Remus: not gonna lie, it’s kinda nice when people roll up their sleeves and you can see their forearms

Sirius: (seeing he only has two arms) fuck

Remus: I have a new jumper.

Sirius: Wrong.

Sirius: We have a new jumper.

Remus: You remind me of someone I once dated

James: Were they smart, funny, and drop-dead gorgeous?

Remus: More like obnoxious, annoying, and a pure dumbass.

Sirius *from across the room*: HEY! WE'RE STILL DATING WHY ARE YOU TALKING IN THE PAST TENSE

Remus: That's the part you chose to focus on???

Ron: Harry, you want some snacks?

Harry: Okay, can you bring me something fruity?

Ron: Fruity, okay, sure

*five minutes later*

Ron: Here’s your snacks, Harry

Harry: ...that’s Draco

Ron: Well, you said you want something fruity! Draco’s fruity!

Harry: ...

James: what do people at the center of the earth speak

James: core-ean

Regulus: THE CENTER OF THE EARTH IS AROUND 5430 degrees Celsius… NOBODY IS GOING TO LIVE THERE SO THEY DONT NEED A LANGUAGE

James: core-ean

Regulus: When your hook up makes you breakfast, 10 out of 10.

James: I am your husband.

Snape: *tapping quill*

McGonagall: *tapping quill*

Umbridge: Stop it.

Snape: Stop what?

Umbridge: You're talking about me in morse code, joke's on you because I know morse code. Ha!

McGonagall: Yeah, that's what we're doing. In our very limited time and busy schedule. We went out and took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary form of communication so we can talk about you, in front you.

*Later*

Snape: That's exactly what we did.

McGonagall: Yep.

James: You don't need to check Spotify, you're the most played this year.

Snape: ...

Lily: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

James and Sirius, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

*At the police station*

Regulus: I’m here for my brother.

Desk sergeant: Who’s your brother?

Regulus: You must be new here.

James shirtless, sweaty after quidditch: Hey Lils

Lily: O-oh hey James

*Later on*

Lily crying into Remus's shoulder: He was so hot

Remus: I know

Lily: I can't believe I fell for that idiot

Remus: I know

James: what’s it called when you’re, like, bisexual, but for your hands?

Remus: AMBIDEXTROUS?!

Sirius: If I say I love you, will you say it back?

Remus: Yes.

Sirius: I love you.

Remus: It back.

*Later*

James: Why is Sirius crying face-down on the floor?

*3am at the Potter's residence circa 1980*

*Lily and James sleeping*

*Sirius trying to climb in through the window*

*Remus whisper-yelling at Sirius from the ground*

*Peter planning something with Voldemort*

Harry: I can make you see stars, Malfoy!

Ron: Are you asking Malfoy out on a date, challenging him to a fight or inviting him for sex?

Harry: What?

Draco: What?

Ron: It’s the third one, isn’t it? I thought so

James: *calls reg a snake*

Reg: hiss hiss fucker I'll bite you

Regulus having coffee-induced-anxiety: Well if it isn't the consequences of my own actions.

Draco, with great delight: Oh, Harry is going to hate this.

Store Worker: Would a Mr. Remus Lupin please come to the front desk?

Remus, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: points to James and Sirius

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

James and Sirius, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Remus: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

Y'all just imagine Remus and Regulus putting Sirius, James and Harry to bed

Remus: Goodnight kids!

James, Sirius and Harry: goodnight dad!!

Remus: goodnight,monster under the bed that eats bad children

Regulus, through a walkie talkie hidden under the bed & in a creepy voice: goodnight!