#incorrect dnd quotes
Monk: Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.
Rogue: What a stupid fucking quote. I’m killing way more than two people, idiot.
Wizard: On a journey of revenge, dig n+1 graves. If your enemy leaves heading northbound at 60 km/s and y-
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which half is which varies constantly
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Cleric: These have been blessed by the gods.
*one angry mob later*
Paladin: You gave me loaded dice?! You said it was blessed by gods?!
Cleric: All of the gods gifts have been blessed and loaded dice is just one of those many gifts.
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They are in love ❤️
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The marauders: *playing dungeons and dragons*
The marauders: *complete a quest*
Villagers: we're so thankful how could we ever repay you?
Remus: can I have chocolate cake?
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DM: you come across the fallen giant's lost bugel, the Jallrhorn. You can s--
Bard: how big is it?
DM: ... pretty big. Like... giant-sized.
Bard: can i try to play it and see what happens?
DM: roll for acrobatics
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Damaia: Why do you have a knife sticking through your hand?
Lilith: Fashion statement
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Me: enters fae forest
NPC: You shouldn’t be here.
Me: I go deeper.
NPC: You should turn around.
Me: I keep going.
NPC: So many people die here.
Me: I continue forward.
DM: Roll a wisdom constitution saving throw.
DM: … You keep going.
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A scene I have in my dnd campaign that my players will never see cause no one has the time to play.
To preface, the party has been elected to go investigate abandoned towns that have appeared out of nowhere, along with citizen disappearances.
They had been given a Paladin and Cleric couple to assist them in their journey. They had both taken the Oath of Beloved, which means their power comes from their immense love for each other.
Before the campaign, they had a Session 0, which consisted of the party finding a skeleton covered in flowers in an empty field, a gem necklace around their neck. The characters don't remember Session 0, but were allowed to keep any items they received from it.
Anyway, here it goes:
The cleric has gone ahead, along with her Paladin. Hand in hand as always.
However, it's taking an awful long time to scout. So, the party decides to go forward without their input.
As they walk, the forest floor becomes greener and livelier. Flowers they had never seen before are coating every inch. They come to a clearing.
The field is wild in color, and the air is thick with the smells of flowers. Life and beauty is everywhere.
Then, they see it. The cleric, kneeling near the middle of the field. She's stuck her sword in the ground, using it as a balance as she leans to hold something.
She's gently stroking the cheek of a skull.
"He was always so brave," she says as the party approaches, "sometimes, it made him stupid."
"He would just, run into danger without a care in the world. He trusted me to take care of him." She then grabs something from her neck, which was previously under her armor. An amber colored gem necklace.
"But I failed. I took too long," her eyes welled up, her eyes skipped from the necklace, to the skeleton, and back. "I tried and tried until I couldn't."
She wipes her eyes and stands, placing her necklace back under her armor. She takes her sword from the earth, the ground reforming itself almost immediately, healing from the minor indent.
"But I can finally get him back." She turns to face the party, the look of love and care gone and replaced with a cold, empty stare. "I just need to take care of you first."
Roll for initiative.
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DND with hermits using incorrect quotes
Grian, after burning down the orphanage: You're 'the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans', what does that mean?
Impulse : It means i was second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Grian : but what’s the first worst thing?
Ren: Grian , they...they weren’t always orphans.
[The group is a prison cell that was just hit by an earthquake]
Grian : Uh, I'm gonna roll a perception check of... 4, and see if our cell is, uh, in any way damaged by this quake
Scar : You're in a prison cell :)
Impulse : You did great. Well, I got a 10-
Scar: You're in a prison cell with bars on it :3
Etho: I got a 1!
Scar : You're in... a cube-shaped place
Grian : Have you seen a person named 'Impulse ' around here?
Scar, as a npc: Ugh, yes. They made a horrible mess of the blood fountain.
Etho: It looks fine to me?
Scar: IT USED TO BE WATER!!!
Ren : God, give me patience.
Impulse : I think you mean 'give me strength'.
Ren : If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.
Grian : Impulse , stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!
Impulse, wearing a very cursed ring: Well of course I have! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring!
Grian, splitting from the group to scope: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.
Impulse, nodding sagely: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.
Ren : I prevented a murder today.
Etho: Really? How’d you do that?
Ren, looking at impulse: self control.
Grian : I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.
Impulse : Only if you also don't ask why
Impulse : *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls from bag of holding* Take your pick.
Grian : This one is fine
Grian, distracting some cultists, while Etho sneaks behind and goes to wack the leader with a stick: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that!Neither do I!! I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions! It’s rude!
Impulse : BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!
Etho, lawful neutral knight that got dragged into the adventure during a prison escape. Looking upon the group: Some of you may die here today, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
Impulse: Am I going too far?
Etho: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.
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warlock: does anybody have any questions?
paladin: is this legal?
warlock: does anybody have any relevant questions?
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Artificer: Did you know that Gatorade and rum go really well together?
Wizard: Are you doing depressed alchemy again?
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He doesn’t have hair
[ID: A textual image in which Kobold states “Welcome to my very first vlog in which I try different hair products”. The meme then states *sprays hairspray into mouth* before transitioning to Kobold saying “Well, right off the bat I could tell you this one is not very good
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Hello! Rustymaps here!
Morndawn City is live on my patreon! To download all versions you can join adventurer tier or traveler for day version!
- Day (labeled and unlabeled)
- Old paper
All maps available on my partreon so if you are interested you can check it
Rustymaps - patreon
Dimensions 12' x 15'
#rpg #dnd #fantasy #dndmap #rpgmap #fantasymap
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Bard: Not a fan when people are giving big news and they ask if you’re sitting down. Don’t try and mitigate my relationship with the floor! If I want to dramatically collapse, I’ll collapse! Don’t force me into a squandered lean.
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Bard: What did I tell you about lying?
Rogue: *Sighs* It only works on Barbarian.
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Barbarian: Do you think lava would taste spicy?
Cleric: Barb, please don’t eat lava.
Rogue: Eat it and let us know.
Ranger: Actually, since it’s made out of molten rock, it probably tastes bland and dusty.
Barbarian: You’re the only one who understands me.
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Bard: Sometimes to get ahead in life, you have to meet the right kind of people.
Sorcerer: What kind of people?
Bard: You know what we are?
Bard: The opposite of that.
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Artificer: I have a science headcanon.
Wizard: Can’t you just say you have a hypothesis like a normal person?
Artificer: So my science headcanon is-
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Bard: What do I get?
Rogue: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.
Bard: Ooh, check, check, and check, not sure about that last one.
Rogue: It won’t be you.
Bard: I’ll get my coat.
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