#incorrect peter parker quotes
Tony: Who hurt you?
Peter: Do you want a list or what?
Tony, getting his blasters ready: Actually, yes.
4K notes · View notes
Peter, high pitched: Hey Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
MJ, in a deep voice: Nonsense, Barbie. You are staying home to take care of the kids.
Tony: What are you two doing?
Peter and MJ, in sync: Playing systematic oppression.
517 notes · View notes
Peter, out of nowhere, for no reason: Your bellybutton is just your old mouth
Tony : I was having a good day. We were all having a good day.
684 notes · View notes
Gwen: Alright. Time for a new team-bonding exercise. We’re going to put everything we love into this box.
Peter B: Can I put Miles in the box?
Peni: Can I put Miles in the box?
Noir: Can I put Miles in the box?
Spider-Ham: Can I-
Gwen: No one can put Miles in the box!
248 notes · View notes
Tony: Superhero scenario: You’re fighting a criminal, who you realize is your dad. How do you handle the situation?
Peter: Well, first, I would be like, “Dad, you’re alive?”
503 notes · View notes
Peter: HEY HEY!
Tony (whispering): shhh, Morgan’s sleeping.
Peter (whispering): sorry.
Tony (whispering): what’s up?
Peter(whispering): there’s a fire-
852 notes · View notes
Tony: Can we please reconsider the no swearing rule?
Peter: Harley is such a meanie, he makes me want to yeet myself off a bridge, this just butters my biscuits!
Pepper: What the hell?
Peter: What the frick frack did you just say? Watch your mouth this is YOUR rule.
Tony: Please stop this.
706 notes · View notes
Peter, taking off his hat to reveal a much smaller, sparkly hat: Does this answer your question?
Tony: I didn't even ask–
745 notes · View notes
Peter: *learning how to drive*
Tony: Didn't you see that sign?!
Peter: Yeah, what about it?
Tony: It says 35 and you're going 50!
Peter: Oh that's just a suggestion.
513 notes · View notes
mysterio: well if it isn’t peter parker
peter: but... it is me
mysterio: no— it’s an expression—
peter: your villain tricks won’t work on me
339 notes · View notes
MJ : listen, all i'm saying is if you would just stop spending money on SIMS 4 maybe then you could pay your rent...?
Peter, sniffling : i know, i know
180 notes · View notes
Peter: Sometimes Mr. Stark asks “What do you think you’re doing?” But that just means stop. He doesn’t actually want to know my thought process.
1K notes · View notes
Tony: What are your three best qualities?
Peter: I'm bisexual, I have soft hair and sometimes I cry because I love my friends.
442 notes · View notes
Stephen, to Peter : Did you put glitter in the laundry detergent?
Peter: Oh yeah! We're experimenting with some new ideas. That one's called sparkle suds!
Stephen, to Tony : Can you at least stop putting glitter on everything? There was glitter in the butter this morning too.
Tony : *shrieks in joy* Disco dairy: Spread the party!
Stephen: *sighs deeper*
427 notes · View notes
Peter B, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!
Spider-Ham, walking in covered in ink: Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.
331 notes · View notes
Peter: If Mr. Stark and Ms. Potts got together, they would make the most beautiful super baby. It would rule us all...But what if super baby became too powerful?
Steve: What I meant was, did you have anything to say about the mission?
Peter: Oh, yeah, a lot.
292 notes · View notes
Tony: I’m starting to worry about Peter
Harley: nah, I’m sure he’s fine.
Harley: Peter, It’s 4 am. . . why are you baking a cake? Also what’s with the party decorations and candy?
Peter: I’m celebrating the death of my sleep schedule and sanity. . . cookie?
672 notes · View notes
Tony: While I’m gone, Harley, you’re in charge.
Tony, whispering: Peter, you’re secretly in charge.
650 notes · View notes
Peter: *plays a kazoo*
Tony, sleep deprived: is that a zucchini
Peter: no this is a kazoo
204 notes · View notes
Mj: Are you trying to tell me something?
Peter, placing down their dinner: What?
Mj: I wasn't going to say anything but this is the third night in a row that we had salad.
Mj: Am I not skinny enough for you or something?!
Peter: OH MY GOD- NO MJ, I SWEAR THATS NOT IT-
Mj: Then what is it?
Peter: I have five gallons of salad dressing.
Mj: What the fuck-
216 notes · View notes