#incorrect peter parker
Peter B: What are you filled with?
Peni: Bones. Meat. Blood.
Spider-Ham: I ate so much glitter.
Spider-Ham: You should probably take me to the hospital.
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peter: i would rather die
tony, panicking: THAN??????
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Peter: I have edge!
Tony: You really don’t. You are literally the most wide-eyed person I’ve ever seen. You have the face of a cartoon lamb
Tony: We love you for it though
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Tony: You gave Peter a knife???
Loki: He felt unsafe.
Tony: Now I feel unsafe!
Loki: ... would you like a knife?
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Peter, introducing himself to The Avengers: Hello, my name is Peter with a ‘B’, and I’ve been afraid of insects my entire life.
Y/N: Wait… where is it?
Y/N: The B?
Peter: tHeRe’S a BeE???
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MJ: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Peter: I wrote you a poem.
MJ, almost crying: You did?
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Tony : If Stephen and I were drowning, who would you save?
Peter : You two can’t swim?
Stephen : It’s a hypothetical question, Peter! who would you save?
Peter : my time and effort.
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Ned: Once I saw someone write “lgtb” instead of “lgbt” and it confused me, but now I love it because it’s a perfect acronym for “let’s guillotine the bourgeoisie.”
Peter: Let’s get this bread.
MJ: Bread is exactly what the French wanted when they guillotined the bourgeoisie.
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(When Peter Joins the Avengers)
Steve: Are you ready to commit?
Peter: Like, a crime? Or a relationship?
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Tony: If you don't buckle down and do your work, you'll end up in McDonald's.
Peter: We're going to McDonald's if I don't do my work?
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Peter: *puts honey in his tea* Oh yeah, get in that leaf juice you sexy, sexy bee sauce.
MJ: ...hey do you take constructive criticism?
Peter: I absolutely fucking do not.
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Peter Parker: If Mike is short for Michael then Bike is short for Bichael
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tony: have you had enough?
peter: of life? oh yeah
peter: oh of food? yeah i’m full thanks
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Ned: Why isn’t the oven heating up? Is it broken? Did we forget to pay the gas bill?
Peter: Of course we paid the gas bill. I remember because it ended with a 69 and we high-fived.
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Noir, after listening to conspiracy theories from Miles: "I've connected the dots"
Peter B Parker, a very tired boy: " You haven't connected shit"
Noir, adding another pin to his conspiracy board: "I've connected them!"
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Peter: well, well, well
Peter: look who finally made it home
Tony: I-how did you even get in here
Peter: I climbed through the window but that's irrelevant-
Tony: WE'RE ON THE 25TH FLOOR PETER-
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Wade: Hey guys guess what I got!
MJ: A woman?
Ned: A real job?
Peter: A friend your own age?
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Peter: Hey, murderers and killers: knock it off. Stop killing and murdering all the time.
Peter: That’s just my opinion though.
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Peter: Mr. Stark, what’s Clint’s favourite store?
Tony: I’m not sure, wh-
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Tony: this is not the time for your shenanigans
Peter: it was a single shenanigan
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