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#incorrect beastars quotes
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Cashier: That'll be $20
Louis: I don't have the money
Cashier: ...Then i'm sorry, but i can't sell this to you
Louis: *Slides the cashier a $20 note sneakily like it's a bribe*
Louis: How bout now?
Cashier:
Louis:
Cashier:
Legoshi: Louis, stop messing with civilians!
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Louis: apparently some people think my boyfriend’s a little scary
Haru: a little?
Jack: some people?
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zenfulmockingbird · 1 year
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Agata: Make her pussy wet, not her eyes. Haru: Make his dick hard, not his life. Juno: Break her bed, not her heart. Louis: Play with her boobs, not her feelings. Azuki: Get on his dick, not his nerves. Legosi: Always salt your pasta while boiling it.
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luxthestrange · 2 months
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Beastars Incorrect Quotes#28 Dreams
Y/n*Eating their lunch, sitting next to Legoshi*Last night I dreamed I was a bottle of ketchup! And you were mustard, Which is weird because usually, you're mayonnaise in my dreams...Why do you suppose that is?
Y/n*Looking at him with cheeks filled with food*
Lego*Sitting next to you, listening to you intently...his tail starting to wag, as he feels his face getting warmer*....
What Legoshi sees:
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Conversation
Mona Lisa: Are we dating?
Raph: ...Do you want to?
Mona Lisa: Yes! Jesus Christ! How is this a question?! Yes, I want to date you, you dumb adorable fucking terrapin!!
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Something I made when AO3 was down.
(This helped keep me away from Wattpad)
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Haru: Can you turn on a light or something?
Legoshi: You're the only light I need in my life.
Haru: Legoshi, I can't fucking see.
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Neru: IF YOU CAN'T EXCEPT BEASTARS'S CANNIBALISM THEN WHY CAN WE EXCEPT VAMPIRE CANNIBLISM
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kachiah · 2 years
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𝗟𝗲𝗴𝗼𝘀𝗵𝗶: dumbest scar stories, go!
𝗟𝗼𝗶𝘂𝗲: I burned my tunge once while drinking tea
𝗛𝗮𝗿𝘂: I dropped a hairdryer on my leg once and burned it
𝗕𝗶𝗹𝗹: I have a piece of graphite on my for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade
𝗝𝘂𝗻𝗼: I was making a cup of noodles out of a microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn
𝗣𝗶𝗻𝗮:
𝗣𝗶𝗻𝗮: I have emotional scars...
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nihilityart · 1 year
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TRAU Incorrect Quotes
(Beastars x Tensura AU)
|Rimuru is the reincarnation of Legoshi who is the reincarnation of Veldanava| |So basically Rimuru, Legoshi, and Veldanava are the same person.|
Lucia: "So your my husbands reincarnation huh?"
Legoshi: "I-I mean that's what they say, but I'm not really sure."
Lucia: "Don't worry I can confirm."
Lucia: *Examines Legoshi's face before pinching his cheeks.*
Lucia(whispering): “……..adorable.”
-Generator-
Velzard, setting down a card: Ace of spades Velgrynd, pulling out an Uno card: +4 Veldora, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you Rimuru, trembling: What are we playing?!
Velzard: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos. Velgrynd: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard. Veldora: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos? Rimuru: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.
Velzard: Can I be frank with you guys? Velgrynd: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help. Veldora: Can I still be Veldora? Rimuru: Shh, let Frank speak.
Gosha: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life Rimuru: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years! Velzard: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this! Velgrynd: I knew I lost that potential somewhere! Veldora: My moral code, is that you? Gosha: Gosha: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk your great-grandmother left me but do you kids need a hug?
Gosha: Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one! Rimuru: Tubular AF! Veldora: Mood to the max! Velgrynd, annoyed: Groovy, I hate it. Velzard, just as annoyed: If she breathes, she’s a square.
Gosha: Favorite horror movie? Veldora: It Velzard: Saw Velgrynd: Annabelle Rimuru: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics
Rimuru : *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB? Velzard: Bold of you to assume I was born at all. Velgrynd: I personally was created in a lab. Veldora: I just straight up spawned lol.
Rimuru(Having PTSD from being sent to the end of time and space) : There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet. Velzard: Velgrynd: Veldora: Everyone Else At Rimuru ’s Surprise Birthday Party: Velzard: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.
*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker* Rimuru : So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know. Everyone: Jack: ...I did. I broke it. Rimuru : No. No you didn't. Velgrynd? Veldora: Don't look at me. Look at Velgrynd. Velgrynd: What?! I didn't break it. Veldora: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken? Veldgrynd: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken. Veldora: Suspicious. Veldgrynd: No, it's not! Velzard: If it matters, probably not, but Louis was the last one to use it. Louis: Liar! I don't even drink that crap! Velzard: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier? Louis: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Velzard! Jack: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Legoshi . Rimuru : No! Who broke it!? Everyone: Velzard: Rimuru ... Velgrynd's been awfully quiet. Velgrynd: rEALLY?! *Everyone starts arguing* Rimuru , being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. Rimuru : I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Rimuru : Rimuru : Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
Ivarage : Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world! Velzard: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment. Velgrynd: More or less, I guess... Veldora: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that! Velgaia: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept. Rimuru: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!
Rimuru : Just be yourself sis. Velzard: 'Be myself'? Rimuru , I have one day to win Guy over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me? Velgrynd: Couple weeks. Velgaia: Six months. Veldora: Jury’s still out. Velzard: See, Rimuru ? Velzard: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?
*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’* Rimuru : Thanks fam! Velzard: oh no Veldora: *cries* I love you too Velgrynd: Sounds fake but okay Jack: *A flustered mess* Louis: can I get a refund
Rimuru : Dumbest scar stories, go! Velzard: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. Velgrynd: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it. Jack: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Veldora: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. Louis: Louis: I have emotional scars.
-Perchance-
Velzard: Good morning. Rimuru: Good morning. Velgrynd: Good morning. Gosha: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit. Veldora: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!
Gosha: Veldora's refusing to wear their glasses! Veldora: Gramps, look, I wore the glasses for a day. My eyes are much better now. Watch. Veldora: *points to Rimuru* Rimuru. Veldora: *points to Velgrynd* Velgrynd. Veldora: *points to Velzard* Sasquatch.
Velgrynd: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to? Velzard: Schrödinger's boys. Veldora: FUCK! Rimuru: What about cracking open a cold milkshake? Velgaia: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do. Velgaia: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison. Velgrynd: ... Velzard: ... Veldora: ... Rimuru: ... Velgaia: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.
Rimuru, holding an antique bottle: Raphael-san, is this whiskey or perfume? Raphael: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle* Raphael: Raphael: |Answer: It's perfume.|
Raphael: And what do I get out of this? Rimuru: I will give you a head pat. Raphael: |Question: What do you think I am? A chump? I would never do it for a head-pat!| Rimuru: How bout two head-pats? Raphael: |Notice: You got yourself a deal.|
Raphael: |Request: Tell them to go eat shit, master.| Rimuru: Tell them yourself. Raphael: |Suggestion to individual: Eat shit, asshole. Fall off your horse.|
Rimuru: The first time Raphael-san opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside they yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!"
Rimuru walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Raphael-san, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK. Raphael, sipping coffee happily: |Answer: I love you too, Master :) |
Rimuru: Raphael-san, remember when you said you weren’t going to interfere with my love life? Raphael: |Answer: No, that doesn’t sound like me at all.|
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hedawarlock · 4 years
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Louis: You’re sitting at the kids table.
Legoshi: Why??
Louis: What’s a carburetor?
Legoshi:
Louis: Who’s SpongeBob’s best friend?
Legoshi: Patri- oh.
Louis: Exactly.
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lordofdestructionm · 3 years
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Legosi: I don’t think I can be with Haru right now. I need to learn how to control my base carnivore instincts and prove I am strong enough and worthy to be with her. If I am not I will be satisfied knowing that she is safe and happy without me.
Also Legosi: LOUIS!?  I missed you so much, I was so worried, lets run away together right now and leave everything and everyone behind just the two of us!
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zenfulmockingbird · 9 months
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Jack: What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don’t get along? Mizuchi: What did you just say- Jack: Foetons! *Laughs* Mizuchi: Wh-what?
Mizuchi: Know why I called you in here? Jack: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic. Mizuchi: *Stops pouring two glasses of wine.* Accidentally?
Mizuchi's Teacher writing them an email: *nods* I hear you. One of the things about linear time... Mizuchi: Why is my teacher roleplaying with me in a formal email? Jack: Watch the next email be something like: *pulls you closer* You're failing trigonometry...
Jack: So, at my house we have an intercom in everyone's room and when you press "Talk" and speak into it, everyone can hear what you say. Jack: So last night at like 1am, I spoke into it and quietly whispered "Shia Labeouf" and heard Mizuchi scream in the other room.
Jack: So long, suckers! *Jack revs up their motorcycle and creates a huge cloud of smoke. When the cloud dissipates, they're lying completely dead on the pavement.* Mizuchi, doing a weak peace sign: N-nya... *Jack collapses and dies.*
Mizuchi: Jack, remember when you said you weren’t going to interfere with my love life? Jack: No, that doesn’t sound like me at all.
Mizuchi: *hugs him* Thank you for not making that promise.
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luxthestrange · 8 months
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Beastars Incorrect Quotes#3 Humans r scary
Y/n*sucking on a popsicle*
Bill: Pfft, you practicing for when Legoshi gets here?
Y/n*Takes a huge ass bite out of the popsicle looking him straight in the eyes*...
Bill*Visable Concern by instict he covered his groin*...
Louis*Who happened to eavesdrop*..."Im frighten...and slightly aroused?-"
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Dont Poke the human...if you want your mental health to be intact-
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ihsishi · 4 years
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bby louis:  sh i t
oguma: 👁👄👁 from @just-incorrect-beastars
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