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mindflayer-inc · 29 days

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Batman AU

Batman tells Gordon that he doesn't kill. Thinking that it's a legality issue, Gordon deputizes Batman and gives him a gun and badge. Batman of course doesn't use the gun and just figures Gordon is stressed.

After Joker kills a Robin, Gordon starts to deputize the Batfam members.

Gordon: Next time you see that clown. Take. The. Shot. Rookie.

Robin (Tim, tiny ass 14 year old holding a 45 magnum): Umm... Yes sir?

Batman (plus all the Rogues, minions, and citizens of Gotham when Robin shows up with a 45 Magnum):

#incorrect quotes #batman #batfam #robin #commissioner gordon #bruce wayne #tim drake #joker would probably find it funny #riddler would call cps #random thugs would give batman shit for “giving” robin a gun #yeah 45 magnum isnt standard issue but its funnier if it was

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incorrectbatfamandfriends · 3 months

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Riddler: Riddle me this boy-

Riddler: Batman?

Batman!Dick: Yes?

Riddler: Who the fuck is this?

Batman!Dick: This is Robin.

Riddler: Obviously. But he’s different. He’s all scowly. Where’s the fun one, who likes my riddles?

Batman!Dick: He’s taking some PTO. Can we get on with this?

Riddler: No.

Batman!Dick: What? Why not!

Riddler: Well I would but it wouldn’t be very fair. See the riddles I had for tonight were kind of specific to a couple of past games me and the other one had done.

Batman!Dick: What you never did that for me when I was Robin-

Riddler: Yes well it just wasn’t as fun with you.

Batman!Dick: So what, are you going to just let the hostages go?

Riddler: Well I guess. I’ll have to come up with something different, we can reschedule.

Batman!Dick: So what, do we just take you back to Arkham or-

Riddler: *shrugs* That’s fine. I’ll just table this one for when he gets back.

#incorrect batfam #incorrect batfamily quotes #batfam #batfamily #tim drake #red robin #dick grayson #nightwing #robin #damian wayne #the riddler #gotham rogues #Damian was very confused

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ahfrickenfrick · 1 month

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duke: *delirious after his first serious concussion + pain meds* what would the riddler be called if he played a string instrument

tim: uh, probably like music master or something like th-

duke: fiddler

tim: what?

duke: *grabs tims shoulders and shakes him* the fiddler

#duke my beloved #duke thomas #tim drake #dc comics #batman #dc #batfamily #red robin #signal #incorrect batfamily quotes #i thkught of this and didn’t stop giggling tbh #i in fact have the humor of a 12 year old boy #the riddler

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angelofthenight · 3 months

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Ed: My (s/o)’s been listening to these true crime podcasts and now they know too much

Ed: they just said,

You: “bodies don’t float if you puncture the lungs”

Ed: So if I go missing TELL THE COPS THEY DID IT

#source: twitter #edward nygma x reader #edward nygma imagine #edward nygma #the riddler x reader #the riddler #riddler x reader #riddler #gotham x reader #gotham #gotham imagine #gotham incorrect quotes #incorrect gotham quotes #incorrect quotes #reader insert

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thequeenofuselessinformation · 9 months

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I'm alive but only ironically.

Twt op cr: @FranziaMom

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whats-those · 4 months

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Gotham (Nygmobblepot) + text posts part 10!

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8] [part 9] [part 11] [part 12] [part 13] [part 14]

#gotham #nygmobblepot #riddlebird #edward nygma #oswald cobblepot #the riddler #the penguin #batman #incorrect quotes #gotham incorrect quotes #nygmobblepot incorrect quotes #whats those post

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scarletembers04 · 8 months

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I would watch it

#gotham tv #edward nygma #the riddler #gotham memes #gotham incorrect quotes #gotham fox #gotham riddler #gotham

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timdrakesbowlcut · 2 months

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Riddler: “Arresting me?! On pride month batman?! For shame..”

Tim: “I got this Batman.”

Riddler: “Damn bisxeuals.”

#batfam #batman #red robin #tim drake #the riddler #incorrect batfamily quotes

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theaceofarrows · 8 months

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Riddler goon: I swear I'm innocent!

Nightwing: Sorry man, but crime that is Scooby-Done can't be Scooby-Undone

[Collective batfamily groans]

Riddler: [tied up] I'm begging you, please just take me back to Arkham

Nightwing: Nope. You interrupted my cartoon marathon so now you have to deal with me

#dick grayson #the riddler #incorrect batfamily quotes #batfam #red hood: at least you don't have to live with him bitch!

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headcanonthings · 9 months

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*Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian chatting* The Riddler: What do you think you’re doing? Jason: We’re TRYING to have a team meeting, thank you very little. Dick: Yeah! Team ears only. The Riddler: We’re in the middle of a fight! Damian: And we’re in the middle of a conversation! Tim: What don’t you get about that?

#incorrect quotes #incorrect dcu quotes #incorrect batman quotes #incorrect batfamily quotes #dcu #batman #batfamily #batbros #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin dc #damian wayne #robin #the riddler #edward nygma

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dc-and-damirae · 11 months

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bernard: this is my theory about red hood being batman's secret love child.

riddler tied to a chair: j-just let me go-

bernard: IM NOT FINISHED!!

edd:

tim:

bernard: and this theory is about nightwing being poison ivy's secret love child-

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spalanai · 8 months

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the riddler’s origin story ™️

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rebelcharmings · 10 months

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happy pride month☺️☺️☺️🏳️‍🌈have some eah fake tweets

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incorrectbatfam · 4 months

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Have the Gooners had any direct or indirect encounters with any supervillains?

Interviewer: Tell me why you want to intern at LexCorp.

Booker: LexCorp? The ad said something else.

Interviewer: LexCorp is our parent company.

Booker: I see.

[later that day]

Booker: *finds an ad for criminals wanting an intern*

Booker: Well, it's either this or LexCorp.

Booker: *applies*

———————

Riddler: Behold, my ultimate puzzle!

Riddler: *clicks a remote*

Riddler: Why isn't the screen working?

Henchman: It's the new software update. I'm calling tech support.

Henchman: *calls*

Mac, on the other end: Best Buy Geek Squad, how may I assist you?

———————

[a year ago]

Gene's coworker: Hey Gene, can you do me a favor?

Gene: I would, but I'm totally swamped with this one guy's tax returns.

Gene's coworker: Which one?

Gene: Someone named Harvey Dent. There are so many discrepancies, it's like he's living two lives.

———————

Milo: *driving*

Milo: *sees a pedestrian*

Milo: *slams the brakes and honks*

Harley: Hey, I'm walkin' here!

———————

Otto: Morning, Basil. The usual wash?

Clayface: *nods*

Otto: Sounds good. I'll get your car clay-free in half an hour.

———————

[two years ago]

Cobblepot: Bartender, another drink!

Molly: Sir, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cut you off.

Cobblepot: Who owns this lounge? Who's paying your salary?

Molly: Fine, what'll it be?

Cobblepot: Our finest red wine, of course.

Molly: Good choice.

Molly: *slips a sedative when he's not looking*

Molly: Here you go. Have a good night.

Cobblepot: What?

Molly: Nothing.

———————

[three years ago]

Talia: For this drill, I want to focus on distance. Team A, take the turrets. Team B, you're on the ground with arrows.

Kellin: *grabs a bow*

Talia: And... fire!

Kellin: *fires an arrow*

*arrow hits an oil lamp*

*lamp falls next to Ra's*

*cape catches fire*

———————

Blaise: *googles how to make his weed plants grow faster*

Blaise: *clicks on a video*

The video: Good afternoon, gardeners and plant lovers. I'm Dr. Pamela Isley and today I'll be showing you how to...

———————

[three years ago]

Scarecrow's assistant: Sir, one of your employees wants to see you.

Scarecrow: Send him in.

Rob: Dr. Crane, I'm Rob Steeler. I'm one of the people who intercepted that shipment containing the last ingredient you need for your new fear gas.

Scarecrow: And what do you need?

Rob: Can these other guys step out of the room? It's kind of personal.

Scarecrow: *waves them out*

Rob: *points a gun at Scarecrow*

Scarecrow: Somebody's feeling fearless.

Rob: Your new formula cost me the love of my life. I can see you reaching under your desk for some fear gas and I'm telling you right now, it won't work because the thing I'm most afraid of already came true.

Scarecrow: So you seek revenge.

Rob: Tempting, but no. I want an out—from you, your organization, and your operations. I don't want you or any of your big-shot Rogue connections to come anywhere near me or my family.

Scarecrow: And if I refuse?

Rob: *shoots the wall behind Scarecrow*

Scarecrow: Very well, have it your way. Best of luck finding any semblance of success. You and I both know you will live and die a common thief.

Rob: We'll revisit that when we meet in hell.

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angelofthenight · 2 months

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Dano!Riddler: Free my girl (y/n), she not in jail she just in the wrong relationship

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mylifeingotham · 4 months

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Damian calls Dick

Damian- Hey, wait while you're out could you pick up some chocolate syrup and paper towels?

Dick- Damian, this isn't a shopping trip. This is a manhunt slash rescue mission

Damian- Okay, just when you're done or whenever it's convenient. I just thought cause you're out

Dick- Damian, I’m obviously gonna get that that stuff for you so just shut up

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