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#incorrect batfam quotes

I can only tell you, Red Robin, something I wish I had said a long time ago to someone else. You are not dim. I imagine you will never be again…

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[Bruce and Damian on a stakeout mission]

Damian: I have a question.

Bruce, while focusing on the building: Only if it’s important.

Damian: Do owls have eyelashes?

Bruce:

Damian:

Bruce: *walks to the other side of the roof and calls Alfred*

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Cassie: So, have you decided what you're dressing up as for Halloween yet?
Tim: [on his laptop] Of course. We had a whole day seminar about it last month.
The Titans:
Kon: Jesus. You Bats do everything at 150 percent.
Bart: A whole day? Why on earth would it take that long?
Tim: [looks up] Dressing up in Gotham is... tricky.
Cassie: ...yeah. We're gonna need a bit more than that.
Tim: [sits back]
Tim: 2014. Dick dresses up as Bruce Wayne. He completely disappears into the role because playing Bruce is "funny". He accidentally gets roped into a mid-level meeting at W.E. where he agrees to throw out the 2015 budget.
Cassie: Seriously?
Tim: 2017. Jason decides to piss off Bruce by dressing up as Superman. Since most Gotham citizens haven't really seen Superman, the headlines on November 1st are all about how Superman went on a killing spree and shot three gangleaders.
Kon: [frowning] I don't remember that.
Tim: We killed the story before it reached any further.
Kon: oh. Uh, good.
Tim: 2018. Damian dresses up as Ra's al Ghul. He gets kidnapped from school by the League of Assassins who thinks he's finally embraced his heritage. Before we manage to find him, he convinces them that he is -in fact -a de-aged Ra's. This works, somehow, because he argues that none of them has ever seen Ra's as a child.
Bart: Really?
Tim: There are definitely parts of Ra's organisation that would not have done well on 'Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?'.
Tim: 2012. Bruce dresses up as a figure skater. Mr Freeze attacks the gala he's at and we spend two weeks burying stories about Bruce Wayne -crime fighter on ice.
Gar: What?!
Tim: 2017. While the papers are taking photos of a blood-soaked Superman, Dick beats up Scarecrow while dressed as the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. Spoiler arrives to provide backup and accidentally punches the wrong scarecrow.
Bart: I-
Tim: 2016! Cass dresses up as Hillary Clinton. Her disguise is so good that the papers try to run a story about Hillary drop-kicking a Donald Trump supporter after Cass stopped a robbery where the guy wore a MAGA-hat.
Cassie: [snorts] Why didn't you let them run that one?
Tim: 2019! I dress up as Spoiler and find out that Spoiler has been hooking up with some guy on patrol and no I will NOT talk about the way in which I found out thank you.
Gar: Hold it, you can't just not tell-
Tim: 2013! Dick dresses up as Red Hood. Meanwhile, Jason dresses up as Nightwing. It was not coordinated. Both of their reputations take a massive hit for opposing reasons.
Tim: Also 2013! Damian dresses up as a cat and almost gets adopted by Catwoman.
Tim: 2019! Steph dresses as Batman and spends the night doing TikTok dances in public places. Bruce tried to deport her but you can't kill a legend and you can't deport a myth.
Tim: 2020! Bruce plans a seminar so we can all discuss and approve all costumes. Everyone is in favor. Duke is unanimously appointed as our judge since he has never caused any incidents. Bruce is unanimously disqualified from speaking at all because he has caused at least five international incidents. And seven national ones, not counting the time with the nun.
The Titans:
Kon: Did- did he dress up as nun, or...?
Tim: I don't want to say.
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Duke: Is anyone else d-

Dick: Depressed?

Jason: Dead?

Damian: Demented?

Tim: Disliked?

Barbara: Drained?

Duke:

Duke: Done… With their homework. What is wrong with you people?

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Random guy on the street: Hey, did you know that Jesus loves you-

Dick, hasn’t slept in 48 hours, hears ‘Jesus’ as 'Jason’: Hey Jason, lil bro!

Jason, across the street: What?

Dick: Do you love me?

Jason: Nah man I fucking hate you.

Dick:

The poor random guy:

Dick: *throws his shoe at Jason, hits him right on the nose*

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Clark: Hi, what’s up?

Bruce: *Watching Jason trying to put floaties on his feet so he can walk on water, while Damian and Harper egg him on, Tim filming and Stephanie holding back a very concerned Duke*

Bruce:

BruceMy stress levels.

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Dick: “Yeah, but we expect this kind of stuff from Jason. Not you. You’re the good one.”

Tim: “What? How am I the good one?”

Dick: “Well, it’s definitely not me.”

Damian: “What?”

Tim: “How is it not you?”

Jason: “All I know is that I’m the bad one.”

Damian: “No, I’m the bad one. Wait, do you mean bad kid or bad Robin? There’s a difference.”

Jason: “What’s that?”

Damian: “Well, I’m obviously the bad Robin. I killed people.”

Jason: “So have I, you’re not special.”

Damian: “But I’m the only Robin who killed someone while wearing the suit.”

Dick: *side-eyes Jason*

Jason: *looks directly at the wall, whistling innocently*

Tim: “Are we missing something here?”

Dick, completely ignoring him: “Anyway, that’s not the point of this. Tim is the good kid.”

Tim: “How?”

Dick: “You’re the only one of us who hasn’t killed someone.”

Damian: *stares at him*

Jason: *stares at him*

Dick: *looks anywhere but at his brothers*

Damian: “…Wait a second, when did you—”

Jason: “Who the fuck did you kill?”

Dick: *looks at Tim*

Tim: *shrugs*

Dick: “You, uh… you might want to sit down, Jay—”

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tim: when you have yoted all your yeets, simply find yourself a yeehaw

bart: ah, truly prolific

kon: sometimes i think i can smell colors when i close my ears ya know!

cassie, shoving pillows and homemade sandwiches in their laps: good lord all of you rest, eat, please function at a decent level you absolute train wrecks

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