#incorrect criminal minds quotes

[lilliejareau]

spencer: one shot please

bartender: whiskey? vodka?

spencer: 9mm. please

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[multiverse-of-fandom]

Natural Causes.

Spencer: You killed him! Emily: No. I pushed him, yes. But he fell due to gravity. Gravity is a natural occurrence, therefore he died due to natural causes. Case closed.

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[incorrect-ralvez]

Luke: I have a new hoodie.

Spencer: Wrong.

Spencer: We have a new hoodie.

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[lemonadeinfuser]

garcia: how was your weekend, boy genius?

reid: i wonder what a shotgun tastes like.

garcia: well morgan and i went to- wait

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[noalarmssnnosurprises]

JJ: Stop looking at me like that em

Emily: How?

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[flaminghotjareau]

Emily: *mumbling in latin*

Hotch: for the last time, i'm not a demon and you can't exorcize me.

Emily: worth a try!

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[whoisspence]

kidnapper: i have your child

hotch: which one i have five

kidnapper: the annoying one who won't shut the fuck up

hotch:

hotch: which one i have five

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[spencestiel-michelle]

*the BAU team noticing Y/n and Spencer Reid*

Emily: hey- Derek. look at how close they’re standing. 

Garcia: they’re practically breathing the same oxygen. 

Derek scoffs: that kid’s got nerve. yesterday he literally took a whole step away from me when I stood too close to him- went on about something like germs in the air or whatever. 

Garcia: yeah, well, my love, you are not Y/n. 

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[starch1ldz]

Y/n: no one actually thinks me and Spencer are dating.

Emily: Raise your hand if you think Spencer and Y/n are dating

The entire team including Spencer raising their hands.

Y/n: Spencer Walter Reid put your hand down.

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[vervainariadne]

Strauss: You need to hire a professional tech analyst for your team.

Hotch: *sees a scented homemade pink stationery resume written in glitter ink*

Hotch:

Hotch: That one. I want that one.

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[lilliejareau]

derek: this human shit difficult i should’ve been a tree.

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[golden1u5t]

dad!spencer >>>>>>

“Spencer?” You called out for him as you walked into the empty bullpen with your daughter holding your hand, you frowned as you looked around for him. After looking around for a few minutes your eyes landed on the conference room, since the blinds were open you could see the team sitting at the table.

You took a seat at Spencer’s desk until he was done reviewing the case, your daughter sat on your lap playing on her tablet. You set the brown paper bag down on the desk, you had brought lunch and you had planned to sit with him for a bit but someone had other plans.

A few minutes later the team emerged from the conference room. Spencer’s face twisted in confusion as he saw someone in his chair, his hand reaching for his gun but he quickly relaxed once he recognized your signature butterfly barrett and his daughters laugh. You looked up from watching your daughters tablet when you heard quick footsteps getting closer to you.

“Y/N, hi!” He breathed once he reached you. You took your daughters tablet and placed it on the desk and let Spencer take her from your lap, you stood up and quickly pressed a kiss to his lips. Spencer smiled and pressed a kiss to his daughters head. “What are you doing here? I thought you had her photoshoot today.”

“We did, it was earlier this morning. I figured we could come have lunch with you,” You pushed the brown bag towards him. “But, I see you guys have gotten a new case.”

Emily heard your daughters giggles and immediately left her conversation with Rossi for her. She squirmed in Spencer’s arms and reached for Emily, screaming “aunty em” until she took her from Spencer’s arms, taking her away to be with the rest of the team while you and Spencer had some time together before he was gone.

You smiled as you watched the team with her, remembering how quick the team fell in love with her. They were in love with her before she was even born. You stepped closer to him and rested your head on his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“We still have half an hour before we leave. You guys can stay while we wait, I want to spend some time with her before I leave for however long.” He mumbled, into your hair. He sighed as he looked at her playing with the team. “I hope she knows how much I love her.”

“Of course she does, Spence. She knows that your job keeps you away sometimes but I make sure to tell her all the time how much you love her.” You lean back and cup his face so he could look a you, a small frown on your face. “She knows you love her and she loves you too. We love you.”

Spencer nodded and pressed his lips to yours gently, a small tug on his pants leg forcing him to pull away. He looked down to see his daughter tugging at his pants.

“Daddy, can we eat now?”

“Of course, sweet girl.”

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[incorrect-ralvez]

*Luke comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in the bedroom.*

Spencer: Luke, are you.. coming to bed?

Luke: No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a boyfriend.

Luke: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep*

Spencer: ...

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[thedelusionalbitchgianna]

*Spencer zoned out*

Derek: What are you thinking about?

Spencer: How long i'd survive if you suffocated me with a pillow.

Derek: What's wrong with you?

Spencer: Do you want a list?

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[criminal-mindsincorrect]

JJ : An apple a day keeps the doctor away

Emily : Slowly bites into an apple while menacingly looking at Reid

Reid :

Reid : Emily what the fuck

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[sarcasm-and-stiles]

Y/N: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this...

Spencer: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card?

Y/N: Holy fuck-

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