Thor: Are you talking to yourself?
Loki: Yes, it’s the only way to have an intelligent conversation.
*At the hospital with Tony*
Nurse : So tell me what happened to you.
Y/N : Okay. I was in the kitchen and I was baking. Then, I took the kitchen knife to cut something and the knife… fell…
Nurse : The knife fell ?
Y/N : Yes.
Nurse : On your stomach ?
Y/N : Yes.
Nurse : Miss, are you lying to me ?
Y/N : What ? No ! Why would I lie to you ?!
Nurse : Please, miss. Tell me the truth.
Y/N : Okay okay ! I wanted to prank on my friend by “stabbing” myself with a fake kitchen knife but I took the real one without knowing it !
Nurse : It’s more… logical… I guess… Thank you, miss. *leaves*
Tony : You’re lying again. I know it.
Y/N : …
Y/N : I was entering the living room and Loki thought it was Thor so he stabbed me without checking first who it was…
Tony : And why didn’t you denounce him ?!
Y/N : Because he promised me to take me to Disneyland and then visit Asgard ! Isn’t that cool ?
Tony : NO-
[tonys working in his lab]
FRI: sir peter and harley are kissing
Tony: *proud they finally admitted feelings for each other*
FRI: they are now heading into Mr. Keeners room
Tony: *slight panik*
FRI: They appear to be taking off their shirt and pants
Tony: *bigger panik* Fri, are my two kids going to fu-
FRI: They are now crawling into Mr. Keeners bed
Tony: *racing around like a madman* FRIDAY!
FRI: Oh they’re adorable. They’re cuddling
Tony: *collapses on the couch*
Loki: I’ve got an army.
Tony: We’ve got the Hulk.
Logan: I have my team.
Female reader: I’ve got my period…
Loki: Apparently spite isn’t a good answer to what motivates you.
Peter: I guess I saved you from a boring existence.
May: Occasionally I miss boring.
Peter: Okay, so this demon sheriff-
May: I miss conversations that didn’t start with “demon sheriff”.
Fury: The only thing that seems to motivate you guys is pancakes
Clint: Pancakes? I love pancakes!
Natasha: Do we have maple syrup for them?
Tony: I’ll go buy it
Steve: Where are they?
Fury: THERE ARE NO PANCAKES
Tony: [day 3 without sleep] I’m not convinced I know how to read. I’ve just memorized a lot of words.
Loki, maddeningly throwing articles of clothing across the room from the wardrobe: None of these seems to fit me anymore! NONE. AT. ALL.
Thor, crouching next to the huge pile on the floor: Eh… Not all though… This one might fit you…
Loki, fiery eyes and seiðr swirling around him: That’s a bloody hat, you dumb himbo… WAIT, DID YOU SAY ‘MIGHT’-