Janus: *is wearing a shirt with the word bitch on it*

Patton: *gasps and points at the shirt* Language!

Janus: What, you want me to take it off? I’ll take it off.

Patton: *blushing profusely and stuttering* N-NO, THAT’S NOT WHAT I-

Roman: If I were a mythical creature, I would be a sea nymph!

Virgil: Why?

Roman: Because-

Logan: The ancient roman god Janus of gates and doors married a sea nymph.

Roman: …that wasn’t why but you know what, that too! :D

[Human au]

Virgil : really Remus, why are you like you are??

Remus : hmmm -

[flashback]

Logan : these films aren’t for children, Patton.

Patton : But Remus wants to know what’s in a human being? He really wants to and says he isn’t scared!

Logan : He’s six.

Patton : I won’t lie to him.

Logan, checking his calendar : Tell his therapist in approximately ten years about your reasoning for letting him persuade you into watching horror thrillers with him.

[Flashback ends]

Remus : I think I argued myself into this mess. Children are horrible advocates for major life decisions.

[The Dark Sides are out for a walk in the park, they see an outdoor birthday party]

Janus: Let’s steal the birthday presents.

Remus: Let’s kill the kids.

Virgil: LET’S NOT!

Roman looked over at the emo as they walked down the hall and noticed Virgil’s jaw was moving. “Do you have something in your mouth?” He asked.

Virgil rolled his eyes and spat something mint green into his hand. “Gum.”

—8 years later—

“I now pronounce you husbands. You may kiss.”

Once Roman and Virgil pulled away from the kiss, Roman asked through delirious happiness, “Do you have something in your mouth?”

Virgil grinned and spat something mint green into his hand. “Gum.”

—

Fanfic writers, try something with your OTP where you show them after meeting and then 8 years later at some important event. I did this with Prinxiety from Sanders Sides. Tag someone else to do it too (if you want!)

Add “#8 years fanfic” to the hashtags!

Remus :,,, I’m an adult,,,

Roman : You are

Remus : so,,,

Roman : yes?

Remus : I made a blanket cave.

Roman : AWWWW

Remus : it’s in front of my bed and I want to have a “sleepover” in my cave, on the floor, right in front of my really comfortable bed

Roman : Do it.

Remus : MAYHEM! I WILL! NOBODY’S STOPPING ME

Roman: Hey, have you noticed that things ending with ‘ie’ are nice and cute? Like cutie, sweetie.

Patton: Cookie.

Remus: Die.

[over text]

Patton: Son, would you like me to pick up some McDonald’s?

Virgil: yes 🤤

Patton: What is that emojI? Where is it?

Virgil: uhhh scroll right alittle bit it’s next to this one 😠

Virgil: there’s also a beaglepuss somewhere

Virgil: it’s a new one they also added a worm

Patton: Where is the worm?

Virgil: animal section

Patton: There is an animal section???

Virgil: yeah?

Patton: 🤨😴

Virgil: dad?

Patton: 🐶🐛

Patton: 😊

Patton: 😍

Virgil: ok dad 😂 get me a double cheeseburger please and medium fries

Patton: 🍔🍟✨✨

Virgil: Princey, I umm… I like you….

Roman: 

Virgil:

Roman:

Virgil:

Roman: -Pulls out a binder, flipping it open-

Virgil: Whats that?

Roman: The wedding I’ve been planning since I first met you, now do you prefer red velvet or chocolate I couldn’t decide.  

Roman: So are We going to the mall?

Virgil, sarcastically: No we’re going to… that country you always say

Roman: … What?

Virgil: You know… That country you always say when you’re being sarcastic… I never heard of it before you started saying it

Roman: …

Roman: Oh! For the love of God and all that is holy, don’t say you mean Narnia

Virgil: That’s the one!

Roman : someone told me monsters don’t exist.

Roman, opening a door : but then I found this in my closet -

Remus, sitting on a toilet seat in the air : I snort dick before nap time.

Roman :.. yeah.

Remus : Also I think Disney sucks

Roman : MONSTER

*Patton walks up to Logan with a tea cup giggling*

Patton: Hey Logan, I made you a nice cup of tea!

Logan: Oh that’s very nice, Patton. What kind of tea?

Patton: *Looks at Logan trying not to laugh*

Logan: Oh no… It’s not another pu-

Patton: Homosexuali- TEA! *giggles*

Logan: *sighs aggressively* I’m gonna walk that one off…

Janus: Ah, I see you’ve come back to apologize.

Virgil: Oh, no. I just didn’t want the delivery guy to think you ordered an entire pizza for yourself.

Thomas: Well, you made a lot of people here very nervous.

Remus: Oh yeah? That’s because they’re a bunch of bitch-ass white boys.

Virgil: I hate to break this to you, but you’re also a bitch-ass white boy.

[Over text]

Patton : It’s decided.

Remus, jokingly : What’s up, we finally moving in together?

Patton, frowning : What do you mean? Well move in together in 2022, I’ve got it marked in my calendar.

Remus, blushing : Oh? Oh,, thats- that’s so cute!

Patton : yes, sure! Anyway, I figured out the perfect biscuit recipe for when you’re back during Christmas!

Remus, tearing up : You’re the best family I could have found on my own! I wish I could hug you right now!

Logan: Patton?

Patton: Yeah?

Logan: Since you seem to be an expert on feelings, might you help me with something?

Patton: Of course, Lolo! What’s up?

Logan: I have recently developed a strange feeling in my chest and I don’t like it.

Patton: Okay, LOL, can you describe it?

Logan: Whenever I see you I have the desire to hug you and never let go, and I can’t seem to think of a single thing wrong with you in any way. I feel like if you somehow disappeared I would have no reason to live anymore and for some reason I wish for you to feel the same although I don’t even understand what this feeling is. I asked Roman and he just laughed at me and said, and I quote, “You oblivious star child.” Can you help?

Patton: O////O

Patton: …I have no idea what that feeling is…

Logan: Very well. I shall go inquire Virgil.

Logan: *leaves the room*

Patton: …f u c k

[On the Phone]

Janus: Hey Virgil!

Virgil : Hey, what’s up bro?

Janus : Well, I got drunk with Remus yesterday!

Virgil, walking through their shared flat, not liking where this is going : and…?

Janus : Yeah, how much do you not approve of pets?

Virgil, hesitating : um, you know, just no snakes or bugs or anything weird and scary.

Janus : Okay, well, stay out of the living room th-

Virgil, literally just walking into the living room : wh- WHAT THE FUCK! IS THIS A SNAKE - I’LL KILL YOU AND REMUS YOU IDIOT DRUNKS! WHY WOULD YOU DRUNK BUY A SNAKE!?

Janus, to Remus next to him : He’s taking it better than expected!

Logan : Remus, stop! You’re about to hit a wall!

Remus, still walking : No walls can stop me! I have no sense of object permanence and am therefore invincible!

Logan : Tha- that’s not how it works.

Remus, running into a wall :… that’s exactly how it works.. ouch!

Remus: If anyone does anything to you I will eat their fingers!!!

Virgil: Next time someone insults me I’m saying “I’m gonna tell Remus!”

Remus: You know it!