Sirius & Remus: *cooking*
Remus: *cuts himself*
Sirius: oh my god you are bleeding
Remus: yes. That’s what happens when one cuts themselves Padfoot. You should be concerned if no blood came out
Sirius: i see blood loss doesn’t affect your talent for sarcasm
Remus: *shows a picture of him as a baby*
Sirius: YOU’RE SO CUTE
Sirius, squishing Remus’ cheeks: AND SO SMOL
Sirius, now smirking: Though you’re still at the same height
James: life could be so much worse
Sirius: it could also be much better
Peter: at least we are alive
Remus: whether that’s a good or bad thing is debatable Peter
Lily: Is it okay if I swear?
Remus: Yes! It’s about fucking time you start swearing
Remus: Go on then
Lily: I’m nervous…
Marlene: You need to man up Sirius and ask Remus out
Sirius: Man up? sexist
Sirius: I don’t see gender, sir
-he carries around multiple different types of snacks for his friends
-remus: aw damn I’m out of chocolate
james, pulling out a giant chocolate bar from a too small pocket: here ya go moony
sirius: wait, jay, what else do you have in your pockets?
james: ask for something
sirius: apples and peanut butter?
james: *pulls out little baggy of sliced apples and a pot of peanut butter*
peter: can i have something?
james: *pulls out cheese and bread*
lily: what about me, potter?
james: *pulls out a tiny treacle tart*
lily, blushing: thanks
-if someone gets a paper cut james will pop out of literally nowhere and hand them a bandaid
-this never fails to give peter a heart attack
-he carries around minor pain potions constantly and stocks up more during the full moon and silently hands one to moony when it looks like he needs it or after the original one’s effects wear off
-remus always smiles gratefully and neither of them ever mention it
-he carries pads and tampons around for people who need them and sometimes people come to him every month because their families don’t have enough money or the school only offers products that aren’t made for them at all
-he has a infinite amount of spare parchment, quills, and ink in varying colors
-one time peter sneezed and he pulled out a whole tissue box
-spare quidditch gear
-there’s a rumor that he pulled a whole ass broom out of his pocket once
-keeps treats for the cats
-one time he accidentally gave mcgonagall a cat treat
-mcgonagall: mr. potter, bribery will get you nowhere
-he also has spare robes and ties for every house
-one time a first year ravenclaw lost all their ties and james gave them three new ones
-keeps muggle water bottles on him
-james: hydrate before you diedrate
remus: what if i wanna diedrate?
james: wanna talk rem?
-makes sure nobody gets too drunk at house parties
-also makes sure the littleuns don’t sneak down to the parties
-literally tucks his friends into bed, the sweetheart
-also keeps condoms of varying sizes
-sirius: hey prongs…
james: yeah pads?
sirius: uh do you— uh— can i—
james: *somehow just knows and hands him a condom*
-also carries around books and magazines for the bored moony and padfoot
-keeps a ball in his bag for when padfoot actually is padfoot
-has extra gobstone marbles, exploding snap cards, normal cards, chess board and pieces, etc.
james probably has a lot more in his pockets but this is already really long so I’ll stop
James and Lily: *on a date*
Sirius: I WON’T
Sirius: I WON’T ACCEPT IT
Sirius: Why would you buy an umbrella? You can get them for free in the coffee shop, in the metal cans.
Remus: Those belong to people!
Remus: fuck you, padfoot
Sirius: is that an insult or on your to-do list?
Remus: you hexed severus!?
Sirius: yes! you should’ve heard what he said to me
Remus: what did he say?
Sirius: ‘what are you gonna do? hex me?’
Sirius: moony, did you know why saturdays and sundays are the strongest days?
Sirius: because all other days are weak-days
Remus: shoot! you’re loosing a lot of blood, quick what’s you’re type?
Sirius: brown hair, name starts with ‘r’, turns into a wolf every full moon-
Remus [blushing]: what is you’re blood type!?
Sirius: [looks at the wound]
Remus: You got detention for what?
Sirius: Chasing a cat.
Remus: Please don’t tell me it was McGonagall.
Sirius: You said not to tell!
Sirius: in my defence, i was left unsupervised
Remus: but wasn’t james with you?
James: in my defence, i was left unsupervised too
Sirius: *dials 911*
Sirius: I hate to be “that guy” but I glued myself to the ceiling again
James: Lily, will you go to Hogsmeade with me?
Lily, walking away: Only in your dreams, Potter
James, turning to Sirius: Don’t you dare
Sirius: Yeah you just got rejected
Class had just gotten out and the Marauders were sitting on the grass by the Black lake, taking full advantage of the spring sun. Lily positioned with a book in her hands, Remus’s head in her lap. James and Sirius wrestling closer to the shore line. “You’re being childish!” Lily called. “You’re just jealous!” Sirius called back in a strained voice before pinning James. “Of?” Lily laughed as James pouted. “Oh don’t play dumb Evans, you’ve always been jealous of me, that’s why you asked James out, to get back at me.” Sirius explained as walked back up to the tree Lily was resting against. “To take your boyfriend from you?” Lily teased. “No! I’m way out of his league.” he replied, in mock offence. “Thanks mate” James rolled his eyes and sat on the other side of Lily. “You asked me out to take my best friend from me,” Sirius continued. “Thanks mate” Remus muttered. “One of my best friends from me. It was your plan all along, wasn’t it? Become James’s girlfriend and then suddenly he has no time for us.” Sirius teasingly gestured between him and Remus. “First of all, it was James’s sister’s idea, and second-” “James doesn’t have a sister.” Remus interrupted. Lily’s eyes went wide with realization.
“James doesn’t have a sister?” Remus repeated as a question as he sat up. “Um, well I- no it’s uh-” Lily stuttered. “You know what, this is childish. James, tell them.” James’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he meekly said “Surprise?”. “Prongs, I live with you, I think I would know if you had a sister.” Sirius laughed. “Not if all of the pictures of her were hidden…and she was away for the summer…” James trailed off.
It was silent for a while as Remus and Sirius processed everything. “How old is she?” Remus finally said. “Uh, eleven” James said. “Years?” Remus confirmed. “No..” he paused “Months younger than me.” Sirius looked up, dumbfounded. “ YOU’VE KEPT THIS A SECRET FOR FIVE YEARS?” he yelled, not angry, just…surprised. “And we thought Remus was good.” he muttered. “Well, it was a bet…She’s extremely competitive.” James offered quietly. “Tell me more.” Sirius intrigued. “You are eerily calm about this.” Lily laughed.
remus: you exploit me for notes
sirius: i exploit you out of pure unadulterated love
remus: well that’s a bit gay