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#incorrect wanda maximoff
wandamaximoffbae · 2 days ago
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y/n, going over wanda's resume: okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative. wanda: yes y/n: okay... may I know what you create? wanda: problems.
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Wanda: Hey Pietro...
Pietro:
Wanda: [takes a deep breath]
Wanda: I'm sorry for calling you an idiot.
Wanda: But when Billy asked how to spell "orange," you asked if he was talking about the fruit or the color.
Wanda: And you caught me out off guard.
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Wanda, just chilling in Westview: *hears knocking*
Wanda walking out of the reality bubble: What the hell? 
Peter Parker: Hey, I heard we were pretending our loved ones didn’t die? Can I come in, I’ve always wanted to be in a sitcom. 
Wanda: ??? 
Peter: Can we change it to the Office? 
Wanda: ....
Wanda: Sure, come on in. 
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supersambuckyomens · 6 days ago
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Natasha: who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Steve: Language!
Peter: yeah watch your fucking language ms romanoff
Tony: OKAY WHO TAUGHT PETER THE FUCK WORD?
Bruce: ‘the fuck word’
Wanda: seriously? you guys use the f word all the time!
Sam: oh my god she censored it.
Bucky: say fuck, wanda
Sam: do it, wanda. say fuck.
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thefoxandthepenguine · 2 months ago
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Wanda: Wow you’re so good at cooking Y/N!
Y/N: (blushing) It’s just peanut butter sandwich!
Y/N: (looking at Natasha) No offense.
Natasha: …
Y/N: Why do you keep doing this today?
Wanda: Doing what?
Y/N: Keep praising me? Is this some kind of your new kink?
Wanda: I’m sorry but I read your diary accidentally.
Y/N: Oh that’s okay…you don’t have to feel sorry about that. I write nothing too personal there. It’s just trivial and casual stuff. You don’t have to do that.
Wanda: The point is…you wrote “Dear Diary, Sorry to bother you again” on every single page.
Y/N: …
Natasha: Ouch. You’ve been doing a good job in breathing Y/N.
Y/N: I want my diary now.
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(GIF found online. I don’t own it.)
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marvel-at-it-babe · a month ago
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Bottle of Djinn
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader
Summary: Being clumsy is not the core skill needed for a mission.
Warnings: a teenie weenie bit of suggestive content
“European castles aren’t what I asked for on Saturday morning, much less the dingy basement of one,” you crawled threw a sewer duct that’s been long dried up, grabbing a hold of the grate that barred you from the bowels of the castle and pushed it in, dusting yourself off as you crawl out.
“Y/n, can you hear us now? The tracker places you in the castle, is that correct?” Romanoff’s voice was fuzzy in your head set, adjusting your ear piece you assessed your surroundings.
“I’m in, but it’s way too dark, give me a second,” toying with your flashlight became unsuccessful, having it flicker out as soon as you turn it on, “remind me to beat the bricks out of who ever loads my bags, this isn’t the first time I’ve been short handed.”
“Focus y/n, we need you to locate the vault, it’s got vital information on hydra that we can’t lose. It’s only thanks to Wanda that we know it exists.”
“Yes, I know, Hydra vault have big scary secrets,” you smiled at the mention of your girlfriend, feeling around the wall until your hand was met with a torch, grabbing it and hoping it would light after all these years. After a few attempts with a flint and steel, and a lot of swears, it eventually took the flame and you where able to make out the shape of the room.
You stood in awe at the piles of artifacts and priceless minerals that where just tossed to the side, “what in the Indiana Jones is this shit?” Moving to the back of the basement, you saw the door to the vault, in able to be opened because of overflow in some of the piles. You kicked some of it to the side, fr doing your foot collide and go through something hard, “Damn it!”
“What’s wrong? Are you comprised?” Natasha had a slight sense of urgency in her voice, making you chuckle.
“I’m fine, I just broke a vase, seems to have been imported though, definitely not European.” You studied it close, failing to see the black smoke like being fleeing from the vase, and mixing with your torch flames.
You focused back on the task at hand, opening the vault and shoving the contents into your bag in order to make a quick get away, unknowing of the events to unfold.
Waking up the next morning, you stretched as you sat up in your bed, scratching your chest and cracking your knuckles looking down at your hands as you rolled your neck, all four of them.
What?
Examining your body, your eyes trailed up your torso, finding another set of arms meeting at your chest. Trying them out you could move them in sync with your first set, but each could move individually as well. Flexing your fingers is what made you notice the change in your nails too. The beige of your nail bed was no longer visible, replaced with the black claw-like shape.
You scrambled out of bed and to a mirror, taking in your new look whole. You were a lot leaner than before, muscle mass that would make Sam jealous resided in your arms and legs as you pulled up one of the legs of your shorts. The markings that covered your wrists and torso weren’t as alarming as your new appendages though. Raising them in the mirror, you waved at yourself, one side at a time.
“Y/n?”
A knock on your door broke your thoughts as you dove into your closet. Hearing Wanda’s voice on the other side sent you into a panic.
“Just a minute, love!” You threw on a larger hoodie and shoved your hands into your shorts pockets. There is absolutely no way you could let the team, much less your girlfriend, see you like this.
Opening the door for her, she went in for a hug, only for you to hold her at arms length and kiss her forehead, “Good morning hun what’s up?” The pout she wore broke your heart a little, and the way she looked you up and down made you feel a little self conscious.
“I was coming to get you for breakfast, plus you have training with Natasha and I later so I was making sure you were up with enough time to warm up,” she grabbed your hand and lead you down the hall, stopping as she felt your nails in her palm, “since when did you have time to do these? And aren’t these, um, counter productive?”
You flushed as she examined your hands, pulling back slightly, “I- uh- I have a mission! Yes! A mission coming up in uh… Moscow! Where I have to go undercover and I put these nails on to get more experience fighting with acrylics! Speaking of training, do you and Natasha mind if we do some cold weather training to get me prepared for this mission?”
“I’m sure we could-“
“Ok, thank you! I’ll see you in a bit my love!” You bolted away from the witch and down to the lab, “Bruce! I thought you said my vitals after my mission where fine!?”
The timid man jolted up from his work station and gripped the counter as you approached, “they where! All your tests came back normal!”
“Well then what is this?” You quickly removed the hoodie you wore in order to show him your predicament. His eyes widened as he examined your body, taking a hold of one of the new arms.
“I haven’t seen anything like this,” he grabbed a camera from his desk to take photos of the markings that littered your body, “you seem to be doing better than before? Let’s run some tests to see if this muscle bound body is just a facade.”
“Ok but hurry up, I have to train with Wanda and Nat soon, I don’t want them any more suspicious than they already are.”
While you where under going tests and trials Natasha and Wanda where warming up with a jog around the compound.
“Y/n was fine when we landed,” Natasha shrugged as she managed to keep time with Wanda, slowing down a bit to stay side by side.
“I know, but this morning it took her a while to get up when she is usually one of the first of us in the kitchen. Plus, she seemed aloof today. I haven’t seen her much and she was kind of distant this morning. She didn’t hug me like normal.”
“I’m sure it’s nothing, but talk to her before we train, I’ll give you time,” Wanda nodded at Natasha’s affirmation as they headed back into the compound.
You sat on a bench after you were poked and prodded until you couldn’t take it.
“Well, after processing your charts, all of them have come back normal, but normal for Steve, your energy levels are reading like Wanda’s and your brain activity reads like Tony’s,” Banner flipped through his notes as you loomed over his shoulder.
“Is that a bad thing?” Taking the clipboard out of his hands and raising it to your face.
“I- not exactly. When you went on your mission, did you do anything out of the norm or off the books?”
“No, I just broke a vase, that’s about it,” you shrugged.
Bruce suddenly went from worried to worse, pulling up a spreadsheet on his data board.
“The only things in that castle’s basement where taken into inventory by Interpol and the NATO committee of preservation… treasures from all over the world including vases, gold, and gems had made there way down there-“
“Why am I getting a history lesson?”
“Because the ones we need to worry about all came from the Middle East, now tell me, which one looks familiar.”
He put a series of twenty vases on the board for you to see, giving you an ample view of each.
“I… I think that one?” You pointed to a small, dark blue and teal patterned vase, with a wax sealed lid.
“Did you see anything come out?”
“No, I couldn’t see much, I had to use a torch.”
“Well the mythos behind that vase say that the spirit that lives in there is a reality manipulating entity that needs a vessel or it dissipates…”
Walking up to Bruce you pick him up by his collar, “you mean to tell me… I’m sharing my body with a genie!?”
“It’s a possibility, but it’s not any Disney genie, this is a djinn, you can get it under control, but these visible side effects, may be permanent.”
Your alarm for your training session went off on your watch and you went to leave,as you put your hoodie back on, noticing it was slightly tighter than before.
“Am I growing?” He was already getting a body scan as you turned away from the door.
“As it would seem, you are about two inches taller than when you walked in, and your dimensions have increased all around,” you sighed and shook your head as you made your exit, leaving the indentation of your hand in the door handle.
As soon as you stepped into the room you where met with freezing air, sighing in relief Natasha agreed to cold weather training.
“Get on the mat we are doing hand to hand, go put on your gear and your combats so you don’t slip.”
You went to change in the locker room, failing to notice the witch that followed you in.
Ridding yourself of your hoodie and shorts, you grab your training suit and go to put it on, closing the locker door to see Wanda in the mirror, causing you to turn around in your startled state.
“I- Wanda- “you scrambled for your hands to make purchase on the lockers, but your palms kept slipping as you looked between your body and your girlfriend.
“What happened to you?” Wanda stood in shock as your lower set of arms try to cover your torso with your suit, her quickly taking it away.
“Don’t cover up, let me look at you,” her face softened as she stepped forward, carefully tracing your markings and your new definition lines, “have you talked to Bruce about it?”
You nodded as you took her hands in yours, rubbing circles over the top of hers,“That’s where I’ve been all day, I’m sorry I didn't warn you-“
“What are you apologizing for?” She picked up your chin a bit and looked up at you, “having new powers is weird and scary, I should know,” a soft laugh escaped her lips as she cupped your cheek, “I understand why you didn’t tell me, but now that I know, I hope you will let me figure this out with you.”
You let out a breath you had unknowingly been holding in, leaning down to kiss her forehead and wrap your arms around her for a tight hug. She patted your shoulder for you to let up, letting out a small wince.
“Sorry! Still getting used to the body,” you quickly let go and scratch the back of your neck.
“Please don’t be sorry, just be a little lighter, yeah? Now let’s get you dressed and go train.”
Your new body didn’t change the results of training, they still kicked your ass, and you where ok with that.
Post-training, you walked with your arms around wanda, looking down at her as you strolled through the halls.
“You know,” Wanda looked up at you, stopping in her tracks, “I still love you no matter what you look like, and I think I like the extra arms, you can cuddle better now,” her smile she gave you made your heart soar, knowing she wouldn’t judge you for your new… physically.
“Thanky you, but did I not cuddle good before?”
“You did, but it’s like adding support weapons to a tank.” She shrugged and brought you down for a kiss, effectively shutting you up.
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marvelpremuim · 29 days ago
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Y/N: Why hasn't Bucky texted me back yet I thought we really hit it off last night.
Wanda: Give him some time,he's probably busy.
Y/N: Yeah you're right,le me check if he's been online or no-
Wanda: What?
Y/N: He sent me a text four hours ago and I never responded.
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Wanda: Ow! Son of a bi-
Vision: *gesturing to Billy and Tommy* Wanda! Children!
Wanda: ..iscuit. Son of a biscuit.
Agnes: Nice save.
Wanda: Yeah. Fucking nailed it.
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thefoxandthepenguine · 2 months ago
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Y/N: (rushing into the common room for movie night) Oh God! I’m so sorry. I’ve never been late for anything in my life.
Nat: That’s fine dear. We’re just about to start.
Wanda: Well…you’re late in my life.
Y/N: (looking at Wanda, genuinely confused) Have you made an appointment with me?
Wanda: …
Nat: (looking at Wanda, genuinely confused) Did Y/N made you to be her girlfriend with a gun?
Wanda: I wish she had.
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How I think it went:
Sam: Strange, could you please make sure I will come out on Steve's left, it's important
Bucky, brushing his hair: Give me a few more minutes, I have to make sure I look good when Steve sees me again
Stephen: *sighs*
Peter: WeeeeeEEEEEEEEEeeee
Stephen:
Stephen: Ok who gave the kid a redbull?
Shuri: Sorry that might have been me, I thought he could use the extra energy
Stephen: *facepalms*
Tchalla: SHURI THERE YOU ARE GIVE ME BACK MY SHOES
Shuri: Sorry I took them , I thought it would be funny😂
Stephen:
Stephen: Guardians, please tell me that at least you guys are ready?
Drax: Yes Wizard, we're ready to kick names and take ass
Mantis: Hell yes
Groot: I am Groot
Quill: I am... sorry.
Stephen, trying not to cry: Ok, what about you Wanda?
Wanda: *fixing her eyeliner* almost ready
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marvel-at-it-babe · 2 months ago
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Qforce quotes as the Avengers:
Tony: The gays love me, and I love them! Shout out to my gay brother Frankie, who is gay!
Natasha: call me Miss Congeniality ‘cause l’m a fem top, with a gun!
Clint: Chunly sent me, my orders were to go babysit the sodomites and make sure they don’t fuck up the world.
Bucky: like I said, he’s the best of the best. *wiping away tears* MY BABY’S ABOUT TO HUNT THE TALIBAN!
Steve: bitch, I’m a dense 198, and I worked hard for every pound.
Bruce: I danced with a lot of girls in high school to distract them from wanting to have sex with me.
Sam: I’m here to magically save the day, that’s called an entrance by the way.
Maria: I’m really good at grilling too. *slams fist on table* WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE SHOES!?
Wanda: it’s all this random shit about construction, winter sports, and bee sustainability?
Rhodey: the beauty of being black and mad is that you don’t have to finish the sentence.
Thor: Excuse me? Mind if I kick all of your- ah ok she’s got it.
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