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#incorrect peter quotes

Harley: ugh I’m just stuck in a loop. it’s just school, therapy, Netflix, sleep

Peter: that’s a good routine

Harley: no. routines are a capitalist agenda

Peter: and it makes it easier for a murderer to kill you cuz they know where you are, what you do and when

Harley: ??????

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Peter: *sets up his desk with his laptop and textbooks and notebooks, pastel highlighters and multi-coloured pens, a stack of post-its and an iced coffee*

Peter: what a beautiful day to

Peter: do absolutely nothing for 7 hours

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Peter : we can’t alter the past nor can we gaze upon the future, the only thing we can do is live in the present

Peter : and that is why i’ve decided to put my furby in a blender, fuck u for coming to my ted talk

Tony, eating popcorn with a fork while wearing sunglasses : I’ve given up on my firstborn child

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incorrect but also totally canon things peter parker has said before; a saga

  • “hey, spiders have feelings bitch.”
  • “if shoes talked would they tell us not to walk all over them anymore?”
  • “you know, i think spiders like me. except for that one time when it bit me but that’s besides the point-”
  • “mr. stark no offense but you dress even more homeless than i do.”
  • “i’m just, so fucking poor bro. like i ate a sandwich off of a subway seat yesterday, that’s how broke i am-”
  • “yes liz was pretty but the father in law was a no go man.”
  • “no, i’m not bi. there’s such thing as spicy bi, karen.”
  • “i’m such a good secret keeper.” *proceeds to keep extra suit under lockers*
  • “it’s not spiderboy YOU FUCKING BIRCH TREE.”
  • “ah, well you know, i definitely have a fatter ass than you mj-” *slap*
  • “just.. just let me get a mudmask in and then i’ll do it.” “NO I WILL NOT RECONSIDER.”
  • “i’m spiderman, of course i can- yES I CAN DO IT NED.” “ned i can’t do it.”
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Peter: Have you guys done your daily sacrifice for the day??

MJ: “daily sacrifice for the day”

Ned: it’s Peter, don’t question it.

MJ: That’s not what I mean.

MJ: Isn’t that the definition of daily tho.

Peter: Shh, answer my question, shithead.

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