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#incorrect spiderman quotes
kai-queen · a day ago
Miles, on the phone with Peter B.: Peter, can you come get me?
Peter B.: What happened?
Miles: Aunt May is passive aggressively doing the dishes she asked me to do 6 hours ago
Miles: This house isn’t safe
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mamaspidershit · a day ago
Peter: Go big or go home!
Natasha: Please, for once in your life just go home. I'm begging you. Go. Home.
Peter: I'm going big!
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lazy-cat-corner · 3 months ago
Loki: Pledge your loyalty to me and I’ll give you what you need.
Citizen: Universal healthcare?
Loki: You don’t have that?
Citizen: Meal services for low income households?
Loki: [gasp]
Citizen: Free dental and vision care?
Loki: Isn’t that covered by healthcare?
Citizen: Increase the minumum wage every year?
Loki: They don’t already do that?
Citizen: Fund reservations?
Loki: Eye-
Peter: Free college textbooks?
Loki trying not to cry: Oh, you poor things!
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underoooos · 3 months ago
Bruce: On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain?
Peter, staring into space with glazed over eyes: Pi
Peter: Low scale but never ending
Tony : Pete do we need to have a talk
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incorrect-assvengers · a month ago
*babysitting Morgan*
Peter, high pitched: Hey Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
MJ, in a deep voice: Nonsense, Barbie. You are staying home to take care of the kids.
Tony: What are you two doing?
Peter and MJ, in sync: Playing systematic oppression.
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mamaspidershit · 2 days ago
Peter: You need to be more careful!
Natasha, who was dragged into Peter's issue: Careful? CAREFUL?! I'LL CAREFULLY WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT-
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lazy-cat-corner · a month ago
Peter: [pinned down by Venom]
Venom: We got you! Now we can keep you. 😁
Peter: K-keep?
Eddie: Venom, we’re not keeping the kid. We’re collecting a bounty.
Venom: What?!? Then why did we take this adoption flyer?
Eddie: [sigh] Those are wanted posters.
Venom: I knew there was a reason why I liked him!
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mr-crimefrog · 4 months ago
Beck: I've invited you here because I desire to play the deadliest game-
Peter: [nodding] Knife monopoly.
Beck: I was actually going to hunt you for sport, but now I'm really interested in whatever the fuck knife monopoly is.
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