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#incorrect irondad and spideyson
ljlokijinx · 9 months
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Peter after his class continuously makes up dumb conspiracy theories about him, while on a field trip to another state: I am going to commit a murder.
MJ: Wait until you cross the border, taking a corpse between states costs money.
Peter, on a phone call with Nat: I was going to commit a murder, but I'm too poor.
Nat: Just cremate the body.
Peter: You know what? You're right. MJ? Is there any wood nearby?
Tony, listening to the convo bc they were on loudspeaker: Nat please don't encourage murder-
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spideyspetertingle · 8 days
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Peter: Mr. Stark? My tummy hurts. Tony: Ah, maybe you should get some- why is there a KNIFE in your STOMACH?! ???
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Tony: Fuck, I spilt my water on my carpet.
Peter: Drink it.
Tony *exasperated*: I am not drinking carpet water.
Peter: You might get superpowers.
Tony: What I will get is a free trip to the fucking hospital.
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wingitbold · 2 years
Conversation
Tony: Peter isn't my son. He is my mentee. That's all.
Clint: Peter took the cookie box and it has a mint cookie in it.
Tony: [Runs to Peter frantically] Kid, give that cookie box back. It has mint in it. It will make you nauseous and hurt your stomach.
Clint: Yeah, you definitely aren't his dad.
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Tony: What are the rules of Monopoly?
Peter: If the game lasts over 4 hours you get the legal right to kill the person who asked to play.
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xpeterstarkx · 2 years
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mj: i dare you to—
tony: peter isn’t allowed to accept dares
peter: apparently i have “no regard for my personal safety”
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dead-inside-pt2 · 3 years
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Tony: Peter I swear if you got stabbed again I'm grounding you for a month
Peter, panicking as he tries to hide a very obvious stab wound: Uhhh Who's Peter?
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raiisakitsune · 4 years
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Tony: you spent your entire life savings on dogs???
Peter: they’re golden retrievers mr. Stark.
Peter: they retrieve gold
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quakesparker · 3 years
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Peter: Mr Stark! I just had the greatest idea ever
Tony: You don't get my suit to scare this Flash kid
Peter:
Peter: Oh come on
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vanillaavengerlings · 3 years
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Tony: Good luck on your first mission with Clint, Peter! Go break a leg!
Peter: Thank you Mr. Stark!
**2 hours later**
Tony: Kid, when I said break a leg, I didn’t mean YOU HAD TO LITERALLY BREAK A LEG I-
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diazevan · 5 years
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Sony and Disney: *Fight*
Tom Holland, on the phone to RDJ: Dad, can you pick me up? I'm scared.
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Conversation
Tony: Alright, listen up you dorks.
Tony: Not you, Peter, you're an angel and we're thrilled to have you here.
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Tony *Sees small pride thing*: Heyy, you're ace?
Peter*confused*: Yeaaaa.
Tony*offering hand*: High five?
Peter: YEAAAAAA.
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wingitbold · 2 years
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Tony: Peter, you can do whatever you want to do. I will never stop you. I am not those boring kind of mentors.
Peter: Thank you Mr. Stark.
Peter: So, Can I try jumping from the top of Stark Tower?
Tony: No... That’s not safe.
Peter: Can fly with Thor?
Tony: Pete... No. He has no regard for safety.
Peter: Can I go sparring with HULK?
Tony: No... What? Absolutely NOT. 
Peter: Can I learn magic from Dr. Strange.
Tony: No... absolutely NOT. No.
Peter: Can I go drinking with Loki?
Tony: No Peter. Absolutely Not. Not with Loki.
Peter [sarcastically]: Yeah, I can absolutely do anything I please?!
Tony: Yes, absolutely anything. I will never stop you from having fun.
Peter [mumbling]: Hypocrite
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Tony: Name five things that make you happy.
Peter: Hanging out with MJ, MJ’s opinions, MJ's eyes, how smart MJ is.
May: Are you sure you’re not in love with MJ?
Peter: I’m feeling a little less sure
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yes-i-am-happyaspie · 4 years
Conversation
Peter: *Eating a bag of sour gummy bears* These are my favorite.
Tony: I thought gummy worms were your favorite?
Peter: They were but these are superior.
Tony: Oh yeah, how so?
Peter: -Because they're sour and they're gummy and they're bears.
Tony: ...
Peter: ...
Peter: Stop judging me!
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