Dutch: Alright Y/N, look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t have feelings for Miss O'Shea 😡
Y/N, staring lovingly at Molly from across the camp: i don’t have feelings for Molly.
Dutch, about to blow a fuse: your eyes are nowhere near mine.
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John in RDR1: Dutch, have you completely lost your mind?!
Dutch: Well yeah! Haven't you been paying attention?!
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Arthur, in afterlife: JOHN FRANCIS MARSTON.
John: That's not my middle name-
Arthur: YOU HAD ONE JOB STAY ALIVE DON'T GO FOR REVENGE HAVE I TAUGHT YOU NOTHING
John: I TRIED MY BEST OKAY
Arthur: WELL YOU DIDN'T TRY HARD ENOUGH
Hosea: Boys! It's too late! alright let's just-
Jack Marston appears after dying in a gun fight
Arthur: FOR FUCK'S SAKE
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Random rdr2 headcannons I'm making up on the spot at 2am
Lenny and Sean once kissed while drunk to 'see what it is like' and never talked about it again/denies it happened
Javier once wrote a love song about Tilly in Spanish and now plays it when she's around
Arthur farts a LOT in his sleep
Marybeth writes y/n fanfics
Micah sometimes wets the bed and never admits it
Bill snores like that AUGHHHH sound on tiktok
Arthur and charles stargaze together
Sean says the most horrible unfunny jokes but his laugh when he says it makes it funny
Dutch cannot tolerate spice AT ALL
Bill owns like 50 of the exact same flannel shirt all because trelawney complimented it once
Sean collects his farts in a bottle and when Karen gets mad at him he spends his fart-air on her bed
Hosea is amazing at gymnastics like "wtf how did u do that" amazing
John makes 'the face' when kissing
Hosea HAS to brush his teeth twice a day and if he doesn't he can't do anything the next day
Miss Grimshaw doesn't know how to knit so Marybeth secretly teachers her at night and when she does she doesn't get as many chores the next day
Bill has a teeny-tiny crush on trelawney (vice versa)
Kieran goes to Hosea about his crush for Marybeth
Marybeth goes to Arthur about her crush on kieran
Arthur and Hosea have weekly gossip sessions about camp
Kieran started crying when Marybeth danced with Arthur at Sean's party
Molly tries to read dutchs books but just gets him to rant about them to her instead
Dutch 100% spoils stuff
John, Abigail and jack go on monthly picnics where for the day they cannot argue at all
Dutch threw Arthur in a river to get him to learn to swim and John was so traumatized by what he saw he cannot look at water the same
John has an emotional connection with racoons
There ya go! I'll do more if anyone wants some
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Arthur: Can I plait your hair?
Charles: Sure
Arthur: *Proceeds to make something that looks more like one long knotty mess*
Charles, who doesn't want to hurt his feelings: Well done. It looks great!
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John, in RDR1: Hey Dad! Love the secret lair. *sniffs* The garbage and the smell of madness really bring the whole thing together!
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Random Unhinged Head Canons For John Marston: 🐺
• He used to have a stutter as a kid. But Dutch, Hosea and Arthur helped him to deal with it.
• Definitely a picky eater, only eats meat and drinks alcohol. Probably doesn’t know what lettuce looks/tastes like.
• If he lived in the modern era he would collect souvenir shot glasses everywhere he goes. He’d probably keep them in a little display case too.
• He’d most likely be anti-vax and a Covid denier. The bitch would’ve worn his mask below his nose let’s be honest. 💀
• His favorite genre of music would be 90s grunge and metal. Specifically the bands he’d be into include Nine Inch Nails, Soundgarden, Stone Temple Pilots, and Nirvana (obviously)
• He bought a tattoo machine online and gives himself and his friends shitty tattoos.
• Cuts his own hair because he’s afraid of hairdressers.
• Didn’t graduate high school, but after meeting Abigail he’s influenced to finally get his GED and make a better life for himself and his new family.
• Cry’s watching those sad Sarah Mclachlan ads about abandoned animals.
• Has serious daddy issues, and a major fear of rejection.
• Dyed a section of his hair red when he was 17 and got in trouble for making the bathroom look like a murder scene.
• Is a cat person.
• Should probably be wearing glasses, but he’s convinced all he needs to do is squint to see.
• Favorite flavor is blue raspberry.
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