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#incorrect spider-ham
incorrect-spiderverse · 3 months
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Spider-Ham: "Why is helping someone bury a body the standard for true friendship?"
Pavitr: "It's just a saying that you're in it together no matter what."
Noir: "I'm all for that. I'll hide evidence, bribe people, lie to whoever I need to, but I am not digging a hole in the ground."
Pavitr: "Why is that the something you wouldn't do?"
Noir: "Too much work. Sounds exhausting."
Spider-Ham: "Agreed"
Hobie raises his hand: "I've done all of that. It ain't that bad"
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human-space-heater · 9 months
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incorrect quote generator (Spiderman: across the spider verse pt2 feat. spider noir, spider ham, and peni parker)
Miles : Fight me! Hobie , standing behind them and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.
Gwen: Are you a masochist or a sadist? Pavitr , deadpan: I’m a Taurus.
Hobie : I have issues. Miguel : Finally, you admit it! The first step to redemption is accept- Hobie : With you.
Miles : *speaking Spanish* Gwen : I know, I know. Hobie: You speak Spanish? Gwen : No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Miles  speaks.
Gwen : Can I get a waffle? Jess and Miguel : *fighting and yelling at each other* Gwen : Can I p l e a s e get a waffle?
Pavir : *eating a cinnamon roll* Gwen: Cannibalism. Pavir : *confused chewing noises*
Spider noir : *holding a salt packet* It’s just a little sodium chloride. Peni : Actually Spider noir , it’s salt. Spider noir : That’s what I said, sodium chloride. Peni : Uh Spider noir , that would be salt. Peni : *takes salt packer from Spider noir * This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit.
Spider noir : If you water water, it grows. Peni Parker: ...What. Spider Ham : They've got a point.
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fandomnerd9602 · 4 months
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Madame Webb holds her newborn infant…
Y/N looks on in shock as does the rest of the gang…
Spideypool: hard to believe that little fella is you
Y/N: i know it’s so weird to see baby…me
Spideypool: yeah he’s so cute…looks like he went downhill fast!
Spideypool bursts into a fit of laughter before Spider Ham smack him with a mallet…
Spider Ham: you have a handsome baby boy, Madame Web
Web: thank you, you guys mind, I’m trying to have time with my baby boy
Y/N: so you’re kicking me out…to spend time with me?
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For @sweetheartlizzie07
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harveyb-wabbit92 · 9 months
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[Miguel’s ‘R/n sense’ starts going off part way through a mission and calls HQ to make sure everything all right with her, he left Peter in charge. Off the bat Miguel can already tell something is off....as Peter’s nervous “I f-ed up, but can’t let anyone know I f-ed up.” face greets him.]
Peter: Hey, M-Miguel, h-hey you... why are you calling?
Miguel: I heard a God laughing at my misery and decided something was wrong...
Peter, keeps looking over his shoulder nervously: Wrong? No, there’s nothing wrong...you’re being paranoid. Everything fine...Nothings undead or anything...
[IN THE BACKGROUND.]
Miles: WHO THE HELL KEEPS A POCKET SIZED NECRONOMICON? WHO???? WHO DOES THAT?!?!
Pavitr: Oh no! Miss R/n, they’re breaking the barriers!
(There’s a thunderous rumbling; a flash goes off and Peter’s face is illuminated green his jaw drops as his eyes slowly trail upwards following something as R/n’s voice echoes on in the background.)
R/n: KLAATU VERATA NIKTO....
[Another rumble causes the screen to shake and glitch out for a sec, there’s another flash as everything quiets down.]
Spider-ham’s voice: Wha...h-hey! We’re not Deadites anymore! We’re all better!
Spider people: Yay!!
{Peter awkwardly turns back to Miguel)
Peter:...
Miguel:...
Peter, smiles:
Miguel, resting B face:...
[Peter shoulders slump and he hangs up. Needles to say, R/n and Peter got an earful when Miguel got back.}
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Miles: Can I be Frank with you guys?
Spider-Ham: Sure but I can't see how changing your name is gonna help
Peni: Can I still be Peni?
Noir: Shh, let Frank speak
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Ham: Can we kill him?
Noir: No.
Ham: I can make it look like an accident.
Noir: …How?
Peni: Noir!
Noir: Alright, no…
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violet-rose-95 · 9 months
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Hobie: I don't trust pigs
Spider-Ham: What about me???
Hobie:...
Hobie: I trust one pig
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spiderquotes · 9 months
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Peter: From now on, we will be using code names
Peter: You can address me as Eagle One
Peter: Noir, your codename is 'Been There, Done That'
Noir: What
Peter: Gwen is 'Currently Doing That'
Gwen: I do currently do things
Peter: Porker is 'It Happened Once In a Dream (And It Was Really Weird)'
Porker: I can make things weird
Peter: Peni's codename is 'If I Had to Pick a Dude'
Peni: Aww!
Peter: And Miles is...
Peter: Eagle Two
Miles: Oh thank god
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Gwen: i know, why don’t you picture everybody naked!
Miles: naked?
Gwen: yeah!
Miles: okay. *looks at peter and ham* i don’t like doing this
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the-suicidal-lizard · 9 months
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Hammer
Gwen, running away from Miguel: AHHHHHH—! Miles, pulls out a comically large, cartoon hammer Peter Porker gave him: MAY THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP COMPEL YOU! *Slams hammer into his head* Porker: They grow up so fast... Pavitr, backing away: hahahahahaha-
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biwi23 · 9 months
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"you paying your taxes is a canon event"
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Spider-Gwen: "Rules are made to be broken."
Peter B Parker: "They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken."
Miles: "Uh, piñatas."
Noir: "Glow sticks."
Spider-Ham: "Karate boards."
Peni: "Spaghetti when you have a small pot."
Spider-Gwen: "Rules."
Peter B Parker:
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nunny-boi · 1 year
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fandomnerd9602 · 4 months
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Spider Ham and Spideypool snuck in the sleigh to the North Pole to surprise Spider M!Claus reader and his pregnant girlfriend Mary Jane, especially their unborn godson
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Spideypool and Spider Ham jump out of the sleigh, yelling SURPRISE!!!
Y/N: what are you doing here?!
MJ: What a wonderful surprise guys
Spideypool: we came to visit our godson!
Spider Ham: look it’s Santa!!!
Santa: hey guys
Spideypool: ohmygosh!! Kurt Russell?! I’m a huge fan! Sky High! Computer Wore Tennis Shoes! The Thing! Escape from New York!!
Santa: umm…
Spideypool hugs him…
Spideypool: I love you
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incorrectgwenstacy · 2 years
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Spider-Ham: You ever just stand up in bed and kick the ceiling? Because me too
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Noir: Peni told me that instead of being sad, I should ‘go get it, girl.’ So I’m going to go get it, girl
Spider-Ham: Get what?
Noir: Unclear. I’ll get everything, just to be safe
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