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#incorrect marvel

Loki: what do you want from me?

Thor: the truth!

Loki: *laughs*

Thor:

Loki:

Loki: oh you weren’t joking

20 notes

Tony, waking up in a middle of night: Hey, Loki. Loki wake up.

Loki: What?

Tony: I just had a fucking dream. Literally and figuratively.

Loki: For Odin’s beard, it’s 2 am, Anthony. Go back to sleep.

Tony: But you’re not interested in hearing details?

Loki:

Loki: Go. To. Sleep.

3 notes

Tony: You’re the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Pepper: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Tony: Absolutely not.

29 notes

Peter B: Everyone always asks me how do I handle this team?

Peter B: The secret is, I don’t. I have no control over them whatsoever. This morning, Miles called my name, and when I showed up to see what’s going on, Ham shot me in the throat with a nerf gun.

185 notes

Avengers as things I’ve overheard at work part 3

Tony: Steve you’re a lesbian right?

Steve: do I have depression? I don’t think so? Why are you asking me that?


Clint: what do you mean innuendos I never make innuendos!

Clint five seconds later: Can you move up a bit I’m trying to come beneath you.


Natasha: sometimes when a customer leaves the door open I go, slam it shut, and then stand in front of them and glare for a few seconds. They often will rip really well out of sheer terror.


Bruce: You’re really testing my limits. If you don’t fucking do your job I will break you

The coffee machine:


Tony: I’m so attractive, that’s why we’re busy today, the customers want to see my face


Thor: such a large ego for such a small man

Rhodey: the word you’re looking for is miniature

Tiny: Tony: you’re supposed to be mature!


Tony: I’d make a great chiropractor. I break people’s backs every night

Bruce: chiropractors fix backs

Tony: if no backs are broke their are no backs to fix. Break the back for a pay check. Have you never heard that phrase?

Bruce: no because you just made it up

12 notes

Natasha: Wait, wait, wait! What are you doing!?

Y/N: Heating up the potion.

Natasha: In the microwave!?

Y/N: It’s faster.

Natasha: And deadly!

Y/N: We’ll be fine.

Natasha: Last time you said that we ended up in Sesame Street and you made friends with Oscar the Grouch.

183 notes

Natasha, to the team: What is Y/n holding right now?

Steve: A pumpkin

Tony: Obviously

Natasha, turning to Y/n: Tell them what you think it is.

Y/n:

Y/n: A Halloween apple

270 notes

Natasha: *throws a rock through a window to gain access to a suspects house*

Steve: That’s breaking and entering!

Natasha: No, that was breaking.

Natasha: *opens door* This, is entering.

38 notes

Steve: Who besides Bucky and I know everything about the Great Depression?

Y/N: I thought it was called the Grand Canyon?

25 notes