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#incorrect peter parker
Tony, walking in the door
Hi...why are you on the ceiling
Peter, in a v awkward position on the ceiling
oh no reason, I just like it up here, nice view, you know?
Tony
where's the spider
Peter
by the fridge
0 notes

Peter B: Everyone always asks me how do I handle this team?

Peter B: The secret is, I don’t. I have no control over them whatsoever. This morning, Miles called my name, and when I showed up to see what’s going on, Ham shot me in the throat with a nerf gun.

115 notes

May: fuck you, my child is completely fine

Peter who’s secretly spider-man, fought with the Avengers, almost got crushed by a building and gets stabbed and/or shot at least once a week: yeah

125 notes

Peter: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Natasha: I’m a knife

Steve, from the other side of the room: She’s the little spoon

67 notes

Peter: I’m a pro at hiding who I like

Harley, walking by: Hey Peter

Peter: I have to gay

Peter: I mean go-

17 notes
Conversation
Tony
hey kid
Peter
sorry mister stark i'm too busy to talk right now, i've got to sell my turnips
Tony
okay i'll bite, why are you selling turnips?
Peter
how else do you expect me to pay off my house loan, mister stark?
Tony
... you know i'm a billionaire, right?
152 notes

morgan: i got no money

peter: you got like 5 bank accounts

morgan: no i got 1 2 3 4.. 5 yeah ur right

22 notes
Peter
*pushing on a door that clearly says “pull”*
MJ, filming him
Just push harder.
34 notes
Peter
Hello sir, welcome to Applebees, would you like apples or bees?
Tony, still processing what the fuck is happening
Bees?
Peter
HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEES
Tony
What-
Ned in the kitchen
*violently shaking a jar full of bees*
Tony, terrified and ready to book it
WAIT NO- THIS ISN'T EVEN AN APPLEBEES, IT'S YOUR FUCKING APARTMENT
128 notes
Peter
Uh, would you like a drink?
Peter
We have water, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper-
Stephen
S-spiders?
Peter
Alright, spiders it is then.
Stephen
Wait, no-
Peter, already pouring spiders into a glass
Stephen
PETER, NO-
26 notes
Tony
I need to have a talk with you, kid.
Peter
Mr. Stark, wait. Before you get mad, I have to tell you something.
Tony
What?
Peter
This video is sponsored by NordVPN.
Tony
I don't believe y- wait what
Ned, suddenly appearing behind Peter
Staying safe online is an ever growing difficulty and you could be exploited by hackers. NordVPN allows you to change your IP address, making you harder to track, securing your privacy.
Peter
Check out the link in the description to get 69% off for the first two months and thank you to NordVPN for sponsoring this video.
Tony
What the actual FUCK is happening?
17 notes