Remus: Can you be serious for five minutes?
Sirius: My record is four, but I think I can do it.
Ravenclaw: STOP SAYING EVERYTHING I DO IS BEAUTIFUL, HOW WILL I IMPROVE LIKE THAT??
Hufflepuff: Last time I said one of your paintings looked a tiny bit unproportional you broke the canvas and cried on the corner!
Ravenclaw: That was before, now I understand that criticism is good! Just tell me the truth about this one.
Hufflepuff: ...Okay uh I guess the color palette on it looks-
Ravenclaw: * lights a fire to burn the painting *
Hufflepuff: RAVENCLAW NO-
Gryffindor: If you could be a different species, what would you be? I'd be a lion.
Hufflepuff: Hm...I think I would be an octopus! Just chilling in the water :)
Ravenclaw: I would be a talking raven, so I could fly up to people and say, "Nevermore."
Gryffindor: That's so cool! Well, Sly? What about you?
Slytherin: I'd be a shapeshifting monstrosity that takes the form of whatever you love most. Then I'd set fire to myself.
Gryffindor: So, no change, then?
Slytherin: What the hell do you mean no change? I'd take the form of whatever you love-
Gryffindor: *waits patiently as it dawns on Slytherin*
Hufflepuff: *whispering to Ravenclaw* Maybe we should go-
*in sixth year*
Remus: Wow.. Snape really hates us.
Sirius: Maybe he's homophobic?
Remus: We're not a couple Padfoot.
Sirius: We're not?
James: You're not?
Barty Crouch Sr: For your crimes, we sentence you to 68 years in Azkaban.
Sirius, voice cracking: can you
Sirius: can you add one more year
McGonagall: Sirius, I know you went out last night
Remus (whispering): Play dumb
Sirius: Who’s Sirius?
Remus: Not THAT dumb!
Harry : This is Snape’s tears
Y/n : Wh- what?
Harry : His memory
Y/n : Let’s see then
Harry : *puts snape’s tears into the thing that I forgot the name of*
Snape’s Memory :
👩🏻🦳HP Characters As The Golden Girls Quotes👩🏻🦳
Marauders to Severus:
Draco Malfoy to Gryffindors:
@snapefiction @lizlil @elizabeth-baelish @misselsbells06 @mais-e @lunnybunny12 @stingingwolf @anfre109
If you wanna be on my taglist, let me know
Slytherin: What are you doing?
Hufflepuff: Hugging you?
Hufflepuff, pulling away: Sorry, I didn't know I passed a boundary-
Slytherin: Who said you should stop?
Draco: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its "intelligent" and "really cool".
Draco: But when I do it, I'm "petty" and "need to let it go".
Hufflepuff: "but what if someone tries to steal me away from you-?"
Slytherin: *quietly loads gun with a smile*
Slytherin: "they wouldn't dare :)"
Hufflepuff: "yayyy" *delighted wriggle*
Computer: Choose a password
Remus: *types Sirius*
Computer: Password is too short
Remus: *sighs* I know
Ravenclaw: I'm so pissed at hufflepuff, seriously.
Slytherin: What happened?
Ravenclaw: I told her about a problem I had and you're not gonna guess what she did.
Slytherin: Tried to fix it?
Ravenclaw: She TRIED TO FIX IT.
(Slytherin is sick)
Hufflepuff: *buys chicken noodle soup, saltines, gatorade* You need to drink lots of fluids, and make sure that if you need anything, you call, okay?
Slytherin, crying: This is why I love you
Hufflepuff: DON'T CRY! YOU'LL LOSE WATER!
McGonagall: Hmm, have I ever let a student off the hook for favouritism?
James, Sirius, Peter: *carrying loads of books on animagi transformation*
McGonagall: What are all these books for?
James, Sirius, Peter:
James, Sirius, Peter: Throwing them at Slytherins?
McGonagall: No.. I don't think I have.
Post-hogwarts, on the phone..
???: we have your kids, Mr. Malfoy
Draco: what do you want? What are your demands? How much do you need?
???: sir, it’s their school. Their dismissal was 3 hours ago, and your spouse told us this morning that you are to pick them up.
Draco: OH SHI- I’ll be right there. Please don’t tell my spouse that I forgot.
Ps. If you see this, I am probably on tumblr break :))
To my moots, I am not ignoring u! College has just been tough so I took a break here. Nonetheless, Ily all so much. Feel free to dm me, I will reply asap 🤍
About Remus and Lily:
Sirius: How dumb do they think we are?
James: Sometimes Lily hands me pictures of food instead of a list
Snape : Umbridge, do you think this filthy cat is cute? *holding a cat*
Umbridge : Merlin! Adorable! Can i have that, Snape?
Snape : With pleasure *giving the cat to umbridge*
Snape : Have fun! *closing umbridge’s office door*
McGonagall : *casually scratching umbridge’s face*
Umbridge : AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
McGonagall : *casually shitting everywhere and walk out the door*
Snape : How was it?
McGonagall : *transforming back to human form* We should do it again sometime
Y/n : (Angry) Fuck you Tom.
Tom: Is that an insult or a to do list?
*in the Slytherin dormitory*
Pansy: Draco, why are you naked? Snape wants us down in the Great Hall in ten minutes.
Draco: ...i don't have any clothes
Pansy: what rubbish! *opens the closet door* there you go- shirts, trousers, hi Potter, coats, shoes