Peter: Nat, could you read me a bedtime story?
Natasha: No.
Peter: Pretty please?
Natasha: The physical expression of the word "please" doesn’t change my answer.
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Peter: Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good.
Stark: Underoos, you CANNOT use our collective trauma to get out of school
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peter: HELP ME, I HAVE A PROBLEM!!
nat: i need to hide a body problem? or i like someone problem?
peter: no.... maths problem
nat: oh, nevermind then.....
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*Gwen comes home with a hickey*
Mr. Stacy: Hey, what's that?
Gwen: Umm... spider bite?
Miles: Hi, Mr. Stacy!
Mr. Stacy: Big spider you have there
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Peter: *sneaking into his room wearing spidersuit at 5 am*
May, sitting on peter's desk: excuse me whERE WERE YOU?
Peter: I was working with Mr Stark!
Tony, turning on the light: Try again.
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A Random Rainy Night:
Peter: *Enters completely drenched & shivering*
Tony: Underoos!! *starts screaming & pampering him*
*While making cold chocolate to warm up his little spiderling*
Tony: Why didn't you swing in your suit? It would have saved you from resembling a kicked & drenched puppy.
Peter: *pouts* I am not a puppy
Peter: Also, it’s a million dollar worth suit, Mr. Stark. Couldn't get it wet
Tony: astonished, slackjawed, flabbergasted
Tony: Is my age catching upto me or did you actually took a nose dive into a freaking lake with that suit?
Peter: oh! It was waterproof?!
Tony: Flabbergasted Stark
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Maguire!Peter: My (y/n) is ranked for top 10 on Pokémon Go.
Garfield!Peter: My (y/n) is top 8 in candy crush
Holland!Peter: My (y/n)’s top 5 on FBI’s most wanted list
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Miguel to Hobie: Whatever you just stole- put it back!
Hobie: I didn' steal owt!
Miguel: I literally just saw you!
Pavi: Sir, he can't help it! It's his culture!
Hobie *absolutely shocked*: Wha-?! 'Cause I'm black?!
Pavi: No, because you're British
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8 year old Morgan: When I was 4 I went out into the backyard and let a spider bite me so I could be like the spider man.
Morgan: then my parents took me to the doctor and he diagnosed me with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
Morgan: I was terrified that the spider had done this
Peter: you… you what?!
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Kate: Peter, we found you! We have come to take you home!
Peter, who had been captured: yeah! Three days later!
Yelena: Your phone was off, we didn't know where you were.
Peter: I text America my location!
Kate:
Yelena:
America: Oh, I'm sorry for not responding to like, ONE text Peter!
Kate is also so offended he text America over her so Yelena has to console her
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Natasha: I know over 200 ways to kill a man.
Peter: you could glue an open jar of rats to his face and blowtorch the other end of the jar so the rats have to eat their way out through his face.
Natasha:
Natasha: 201
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Norman Osborn: This is my son-in-law, Peter, and his Husband, Harry.
JJJ: Is Harry not your actual son? Why does he not get the son title?
Norman: I don't ljke him.
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bitch got spider injected into him and was like “mmrrrp mowwww ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ meow purr growl grrrrr >:3”
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