JJ: when did you fall? are-
Emily: the day i met you. just head over heels for you the moment you… that’s not what you’re talking about, is it?
JJ: um… no, Derek said you fell in the parking lot. i was going to ask if you were okay…
Emily: oh. yeah. yeah, yeah, i’m fine. i’m fine… barely hurt.
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Y/N: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Emily: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies
Penelope: Socks are Feetie Heaties
JJ: Forks are Stabby Grabbies
Spencer: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties
Derek: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies
Y/N: Stamps are Lickie Stickies
Hotch: *annoyed* You’re all disappointments
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Hotch: Yesterday, I heard Reid ask "Are you sure this a good idea? " and Emily said "Trust me"
Hotch: I have never move so quickly from one room to another
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emily: *wakes up in hospital after battle with ian doyle*
hotch and jj:
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EMILY: ( texting Hotch , sends a voice message )
HOTCH: ( texting back ) is it urgent ?
EMILY: ( texting back ) no it can wait :D
LATER ON
HOTCH: ( presses play )
EMILY: ( on the voice message ) SO UM THERES A FIRE ——
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Garcia: Spence, You’re like an angel without wings.
Reid: So... Like a person.
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[BAU Chief Emily Prentiss walks over to your desk before taking a seat beside you with an expectant look on her face]
y/n: can i help you?
Emily: I finished all my work
y/n:
Emily, smirking: I think you know what I want
y/n, sighing: which one?
Emily, sporting a massive grin: snail
[y/n laughs while opening their drawer before pressing a sticker to emily's shirt]
y/n: snailed it
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Emily: We need to open this locked door. Rossi, give me your credit card.
Rossi: *handing it over* Here.
Emily: *pockets it* Thanks. Derek, break down the door.
Rossi: Wha-
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JJ: Why are you wet?
Emily: I knocked over a plant in the kitchen and Sergio saw it.
JJ: So?
Emily: I had to spray myself water-
JJ (confused): Wait-why?
Emily: I wanted to show him that the law applies for everyone [shrugs]
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gideon: i was best man at rossi’s second wedding, i started my speech with “welcome back everyone”
gideon: he was not happy
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Derek: Hey, wanna help me commit arson?
Emily: What the hell?!
Derek: Oh, sorry, my bad.
Derek, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson?
Emily, also whispering: Of course. What do you need?
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*Fire alarms go off in FBI building at 7:45 am*
Hotch: alright, that’s the annual fire drill. everybody stay calm and exit the-
*Penelope RUNS out of the room*
Hotch: GARCIA?
Penelope, running down the hall: I NEED MY PLUSHIESSSS. THEY WILL SURVIVE!!!
Hotch: it’s just a drill-
Reid, fretting: HAS EVERYBODY READ MY EMERGENCY FIRE DRILL PROCEDURES???
*Emily throws herself through the glass window*
Derek: we’re on the sixth floor, how’s she gonna…?
Hotch: will everyone please calm down, it’s ONLY a-
*Reid stops, drops, and rolls around the floor*
Derek shrugs and starts doing super-spy moves (somersaults, unnecessary turns, etc.) to maneuver around the building, evading the “fire”
Hotch: i truly don’t know why i even try…… where’s Dave?
*David Rossi has yet to step inside the building this morning with the foreknowledge of the annual fire drill*
Rossi, sipping coffee, leaning against the building: i wonder how he’s doing this year.
*JJ arrives late*
JJ: hey, what’d i miss?
Rossi: annual fire drill.
JJ: ah.
JJ: ooh.
Rossi: yeah.
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Hotch: why do I have to be the one to do this?
Penelope: because you’re the boss man!
Hotch *sighs*: 7 tickets for Barbie please
The team *except for hotch and Rossi*: YAYYYY!!
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Hotch: Why is Emily curled up in a ball on the floor sobbing?
Reid: She’s drunk.
Hotch: And?
Derek: And she heard that JJ is married.
Hotch: ...
Hotch: We’re literally at their wedding reception right now.
Penelope, sighing: We know.
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derek anytime reid rambles about random facts: shut your neurodivergent ass up before i turn on the big light.
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derek: what do women want?
jj: compassion <3
spencer: intellect.
garcia: warm hugs!
rossi: my money...
hotch: quality time
emily: are you guys kidding me? we really want a goddamn break!
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