wwx: sup yanli
wwx: sup yanli
Wen Qing: I learned how to shoot with a bow and arrows today
Jiang Cheng: nothing’s sexier than a woman that can put me out of my misery in several different ways
Wei Wuxian: there’s a very logical explanation for that
Nie Huaisang: tell me quick
Wei Wuxian: this place is haunted
Nie Huaisang: thanks a lot
kid!Sizhui: Zewu Jun, may Jingyi and I have some sweets?
Lan Xichen: Did you ask Wangji?
Sizhui: …. yes…
Lan Xichen: And what did he say?
Sizhui: ….. no.
Lan Xichen: Then why are you asking me?
Jingyi: Because Hanguang Jun isn’t the boss of you.
Lan Xichen: it’s a trap it’s a trap it’s a trap–
Wei Wuxian, comes up to Lan Wangji and hugs him tightly
Lan Wangji, confused: Is this a fight? Are we gonna fight?
Lan Qiren: This is…their handshake.
Lan Wangji: I don’t like it.
Lan Qiren: No one does.
Wei Wuxian: hey, can I get a venti vanilla latte with uhhh seven espresso shots?
Nie Huaisang: good grief, just do cocaine
Jiang Cheng, from the backseat of a tandem: Where are you steering to?!
Wei Wuxian, from the front seat: I’m not steering!
Jiang Cheng: That explains a lot!!!
Wei Wuxian, glaring at Jin Guangyao: Can I stab him?
Lan Wangji, patting his shoulder: Not in public.
“I was texting da-ge and i mistyped ‘jet lag’ as ‘het lag’ so now we have a term for when you grow up thinking you’re straight.”
-Nie Huaisang, probably
Wei Wuxian: I never stop Jiang Cheng from rolling his eyes.
Wei Wuxian: There’s always the chance he might find a brain back there.
Wei Wuxian: I accidentally drank Jiang Cheng’s coffee. How long do you think I have left to live?
Nie Huaisang: Ten.
Wei Wuxian: Huh?
Jiang Cheng, from behind Wei Wuxian: Nine.
*nie huaisang being pulled over*
cop: we got a call that you have pot in your car
nie huaisang: *pulls out flower pot* oh you mean this?
cop, laughing: my mistake. what are you growing?
nie huaisang: weed
SiZhui: You’re forcing my mom side to come out. You’re grounded.
SiZhui: You have to sleep in your own bed for a week.
teen!wwx : hey lan-er-gongzi, what’s your number?
teen!lwj visibly texting : i don’t have a phone
lwj and wwx about each other : i don’t want to be his “husband”
lxc and jc after months of hearing wangxian’s oblivious pining : well, what do you want then?
lwj and wwx : i don’t know. i just want to be with him, all the time. i want to hear about his day and tell him about mine. i want to hold his hand and smell his hair… but i don’t want to be his stupid husband!
Wei Wuxian: Good credit? Bad credit? No credit? No problem! Are you dead? Fuck it! GHOST CREDIT!
Wen Ning: I’m gon get a Subaru!￼
jiang cheng: no
jiang cheng: …what did i tell you about batting your eyelashes at me
wei ying: [sadly] it only works on lan zhan
wwx after flirting with mianmian : hey, can i have a sip of your water?
lwj : it’s not water
wwx : aLcOhOl?
lwj : it’s vinegar, cheater