#incorrect sam wilson
Sam: *Gently taps table*
Bucky: *Taps back*
Sarah: What are they doing?
Sharon: Morse code.
Sam: *Aggressively taps table*
Bucky: *Slams vibranium hand down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-
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Sam: Hah! 69! You know what that means?
Sharon: That you're a child.
Walker: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?
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Bucky: *holding AJ and Cassie*
Bucky: I have only had AJ and Cassie for half a day.
Bucky: And if anything happens to them I’ll kill everyone on this god forsaken planet and then myself.
Sam: ALL THEY WAS CALL YOU UNCLE JAMIE!
Bucky: AND WHAT ABOUT IT?!?!
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AJ and Cassie: Why are Uncle Sam and Uncle Jamie sitting with their backs to each other?
Sarah: They had a fight.
AJ and Cassie: Then why are they holding hands?
Sarah: They get sad when they fight.
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Dr. Raynor: James would throw himself into a car for you.
Sam: Bucky would throw himself in front of a car just for fun
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Sam: Stop setting things on fire because you're curious about what will happen. What will happen is fire.
Bucky: But what if something else happens just this one time.
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Sarah: Sam, don't forget were having salad tonight
Sam: Bucky said we were having burgers
Sarah: If Bucky jumped off a cliff, would you?
Sam: Well I- I mean it depends-!
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Bucky: Marinara sauce trench
Sam, sighing deeply: You realise that, just because you're my boyfriend, does not mean I will hesitate to kick your ass
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Sam: hey buck, do you think our kids will be friends?
Bucky: umm I don't know, they'll most probably have the usual love-hate sibling relationship
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Sam: Welcome to the 'Fuck Bucky' support group, where we gather to say a collective 'fuck you' to that stupid asshole. But first, a few words from our newest member!
Steve, gathering his stuff to leave: I think I may have misunderstood the purpose of the group, sorry
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Sam: Barnes, I blame you for this.
Bucky: Eh, that's fair.
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Sam: How long do you think it will take?
Bucky: I don't know, three or four.
Sam: Three or four what?
Sam: Days? Weeks? Months?
Bucky: Yeah, maybe five.
Sam: Five what!?
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John: You don't wanna do this
Sam: Bitch, the only thing keeping Barnes and Noble here, from going full White Wolf on your ass was me and my morals.
Bucky: Permission to fight?
Sam: Permission granted
Bucky: HELL FUCKING YEAH
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Zemo: Just curious, is there a reason the gun is still pointed at me?
Bucky: Well, there's probably still some part of me that wants to shoot you.
Zemo: I get that.
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Bucky: i got sam a "get well soon" card. he's not sick, i just think he can be better
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Steve:...Tony, are you gonna join us for this meeting or not?
Tony: I’d love to, Capsicle. But I have a date. You kids have fun and I’ll catch up later!
Steve:...OK, fine. (to the other Avengers) So what we know about the facility is that they have an invisible laser grid across the entire outer property that is easily set off by movement. They also have concrete walls that are fifty feet high and thirty inches thick. And machine guns at several security posts to shoot at incoming air targets and land targets.
Natasha: I didn’t train to be a ballerina and a spy at the same time so I WOULDN’T ever have to get through a laser security grid, Steve. Piece of cake.
Thor: Banner and I will have a grand time smashing through those walls!
Sam: Yeah, and Pepper and I can fly overhead with Tony and keep the gunners busy while you guys get to the facility on foot.
Steve: Sounds good. Bucky, what do you think?
Bucky:...Did Tony just say he has a date?
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The Avengers as John Mulaney gifs part two
The Avengers every time there’s a fight scene:
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sam, glaring: barnes.
zemo, sipping his tea and narrowing his eyes: james.
bucky, sweating slightly: besties
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Sam: We need to distract the guards.
Sam: What are you gonna do?
Bucky: I’m going to kill them all. That ought to distract them.
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Bucky: I'm invoking the "no judgment" clause of our friendship.
Sam: My God, what have you done?
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