"I came into this world already scarred by loss on both sides of my family. My Indigenous side; my European side. My father and my mother were the kind of damaged people who should never have had children. But of course, they had me, and so my first language was loss."
Deborah Miranda, When Coyote Knocks on the Door (2021)
Hey my lovely fellow monster fuckers lovers, just a little reminder if you’d like to support me, you can check me out on Ko-fi or Patreon. Each website has exclusive content so make sure to check out both if you’re interested.
I’m in a precarious position at my day job as I ended up reporting some harassment, racism, transphobia and just general bigotry from both my management and employees, and I was put at another location that is twice as far away. Unfortunately, this is putting a huge strain on me mentally, emotionally and especially financially. It’s the main reason why I’ve been kind of MIA lately. The investigation is likely to go on for over another month, and I’m spending about a whole shift’s work on gas a week now. I would really appreciate anything anyone buys because even $1 will get you something on both ❣️
I would also love to connect with other authors/artists about how they handle their day jobs (especially large corporations) who’s discrimination against them impacts their work and how they help work through it because I’m feeling very dejected atm.
Natalie Diaz was born in 1978 in Needles, California. Diaz's poetry deals with her own experience growing up on an Indian reservation and the issues facing Native Americans. Her debut poetry collection, When My Brother Was an Azetc, was published in 2012 and won the American Book Award. Her poetry collection Postcolonial Love Poem won the 2021 Pulitzer Prize in Poetry and was a finalist for the 2020 National Book Award. Diaz has received numerous other honors, including a MacArthur Fellowship and the Nimrod/Hardman Pablo Neruda Prize for Poetry.
I show up to a party that's ahead of me by 3 days. It smells like piss and spilled coolers. There's 6 NDN's in there when I show up. The only source illuminating the space is the light above the oven. All the curtains closed as if trying to hide the shame of what is going on, the speaker so loud its drowning out the thoughts of how life is going for your people. Out of the 6, 4 are passed out. 2 are somewhat coherent- one keeps looking around with a 1000 yard stare, in the deepest part of the eyes you can see the spirit that can't make sense of what's going on. The other is babbling nonsense to the air "no you're crazy... hahaha.... they said they would be back, they said.". I grab the quarter bottle, probably belonged to one of those passed out. I take my first drink of a 4 dayer, because misery loves company.
How does a native cope with active colonialism? You get caught between wanting to fight like hell for what's right, or giving up entirely. Most choose the latter- getting into blind addiction, not wanting to think, not wanting to feel. Mistaking it for warmth and comfort from a harsh, arrogant, ignorant world. When in reality it just makes you numb. Easiest way to cope instead of fighting. I don't discriminate for those fighting addiction, I may not understand exactly what they are going through, but hey- me too. A moment of bliss or blacking out for 3 days feels better than being hurt or angry at the world for even a minute. Because in essence we don't want that for the world right? We want to love. We want to change things. We know what's best. That fight is in us, but that hope can be far from reach. Sometimes when we can't fight the system built to destroy us, we tear down our own brothers and sisters. Mocking them for being able to handle colonialism and actively stepping up, bettering themselves as individuals. It's like we look at their success as our failure. We don't look at it as building capacity within ourselves. Just another fucking way to show colonization is winning.
(Written 2020, crossed out 2023) I remember driving in my hometown, Bella Coola Valley. For work I went up Valley, to Stuix (Stuie on Canadian maps). On the drive I was talking to my fellow cousins (no relation). "Fucking white people" was repeated while driving by occupied houses sitting on unused farmland. The open fields dwarfed the 3 story houses that would put the local band office to shame. "Just sickens me, 2 of these properties are bigger than one of our reserves". "Welcome to tweedsmuir lodge" stands at the entrance of my ancestral inheritance. Some of these families up valley have been here for generations. Like for sure they oppressed mine kind of thing. Sure no one is at fault today. But they get to enjoy the spoils of what has happened? Fucking pricks. At the most there are 4 families living in one household on my reserve while there are fields of unused land. What are they doing to alleviate the injustices of past mistakes? Maybe once they do that I'll stop saying "fucking white people". Until then I have a right to my anger, my hatred, my hurt.
(2023) No. There is a better way to move forward than complete hatred- A reasonable amount of anger is a given. Healing takes both sides, and creator knows we are trying to show up. Against all odds, we are trying ❤️
“Wherever we go, needs feed and I find it harder and harder to / believe benevolence is the thing Thousands of Yazidi girls // missing and plastic fills the ocean’s mouth and the cursive of / yr name still occupies the canopy of my throat Fuel, the under- // pinning What fires your gd engine Rigor, mortis Cold as / unmoving or unmoved The opposite of music Warm in the // cold universe Molten, forming A rock becoming magma / becoming lava becoming land Land, the trauma of lava Lava // the lamp of the ancestors and later a cheeky find in the Junk / shop”
Do you have any native folklore you’ve always wanted to write about? I can say I’m educated enough on the topic to offer ideas, but I do love to hear others passions
I have a lot of ideas. Lol. I’m sure you’ve seen but I always love hearing more ideas too! The only ones that I won’t write about are Sk1nw@lk3rs and W3nd1g0s. Don’t even like spelling them out. Feel free to ask me to write about whatever Indigenous monster/folklore/story you’d like to read