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#incorrect peter parker
underoooos · 2 days ago
Tony : *shouting in Italian*
Peter: I know, I'm sorry, Mr. Stark
Steve: You speak Italian?
Peter: No. I just know the phrase, "Are you fucking crazy? Don't you ever do that again!" in every language Mr. Stark speaks.
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bibitchteddy · 2 days ago
Harley: how was the date?
Peter: it was really fun
Harley: but?
Peter: we walked around for two hours even though neither of us want to walk anymore but we were both too scared to say anything
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katys-10-rings · 17 hours ago
[On a mission]
Bucky: It's so dark in here, does anybody have a light?
Peter: I got this! Lemme just-
Sam: If you stomp your light up sneakers I will tell Stark you were the one who blew up the lab.
Peter: *gently sets his foot down*
Bucky: *confused old man noises*
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incorrect-assvengers · 12 days ago
*babysitting Morgan*
Peter, high pitched: Hey Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
MJ, in a deep voice: Nonsense, Barbie. You are staying home to take care of the kids.
Tony: What are you two doing?
Peter and MJ, in sync: Playing systematic oppression.
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Wanda, just chilling in Westview: *hears knocking*
Wanda walking out of the reality bubble: What the hell? 
Peter Parker: Hey, I heard we were pretending our loved ones didn’t die? Can I come in, I’ve always wanted to be in a sitcom. 
Wanda: ??? 
Peter: Can we change it to the Office? 
Wanda: ....
Wanda: Sure, come on in. 
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adhd-peterparker · a month ago
Shang-chi: We need a distraction.
Peter: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?
Katy, whispering: My time has come
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buckyscentedwho · 11 months ago
Peter: So what if he wins again?
Steve: We suck it up, I guess.
Bucky, cleaning his favorite shotgun: Not my first president, won't be my last.
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frostedwitch · 4 months ago
Peter: Do you think the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are real, Mr Stark?
Tony: Probably no-
Peter: Because the thing is they're mutated teenagers, I'm a mutated teenager, they're ninjas and I can do some sick flips, I think we'd get along great.
Tony: ... kid, is this why Karen has told me you've spent the last 3 nights in the sewers?
Peter: I'm going to find them, Mr Stark.
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spiderblog1432 · 11 days ago
Peter: *eyeing Shang-Chi suspiciously*
Peter: so you know martial arts huh?
Shang-Chi: of sorts, yes.
Peter: *nods*
Peter: could you take Natasha in a fight?
Shang-Chi: absolutely not, wouldn’t even bother trying.
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the-man-of-spiders · 6 months ago
Tony: Hey kid you should really read those novels, they’re classics.
Peter: No thanks Mr. Stark, they just seem really long and boring.
Tony: What’s that you’re reading there?
Peter, mumbling: ...a 500K slow burn Star Wars fanfic...
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adhd-peterparker · 2 months ago
Peter: The results are in, I’m afraid you have updog…
Loki: What’s updog?
Peter: Ned! Get in here, I told you I could do it!
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Peter: So um... Cap I bet in your time you were a bit of a ladies man you know... You have the looks... and everything. I just wonder if you could give me any advice on how to talk to girls?
Steve: Oh I see
*places hand on Peter's shoulder*
Steve: Peter I'm gay
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frostedwitch · 4 months ago
Peter: I have my "Spidey Sense" it tells me when I'm in danger.
Tony: I have my "Peter is a Dumbass Sense" it tells me when he's about to die from his own stupidity.
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