: shorter with a much faster/steadier build to an epic crescendo that makes you want to tilt your chin up and walk bravely into almost certain death
gold rush by taylor swift
mood: dreamy, soaring, fast-paced
themes: wary of love, scared to act on feelings/lose control, daydreaming about what could’ve been
edits: key change halfway through song to indicate new POV, layered vocals, added extra piano for fuller sound, added drums to second chorus
blue pool by vanessa carlton
mood: ethereal, mysterious, magical, nostalgic
themes: time passing, unable to escape fate, inevitability
edits: shorter, faster build to a truly glorious piano solo which was the entire reason I wanted to vid to this song in the first place
demons by imagine dragons + vitamin string quartet
mood: soaring, cathartic, romantic
themes: soulmates, friends-to-lovers, letting someone see the worst of you
edits: voiceover opening about soulmates layered over orchestral instrumental, original song crashes in euphorically at chorus, blended with violins for maximum cheese/melodrama
saturn/the scientist mashup by sleeping at last + coldplay
mood: bittersweet, dreamy, introspective, mournful
themes: regret, longing, navel-gazing, apologizing for a mistake
edits: shorter, used the vocal from the scientist on the instrumental from saturn
i will never die by delta rae
mood: badass, witchy, eerie, vengeful, intense
themes: revenge, watching the world burn, dis bitch is coming for your THROAT
edits: shorter, edited out all the parts about being a spurned lover so that there’s no romance element and it’s purely badass, crescendos faster
alice by avril lavigne
mood: whimsical, mysterious, soaring, adventurous
themes: lost in a new place, disoriented, thrust into a new adventure
edits: pitched down for richer vocals, shorter, cut out chorus and went straight to bridge about being lost in wonderland
cold by mating ritual
mood: nostalgic, optimistic, soaring
themes: love, friendship, perseverance, better times ahead
edits: much shorter, skipped from intro to final chorus, took out verses in between
arrow by levv
mood: atmospheric, ethereal, romantic - rapidly becomes epic/adventurous with thundering battle drums
themes: love when you least expect it, arrow to the heart, elements of epic fantasy
edits: shorter, much faster transition from dreamy beginning to dramatic drums, lends itself well to something medieval or fantasy-ish