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#incorrect redhood
nananabatfam · 2 months ago
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Store Worker: Would a Mr. Dick please come to the front desk?
Dick, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker, pointing to Jason and Tim: I believe they belong to you?
Jason and Tim, simultaneously: We got lost :(
Dick: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-
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headcanonthings · 7 days ago
Dick: The child of a mermaid and a centaur has a one in four chance of being a normal human.
Jason: And a one in four chance of being a seahorse.
Bruce: I’m glad we remembered out Punnet Squares.
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idunnodudeijustwokeup · 10 months ago
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*someone pointing a gun at Damian’s head*
Damian: “ pull the trigger”
Goon holding the gun: “ you want me to shoot you?”
Damian: “ I wasn’t talking to you coward”
Jason: *shoots goon*
Jason: “ Why do you have to be so dramatic? Is it Bruce’s fault? What am I saying ofc it’s Bruce’s fault.”
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harveyb-wabbit92 · a month ago
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(A customer comes to the help desk, looking upset.)
Customer: My daughter’s teacher assigned this book. It’s totally inappropriate for a twelve-year-old! I was hoping you could suggest something else.
Jason: What’s the book, ma’am?
Customer: I don’t want to say the name out loud. There are children present.
(The customer hands over the assigned reading list. The book is ‘Moby Dick’.)
Jason: It’s not a dirty book, ma’am. Moby Dick is a story about a man and his hunt to kill an elusive white whale. It’s actually rather good. I read it when I was about your daughter’s age.
Customer: Well, they should name it something different. You should tell the author person he needs to change the name.
Jason: Right, I’ll just the break out the ol’ Ouija board and tell Herman Melville to change the title...
(the woman glares at Jason who glares right back, the two have a stare down before the lady realizes Jason isn’t gonna bend to her will and sulks away... later Jason telling the story to Roy and Kori)
Jason: Like what the hell did she expect me to do? Go talk to the teacher if you’re uncomfortable with whatever book your kid is reading, not some random clerk working at Wayne-mart!
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quakywakey · 3 months ago
"Can I be Robin?"
Jason: Hey Rachel have you seen my suit?
Rachel: No, has it gone missing?
Jason: Yeah. Any clue where it could be?
Rachel: Why would I know that? It’s your suit after all. Have you asked Dick?
Jason: Yeah, he doesn’t know either, same with Kory. I’ll go check with Gar, you seen him?
Rachel: (peers behind the couch)
Gar: (wearing Jason’s suit and hiding behind the couch.) I am vengeance.
Rachel: No.
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heavenbessie · a month ago
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dick: okay, jason, i need you to swear-
jason: fuck you
dick:
jason:
dick: no, i mean like, promise
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hopelesslylaizygurl · 10 months ago
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Jason*makes a delicious breakfast*
Dick:Any chance that that's for me?
Jason:Nah, it's for Bruce. l'm planning on making bad choices tonight and I need him on my side.
Tim:I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment
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dick-nightwing-grayson · 2 months ago
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Dick: I spy with my little eye something that starts with an 'S'
Jason: *Looks at Tim and Konner"
Jason: Is it sexual tension?
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nananabatfam · 2 months ago
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Bruce, tired dad: I’ll buy lunch for whoever's first to get Damian to calm down and put the sword down.
Jason, holding up a frying pan: Don’t worry I got this, where is he?
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batnations · 23 days ago
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Selina: What’s the easiest way to steal a man’s wallet?
Damian: Knife to the throat?
Jason: Gun to the back?
Cassandra: Poison in his cup?
Bruce, shaking his head while pinching the bridge of his nose: Stop giving them ideas, Sel.
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headcanonthings · 2 days ago
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Tim: I like murder mysteries. Jason, trying to impress him: I killed a man once. Tim: Murder mysteries. Jason: I might’ve killed a man once.
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escapenightmare · 6 months ago
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Jason : Do you think it’s too late for us to change our names and flee the country?
Y/N: At this point, I don’t think it would do us much good anyway.
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harveyb-wabbit92 · a month ago
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(Batfam Retail A: Due to a power outage Wayne-mart had to close before the morning shift. The lights were all out and there were 2 big shoddy cardboard signs scotched taped to the windows “CLOSED, NO POWER, SORRY!”.  Jason’s watching his co-workers doing some cleaning, playing on their phones and just talking while waiting around for their rides, When he notices a lady trying to pull the door open, she sees Jason watching and waves him over he opens the door just enough for his head to come out and talks to her ]
Jason: I’m sorry, ma’am, there is a power outage. We’re closed.
Woman: Does that mean I can come in?
{She tries shove passed him, Jason blocks her.]
Jason: “No. ‘Closed’ means you can’t come in.”
[the woman looks like she just sucked four lemons out of a donkey’s butt.]
Woman: *snotty tone* Then how come THEY’RE allowed in?
*She points to Roy and Stephanie who are wearing the store uniforms.*
Jason: Uh… they work here.
Woman: *leaves angrily*
{Roy and Steph who heard everything look at Jason like “what the hell?’ and he just shrugs and locks the door.]
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