#incorrect shakespeare

[wheretobuygoodurl]

Shakespeare characters as random things in my notes app

Lady Macbeth: It was so cunt of him to die

Hamlet, talking about Claudius: He looks like his hairline got a restraining order from his forehead.

Also Hamlet: After I found out I had a silly little mental disorder, I was like, “what if I went to England?”

Mercutio, angrily: If I was a shark, I would eat Tybalt.

Hamlet, with an idea for a play: I say, “beef jerky.” The camera pans to you, saying “No! Please no!” Then it pans back over to me. I am beef jerky.

Hamlet, with another idea for a play: I’m gonna write a one-act comedy of The Last Supper. Yes, “Judas, you’ve been awfully quiet.”

Laertes, to the tune of Creep by Radiohead: 🎶 I’m a crêpe 🎶

More to come.

#hamlet memes #shakespeare #hamlet #shakespeare memes #hamlet prince of denmark #classic literature #classic literature memes #incorrect hamlet quotes #romeo and juliet #incorrect quotes #mercutio #macbeth memes #lady macbeth #macbeth #incorrect war and peace quotes #incorrect shakespeare

[causeofchernobyl]

that one scene in hamlet

Hamlet: yeah we bros, but I’d let you bang me

Horatio: SIR!?

#shitpost #hamlet prince of denmark #shakespeare #shakespeare memes #incorrect shakespeare #incorrect quotes #hamlet #hamlet x horatio #roomates #they just friends #Just like Achilles and his pal #tragic danish boyfriends #horatio #shakesqueer

[macbooth]

Hero: Beatrice, keep an eye on Claudio today. He’s going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Beatrice: Sure, I’d love to see Claudio get punched.

Hero: Try again.

Beatrice, sighing: I will stop Claudio from getting punched.

#shakespeare #shakespeare memes #incorrect shakespeare #incorrect quotes #much ado about nothing #hero much ado #beatrice much ado #good morning America welcome to the first of so so many incorrect quotes I have lying around god bless

[tybaltstan]

Horatio: Wow, great work on the Halloween decorations. Where did you get the fake skeletons? Hamlet: Fake?

#incorrect hamlet #incorrect shakespeare quotes #incorrect shakespeare #incorrect quotes #hamlet prince of denmark #hamlet x horatio #hamlet #horatio #billy shakes #sorry #shakespeare memes #shakespeare

[completelycorrectshakespeare]

Benedick: We’re having a moment, aren’t we?

Beatrice: If by a moment you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.

#incorrect shakespeare #much ado about nothing

[theangelwithawand]

Shakespeare Incorrect Quotes: Much Ado About Nothing 4

Benedick : Am I right, Beatrice?

Beatrice: I’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, I wasn’t listening.

Hero: The salary of a clown is 51,000 dollars.

Hero, gesturing to Beatrice and Benedick fighting: And yet these idiots do it daily, and for free!

Friar Francis: *watching the squad's shenanigans with concern* Do you feel like this has gotten out of hand?

Imogen: I don't know. Feels normal enough for a group that's on 911's blocked callers list.

Benedick: I have been tricked, I have been backstabbed, and I have quite possibly been bamboozled.

Benedick: Why are you burning our marriage certificate!?

Beatrice: Good luck trying to return me without a receipt.

Hero: While I'm gone, you're in charge Claudio.

Claudio: Yes!

Hero, whispering to Beatrice: You're secretly in charge, but I don't want them to feel bad.

Beatrice: Obviously.

Beatrice: What do I get?

Benedick: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.

Beatrice: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.

Benedick: It won't be you.

Beatrice: I'll get my coat.

Hero, pointing a camera at Beatrice: There they are, our sweet baby.

Beatrice, holding a cigarette and a beer: What-?

Beatrice: I didn’t even realize how sarcastic I was being. It’s starting to become a problem, I think.

Claudio: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.

Beatrice: And you came to me?

Claudio: Hero, what does IDK, ILY, and TTYL mean?

Hero: I don’t know, I love you, talk to you later.

Claudio: Alright, I love you too, I'll ask Benedick.

Hero: Wait- Claudio, no-

*At the police station*

Beatrice: Hi, I’m here for Benedick.

Police officer: Who’s Benedick?

Beatrice: Ah, you must be new.

Beatrice: All in all, a 100% successful trip.

Hero: But we lost Claudio.

Beatrice: All in all, a 100% successful trip!

Beatrice, to Claudio: Are you peanuts? Because I want to boil you alive.

Hero: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone.

Claudio: Mine just says "Claudio no."

Hero: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

Beatrice: I didn't drink that much last night.

Hero: You were flirting with Benedick.

Beatrice: So what? They're my partner.

Hero: You asked if they were single.

Hero: And then you cried when they said they weren't.

Claudio: I only have 6 weeks left to live.

Don Pedro: Oh my god, really?!

Claudio: It's just a guesstimate based on the choices I've made.

Leonato: I just found out from Hero today that when Claudio died and the service did the 21-gun salute at their funeral, Beatrice said, “They should aim at the coffin to be sure.”

Beatrice: Benedick and I got married!!

Hero: Don't share your personal problems with everyone.

Beatrice: Claudio, this morning, I called you abhorrent and reprehensible, and I’d like to withdraw that statement-

Claudio: Aww, thanks-

Beatrice: But I can't. Those are the 2 words that best describe you.

Beatrice: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

Claudio: Benedick, why are you standing in front of the fan?

Benedick: I’m waiting for Beatrice to look into our window when they come home. When the fan is blowing on me, I look like a fancy supermodel.

Claudio: You want Beatrice to think you’re a supermodel?

Benedick: Giving them eye candy is the least I can do. It’ll probably be the best part of their walk!

Claudio, sarcastically: You’re selfless.

Benedick: Thank you for noticing.

Hero: *trying to get five seconds of sleep*

Beatrice, poking Hero’s arm: Hero Hero. Hero. Hero.

Hero: WHAT?

Beatrice: …We’re out of Capri Suns—

Claudio: *working in a flower shop and minding their own business*

Benedick, storming into the store and slapping $20 on the counter: HOW DO I PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY SAY “FUCK YOU” IN FLOWER???

Claudio: Hey, Benedick? Can I get some dating advice?

Benedick: Just because I'm with Beatrice doesn't mean I know how I did it.

Beatrice: I hate you.

Benedick: Well, according to this picture I drew of us holding hands, that is untrue.

Benedick: Beatrice and I are no longer dating.

Beatrice: Benedick, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

Claudio: How is the most beautiful person in the world?

Hero: *blushing* I—

Benedick, butting into the conversation: Beatrice is perfect, thanks for asking.

#much ado #much ado about nothing #beatrice #benedick #ben and bea #benedick and beatrice #incorrect shakespeare #shakespeare

[thetwistedcupid-blog]

Me desperately trying to hold onto my love for literature:

Shakespeare had the audacity to include so much swordplay in his plays cough, Romeo and Juliet cough and kill off half the gay characters. He just had to make it a tragedy, as if we didn't already have Hamlet to deal with.

#romeo and juliet #am i wrong though #hamlet #hamlet x horatio #tragic danish boyfriends #mercutio x benvolio #incorrect shakespeare #incorrect hamlet #incorrect romeo and juliet #im trying to get back into liking literature #please send helo #make it fun again #Im rambling #literature #classic literature #shakespeare

[incompletemelody]

Horatio: I’ve got one hand in my pocket and the other is wondering why the Danish royal family cannot keep their shit together

#horatio #hamlet #shakespeare #incorrect shakespeare #incorrect Shakespeare quotes #the bard #first time playing Horatio

[writtenbyevie]

(I have a cold and forgot how much I like breathing out of my fucking nostrils)

#yes I bastardized a Shakespeare quote for this #the merchant of venice #incorrect shakespeare #incorrect Shakespeare quotes #shakespeare memes #writing memes #evie is sick #evie’s jeevies

[incorrectmacbeth]

Macbeth: Do you like… have any family?

Young Siward: Family?

Young Siward, gesturing to MacDuff’s army: These guys are my family :)

Macbeth, cocking gun: Great, so you don’t.

#“but his dad is literally in the play #shhhhhhh #let it happen #macbeth #shakespeare #incorrect macbeth quotes #incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes macbeth #young siward #the tragedy of macbeth #incorrect shakespeare quotes #incorrect shakespeare

[thatwildegirl]

Sebastian: Antonio, you risked your life to save me!

Antonio: And I'd do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it.

#books and reading #twelfth night #willy shakes #shakespeare #sebastian #sebastian twelfth night #antonio #antonio twelfth night #incorrect quotes #incorrect shakespeare quotes #incorrect shakespeare #classic lit #me post

[incorrectshakingspear]

Hecate (in Macbeth): You trade and traffic with Macbeth in riddles and affairs of death? You trade and traffic with with him in riddles and affairs of death WITHOUT Hecate? Oh! Oh! Jail for The Weird Sisters! Jail for The Weird Sisters for One Thousand Years!!!!

#incorrect shakespeare #incorrect Macbeth #macbeth

[macbooth]

Polonius: So what’s been on your mind lately, Ophelia?

Ophelia: I wanna take probiotics and antibiotics at the same time and have them fight inside of me.

Polonius: …

Ophelia: I wanna see who wins.

#shakespeare #shakespeare memes #incorrect shakespeare #incorrect quotes #hamlet #polonius hamlet #ophelia hamlet

[tybaltstan]

Paris: You’re receiving a ticket for having two people on one motorcycle.

Mercutio: Shit.

Benvolio: Wait, two?

Paris: Yeah?

Mercutio: OH MY GOD ROMEO FELL OFF!

#mercutio escalus #billy shakes #william shakespeare #shakespeare #incorrect shakespeare #romeo and juliet #r+j #romeo + juliet #romeo montague #benvolio montague #the montacrew

[completelycorrectshakespeare]

Richard III: Something’s off.

Ghosts: Maybe you’ve finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people.

Richard III: no, but that’s funny.

#incorrect shakespeare #richard iii

[theangelwithawand]

Incorrect Shakespeare Quotes: Much Ado About Nothing 1

Benedick: Beatrice, I screwed up, big time.

Beatrice: Benedick, given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.

*

Benedick: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!

Beatrice: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?

Benedick: I don't know, surprise me!

*

Beatrice: I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight.

Benedick: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?

Beatrice, already taking off their clothes: God, Benedick, you’re so fucking stupid.

*

Beatrice: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Benedick: I wrote you a poem.

Beatrice, already crying: You did?

*

Benedick: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

Beatrice: Peonies, why?

Benedick:

Beatrice: Were you going to get me flowers?

Benedick:

Beatrice:

Benedick: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

*

Benedick: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.

Beatrice: Go the fuck to sleep Benedick.

*

Beatrice: You’re overthinking this.

Benedick: You don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Beatrice. What if I’m underthinking?

*

Benedick: I have a problem.

Beatrice: Kill it.

Benedick: Can you chill for like, two seconds?

*

Benedick: Anyone down to take couples counseling and see at what point the therapist realizes we barely know each other?

Beatrice: Idiots to lovers, 20k words, angst with a happy ending.

*

Beatrice, laying in bed: Get out of my room.

Benedick, standing just outside of the door frame: I’m not in your room.

*

Beatrice, ordering Starbucks: Hey, I just got my heart broken, what do you recommend?

Benedick, who’s running the drive thru: …

Benedick: Tequila.

*

Beatrice: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.

Benedick: That's great, Beatrice. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.

*

Beatrice: *standing on a balcony and sneezes*

Benedick: *standing on the roof* Bless you.

Beatrice: God?!

*

Benedick: Do we have any orange juice left?

Beatrice: *pours the remaining juice into their cup*

Beatrice: Sorry, we’re all out.

*

Benedick: Am I right, Beatrice?

Beatrice: I’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, I wasn’t listening.

*

Benedick: Hey, Beatrice. What kind of flowers do you prefer?

Beatrice: I like sunflowers.

Benedick, pulling out a bouquet of Venus Flytraps: Well, shit-

*

Benedick: Go fuck yourself.

Beatrice: Come over here and fuck me yourself you coward!

*

Beatrice: Don’t weep for the stupid. You’ll be crying all day.

*

Benedick: Capitalizing every word in a sentence is vomit inducing.

Beatrice: Enjoy Your Trip To Puke Land, Boy!

*

Beatrice: Benedick, can I ask you a question?

Benedick: Sure, anything.

Beatrice: Why don't you go back to your own house and leave us alone?

#much ado about nothing #maan #shakespeare #much ado #incorrect quotes #ben and bea #idiots in love #banter #incorrect shakespeare #benedick #beatrice #benedick and beatrice