Klaus: My mother cried the day I was born because she knew she would never be better than me.
(June 26 -> 35 days until season 2)
Klaus: I trusted you… and you… bed bath & betrayed me…
Klaus: Why do you even drink coffee? Isn’t it disgusting?
Five: you’ve never even tried it before. Taste mine
Klaus: *coughing fit*
Klaus: it’s good
Klaus: Here let me hold this for you.
Dave: That’s my hand.
(June 17 -> 44 days till season 2)
Klaus: Hey, Patch! *gets down on one knee* Will you be my sister in law?
Patch: Did…did you just propose to me?
Diego: For me?!?!
Klaus: well, someone had to do it
Klaus: I’m PEACHLESS!
Diego: ..Did you mean, you’re speechless?
Klaus: No, I’m literally PEACHLESS *holds up an empty basket of peaches*
Reginald Hargreeves almost called it the Brella Academy, but then he hesitated.
Diego: man you okay? You tripped pretty hard
Klaus: it’s okay. The floor broke my fall
The umbrella academy @ Vanya: *singing along with Queen* Don’t. Kill. Me. Noooooooooow.
Klaus, rolling down the car window: what seems to be the problem, officer?
Cop: get the fUCK out of my car
Luther: I am a very bad person. I am a very very bad person. I am a horrible person.
Everybody else: …
Luther: ‘No you’re not Luther. We still love you Luther.’
Klaus: Hit or miss… I guess they never miss, huh?
Vietnamese commander: Shoot him again.
klaus: the risk i tooo was carefully calculated
klaus: but man do i suck at math
Klaus, at church: *Chokes on drink* This must be the holy water.
Klaus: hello, can i get one uhhh, mcwill to live please?
The worker: Klaus, we talked about this
Five: hey, klaus, come help me with this plan.
Klaus: it too early for me to plan. Everything before 12 p.m. is too early and everything after that is too late.
Five: Klaus, that leaves no time for planning.
Luther: so how u feelin g
Klaus: im 👾