walburga: you’re not good enough for my son
remus: you’re not good enough for your son
walburga: excuse me?
remus: you heard me.
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James: We need to talk about your mental health.
Regulus, trying to change the subject: Actually, what I need is to be dicked down right now.
James:
Regulus:
James, removing his tie: You know, one of these days that isn't going to work-
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Sirius: I think I’m coming down with something, I’ve been feeling nauseous lately.
James: Maybe you’re pregnant?
Sirius: …
James: …
Sirius: I don’t know who’s the bigger idiot right now, you because you suggested it, or me, because i just had a heart attack.
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sirius: hey remus, are you awake?
remus: what
sirius: are you awake?
remus: who the fuck do you think just said ‘what’?
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Remus: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?
Sirius: It was autocorrect.
Remus: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?
Sirius: Yes.
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*Sirius and James sitting in jail together*
James: So who should we call?
Sirius: I'd call Remus but I feel safer in jail
James: Yeah, I'd call regulus but I don't think I'll make it through the day alive if I do that
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sirius: i’m so sexy and troubled no one appreciates me
marlene: you look like you’d eat a bonsai tree in record time
sirius: the fuck is that supposed to mean
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Regulus: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
James: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Sirius: A realist sees a freight train.
Remus: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
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Sirius Black.
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the marauders as shit my friends have said:
Remus: "Saying the drizzle rained like gyrating fish is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."
Pandora: "I had a child, we figured out we were soulmates, got married over text."
Regulus: "I walk in like 'time to die'"
Barty: "I am ready to fight God"
Sirius: "He's right there, that little traitor bitch."
Remus: "Rehab is for quitters"
Lily: "Can't be a billionaire without breaking a few ankles."
Evan: "You're drinking fancy water today?"
Barty: "I committed arson on Saturday"
Marlene: "I'm not a hoe, but I can be ;)"
Sirius: "Girls are too complicated, I fuck with men."
Mary: "I like shiny things... like birds. and fish."
Marlene: "I need oral support- I mean moral support"
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James about regulus ft things I've said about my own pretty boy
A:
James ranting to anyone who will listen: he is the prettiest boy I have ever seen in my life
B:
James to Remus: he sent me a video and his hair is so poofy in it, I'm blushing
Remus: HAAAA. *starts ranting about sirius*
C:
James: I'd drink regulus up, he'd be refreshing as a beverage
D:
James: God regulus is so pretty. going to hang myself at this point
E:
James: I wish I was a teddy, so that regulus would hug me to sleep every night
*sigh*
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sirius black fell through a ceiling at least once during his life
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Lily: Severus Snape, you have the right to remain
Sirius: A fucking loser, hah!
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Remus: *sees Sirius wearing fancy clothes*
Remus, sad: I see you have a date. Who's the lucky person?
Sirius: …
Sirius: I forgot to ask you, didn't I?
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regulus: do NOT tell james about this
remus: you want me to LIE to james???
regulus: is that a problem?
remus: lol no
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Sirius, admiring a sleeping Remus: You’re so cute.
Remus, sleepily: I could beat you up.
Sirius, lovingly: I know.
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