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#incorrect dcu
dawnlovesquotes · 23 hours ago
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Bruce: Did you know about this? Girls being dropped from 20 feet, it's unbelievable.
Cass: I know right? 20 feet, walk it off.
Bruce: Cass, you do know that normal people don't just "walk off" a 20 foot fall, right?
Cass: So all the times I pushed criminals off a building, and they were all like AAAHHHHH, they weren't just being funny?
Jason: Well, I thought that was funny.
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san-fics · a day ago
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Robin [with a menacing voice]: Do you want me to turn your life into a living hell?!
Ladybug [skeptically]: Sorry, I'm not ready to date you yet.
Incorrect quotes from @san-fics
MLB/PV/Felinette/Maribat fics
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arguablysomaya · 7 months ago
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this is my formal request for dc to make an animated batfam series
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jasonsthunderthighs · 8 days ago
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Robin!Jason: Teach me to fight!
Bruce: You don't fight with these. *Makes fists* You fight with this. *Points to his head*
[Later]
Clark: Your son has been head butting the others.
Bruce: *Nods sagely* Just as I taught him.
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queenofskunks · 3 months ago
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Jason: I once had a haircut I deeply regret.
Damian: Is it the one you have now?
Jason: No.
Damian:
Damian: It should be.
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gothamsaidanddidwhatnow · 9 months ago
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A very drunk Dick at 3am calling Bruce: B! Thank goodness you answered! Jason is losing to the raccoons!
Bruce, sober and tired: what? Where are you and Jason?
Dick with angry raccoon noises and Jason cursing at them in the background: oh no
A very grim Dick: They have won, Jason belongs to them now.
Bruce deeply sighing: Dick, tell me where you two are?
Dick: Wendy’s.
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rick-rayson · 8 months ago
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Damian to Jason: I hate you!
Dick: wow! What's going on?!
Damian: He. Lit. My. Cape. On. Fire.
Jason: Twas an accident.
Damian: You will not win me over with your use of 'twas'
Jason: Twasn't trying to.
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farewell-sanity · 5 months ago
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Bat-chat
Jason: Who the fuck added me to this group chat
Cass: :0 language
Damian: Yeah watch your fucking language
Dick: Who taught Damian the fuck word?
Barbara: 'The fuck word'
Tim: You guys use the f word all the time.
Duke: Oh my god, he censored it. That's so cute.
Stephanie: Say fuck, Tim.
Jason: Do it, Tim, say fuck.
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bidickg · 5 months ago
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Tim: *Screams*
Jason: *Screams louder to establish dominance*
Dick: Should we do something?
Damian: No, I want to see who wins.
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anothertimdrakestan · 10 months ago
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bruce: damian you CANNOT have another animal!
damian: this baby emu needs saving father it's a critical disservice to leave it here alone!
bruce: god what is it with you can taking in strays
jason: *chokes on laughter*
bruce: ?
tim: apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it *gestures to the 12 batkids all staring at their adoptive father*
damian: i think it fucking does, i would have never taken you in drake
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gotham-exclusive · 3 months ago
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Kori: Has anyone told you that you’re really annoying?
Dick: No, why?
Kori: Good, I wasn’t really in the mood to punch anyone today anyway
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dawnlovesquotes · 2 days ago
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Dick: *to a random criminal* Your torture is gonna be internal.
Damian: And a little bit external.
Dick: Sure, some of that.
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san-fics · 2 days ago
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[Marinette and Damian walking together in the late evening]
Damian: I love walking at night...
Marinette: To look at the stars?
Damian: To hunt down people…
Incorrect quotes from @san-fics
MLB/PV/Felinette/Maribat fics
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arguablysomaya · 3 months ago
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Damian, completely serious: Ma’am, it has been reported lately that you do, in fact, have little paw-paws and a little button nose. Do you care to comment?
The cat hes holding: Mrrrow
Damian: Riveting
Jason, walking in: Am I interrupting something?
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jasonsthunderthighs · 7 days ago
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*Tim and Jason are tied up together*
Tim: You don't think they're actually goin to kill us!?
Jason: Hmm..
Jason: *Looking down* Ah. Rookie mistake, should've tied my legs.
Tim: Huh?
Jason: *Starts to easily get up with his legs, getting up to his feet* Ali oop!
Tim: Hey! Do I even weigh ANYTHIN to you?
Jason: No. It's like holdin a couple of grapes. *Starts running away with Tim still tied to him* Let's go!
*Finally finds Dick*
Jason: Dick!
Dick: Jason! *Looking around* Where's Tim?!
Jason: *Turns around to show Tim* He's right here.
Tim: Hey.
Dick:
Dick: *Trying not to laugh, putting his hand on his leg with his other hand showing one finger* Pfft!
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adcfan · 2 months ago
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Makes you human
Dick: Love doesn’t make you weak, Damian. It makes you human.
Damian: Speaking of that logic how comes my love to kill makes me an assassin? *raises an eyebrow*
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thatonebrazilian · 2 months ago
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Lena: Hey Kara, I like your jeans.
Kara: Thanks! They were on sale, 50% off.
Lena: I'd like it if they were 100% off.
Kara: The store can’t give out items for free, Lena.
Lena: No, that's not what I-
Kara: That's a terrible business idea! You're a businesswoman, Lena, how am I supposed to marry you if you keep having terrible business ideas? We'll never survive.
Lena: That's not-
Lena: ... Wait, what?
Kara: What?
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anarcha-queer-art · 3 months ago
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Harvey: It is amazing to think that nighttime is actually the natural state of the universe, and the only reason we have daytime is because Earth just so happens to be facing a giant star illuminating it
Bruce ‘I am the night Wayne :This fucked me up ngl
Ment to post on @anaracha-queer whoops
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moonlitinfinite · 4 months ago
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Damian really cares about his siblings, but he will never admit it
tim is sick with a flu
damian secretly cares about him and wants him to get better but will never ever admit it
tim is coughing and sneezing and looks as horrible as he feels
this makes damian's heart melt so he actually takes care of him, secretly
he will get alfred to make hot soup for tim, leave some meds on tim's bedside table while he is asleep, regularly check on him to make sure he is fine, replace his box of tissues every once in a while and stuff like that
but when tim asks if he did all this, he will bluntly disagree and walk out
eventually, tim finds out and questions him but damian covers it up by saying he was just annoyed by all the sneezing and coughing
this happens every single time someone gets sick in the house but nobody exactly knows who does it
so when damian gets sick, they all go out of their way to secretly take care of him
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current-interest-writings · 7 months ago
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Nicknames A Family Tradition
Batfam x batsis
Summary: batfam has tons of nicknames for each other but their sister has the best ones.
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You loved your brothers to the fullest you could. But the nicknames they gave each other sometimes, was just ridiculous.
And the ones they gave you would be worse. Your father finds all the nicknames flying around the house funny, till someone gives him one.
But this started long ago. When you were the baby of the family. And dick had just arrived.
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Dick had just been lounging around, he was kinda tired after having a fit of anger. But you saw that as an opportunity.
You used all the strength your three year old body had to drag crayons, coloring pages, and some snacks with you in the family room dick was.
You plopped the stuff on the group and then walked up to dick.
“Do you wanna color?”
Dick sighed, he was still calming down. But looking at your wide innocent eyes he couldn’t say no.
“Of course short stack”
“I’m not short!!! Or a stack! You’re- you’re just tall!!”
“Okay, wanna color?”
“Yeah!!! I brought birds to color!!!”
Dick looked at the robin coloring page you handed him. He colored it blue and yours was purple.
“Hey princess yours looks good”
*baby bat glare and grunt*
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It continued for a few years these names going back and fourth.
Dick
Ducky
Chicken wing
Padded ass
Tree
The reason we need sex Ed
Batsis
Shortcake
Little bat
Flat cake (this was used once in a fight and never again)
Precious cargo
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When Jason joined the family you wanted to give him a nick name but didn’t want to cross lines.
So you did what any sensible kid would do. You asked him what his nickname were before he got here.
His response was heart breaking
“I don’t have any”
Your heart cried out for him.
“ I think you deserve one, but it needs to be good!”
You didn’t know it then but that’s what made Jason convinced Bruce would keep him around.
That day you called him jay bird
Dick still won’t admit it but you came up with it, a damn good nick name that’s still used.
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Jason
Dead one
Jay bird
Zombie
Angry Z
Batsis
Short stack
Stool user
Trouble maker
Off limits (aimed at Roy or any boy who looks at you)
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Tim just seemed to glide right in to the family. He made it known that he didn’t want a nick name, or to be giving them as well
“Awww that’s cute, you think I’m not gonna give you a nick name?!”
Hysterical laughter was heard leaving the kitchen
A few months later nicknames came flying out
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Tim
Coffeeholic
Personal IT
Sleepy
Timbers
Batsis
Human alarm clock
Boss
Nuisance
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Damien came in with an air of “I’m better than everyone”
And he tried that with batsis
“So you’re the new kid? Huh I’d thought you’d be older”
“I am the blood son!! I demand respect”
“Earn it”
————————————
Damien
Spare child
Demon spawn
Lil bro(when you got along)
Dam
Batsis
Slow
Unneeded
Sister
The favorite
Mother(when you babied him)
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