#inhale content at an alarming speed and then spit out whatever i make as a result | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yuziyuanapologist · 3 years

Text

all my rage

the chengsu (jiang cheng/qin su) agenda - 1.7k - canon divergence from episode 40.

mild content warnings for canon typical discussion of qin su’s parentage + jin rusong’s death. (sometimes im a jgy apologist but not in this fic.)

[AO3 link!]

It’s late into the evening of the banquet when Qin Su appears at the door to Jiang Cheng's guest rooms, tears streaming down her face, her sobs interrupting the breaths she takes, and her hand half raised from when she had knocked.

"Jin-furen," he greets, brow furrowed with concern - her proper title not a common thing from his lips, and from the way she flinches at it, it's an address that he now regrets. "Qin Su, what's - what's wrong?"

She opens her mouth to reply, but it's drowned out by renewed tears, a hand to her chest as she gasps, other hand against the door frame to steady herself.

He falters for a second, unsure - but it's all he can do, to stand aside, and allow her entry into his rooms. He shuts the door behind her; it’s perhaps improper, but it's not something that he cares about at this moment.

“Qin Su -” he moves forward, a hand to her shoulder. “Would you - would you like to sit?” He gestures to the table, and tries to encourage her forward without pushing. He’s still - still - not good at comforting, but she needs it, so he grits his teeth and walks with her across the room.

She gives a shaky exhale as she sinks to a kneeling position. Her shoulders still tremble as she rests her forearms on the table, hands folded together, as if playing at composure. Jiang Cheng sits beside her, watching closely, carefully, desperate to give her anything that she needs, however ill-equipped he is for it.

"Jiang-Zongzhu," she whispers, her eyes shut tight, tears still escaping. "Jiang Cheng, I-" She shakes her head, once, again, again. "I can't - it's shameful, I -"

She sobs once more, and never has Jiang Cheng felt helplessness like this - or not - not now.

He puts a gentle (is it gentle? He hopes so. He lost that touch a while ago, if he ever had it) hand on her forearm, and his thumb soothes circles through her thin sleeves, a trick he learnt from - from - whatever.

"Qin Su, what can I do?"

"Nothing - oh, nothing! There is nothing that can be done, except to -" She lets out a frustrated sound akin to a growl, a scream, a cry. And, at the tail of the sound, as it quiets to a breath, she speaks.

"I received a letter," she says. Another quivering breath, and she continues. "A letter which revealed the truth of my parentage."

Jiang Cheng stops his words before they can escape; he does not need to interrupt. If left the space to continue, she will - he knows this. He knows her.

"He-" it's spat out, a strangled sound. Furious, and Jiang Cheng understands that feeling better than anyone. "I am a child of assault," she spits.

"I'm sor-" Isn't that what he's supposed to say? But she cuts him off.

"I am a child," she continues, teeth gritted. "Of Jin Guangshan."

Of - of - what?

"And he knew!" it's more of a wail, now. "A-Yao knew, since before the wedding. But he thought it better to keep quiet, because it was - after A-S-" She doesn’t seem able to say the name - understandable. Sometimes Jiang Cheng struggles with the same thing. With others, too.

He still has his hand in her arm, but now she takes it in one hand, then both, gripping it tight enough to hurt, tight enough for him to feel the ring of Zidian making imprints in her soft skin.

They had both loved A-Song. A friend for A-Ling, and a sweet boy, with his dimpled smile and eyes filled with wonder. He had been so joyful, listening intently to every word his mother cooed to him in the cradle, and he had laughed with delight when Jiang Cheng lifted him high into the air, something that A-Ling had been too big for by then.

It had always been strange how distant Jin Guangyao had seemed to keep himself from his own son. Jiang Cheng had written it off as the panic of fatherhood, and understood it, having felt almost the same way when - but - but this is -

"Jiang Cheng," Qin Su says, her words now deliberate and emotionless, as if it’s the only way she can force them out. "He killed my son." As soon as she has spoken, she gasps, and lets the despair take her again.

"He - how-" Words fail him. Anger is familiar, yes, but with his hands held so tightly in hers, his concentration is on Zidian, on not letting it spark out the rage it knows he feels.

"He set it up!" she cries. "He set it up so that - in case A-Song was -"

Her voice tails off, and her tears come silent now, mouth open in grief that she can't express - grief that she has never been able to express.

He's not very well going to be any help with that. Instead, he lifts his other hand, covering hers and his with it, and channels his anger to his voice.

"I'll kill him."

He's not saying it as he once did, half in jest, more frustration than rage - no, this is cold, hard, the steel edge of his lightning anger. He knows he can say nothing to ease her pain, and he knows that she doesn't want to hear anything else. This, though, this he can say.

"Or I will," she forces out, voice cracked and broken and yet fierce.

His right hand is numb from her grip, but in some soothing way it helps. The absence of feeling there is a distraction, a grounding force, because if he could stand and leave, he'd do it, he'd go straight to the Fragrance Hall and he'd -

There's a knock at the door. A familiar, soft, fucking patronising tap, and a horribly familiar voice calling through.

"Jiang-Zongzhu," It's oozing politeness, dripping saccharine syrup and burning into Jiang Cheng's ears. "Do you know where A-Su is?"

Qin Su's grip on his hands tightens yet more for a second, and then, with a sharp inhale - loosens. She extracts her hands from his grip, forcing herself into a cool and measured manner, and pushes herself to stand, wiping her sleeves beneath her eyes. All of this before Jiang Cheng has even been able to speak. Without Qin Su's hands on his own, they've curled into fists that he can barely relax.

"Why would I?" he calls in response to Jin Guangyao, attempting the offhand gruffness that he's perfected these years, but it falls short.

Qin Su shakes her head, and takes a step towards the door, wobbling only a little. Inside her sleeves, her hands, too, are curled into fists.

In this moment, he's somewhat afraid of her. And then - all at once - his mouth is curling into a prideful smirk at her power, anticipation for what will come, and he stands, following behind her to the door.

"Give me a minute," he calls roughly to Jin Guangyao. Make him wait.

Just before Qin Su can put a hand on the door to open it, he takes her arm with his left hand. "Trust me," he murmurs at her look of alarm, and lifts his right hand to hers, fingers curling round her wrist.

He's never done this before, but he shuts his eyes, and whispers to the lightning anger.

Slowly at first, then with a smooth speed, Zidian slithers across to her wrist, making itself at home against her delicate skin, the ring winding itself around her middle finger, and sealing itself. It looks as though it belongs there - Jiang Cheng almost can't bear to let go, not least for the strange calm he feels without the static flickering on the edges of his consciousness.

She gives him a sort of smile, a tear left unshed at the corner of her eye, marring the perfect picture of callous anger. He nods once, swallows, and lifts a thumb to brush away the tear.

She slides the door open, and Jin Guangyao is there, all smiles, all relief to see her. All that and sticky sweet falsehood, and at the edge of it, a calculating glint in his eye.

"A-Su," he says, "I've-"

Jiang Cheng hears the crackling before he does, sees the flash of purple before Jin Guangyao has a chance to react.

He's felt Zidian's sting himself only once before, and it was only the laughable mistake of letting a young Jin Ling play with the weapon, a mild hit compared to some.

This - this is full force and heavy, throwing Jin Guangyao back across the courtyard, into the decorative pond in front of the opposite building. This is what he deserves.

"A-Su-" he struggles to stand.

She whips him again, and this time he stays down, blood dribbling from his mouth as he looks at her with wide, frightened eyes.

She's beautiful like this. Fearsome, proud, her slight stature almost unnoticeable with the amount of rage that she holds inside. Jiang Cheng could watch for - forever.

Jin Guangyao croaks from the pond he’s slumped in. "Please, A-Su, let me -"

Once more, and he's unconscious.

The commotion is stirring people from the surrounding buildings now, running footsteps and voices audible, and though Qin Su’s face is etched with a cool, triumphant smile, Jiang Cheng knows to act.

"Qin Su," he urges. "Quick. Give me Zidian back, say it was me."

Her eyes flicker with defiance, but she climbs down from it, her breathing quickening. "I -"

He takes her hand in his before she can argue, and summons Zidian back.

"Jiang Cheng-" The beginnings of panic are showing in her eyes as she glances to where the sounds of crowds are coming from - but at least the satisfaction shows no signs of giving way to regret.

"We'll work it out," he says, and then swallows all his past down to continue. "Come back to Lotus Pier with me. You'll be safe there."

She meets his gaze, and he hopes it holds all the truth that's in his heart, all his intentions.

Letting go of her wrist, he lets Zidian crackle once, twice, between his fingers, and searches her eyes for the answer.

A moment later, she gives it, a gentling of her eyes, a sadness to her smile, and she nods. Whispers "thank you," and lifts her hand to press a brief touch of palm to cheek.

He nods, trying not to let his breathing stutter, and turns back towards Jin Guangyao’s unconscious form, moving to stand in front of her as the crowds rush into the courtyard.

Behind his back, he moves his left hand. A second later, she takes it.

#jiang cheng? falling in love with woman who can injure him? its more likely than you think #the untamed #the untamed fic #cql fic #mine #fic*

116 notes · View notes