#inrequited love

[toadbreath]

dear john;

simon keeps a journal to grieve johnny's death and we all have to suffer for it..

✒ w.c: 3,5k

✒ pairing: ghost x soap // simon riley x john mactavish

✒ rating: m

✒ archive of our own: link here

✒ genre: angst

✒ warnings: mcd!! soap is dead in this fic. suicidal thoughts, alcoholism, implied self harm, emotional distress

✒ author's note: this is only the first chapter, the rest is on ao3, i might add more to it but i'm not sure yet. all ur comments and tags mean the world to me omg

JANUARY 19th, 2024

They call it longing because it takes forever. It is a yearning without an answer and a desire without a satiation. But that is not the whole truth. Longing is only the beginning of it. Longing is a seed in your belly that sprouts the roots of love, but even as the plant begins to grow, you don't know if it's going to bloom a red rose or a poisonous weed. When you're a kid, you think you will know the difference when the time comes, and you will choose the rose, but the older I get, the more I realize that it's not up to me. There is no rhyme or reason to who blooms a flower and who is pruned instead.

I never thought I'd find myself standing among the dead waiting for the flower to bloom. I always assumed I'd be the one with my hand on the sheers, trimming back the branches that would never bear fruit. But I am a soldier, not a gardener.

It’s been three months since your funeral, Johnny. I know you're not listening, and even if you were, there's no way for me to send these to you, but the psychologist said it would help, and I'm running out of ideas.

I'm not used to having something to lose. You changed everything, you changed me. You were a brother, a comrade, a friend, a leader. But you were never just any of those things, and now I don't know how to find my balance again.

I didn't know how much of my weight you were holding up until the ground fell out from beneath my feet. And now, every morning, I wake up, and I forget. Just for a moment, I forget, and the world is right, and the sun is shining, and then I remember. And the loss is the same as it was the day you left, only, now, the wound is festering. I'm rotting, and nothing I do is enough.

There is no honor, no pride in your loss. I cannot make a martyr out of the memory of you. Your death was senseless and meaningless, and I cannot find peace in the knowledge that it was in the name of a noble cause.

There was no nobility in the way he killed you. He didn't kill you because you were a soldier or a terrorist or a man. He killed you because you were in the way. The only comfort I have is that you went out the way you would have wanted, fighting, saving lives, being a hero. But the way you died doesn't erase the way you lived, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot separate the two.

The first time I met you, I saw the same thing in you that I see in myself. You were a killer, and I didn't want to like you, but you made me laugh. It's hard to hold onto your ideals of goodness and righteousness when you've had your hands around the neck of a man begging for his life. But you reminded me what it was like to have a heart, to be human. You made it okay to be the things I was.

There's not a lot of things in this world that scare me. I've stared down the barrel of guns. I've been beaten, tortured, starved, shot, stabbed, burned, and I've survived. I've faced down monsters in men's skin, and I've killed them all, and yet, I don't think I've ever been as afraid as I am right now. I'm scared of who I'll become without you. I'm scared that the last few years will have been wasted, and I'll turn into the kind of man that I would kill. I don't know who I am without you. I don't know how to be alone.

You told me once, after our first mission, that there was no room for regrets on the battlefield, and that there was no point in dwelling on things that could not be changed. At the time, I thought you were being flippant, but I think, now, you were trying to prepare me.

You knew, didn't you? That one of us was going to end up buried.

I wish we could go back, to those first days when the war was new and so were we. Back to the nights of playing cards and talking shit and watching cheesy American movies. We were young and invincible, and we knew everything. It feels like a lifetime ago. I was a different man then, and so were you.

Now, I look at myself, and I don't recognize the person staring back. I'm harder, colder, angrier, and there is a blackness inside me that I'm afraid will swallow me whole.

You were a light in the dark, a candle burning in a window that I could find my way home by. I was lost without you, and you found me. You saved me, and I will never be able to repay you for the debt I owe.

There was always a part of me that wanted more, a part that longed to burn up in the fire of you, to be consumed and destroyed. The only time I have ever felt alive was when you were in my arms. You were the only thing that made sense, the only thing that was good and pure and true, and now you are gone. And I'm left standing in the darkness, waiting for the storm to pass.

I hope that wherever you are, you are finally at peace. I hope that, somehow, you can hear me, and that, maybe, you understand.

I'm not sorry for loving you, Johnny, but I am sorry for saying it too late.

Yours, Simon Riley

read the rest of the chapters on the ao3 link up top~

#ghoap #angst #ghost x soap #soapghost #ghostsoap #cod fic #john mactavish #simon riley #call of duty #mcd #main character death #please read the warnings #fanfic #ao3 fanfic #ao3 #emotion #grief #inrequited love #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #mw3 spoilers #cod spoilers #hurt #zero comfort

[lady-tortilla-chip]

Am thinking suddenly about how pathetic emotionally everyone used to write Chuuya when Dazai is canonically pathetic all the time and it stood to very good reason that he would’ve been in his mafia era too

#TBH I hated all that then but it’s funnyyyyy now looking back #cuz everyone just kinda #decided that’s what made sense somehow and like NO that didn’t seem true to me then #tho I diiiiiid think he had a bigger response to dazai leaving than he did #but OTHERWISE the ‘pathetically in inrequited love’ annoyed me 😂 #bungou stray dogs #Soukoku

[goldenkid]

thinking about tenjackmartha

#suuuuuch an interesting dynamic #like imagine if the section of them on the run had gone on longer in sound of drums #the 3 of them running hiding out in warehouses stealing food building tech out of paperclips and string #martha's fear for her family and the conflict between her + the doctor because of this #and then them finding ways together to securely contact leo etc through the aforementioned string and paperclips tech #jack trying to get in touch with torchwood #and then the DYNAMICS. like jack and martha both being in inrequited love with ten #the fact that ten cannot & will not return those feelings HOWEVER he's forced 2 be less closed off. there will eventually be a confrontatio #and he will have to face up to how he has treated martha and jack #and then both jack and martha bonding over the fact that the doctor has hurt them...jack telling martha about nine and rose #and martha understanding the doctor more but not forgiving him. but understanding his lifespan and all this HISTORY #and all 3 of them being attracted to each other. LIKE think about it...how good it could be #alone and scared and stressed with only each other and all this pain and history and closeness already there #and they all have such good transferrable skills as well like jack and the doctor are both old soldiers and survivors and martha is a docto #they're all used to danger but not to this isolation and powerlessness #and ofc how would the master factor into all of this? are they being chased? does he just want them scared and on the run? #many thoughts

[jayzzu]

unrequited love <- dont ask that was the first thing i could think of

inrequited love -> ashfur -> demonic possesion -> ghosts -> skip

#warrior carts *leans aganist all my wc merch* come back pookie bear.... #ask

[pikie-mystery]

The girl from class and my initiation to manhwa

BOOK REVIEW 📚

The girl from class by Subong Park turned out to be a manhwa with comical, dramatic moments and deep meaning.

The story is about inrequited love, passion, friendship and betrayal. I expected a soft story but it exceeded my expectations. The art is simples but beautiful and super understandable. 😊

#manhwa #romance #comedy #passion #friendship #betrayal #subong park #the girl from class

[ao3feed-thehobbit]

Warrior of Yavannah

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/KcdhM9X

by Pallalalo

Everytime he caught Thorin’s gaze, he felt his heart burst with love. The smile on Thorin’s face was something he would never forget. A smile that was so bright, Bilbo was sure it could melt pure ice- the smile of Durin himself, though it was a rare sight to see on Thorin Oakenshield.

But after the excitement, there was the void.

Bilbo closed his eyes, again, focusing on digging his fingers into the muscle of his leg, as well as he could.

#

The Valar send Bilbo back in time. He has changed the course of history, and those who had lived have died, and those who were supposed to die live. How will Bilbo navigate through this new, uncertain future to ensure his mission succeeds- For Thorin to live and for Frodo to smile?

Words: 12406, Chapters: 2/9, Language: English

Series: Part 3 of Bilbo Baggins, Warrior of the Valar

Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/M, M/M, Multi

Characters: Bilbo Baggins, Thorin Oakenshield, Thorin's Company, Dwalin (Tolkien), Balin (Tolkien), Tauriel (Hobbit Movies), Legolas Greenleaf, Thranduil (Tolkien), Gandalf | Mithrandir, Aulë | Mahal, Lady Yavannah, Bard the Bowman, Bard the Bowman's Children, Dáin Ironfoot

Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Kíli (Tolkien)/Tauriel (Hobbit Movies)

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Slow Romance, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Battle of Five Armies Fix-It, Time Travel Fix-It, Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, but its skippable, Everyone Needs A Hug, Thorin is a Softie, Bilbo Baggins has magic, Permanent Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags May Change, legolas' fat inrequited crush, but dont worry, in the future he will have love - Gimli's love, Magical Bilbo Baggins

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/KcdhM9X

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #the hobbit

[manicthoughts]

It seems I have an inability to describe you,

Without dripping my sentences if flow’ry odour,

Painting hazy, glitt’ry clouds of pink and blue,

And traveling down to hapinness’ core

Unapologetically you, a spirit never to waver

You are every poets’ forbidden muse turned one

At least, until my wretched pen leaves my paper

When reality comes and the mystique is gone

C.C.

#poem #poetry #inrequited love #a la disaster bisexual #fuck shes so awesome #bisexual #wlw #lgbtq

[therononsticks10]

Despite all your efforts, they won't really stay if they are not meant to stay.

#hurt unhappy leaving #unhappy #inrequited love #if it means a lot to you #you are not for them #wake up

[muchhollandlove-blog]

be loved

if i can't love you

i hope you're loved

as much as i love you

i'd be devastated if you're sad

lonely

lost

everything you wouldn't be

if i could love you

but there's not much point,

is there?

if i love you, but you don't love me back

because you're not getting anything that you deserve

so if it's not me

i still hope you have it

i still hope you find someone that loves you

as much as i do

- mine

#poetry #thoughts #love #inrequited love #things that make me cry #feelings #be loved #i love you enough to let you go #lovers #my whole heart

[kyleclxin]

Everything #1

She pushes everyone away, but feels lonely by doing so.

She pushes everyone away, but she doesn't actually want to.

She just wants someone to put an effort into her.

To just show her, she's worth it.

But she knows, she isn't worth it to anyone.

After him, she hasn't seen anyone put an effort into her.

Even if it was a lie, he had shown her that he actually put effort into those lies he spun.

From the way he came over when she needed him the most.

To the way he tried to get her things she needed, and succeeded most of the time.

It was nice to feel worth it.

But everyone else?

She hadn't seen anyone put so much effort into her, as he did.

That is even when, she combined all of her friend's efforts.

They we're nothing compared to him.

She knew, it wasn't fair to her friends, whom she knew, did care about her well being, while for him, she was just a way to kill time.

She knew, it wasn't fair to compare them.

Because everyone had their own problems, and she don't want to add to them.

She did miss him, yes.

But even more than him, she missed how he made her feel cared for.

How he showed it in his own way.

How he held her hand when they walked.

How he made sure she was okay, both mentally and physically.

All the things he did for her.

She knew, none of her friends would do those things.

She knew, she didn't even deserve it in the first place, from him.

But she just missed it.

The effort.

The care.

The love.

Even if it was only a lie.

How in the world, was she supposed to trust and tell her friends things, when every time she did, she got the vibe she was bothering them.

She got the vibe that, they had better things to do, than listen to her problems.

She got the vibe that, they didn't care enough for her.

At least he said he didn't care when she ranted.

#i feel like shit #sad #depressed #writers write #writer #writers on tumblr #writers #writing #feelings #friends #inrequited love #long post

[dinopant]

,,

#fuckin #wish my own body didnt make me feel nasty and gross #wish i could bond with new people or be in love properly #wish i could stop being sad over stupid shit #wish id stop having these thoughts that my friends are only friends with my because they feel they need to #or that i havent done anything terrivle justify fucking off so they just put up with me #or something #i wish these problems could just go away over night insteed of dwelling and becoming more and more a problem as time goes on #there used to be a point where being in love felt fine even if inrequited #or that i was just ok with my body even if it qasnt my ideal standard #or that it just didnt occur to me that maybe my friends thought i was annoying and or a bad person #idk man #god nerfed me

[bipirate]

Oh, I'm curious now, why do you mean by your entire perception of LWJ is unpopular in the fandom? Share your problematique views with us please! As for the characters for the ask thing, how about Jin Guangyao?

i’m not the one with the problematic views on lan wangji lmao. i just mean that the mdzs fandom as a whole tends to characterize lwj as he is in the novel, meaning a possessive, jealous, aggressive stoic man that’s rough in bed borderline abusive, but framed as romantic. it’s no secret that i don’t like the novel or lwj’s character in the novel specifically, but even a lot of cql fans tend to veer towards this interpretation. whereas my (correct) views on lwj are that he’s a gentle and loving man who sometimes struggles with expressing his emotions but would do anything for the people he loves, including letting them go when he needs to. nothing ‘problematique’ about that. 

as for jin guangyao:

How I feel about this character: i dont like him lmao... i like that he’s so funky and evil though. that moment where he stabs the guard and nmj literally sees everything and jgy is like ‘it wasnt me it was xue yang!!’ was SO funny. but as a person he’s trash and im not interested in redemption arcs for him 

All the people I ship romantically with this character: none. but i do think su she had an inrequited crush on him because that’s funny 

My non-romantic OTP for this character: i guess him and xue yang being evil together is kinda funny 

My unpopular opinion about this character: sometimes i see fix it fics where jgy gets a redemption because one (1) thing is changed as if that will just turn him good and make him stop trying entirely to win his father’s favour and do anything to climb to the top. the man killed people. including his own son. whose mother is his sister. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i wish qin su had gotten to stab him lol 

#anon #ask

[ganlink]

in ur ideal scenarió how does link realize he loves ganon? how does ganon realize he loves link?

I would have to take a super long time to think about this but anyways, Ganondorf would definitely fall for Link first. That’s just the rules in my world, because Link has a lot more to lose by loving Ganon whether he realizes it or not. But really it depends on the AU... I have so many...

Ganny would start to love Link after being spared from certain death, or maybe before that LOL. Almost like a fatal attraction. Link has a general Zest for Life and doesn’t want for much, even though he grew up poor in a small farming village, while Ganondorf always seems to have inrequited pining for literally anything, whether it’s Hyrule or the Triforce or whatever. So I think he would start to love Link with the curiosity of what it would feel like to be loved back by someone who just... sees the good in everything and everyone. I love Piningdorf. 😻

Link is a harder nut to crack though because Ganondorf would really have to put in the effort to earn some of that romantic luvin. Ganondorfs idealic vision of him isn’t exactly the most true to life. Sure Link loves everyone but he isn’t just about to forget everything that Ganondorf has done (especially the part where he kills his BFF Midna, that was kinda Bad) but I like the idea of Ganondorf and Link letting their walls down through working and living together (ideally in Ordon) and being able to see eachothers soft sides, but more importantly come to terms their own vulnerability. Does this make sense or am I just a rambling ass bitch, I dunno. But Ganlink.

Sometimes I think of that scene from Prince of Egypt (because it is a very good movie) where Moses becomes a shepherd after fleeing Egypt and ties flowers to Tziporrahs herding stick and walks away before she can notice, and when she does, she stares at his retreating form with a really thoughtful look on her face. That’s Ganon and Link.

#twilight princess #ganlink #messages #anonymous #🎀

[treat-yo-shelves-17]

12.29.19 📚

It’s Super Stack Sunday!

Today’s Super Stack is all about my favorite characters of 2019. Whether it’s a character I could really relate to (like Molly from Them Upside of Inrequited’), characters I was just mesmerized by (Ari and Dante, Ocean James), or OTPs I fell in love with (Alex and Henry, Arthur and Ben, Mare and Cal - and SO many more!), I’ve met so many amazing characters this year❤️

📚Who have been your favorite characters of 2019?

#book #books #bookish #booklr #book nerd #book lover #book worm #book addict #book aesthetic #bookaholic #book blogger #book blog #book photo #book photography #books books books #book stack #read #reader #reading #what light #the upside of unrequited #a very large expanse of sea #aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe #one of us is lying #what if its us #they both die at the end #red white and royal blue #red queen #bibliophile #super stack sunday

[randomzxx]

I can’t help how I feel. And this is scary.

I love you. And I never thought I could feel this about a person, but I do. I wish I could tell you and you can say it back. But I fear you only see me as a friend.

How can I get you to love me, or more simply, how do I stop loving you. This is insane.

I write this here because I know you will never see it, although this is all I want you to see. Same for all the posts I make, longing for you to think I’m beautiful or funny - someone you could one day love.

I hope it happens. But if not, know what I felt was true and I don’t regret it.

#love #spilled ink #thoughts #sad #inrequited love #wish #why

[holylulusworld]

Inrequited: wow I have been looking a long time for an angsty, unrequited love story with Dean and the reader. What can I say, I hate the feeling of never being some ones first choice but I love reading about it because it makes me understand my own feelings beter. I reallyove the story!

Hi there! I really liked writing the request. It will be a painful journey until we reach the part how she ended up in hospital. I haven’t decide how to end it yet. Normally I always know how I want to end a story. Well I just finished chapter three so still time to figure the end out. Good or bad...we will see.

It’s great the story helps you.

By the way I listend to the song Siberia to get inspired.

“My heart did time in SiberiaWas waiting for the life to come true‘Cause it’s all so dark and mysteriousWhen the one you want doesn’t want you tooWhen the one that you want doesn’t want you”

Those lines let me find the direction for the story. And made me cry…

#lulu answers