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oscorp-lawsuit · 1 year

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Headcanon that when Peter accidentally calls Tony dad for the first time, he immediately freaks out over his slip-up (as usual) but Tony is running on like -20 hours of sleep and doesn’t even notice the mistake but he responds to it so suddenly Peter spirals into ANOTHER crisis because does that mean Tony thinks of Peter as his son, or did he just not hear him right? And now he doesn’t know how to bring it up without outing the fact that he wants Mr. Stark to be his dad

Peter: “Hey, dad?”

Peter, internally: Wait, shit shit! Why did I say that? I can’t call Mr. Stark DAD. That’s so creepy-

Tony, dead on his feet and hearing colors: “Yeah, Pete?”

Peter:

Peter, tearing up: “Um-”

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hurtspideyparker · 2 months

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Peter, sneaking in through the lab window after patrolling till 3 am on a school night, running into Tony still working on a project 4 hours after he told Pepper he'd come to bed in 'five minutes':

Tony: I won't tell May if you don't tell Pepper

Peter: Deal... can I help?

Tony: You have school in 4 hours.

Peter: You didn't even go to bed last night!

Tony: ... okay but you're on fire extinguisher duty

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incorrectpeterparker · 3 months

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Peter: Getting up a 6am made me realize that 6am isn’t a place it’s an emotion

Tony: 6am isn’t a place at all

Peter: That’s because it’s an emotion

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ironrad · 1 year

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Morgan crying:

Peter: What’s wrong Maguna?

Morgan: Dad said you’re about to turn 20

Peter confused:

Morgan crying harder: Spiders can ONLY live up to 20 years

Peter: Awe, it’ll be fine. I’m not really a spider.

Peter frantically whispering to Tony: it’ll be fine, right?

Tony shrugging: I’m not a biologist.

Peter sweating profusely:

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marvel-lous-guy · 6 months

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Tony: heres $100

Peter: what for?

Tony: you spent all week in the lab, its the least i could do

Peter: I don't want your money

Tony: you earned it, just take it

Peter: no

Tony: yes

Peter: no

Tony: fine! Truth or dare?

Peter: dare!

Tony: i dare you to take the $100

Peter: ...fuck

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auroraromaximoff · 1 year

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Y/n: Thank god you're here babe, we're totally outnumbered !

Nat: What do you mean?

Wanda: Straight people!

Nat: Oh, God

Tony: *drunk* HoW dArE YoUu !

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underoooos · 2 years

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May : So you're like the therapist for the whole team?

Peter : Mmm kinda

May : Who's your therapist then?

Peter, holding up a small pebble : Well I talk to this rock sometimes

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1luna1lovegood1 · 2 years

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Peter: *sneaking into his room wearing spidersuit at 5 am*

May, sitting on peter's desk: excuse me whERE WERE YOU?

Peter: I was working with Mr Stark!

Tony, turning on the light: Try again.

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fotibrit · 10 months

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It’s spirit week at midtown and one of the days is crazy hat day. Peter mentions this to Tony, who IMMEDIATELY suggests Peter either wear the actual spider-man mask, or take one of the Iron Man helmets.

“NO, Mister Stark, I can’t- why would I wear that?”

“Why not? It would be funny.”

“Not once I have to explain how I have it!”

“That would be the funny part, actually.”

“NOBODY is wearing EITHER of those. I don’t know if I’ll even participate, Ned said he-“

“Kid, you’re a genius. Hey FRIDAY, text Ned Leeds and ask if he wants an Iron Man helmet for crazy hat day. He’d go for it”

“MISTER STARK, NO”

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peter-parkers-left-pinky · 1 year

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Tony: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??

Peter: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

Y/n: Why were you microwaving a lemon???

Peter: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.

Natasha: Did you burn an orange too? How???

Peter: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

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oscorp-lawsuit · 1 year

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Pepper: Tony, why do you keep ignoring lab safety protocol when it always ends in some sort of explosion or OSHA violation?

Tony: Well, Pep, some of the greatest scientific discoveries were made by ignoring lab safety protocol. Besides, Tony backwards spells “Y Not” so it’s really in my namesake.

Pepper:

Pepper: Did Peter give you that one?

Tony: Yes, he did.

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skylarinfinity · 3 months

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[male reader, tony and bruce try to have intelligent conversation]

tony : so in the conclusion is-

male reader : i just realized that getting girlfriend is like pre-ordering a milf.

bruce : i'm sorry, but what? please don't stop our research for irrelevant topic-

tony : no bruce, he talking fact here! [pointing at male reader]

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jjsmaybank20 · 1 year

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Wanda: Y/N kissed me!

Natasha: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Wanda: It was unbelievable!

Natasha: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Thor: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Natasha, get the wine and turn off your phone. Wanda, does this end well or do we need tissues?

Wanda: Oh, it ended very well.

Natasha: Do not start without me! Do not start without me!

Thor: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?

Wanda: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.

Thor: Ohh... So, okay, was she holding you? Or were her hands on your back?

Wanda: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.

Natasha and Thor: Ohhh.

*meanwhile*

Y/N, eating pizza in her room: And, uh, and then I kissed her.

Tony: Tongue?

Y/N: Yeah.

Clint: Cool.

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ironrad · 1 year

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Peter: You know nobody is actually enforcing the laws of physics, right?

Tony: I’m sorry?

Peter proceeding to walk up the wall:

Tony:

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marvel-lous-guy · 2 years

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Muffled voice on the phone: We have kidnapped your son and if you want to see him alive again you'll have to-

Tony: Son? I HAVE A SON!?! WHY AM I JUST HEARING ABOUT THIS!?!

Muffled voice: ...We have the teenager with brown hair and a science pun shirt

Tony: Oh, you mean Peter. Yeah, he's not my son.

Muffled voice: ...are you sure?

Tony: yeah, I'm pretty sure

Muffled voice: Well, we still have the kid locked up... so do you want him or not?

Tony: ... Peter is literally sat right in front of me doing his calculus homework...

Tony: Pete, were you kidnapped?

Peter: Oh yeah! That's what I forgot to tell you!

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marvelflame2010 · 1 year

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Tony: Hey wait a minute. Y/n and Bucky’s not here.

Sam: What you do mean by Y/n and Bucky’s not here?

Tony: I MEAN Y/N AND THE FUCKING WINTER SOLDIER ISN’T HERE, GENERAL BIRD-BRAIN!!!

Yelena: Oh my god, I’m using that

Steve: ENOUGH! I’ll call them* calls Y/n’s phone*

Y/n: Hello?

Steve: Y/n, where tf are you and Bucky?? I’m here, Sam’s here, Tony’s here, your aunt’s here-

Peter: *arrives* Sorry I’m late guys. I had chem homework

Steve: Queens just swung in. You two are the only ones not here!

Y/n: What the hell are you talking about, you star-spangled idiot. Bucky and I are at 103 Presley Street, like the address said. Where the tf are you?

Steve: I’m at.... Aw shit. *hangs up* GUYS WE’RE AT THE WRONG LOCATION!!!

Tony: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN WE’RE THE WRONG LOCATION CAPSICLE?!!!!!!

Steve: I MEAN WE ARE AT THE WRONG LOCATION ANTHONY EDWARD!!

Sam: ENOUGH!! Let’s go to the correct location

BONUS:

Bucky: Did Steve give them the wrong location?

Y/n: Yes dekta. Yes he did

Bucky: Why am I friends with him?

Y/n: You know you have a crazy family when the ex-HYDRA assassins are the only ones who do stuff right the first time

Bucky: You’re absolutely right doll

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