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zealouspickleeggdragon · 2 years

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Dumbledore: Harry, I am sure this is simply a misunderstanding.

Harry, to Dumbledore: He's a wanted criminal!

Snape: Lies, I wasn't even a wanted child.

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overlord-of-fantasy · 18 days

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This is canon

Severus Snape: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

#harry potter #severus snape #snape #professor snape #incorrect harry potter quotes #harry potter memes #harry potter crack

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394halfbloodprince · 10 months

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Severus: [taps quill]

Lily: [taps quill back]

James: stop that!

Lily: stop what?

James: you’re talking about me in Morse code.

Severus: yes, that’s exactly what we’re doing. In our very limited free time, Me and Lily took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.

[later]

Severus to regulus: that’s exactly what we did.

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overheard-at-hogwarts · 11 months

Conversation

Snape: The kids get worse and worse every year, but people keep making them.

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goldandglittersblog · 5 months

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McGonagall: Did you just give 10 points to Mr. Malfoy for being too handsome?

Snape: Get off your high horse. You play favourites too.

McGonagall: No one can accuse me of being partial towards anyone.

Snape: Oh really?

McGonagall: Yes. I love Ms. Granger and all the non MS. Grangers equally.

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roryy019 · 10 months

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Snape: You’re so stupid, no wonder no one likes you

Y/n: Why are you always bullying me? Do you hate me?

Snape: What? No, I’m flirting with you.

Y/n:

Snape:

Snape: I’m in love with you.

#snape doesnt know how to flirt #incorrect snape quotes #snape x you #snape content #severus snape #snapedom #severus snape x you #snape imagines #snape defense #professor snape #snape x oc #snape x reader

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severussnaperevived · 4 months

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Ron: "harry, that new teacher must be desperate for help"

Harry: "should we go help her?"

Ron: "no way mate Snape is helping her"

Hermione: "I feel sorry for her, we should go help, how did you know this though?"

Ron: "well I was walking past her room and I heard her moan yes yes right there just like that Severus, then she made some weird sound, then Snape said I'm coming and moaned"

Harry: "sounds awful we need to help her"

George: "mate trust us Snape is helping her just fine"

Fred: pulls out map "look I think we have just found a way out of detention"

George: " yes yes right there just like that"

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lulublack90 · 1 month

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Prompt 20 - Manegro Potion

@wolfstarmicrofic March 20, word count 465

The Marauders had always been pranksters. Even before they’d started calling themselves Marauders. But since Sirius and Remus had gotten together, the pranking had escalated. It was as if their being together had opened up a new pranking platform.

Today’s prank involved a vast amount of Manegro Potion that Sirius had charmed the House Elves out of the way so Remus could pour the potion into the barrels of Pumpkin Juice and all the tea and coffee pots. They’d even put it in the water pitchers and placed a glamour over them so they appeared empty. It was going to be massive.

Remus, Sirius, James and Peter watched with glee on their faces as the entire school, including the professors, all enjoyed their breakfasts and drank their beverages.

It started slowly. Emmeline Vance’s ponytail grew from halfway down her back to the edge of the bench. Gideon and Fabian Prewett grew matching mullets, and Marlene's fringe snuck down into her eyes.

Soon, the entire school was sprouting hair at an alarming rate. Snape’s greasy locks looked even more like curtains as his hair grew down to his waist. Dumbledore looked like a yeti as his already long hair and beard flowed across the floor.

Remus jabbed Sirius’s side and pointed at the Slytherin table, where Regulus sat in horror as his hair grew to the same length as Sirius’s.

“Ha, mini Sirius!” James barked out loud enough for Regulus to hear him, and pure rage covered his face. Sirius didn’t find it funny either and sulked until he saw Peter lift a glass of water to his lips.

“PETER!” But too late. Peter drank the potion.

“What? What?” He squeaked as his sandy hair grew from his head.

“Peter, we did say not to drink anything at breakfast.” Remus shook his head at his friend.

“Oops,” Peter blushed as his face disappeared under his mop of hair.

Sirius snuggled into Remus’s side.

“Remus, my love. I think we have outdone ourselves.” He sighed happily as they observed the chaos they had caused.

“SIRIUS BLACK, REMUS LUPIN!!! DETENTION!!! ONE WEEK!!!!” They flinched as Professor McGonagall screamed at them as she hurriedly undid the rapidly expanding neat bun at the back of her head before the weight of it caused neck damage.

They turned to James, wondering why he hadn’t been given detention as well and nearly fell off the bench as they laughed uncontrollably. James, feeling left out, had drunk the potion-laced pumpkin juice and currently, his thick, messy, black hair was growing straight up and showing no signs of falling. Sirius and Remus looked at each other, tears of joy spilling from their eyes as they silently decided that the week of detention had been worth it just to see James’s two-foot-tall tower of hair.

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ravenshavenn · 8 months

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Snape: Expecto Patronum! *doe appears*

Lily: ...

Lily: Wait... Is that my fucking deer?

Snape: ... No....

Lily: That IS my deer!?

Snape: .... Maybe...

Lily: *running towards him* GIVE ME BACK MY DEER!!

Snape: *running* NO IT'S MINE NOW YOU CAN'T HAVE IT

#snilly #pro snilly #severus snape #snape #pro snape #snape fandom #pro severus snape #snape community #professor severus snape #professor snape #pro severus #snape au #snape content #lily evans #snape memes #incorrect quotes #incorrect marauders quotes #incorrect snape quotes

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somesnapefan2 · 4 months

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*remus sneezing*

Severus:

Remus: your not even gonna say "bless you"?

Severus: I'm sitting in the same room as you, you've already been blessed

#hp #harry potter #severus snape #pro severus snape #professor snape #remus lupin #professor lupin #harry potter incorrect quotes

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madamefortuna14148 · 7 months

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McGonagall: Did you call one of my students dumb today?

Snape: No. I said "Are you dumb?".

McGonagall: ...

Snape: I was asking him.

McGonagall: *sighs* Do you think that was appropriate?

Snape: Very much so.

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zealouspickleeggdragon · 2 years

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[A disheveled Harry explaining he was late to Potions because Draco tripped him down the stairs]

Snape: Excuse me Potter, have I given any indication at all that I care?

*Later that Day*

[Snape summons Draco to his office]

Draco: Sir?

Snape: Sit, Draco.

Snape: Is it true you tripped Potter down the stairs.

Draco: …Yes.

Snape [raises left eyebrow]: Did anyone see you?

Draco [haughtily puts his chin up]: Of course not.

Snape [leans back and smirks]: That’s my boy.

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these-conquered-woodlands · 1 month

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snape: in light of what you did for me today, you can hug me for four to five seconds.

dumbledore: forty-five seconds???

snape: i said FOUR to FIVE seconds-

#severus snape #albus dumbledore #hogwarts professors #hp incorrect quotes #harry potter #professor snape #professor dumbledore

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394halfbloodprince · 1 year

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Severus: I can’t believe all these people are wearing black. Black supposed to be MY thing, they’re all just a bunch of posers.

McGonagall: Severus, for the last time, this is a funeral.

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overheard-at-hogwarts · 1 year

Conversation

[after Harry's first Quidditch match]

Snape: I could've let you die out there; then all of my problems would be over!

Harry: Well, that makes you ugly AND stupid!

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mynameis-noe-body · 8 months

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*Snape coming back to Grimmauld Place after a Death Eaters meeting*

Severus: I have a complete control over myself. I am master of my feelings, I only rely on logical thoughts and I am prefectly good in taking care of my needs.

Molly: ...

Arthur: ...

Lupin: ...

Sirius: ...

Alastor: ...

Tonks: ...

Kingsley: ...

McGonagall: *sigh* Severus, dear. You came back with a frappuccino and fourteen packs of cigarettes. And you've been bleeding for half an hour.

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