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tearsoftime0086 · 5 months

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Zero-Sum Escape: A Close Reading of Code Veronica’s Steve Burnside

Introduction + Disclaimers

If you’re a friend/mutual/unfortunate witness to my discovery of Steve Burnside, you might’ve seen this coming. I’ve become an avid enjoyer of the character, which has led to some interesting discussions about him with friends! I’ve decided to write a small (edit: it was supposed to be small) piece on what makes him so interesting, using quotes and cutscenes from the original Code Veronica game. A lot of online discourse around Steve has historically been negative, so I hope this can be a positive primer for folks who want to learn more about him, or even an interesting curio for folks wondering why someone would do such an in-depth read for a one-off character.

This reading will focus strictly on Code Veronica (and not any of the Darkside Chronicles material) – with the full understanding that many aspects of the game are a product of their time, good and bad. I’ll try to cite my evidence as much as possible, but this will obviously be coming from a subjective and modern perspective as a fan of his character! I’m also a fairly new Resident Evil fan, so if anything’s incorrect, please forgive me and let me know! I’d be happy to make edits.

Anyway, this is all in good fun – and to anyone who even reads a single sentence of this, I appreciate your time!

Reference

As a way to “cite” dialogue and cutscenes, I’ll be including rough timestamps to this great video of Code Veronica cutscenes: https://youtu.be/ym46RPHqaSY?si=a6ItTpdOn3rCZq-U. Feel free to follow along, but the text should make sense without the video too.

So, who is this guy, anyway?

Let’s start with the basics. In the game Resident Evil – Code: Veronica (taking place shortly after RE:2), you start as Claire Redfield, recent prisoner of Rockfort Island. Unfortunately, Claire finds herself in the midst of another biohazard outbreak. And what’s worse is that during her escape, a stranger in a watchtower starts shooting at her indiscriminately! (0:05)

When the dust settles, Claire comes face to face with an abrasive teenager named Steve Burnside, a fellow prisoner on the island.

“Uh, sorry about that little misunderstanding…” (0:43)

This, alongside his attempts to be “smooth” – (I mean, who says “Relax beautiful…” unironically?) doesn’t do him any favors for most players. Not to mention his active derision of Claire’s skills – he leaves her with a few choice “tsks” and a “I don’t want you following me, lady. You’ll only slow me down.” (1:30).

This opening scene sets up a few key characteristics for Steve, which I’ll be referencing throughout this piece.

Steve is someone who makes numerous mistakes, ranging from purely accidental to sheer negligence.

Steve puts a heavy emphasis on reliability/dependability. He leaves Claire because he thinks she will “slow [him] down”. We’ll see more examples of his complex with “relying on others” later on.

Where do these traits leave us? A character that ends up being deeply paradoxical, and in my opinion, super fascinating because of it.

“You’ll just end up disappointed if you rely on others”

Claire finds Steve somewhat quickly afterwards, perusing information about her brother, Chris. I think it’s important to recognize Steve’s intent here. If he was purely focused on escaping (and leaving Claire behind), he wouldn’t have bothered looking for any records relating to her. Some folks may argue that he has a crush on Claire already, and is just following teenage impulses. But trust me, there’s more concrete evidence of teenage impulses later. For now, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he was trying to help her out – it ties well with point 2.

Steve’s snooping reveals that Chris is being monitored by Umbrella. Claire immediately takes action, contacting Leon about it. At this point, Steve sarcastically tells her,

“That file shows latitude and longitude of this place. Tch, why don’t you send your brother the coordinates and ask him to come help?” (2:20)

When Claire takes him completely seriously, he becomes prickly.

S: “Hey? I was just kidding? There’s no way he could get here, even if he is your brother.” C: “Yes he can; I’m sure of it.” S: “No way. He won’t come. You’ll just end up disappointed if you rely on others. Believe me, I know!”

Steve’s sudden anger and exit demonstrate how much this topic of “reliability” affects him. He’s vocal about his need for self-reliance – and yet, if we take his investigation in a positive light, it’s not like he’s completely selfish in his attempt to escape Rockfort.

Steve is someone who desperately wants to believe in human reliability, and yet has been spurned due to the circumstances of his imprisonment. We’ll see that he tries to emulate it himself, but unfortunately (and perhaps realistically) falls short.

Yet, what really nurtures this desire is Claire – someone who he can finally depend on. The pair’s next encounter comes when Steve is in trouble (if you’ve seen the “Steve is suffering” memes, it’s from this scene). The player hears him yell a pitiful “Help me!” as he bangs against a locked door – so much for relying on yourself.

If Claire solves the puzzle fast enough, Steve escapes and tells her, “That was too close. But I found something. Thanks to… you.” (3:44).

Thus begins the two’s shaky partnership – and believe me, it’s shaky. Steve runs off yet again, only agreeing to give Claire the essential golden lugers if she trades him something “fully automatic”. But Steve’s obviously on better terms with her now, as seen when he emphatically tells her, “See? This is why you need me. I got your back,” later (5:10). Quite cooperative for someone who was crowing about not relying on others.

In the midst of these scenes is a growing desire to look good to Claire – to be someone she can count on.

The knight fantasy – and bitter reality

Steve ends up describing his own motivation pretty well. Claire finds herself stuck with a nasty Bandersnatch, before Steve dramatically comes to her rescue (more on this in the next section). Afterwards, he eagerly proclaims the following:

S: “Oh yeah, that felt good! Don’t worry Claire, your knight in shining armor is here!” C: “You wish – but thanks for the help.” S: “See? This is why you need me. I got your back.” (4:54)

Steve wants Claire to see him as someone she can rely on – as a self-proclaimed knight to save her from the influx of zombies. It’s why he tells her to wait as he clears out the following area with his “new toy” (6:35). He wants to be the hero who saves the day – Claire might not be able to count on others, but she can sure count on him. He even states it outright afterwards:

“See? You can depend on me.” (6:58)

But maybe this is too blatant of a turn even for him, because he immediately backs off and instead mentions his guns instead:

“You see? This thing is a lot more reliable than any person.” (6:59)

Claire takes immediate suspicion of this, however, and starts to ask questions.

C: “Than people?” S: “…” C: “Steve, what were you doing here? Who brought you here, and where’s your family?” S: “Shut up – I don’t want to talk about it!” *shoots his gun at the wall* C: “Steve…” S: “Never mind. Let’s get going.” (7:04)

Note that he punctures this conversation with an angsty emptying of his gun magazine at the wall. This is no knight – this is volatile, teenage behavior. Claire can tell there’s something on his mind, but Steve doesn’t seem to be in the condition to explain anything.

Steve does the same thing four times – aka, analyzing entrances

As a brief interruption (but it ties into the rest, I promise), let’s take a chance to look at the different ways Steve barges into a cutscene. Humor aside, Steve’s physical actions vary across the four different times he comes to Claire’s “rescue”.

Bandersnatch (4:30)

The first rescue is all cliches and edge. Claire’s “knight in shining armor” breaks through a window dramatically. He shoots at the Bandersnatch without even directly aiming at him, walking forward as he shoots with his dual wielded lugers. It’s almost comical as he walks straight up to the Bandersnatch, delivering a kick and single killing shot for good measure.

It’s all impractical – Steve’s incessant wish to dual wield would hardly be effective in real life, let alone everything else here. But this scene, cliche as it may be, reflects what Steve wants to be in front of Claire. He’s the action hero, the knight – the one who can be counted on to swoop in and save the day.

The Infamous Father Scene (8:13)

These heroics fail him once the two encounter his father. No longer is this a fantasy but bitter reality – and Steve can’t find it in him to shoot his infected dad. It’s only when Claire is in peril that he takes action – and this time, it’s impulsive and rough. He unloads all his ammo in a single, shaking shot, continuing to press the trigger even when it’s all gone.

It’s now that Steve tells Claire the full story – his father was caught trying to sell confidential Umbrella information, leaving his mother dead and the two of them locked up here. He morosely tells Claire, “He was a fool to do something so reckless! So stupid…” (10:15). We can see how much his father’s actions have impacted him – his desire for consistency comes from having his familial life ripped apart by the actions of someone he trusted dearly. And now, at the end of it, he is truly alone – the last one left in his family.

Alfred (11:07)

The next time we find Steve, we see a little bit of the Bandersnatch energy back in him – there’s the same aim, the same kick (to open the door) – but it’s less dramatic this time. There’s no slow-motion focus on shattered glass, no cocky final shot. In fact, this encounter leaves Steve visibly hurt – a crack in his armor. Steve’s still trying to be Claire’s dependable rescuer, and yet this encounter shows that he’s not the infallible knight he wishes to be. Far from it, considering the mistakes he'll make later on.

Alfred in Antarctica (21:30)

This cutscene skips forward a little, but it’s a nice final reminder that Steve does genuinely try his best to protect Claire, and succeeds! We see him take two stylish leaps and then shoot a quick few bullets to rescue her from Alfred. He’s still trying to emulate that knight image, but it’s more efficient than his Bandersnatch moment.

The Flight (and THAT SCENE)

After numerous troubles, Claire and Steve are finally able to escape the island. Needless to say, they’re elated and exhausted. Now that the coast is clear, Steve decides to get honest with Claire and apologize:

S: “Claire, I’m sorry. I know I caused a lot of trouble for you.” C: “No; it’s okay. It was hard for both of us.” S: “Well, I really hope you find your brother. I… I know what it’s like to be alone.” C: “Oh Steve…” S: *coughs awkwardly* “So, where should we go now? I can take you anywhere you want to go, Claire.” C: *laughs* “I hear Hawaii’s nice this time of year.” S: “You got it!” (14:20)

(On a personal note, isn’t this scene so cute? If only this was how it all ended…)

It’s here that Steve bares his heart to Claire. It’s clear that his mishaps and snarky remarks have been weighing on him too – he genuinely wants the best for her. When Claire is all too accepting and sympathetic, however, Steve begins to reveal his feelings (in… controversial ways).

After they find out that the plane is out of their control, the two of them take an uneasy rest. In the cutscene at 16:12, we find Claire leaning on Steve – a physical sign of how she relies on him. As if to follow his teenage impulses, Steve leans in for a kiss – only to startle as Claire begins to wake. His notion is thwarted immediately. Steve stands up,leans on the glass, slams the window and sighs.It shows signs of a “what was I thinking?” moment of clarity.

After all, kissing princesses in their sleep is something knights do in fairy tales. And Steve? Well, he’s no knight. He’s someone who’s almost hindered Claire’s escape as much as he’s helped, and he knows that. This thought is only exacerbated with his actions upon their arrival in Antarctica.

Antarctica, where more mistakes ensue

The plane decides to violently crashes into the side of the Umbrella Antarctica base. Steve kicks the door down and jumps first, reaching his arms out to catch Claire. She lands after, only to stumble and leave them both on the ground. Steve pulls her into a hug, which Claire doesn’t quite reciprocate. As she stands up, Steve lays back flat on the floor, sighing. It’s clear he’s jumped the gun, and it leaves him embarrassed. He doesn’t take Claire’s hand back up and tells her that they should split up to try and find a way out (18:55).

Steve’s love causes another mistake shortly after. The two of them try to break through the base wall with a digging vehicle, only for Steve to get distracted by Claire midway through. This causes a toxic gas pipe to burst – interestingly Steve tries to correct it through the controls – perhaps a reflection of his desires and fantasies for an “undo”. But in reality, he can’t undo his mistakes, and Claire is forced to grab him and leave the area.

This last mistake hits Steve particularly hard:

S: “It’s all my fault…” C: “Don’t say that. Listen to me – we’ll escape from here, together.” C: “Come on, we’ve got to shut off the gas. If we split up, we’ll have a better chance of stopping it.” S: *sighs* “…Okay.” C: “Steve. Don’t forget. We’ll get out of here. Together.” (20:45)

It’s not as if Steve is blind to his own faults – he knows that he’s been the one hindering their escape and takes it particularly hard. Claire has to reassure him multiple times that they’re working as a team to get out of here.

As a further blow to his ego, Steve is completely useless when the two exit the base and encounter Nosferatu, previous Alexander Ashford. Claire notices Nosferatu first, but Steve forces himself ahead of her soon after. He’s still clinging to the need to protect her.

However, Nosferatu easily knocks him off the platform, leaving him clinging to the side. Steve’s at his lowest here, and urges Claire to just leave him behind. If he can’t protect her, then what use is he?”

C: “Hold on, I’ll waste that monster and come back.” S: “Claire, forget about me. Run!” (23:50)

Claire’s resourcefulness and skill allow her to defeat Nosferatu and come back to Steve, still weakly hanging on. She pulls him back up, and Steve is left apologizing again for his rash behavior:

S: “I’m sorry. I failed you.” C: “Don’t worry about it. Let’s go.” *she leaves* S: “I swear I’ll protect you next time, Claire.” (25:15)

At this point, Steve’s all too aware of how his mistakes have left both of them in peril. It’s something that he deeply dislikes – as someone who wants to be dependable, he’s being a poor show of it. Claire’s been the one helping him out through most of this, both emotionally and physically. And so he makes himself a promise that next time, he’ll repay the favor.

It’s with this personal promise that the two climb aboard a snowmobile, hoping that they can make it to the Australia base. Unfortunately, this escape is a dead-end for them as well.

Sleep, weary knight

After Alexia awakens and destroys the snowmobile, Claire is rescued by Chris, who managed to find a way to Antarctica. She’s insistent that they must rescue Steve. She finds him cuffed to a chair in a long hallway, with an axe against his throat.

To Claire’s dismay, it seems she’s too late. Alexia has injected Steve with the t-Veronica virus. Steve’s last words before his transformation are a desperate plea for help. At this point, he’s actively asking for help from the one he loves, but fate has it that Claire is powerless. He begs Claire to save him, but she can only watch in despair as he morphs and chases after her.

In what seems to be a miracle of love, Steve manages to snap out of it just before he lands the killing blow. He instead slashes through Alexia’s entrapping vines, sparking her ire and a fatal blow to his chest. He dies in Claire’s arms, once again in human form, lamenting how he couldn’t protect her – how he couldn’t be her knight:

C: “Oh Steve…” S: *brings Claire’s hand to his cheek* “You’re… warm…” C: “Steve, you’ve got to hang in there, okay? My brother’s come to save us. We’re getting out of here!” S: “Your brother kept his promise. I’m sorry I cannot…” C: “What? What are you saying?” S: “I’m glad that I met you… I…. I love you… Claire…” C: “Steve? Steve?! Steve!” (34:15)

To players who dislike Steve, this may be a cheesy ending to a tedious character. And yet – we see Steve’s character arc complete fully in this final scene. No longer is he a volatile teenager, or a “cool” hero, or a self-perceived deadweight. He’s just Steve – utterly human Steve, who couldn’t keep his promise, and yet saved Claire in his own way. And it’s in these final, human, moments that he can confess his true feelings – only for everything – his façades, his love, everything – to all vanish.

The arm theory

As a somewhat lighter ending to this post, I’d like to discuss a little theory of mine.

People who have been following along with all the cutscenes might have noticed Steve’s right arm getting injured during the fight with Alfred. There’s no visual effect on his model, and Steve even claims, “I’m fine; it’s just a scratch” (11:30). And yet I’m convinced that it was quite a serious wound.

Note that he continues clinging to the platform in the Nosferatu battle with his left hand (24:40), not his right. Yet he keeps clutching his right arm in the cutscene after (25:44). And more importantly, Claire is the one driving the snowmobile during their escape attempt, after Steve had taken the wheel so many times prior (25:59). My theory is that the deterioration of his right arm is also why the arm is significantly skinnier upon his final transformation. If you look super closely at the bottom of the screen, you can actually see his right hand convulse as he mutates! Does this imply anything? Not really. But it would be cool to see this brought back somehow in a hypothetical remake, especially as Darkside Chronicles skipped these parts entirely. Kind of reminds me of another Resident Evil character who had arm injuries…

Anyway, if anyone made it this far, thank you! I hope this was a little insight into why I appreciate Steve so much as a character – and maybe in my wildest dreams, made you potentially enjoy him too.

#resident evil #resident evil: code veronica #recv #steve burnside #claire redfield #bits and baubles #temporary brainworm tag #aka my long meta post for steve that I hope did him justice

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poisonous-honey · 3 months

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Hello hello! I deleted some of my other blogs and will slowly re-upload the fics and drabbles I made here. I hated having everything separated, this is just my attempt to make navigation less confusing for me. Also, so I can tag everything properly from the beginning lol

Website Master list/To Be Uploaded

Mobile Friendly Version under the cut (Work In Progress. Some links won't work I think, I just copy-pasted from my other page)

Masterlist - Word Wall

Hello! You found the word wall :) I’m using this as both a master list to stay organized and to keep track of what I haven’t finished yet.

If there’s no link, it hasn’t been uploaded. If you can’t find it, it might be in a collection page. If it’s neither then send an ask, I forgot lmao.

Genshin

Honestly assume it’s SAGAU unless stated otherwise

3.3 Tier List Mayhem

Scaramouche- I guess you should say Wanderer, has finally been released, and you’ve used him all week. After you’ve basically drowned yourself in content surrounding him after the Sumeru Interlude Quest you feel an update to your tier list is in order

36-Stars Of Jealousy

After a year worth of grinding you’ve finally conquered it, but at the cost of Venti’s exclusion. He should be happy for you, but can’t break away from his seething jealousy and sadness.

Cats On Crack (Collection)

Luck never seems to be on your side. You always seem to end up helping other unlucky souls on their own journey, as if fate itself thought it was your job to be a substitute guardian angel. Maybe that’s why you find yourself standing in front of a group of cats protecting one of their injured. It doesn’t matter if it’s Lady Luck or the Goddess of Fate condemning you to this role, but you hope they step on a Lego Brick. (Not SAGAU)

The Cruel Act Of Breaking The World

They try their hardest to keep you entertained. To keep you within their realm of ones and zeros, so your immersion doesn’t fall, and their mind doesn’t shatter. They know their walls are fake and lives are merely code, but that doesn’t make seeing the out-of-bounds any less harsh.

Fontaine Is Committing Childe Slander FR

Childe’s treatment in the Fontaine Archon Quests puts you in a terrible mood

Garden Of Eden

The world has ended and there was nothing they could do about it. Xiao and Aether share a quiet moment in a sea of flowers. (God Reader || Not SAGAU || Reader Isn't Even Physically Present In It)

Genshin Is Crossing Over (Collection)

Where all the crossover fics are kept (i.e. The Venti Parable, Does Having Animal Ears Make You A Pokémon etc.)

Genshin Incorrect Quotes (Collection)

Silly and crack. Basically what the title says.

In The Abyss We Learn To Worship

Why does Childe seem to be your most devoted acolyte, even surpassing that of the Archons? (KINDA CULT AU (ALSO OLD))

Irodori Festival

Little blob!

Just Unbuilt, Or Am I Unwanted?

As you try to improve Xiao’s build for the 100th time, some of the others finally lose their patience

Losing Your 50/50

An ask by Coldbarbarianpeace!

Nahida’s Precious Tailor

The little lord of Sumeru calls upon your aid as she wishes for a wardrobe change.

Naming Wanderer Something Silly

An ask by Anonymous!

SAGAU Darling That’s Been To Other Games

What if for the SAGAU Darling doesn’t end up in Genshin first, but in a different game. Or maybe they were in multiple different games before they landed in Genshin. (HAS IMPOSTER AU IN IT (AND OLD))

Skipping Dialogue

What do the characters do when they find out you’re not paying attention?

Soul Crushing Guilt

The Knowledge That You’ve Been Controlling Real People With Thoughts And Feelings Has You At A Loss

Twins In SAGAU

For the self-aware Genshin AU there have been some slices where Darling has a twin and the twin either isn’t respected as much or in the villain au they’re treated as the imposter. That’s cool and all, but what if the twin worked for Mihoyo (OLD)

Why Are Their Designs So Complicated???

You thought Kaveh would be an easier character to draw. At a glance, his outfit is much simpler than a majority of the casts, so you thought he’d be a safe pick for fanart. How wrong you were.

(18+)

Honkai Star Rail

Losing Your 50/50

An ask by Coldbarbarianpeace!

#Pois.Posts #i just need to remember when i wrote all of it #some are easy to guess #some not so much unfortunately #might've done me good to write the dates down before i deleted everything #:qiqi-has-fallen:#Since my blog theme is freaking out and I remembered they don't even work on the app anyway #I'm adding this here so my to-do list is still accessible #masterlist

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thenumbersgameif · 2 years

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The Numbers Game Incorrect Quote -- Part 2

Zero: One got into a fight.

Three: That’s bad.

Three:

Three: Did they win?

______________________

Zero Remember! Curiosity killed the cat!

One: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Four, go find out if that thing can catch fire!

Zero: You're a bad influence.

One: And you don't know your sayings.

______________________

One: Define “dream”.

Three: Dream - the first thing people abandon when they learn how the world works.

Zero: That’s too dark!

______________________

Three: I lost One.

Zero: How did you LOSE ONE?!

Three: To be fair, they are very small.

______________________

Zero: One and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us.

Three: What did you do?

Zero: They chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and-

One: *walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?

______________________

Zero, trying to impress Four: I re-initialized the entire command structure, retaining all programmed abilities but deleting the supplementary preference architecture.

Three: They turned it off and back on again.

______________________

Zero: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically.

One: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes.

Three: Self care is stealing someones birthday cake just to eat the frosting.

One: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

______________________

Three: One! What did I tell you about lying?

One, looking down: ...That it only works on Zero.

______________________

Three: Which way did Four go?

One: Well, based on the direction of the wind, the broken sticks in the corner, and the slight disturbance in the dirt, I'd guess they went left.

Zero: You could really figure it out from that?

One: No, you idiot, Four sent me a text. See?

______________________

Zero: Three isn't talking to me.

One: Enjoy it while it lasts.

______________________

Zero: Why would anyone want to harm One?

Three: Maybe because they met them?

______________________

Zero: Yesterday, I overheard Four saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and One replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

______________________

One: We’re about to do the taser challenge. You want in?

Zero: What's the taser challenge?

One: We tase each other, then drink.

Zero: How do you win?

One: What are you, a lawyer? You want in or not?

______________________

Four: Well, has Three been wrong before?

One: How wide are we willing to open this up?

______________________

Three: One, get that hideous thing out of the living room, would you?

One: Four, Three wants you to get out of the house.

______________________

Zero: I hope you have an explanation for this.

Four: We have three actually-

One: Pick your favorite.

______________________

Four: One doesn’t look very happy.

Three: That's their happy. They're just a bitch.

______________________

Zero: I think Four is in trouble.

One: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I’m honest.

______________________

Four, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs?

One: It means like in hand-to-hand combat.

Four: Ohhhh-

Zero: Both of you get out of this kitchen.

______________________

Three: Do you cook?

Zero: I made a cake once.

One: Yeah, it was good.

Zero: Really?

One: Don’t make me lie twice, Zero.

______________________

One, to Four: You know, the target can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching.

One: *blows airhorn at the target* GET FUCKED!

______________________

Four, holding a rock: Zero just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock".

Three: If you don't marry them, I will.

______________________

One: So, are you two dating now?

Zero & Four: Yes.

One: Why?

Four: I happen to find Zero very appealing.

One: Yeah, I can understand that. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with Zero.

______________________

Zero: One, I am questioning your sanity...

Three: I never questioned it, I knew their sanity was missing from the start.

______________________

Zero: Can we talk about that mass email you sent?

One: Why? It was important.

Three: All it says is, "I'm back on my shit".

One, shrugging: The people need to know.

______________________

One: Uh, I think I got your lunch. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘I am very proud of you. Love, Zero’*

Three: Oh yeah. I didn’t think this was for me. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘Be good. For the love of God, Please be good.’*

______________________

Four, about One: Zero, they're an asshole! They have purposely stabbed you on more than one occasion!

Zero: Some of those stabbings were accidental!

Four:

Zero: Okay, well, I know for a fact the third time was accidental.

______________________

Three: What’s it like being tall?

Three: Is it nice?

Three: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

Zero: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.

One: It was one time!

______________________

Four: Is One always like this when they lose?

Three: Oh, yes. You should've been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum of 2020.

One: You bumped that table and you know it!

______________________

One: If you think you’re unattractive, just look into the mirror. Now you know you’re unattractive. Education.

______________________

Three: Would you slap Four-

One: Yes.

Three: I didn't even finish!

One: Sorry, continue.

Three: Would you slap Four for 10 dollars?

One: I would do it for free.

Four: Rude...

______________________

One: I was crying for three hours! And neither one of you offered me a hug!

Zero: Alright, bring it in.

One: Don’t fucking touch me!

Three: *Under their breath* This is why nobody hugs you.

______________________

Three: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

______________________

Four: I got arrested for being too cool.

One: The charges were dropped because there was no supporting evidence.

______________________

Three: Zero, I need relationship advice.

Zero: Just cause I married Four doesn't mean I know how I did it-

______________________

Zero: Look, we don't want any trouble.

One: I do.

______________________

Three: I’m sad.

Zero: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay.

Four: I’m sad.

One, nodding: mood.

______________________

One: NOW SAY YOU'RE FUCKING SORRY!

Zero: I'M SORRY!

One: AND WHAT ARE YOU SORRY FOR?!

Zero: FOR SAYING THAT YOU'RE AGGRESSIVE!

______________________

Boss, discussing the team: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.

Three: On purpose?

Zero: Are we stealing them?

One: New or used?

Boss: Wonderful responses, the lot of you.

______________________

Someone: Wait, I thought you were straight?

Three: ...

Three: Please tell me what on God's green earth I did to make you think I was straight so I can never do it again.

______________________

Four: One says “I love you” weird.

Three: How?

Four: Watch this. One, I love you.

One: I’d kill for you.

______________________

Three: I’m having second thoughts.

One: You had a first thought?

______________________

One: one of my idiots is mad at me.

Four: one of your... do you mean Three and Zero?

One: that’s what i said.

______________________

Three: have I ever told you that you cook well?

Zero: aw, no you haven’t :)

Three: so why do you keep cooking

______________________

One: I hope you have the day you deserve

Four:

Four: is that supposed to be a threat or a compliment?

One: I think you know

______________________

Zero: You will simply have to trust us

Three: Remember to chisel that into my tombstone.

______________________

One: Zero is a good person. They’ve got a good heart. They don’t hold a grudge. That's what they have me for.

______________________

Three: Zero-

One: You love us, right?

Zero: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

______________________

One: I have an idea, but I'm going to need your permission.

Zero: Since when you need my permission?

One: Because if I mess it up, I don't want it to be just my fault.

______________________

Zero: I don't struggle with anxiety, it actually comes very easily to me.

______________________

Zero: Are you ready to commit?

One: A crime or a relationship?

______________________

Three: I've worked with professionals, mercenaries, grunts from many evil organizations... and yet no one's behaviour has been as utterly confusing as yours.

Zero: Thank you!

Three: It's not a compliment.

#if: the numbers game #ro: zero #ro: three #ro: one #TNG: memes #TNG: IQs

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nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius · 2 years

Text

Incorrect Quotes, Part 14

Reva: Can we talk about that mass email you sent? Eighth: Why? It was important. Reva: All it says is, "I'm back on my shit". Seventh, shrugging: The people need to know.

Fifth: Ew. What kind of tea is this? Seventh: I boiled gatorade.

Reva: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically. Seventh: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. Self care is the fear in your enemies' eyes. Shiri: Self care is stealing someones birthday cake just to eat the frosting. Seventh: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

Fifth: HELP! I TOLD SHIRI I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK! Eighth, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Eighth: I have a philosophy in life; if the seat is open, the job is open. That’s how I came to briefly drive a Formula 1 car.

Seventh: Oooh, a train! Shiri: We’re in a train station, Seventh.

Fifth: The Grand Inquisitor said it's my turn with the brain cell. Eighth: Square up.

Fifth, looking at his reflection: Now, that's rubbish. Who's that supposed to be? Shiri: Well, that's you. Fifth: Me?! Is that what I look like? Shiri: You don't know? Fifth: Busy day.

Reva: You read my diary? Eighth: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

Seventh, trying to impress Shiri: I re-initialized the entire command structure, retaining all programmed abilities but deleting the supplementary preference architecture. Reva: She turned it off and back on again.

Shiri: I'm going the fight the next person who insults The Grand Inquisitor. The Grand Inquisitor: I hate myself. Shiri: Alright, square up.

Seventh: If I was married to you I would put poison in your coffee. The Grand Inquisitor: If I was married to you I’d drink it.

Fifth: I’m afraid of clowns. There, I said it. Reva: Fifth, if you don't like clowns, why are you hanging with Seventh?

Reva: Where did you get that tomato soup? Fifth: It’s actually a bowl of ketchup I just microwaved.

Seventh: Do you ever feel bugs on you when really there’s nothing there? Eighth: Those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before. Seventh: Seventh: *sobs* Shiri: You fucking scared her, you idiot.

Fifth: If looking good was a crime, you'd be a law-abiding citizen.

Eighth: Shh, here comes Reva! Seventh: Quick, Shiri, start talking about boring nerd stuff! Shiri: You know, nerd culture is mainstream now, so when you use the word “nerd” derogatorily, it means you’re the one that’s out of the zeitgeist. Seventh: Yes, that’s perfect. Just like that.

Eighth: Ugh, there’s always that weak bitch in the group who isn’t down with murder. Eighth: *glares at Reva* Reva: Well, sorry I have morals!

Fifth: If you could guess, how many brain cells do you have? Seventh: Dorito’s cool ranch. Fifth: Fifth: I'm just gonna assume zero for now. Seventh: I love that song.

Fifth: Shiri- Shiri: *sighs* The Grand Inquisitor used to call me Shiri... Fifth: ...Because it's your fucking name.

Seventh: Hey Reva? Reva: Yeah? Seventh: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false? Reva: Reva: ...What.

Fifth: Make no mistake. Not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight. Seventh: But are you shuffling? Fifth: Everyday. Reva: What language are you two speaking??

Eighth: I’m proud to say I’ve come over my fear of ghosts! Shiri: Eyy, that’s the spirit! Eighth: *gasps* whErE???!!!??

The Grand Inquisitor: *Stubs his toe* FUCK! Shiri: Mind your language! The Grand Inquisitor: What else am I supposed to say, "Woe is I"??? Shiri: The Grand Inquisitor: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

Shiri: I have a bad feeling about this... Reva: What do you mean? Shiri: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble? Reva: No? Seventh: That actually explains so much.

Shiri: What did you two do? Eighth: Seventh: Shiri: You’re not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to the police again or not.

The Grand Inquisitor, to the squad: And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you’re doing it all wrong.

Shiri: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

Eighth: Okay, if we can't do it by sheer force, we'll do it my way. Shiri: But your way is sheer force!

Shiri: Did you win? Or just not die? Shiri: Either way, hooray. The Grand Inquisitor: ...Is "no" a valid answer? Shiri: The hooray is redacted and you frighten me.

Eighth: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming? The Grand Inquisitor: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"? Fifth: Ya know... it might be.

Seventh: Here is my wall of inspirational people. Fifth: Is that a picture of you? Seventh: Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.

Reva: You’re drunk. Seventh: Correction: drinking. Present tense. Grammar, Reva.

Shiri: I'm going to fight the next person who insults The Grand Inquisitor. The Grand Inquisitor: I hate myself. Shiri: Alright, square up.

Eighth: That sounds super! Doesn’t that sound super, Grand Inquisitor? The Grand Inquisitor: No. Eighth: I think I speak for The Grand Inquisitor when I say it sounds really super.

Fifth: They made Seventh cry! The Grand Inquisitor: Seventh always cries! Seventh: That's not true! *cries*

The Grand Inquisitor: Eighth, what do you have? Eighth: A KNIFE! The Grand Inquisitor: Okay, have fu- Shiri: NO!

Reva: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare. The Grand Inquisitor: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great. Reva: Not when you’re playing with Shiri, it’s not. She puts words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog.”

Shiri: Whose turn is it to give the pep-talk? The Grand Inquisitor: *sighing* Eighth’s. Eighth: Fuck shit up out there, but don’t die. Fifth: *wiping away a tear* Inspirational.

Shiri: *talking about The Grand Inquisitor’s funeral* You do know we’re burying a great person today! Seventh, shocked: Did someone else die?

Reva: Would you like your pizza cut into six or eight slices, Eighth? Eighth: Oh just six, I don’t think I could eat eight.

The Grand Inquisitor: *speaking Utapese* Shiri: I know, I know. Eighth: You speak Utapese? Shiri: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language The Grand Inquisitor speaks.

#incorrect quotes #inquisitorius #shiri stuff #the pizza one came out like that first try and i DIED

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loregoddess · 2 years

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what's the incorrect loz citation 👀

I apologize for the essay, the shortest answer is Jerrin is listed as a Hylian w/ dubious citations to “prove” this, but there isn’t actually any evidence outright supports the listing. For the long answer, including my rebuff evidence:

So the listing may not be incorrect, but it comes off as wild conjecture that shouldn’t be listed as fact: Jerrin's wiki page on the main LoZ wiki, which for some reason lists her as a Hylian, cites something she says in-game, and page 101 of Creating a Champion.

Now, the first citation I think was just a misunderstanding, since the quote is Jerrin talking about her "magical Sheikah nose implant" which I think whoever was using this as a citation took to mean that Jerrin wasn't a Sheikah and needed to use Sheikah tech to enhance her sense of smell, but I'm fairly certain the way Sheikah is used in the quote is actually just a descriptor for the origin of the technology, the way that "Sheikah technology" is just generally used throughout BotW.

The second citation leads to the first page of the Sheikah section in Creating a Champion, which just gives a general overview to the Sheikah as they're portrayed in BotW, and I assume the person citing this page was possibly referring to the "[Sheikah] are characterized by their white hair." sentence at the end of the description. Which like, Rola of the arrow shop in Kakariko is also listed as being Hylian on the wiki, for the same reason, but Jerrin's hair isn't really that far off of white (and Skyward Sword Impa’s hair was actually about the same color as Jerrin’s), and it's kinda weird to assume there is zero hair color variation, considering the Gerudo, who historically have only ever had bright red hair in-game, are also shown to have hair color/shade variation in BotW (which could be written off by the fact that the Gerudo in BotW have to go out to find partners to have kids, but this still wouldn't explain how they managed to remain dark-skinned and red-haired all throughout their history leading up to BotW, and yes I know the answer to that is "Nintendo hates consistency and doesn't care about lore and is also racist when it comes to the Gerudo").

Now, I'm willing to grant leeway to the idea that Rola might be Hylian (although personally I think she’s Sheikah, and I find it mildly suspicious to immediately assume she can’t be Sheikah), even though her wearing the traditional Sheikah clothing contradicts something one of the travelling NPCs (I think it was Celessa, but I can't find the quote I'm thinking of) says about the Sheikah not allowing anyone from outside the tribe to wear their traditional clothes. But Jerrin is probably a Sheikah, and I am basing this mainly off of Robbie's journal, which states that she was trained by Purah, and then sent to assist Robbie by Impa (page 8 of Robbie's Memoirs). Considering that Purah's current assistant is Sheikah, and that I seem to recall Purah saying something about Impa sending her assistants from Kakariko (again, I can’t find the exact quote or journal entry atm), and more importantly that basically no Hylians aside from Zelda are shown to have any interest in studying or researching Sheikah tech, and also that traditionally, the Shaikah have always been somewhat of a closed society (outright so in past games, and implied in BotW by the fact that Pikango is treated w/ suspicion despite having been born in Kakariko, because he was absent from the village for so long), it just seems more logical to assume that Jerrin is Sheikah, was probably born in Kakariko, trained with Purah, and went to work w/ Robbie and eventually marry him.

Now, I’m all for the idea that Sheikah and Hylians intermarried at points in history, and hell, even in the LoZ universe this idea isn’t unheard of (re: the Gerudo; the fact that the Sheikah court poet who became Kass’s mentor was in love with Zelda; also the Zora are implied to occasionally fall in love w/ Hylians and given how okay King Dorephan was with Mipha proposing to Link, I’d say there’s a good possibility Zoras and Hylians have married in the past; possibly the Rito given that one of the WW Rito was said to be born on Windfall Island but that actually is wild speculation on my part). It’s just...there’s not enough in-game evidence for me to believe Jerrin is Hylian.

Zeldapedia, which is no longer treated as one of the main Zelda wikis, having been merged with the main wiki but is still up for viewing purposes, interestingly lists both Jerrin and Rola as Sheikah.

So like, I’m not saying the citations are outright false information, but they’re not definitive in any way and are more based on how one chooses to interpret them, and listing Jerrin as a Hylian just seems misleading since there is no in-game or supporting materials’ evidence that definitively states she’s Hylian, but there is evidence to suggest she’s Sheikah, and so the “Jerrin is Hylian” comes off as wild mass speculation and it bugs me that it’s listed like a fact on her wiki page.

Why do I care so much about Jerrin? I dunno! But I do. (Probably bc her son, Granté, became one of my favorite characters bc I can’t play a game w/out getting attached to a random NPC w/ little to no game relevance or backstory).

#bobthebobking #I am so sorry this is really long #the listing and citations are literally just pet peeves for me #no one even cares about this character or her family so it's not like there's any weird fan-content being produced on the incorrect fact #but I am SO steamed about it regardless #I know they don't matter #I know this I really do #but I have a lot of love for the characters for WHATEVER reason and so here I am #I still don't have an ask tag

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