Sebastian: Farmer is the main reason that I get out of bed in the morning.
Sam: That's sweet.
Farmer, earlier that morning: *Banging on Sebastian's bedroom door* WAKE UP, YOU DEPRESSED FUCK!
Sebastian, smiling: Yeah, it is.
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Pierre: So let me get this straight-
Sam: More like let me run this bi you
Abigail: Let’s see how this pans out
Sebastian: Let me ace-ess the situation
The Farmer: I’m gay
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Sam: You fucking chainsmoker
Sebastian: Ew I don’t like that band
Abigail: No this is an intervention
Sebastian: For the chainsmokers? Yeah you should intervene with their shit music
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Farmer: "I will now torture you."
Shane: "Kinky."
Farmer: "I think you are sweet and beautiful."
Shane: "Wait."
Farmer: "You deserve to be cared for as much as you care for others."
Shane: "No."
Farmer: "Your feelings and needs are valid and deserve to be heard."
Shane: "I need a safeword!"
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seb: sometimes i like to put random things in sam's food and see if he notices
seb: you wouldn't believe the shit he eats anyway
-
seb: i got a burrito for you
sam: oh thanks!
sam: *bites off a chunk of creamy nut butter and beef* what woul' i do wifout you shebby this is delicioush
seb: want some juice with that?
sam: sure! wow you're so kind today seb *slurps suspiciously chunky orange juice*
sam: if i didn't know any better i would think you're up to something!
sam: wait
sam: these aren't poisoned or anything right?
-
*horrendous noises coming from sam's bathroom*
abby: excuse me why is sam shitting out of both ends
seb: must've been something he ate :)
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Alex: I just saw two primary school kids in a fistfight, so obviously I had to step in.
Penny: Oh, good for y—
Alex: They didn’t stand a chance >:]
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The Farmer: I would do anything for money.
*later*
The Farmer, covered in blood: THE STATEMENT STILL STANDS!
———————
Who’s blood is it? You decide.
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Harvey opens up his SayOut confession link and Mona decides to do gamer shit:
watch out my dearest farmer, doctor on the loose.
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Alex: What are your pronouns?
Farmer: They/them. Why?
Alex: Oh, thanks. I'm gonna go home and complain about you later and I don't wanna get it wrong.
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Sam: Telling someone “You are shit” and “You ain’t shit” are both insults
Sam: “You are not shit” is reassurance
Sam: “You are not the shit” is an insult
Sam: “You are the shit” is a compliment
Sam: Isn’t that weird?
Shane, in his head: Only ten more minutes to closing, only ten more minutes to closing, ONLY TEN MORE MINS-
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Shane: When I was your age-
Sebastian, mocking him: When I was your height.
Shane:
Shane: Listen here you little shit-
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Farmer, about Lewis: "He doesn't deserve you. If he doesn't treat you right by now, you're gone."
Marnie: "I'm gone."
Farmer: "Now go chop his dick off!"
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middle school conversations
sam: boobies are awesome
seb: agreed
sam: you agree???
seb: um yeah? birds are cool
abby: he's talking about tits dumdum
seb: tit birds are cool too??? am i missing something
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An attempt at group bonding was made. Needless to say, Alex was perplexed but to Sam this was a typical Tuesday night.
(Hello, yes, I am back with these losers (attempted at) being friends with each other. You are (hopefully) not immune to this propaganda)
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Penny: Farmer, your turn! Two truths and one lie!
Farmer: Okay, so… My favorite color is red, I’m right-handed…
Farmer: And I explored all 120 floors of the mines and donated all my valuable artifacts to Gunther so he would give me a rusty key, letting me go down to the sewers and meet a friendly shadow guy, who I’m now letting live in my house to protect him from the dwarf assassins.
Penny: Oh, Farmer, as entertaining as that story was, I think you should make the lie a bit less obvious-
Sam: They’re left-handed.
Penny:
Sam:
Farmer:
Penny: YOU WHAT
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