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#incorrect strangeironhusbands
stxphxn-strange · 3 years
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Rhodey: What are you doing?
Tony: Stephen asked me to look after his plants for the day while he runs errands with Peter, so I’m guarding them with my life.
Rhodey: But—
Tony: I have the greenest of green thumbs. I put the ‘clue’ in succulent. I am So Capable.
Stephen, via text: James don’t you dare tell him he’s watering fake flowers
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Conversation
Rhodey: What do you want me to look up?
Tony: Can you be cremated with your spouse?
Rhodey: Not with your spouse.
Tony: IN your spouse?
Rhodey: NO!
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stxphxn-strange · 3 years
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Stephen: Hey did Pepper tell you what she wanted from the store?
Tony: I haven’t seen her today so I’m not sure, why?
Stephen: Well Christine wrote “gf pasta” on the shopping list and I don’t know what brand Pepper likes. Christine didn’t tell me.
Tony: Hm, yeah I wouldn’t know.
Rhodey: Guys... that means GLUTEN FREE pasta.
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stxphxn-strange · 3 years
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Tony: Stephen says that the next time Steve bothers me, I should ask him "what's a sardine to a shrimp?" to make him shut up.
Rhodey: What does that mean?
Tony: I have no clue, and to be honest I don't think Stephen knows either.
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stxphxn-strange · 3 years
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Stephen: Okay, where does it hurt?
Tony: Just... all over. I don’t want to do anything... I’m dying...
Stephen, on WebMD: No, that’s not how it works. You have to point to a specific part of the body.
Rhodey, outside of the room: Abour 40 times a year Tony gets really sick but has no symptoms. Stephen is always gravely concerned.
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stxphxn-strange · 4 years
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Tony: Have you ever just randomly cried because you've been holding shit in for too long?
Stephen: Every week. At least three times a week.
Rhodey: ... I was going to suggest more fiber in y'all diet.
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stxphxn-strange · 4 years
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Tony, entering with a plate of steaks: Who wants some man meat?
Stephen: I do. I want some man meat!
Rhodey, with a neutral expression: Tony, Stephen would like your man meat.
Tony: Then my man meat he shall have.
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stxphxn-strange · 4 years
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Stephen, singing: I want to see my little boy!
Rhodey, holding Tony in the air: Here he comes.
Stephen, singing: I want to see my little boy!
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stxphxn-strange · 4 years
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Villain!Stephen, to Rhodey: I’m like dropping hints to Tony that I want shrimp shaped throw pillows.
Stephen, to Tony: I want shrimp shaped throw pillows.
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stxphxn-strange · 4 years
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Tony: Hey babe do you wanna terraform my animal crossing island with me?🥺
Stephen: It would be my honor🥰
Rhodey: Why do you ACT like this you’ve been married for eight (8) years!
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stxphxn-strange · 4 years
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Rhodey: So since Strange likes shrimp so much I have to ask, can he cook? I heard most foodies can cook.
Tony: He can’t. He decided to make guacamole or something last night and stood there with an avocado stuck to his knife for a full four minutes before coming into the living room and saying, and I quote, “I don’t know what the fuck to do with this thing.”
Villain!Stephen: I’m a shrimp gremlin, not some kind of seasoned guacamole professional. Cut me some slack.
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stxphxn-strange · 4 years
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Villain!Stephen, practicing his first ever Villain Monologue: ... and that’s why they call me the shrimp simp!
Tony, giving him a standing ovation: Great monologue honey!
Rhodey: Yeah, solid job dude. By the way I’ll pay you a solid thirteen bucks to make shrimp simp merch for me.
Stephen: Do I look like I run an Etsy store?
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stxphxn-strange · 4 years
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Stephen: Hey what did yall get for number 12?
Rhodey: I got 18.
Tony: I got 9.5.
Stephen: I got Abraham Lincoln... for some reason, I don't-
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Conversation
Tony: Caffeine no longer gives me the rush I need to finish work.
Tony: So instead, I have Stephen, Rhodey, and Pepper periodically text me “We need to talk” to give me the right amount of fear and adrenaline to keep me going.
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Stephen: James, Tony wants to ask you something, and it would mean a lot to both of us if you said yes.
Rhodey: (internally) Would I have a threesome with Tony and Stephen? Well, it’s certainly flattering and I don’t think they’d tell anyone...
Tony: Will you be my best man?
Rhodey: Oh.
Tony: Huh?
Rhodey: I mean, yeah! Of course!
Stephen: Great! Also, do you want to have a threesome?
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Conversation
Rhodey: Fellas, is it gay?
Tony: It is.
Stephen: It better be.
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