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#incorrect marauders quotes

Sirius & Remus: *cooking*

Remus: *cuts himself*

Sirius: oh my god you are bleeding

Remus: yes. That’s what happens when one cuts themselves Padfoot. You should be concerned if no blood came out

Sirius: i see blood loss doesn’t affect your talent for sarcasm

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James: life could be so much worse

Sirius: it could also be much better

Peter: at least we are alive

Remus: whether that’s a good or bad thing is debatable Peter

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Lily: Is it okay if I swear?

Remus: Yes! It’s about fucking time you start swearing

Lily: Fu-

Remus: Go on then

Lily: I’m nervous…

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headcanon that james potter is the mom friend and by that i mean he just keeps literally everything and anything you need in his robes

-he carries around multiple different types of snacks for his friends

-remus: aw damn I’m out of chocolate

james, pulling out a giant chocolate bar from a too small pocket: here ya go moony

sirius: wait, jay, what else do you have in your pockets?

james: ask for something

sirius: apples and peanut butter?

james: *pulls out little baggy of sliced apples and a pot of peanut butter*

peter: can i have something?

james: *pulls out cheese and bread*

lily: what about me, potter?

james: *pulls out a tiny treacle tart*

lily, blushing: thanks

-if someone gets a paper cut james will pop out of literally nowhere and hand them a bandaid

-this never fails to give peter a heart attack

-he carries around minor pain potions constantly and stocks up more during the full moon and silently hands one to moony when it looks like he needs it or after the original one’s effects wear off

-remus always smiles gratefully and neither of them ever mention it

-he carries pads and tampons around for people who need them and sometimes people come to him every month because their families don’t have enough money or the school only offers products that aren’t made for them at all

-he has a infinite amount of spare parchment, quills, and ink in varying colors

-tissues everywhere

-one time peter sneezed and he pulled out a whole tissue box

-spare quidditch gear

-there’s a rumor that he pulled a whole ass broom out of his pocket once

-keeps treats for the cats

-one time he accidentally gave mcgonagall a cat treat

-mcgonagall: mr. potter, bribery will get you nowhere

-he also has spare robes and ties for every house

-one time a first year ravenclaw lost all their ties and james gave them three new ones

-keeps muggle water bottles on him

-james: hydrate before you diedrate

remus: what if i wanna diedrate?

james: wanna talk rem?

-makes sure nobody gets too drunk at house parties

-also makes sure the littleuns don’t sneak down to the parties

-literally tucks his friends into bed, the sweetheart

-also keeps condoms of varying sizes

-sirius: hey prongs…

james: yeah pads?

sirius: uh do you— uh— can i—

james: *somehow just knows and hands him a condom*

sirius: thanks

-also carries around books and magazines for the bored moony and padfoot

-keeps a ball in his bag for when padfoot actually is padfoot

-has extra gobstone marbles, exploding snap cards, normal cards, chess board and pieces, etc.

james probably has a lot more in his pockets but this is already really long so I’ll stop

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Conversation
Sirius *wrapping wound with flex tape*
If your problems aren't fixed with flex tape, you aren't using enough flex tape.
Remus
I-
13 notes
Conversation
<div> Marauders internal reactions to finding out about Esté </div>
Lily
Kind of surprised, but she wasn't that close to James so when she got the letter it was just kind of like, oh, okay cool.
James
Literally wasn't even a year old yet.
Remus
Was unbothered. He's the king of secret keeping and could tell James and Lily were hiding something. He honestly thought he got her pregnant so he was just relieved.
Sirius
Didn't believe it. That's it. That's the post.
3 notes

Sirius: Why would you buy an umbrella? You can get them for free in the coffee shop, in the metal cans.

Remus: Those belong to people!

97 notes

Remus: you hexed severus!?

Sirius: yes! you should’ve heard what he said to me

Remus: what did he say?

Sirius: ‘what are you gonna do? hex me?’

28 notes

Remus: shoot! you’re loosing a lot of blood, quick what’s you’re type?

Sirius: brown hair, name starts with ‘r’, turns into a wolf every full moon-

Remus [blushing]: what is you’re blood type!?

Sirius: [looks at the wound]

Sirius: red

21 notes

Remus: You got detention for what?

Sirius: Chasing a cat.

Remus: Please don’t tell me it was McGonagall.

Sirius:

Remus: So?

Sirius: You said not to tell!

77 notes

Sirius: in my defence, i was left unsupervised

Remus: but wasn’t james with you?

James: in my defence, i was left unsupervised too

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James: Lily, will you go to Hogsmeade with me?

Lily, walking away: Only in your dreams, Potter

James:

James, turning to Sirius: Don’t you dare

Sirius: Rejected

Sirius: Rejected

Sirius: Yeah you just got rejected

Remus: R-E-J-E-C-T-E-D

21 notes

Class had just gotten out and the Marauders were sitting on the grass by the Black lake, taking full advantage of the spring sun.  Lily positioned with a book in her hands, Remus’s head in her lap. James and Sirius wrestling closer to the shore line.  “You’re being childish!” Lily called. “You’re just jealous!” Sirius called back in a strained voice before pinning James. “Of?” Lily laughed as James pouted.  “Oh don’t play dumb Evans, you’ve always been jealous of me, that’s why you asked James out, to get back at me.” Sirius explained as walked back up to the tree Lily was resting against. “To take your boyfriend from you?” Lily teased. “No! I’m way out of his league.” he replied, in mock offence. “Thanks mate” James rolled his eyes and sat on the other side of Lily. “You asked me out to take my best friend from me,” Sirius continued. “Thanks mate” Remus muttered. “One of my best friends from me. It was your plan all along, wasn’t it? Become James’s girlfriend and then suddenly he has no time for us.” Sirius teasingly gestured between him and Remus. “First of all, it was James’s sister’s idea, and second-” “James doesn’t have a sister.” Remus interrupted. Lily’s eyes went wide with realization. 

“James doesn’t have a sister?” Remus repeated as a question as he sat up. “Um, well I- no it’s uh-” Lily stuttered. “You know what, this is childish. James, tell them.” James’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he meekly said “Surprise?”. “Prongs, I live with you, I think I would know if you had a sister.” Sirius laughed. “Not if all of the pictures of her were hidden…and she was away for the summer…” James trailed off. 

It was silent for a while as Remus and Sirius processed everything. “How old is she?” Remus finally said. “Uh, eleven” James said. “Years?” Remus confirmed. “No..” he paused “Months younger than me.” Sirius looked up, dumbfounded. “ YOU’VE KEPT THIS A SECRET FOR FIVE YEARS?” he yelled, not angry, just…surprised. “And we thought Remus was good.” he muttered. “Well, it was a bet…She’s extremely competitive.” James offered quietly. “Tell me more.” Sirius intrigued. “You are eerily calm about this.” Lily laughed. 

11 notes