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macrolit · 2 years

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Emotionally, I wanted to stay. Intellectually, I wanted to leave. As always, I seemed to enjoy punishing myself.

Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963 Susan Sontag

#susan sontag #Reborn: Journals and Notebooks 1947-1963 #punishment #self punishment #emotionally #intellectually #inner struggle #quotes #quote

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wayti-blog · 1 year

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The actual fight to expand ourselves spiritually only begins when we wish to commit ourselves to unconditionally loving all the [of/in] life every second. Then we get to know ourselves, because we come across all the feelings and character traits of ourselves which still do not want to take part in this universal love.

#self knowledge #know thyself #inner struggle #shadow work #rebelling #ego #personality #character traits #character development #feeling #thinking #acting #spiritual evolution #psychology #daily life #universal love

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euesworld · 1 year

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"Do your best always, at some point in your life it will feel like your best amounts to nothing.. but I assure at that point, the battle is within. So you see? You are still doing your best, it's just that things are so hard inside of you that you can barely function.. but I see you.. I know your struggles. It's not a beautiful place to be in life, but it is needed for growth and healing.. at that point, you will either grow or wither. So it is up to you to do your best even on your inner struggles, cause your life depends on it and so does your happiness.. you can do it!!"

It feels like you aren't doing a damn thing but you are struggling.. that's something, so do your best to get out of that situation - eUë

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shafaqmum · 3 days

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("War With Myself: Visual Expression of Inner Struggles" Premium T-Shirt for Sale by Colorful-Garden gönderdi)

#findyourthing #redbubble #war with myself #visual expression #inner struggle

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thetetra · 1 month

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So I went to a party last night and I brought the StBernard puppy

Here's him in a bear ear hat.

He was a hit and that's not the point of the post.

I went and I met my friend's kid who I met like FOREVER ago as like a 12 year old, but now they are 19 (I think) and they were going WAY too hard on the whole twink thing? I guess thats the best way to describe it?

Like they were aggressively sending out "I really want to be topped right now" vibes and it was interesting to see that in a non sexual setting. Like I could very easily see this person in a gay club 50/50 chance anyone you talk to is on molly, but it wasn't that at all. It was a nice country home in the middle of the woods with just a small town to call civilization a 30 minute drive away.

We were talking permaculture and food forests and solar power and all the things my friend wants to do with her property (and heavily hinting at me buying an adjacent property) and there's Billy excuse me Billie in thigh high socks and his V hanging out trudging through the bushes with us getting their feet wet.

This was all fine and all the problems I was having with it are me problems. I just wasn't prepared for 90 lbs of pure "take me" sex to be walking around, petting my dog, tromping through the woods ect. It wasn't that he's nontraditional nor that I once knew him as this regular kid and now he's all grown up or "wow studio 54 is tromping around in the woods with us lol" ... no no its that I am uncomfortable with people being sexual.

I have to face the fact that I am not as sex positive as I want to be able to claim I am. I have a real repressed problem and bias against people being openly sexual. His mother was fine with it!!! Why can't I be?! Like the whole night I was presenting a calm demeanor but I was like "eew please put some clothes on"... despite the fact that IT WAS A PARTY! Like let the kid dress up and present themselves how they want! Let them try and get lucky they're an adult and they can make their own decisions! Which is all easy to say and hard to sit there and feel in your gut.

thanks for coming to my ted talk and me trying to get over myself.

#sex positive #inner struggle #manifesting the inner journey towards not being a dick about stuff

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theomnicode · 2 years

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Indomitable minds

There seems to be a theme with few characters in the series which depict a certain type of element in their eyes.

Eyes in OPM are very important factors.

Each of these characters seem to possess indomitable mind, a strong ego, which won't bend under any type of brainwashing. As commented by Amai-mask in the chapter titled "Indomitable" where Garou monsterizes, but Amai-mask notably resists the monsterization from occuring, despite being angry.

Where he calls Darkshine's mind weak. Because Darkshine submitted to Garou's superior ego.

A very important feature to have if you fight against a being like OPM God, indeed, as Blast does. Who's very existence seems to threathen the psyche, the minds of people. Resisting monsterization with a strong ego and seemingly not giving in to their hearts desires and impulses would be a big deal. Possibly, more than likely, a hereditary trait too OR capable of being taught to others, which might become important later when speaking about Blast and I wonder...Tatsumaki too? She did resist OPM God after all.

So, to become a companion of justice to vanquish evil aka OPM God, one must have this trait. Otherwise they will just fold like paper.

When Fubuki fights Super sadist for the first time, Do-S comments about her strong ego and her incapability of being able to dominate her and make her surrender her heart.

Once the ego resists the attack on the mind, they can fight back with fervor.

Notably, Fubuki is also the only person who does not submit under Saitama's willpower in a battle of egoes, at least not without a good fight. Garou did fold after a good fight...notably OPM God does not fold easily either.

(And wouldn't that be quite the drama if Saitama has been unconsciously just exerting his ego ideals and divine power over other people. One would start to question if they're actually the good guy and if his friends and acquaintances are actually truly there because of him and because they want to be there and interact with him or because he forced them to essentially obey. Ouch. That would shatter anybody's ego in a heartbeat.)

(It begs the question; is Serious Saitama an alter ego? With a much stronger, forceful ego than normal Saitama? In all honesty, it starts to feel like it, their personalities are vastly different, there's probably a reason why they look very different too.)

(There's gonna be a mirror fight down the line with Saitama vs representation of Heroism Saitama isn't there? The internalized Serious Heroism. I can already see a divine power construct of Saitama's hero suit in my mind's eye and his Hero suit getting pissed at him if he was to ever reject the notion of heroism and this alter ego. The most OPM style mirror fight ever, duking with your own clothes inside your inner universe and the winner er, gets to be the dominant ego or...destroy the other ego. That's an inner struggle if I've ever heard of one.)

Brainwashing can occur by exploitation of cognitive dissonances in the mind, aka not indomitable mind, to create vulnerabilities in the heart. People who have indomitable minds have less inner struggles within themselves than most, it would appear. Inner struggle being the conflict of who the person actually is.

Garou is notably an individual who is also conflicted about himself and who he is.

It is the series theme that Saitama has...quite large inner struggles. It is the key point in the entire series. It means that his ego is actually very fragile, because he postures a lot and tries to appear to be very strong when in truth, he has not let go of the notions that he feels weak. Traumas from childhood upbringing aren't easy to solve and will only fester when left unchecked.

Saitama is not actually very self-confident or has good self-esteem or self-image at all and when thrust into an unfamiliar situation where he is unsure how to proceed, after he got a major ego blow that his heroic intuition is actually not working properly (which he probably still subconsciously recalls), he doubts himself. Though it is a classic INFJ personality trait to doubt themselves.

(As much as I can gather, he feels like INFJ personality type to me but I could be mistaken. But a lot of what is said about the INFJ type ring true for Saitama. Grain of salt here.)

(If the heroic ego of himself, ENFJ personality type and hilariously called "Protagonist" which is extraverted personality type, got a major ego blow and he essentially threw it into the trash bin, it would mean the other ego asserts itself as the more dominant ego.)

Therefore, Saitama is very vulnerable to brainwashing and being exploited that way, at this point in time.

Who's to say he's not already BEING brainwashed though or there is not an attempt being made? We've had plenty imagery and metaphors to go, like where Saitama stands atop monsterized sun and where God's gaze is fixated on his bald head. Though in that image where Saitama stands as the pillar of society, the lazer like focus is reflected from his head.

(I should go back and read that chapter, maybe Saitama having light-bulb moments of clarity because he's more assured of himself is means of protection for himself.)

Who doesn't love some good ol' metaphors. Serious table therapy to fight cognitive dissonance and then OPM god was like "nah I don't like where this is going, it's timetravel time".

Then exerted more control over Garou's mind and his emotions, made him see threats where they did not exist and messed with Saitama's intuition on purpose, to deal a major ego blow, so the more vulnerable personality comes to the surface.

Basically, Serious Saitama is an ego-boost and a defence mechanism for his mind.

Saitama unconsciously defends his physical form with his divine powers, he has apparently unconsciously constructed something to defend his mind too. But the lack of confidence is very telling of what happened. Ego loss that can lead to ego-death.

In psychoanalytic theory, a defence mechanism (American English: defense mechanism), is an unconscious psychological operation that functions to protect a person from anxiety-producing thoughts and feelings related to internal conflicts and outer stressors. Defence mechanisms may result in healthy or unhealthy consequences depending on the circumstances and frequency with which the mechanism is used.[4] Defence mechanisms (German: Abwehrmechanismen) are psychological strategies brought into play by the unconscious mind[5] to manipulate, deny, or distort reality in order to defend against feelings of anxiety and unacceptable impulses and to maintain one's self-schema or other schemas.[6] These processes that manipulate, deny, or distort reality may include the following: repression, or the burying of a painful feeling or thought from one's awareness even though it may resurface in a symbolic form;[4] identification, incorporating an object or thought into oneself;[7] and rationalization, the justification of one's behaviour and motivations by substituting "good" acceptable reasons for the actual motivations.[4][8] In psychoanalytic theory, repression is considered the basis for other defence mechanisms. Healthy people normally use different defence mechanisms throughout life. A defence mechanism becomes pathological only when its persistent use leads to maladaptive behaviour such that the physical or mental health of the individual is adversely affected. Among the purposes of ego defence mechanisms is to protect the mind/self/ego from anxiety or social sanctions or to provide a refuge from a situation with which one cannot currently cope.

(Again a personality trait of INFJ is being extremely introverted intuitive, being able to read patterns and picking up details and feelings to the point it is said they can guess and almost predict the future. Saitama has the added superhuman factor bonus so...he probably can actually and that's how he seems to fight.)

Extraverted intuition however, just will not work for Saitama, because it will just confuse him and make him doubt himself even more and susceptible to outside influences as form of validation to what he's doing. Then cause executive dysfunction because he's conscentious and pressured to do the right thing, but not knowing how to proceed. The reason why he did not go to Garou's aid when other heroes were attacking him and he was prone on the ground.

An excellent example of executive dysfunction is found in the WC scene where Garou demands Saitama to explain his brand of heroism to him, when literally everyone is watching with expectations and Saitama yells back that he doesn't fucking know.

(It is interesting that both wc garou and manga garou make note that Saitama doesn't seem to have everything at home inside his head, at least when manga Saitama has reached beyond god status. The visual effects are also interesting and found from multiple occasions, like when Pig god ate evil natural water and during ce vs phoenixman. Then Saitama conveniently steps in and says "Becoming evil doesn't give you glory at all.")

(Genus is right on the money, to become a god, one also becomes insane. Manga Saitama did teeter on the brink of being unhinged yep.)

For INFJ, there is a need to have external confirmation from others to feel good about doing what they wanted to do anyway. They just go by feeling it out and grasping social cues is something they do subconsciously and it's not something that can be really explained. But self-doubt can make such a person really rely on other people validating what they are doing is right. Even routine actions and having someone watch over your shoulder who is in a position of superior authority (like a boss for instance), can easily disrupt executive functions of such a person and make their brain do apple load screen and fall back on defense mechanism and any possible avenue of learned behaviour and actions to salvage the situation.

Which is to say that Saitama's true personality seems to be coming through more now, the one he had really repressed as a defence mechanism, after Garou fight and ONE keeps crafting masterfully done scenes to illustrate many things very subtly. The fallback on executive dysfunction for manga Saitama seems to be to empathize. It's something he has learned on his journey, where at the start he had forgotten his humanity to the point he did not empathize.

WC Saitama on the other hand...he learned from the past that when that happens, when he doesn't know how to proceed and how to do the right thing and how to empathize, the solution becomes...

Bullying the other into submission.

Learned and adopted at an early age of how he can defend himself.

An extremely worrying factor if you ask me. That's the dark side of the personality shining through. Garou's entire self shattered at that point in the WC and he gave up completely.

That's to say, the lack of empathy, compassion and kindness, is a hallmark of humanity. Becoming godlike, we're being shown that one is detatched from these qualities of humanity.

(INFJ personality type with no empathy...has the capability of becoming very dark. Just putting that there.)

Anyways...

Saitama's inner struggle is going to be a major weak point. It will be exploited. By opening his heart, he opens himself up more for vulnerabilities.

Strong willpower does not mean indomitable mind after all.

Yet it is apparent that if he does not do this and open up his heart, his true personality would be hidden away and then dissolved or...worse.

But there are people out there who can teach Saitama to be at ease with himself and who he actually is. He only needs to reach out.

(There's a reason why Blast is dad and Sekingar is married. Self-confidence, being very handsome and having heart are all very attractive traits for raising family after all.)

(I want the epilogue to feature Saitama with his new family, holy shit, I need this wholesomeness.)

#opm #one punch man #opm meta #saitama #amai-mask #fubuki #blast #opm god #brainwashing #ego #intuition #infj personality #inner struggle #super sadist #do-s #garou #opm manga panels #long #opm wc panels

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quixx · 1 year

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#art journal #my art #handwriting #inner struggle #addiction

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of-wildflowers-and-stars · 2 years

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Do it, Determination whispered down the length of her spear. Do it, he echoed from her target. Her enemy's chest. The girl suspected Determination was born of Revenge and Anger, though she doubted that he would ever admit to his heritage. Do it, he repeated, one hand posed to guide her spear.

No, do not do it, Hesitation spoke. Hesitation was of noble birth, her parents being Mercy and Peace. She was cousins to Respect and Compassion and bore their features subtly. Do not do it, she tugged on the girl's sleeve. What will this solve?

Everything, Hesitation was interrupted by Determination. Do it, and the war will end. Do it, and no more children will cry out in the night. Do it, and your people can cleanse themselves in the blood of their enemies.

And what of their people? Hesitation countered. Will not the suffering only be passed to them? Will their children not cry out in the night? Will they not be forced into a bath of their own blood? And why?

The girl let Hesitation drag her arm lower.

Whatever happens to them they will have brought on themselves. Sacrifice is the price of war. Do it, and your people will be free. Do it, and you will have prevented a murderer from continuing its work. Determination turned to Hesitation, Would you want this vile person to commit such heinous deeds, Hesitation?

Hesitation let go of the girl, pausing for a split second to ponder her answer.

It was a split second too long.

In that time, Determination had guided the girls' hands back up. The girl put all her momentum into the spear, preparing to throw it.

Which person? Hesitation breathed.

It was too late.

The girl released.

Her aim landed true.

#allegory #creative writing #writbelr #writblr #writiers of tumblr #writing snippet #i probably forgot some tags #oops oh well #also hello nice to meet yall #starting this blog out with drama from my drafts #;)#writing prompts #writing inspiration #inner struggle #ig

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mykeyung · 1 year

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Fire Prince Part 2 by Myke Y.U.N.G.

Now our blue spirit is embracing the struggle

And always being compared to a sister who’s

As cold and ruthless as ice, but can literally fire

Lightning from her fingers yet he had to also face

A great loss with his resources being stripped from

Him, his status burned away, and him being the

Prey instead of the predator as well as branching

Away from the one family member who kept

Him rooted to real values, but that didn’t stop

His drive to achieve despite living a lifestyle

That gave him a humble view from below when

He used to look down on anyone who breathed

In the same flames as him, but when he finally

Reconnected with the one who always had his best

Interest at heart, he nearly lost them to his rival

Sibling, but instead of him doing the healing to

Their body, they were the one trying to heal his

Heart telling him he can’t be as powerful as the

One he wants to defeat until he let go of the shame

And anger within so instead he was shown a way

To redirect the storm that he feels always surrounded

Him. Then the two tried to reach a safe haven where

They can start new lives, but while one was content

With a more quiet and simple lifestyle, the prince

Couldn’t stand to be working in a field where his

Fire is so rarely used and he knew he couldn’t be

Himself and it was at that time, signs of his old life

Began to appear which brought the question of

What he wanted to do with his life and he had

An inner struggle within his mind with it seeming

That he has decided to live the simple life with

The family member who has been on this journey

With him, but yet again his sister of the blue flames

Came into his life burning that away and he tried to

Face her but failed and ended in a prison with his

Elemental opposite, but realized the water he saw

As a tsunami had more in common with him and could

Heal the scars away, but then seeing the person he trusted

Work with the wind he has been chasing, he came to a crossroads

Between moving on to a new life or give in to the past that has been

Haunting him and he chose to ally with his rival and betray the

Values he was taught by one who loves him.

#poetry #april assault round 7 #myke y.u.n.g.#avatar the last airbender #zuko #fire #fire prince #sibling rivalry #azula #inner struggle #crossroads #choices #life decisions

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hc-slava · 1 year

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Whumpril 2023 - On the Edge (alternative prompt)

tbh, idk what this is. is this emotional whump? character study? a word salad?

The collar made him want to rip his spine out but he was okay. He was, he was, he was. Repeat it like a mantra, that’s what they say, don’t they? Until it becomes the truth. But Whumpee knew that there is no Truth with capital T. Only truths, and there was many of them, and they slithered and they clawed at him, changing forms as he thought he finally grasped them. Elusive monsters. Like him. Whumper. The Angel with sword for a tongue. Dripping poison from his teeth one moment and hiding Whumpee in his feathered wings embrace the other. Gentle, so loving. Left Whumpee bloody.

No, no, no. Clear head. Clear sight. Clear throat, no screaming. Careful.

Steps need to be measured. Quiet, soft, not a toe out of line. But maybe he wanted to get it chopped of. It’s just a toe. It’s not his Core.

He doesn’t make a sound. He blinks, and the world colours. A canvas. Canvas of strokes and brushes not his, never his.

Who’s he to mind? An ant, a little, just a little one, cruising the floor. But he hates. He hates, hates, hates. The world not his, not safe enough, not enough of Enoughiness he craves.

#whump community #whumpril2023 #creative writing #inner struggle #psychology #neologisms #whumpee #whumper #emotional whump #angst #please interact #its the only way i obtain self esteem

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euesworld · 11 months

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"Names of devils deafen ears of angels, if a devil did touch an angel, would the devil be strangled?"

To be touched by an angel, do the demons release the hold on your soul? Or do they just wait laughing at the depths of hell like jackals cackling waiting for a mistake like a fool being controlled by fools gold? Hahaha.. idk - eUë

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kara-glamour · 1 year

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" The 'I don't know 's "

The dark ruby lips once said:

I am here for you along with the thoughts you haven't met with yet

And the ones that will deprive you from your intact sleep

The plump rosy lips asked:

Do you promise ?

So the wrinkled thin and almost transparent lips replied :

My sweet child , I've never abandoned you.

You are the one whom I promised not just survive but let your lungs breathe the freshest air

The ruby- wine like slowly added:

Shall you be safe with me .

~ Karolina Prokopczyk

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muffinwalloper · 1 year

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Wanda and depression

#wandavision #wanda maximoff #depressed #inner struggle #lost #scarlet witch

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your-heart-is-a-treasure · 2 years

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When the hour comes at the end of time, everything will have lost its way. Everything will be walking in the wrong direction. Everything will have changed its direction. When people change their intention, they change their direction. They do this because they do not know that there is only one direction. When you know which one, your life will be light on you and you will be light for it.

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