peter: if i ever grow u-
tony: im sorry, what?
peter: you cut me off, if i ev-
tony: if i ever grow up?
peter: *nods* yeah, if i ever grow up, im never getting a vacuum, theyre too loud
tony: *incoherent noises*
Peter : i put an egg in the freezer .
Tony : why ?
Peter : its for science .
Tony : what science ???
Peter : the science of seeing what a frozen egg looks like .
Tony: *Stubs toe*
Tony: *Catches sight of Morgan, runs into different room, slams door closed*
steve: i think you might’ve upset your dad.
peter: i don’t have any parents.
peter: *sees tony shaking his head in disappointment in the corner*
peter: …i’ve definitely upset him. i’m sorry mr stark.
Steve : So . Who broke it ? I’m not mad , I just wanna know .
Peter : …I did . I broke it .
Steve : No . No you didn’t . Harley ?
Harley: Don’t look at me . Look at Tony .
Tony : What ?! I didn’t break it .
Harley : Huh , that’s weird . How’d you even know it was broken ?
Tony : Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken .
Harley : Suspicious .
Tony : No it’s not !
Sam : If it matters , probably not , but Bucky was the last one to use it .
Bucky : Liar ! I don’t even drink that crap !
Sam : Oh really ? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier ?
Bucky : I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles . Everyone knows that Sam !
Peter : Okay let’s not fight . I broke it . Let me pay for it Mr. Rogers
Steve : No ! Who broke it !?
Clint : Steve… Nats been awfully quiet .
Natasha : REALLY ? !
Clint : Yeah , really !!!
[ later ]
Steve :I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it.
Thanos: Stark, I will ruin your happiness by any means necessary.
Tony: Good luck, I’ve never been happy since—
Peter, walking in: Hey Mr. Stark!
Tony: Oh no.
Peter: so what happens if I push this button?
Peter: *grins and presses down on the button*
Tony: it’s when you let it go that things get nasty.
fanfiction writers: *furiously projecting themselves onto him*
Tony: Where the actual fuck did we find this fucking kid, man?
Harley: My mom threw me out the window when I was three because she thought that I looked weird. And then you kinda just picked me up. I remember that very vividly.
Tony: why do you look so mad?
Stephen: YOU HIT ME WITH THE FRYING PAN
We could have been the announcer took off the blue-haired prince.