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ljlokijinx · 9 months

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Peter after his class continuously makes up dumb conspiracy theories about him, while on a field trip to another state: I am going to commit a murder.

MJ: Wait until you cross the border, taking a corpse between states costs money.

Peter, on a phone call with Nat: I was going to commit a murder, but I'm too poor.

Nat: Just cremate the body.

Peter: You know what? You're right. MJ? Is there any wood nearby?

Tony, listening to the convo bc they were on loudspeaker: Nat please don't encourage murder-

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spideyspetertingle · 8 days

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Peter: Mr. Stark? My tummy hurts. Tony: Ah, maybe you should get some- why is there a KNIFE in your STOMACH?! ???

#spiderman #incorrect marvel quotes #incorrect avengers #incorrect spiderman quotes #incorrect spiderman #incorrect spider man quotes #spider man #irondad #incorrect iron man quotes #iron dad #spideyson #tom holland #rdj

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incorrectquotesbybustajuice · 3 years

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Tony: Fuck, I spilt my water on my carpet.

Peter: Drink it.

Tony *exasperated*: I am not drinking carpet water.

Peter: You might get superpowers.

Tony: What I will get is a free trip to the fucking hospital.

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wingitbold · 2 years

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Tony: Peter isn't my son. He is my mentee. That's all.

Clint: Peter took the cookie box and it has a mint cookie in it.

Tony: [Runs to Peter frantically] Kid, give that cookie box back. It has mint in it. It will make you nauseous and hurt your stomach.

Clint: Yeah, you definitely aren't his dad.

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incorrect-avengers-quotes46 · 3 years

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Tony: What are the rules of Monopoly?

Peter: If the game lasts over 4 hours you get the legal right to kill the person who asked to play.

#tony stark #peter parker #irondad #tony and peter #spiderson #spideyson #iron man #spider man #marvel #mcu #incorrect marvel quotes #irondad and spideyson

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xpeterstarkx · 2 years

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mj: i dare you to—

tony: peter isn’t allowed to accept dares

peter: apparently i have “no regard for my personal safety”

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dead-inside-pt2 · 3 years

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Tony: Peter I swear if you got stabbed again I'm grounding you for a month

Peter, panicking as he tries to hide a very obvious stab wound: Uhhh Who's Peter?

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raiisakitsune · 4 years

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Tony: you spent your entire life savings on dogs???

Peter: they’re golden retrievers mr. Stark.

Peter: they retrieve gold

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quakesparker · 3 years

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Peter: Mr Stark! I just had the greatest idea ever

Tony: You don't get my suit to scare this Flash kid

Peter:

Peter: Oh come on

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vanillaavengerlings · 3 years

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Tony: Good luck on your first mission with Clint, Peter! Go break a leg!

Peter: Thank you Mr. Stark!

**2 hours later**

Tony: Kid, when I said break a leg, I didn’t mean YOU HAD TO LITERALLY BREAK A LEG I-

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diazevan · 5 years

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Sony and Disney: *Fight*

Tom Holland, on the phone to RDJ: Dad, can you pick me up? I'm scared.

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girlofstoriesandmagic · 4 years

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Tony: Alright, listen up you dorks.

Tony: Not you, Peter, you're an angel and we're thrilled to have you here.

#iron dad #Tony Stark #peter parker #Spiderman #Ironman #source: parks and rec #incorrect marvel quotes #incorrect marvel #Avengers #irondad #Spider son #spideyson

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incorrectquotesbybustajuice · 3 years

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Tony *Sees small pride thing*: Heyy, you're ace?

Peter*confused*: Yeaaaa.

Tony*offering hand*: High five?

Peter: YEAAAAAA.

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wingitbold · 2 years

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Tony: Peter, you can do whatever you want to do. I will never stop you. I am not those boring kind of mentors.

Peter: Thank you Mr. Stark.

Peter: So, Can I try jumping from the top of Stark Tower?

Tony: No... That’s not safe.

Peter: Can fly with Thor?

Tony: Pete... No. He has no regard for safety.

Peter: Can I go sparring with HULK?

Tony: No... What? Absolutely NOT.

Peter: Can I learn magic from Dr. Strange.

Tony: No... absolutely NOT. No.

Peter: Can I go drinking with Loki?

Tony: No Peter. Absolutely Not. Not with Loki.

Peter [sarcastically]: Yeah, I can absolutely do anything I please?!

Tony: Yes, absolutely anything. I will never stop you from having fun.

Peter [mumbling]: Hypocrite

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incorrect-avengers-quotes46 · 3 years

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Tony: Name five things that make you happy.

Peter: Hanging out with MJ, MJ’s opinions, MJ's eyes, how smart MJ is.

May: Are you sure you’re not in love with MJ?

Peter: I’m feeling a little less sure

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yes-i-am-happyaspie · 4 years

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Peter: *Eating a bag of sour gummy bears* These are my favorite.

Tony: I thought gummy worms were your favorite?

Peter: They were but these are superior.

Tony: Oh yeah, how so?

Peter: -Because they're sour and they're gummy and they're bears.

Tony: ...

Peter: ...

Peter: Stop judging me!

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