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#incorrect batfam
arguablysomaya · 2 days ago
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Cass: Other people may reject you, but if you lie on the forest floor for long enough, the moss and fungi will always accept you as one of their own.
Duke, who just wanted advice on how to ask out a girl: uh. thanks
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incorrect-waynemanor · a day ago
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cass: murder wasn’t on today’s agenda
duke: it’s not on anyone’s
jason: no, it’s on mine. just not until next thursday
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jaydickincorrect · 7 hours ago
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Duke: Is Dick always like this when he loses?
Jason: Yeah. You should've been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum of 2015.
Dick: You bumped that table and you know it!
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asherxddeity · 2 days ago
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jon: *makes Damian smile*
Every member of the batfamily: How the f-
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theundeadrobinclub · a day ago
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Dick, handing Jason a present: happy birthday, Jay!
Jason: haha, thanks dickhead!
Tim:
Tim: Dick, why are you giving him his gift now? his birthday is in like, 5 months?
Dick:
Jason: *bursts out laughing*
Dick: Tim, what month do you think it is?
Tim: August?
Jason, laughing even harder: Tim, my birthday is today. why'd you think it was in January?
Tim: I don't know, you feel like your birthday is in January? so I just assumed?
Dick: *facepalm*
Jason: *continues dying of laughter*
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dawnlovesquotes · 2 days ago
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[On Duty]
Dick: I pulled you over for going 68 in a 55.
Jason: Darn, 68? Can you make the sound cooler so I can hear the judge read it out loud?
Dick:
Dick: Sure, whateves.
[Later In Court...]
Judge: How were you going 420 in a 55?
Source
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wordsfromaqueer · a day ago
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The batfam as things my friends have said part 2, because I have so many and also I just think it’s funny:
‘It’s like gay hamlet’ ‘trust me, Hamlet’s already gay’ - Dick and Jason respectively, looking over an extremely convoluted case that reads kinda like a soap opera (headcanon that some of the ‘gang wars’ that go on read exactly like Shakespeare plays, because gothamites are Dramatic Like That)
‘(Tim’s) just too scared to admit his love for me’ ‘I’m gay, (Steph).’ - absolutely Steph and Tim. I know he’s bi so it wouldn’t really work but I feel like they’d be those really chill exes that always joke about dating and you know when you’re some flavour of queer but you constantly make jokes that involve the phrase‘I’m gay’? Yeah it’s like that
‘Whoops, accidentally started a dictatorship, my bad guys’ - Jason after creating his own gang and realising that he has to deal with that now
‘I’m now experiencing a feeling of euphoria. It’s like coffee, but slightly less bitter.’ - do I even need to write down that this is tim??? Like, did anyone look at that and think of anyone else???
‘How the hell do you cube an aubergine?’ ‘Idk, cut it up in minecraft or something’ - Dick and Tim trying to figure out how to cook with no clue what any of the instructions mean. Jason is suffering immensely in the background but he doesn’t want to make it look like he cares so he can’t help but also holy fuck how are they so bad at this-
Anyway moral of the story is both my friends and the batfam are all idiots. Very clever idiots, but still idiots.
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batcavescolony · 4 months ago
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Robin: *does a Quadruple Summer Sault*
Baby stalker Tim Drake: Richard you have girlbossed a little too close to the sun
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hannieue · a month ago
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bruce: going out dressed as a bat to fight crime and leave my kids alone would be irresponsible and bad parenting
alfred nodding approvingly
bruce: so i'll take them with me
alfred, sighs deeply: master bruce, don't.
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Tim, high as fuck after getting his wisdom teeth out: *squinting at Barbara* is that… Wonder Woman??
Barbara: *pats his hand gently*
Tim: *sobs* oh my god you’re my favorite Avenger
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idonthaveabackupplan · 2 months ago
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Stephanie: Tim, I’ve been wondering something about you for a while…
Tim: Should I be worried that you’ve been thinking about me?
Stephanie: What? No. I just wanted to ask, what exactly are your dating standards? I mean, the people you’ve dated are all incredibly different.
Tim: Feel my hand for a second.
Stephanie: uhh okayyy? *Holds his hand* Jeez, you’re still as cold as you always were, back when we dated.
Tim: Exactly. Thermodynamic equilibrium. Relationship goals. Right, Jason?
Jason who is also always freezing since reviving: Yeah *Muffled, squished between Roy and Kori (aka Heaters numbered 1&2)*
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arguablysomaya · 4 months ago
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batboys are literally just like: *watches their older brother lie, manipulate, and keep secrets from his team* oh my god... i'd never do that... he's so much like bruce...... *goes off to lie, manipulate, and keep secrets from his own team*
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incorrect-waynemanor · 15 days ago
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steph: what’s up sluts? i’m back from jail
dick, concerned: sluts?
bruce, even more concerned: jail?
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phernaliae · 4 months ago
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saw this on twitter and couldn’t stop myself from editing it :/
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dc-incorrect-bats · 3 months ago
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Dick, age 11: Can I come to the active crime scene?
Bruce: Yeah, sure. Why not?
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theundeadrobinclub · a month ago
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Dick, texting: Jason, answer your phone.
Jason, texting back: I know, just gimme a sec. I can't find the fucking thing.
Dick: alright, fine.
Dick, 25 minutes later: you know, I hate you. so, so, so much.
Jason: no you don't lmao
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dawnlovesquotes · 3 hours ago
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Damian: Alfred, I love you.
Bruce: *chokes on air*
Dick: *jealous screeches*
Tim: *checks coffee for hallucinogenics*
Jason: *questions if he died again*
[1 day later...]
Alfred: Master Damian, you must tell your brothers of the "prank". Master Dick hasn't stopped crying for days and Master Bruce can't stop replaying it on the 98 inch flat screen.
Damian: Timothy and Jason?
Alfred: Master Jason is very convinced he's in his personal hell and Master Tim fears his coffee has been compromised.
Damian: Perfect.
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nananabatfam · 4 months ago
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Jason: You can’t make everyone like you. You’re not Goldie.
Tim: What? Not everyone likes Dick.
Jason: What? Who doesn’t like Dick?
Tim: Um-
Jason: Names, Tim. I need names.
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batcavescolony · 2 months ago
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Bernard: *joking* Big Brother is always watching Tim. You can never be too careful.
Tim: that's just Oracle *waves at camera*
Camera: ⬆️⬇️ 📸⬅️➡️
Tim: shes saying hi
Bernard: 😳
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jaydickincorrect · 4 months ago
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Tim: At the end of the day, we are brothers.
Damian: If you take out the 'r' it becomes 'bother', which I think is much more fitting.
Jason:
Jason: Brothe
Dick: *smacks Jason*
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