Bard: I accidentally ate Barbarian’s leftovers. How long do you think I’ll live?
Bard: Ten what?
Barbarian, entering the room: Nine.
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Paladin: *props feet on the table* So I heard you like bad boys.
NPC: What? No?
Paladin: *immediately takes feet off the table* Oh thank the gods, that felt horrible.
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Someone: *is dead*
Warlock: That's so sad, Bard play despacito
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Bard: *Screams louder to establish dominance*
Monk: Should we stop them?
Rogue: No, I want to see who wins.
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Sorcerer: I’m at a | |] || |_ for words.
Wizard: *visibly terrified* H- how did you say that out loud?
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Ranger: Yeah I'm pretty tough... I don't really cry about stuff
Fighter: Just today you were crying about dragons
Ranger: *crying and holding a small dragon* They can’t blow out their own birthday candles!
Fighter: *yelling* WHY THE F-CK WOULD THEY NEED TO?!?!?
Ranger: *still sobbing* Dragons have birthdays too, Fighter!
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Paladin: What’s your biggest weakness?
Rogue: I can be uncooperative.
Paladin: Okay, give me an example.
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Wizard: I have a perfect memory! Name one thing I have ever forgotten.
Bard: You left me in a dungeon three weeks ago.
Wizard: That was on purpose try again.
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Rogue: WAIT! We need a plan of attack!
Barbarian: *charging into the fight* I have a plan... ATTACK!
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Paladin: There's a special place in hell reserved just for you.
Warlock: Of course, it's called the throne.
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BBEG: How many times do I have to kill you before you stop coming back!?
Warlock: No idea. But please, for the love of the gods, keep trying.
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Rogue: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.
Paladin: I think you mean cards.
Rogue: No I do not.
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Warlock: I don’t "sleep."
Warlock: Whenever and wherever I collapse is completely up to my patron.
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Wizard: What are you doing?
Sorcerer: *spreading toothpaste on toast* Multitasking
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Artificer: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.
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[Wizard and Rogue talking on the third floor]
Rogue: When it comes to winning, Barbarian has no self-preservation skills.
Wizard: That can't be true.
Rogue: It is, watch this.
Rogue: *yelling* Barbarian! I'll race you to the 1st floor!
[Crash is heard from the window across the hall followed by a grunt from below]
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Barbarian: Do you ever get hungry for water?
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Cleric: So what’s bothering you Rogue?
Rogue: I have this headache that comes and goes.
Bard: *entering the room* Hel-
Rogue: Oh look, there it is again.
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Cleric: What is Bard to you?
Rogue: The reason I wake up every morning...
[earlier that morning]
Bard: *barging into Rogue's room playing loud music* WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP
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As most of you know, I’ve spent the majority of my life hysterical and emotionally out of control, so I speak the language.
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