#incorrect tony stark
Peter: [bounces into Tony’s room and starts jumping on his bed] Wake up!
Tony: [face mashed into the pillow] I’m not asleep, I’m dead. Leave the flowers and get out
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Tony: Sometimes, I don’t even realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.
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Tony: Uh, why is there a pentagram on the floor?
Izzy & Felix: You told us to satanize the place.
Tony: I said sanitize.
(Harry dumped Peter, so Tony is plotting)
Tony: Now, I know what we ought to do. We ought to figure out where this kid is that messed you up. - What'd you say his name is?
Peter: Harry Osborne.
Tony: Yeah, terrible name. I hate him because of his name. We find out where he is, and then we go down there, and you say, "Hey, look at what you're missing," and then you throw a drink or a smoke bomb on him.
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Bucky: Alright, so where to? Peter, you wanna go run over this kid who dumped you or what?
Clint: That sounds like a good plan.
Tony: No, we're not running anyone over. But you know what always makes people feel better after they get their hearts broken?
Bucky: Throwing a tub of baked beans at a meter maid.
Tony: No! Shopping for your favourite things!
Rhodey: Pretty sure the right answer was lizards, Tony...
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Tony: When I was your age-
Peter, mocking Tony: When I was your height.
Tony: Listen here you little shit-
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Tony: I don’t wanna talk about it
Peter: Would you rather sing about it?
Tony: Peter, I swear to god-
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Tony: Okay okay, you’re right.
Rhodey: Huh. Never heard you say that before. Did you just learn that phrase?
Tony: Shut up.
Rhodey: That one I have heard.
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Tony, Peter & Harley: *behaving*
Stephen: ok what the fuck did you guys do this time
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Peter: do you wanna start a revolution with me Mr.Stark?
Tony, checking his watch: sure, I've got nowhere to be until 5 anyway
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Tony: You know what Maria, could we have a moment alone?
Maria: Fury said if you asked me that I was supposed to say no.
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Bucky: *after picking Peter and Morgan up from school* I'm such a good parent to both our kids
Tony: *glaring at bucky* Three! We have THREE kids!
Bucky: Tony, DUM-E doesn't count as a kid.
Bucky: ...oh wait, Harley
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Peter: Yknow how there are loads of people out there called joe?
Tony: if this is a joe mama joke-
Peter: do you think one of them refers to there cum as joe-gurt
Tony: This, this is why you are in therapy.
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Y/N : I know I lot of crazy people, How could I not? There everywhere!
Tony : What crazy people do you know?
Y/N : This entire Friend group-
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Tony: Happy Mother’s Day, Miss Potts.
Pepper: ...I’m not a mother?
Tony: *wiggles eyebrows comically* Do you want to be?
Pepper: This is one of those times where I wonder why I love you.
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After the Staten Island Ferry Incident
Peter: How did you find me?
Tony: Oh it was easy really
Tony: I just listened for the sound of complete and utter betrayal and followed that
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Stephen: She's so young, she mostly looks like a potato with eyes.
Tony: You do realize that this is our child you're talking about?
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Peter: That sounds like a terrible plan
Harley: Oh, we’ve had worse
Tony: You better believe it
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Ned : You know, if you add ‘violently’ in front of an action, it becomes ten times funnier.
MJ : Violently studies
Harley: Violently breathes
Peter: Violently murders seven people
Tony : *horrified* Violently worries about Peter’s comment
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Y/n: -playing kazoo to the tune of "It's the Final Countdown-
Peter: -singing- It's a mental breakdown
Tony: Are you guys okay??
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