Remus: *shows a picture of him as a baby*

Sirius: YOU’RE SO CUTE

Sirius, squishing Remus’ cheeks: AND SO SMOL

Sirius, now smirking: Though you’re still at the same height

Marlene: You need to man up Sirius and ask Remus out

Sirius: Man up? sexist

Marlene: …

Sirius: I don’t see gender, sir

James and Lily: *on a date*

Sirius: NO

Sirius: I WON’T

Sirius: I WON’T ACCEPT IT

Sirius: BETRAYAL

Ron: I won’t talk to you ever again!

Hermione: Fine!

*two hours later*

Ron: lmao look Hermione Malfoy’s a ferret

Ron:

Ron: shit

ginny: *runs in, out of breath and panicked*

neville: what happended?!

ginny: no one died!

neville:

neville: WHAT KIND OF AWNSER IS THAT-

Ron: Is stabbing someone immortal?

Ginny: Not if they consent to it

Fred: Depends on who you’re stabbing

Percy: Yes?!?

Dorlene headcanons!!

• Okay first of all the war never happened so both of them lived
• They got together in sixth year but have liked eachother years before that
• Dorcas always makes Marlene handmade jewelry
• They do each other’s make up at 2am
• They both love quidditch but support different teams
• Marlene made it onto the quidditch team in second year and Dorcas didn’t tryout until fourth year
• When they graduated from hogwarts, dorcas wanted a pet cat and Marlene wanted a pet dog so they got both
• (The cat was a black and whit cat and the dog was a golden retriever)
• They used to go on double dates with Sirius and Remus a lot but the last time it ended with Marlene and Sirius saying “it’s the ___ for me” and it became really awkward
• Lily was the first person who knew about them dating
• Dorcas is the only person Marlene has never been rude or mean to
• If anyone makes fun of either of them the other one will probably kill you
• They love summer the most because they love going on picnics and bike rides and days on the beach
• Binge watch TV shows together and then obsessing over the same characters
• Cottagecore lesbians aesthetic
• They’re both terrible cooks but love baking at like 10am together
• Neither of them really talked to eachother before getting together
• The Lily, Dorcas, Marlene and Alice friendship didn’t start until Dorlene happened
• They’re always traveling to unique places around the world and take a picture of the two of them in the exact same pose every country they go to and hand them up on their wall
• Marlene loves to read thrillers and Dorcas loves to read romance/fantasy books
• They buy eachother clothes
• Marlene’s patronus is a black swan and Dorcas’ is a white swan
• They have completely different taste in music but will listen to each others favourite playlist anyway
• They never fight but when they do it probably ends with them having a staring competition and then pretending like the fight never happened

That’s all I can think of lol but y’all better stan these underrated lesbians😌

charlie: lily, have you found out how to travel to a paranormal universe?

lily: would i be here if i could?!

Remus: You got detention for what?

Sirius: Chasing a cat.

Remus: Please don’t tell me it was McGonagall.

Sirius:

Remus: So?

Sirius: You said not to tell!

Sirius: *dials 911*

Sirius: I hate to be “that guy” but I glued myself to the ceiling again

remus: you exploit me for notes

sirius: i exploit you out of pure unadulterated love

remus: well that’s a bit gay

Harry: Hey, I’m Harry, what’s your name?

Draco: I’m Draco, D as in dreamy, R as in rich, A as in attractive, C as in charming, and O as in ‘Oh my god please do me, Harry’

Harry: …

Ravenclaw: [texting Slytherin at 3am]

Slytherin: [texting Ravenclaw] dude, why are you still up?

Ravenclaw: [texting Slytherin] why are YOU still up?!

Slytherin:

Slytherin: [texting Ravenclaw] touché

An actual conversation I have had with my math teacher…

rose: you guys are such stereotype for a ravenpuff relationship.

charlie: no we are not!

lily: yes we are.

alice: case in point.

Percy: Sometimes I feel like dying

Penny: wha-

Percy: But then I remember I won’t be able to see you

Penny: *heart eyes and smiles*

–

Oliver: Sometimes I feel like dying

Marcus: Good for you

Hermione: When I was small-

Ron: *snorts*

Ron: “was”

rose: lily, who would you save if charlie and i were drowning?

lily: you can’t swim?! idiot.

charlie: it’s a hypothetical question! who would you save?

lily: my time and effort. if you can’t swim-honestly, what the hell?!

charlie:

charlie: i’m your bloody girlfriend-

Remus: So, your parents will arrange you to marry some pureblood girl?

Sirius: They want to, but I don’t see it going down that way.

James: Is it because you don’t enjoy going down that way?

Draco: How long does it take to start hallucinating from sleep deprivation?

Hermione: I think-

Harry: 72 hours

Draco: How do you-

Harry: There’s a dragon behind you

Harry: Maybe, maybe I’m dreaming. Hermione, pinch me.

Hermione: [Pinches Harry]

Harry: Hey, not my bum!

Hermione, not apologetic at all: Sorry it was just right there.