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#incorrect tons stark
Master List
Rulez
i've switched accounts, new account is @wheelerzluv
Marvel
OneShots
Medical Injuries | Teen Avenger! Reader
Y/N is rescued and fights with her mother.
^
Accidental Confessions Gone Right | Teen Avenger! Reader | Pt 2.
Peter can’t keep secrets from the Director of S.H.E.I.L.D.
Cute Nightly Routine | Peter Parker’s Sister! Reader
Spider-Man’s sister is in love with Harley Keener.
Fight or flight | Tony Stark x Niece! Reader
You get into a fight at school, so uncle Tony picks you up.
^
Father Daughter Banter | Clint Barton x Daughter! Reader | Pt 2.
Clint arrives back at Avengers Tower and learns of your fight.
Internship | Pre-Teen! Reader
Originally you interviewed to become Pepper's intern, though you receive a pleasant surprise.
Blurbs
Food Theif | Avengers x DemiGod! Reader
You’ve learned to use injuries as a way to get out of trouble.
My Love | Yandere! Steve Rogers x GN! Reader
Steve Rogers is confused by your calm nature towards him.
Headcanons
Pets | The Avengers x Reader
How they would react if you named your pet after them.
Incorrect Quotes
Nick Fury’s Car
Bucky v. Minecraft
Jail Birds
Stranger Things
Oneshots
Anxious Cuddles | Robin Buckley x Female Reader
Could you do robin x reader with anxiety? it’s something I really struggle with it and oof having her comfort would be 😮‍💨 - Requested
The Back of Your Van | Eddie Munson x GN! Reader
Was wondering if you’d be able to write an Eddie Munson one shot/imagine with Hoppers (Gn) kid. :) - Requested
Hunted Friends | Lucas Sinclair x Carver! Reader
You go with Lucas Sinclair to ‘hunt down’ Eddie Munson. - Requested
Stupid Diary | Dustin Henderson x Reader
Erica blackmails you in order to help save Hawkins from Vecna. - Requested
Love for an Accused Murderer | Eddie Munson x Reader
Could you please do a Eddie Munson x reader. Like a hurt comfort with tons of fluff? or just like the reader taking care of him because of the accused murder maybe? thanks! - Requested
Blurbs
Metal Munson | Eddie Munson x Party Member! Reader
You calm down Eddie with your favourite song.
Headcanons
Little Harrington | Mike Wheeler x Harrington! Reader
Can you do a mike x girl reader where Steve is her brother and sees them making out like Hopper in season 3 - Requested
El's First Cali Friend | El x Reader
Can u write being El's first friend in California and standing up for her as popular fem reader headcanons? - Requested
Incorrect Quotes
Taken Charge
Yearbook
Vinegar
Fsh
Social Construct
Worm
Maths
Narration
Links
Will Byers x Himbo! Reader
Sally Face
Incorrect Quotes
Muggy
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gray-wednesday · 1 year
Text
I saw a tiktok on my for you page about how a ton of women say they hate Andrew Tate but can't actually say what he does that's so bad, so here's an essay about alphamales and conformity:
One of the things that has been most stark after watching quite a few alphamale videos, especially critiques of these videos, is the central belief of these men that deep down in the psyche of biological male and female people is this instinctive drive to exhibit stereotypical behavioral characteristics of their sex.
For male people they believe there is a predisposition towards being aggressive, dominating, and thinking without emotion(?). But female people are passive, submissive, and assert there sphere of mental strength in emotional intelligence.
This assignment of behavioral characteristics is not completely unfounded, as in American culture children are conditioned from a young age to exhibit behaviors aligning most closely with their sex. But they have not been scientifically proven to be instinctual or genetic so saying that they apply to every member of a sex is incorrect and also comical.
'Alphamales' typically use these behavioral characteristics in order to facilitate sex between members of different sexes; which is done by making interactions between these sexes formulaic. To 'alphamales' female people are like a puzzle game (think a rubik's cube), they're fundamentally the same but require different steps to solve them depending on how they're scrambled up. Functionally there are a few set moves or ways to behave towards a rubik's cube that will allow you to solve it. And since each rubik's cube is the same, methods that worked on one woman should be just as applicable to another.
Women being the same, then, is something that 'alphamales' want. If every female person is the same, and the same tricks work on every single one, it makes it easier to have sex with as many as possible; something which, I have discovered from watching their videos, is desirable so that they can achieve the end of finding the 'best one'. This ideal woman would of course only differ from other women in her looks, talents (in exempli cooking, cleaning, sexual pleasuring, et cetera), and ability to portray herself as the 'alphamale's' sanitized ideal woman. This proves that 'alphamale's' don't see women as real people, (or at least not in the way that they see other men as real people). Women are accessories that can be compared and traded like pokemon cards.
However, in reducing female people to one cookie cutter model, 'alphamales' face the consequence of being reduced to carbon copies of each other as well. The people making these videos prescribe certain stereotypically masculine behaviors to their followers in order to be more attractive to their cookie cutter woman. In some cases, they tell them how to dress 'correctly' and once I saw a guy tell his following that certain piercings were only for girls. The men who subscribe to this ideology risk losing their individuality and introduce throes of the same toxic man in different forms into society, which just makes it worse for everyone because 'alphamales' see themselves as ideal versions of manhood and thus everyone else as inferior, meaning that they have no respect for anyone other than other 'alphamales'.
Thus, the central dogma of the 'alphamale' movement is a desire for conformity. They believe that a person's sex dictates their role in society and reduce people to that assigned role. It's stupid and funny because people are diverse and vibrant and are never going to fit into those reduced roles no matter how much they try to force them into them. Pretending that people can be confined to such things makes a person treat others like objects, which is gross and a blight on society.
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allgaeswelcome · 2 years
Text
My thoughts on Spiderman: Homecoming
Not that anyone asked lol
Things I noticed:
-Rue from Euphoria seems to have a ton of personality overlap with MJ.
-I thought that the incorrect quotes about Peter destroying a Quinjet were jokes, not like a serious thing where he actually destroys one.
-Am I the only one that left this movie certain that MJ’s some flavor of neurodivergent? I can’t be the only one, right?
-Mary Hollis is in this too, I knew her initially as the creepy trafficker from Euphoria.
Things I liked:
-I thought that Peter’s little movie was very cute, but I was concerned that Happy was abducting him. 
-Peter’s quite the high-energy kiddo.
-I loved all of the texts that Peter send Happy.
-3,803 piece lego set. Damn I’m jealous.
-Peter’s just... sitting there and stimming.
-I love that this seems realistic of high schoolers
-Aunt May is awesome
-MJ just sitting there in the gym, lifting her book up and down as a workout.
-I like that Liz and Peter seem to have a decent friendship to build their maybe-romance
-I love how Peter is constantly happy to see Tony, even if he just fell like goodness knows how far through the atmosphere.
-Peter: “They keep treating me like I’m a kid!” Also Peter: Literally bouncing on the bed.
-While the other kids are swimming, MJ’s just sitting there, reading by the pool. 
-More stimming :)
-MJ’s the reason the decathlon team won
-I liked MJ’s Washington Monument callout.
-The scene where Peter saved the other kids was so cool
-Baby Monitor Protocol. LOL.
-Donald Glover :)
-MJ clowning Peter in detention is one of the best things that she’s ever done.
-MJ: 
Tumblr media
/lh
Peter: ????
-Nice save, Ned!
-I liked that the reflection was 1/2 Peter, 1/2 Spidey.
-Really liked the thing at the end with Peter and Liz. They both held good boundaries, still cared about each other.
-I feel like Peter made the best decision for him.
-the credits were fun, if a little glitchy.
What I didn’t like:
-Tony didn’t need to sexualize Aunt May. It was gross and unneccesary.
-About Peter’s costume change: You cannot. And I mean cannot. take off a button-up shirt without undoing the top button. You just can’t. 
-Tony wasn’t even physically there? Come on, man.
-It’s weird that Tony’s okay with borderline-trafficking a kid across a continent but isn’t okay with said kid hitching a ride to Maryland?
-Why did they need to have Flash sexually harass Peter? Unnecessary.
-Cap’s videos. Enough said there. 
-”Bye, Mr. Criminal” This was petty and rigid and again, UNNECESSARY. of peter to do.
-The whole car ride with Peter and Liz’s dad was so fucking uncomfortable.
-The yelling montage of Peter like showing off his masculinity just felt like it was thrown in there cause someone said that it should be, not cause it actually added to the story.
-”Boundaries are good” coming from you, Stark, this is hilarious.
-The analogy was gross. Like, too gross. Good that Tony recognized this though.
-Are the Avengers gonna fucking abduct/coerce Peter into living with them?
-Post-credits bullshit is my new least favorite Captain America.
Quotes I liked:
-”How’s your daughter?” -Peter
-”Weird Alien Tech”-Peter
-”Am I?” MJ
-”I like coming here to sketch people in crisis.”-MJ (but could totally have been said by Rue from Euphoria)
-”I like bread.” Aaron (me too, Aaron. Me, too.)
-”I don’t want those weapons in this neighborhood. I have a nephew who lives here.”-Aaron
-”Cut the bullshit.”-Aunt May.
-”I’m looking at... porn.” -Ned Leeds, certified cinnamon roll.
-”They don’t care about us, Peter.”-Vulture
-”What are you hiding... Peter?”-MJ
-”What the f-” -Aunt May
“Protesting is patriotic!”-Teacher dude.
Evidence for the Trans Peter Parker headcanon:
-Penis Parker
-Why is Peter getting the puberty talk at 16?
-Ned asked if Peter could lay eggs.
-And why did Aunt May chose the word “flowering”?
-Penis Parker (Part 2)
-Penis Parker (Part 3)
-”I’m not a girl, I’m a BOY. I mean, a-a MAN.” “I’m not a girl, I’m a MAN.”
-Peter being unfamiliar with ties and cologne.
Anyhow. This is the end of this rant.
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hxwko · 5 years
Conversation
[Peter and Harley fighting in the background as Nebula is trying to get them to not kill each other with pillows]
Tony, shocked what he's just come home to:
Morgan: I'm the good kid! Make me brownies.
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bisexual-chupacabra · 3 years
Text
*Peter is cooking*
Y/N: Any chance that’s for me?
Peter: It’s for Mr. Stark. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need them on my side.
Y/N: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.
Peter, looking up at Y/N: Really? seems like it would be you area of expertise.
Y/N: Wait-
Y/N, in shock: Spiderboy you know how to be mean???
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jedi-luca · 2 years
Text
Tony: Great they stole my laptop!
Y/N: Yeah, well they stole my surge protector!
Tony: How does that even compare?
Y/N: Tony, I am now going to be prone to surges.
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housepartyprotocol · 3 years
Text
Peter, texting Tony: A theif. Tony: Thief? Peter: Theif. Tony: I before E except after C. Peter: Thceif. Tony: No.
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incorrectmarvelkids · 3 years
Conversation
Tony: Peter, I'll be the first to tell you, money doesn't buy you happiness.
Peter: Well duh, but if I'm gonna be depressed either way, I'd rather be depressed and able to afford extra guac than depressed and broke.
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peter: i cut my finger and it’s bleeding.
tony: just put pressure on it.
peter, to his finger: if you don’t get a job your family will disown you.
tony: no-
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peppersonironi · 3 years
Note
12, 21, 19
(Is this late? Oops. Sorry!)
12: Favourite character to write about this year
Stephanie Brown, easy. She's my spirit animal, so I might be doing a touch of projecting, but I honestly don't care. She's just pure chaos in the best way. Some of my favourite lines that I've written are for her. Such as:
"What's up bitches? I brought donuts!"
"My waffles await!"
"FEAR ME!"
"Welcome to Steph’s Glitter Bomb Palace, Where Snitches get Stitches™! So don’t tell Bruce or I’ll sic Jason on you."
She's also the character I've gotten the most comments on. People really seen to enjoy how I write her!
A close second would be Duke Thomas. Bliss, a fic I wrote for the 2020 Duke Week, was one of my favourites! Or maybe Damian? His dialogue just comes easy to me.
21: Most memorable comment/review
the batfamily exist:
everyone: is,,is that allowed?
On Code Orange (Batfam/Young Justice Crossover)
*Or*
I have wanted to read a DCU/MCU crossover for a VERY long time. This story is such a delight. Your characterisation (and for me an introduction to The Signal) was fascinating in the extreme. I loved the game playing and the fact that I could watch (open-mouthed) as Bruce Wayne enjoyed childlike fun with his children and Alfred(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) was the cherry on top of the icing on top of the cake. I look forward to your updates in a way that you wouldn't believe.
On Batfam/Avengers Crossover
19: Any new fics to start next year
Oh boy. So many. You know what? Here's a list. It'll be good to get these ideas out. Plus, you guys can tell me what you'd rather see first!
Gen/just Batfam
Crack fic based off this piece of dialogue (came from a convo between my sister and I): Tim reached forward and poked Duke's face. "You're right!" He exclaimed. "You really *do* squish like a block of wood!" Duke Centric.
Based on THIS Incorrect Quotes. Talia moves into the Manor because she's sick of Ra's. Featuring a bunch of good mom!Talia.
Based off THIS Incorrect Quotes. Jason runs for President as Red Hood. I have so many ideas! This'll be really fun.
Loosely based on THIS post. It explores Jason and Cassandra's relationship, and how it evolves.
Duke Thomas Big Bang Fic (can't say much, but it'll be great!)
Platonic (need to be certain you understand that. There were some misconceptions w/ my Discord server) Slow Burn between Tim and Damian. At the beginning the absolutely despise each other. But over time they realise their own insecurities, and how they don't actually hate the other. And by the end they fully admit and embrace their being brothers.
Reverse Robins with Damian as the oldest (I made THIS post talking about it a while back. But I've highly revised it.)
Reverse Robins with Duke as the oldest (I wrote THIS fic, but I think I want to change this into a series!)
Cassandra as Batman. Stephanie as Catwoman. Carrie Kelley as Robin.
5 Times Bette Kane was the mastermind behind the batkids' pranks without Bruce's knowledge, and 1 Time her brilliance was brought to light.
5 Times Duke thought that he couldn't possibly get any more siblings and 1 Time he met the cousins (AKA: Duke meets the extended family)
Birdflash
Birdflash in the JL/JLU universe (based off that one hexagon by @novaviis ! Super fun!). The league is inviting potential members to the Watchtower one day. Except Wally wasn't there during the choosing of said members. So he's completely shocked when his husband Nightwing shows up. They have to act like they don't know each other, which basically involves Dick flirting his butt off with Wally, Wally trying desperately to remain professional, Bruce digging in the corner, the rest of the League in varying degrees of disapproval and confusion (at least a couple have seen Wally's wedding ring. So that adds a while 'nother layer).
Young Justice soulmate au. Dick, and eventually everyone else, knows that Wally is his soulmate. Wally is oblivious. Lots of pining and angst in this one. Slow burn to an extent (depends on how long I make it). But definitely a happy fluffy ending in sight!
Batfam Meets Young Justice
THIS fic.
Duke gets yeeted into the YJ universe, and promptly passes out. He wakes up in the Watchtower, and breaks out of the confinement the Team has set up for him. Pulls shenanigans (some unwittingly) and used his powers. The Team and JL are confused, and panicking. Because this guy keeps muttering things about the Batfam. And he has a bat on his chest.
The Team break into some ancient temple after getting info on a new Supervillian plot. They find purple clothed woman draped across a throne. She talks, and they panic, as she knows all their secret identities. The only one who isn't, is Tim. He looks bored. Alternatively: Steph needs Tim's credit card to take his sister out on a date, and absolutely refuses to text.
While the Team is on a mission to stop Lady Shiva, a dimensional portal opens up and spits out a strange Robin (Damian) and what seemed to be a female Batman (Cass as Black Bat). This new dynamic due promptly defeats Lady Shiva and all the goons. The Team is freaked out, and 'apprehends' the dimensional anomalies, bringing them back to the Watchtower. Where the due promptly break and and start chaos. Featuring "Toxic" by Britney Spears. I will not explain why.
The Watchtower gets a sudden emergency message from the Batcave. They accept, to find a stranger calling himself Signal panicking about Robin being missing. They all look at Tim, who ignores them, and says that he doesn't know where Robin is. Some naming shenanigans occur.
(Not sure if this fits here, oh well) Set in Season One, Bruce is tired of Clark's attitude towards Superboy, and adopts the clone himself. Not sure how far this'll go, but at least goes through Dick's time as Robin. (Based on THIS Tumblr post)
(Also iffy on placement) a continuation of one (not sure which? Probably Damian as older) Reverse Robins fics. It's a retelling of Season One of YJ, with Dick as Robin. Nightwing (Damian) feels protective of his brother, and so takes on the role Black Canary had in the show, training the Team. But as time goes on, he ends up being more of a big brother to the group. Cameos from the rest of the Batfam as well! And an Identity Reveal (including finding out Dick and Dami are brothers) at the end!
Batfam Meets the Justice League
Cass takes over being Batman for a bit, because Bruce was an idiot and broke his leg. This happens to line up with when the Justice League reach out to the Dark Knight, in order to extend an invitation to the league. They eventually meet Bruce as Batman, and are confused as to why he is so tall. And male.
Joyfire
Lian accidentally reveals her three parents' relationship by calling Bruce 'grandpa' over dinner.
Museum Heist
THIS fic
Operation: Seduce Nightwing. Based on a post for an ATLA ot3, Wally and Artemis realise silumaneously “Hey, we kinda have the hots for Dick” and decide together to see if he likes them back. Which involves a heck ton of over the top flirting, and shenanigans. The Team is sighing on the sidelines at their idiocy. Dick is internally combusting and thinking “Do they like me back? I’’m not sure.” 
5 times Dick and Wally fought over being the middle spoon, and one time Artemis had had enough.
Set in Season 3 (but ignores some canon), Bart is kidnapped by some mad scientist obsessed with the Speed Force. The Team mobilizes, and gets Bart back from the evil base. But when they get there, they find Wally West freed from the Speed Force. He and Artemis reunite, and everyone is happy. They prepare to leave. Then the Pick-up Squad arrive in the bioship, and Dick gets out. Everyone is expecting Dick to give Wally a hug, because hey, he's his best friend! What they weren't expecting was him to run forward and pull the speedster into a passionate kiss. They go back to the Watchtower, and some more stuff happens.
Soulmate AU where the first thing your soulmate says to you after they fall in love with you is tattooed on your body.
Post Season Two Get Together. Starts with Artemis living with Dick as opposed to Will. Might be Slow Burn? (They come pretty close to kissing) Eventually Wally comes back. Arty and Wally are back together. They both live in the same house as Dick, for convenience. Then some more Slow Burn happens. Maybe some Birdflash moments. Arty tells Wally she kinda had a thing for Dick. Wally admits the same. Maybe a touch more Slow Burn. They Eventually get together.
Batlantern
AU where Bruce met Hal back when he first came back to Gotham. Fic goes through how their relationship evolves over the years (up until current time, when Damian is 13). I'm considering a relationship reveal with the Justice League.
Hal's interactions with Bruce's kids.
Green Lantern Corp acting protective of Hal when Bruce comes to Oa. This was an ask that I got, and I'm holding off on writing it till I get as much into on the GL's as possible, as all I know if their characterization comes from that animated series, and Guy Gardener's (Hilarious!) parts on Young Justice.
Marvel
Like 3 different versions of the Peter Parker Field Trip to Stark Tower Trope.
2-part Crossover with the Batfam (they exist in the same universe), where the Avengers go to a Wayne Gala, and interact with the family. The second chapter involves them heading out the next night to try and contact Batman.
THIS fic.
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lovelyirony · 4 years
Note
Could I get number 30 "Why is arson always your first answer?" With winteriron?
England wasn’t necessarily Tony’s favorite place to be. For one thing, Pepper always asked for some sort of collection of Burberry scarves, and Tony would rather die than step foot in a store, but Pepper is the one who makes sure he gets out of countries and into countries as discreetly as possible. 
For another, England usually means either expensive art or expensive jewelry, and art is a bitch to get out of an event if you haven’t worked up a back story for the last year, and jewelry is...well. People are bound to notice if it’s famous enough. 
This go-round, it’s art. A rare miniature of a high-society woman, someone Tony doesn’t at all care about. He has a buyer from the middle of nowhere Montana, and he’s not sure why a cowboy from Montana cares about this so much, but he offered a pretty steep salary for Tony, so here he is. 
The thing is this: Tony Stark is not known as a thief. No. He is known as a reclusive billionaire who only comes out of his house, like, once a year to mourn his parents. 
Except he doesn’t do that, that’s just the yearly walk that he lets them notice and take pictures of. 
Anthony Carbonell is known as an elusive thief who likes to make fun of every single agent of any organization that attempts to track him or the works that he’s stolen. It’s cute, honestly. 
Agent James Barnes is the newest hire at SHIELD Protection, which moonlights as an insurance agency. 
His newest job is one that no one else has managed to complete: capture Anthony Carbonell, and protect the newest artwork. 
It’s sending him to England. He has to wear a suit and everything, and he’s not exactly excited about it. 
All they know is that he’s dark-haired, is shorter than six feet, and has a penchant for playing practical jokes on the agents when they end up not capturing him. 
Barnes touches down in England, follows one of their British agents to a safe-house, and gets out the tuxedo. 
God help this night. 
Tony usually isn’t thrown for a loop when it comes to guests at high society auctions. Most everyone is publicly known, or at least known when they should be known. 
There’s a new man in town. 
Tony can’t deny that he has the nicest looks he’s ever seen. A jaw that won’t quit, eyes that seem to observe everything, and a tasteful bun drawn at the back of his head. He also fills out a tuxedo quite nicely. 
Something about him screams danger. Tony smiles to himself in his cocktail; he’ll keep his eyes on that man, so far as everything goes to plan. 
Bucky can feel eyes on him, but he can’t tell if it’s because he’s technically new to all of this, or if it’s because Anthony is here and he already knows. 
He wasn’t stupid. He knew as soon as he walked in that Anthony would be here, and he would be aware. But he’s not really going to focus on the people milling about. He sticks close to the miniature, observing the security measures. 
Or lack of. 
The security measures are barely there. If Bucky could cause a distraction in the room, or maybe pull a fire alarm, he could easily abscond with it. 
He assumes that’s why the band is in another room. He had read the reports that Clint had managed to nick; the band was supposed to be playing in the room, but an anonymous guest had suggested that the acoustics were better in a room adjacent. 
He’s pretty sure that Anthony had recommended that, wherever he was. It’s not like any of the rich people would have had common sense enough to call ahead and ask about the placement of the band, and take into account the arch of the room with the acoustics of a violin. 
It’s smart, honestly. Everyone is dancing, they want to notice what other people are wearing so that they can either discreetly copy them later or make a laughing stock of them in about six minutes, give or take, and no one will notice if someone who wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place slips out. 
He’s not exactly wrong. 
But Tony has been working for an exclusive catering company for two months. Very fun stuff. He learned that he will never want to eat another crab cake again, and he learned how to improvise descriptions for food that is essentially chicken fingers and ketchup. 
Barnes is looking for someone who looks like they fit in. And Tony does, just...not in the way that he actually knows how to do. 
If he was high society, he’d be recognized immediately; everyone still knows how Howard smiled, how Maria moved around the room with the practiced grace of someone raised to be a fun little accessory on your arm. 
Tony has both of those attributes, and if people actually noticed others, they would clock him easily. 
-
He got bold. 
Too bold. 
He was serving appetizers, and he offers one to the new guy on the block. 
“Care for one?” he asks, eyes timidly looking up, energy nervous. 
“Thank you,” New Guy says, and he looks at Tony directly in the eyes. “I appreciate it.” 
No one thanks you at events like these. 
And no one looks at you. 
This was the mistake. 
-
His features are umistakable, Bucky decides. The way his head tilted when he offered the food, the way his eyes look at his, and they’re not used to being looked back at. 
It almost fooled him. Almost. 
But most who work for the upper class learn early on from someone or another that you don’t look, even if you know that they won’t spare you the time of day. 
He’s tempting the odds, and he’s exactly the kind of person who would do it. 
Bucky has Anthony Carbonell’s face memorized, from the surprisingly warm brown eyes to the way he walks away. 
Tony has blown this mission. He knows it. He fucking knows that SHIELD knows who he is right now. 
He texts Pepper, incorrect grammar and everything: 
tell guy job is over. i can refund him for inconvenience. 
what do you mean, over? 
been had. :( 
i don’t like that that’s your reaction. but get out of there, whatever means necessary. i can’t get you out of there until tomorrow morning, or i lose the deposit on your room . 
srsly??????? 
yes, seriously. the woman who let us rent it was very specific about two-day-stay. in the mean time, maybe grab a bottle of wine or something. how are you going to escape? 
well...
don’t you dare
-
Arson is an art that has to be carefully done, if you were wondering. You can just decide to do it, but you need to have some experience for it. 
Tony has. Kind of. 
He has a matchbook from a local hotel that he went into, and it’s been tucked into a pocket of his pants, and he is currently debating if he can actually finish the job or not. 
“Is arson always your first answer?” 
Shit. 
“Uh, smoke break?” Tony asks, knowing that it’s a Very Stupid Excuse because he doesn’t have any cigarettes. 
“Be real with yourself,” Barnes says. “You also have a very unfortunate British accent, as in it sounds terrible.” 
“My apologies if I didn’t work on it,” Tony says. “I’ve been too busy with...other things. Speaking of which, you’re new to SHIELD, aren’t you?” 
“You’re my first mission.” 
“How unfortunate.” 
“And why is that?” 
Tony smiles at him, and it’s disarming how genuine it looks. How genuine it is. (Bucky’s been able to spot a fake smile since he was seven and his mother let Mormons into their house. He knows a lot of things.) 
“Well, darling dearest, I’m going to make my escape.” 
“And you’re saying I can’t find you?” 
“Oh, you’ll find me. You’ll see me everywhere.” 
Tony then proceeds to kiss the ever-living hell out of Barnes. 
It is probably the best kiss of his life, honestly. 
And it leaves him dazed. 
Dazed enough that Tony only has a light jogging-pace as he makes his escape, stealing one of the various Rolls Royce cars that is parked underneath a brilliantly-lit lamp. 
Bucky keeps thinking about that line, about seeing him everywhere. 
He doesn’t know what it means. He describes Anthony Carbonell to a sketch artist, they ask around, and then there’s Friday. 
Friday. 
It’s the day everything becomes clearer and yet infinitely more complicated, because Anthony was right. 
Tony Stark is dedicated to a more “transparent’ image for his company. He’s stepped into the limelight, and all the attention is on him. Everyone in the world is stalking his every move. 
It’s smart. Bold and risky if any former clients have seen his face, although Bucky has no doubt that he has enough money to make sure they go away quietly. 
It means that he can’t be touched. For at least one year, maybe two. 
God, it’s smart. Be so well-known that even the secret agencies would be found if they even attempted to reach you. 
Pepper thinks Tony is God’s Given Idiot. 
Arson probably would have been the better choice. It’s not like the building didn’t have insurance, and it’s not like the fire would have lasted for that long. 
Instead, Tony has decided to make himself internationally known and request a meeting with the guy who could have ended his career, and still could if he talked to the right people. 
-
Sam thinks knows that Bucky is God’s Given Idiot. 
He agrees to the fucking meeting. 
It’s a well-known, public restaurant. It means that Barnes is going to be well-known, or at least photographed from an angle that’s unflattering. 
He should’ve debated, should have fought for a secluded place, or at least somewhere on their turf. God, that would’ve been an iota smarter. 
They both sit down. Peruse a menu that neither are interested in. 
Bucky is wondering what the procedure is on leftovers. And if he’s paying for his own bill in this. He was invited, but with everything going on, he’s not sure. 
Tony sits across from him. Tony, with a now-distinctive goatee, an easy elegance, and a satisfied look in his eyes. 
“You amaze me, James.” 
“Bucky.” 
“I refuse to call you that out of respect for humanity.” 
“I don’t answer to James.” 
“Then what about another nickname, hm?” Tony asks. 
“Like what?” 
“Take your pick. You could be honey, darling, or love. Or something more creative, although if it’s kinky, I’d like it in writing before I refer to you in public with that, so-” 
“James is fine.” 
“Knew it would be,” Tony says smugly. “So. Let’s talk about the fact that you know my dirty little secret.” 
“I wouldn’t call it ‘little’, would you?” 
“It’s a hobby.” 
“Rich people steal shit as a hobby?” 
“Usually not with my methods, but yes,” Tony says. “They usually do it with the careful guidance of the IRS or some shit.” 
Bucky does a little laugh at that one. 
Their waiter comes out, jovially asks how their day is going. 
“Oh it’s going magnificently,” Tony says, peering up through violet-tinted glasses. “How is yours...Lincoln?” 
“Brilliant,” Lincoln responds with a large smile. “What can I get you to drink? Our seasonal cocktail is to die for, and if you’re not in the mood for a cocktail, the cider is simply divine...” 
It’s mundane conversation. 
Tony Stark is a thief who goes by (went by?) Anthony Carbonell, and he’s listening to Lincoln the Waiter talk about seasonal drinks and desserts. 
It’s kind of...grounding. Also odd. 
“And for you?” 
Bucky fumbles with the menu. 
“Uh...water? With lemon?” 
“Refreshingly good choice,” Lincoln says, grinning. “I’ll be right back with those, you two catch up on whatever you need to catch up.” 
Bucky nods, turning to Tony with an eyebrow raised. 
“So, what do we need to catch up on?” 
“Well for one, you need to use my name. It’s Tony, and I’m betting it sounds heavenly coming from you.” 
Bucky’s eyes widen a fraction. 
“Alright. Tony. What do you need to talk about?” 
“Keeping our little secret a secret.” 
“I’ve already told others about you.” 
“Who?” Tony asks sharply. 
Lincoln comes back with their drinks, asks if they need more time to decide. 
Bucky just goes for it and orders a plate of mini quiche-things that he’s not exactly sure he’ll like. Tony orders something with a perfect accent, because of course he does. 
“You do this often?” 
“Go out to eat? On special occasions, and every other Friday.” 
“Tell me what you want.” 
“Touchy, touchy,” Tony says, unfolding his napkin. “But I...have a deal for you.” 
“And why should I take it?” 
“Because it’s going to benefit SHIELD in the long-run,” Tony says. “And they’re all about benefits, if the rumors hold up against them.”
“And what rumors have you heard?” 
“I’ve heard plenty, although I seem to recall one about a flooded pipeline and a Broadway performance being improvised.” 
Bucky shakes his head. 
“Not true? Damn...” 
Tony looks around the restaurant before his eyes meet with the captivating ones across the table. 
“I have a secret identity. So do you.” 
“And we’re against each other, aren’t we?” 
“Only sometimes,” Tony says. “I essentially steal shit because it’s either random or has a purpose.” 
“And the miniature job you pulled was what, part of a scheme?” 
“Hell no,” Tony says. “A farmer in Montana wanted to see if I could do it because the face vaguely reminded him of his great-grandmother. I also, as a principle, try to steal as much shit from England as possible.” 
That’s funny, so he laughs. 
“And what do you want from me?” Bucky asks. 
“Oh my darling dearest, I want a lot of things from you,” Tony leers. “I only want one thing from SHIELD. I want them to keep my identity secret without any strings attached.” 
“It doesn’t work like that.” 
“I was hoping you wouldn’t say that.” 
“Well, it is what it is,” Bucky says. “I’m not gonna get you what you want, but I think you knew that. That’s why I’m out here dining with you, and I’ll be in the magazines for what, about a week?” 
“And notoriety for all time,” Tony says. “Your face is known, or at least on the internet. You should be prepared for people to ask you to model, by the way. God knows that you could kill it on the runway.” 
Bucky is amused. 
“Aw, you think?” 
“Of course I do. No one is gifted with that amount of shock in their eyes and goes on life being normal.” 
“My, how flattering you are,” Bucky says. 
Lincoln brings their food. Tells them that they can take their time, but there’s the bill. 
“You know who I need to talk to,” Tony says. 
“Maybe I do,” Bucky answers, evasive as possible. 
“I know you got hired for skills, but if it was for lying, then this is child’s play,” Tony says. 
Bucky rolls his eyes. 
“It wasn’t for lying. It was because if I was about two hundred feet away, I could shoot your right pupil out and you wouldn’t even know.” 
“You think I don’t have my own tech encircling the city?” 
“No,” Bucky answers. 
Tony stops sipping on his cider. 
“Explain yourself, blue-eyed wonder.” 
"Because if you’re found out, it destroys every single reputation you’re going to have to build from the start, and the climb to the top is too delicate for that.” 
Tony sits back. 
“I’m impressed.” 
“Don’t be,” Bucky says. “But you’re going to want to meet my boss. I’ll take you to him some time this week, if you need. Or he can meet you.” 
“I doubt he’ll be able to.” 
Okay so maybe Tony shouldn’t have said that, because there is a man with an eye-patch and a truly impressive trench-coat sitting in his office chair. 
“If that’s supposed to be an intimidation tactic, that’s what I learned for my ninth birthday with dear ole’ dad,” Tony says. “Literally none of them work on me.” 
“Then change your ‘visitor’ chairs, they’re damn uncomfortable,” the man says. “My name is Director Fury.” 
“Any first name?” 
“None that you need to know. Barnes told me that you wanted to talk to me about a deal.” 
“I don’t do deals.” 
“And yet you run a business.” 
“Noted,” Tony says, leaning on the window. “So. I want to keep doing what I do, and I want you guys to butt out of it.” 
“And why would we do that?” 
“Because it’s technically only making rich people sad,” Tony says. “And the occasional museum, but oh well. And, I can easily make your life worse.” 
“You think I haven’t been threatened before?” 
“Oh I know you have, what with your sparkling personality and charm,” Tony says. “But I’m threatening the whole of SHIELD. I have been in the dark for a long time, Fury, and as much as you hate to admit it, you don’t know half of what I can do. 
The only thing people really know is that I’m a genius and so was my father, but nothing else. Neat, isn’t it?” 
Fury doesn’t say anything for a moment. 
“What’s your deal?” 
“Glad to know you know what I can do for you,” Tony says. “I can provide security and make sure that every single person has the latest technological updates. I have one stipulation: I get to make Barnes a new arm.” 
“That’s your only condition?” 
“Oh, you’ll be grateful it’s the only thing I’m asking for,” Tony says. “Believe me, I’ll still be annoying. I can promise you that.” 
Fury looks at him carefully. Tony Stark is still a mystery, although he seems to overestimate himself. Or how much Fury can actually see about people. 
“Why Barnes’ arm?” 
“Why not?” Tony asks. “After all, he deserves an arm that looks as nice as he does.” 
“No in-work relationships.” 
“Consider me not an employee,” Tony says. 
“Then you’re not on the payroll.” 
“I don’t have to be paid to get what I want to get,” he remarks. 
Fury gets up from the chair (he’ll make a note to Maria: he needs something like it soon) and gives Tony a pointed look at the doorway. 
“You sure about this?” 
Tony’s eyes gleam. 
“Are you sure you’re ready?” 
Director Fury is not ready. Tony shows up in floral-printed shirts and makes sure to blast rock music wherever he goes, or worse, metal. 
Barnes has never had a good poker face, which is why he’s the sharpshooter. Damned man turns to goo whenever the billionaire struts onto their property. 
But he’s happy about his office chair. 
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jenniboo311 · 3 years
Text
GQ: Spider-Man Goes Undercover on Reddit, YouTube, and Twitter
GQ: Spider-Man Goes Undercover on Reddit, YouTube, and Twitter by jenniboo311
Part 2 of the Social Butterfly Spidey series General |  4115 Words  |  Chapter 1/1
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The video opens with Spider-Man sitting at a table with only his torso visible, the set background a solid sky blue. He is wearing his signature mask and a simple white t-shirt, forearms bare and defined with lean muscle. He gives the camera a jaunty two fingered salute.
"Hey I'm Spider-Man," he begins in a friendly voice as he flips open the lid of the laptop in front of him decisively, "And I'm going undercover on the internet." The video cuts to a title screen as it types out "Actually Me with Spider-Man" as Spider-Man says off screen, "It's actually me!"
The screen then clears and types out a new message for its audience, "We had Spider-Man create real accounts and go undercover online."
"Let's begin!" He says as the camera cuts back to him typing into the laptop. The video shows his screen as he is typing his username and password into YouTube. Once the site logs in he selects his display picture, a cheeky shot a fan must have captured as Spider-Man swung past upside-down. "First up, let's take ourselves to YouTube."
A brief clip plays from a seven and a half minute humorous compilation of Spider-Man saves, cutting back and forth between impressive confrontations against dangerous criminals with firearms to sweetly helping older ladies with their groceries.
"From user SkepticalOfSpidey, she says," he narrates the comment as it is displayed on screen, "'Is this guy for real? How can a superhero go from dodging bullets to carrying groceries? Like how is this even on his radar? Does he actually care or is this some kind of PR stunt?'"
The video cuts to Spider-Man who replies vehemently, "I absolutely care! And I think it's hysterical people consider me "above" certain things, or they're not worthy of being on my "radar", as though I'm some hotshot. Look, the Avengers are great with the big world ending stuff, and sometimes I'm part of that too, but the little guys need help too, day to day. I'm the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, and no matter who you are, your race, your age, your sexuality, your income, whether you're a victim of a mugging or a kitten in a tree, you all deserve help when you need it. That's my personal mission, just to help people. So as long as I'm doing that I'm not ashamed."
The video cuts to show the end of his response being typed out on screen and Spider-Man hits the "Comment" button to post his answer.
Another short clip plays of footage from the scene of a crime where Spider-Man is knocking out a hulking goon in one hit, displaying his super strength. The subsequent comment is displayed on screen as Spider-Man reads it aloud, "'oh great, just what we need: another brawny idiot that uses his fists to solve problems. What we really need is intelligence. Can we get more scientists please?'"
Spider-Man reels back in his chair a little, seemingly taken aback. "Wow! Why are you so angry-" he consults the laptop again for the username, "Chelsea?" He shifts in the chair to get comfortable before responding, "First of all, another? I'm offended on behalf of my teammates. All of the people I work with are very intelligent, so I'm not sure where she's getting that you have to be an idiot if you have muscles. Secondly, I am a scientist, actually. I specialize in biochemistry, though I also dabble in engineering, physics, and programming. I have an IQ upwards of 250, which if you want to compare to the likes of Tony Stark, is around 270, who also kicks ass by the way."
He straightens his shirt indignantly, "Though hopefully I didn't give too much away with that. My point is," he points at the camera, "you can have both brawn and brains. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise, people. Defy the societal norms."
The comment section displays on screen again and scrolls down the page until it hits another comment. "'How strong is Spider-Man?'" He lounges back in his chair and taps the fingers of his right hand on the table idly, "Well, last we checked I could bench press about ten tons. Tony and I ran some tests about eight months ago to find out, so it could have changed since then but likely not by a large amount. So I'm going to say ten tons, give or take."
Another video clip plays that shows Spider-Man swinging confidently on his web before suddenly taking a wrong turn and eating billboard. The jarring collision dislodges his grip and he falls several feet to land on a garbage bin, whose lid caves in immediately under his weight. He reads aloud, "'Ouch. I wonder how that felt.'" Spider-Man laughs quietly, not afraid to laugh at himself. "To be honest with you Joshua, it did not feel good. That billboard actually broke my nose, though the garbage bin helped break some of the fall. There's definitely worse things I could have landed on. I don't get distracted often but it still happens sometimes. Web slinging is hard, okay?!
"Wikipedia!" he says off screen, as the visual on screen shows Spider-Man logging in to the Wikipedia webpage with the username, '[email protected]'.
"Let's see here," Spider-Man says before devolving into mumbles as he reads the information supplied on the website about himself. "Wait wait wait!" He exclaims after a moment and quotes the offending fact, "'His signature weapon is his webbing, which is created biologically and dispensed from a gland in his wrists at the base of his palms.'" The text in question displays on screen and zooms in on the text, "biologically", and then, "gland in his wrists".
"First of all, gross." Spider-Man rests his forehead in his hand, propped on the table with his elbow in a perfect picture of disappointment. "Second of all," he sits up straight and addresses the camera full on, "have you all actually been thinking I've been spurting real webs out of my hands at everything for the past few years?!" After a beat he processes what he has just said and facepalms while mumbling, "Spurting, oh God I regret my word choice."
The video cuts to the text being backspaced as Spider-Man narrates offscreen, "This is incorrect, let's delete it!"
The video cuts back to Spider-Man reaching below the table, leaning slightly to the left to dig something out of his right pants pocket, sighing heavily. He pulls out two simple black bracelets which he pointedly holds up for the camera before slipping them on. "Web shooters: 101," he says before deliberately knocking his wrists together so the bracelets make contact and activate. "Now obviously Tony Stark has gotten his hands on these and they are a little different than the originals, as you can tell by the nano technology," he explains, black colored metal creeping up his forearms to encase them in a type of bracer, "but the base mechanism is still the same as what I designed from the beginning." The nano technology finishes covering his forearms, the device quite noticeable with the stark black of the metal covering the majority of his pale exposed forearms. He flicks his hands back, palms facing upwards to show the camera, as the motion triggers a small device to deploy in the center of his palms. He reaches into his pocket once more and retrieves a couple small cylindrical cartridges filled with a milky fluid which he then deftly loads into the devices at his wrists.
"In a nutshell: web shooter," he holds up his left forearm to present the whole device to the audience. "The trigger," he presents the small button resting in his palm, "and web fluid," he continues, indicating the cartridge now inserted below his wrist. He points to a spot at the base of his palm, "They got the location of the dispenser right, I guess, but it's not coming out of a gland of any kind!" He aims carefully just past the camera and shoots a quick burst by depressing the button at his palm that makes the viewer feel as though he is shooting it at them. "I developed this formula myself, in a lab, with chemicals!" He emphasizes. "It's completely synthetic, not biological by any means, and nobody had to milk me for it." He pauses, staring at the camera for a moment before looking down at the table and murmuring uncomfortably while shaking his head, "That was a strange sentence I never want to repeat." He huffs a quiet laugh.
"Quora!" Spider-Man says as the onscreen graphic shows Spider-Man logging into the website with his fake email. "What the heck is Quora? I have no idea but let's get into it.
"'How is Spider-Man such a darling? He's so sweet and wholesome and is a big, soft, cinnamon roll'," he narrates as the question displays on screen. He shifts around awkwardly and scratches the side of his head, "Aw, I dunno! But thanks Quora, you're my new favorite website.
"'How many people has Spider-Man killed?'" He narrates as the question displays on screen. "Wow guys, that's dark!" He leans forward and clasps his hands together to convey the seriousness of his response. "The answer is none. I haven't killed anyone nor do I intend to. Spider-Man is strictly nonlethal. I only use webs to detain, I don't use blades or guns of any kind. Except these guns." He lightens the mood by flexing his right arm and kissing his bicep. He holds it together for approximately two seconds before exploding in laughter. "Oh God, how do I have friends?" He mutters to himself.
"Next!" He exclaims, searching for the next question. "'Does Spider-Man wear a mask because he's disfigured?'" The question displays for the viewer to see. "Hmm, okay well the short answer is no. That's not why I wear a mask. I don't really know how to quantify my own attractiveness, that's just awkward. I think I'm perfectly average, though I've had people tell me I'm handsome. They were all terribly biased though, so take that with a grain of salt." Spider-Man's grin can be seen in the crinkling of the fabric around his mouth. "I have two eyes, a nose, a mouth, and completely normal teeth. No extra eyes or mandibles or anything. That may sound like a strange thing to say but you'd be surprised how many times I have to clarify that," He snorts. "I cover my face because dealing with so many street-level criminals puts me on the radar of a lot of people who want revenge against me and anybody I care about. So if my identity was known I'd have to constantly watch my back, and my loved ones would be in danger. Of course there are contingencies for if that happens but in the meantime I want as normal a life as possible for me and mine."
Spider-Man clicks away on the laptop until the next question displays on screen. "'Does Spider-Man give autographs and selfies?'" He narrates. "I do, but all I ask is that if you catch me out in the wild and I look busy or distracted, to please not bother me. Most times the people I save are a bit too traumatized to be thinking about getting my autograph at the moment, but if the night is slow or I'm taking a break I'm happy to give an autograph or take a photo with you if you ask. Your best bet is probably at fundraisers and charity events, if I am in attendance, since I'm not focused on crime fighting and am just interacting with people."
The next question displays on screen, "'Is Spider-Man single?'" The video cuts to Spider-Man shifting uncomfortably. "Uh, I'm not comfortable confirming that sort of thing. Like I said, people in my orbit are in danger so I don't want to bring any kind of attention to who I surround myself with, even if their names are as yet unknown. The less information going around about that the better. So all I'll say is that at the very least I am not looking for a relationship." He awkwardly clears his throat before moving on.
"'How strong are Spider-Man's webs?' Strong enough to restrain the Hulk. Seriously," he nods at the camera, "I know this for a fact. We, and by we I mean the Avengers and I, had a code green sometime last year and out of sheer desperation I let the webs fly. By the time I was done he was basically in a cocoon but hey, it worked! Hulk looked pretty cozy actually." His eye lenses squint in amusement.
"Now let's go to Facebook," he says as the video shows him logging into Facebook and selecting a new profile picture, a closeup of Spider-Man shooting the camera finger guns.
"'Who would win in a race between Spider-Man and Captain America?'" He claps his hands together once in excitement, "Me! Because I'm obviously superior to Cap in every way!" He barks out a laugh and mumbles, "He'll let me have it for that comment! No I'm joking, Cap is awesome. I'm actually not lying though. We had a race, because science, and I clocked in at about two hundred miles per hour while Steve maxed at about seventy. Nothing to sneeze at of course, but not quite up to Spidey's par!" He gives another cheesy arm flex, this time with both arms. The video cuts to Spider-Man typing out the last of his answer and finishes it with two flex emojis before submitting it.
"'Do you think Spider-Man has any hidden talents?'" He looks seriously into the camera. "Well if I told you, they wouldn't be secret talents anymore, now would they Gerald?" He cocks his head to the side in thought. "I guess I can tell you that I can dance? I took dance and gymnastics for awhile when I was a kid, which is probably why I'm so agile and acrobatic now. My enhancement made me even more agile and acrobatic, but it was already there to some degree to begin with." He gives a careless shrug.
"'Coffee or tea?' Well I try not to drink either of them to be honest. Caffeine and spiders don't mix! Sometimes I can't avoid it though, lots of late nights being Spider-Man, so in those cases I drink coffee. Funny trivia for you, but I used to love lemonade. I must have inherited some spidery traits because lemon is a deterrent and I can't tolerate it now. I mean it won't kill me, I just find it unpleasant. Don't want criminals thinking they can spray me with lemon juice or something. I'll just be annoyed and smell funky fresh while I kick your ass." His eye lenses squint as his mask crinkles around the mouth. "My beverage of choice is actually apple juice, because I'm twelve years old." He snickers and hits the submit button to post his answer, complete with a baby emoji.
"'How are you doing? Are you getting enough sleep? Do you need a hug?'" He shifts forward to prop his chin on his hand. "I'm doing good, thank you for asking. I am absolutely not getting enough sleep, but neither is anyone else I know so I'm in good company. And I absolutely need a hug. I love giving people hugs and will one hundred percent hug you if you ask me to and I'm not busy. There's lots of Spidey to go around, I love each and every one of you."
He reads the next question silently first and barks a laugh before narrating, "'What even is your life?' Dude, I have no idea. If you had told young Spidey that one day he'd be flipping all over the city fighting crime and battling aliens with a superpowered team of highly skilled famous individuals he'd probably check you for fever and then back away slowly.
"Up next, Instagram! I know all about Instagram, I use it all the time." The video shows him once again logging into the website
"'Does anyone else desperately want a reality TV show with Spidey and the other Avengers? I would kill to watch hours of Spidey being a sarcastic little shit to bank robbers and Tony Stark just being a mess.'" Spider-Man laughs. "Wellllll," he hedges, "you might not have to wait that long. I've been toying with the idea of creating a YouTube channel and posting some shenanigans on there. Now, mind you, it won't be expertly edited or anything, I really don't have the time for that, but it would be something. Keep an eye out for that soon."
The video next displays a picture on Instagram that a fan had posted of a young Spider-Man from his early days coming out of a porta-potty with a string of toilet paper streaming off the bottom of his boot. The comment reads, "'Check out this disaster. What is going on here?'" Spider-Man looks straight at the camera, unimpressed, and deadpans, "Everybody poops, Deborah."
He navigates to the next picture, which is of a kneeling Spider-Man getting mauled by an enthusiastic, fluffy golden retriever. "'Was he a good doggo?'" He reads aloud. "He was best boy. What a good doggo!" He grins big through his mask.
"Now here we go to Twitter," he says as he logs in and selects a profile picture. "This is probably the social media I use the most. I'm thinking about deleting the app off my phone for a little while though, it's starting to consume my life. It's nice being able to connect to the public with it but I'm starting to find it difficult because people get so disappointed when I have to step away. Saying no to people is hard! And I have an extremely busy life so I can't keep this up forever. I've got cats to cuddle and lives to save! Gonna have to dial it back a bit I think."
The screen displays a tweet from user EmmaRox as Spider-Man reads it aloud, "'Do you think the abs are real or does he pad his suit?'" Spider-Man snorts and slaps his chest in mirth. "Well I would think that the fact I can lift a bus is proof enough, but here you go," he says and lifts his shirt to expose his impressively sculpted abs for just a moment before dropping his shirt and shaking his head in embarrassment. "Not padded."
The video cuts to the next question as he reads, "'What do you do in your free time?'" He looks at the camera and his left eye lens shifts as though he has furrowed his eye brow. "Free time? What's that?" He snorts, "No seriously, there's not much of that to go around. If I'm not on patrol or sleeping or training, I'm trying to keep up with my personal relationships and trying not to spend all my remaining time in the lab, with or without Tony. Like I said before, I'm a scientist, so a lot of my downtime is devoted to developing better tech, and to research to advance in these areas." He dramatically sweeps his hand across the top of his head as though he is a diva flipping long hair over his shoulder as he announces, "I'm not just a pretty face, you know." The video cuts to Spidey typing out the end of his answer, finishing it off with a queen emoji.
"'What's the best piece of advice you've ever been given?'" Displays the next question from user, David P. "That's a good question, David. Hmm," he strokes his chin thoughtfully, "I would have to say 'With great power, comes great responsibility'. It was advice given to me by one of the two most important people in my life, and I have carried that motto in my heart ever since. It was advice that ultimately lead to the creation of Spider-Man, actually. I have these fantastic powers, so I consider it my responsibility to do something good with them." He wrings his hands together at what looks to be an uncomfortable topic for him to speak about. After a beat he continues his answer, "The second best advice I've ever gotten, however, was 'It is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring', which you'll also notice I take very seriously in that I am incredibly ridiculous. I mean if there's a person out there who spouts more bad puns in the face of danger than me, I haven't heard of them." He quietly snickers to himself.
"'If you had to choose three adjectives to describe yourself what would they be?'" He doesn't hesitate when he rattles off, "Genius, witty, humble." He stares at the camera seriously for a moment before he cracks and laughs. "No seriously, uh, probably awkward, smartass, and nerdy." He shrugs for lack of a better answer.
"Reddit!" He says as he logs into the page and selects a display picture of Spider-Man facepalming.
"'Do you have any pets?'" Spider-Man reads. "No. My apartment doesn't allow pets, sadly, but I love animals. And actually I do hang out with Tony a lot and I have to constantly make sure he's fed and watered because he forgets, so I feel like that's close enough." He covers his mouth with a hand to hold in his snort but a strangled one escapes anyway.
The next post shows a piece of fan artwork that is poor quality and is obviously from an inexperienced child. It depicts a heroically posed Spider-Man saving a young boy from a burning apartment complex window. The young artist in question posted the caption, "'I know it's not any good but spiderman saved me and my mom from a fire. I really want to say thank you so I drew him this picture. If anyone gets the chance to talk to spiderman can you please show him this and tell him I love him?'" Spider-Man looks at the picture on the laptop for a long moment and audibly takes several loud swallows. He looks at the camera and says hoarsely, "I love you too, bud. And I'm glad you're doing okay. It was my absolute pleasure to help you that day and I'm so glad I was there. I love your drawing and I think you're so very talented. I'm going to print this out and post it on my fridge so I can see it everyday and think of you. Study hard in school and be good for your mom!" He looks down at his lap and clears his throat, filling with emotion. After a moment he looks up and clasps his hands.
"That's it! We're done!" He says as he shuts the laptop with a snap and his eye lenses squint in a smile. "I hope you enjoyed watching and learning a little bit about me. See you around!"
The video fades to the GQ logo before ending.
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Comments: ----------------
magicalbluecookies omg that last one killed me. Spidey got all choked up Friedfishcat I live for Spidey telling us he loves us. I stan a Spiderboi not afraid of his emotions. kitty22803 Am I the only one who took a screenshot of his abs? TeamIronDad Bahahaha subtly roasting cap and iron man. I wanna be a fly on the wall of their common room, I bet they're all hilarious to watch together lovelyjourneys Does this cinnamon roll ever rest? He needs a nap! And some milk or something! saucysquatch "Everybody poops, Deborah." Dumbledork I will die if he actually makes a youtube channel, please actually make this a thing! enchanted_nightingale Nooooooo dont delete twitter! kim_cc I once got a hug from spidey!! I was crying after he saved me from almost getting hit by a car and he asked if i needed a hug. It was the best hug of my life. Isi1dur Spidey is 12 years old confirmed, someone call the press xoxheartErin Spidey, post a video of you dancing!!! Proof or it didn't happen! Slyrocker Spiderman is asked how's he's such a soft cinnamon roll, proceeds to then prove he's a soft cinnamon roll Hi NOBODY HAD TO MILK ME FOR IT UselessDiamond19 Holy crap his web shooters are so cool! chrissyglikesbooks 250?! His IQ is 250?! Einstein was 160!!!! I feel faint. amillionmiles Spidey eating that billboard is about how my week is going honestly Mira Spidey is such a smart boi! He's going to make a great husband when I marry him.
TotallyNotDeadpool Well I guess this is all we have to live for now that you're out of the MCU
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hellsbellschime · 4 years
Note
Hi, love your meta’s. I read earlier that you haven’t done a meta comparing Klaus and Damon, but do you think you could do one? Just explaining why they are different and which one is in your opinion better (as far as complexity, characterization, development, and whatever else you could think of goes) and just which one you prefer.
It’s actually kind of bizarre to realize that I haven’t done a meta about this before, since TVD positioned both Klaus and Damon in the obvious position of the “crazy, impulsive vampire, in love with his brother’s girl”. And I think on the surface that Damon and Klaus were meant to be pretty similar, but I think that below the surface, either by accident or by design, they have some pretty stark differences that at least explain to me why I like Klaus so much and don’t like Damon very much at all. 
In terms of the TVD world they’re both fairly developed and complex characters, and I think the most obvious similarity between them is that they’re the type of people to act now and think later. They’re also both the type who pretend to be absolutely fine with being the bad guy, but their behavior over time would indicate otherwise. But, at least in my mind, that is where the meaningful similarities between Damon and Klaus end. 
Now that I’ve actually rewatched some TVD for the first time in literal years (and since I could do that with some of the lingering meta requests I have in my inbox in mind) I think what struck me about Damon’s behavior in contrast to Klaus’ is that while they both act out on their emotions without really thinking it through, Damon almost always tries to fix things afterwards whereas Klaus really does not. 
It’s hard to say whether or not that’s a good thing or a bad thing, I mean theoretically it should be good that Damon at least tries to rectify the awful things that he’s done, but on the flip side of that, it feels like Damon often times excuses his own bad behavior because, in his own mind, he’ll just find a way to fix it later. And while he never actually fixes anything, he does find a way to reconnect with the people that he cares about, which is really the only thing that matters to him anyway. 
But where I think Damon’s character development loses out when it comes to this pattern is in the fact that he can continually go through these bouts of absolutely insane, awful behavior, and then “fix it” without ever experiencing any self-reflection or introspection. Damon has found a system that works for him, which allows him to be the “bad guy” without actually having to believe that he’s the bad guy, and without actually forcing him to think about anything that he’s done in any meaningful or self-critical way. 
And in a sense, that lack of self-criticism is something that is reflected in Damon’s relationships with other people. He almost always tries to hide or mitigate his behavior in the eyes of the people who matter to him, and while he wants them to love him, he’s also willing to lie in order to get them to care. Meaning, he is satisfied with people loving the false image of himself that he presents to them, and if the option is between being loved for being someone he’s not and not being loved for who he is, he’ll choose the former.
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In contrast to that, it seems like when Klaus screws up he almost never actually tries to “fix it”. He is also someone who (rightly) perceives himself to be the bad guy, even though, like Damon, a huge proportion of the bad things he does are done on impulse more than they’re done out of malice. He has a lot of complex feelings about being an objectively bad person, but again just as Damon does, he also uses his “bad guy” image as a shield. He psychologically allows himself to do many things he probably wouldn’t normally because he puts himself in the villain box. 
So, while Damon messes up and then tries to make up for it later, Klaus almost never does that. He does manage to reconcile with the people who love him more often than not, but he’s very rarely apologetic and he very rarely tries to sincerely justify what he’s done to them either. Ironically, while Damon sort of pushes the situation on to the people around him and asks them to be the ones to think it through and deal with it, Klaus seems to cope with things and think them through almost entirely by himself. 
Klaus is a completely self-loathing person, despite the fact that he pretends to be the opposite, and it seems safe to assume that that’s because he does horrible things on instinct or impulse but he really processes them internally afterwards. So of course, how could any remotely intelligent person see themselves as anything other than monstrous after doing the things that Klaus has done? 
That is a huge way in which Klaus differs from Damon, and that difference expresses itself in one of the starkest ways, comparatively speaking. Damon doesn’t self-reflect, so he is satisfied with “fixing his mistakes” in an incredibly superficial way. If Elena and Stefan still care about him and engage with him after he does something terrible, then in his mind it’s no longer an issue, and it’s not something that he thinks about in relation to himself anymore. 
But Klaus is not that way. He often times doesn’t try to fix it because he understands that there is no way to fix it, at least not sincerely. Klaus knows he doesn’t deserve forgiveness for the things that he’s done, so for the most part he doesn’t even ask for it. Unlike Damon, Klaus would rather be hated for who he really is than loved for someone that he’s not. I think that choice is something that is partially driven by insecurity and fear, but I also think that it’s just a result of Klaus spending a lot of time and energy analyzing himself and his own behavior, and how other people should and do relate to that. 
Klaus desires love more than nearly anything else, however he has a very hard time believing that anyone would ever love him. But because this is something that is simultaneously an all-consuming desire and something that he really never gets, he’s desperate for whatever love he gets to be “real”. He wants to be seen for who he really is, even if that reality is terrible, and he’d rather be loathed for being himself than be loved for being someone else. 
                                                ---------------------
And although Damon and Klaus had a lot of interactions throughout the show, I think most people rightfully point out the “what is it you say to her” as their most meaningful interaction. And of course, I agree with that assessment, and I think that the difference between the two in this scenario really speaks to their differences as characters. 
The idea of Klaus asking Damon for interpersonal relationship advice and Damon offering it is actually one of the funniest moments in the series, because you could not find two assholes who are worse at creating, maintaining, or developing relationships with other people. It’s actually priceless that Klaus even asked, because anyone with a lick of common sense would realize that it’s a horrible idea. 
However, Klaus does have common sense, so the fact that he actually did ask speaks to his ability to self-reflect even more, in my mind. Damon is the last person anyone should seek out for relationship advice, but I think what Klaus picked up on here is the fact that he and Damon both do equally terrible impulsive things, and Damon does manage to maintain relationships with other people in spite of it. So he’s not asking because Damon can give good advice, he’s asking because Damon can potentially give advice that is relevant to him. 
Damon’s assessment of the situation and difference between them is unsurprisingly incorrect. Damon’s excuse is that he does what he does with purpose, whereas Klaus just does them to be a dick. That is untrue of their behavior on both ends, because Klaus does do a lot of things with a specific purpose behind them and Damon does tons of stuff just to be a dick. However, that is a perfect example of how Damon rationalizes his own behavior and only looks at it in an incredibly superficial way. 
Damon telling himself that he only does these things because he needs to allows him to do whatever he wants for whatever reason he deems necessary while still telling himself that the real him is better than that. The bad guy mantle is just a hat he puts on when it’s needed and it’s something he can take off when he wants. Klaus on the other hand might rationalize things in that way to the people around him, but he doesn’t make those rationalizations to himself. 
To me what is most interesting in this interaction is that Klaus asks for Damon’s advice but he doesn’t take it. Klaus actually asking for anyone’s advice, ever, is enormous, so it’s clear that he wouldn’t have done that if he hadn’t actually wanted to rectify things with Caroline somehow. Klaus showing any form of vulnerability is rare, so why would he show that vulnerable side to Damon of all people? Well, because it actually meant something. 
So the fact that Klaus doesn’t take Damon’s advice is very telling. He doesn’t take it because he doesn’t choose to rationalize what he’s done, to himself or to Caroline. Klaus is extremely adept at manipulating and tricking people, so the fact that he refuses to do it in some instances goes to show how little that ability means to him in a true emotional level. If he wanted to fool everyone into believing that he was someone he wasn’t, he could very easily do that. So the fact that he chooses not to, and that he would rather have Caroline (or Rebekah, or Elijah, or Stefan) hate him for the real him than love him for the fake him is huge. And for me, that is the biggest difference between Klaus and Damon.
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dontcare77ghj · 5 years
Text
Till the end of the line
Stucky x reader
“I don’t need a plan, I just need them back with me!” Steve exploded.
“We’re going to get them back; the point is you can’t just go rushing into this place with no plan. That’s only going to result in your death and maybe theirs as well.” Natasha attempted to reason with the blonde super solider.
In her head she was kicking herself. She had been assigned the mission with you and Bucky but when the three of you had arrived, you realized the information you had been given, of only maybe a handful of men, was incorrect. Instead there felt like there was hundreds of them rushing towards you with, all with weapons drawn. Nat was closest to the jet and you had yelled at her to get back to the others and that you two would be okay. She had attempted to resist but knew it was the only plan they had.
“I don’t care.” He said like a child. He ran a hand through his blonde hair and let out a long sigh.
“Rogers think this through. You are not the only one who wants to get them out, but you are just going to get them killed and yourself in the process.” Tony stated to the man. “They have my sister and I’ll be dammed if I allow them to hurt her or one of the men she loves. Rogers, we will save them.”
“I don’t want to lose them.” Steve sighed after a few minutes of tense silence. He slumped into a chair next to Tony, who patted him on the back.
“We’re not going to lose anyone.” Tony reassured the blonde. “We’re the Avengers. HYDRA can kiss our asses.” He added with a smirk.
“Language.” Clint said. “Rogers is already worried about his girlfriend and boyfriend, and you’re trying to give him a heart attack with that disgusting language. For shame.”
“I’m never going to live that down.” Steve muttered, cracking a small smile. “Okay what’s the plan?” Steve asked lifting his head, his face stony. This wasn’t Steve anymore, this was barely Captain America, this was a man who would do anything to save the ones he loved.
Y/N let out a low groan as she awoke. Her neck cracked as she lifted her head. The room around you was filthy. The walls were covered in grime, the light was dim and the whole place reeked, the stench was overpowering.
Looking down Y/N realized her arms were bound to the chair, with metal cuffs. You jerked your arms sharply, attempting to break the bounds. You pulled as hard as you could, the only thing it accomplished was the blood now dripping down your hands.
“Stop that.” A gruff voice, from across the room, rasped. Snapping her eyes to the source of the voice, Y/N saw her boyfriend is a very similar position. Bucky’s hair hung in front of his eyes, one of his arms was bound in a similar fashion to the chair and his metal arm seemed to have been forcefully removed. Looking around you could see his arm in the corner of the disgusting room, as well as the bracelet you wore like Tony’s, glancing at your wrist you could see yours was indeed missing and you cursed
“Buck.” You stated hoarsely. “Are you okay? Do you know where we are?” You questioned, involuntarily pulling at the cuffs in a panic.
“Stop that.” Bucky repeated at your panicked movements. “You’re only going to hurt yourself. I’m okay, your okay, we’re both going to be fine.”
“Where are we, Bucky?” You questioned licking your dry lips.
“A HYDRA base I think. I can’t be certain where but it’s defiantly one of theirs.” Bucky responded calmly.
“Fuck.” You cursed leaning your head back against the wall.
“Doll, it’s okay, we’re going to be fine.” Bucky said soothingly. “If Steve were here what would he say to that language?” He added with a smirk.
“He’d say the same thing, Buck.” You said gruffly, but a slight smile crossed your face. “I’m going to kill whoever gave us that information.”
“Knowing Stevie and your brother they probably already are.” Bucky replied. Before you could reply the sound of echoing footsteps could be heard from outside the room. Bucky’s head snapped towards the door as you watched him tense.
The door opened with a low creak. Light entered the room, penetrating the dim lighting they had previously been sitting in. A figure strolled into the room and when they saw his face Bucky growled and you glared.
Alexander Pierce.
“Well Buck, think we’ve figured out what the stench was.” You snarled, eyes blazing with fury. Pierce walked towards you with a smirk, he stopped just in front of you and reached out to touch your cheek.
You jerked your head away from him and spat directly onto his face. This action seemed to anger him, and he slapped you, hard, your head snapped harshly to the side. Bucky snarled lowly from across the room.
“Get the fuck away from her!” He exclaimed, jerking around in his chair.
“Calm down, soldier.” Pierce said coolly as stepped away from you and turned towards Bucky. “A slap is the going to be the least of either of your worries.”
“When I get out of here you’re going to wish all you got was a slap.” You replied smartly.
“I see your still a smartass like your brother, Miss Stark.” Pierce spoke with a blank look.
“Oh, sweetheart my ass isn’t the only smart part of me.” You uttered with a smirk. Bucky looked at you with a look of disbelief.
Pierce didn’t respond, only allowed a slight smirk to appear on his lips as he walked behind you. Your head was yanked backwards, and you hissed at the stinging in your scalp. A knife was placed at your throat as he leaned down towards your ear.
“The only thing your smartass comments will get you is hurt, ‘sweetheart’.” He said mockingly.
“What do you want Pierce?” Bucky demanded of the light-haired man.
“Patience soldier.” Pierce stated, lifting his head to look at the brunette. “If you’re in a rush things tend to get, ‘messy’.” He added pressing the knife into your neck further. You hissed as a drop of blood ran neatly down your throat.
“Pierce leave her alone.” Bucky demanded again. “You don’t want her, so just let her go.”
“When did you get so sentimental soldier?” Pierce queried as he moved away from you again. You watched as he walked over to your boyfriend, Bucky gave you a look, as if begging you to remain quiet, before turning his gaze back to the man in front of him.
Bucky remained silent, his gaze never wavering from Pierce. “Not going to respond, solider? Shame, you used to be so much more compliant.” He mused.
“What do you want, Pierce of shit?” You questioned with a smirk. Bucky gave you a slight glare as you antagonized the man, but Pierce just turned to face you slowly.
“What I want is my solider back.” He said as the door opened again and three men with the HYDRA logo walked in. One was wheeling in a machine and the other two carrying heavy bags, which made a clanking sound when they were dropped to the ground. “And I always get what I want.”
“Well, there’s a first time for everything.” You said, watching the men begin to set up what appeared a machine. “You’ve got to an even bigger idiot than I thought, if you think we’ll let that happen.”
“That’s where you come in Miss Stark.” Pierce said looking at you. “You see unfortunately for us, when we get our soldier back, he’ll unfortunately still remember you and Steve. And we can’t have our solider misbehaving over some memories of you two, so think of yourself as his reward.”
“You won’t touch her!” Bucky yelled as the men began to move their contraption over to him.
“You’re fucked in the head Pierce.” You growled pulling at the restraints again.
“Don’t worry Y/N, you won’t be alone. That blonde boyfriend of yours will be here soon too.” Pierce added, with a large smirk as you Bucky began to protest.
“You wont touch either of them!” Bucky snarled, the three men began attacking electrodes to his body and he began jerking around in his chair.
“I swear to Thor, Pierce, when I get out of here no-one in the history of torture, has been tortured with torture like the torture you’ll be tortured with.” You growled as Pierce stood in front of you and grabbed your face in one of his hands.
“That mouth of yours is starting to really piss me off, princess.” He muttered, as he pulled out a gun. “Wonder if your boys will still love you with a hole in your face?” He pondered pushing it into your cheek. “Start the process.” He commanded to the men surrounding Bucky.
“Don’t you fucking touch him!” You snapped and in response Pierce pistol whipped you. You grunted and kicked him in the crotch.
“Bitch.” He grunted as he cupped his family jewels. The machine behind Bucky began buzzing, the tow of you began struggling in your chairs, Bucky to get away and you to help him.
As Bucky began to yell, the door slammed open, again, and Tony and Steve stormed into the room. Tony moved over to Bucky and proceeded to destroy then machine before turning to the men surrounding him. Steve raced over to you and slammed his shield down onto Pierce, knocking him to the ground.
“Stevie.” You breathed as he grabbed the keys off Pierces’ belt. “You have no idea how good it is to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too, doll.” He replied with a slight smile as he unlocked the cuffs.
“Behind you.” You said as more men began flooding the room. One ran straight to Steve, who turned in time to hit him with his shield. With one of your hands free he tossed the keys into your lap, you hurriedly unlocked your other wrist before diving into the corner with your bracelet.
One man attempted to tackle you, but you side stepped and kicked him in the head, as you secured you bracelet. Allowing the nanotech, the few seconds needed, you turned towards the fight. Steve seemed to be doing just fine, so you shot over to where Tony and Bucky where.
“Miss me, baby sister?” Tony asked through your comm link. “I can’t leave you alone for five minutes.”
“I was barely gone five minutes, Tony.” You replied blasting a guy into the wall.
“Sure, you weren’t.” He said, and you knew he was smirking.
“You good for a sec, Ton?” You questioned you brother.
“Was always good, Y/n. Go save your robot.” You rolled your eyes but moved over to Bucky and ripped his cuff off.
“You alright, Buck?” You asked, frantically looking him.
“Told you I’m fine, doll.” He replied standing from the chair, rolling his shoulders. “Go help your brother.” He told you.
“Go get your arm.” You responded. He smiled and ran over to help Steve. After a few minutes the men all lay on the floor out cold.
“Shit.” You breathed, lifting your face plate. “That was a freaking workout.”
“You’re telling me.” Bucky said grabbing his arm from the floor. “Tony are you able to reattach this?”
“Yeah, I’ll be able to get that back on in the jet, robot.” Tony replied, looking it over. “Speaking of, Romanoff, we good to go?” He questioned into his com.
“Yeah, you’re good on our end.” Natasha’s voice came out. “Make your way to the jet whenever your clear.”
“Let’s go.” Steve stated, grabbing his shield from the ground. The four of you ran throughout the compound, with Steve and Tony leading. You made it back to the jet with no complications and fell onto the bench with Bucky not too far behind.
“You look like hell.” Natasha stated from the pilot’s seat. “Both of you.”
“Love you too, Nat.” You grumbled as Bucky just grunted. Clint and Bruce ran onto the jet, Clint making his way over to the other pilot’s seat and Bruce pulled on some new pants before turning to you and Bucky.
He began examining the two of you, wrapping your wrists and stitching the cuts you had received, as well as some Bucky had gotten on his arm. As he moved away Bucky grabbed Steve and pulled him to sit in between the two of you, he curled his arms around the two of you and you felt yourself drifting off.
 The next thing you registered was Steve shaking you awake. “Come on, doll. We’re home.” 
With a groan you stood, cracking your back and Steve led you and Bucky, who looked dead on his feet, back to your apartment. You and Bucky fell onto the bed, both exhausted as Steve moved into the bathroom. The sound of water running echoed into the bedroom and Steve came back into the bedroom.
“You need to bathe before you even think of going to bed.” He said shaking the both of your shoulders, gently. The two of you groaned as you stood and sluggishly moved into the bathroom, you both quickly stripped and stood under the warm water of the shower.
You sighed as the water washed away the grim from the day. Steve quickly stripped and entered the shower with you two, taking the soap from you and gently washing both you and Bucky. For a while you three just stood there, you in the middle of a super solider sandwich, arms around each other, until the water turned cold. Steve turned the water off, the three of you dried off before dressing minimally, the boys both in boxers and you in a pair of Bucky’s boxers and one of Steve’s long sleeve shirts.
“I thought I was going to lose you two today.” Steve murmured as the three of you laid in bed.
“You should have more trust in us Stevie. We got out fine.” You said quietly, enjoying the feeling of Bucky’s metal fingers gently running along your hipbone.
“But what if you didn’t?” He asked looking vulnerable.
“Stevie, no matter what happens, what problems we face, we will always make it back to each other.” Bucky said, reaching over you with his flesh hand to rub his arm.
“I love you. I really love both of you. I don’t know what I’d do without you two in my life.” Steve said kissing first you softly, then repeating it with Bucky. Your eyes flickered over to Bucky who was smiling softly.
“We love you too Stevie.” You said snuggling in closer to his chest, Bucky following suit and wrapping his flesh arm over the two of you.
“Till the end of the line.” Bucky added with a smile. The three of you drifted off, surrounded by the warmth of each other, content smiles on each of your faces.
Show feedback. Buy me a coffee.
Natasha x reader x Bucky- coming soon.
Wanda x reader x Bucky- coming soon
Natasha x reader- coming soon
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yibohei · 5 years
Text
the winter soldier and the lawless lawyer: chapter 1
bucky barnes x f!reader 
warning: some swear words!
word count:  1423
a/n: the first chapter! exams are coming up so there might be a little delay, but after that, it’s every monday or tuesday that i update the chapters! enjoy :)
MASTERLIST
prologue | chapter 2
chapter 1:
life’s not easy when you’re an ex assassin for HYDRA.
bucky woke up in his bed. he has found refuge in the avengers compound. he was surprisingly taken in by tony stark, despite him killing his parents, as the winter soldier.
the memories and the pain was killing him. it wasn’t happening anymore. but it was still there, a poison in his system, waiting to kill him at any given moment.
he sat up, and with his elbows on his thighs, he ran his metal fingers through his warm brown hair.
“another day, another mission.” he sighed.
and as if steve heard him, the captain himself knocked and opened the bedroom door.
“good morning buck. sleep well? surprisingly we don’t have any missions today. we got paperwork to take care of.” he smiled at his best buddy.
bucky looked up and frowned. “paperwork? what for?”
steve shrugged and leaned against the door frame. “tony got a new lawyer for us. i guess all this saving and missions require legal document for the government to keep track of. come on down. she’s here already.” he urged. he exited.
bucky looked at where steve used to be and sighed. he put on a black shirt and grey joggers pants and went down stairs following steve.
what he expected to see was an old woman with a ton of paperwork on her hands.
he didn’t expect to see you. his eyes widened at the sight of you.
he couldn’t believe himself. he was a love struck boy again, like before he went to the army.
he stared at you. you were dressed in a suit and tie with a matching black skirt. you hair was up in a beautifully messy hairdo. your skin was faintly glowing from the light that was seeping through the large windows of the complex. you were definitely a sight to see for bucky.
was it just attraction and infatuation? most likely. this man haven’t had the chance to feel the slightest of human attraction in 70 years, so it’s possibly just human instinct.
you looked up to see the two super soldiers that you were supposed to look after. you smiled warmly at them. you turned to the rest of the avengers, then to tony stark.
“now that everyone’s here, i can finally get to say my psa. my name is (Y/N) iustitia, you may know me as one of the attorneys for the supreme courts of justice of the united states. i’m here today and for the rest of the time i’m employed here because you superheroes need legal help.” you said, with your voice dripped in sarcasm.
tony raised an eyebrow. he seemed suspicious about you. “iustitia, your last name, is the roman goddess of justice. you also share the last name of william iustitia, the leader of the rouge knockoff SHIELD organization, EMPIRE.” he swirled his finger at you. “i don’t think it’s a coincidence that you’re here because you’re related to him some how, because of his death a week ago?” he questioned.
you chuckled. “i do get that a lot mr. stark. but sadly you are incorrect. i built myself upon my own last name. and because i work for the government, i know a lot about SHIELD, EMPIRE, and HYDRA, and the avengers. oh i definitely know that EMPIRE has been thieving from stark industries. and that’s why you dislike mr. william iustitia. but that’s not why i’m here.” you lied to him.
you got in front of tony’s face and sneered. “you don’t think some of the stuff you’re doing is illegal and the government doesn’t know about it? i can gather enough evidence in 5 minutes to bring your little superhero playground to the ground for good. so don’t play with me here, i’m only here because your little band needed a little legal advice. got that stark?” you threatened.
you smiled innocently and faced away from the iron bastard. tony smirked at your newfound straightforwardness.
“and that goes for the rest of you, fighting machines.” you said to the rest of the assembled avengers.
clint looked at nat and you could see she was smirking a lot. bruce started sweating and thor was laughing out loud.
“i like this woman. lady (Y/N) you have my respect.” he said.
“why thank you thor.” you smiled at him.
“now i’m not here to scare you guys, that’s just a threat of what i can do with my power. i’m not kick-asses like all of you guys are so please don’t hurt me.” you joked.
they all laughed with you. but they don’t know that you were lying about the kick-ass part.
you were trained like a SHIELD agent and a HYDRA assassin ever since you were a little girl. you were also captured by HYDRA once, but you managed to escape purely by tactic and luck. you weren’t the strongest person out there like thor or captain america, but you were strong enough to lead an entire organization that was eye to eye on SHIELD and HYDRA.
unbeknownst to you, bucky was in utter shock and awe. surely, times have changed, and he saw how savage and straight forward natasha was, but the confidence you brought out at the moment was a shock. here was a high honoured lawyer face to face with iron man, who had the money and power to put the woman back to the scum of the earth. yet she wasn’t fazed.
“since when were women so straight forward? i’ve seen nat but damn, this woman is on another level.” bucky muttered, watching the scene unfold.
steve glanced at bucky and chuckled quietly. “yeah. it ain’t want it used to be right? women used to be so gentle and let the men do all the toughest things. now it’s equal.”
bucky smiled ever so slightly. “i kinda like it honestly.”
the next hour was pure agony for the avengers. legal documents, paper work, and you constantly discussing the purpose of all of this.
tony and bruce seemed to be in check. nat tried her hardest to listen to you. clint, god knows where he went. thor was knocked out cold. the two super soldiers were sitting on the couch, their eyes threatening to close on them as their brains were asleep.
“she may be cute but she’s hella boring when she’s working.” bucky muttered under his breath.
steve opened one eye and glanced at his friend. “you’re not any different. you barely talk when we’re on missions. i’ve been trying to catch up with you.”
bucky elbowed him. “what’s there to catch up on when i barely remember anything from the past 70 years?” he joked.
“... as stated by the government.” you finished. you glanced up at the bored super soldiers and smirked.
you got up from your desk and walked up to them. bucky looked at you and frowned, concealing what he was actually feeling. steve obviously was grinning.
you put your hand on your hips. “boys, since you two are causing the most damages out of all these avengers...”
“even compared to thor?” steve interrupted, flailing has hands up.
“yes even compared to thor!” you snapped back at the captain. steve let out a small ‘hmph’ and leaned back on the couch. bucky chuckled at the sight.
“...as i was saying, captain america and sergeant barnes, i need you two to be under watch. if you’re going to keep making huge damages every time you guys go on missions, there’s not enough paperwork to keep you guys from going in debt and getting your pass for saving the world revoked. i’m going to send one of my best boys to watch over you two.” you said to the two men.
“but we don’t need a babysitter!!!” steve yelled at you comically.
tony started laughing as soon as you finished. “you two are doing more smashing than the hulk it seems.” he joked.
bruce seemed to appreciate the joke. he laughed so loud. the rest of the avengers joined in as well.
“easy going.” you thought. “i wonder when was the last time i was easy going.”
the phone on your pocket suddenly buzzed. you took it out and looked at what caused the notification.
a text by ji-yong.
“(Y/N). new information. it’s confirmed. it’s two avengers that HYDRA is targeting. i guarantee it’s going to be barnes and rogers. i’m warning you, the HYDRA agent is right under your nose. i don’t know who, i’ll find out soon, but be careful (Y/N). should i go there to help? let me know.”
you sighed. easy going? it was never going to happen, now that this mission is starting to unfold.
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ghoulifiedbitch · 5 years
Text
Who people think of when they claim all women in GOT are abused:
Daenerys
Sansa
Missandei
Everyone else who they don't think about because they don't watch the show:
Cersei Lannister
Catelyn Stark
Arya Stark
Margaery Tyrell
Olenna Tyrell
Ellaria Sand
The Sand Snakes: Tyrene Sand, Nymeria Sand, Obara Sand
Shae
Meera
Ygritte
Yara Greyjoy (a wlw, mind you, who survives!)
Lyanna Mormont
Melisandre
Brienne of Tarth
Osha
Men who are abused in the show that people claim only abuses women:
Tyrion Lannister
Theon Greyjoy (arguably traumatized more than any other character in the show)
Grey Worm
Loras Tyrell
Gendry
Lord Varys
Samwell Tarly
Listen, I don't care that people don't like Game of Thrones - big fucking deal, we're all entitled to like or dislike what we want.
I don't care if people are annoyed by the hype surrounding Game of Thrones - I still hate tons of stuff I've never seen simply because the popularity annoyed me. It's normal.
I DO care that people claim the show abuses and traumatizes women just for the male audience to, idk, jack off to??
I DO care that people claim the shows women characters exist solely to be traumatized and tortured.
It's a popular misconception that people make ignorant comments about which are then shared by other people who have never even seen the show nor seen a single character outside of poorly done memes.
I care about this so strongly because not only is it incorrect, but because Daenerys and Sansa have done A WORLD of good for my own personal life. They're empowering, they're real and three dimensional, they changed how I see myself and the way I want other people to see me. When I need confidence, I think of them. When I need to be strong and defensive, I think of them. When I'm feeling looked down upon or objectified by ignorant sexist men I think of them. Theyve shaped me more than any other women in fiction, and I'm hella gay - I know a lot of women characters - so that's really saying something. They shaped me more than Wonder Woman shaped me. I love them because they taught me how to love myself, and to love myself more than anyone.
Daenerys and Sansa aren't just violent p0rn to whack to. That's OFFENSIVE, frankly. They overcome their toxic environments just like ANY male superhero, action movie dude protag, or literally any other character in fiction. To say it's different just because they're women is MISOGYNISTIC HELLO?? Women are allowed to be more than delicate petals!! And as I said, plenty of men in GOT go through harsh trials in their arcs and no one seems to think anything wrong about that, so why is it some special case when it comes to women?
No one said The Hunger Games was just about tormenting a little girl.
No one said Tomb Raider is just about tormenting a woman.
Why say that GOT is just about tormenting women?
The next time you claim GOT is just about objectifying women, maybe ask yourself: are YOU the one objectifying them?
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