Tim: *accidentally starts a fire in the bat cave* OH NO.
Damian: *sarcastically* You are SO dead, Timothy.
Dick: Where's Bruce?? No, where's Alfred?!
Tim: He's on vacation!
Dick: *panicking* Then where's Bruce?!
Damian: *calmly* He's sleeping.
Dick: Hand me a bucket of water, fast!
Dick: *pouring the water on Bruce* WAKE UP, THE CAVE'S ON FIRE!!!
Inspired by this post👇🏼
Therapist: On a scale from 1-10, rate your pain.
Tim: pi, a minimal but a never ending number.
Therapist: What the actual f*ck.
Jason: You can’t make everyone like you. You’re not Goldie.
Tim: What? Not everyone likes Dick.
Jason: What? Who doesn’t like Dick?
Jason: Names, Tim. I need names.
tim: i’m going to get some fresh air
jason: yeah whatever
bruce: where’s tim?
jason: he said he wanted some fresh air
bruce: WE ARE ON A PLANE
Jason: Tim, do you think you're tall enough to play basketball?
Tim, venomously: did you just call me short?
Jason: no, more like I insinuated you're... vertically challenged.
*2 hours later*
Dick: has anyone seen Jason?
Tim, grumbling while typing furiously in a laptop: 'vertically challenged,' I'll show him vertically challenged.
Damian: Jason has gone into hiding because he called Tim short and now Tim is trying to find ways to take a foot off of Jason's height.
Dick: Tim, let's not try and take chunks out of our siblings, yeah?
Tim: IM NOT SHORT!
Dick: I think if I was a drink I'd be Cherry Vanilla Coke! What would you guys be?
Tim: Calm down, edgelords.
Jason: Ew, what kind of tea is this???
Tim: I boiled Gatorade.
Bruce: Would you jump off a bridge if the Team pressured you into doing it?
Tim: Bruce, with all due respect, my mother gave birth to a leader. An innovator. A pioneer.
Tim: I’m the first one off the fucking bridge
Tim: I just get crazier and crazier every day I'm with you!
Jason: I have that effect on humans. I just make people-
Tim: I just become more and more-
Jason and Tim in unison: mentally unstable
Tim: How do you feel?
Dick: I feel great Tim! Thanks for ask-
Tim: No, like, how do you feel?
Tim: Is there an on switch? Do I need to request a feeling? Is it given to you? Do I have to unlock it via some side quest? Is it something you eat? How do you do it?
Snowball fight at Wayne manor. Everyone is wearing brightly colored or black winter jackets, the entire yard is bright white
Bruce, wearing all black, obviously: “use the light parts of your outfits to blend into your surroundings”
Dick: “like use the dark parts of the Robin uniform to blend into the darkness? Look B-“
Damian: *looking around* “father?”
Tim: *searching the ground for tracks* “umm guys, did uncle Clark snatch up Bruce?”
Snowball smacks into Dick’s head
Dick: “what the hell?!”
Jason: “form a circle! He can’t get us if we’re watching from all angles!”
Bruce: *ready to get revenge for all the bullshit they pull*
Bruce: *whispering in a mocking tone* “you’re getting old Bruce, we can hear your knees a mile away Bruce”
Snowball hits the side of Tim’s head, another hits Damian’s abdomen. Damian falls dramatically on the snow
Dick: *crouching next to Damian* “No! Not the boy!”
Jason: *whispers* “oh god... he’s hunting us”
Tim: *glaring at Dick* “guess I’ll go fuck myself,” *walks away from the circle* “where you at, B? I’m joining your team”
Damian: Did you seriously bring a butter knife to this fight?!
Tim: You get angry so fast, it was the only weapon I could find on such short notice!
Dick: But you know, you have to admit it is BUTTER than nothing.
Dick: I'm sorry.
Damian: *sets the kitchen on fire*
Tim, panicking: Where’s the responsible adult ??
Damian: He’s asleep on the couch.
Jason: Don’t worry guys, I got this. Hand me a bucket of water.
Jason: *dumps water on Dick* wake up dumbass, the kitchen’s on fire.
dick: you disgust me
tim, eating a kit-kat vertically: i know and i don't care
Jason: yo did you like the food I made?
Tim, trolling: no, it was horrible.
Jason, not realizing Tim was trolling: what the fuck? it took so long to make, and I practically had to shove my fucking soul into it for it to turn out that well!
Tim, seeing the perfect opportunity: ah, that must be why it tastes dead then.
Jason, putting him in a headlock: you take that back, dipshit!
Tim: never, you bitch!
Jason: *Flicks his lighter near Tim's hand for a second*
Tim: *Doesn't flinch and looks at him*
Jason: Why didn't you flinch???
Tim, having consumed enough caffeine to kill four cows and hanging from the banister: Gₒd ᵢₛ dₑₐd. ᵢ ₖᵢₗₗₑd Tₕₑₘ.
Dick, coming in from patrol: W h a t t h e f u c k
Damian: Shouldn't we be taking out the trash?
Tim: Hold on, hold on. I have to moan about it on Gotham Plus first.
We brush with death so often we gotta start giving them high fives as we pass
-Dick to Tim
Jason: Let’s play two truths one lie
Dick: My eyes are pale gray, I can do acrobatic tricks, and I once beat the Joker to death
Jason: Okay so you get the idea, but you should really try to make this harder
Tim, walking by: His eyes are pale blue
Jason: You wHAT—