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#incorrect dungeons and dragons quotes
incorrect-dnd-classes · 2 days ago
Barbarian: Can’t I just punch the dragon?
Wizard: You are allowed to do that, but you will die. So yes, you can, that is definitely allowed. You will however die. You are allowed, you can do that, there are no consequences, you will die.
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 8 hours ago
Bard: Live fast, die young, leave behind a pretty corpse. That’s what I always say.
Rogue: You should say something else.
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 2 days ago
Warlock: If you're struggling to pay for wizard college, why not sell your soul for money?
Wizard: I'm not doing that.
Warlock: Why, do you think you're better than me?
Wizard: If I do that Paladin's going to cry again and I don't think I can handle it.
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 2 months ago
Bard: What do I get?
Rogue: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.
Bard: Ooh, check, check, and check, not sure about that last one.
Rogue: It won’t be you.
Bard: I’ll get my coat.
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 2 months ago
Ranger: if your bones are wet then you’re alive, if they’re dry, you’re dead
Warlock: I am murdered in a desert. There has been no rain for years. My corpse is in its skeletal stage. Finally, it starts raining, full force. The sand is washed from my dry bones. My bones become wet once more and I am revived. Invigorated. Ready to fucking party
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incorrect-dnd-classes · a month ago
Sorcerer: Are you suggesting that I occasionally stray away from the rulebook?
Paladin: No, I'm suggesting that you do not own a copy of the rulebook and if you do, you have certainly never opened it.
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 9 days ago
Fighter: bought a bubblegum scented sword so the last thing my enemies realise is how fun and cute i am
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 19 days ago
Artificer: I have a science headcanon.
Wizard: Can’t you just say you have a hypothesis like a normal person?
Artificer: So my science headcanon is-
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 6 days ago
Ranger: I have cat-like reflexes.
Fighter: Prove it.
Ranger: *sees a cat*
Ranger, instantly: I like that cat.
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 14 days ago
Paladin: Why the heck is there blood everywhere?
Rogue: Well, you see, it's simple colour theory.
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incorrect-dnd-classes · a month ago
Warlock: If a dead ancestor doesn’t appear in the sky to stop me, it can’t be that bad of a decision
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 4 days ago
Ranger: The ability to fly requires hollow bones.
Ranger: Which also means I could kick an angel's ass
Monk: You could kick a bird's ass but you're not doing that. Why?
Ranger: A group of crows is called a murder I'm not fucking with that
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 2 months ago
Warlock: I had the best Hallows Eve decorations.
Cleric: Yes, they were very realistic.
Cleric, to Ranger: Ask the town if anyone went missing.
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incorrect-dnd-classes · a month ago
Bard: If “all the world’s a stage,” then how come I’m the only one who goes around constantly breaking into extravagant musical numbers with complex dance routines?
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 2 months ago
Warlock: I’m just saying, when I die in mysterious and unexplained circumstances I want you all to make sure that everybody knows it. Instead of saying how I was “a friend to everyone” and that I “lit up a room” when I entered it, I want people to shake their heads while muttering that I “asked too many questions for my own good” and talk about how they “warned me that I was getting in way over my head” and that I “always had a knack for finding trouble” wherever I went. If you don’t make me a local urban legend you’ve failed me.
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 18 days ago
Warlock: My body is a temple:
Warlock: Ancient and crumbling,
Warlock: probably cursed or haunted
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