Loki: I hate touching people.

Loki: The only physical contact I take joy in is hand-to-hand combat.

Thor: You and Stark are literally hugging right now.

Loki: *hugging Tony tighter* That’s something completely different.

Natasha, to the team: What is Y/n holding right now?

Steve: A pumpkin

Tony: Obviously

Natasha, turning to Y/n: Tell them what you think it is.

Y/n:

Y/n: A Halloween apple

*y/n showed up with a swollen lip*

Bucky: what happened to your lip?

y/n: got stung by a bee

the bee:

Pepper: Has anyone ever told you you’ve got anger issues?

Tony: I prefer to call it “leadership skills”

Steve, knocking on the front door of an apartment: Loki, we know you’re there! Open the door!

Loki, knowing that avengers will come for him, yelling back: Door is open, just come in.

Loki: Make yourself at home. I finished making dinner just in time.

The Avengers: You what?

Loki: Well, I knew you were going to come today, so I made dinner for you. I would be very bad host, if I wasn’t prepared.

The Avengers:

Tony: Despite all, he’s right and it smells really good. Is that pork neck?

Loki and Tony just having a good afternoon time together

Peter: I’ve never seen two pretty best friends.

Shuri: They’re definitely dating… *realizing* Why we’re not???

Steve trying to get Bucky to cut his hair: WITH YOUR HAIR AND MY MAN TITS PEOPLE WILL THINK WE ARE A LESBIAN CUPLE!!!!

Y/n from another room: I THOUGHT YOU WERE AMERICANS?!

Steve: Who besides Bucky and I know everything about the Great Depression?

Y/N: I thought it was called the Grand Canyon?

Kate: Hey, what’s the name of the guy who lives two houses down?

Clint: His dogs names are Walter and Rose.

Kate: That’s not what I asked.

Clint: That is all the information I have.

Bucky: Steve is going on a mission in England.

Y/N: WHAT! Who is going to be Steve?

Y/N: WAIT!

Y/N: I can be Steve!

Steve:Y/NNN!!!!

Y/N: Y/yyy!

Y/N: Perfect!

Bucky: Fine!

Steve: Double Fine!

Bucky : I taught u that

Steve: And I taught u everything else!

Bucky: Then way don’t I know anything!

Y/N: Hey! I have a soul!

Nat: No.

Y/N: I do!

Tony: No.

Y/N: I do!

Sam:

Bucky: No.

Tony: I am at loss for words!

Peter, narrating: Despite being at a loss for words, Mr. Stark yelled at me for the next ten minutes.

Loki: I’ve never been able to “keep calm and carry on”, but I’ve gotten very good at “internalize your rage and pretend you can function”.

Peter: I got an A on my exam!

Steve: WTF

Peter: uh do you know what ‘wtf’ means Mr Rogers?

Steve: well that’s fantastic!

Thor: Aghhhh! I burned my hand!

Bruce: Quick! Put it on something cold!

Thor *puts it on Loki’s heart*: Way better

Loki:

Loki: I hate you

Loki: But I’m going to do this to Odin tomorrow

Tony: 911? Yeah, my wife’s going into labor.

911 operator: Is this her first child?

Loki: Don’t you DARE!

Tony: No, this is her husband.

Shuri: My national anthem is WAP.

Peter: Don’t you mean theme song?

Shuri: No bitch I have country to run.