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#insert evil palpatine laugh here
coe-lilium · 4 years
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TroS reaction (1st view)
Necessary premise in bullet points:
- I liked TFA when it came out and still do but as I dug into the franchise/canon (Disney only by choice) my enjoyment of it became more lukewarm. Came out of it dreading a potential Reylo but liking the two charas on their own. 
- went into TLJ worried I’d hate it, came out with it being my favorite saga movie and sold on the Rey-Ren connection, whatever road it would’ve taken. Loved the “Rey’s powerful on her own/bc the Force wants to set Kylo’s wrongs right”. It felt good after two years of being bombarded with “this fucking Mary Sue can have any power only if she’s connected to powerful men of the saga, she has otherwise no right in being powerful” in forums spaces.    
- went into TroS non-spoiled, wary of Palpatine return but relatively hopeful if soured about the “JJ our lord and saviour pleease save us from evil evil Jonhson” (HA!). The rumors about lore from the tv series being featured into the movie had me excited.  
That said, here goes: [SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE MOVIE, ENDING INCLUDED, RIGHT OFF THE BAT]
I didn’t like it. I really hope to warm up to it more in future views, there’s absolutely stuff I liked or even loved, but as it stands now it was overall a massive disappointment on many sides and -worst of all- threatens to retroactively ruin my enjoyment in other previous stories. 
First, the positives: 
- Parentage notwithstanding, Rey was good. Her rage, her fears, her good heart, her commitment to the fight and the training, her longing for guidance… truly, if the bloodline revelation hadn’t retroactively ruined my investment in the character and themes I’d have fully, 100% loved her even if every single other part of the movie had been the same. 
Except for a brief war flashback to Starkiller game abilities (I lolled) I wasn’t even troubled by all the new abilities or their scope. Movies’ been inventing new powers since the beginning and the Force does what the Force wants. Again, fuck the genetics “twist”, garbage stuff. 
- Kylo, next to… 95% that involved him? TLJ did a great job selling him to me and surprisingly this movie added to that instead of retconning it away. More competent but still stupid and petty from time to time. I’m glad he came back, glad he choose right and glad he was allowed more time on the right side than Anakin. I love redemptions and he was portrayed as wavering the entire trilogy, I don’t even really care that it could’ve done better. I’m happy for him and his family, that’s all. The kiss got a laugh out me but not a malicious one, I was kind of running out of reasonable reactions by then. 
I’m just conflicted on how I feel about his death. Back when TFA was released I wanted him to survive to face what Anakin didn’t: justice (the kid-friendly setting prevented a death sentence anyway), atonement and growth from there, I still wish it happened and maintain that a different pacing would’ve allowed it. On the other hand, I’m also kinda okay with him dying. He righted at least a bit of his many wrongs, he saved a person he cared for, that his parents cared for and that could help the galaxy much more than he ever could and he was at peace. It was a good death.      
- Kylo’s vision/illusion of Han. A surprise but a very pleasant, well acted one. Would’ve I maybe liked Anakin more, as Ben idolized him so much and for all the wrong reasons and because I love that disaster? Yes. Does Han work much better in the economy of the movie and trilogy story and do he and Ben have a much rawer relationship and history? Absolutely. I am a teeny tiny bit baffled as  for why Luke didn’t also show up, but the actual scene was good enough I forgive it.  
- Rey and Kylo bond and connection was one of the saving graces of this mess and I utterly loved it. Both actors worked their asses for for all their scenes and it payed off, oh if it payed off. Their DSII duel was perhaps a tad long but great nonetheless (Republic era Jedi jumps!), the hurt and the sense of absolute loss and grief they both conveyed -and shared!- after Leia’s passing was incredible, Rey regretting the near kill and softly going “I would have stayed, had you renounced the dark side”. She cared, yes, but not to the point of ignoring the horrors (something Anakin never quite understood). The “dyad” stuff was a bit overkill, just call it a force bond, we can see it’s freaking powerful, but the Force Skype and sharing of objects that came with the package, that I loved. Surprise lightsaber, Ren fuckers! :D Bet Anakin and Obi Wan were really jealous, that would’ve come in handy during the war.       
- Finn was now fully invested in the cause, at ease, visibly happy to be with his friends, ready to bond and reach out, quick to plan, to act and to adapt to the situation, brave but cautious and calculating. I wish it was given a bit more focus, but I loved he found other young FO defectors. Also fuck yeah, he’s force sensitive and his ability is used, not just thrown in as a useless wink. Jedi Finn in future material, c’mon!
- Poe’s also grown. He was probably going to have more screen time with Leia had Carrie not died but there was nothing to be done for that. I’m not as happy as for previous 3 charas for the backstory retcon I’ll tackle in the negatives.
- Jannah was cool, the addiction of other FO defectors a welcomed one and the scene were she and Finn excitedly went over their “I broke free” moment was adorable. Good bean, I’d read more about her and her company. 
- A bit lot annoyed at Bloodline being kinda tossed outta the window but getting Leia with lightsaber was nice. Give me some ancillary material to deal with the clash and I’ll fully forgive it. 
- Jedi! MY GIRL AHSOKA MY MAN KANAN! I mean, I sure wish they were in a better movie, but hey, recognition for something more than the OT? No slandering of the Order but all of them collectively kicking Sidious ass once and for all? I’ll gladly take it. Anakin, my dude, I’m sorry your sacrifice was next to nullified but it was good to hear you again ;_;  I didn’t hear Ezra’s voice anywhere so I can still hope he’s alive, well and with the Ascendancy teaching all their Navigators. “I am all the Jedi” remains a terrible line. 
And now, oh boi. Here comes the long list of annoying - bad - stinking shit stuff: 
- If I wanted to watch a 2 and half long videogame cutscenes I’d have done that in the comfort of my home without spending money for tickets. Go to level x to retrieve related macguffin, move to next level to get next macguffin and so on and so on. I liked close to everything in the DS II sequences, but what would’ve that dagger pointed at if the wreckage had fallen even a little bit differently?   
In general, many plot points gave me the feeling they were stolen from the tv series and badly executed, like a mockery (or incompetence?). Case in point: Hux betraying the 1st Order out of personal, spiteful hate? Potentially good! The execution? A poor man’s Rebels Agent Kallus, already over in little more than 5minutes. 
- Palpatine himself is a poorly, ridiculously poorly executed Maul resurrection storyline from tcw and rebels. 
Because Maul was 1. explained and 2. got a good, long arc that made you forgive the undoubtably contrived ass-pull it took to bring him back while Sidious is just… there. You gotta accept it because the writer said so. 
How did he survive? We don’t know and fuck you if you expect an explanation (they really had the absolute galls to have him say the iconic/meme line from Rots and apparently it was supposed to be enough?!) How could he “have all Sith reside inside me” when canon’s clear that Sith do-not-get-to-retain-their-individuality-in-the-Force, do not work well together (lmao) and he as an individual never gave a shit about the Sith except when they could serve his own personal desires? His entire approach to the rule of two and other Sith stuff is “fuck that noise, everything in the galaxy exist to serve me”. He’s fine dying as long as “the Sith rule”? Who IS this character, because he’s not Darth Sidious (as presented in Disney’s own canon, mind). Oh, you wanted explanations? FUCK YOU, screams the movie. 
The mess gets somehow salvaged in the end as he comes to his senses and siphon the life out of Rey and Ben to de-rotten/revive himself to rule in person, now *that* was in character. Was he actually lying his ass off the entire time waiting for the moment he could siphon them? Hopefully but who the hell even knows.
In the end it just wasn’t worth bring him back. A holocron, a different Sith, even a hive-mind of old records/tainted wraiths of Sith (perhaps wearing Palps face to buy the old empire aficionados loyalty, idk) would’ve been better than “actually, Anakin suffered nearly his entire life and sacrificed himself for barely more than 25 years of peace and it still wasn’t enough to rid the galaxy of the monster who destroyed his and countless other lives”. But Johnson was the one shitting on beloved characters legacy and accomplishments, uh? Surely at least he’s got company. 
Ian was clearly having a blast, so there was… that? And the initial sequence being legit creepy and the Sith storm or whatever the fuck was that. That can stay, it was cool.     
- Poe, the latino character, got retconned from former Republic pilot (a backstory established before TFA came out and faithfully respected ever since) into a smuggler and gang member. Classy. What does Lucaslfilm have a story group for if not for stopping stuff like this from happening? Bonus Zorii being used for a “no homo! homo? no homo?” wink wink and for generally being a poor man Solo’s Qi’ra.   
- The movie makes you worry for a character death three (3) times in a row only to immediately backpedal on it. The survivors are grieving, the scene is sober… and then suddenly! they’re alive! isn’t it wonderful? let’s insert a comical scene now that we’re at it! Sigh.   
- The whole Threepio stuff was a contrived waste of time in a movie already full of more relevant plot treads that could’ve put that screen time to better use. 
- Rey’s parents apparently aren’t assholes anymore bc they sold her into slavery to protect her from Sidious, which is… supposed to make it alright, a sacrifice in the name of love? If they had been shown trying to give her to a trusted person and then she was kidnapped that wouldn’t had been their fault, just unfortunate, but the movie shows them leaving their 5yo daughter with her in-all-but-name slaver so?? 
- Rey Palpatine… Rey. Palpatine. Gesù Cristo benedetto che minchia mi è toccato di vedere. That hurt. That was so hilariously over the top bad I just…I started laughing. On top of the entire thing, thank you so, soo much for validating all those fucking assholes who demanded Rey be connected to a powerful man in the saga to accept her powers and value, you hack. Jedi were never about power of blood and then you went and reinforced the very opposite. She ain’t powerful bc the Force recognized her as worthy to stop evil and chose to aid her anymore, she’s powerful bc grandfather was. Lovely stuff. Hilariously, now she has a lot more legit “Mary Sue” traits than before. 
- Rose’s sidelining was a blatant bow to her and her actress haters whims. If in VIII she jumped at the chance of action, now she was fearful and “had to stay behind” studying maps. Fuck that noise. 
- Even if she rejected it, underline is that the Skywalker line is wiped out and the Palpatine one thrives. I… just… wtf wtf wtf. A final “Just Rey” would’ve been more powerful -because now it would’ve been reclaimed- and less corny and in poor taste than a Palpatine taking on the Skywalker name. I’m not sure if Sidious is more offended or if he’s laughing his ass off in space!hell. Probably the 2nd. Bad.      
- The final scene on Tatooine. It rang so empty because the planet brings warm memories only to the audience, not the characters. In-universe, that place brought nothing but misery to the Skywalkers: Anakin and Shmi were brought there as slaves and lived as such for years, Shmi was tortured to death and Anakin began his descent into the dark for crying out loud. Luke had to hide and saw his relatives murdered. Leia had no connection whatsoever to the place. The mera idea of burying Anakin Skywalker lightsaber into the sands of Tatooine and considering it a way of paying respect is… I don’t know, hilariously in bad taste? Rey, dear, what did you have personally against the guy? Put those sabers to rest on Naboo! Ah, but we can’t truly acknowledge the PT now, can we? Wack.   
- It’s not TroS complete fault, that “honor” mostly sit at TFA’s feet but for all its omages, copies and almost slavish references, from a in-universe point of view it’s like the OT barely occurred. 
The same evil man has been defeated (until next time?), the Republic must be rebuilt from scratch, a evil military is all over the place and must be dealt with, the Jedi Order has to be rebuilt… it’s depressing. A new evil taking advantage of the empire leftovers would’ve been one thing, but Sidious? He’s been effectively winning nonstop ever since he was elected Chancellor. He had all the power, all the influence, all the control and he maintained it all even as a rotten corpse in exile, the entire galaxy marching on his tune, controlled by his strings. And as the cherry on top of the cake he even managed to wipe out the family that could’ve, should have been his undoing! He effectively destroyed the Skywalkers. He outlived every Jedi, every survivor, every clone. I hate this. It’s sickening. I can’t even be happy Rex was on Endor anymore.      
In general, the best word I can find for this movie is: coward. 
So blatantly desperate to please, to be “forgiven”, to reference every single irrelevant thing -except the PT and the TV series in a intelligent way-, to throw fanservice after fanservice after fanservice no matter how nonsensical from all over that crossed the “corny” to wander into embarrassing territory many times over (Maz giving Chewie a medal outta nowhere? Come the fuck on now). 
The cartoon series had twenty time the guts of this movie and I vehemently wish for Filoni to take the helm of the entire creative team in a very near future.                  
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obihoekenobi · 3 years
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dookus · 6 years
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Vagua, Minu, and Cziqe for 7 + 8! And maybe 9!
gonna put this under the cut because it’s hella long
Vagua:
7. did they name their ship, or is it just referred to as “the ship”?
Vagua’s ship is called the “Ardent Plague”. In my head it’s like 8x bigger than it is in the game and can hold a much larger amount of hooligans.
8. if they were a companion, what class would they be for and how would their missions go?
ooohhh boy. she’s definitely not the type to follow anyone around and do what they say so this is kind of a hard question. she’d definitely not be for any light side classes, that’s for sure. 
I’d say she’d probably work best for bounty hunter?
Her story would involve using you while she lays low and “shelters herself” (hides) from rivals, probably recovering from a botched ghost-eating ritual. Missions would mostly entail her trying to kill you in various ways or use you for her own gain. i’d imagine a mission to roughly go like:
Vagua: Your ship is a cesspool of filth and grime, just thought I’d let you know. Oh, by the way, one of my connections has located an ancient sith relic on Taris. The ritual to take it requires two people, so I thought I’d lower myself enough to ask you. Naturally the relic of no use to you but, [insert treasure hunter with a bounty on them] wants it, and I assume you’d want their head as well as an expensive evil sith rock?”
*the mission entails collecting the bounty on the treasure hunter, but also is just Vagua trying to feed you to the soul-sucking sith artifact to get more power out of it*
[player]: you tried to kill me!
Vagua: Oh don’t pout, hunter. It just wanted your life force because it knows you’re…erm…strong. So take it as a complement and not as a deviously planned act of betrayal. :)
She would not be romancable, but improving your relationship with her would mean she’d attempt to kill you less, and would instead use you for better things. Like taking down rival sith and emptying their bank accounts or something.
9. if time travel existed and they were thrown into the prequel/original/sequel trilogy, how would they react?
in the prequels, she’d probably laugh at how mediocre palpatine is (when compared to the overpowered planet-destroying-ghost-eating sith she’s used to) and would have a 50/50 chance of killing him and taking maul to be her new plaything (weapon), or just lurking and just meddling with palpy’s galactic takeover. if she did successfully beat him, she’d probably start a new sith order. wouldn’t have killed all the jedi or anything. just restored sith to their former glory and all that good stuff. no more rule of two. bleh. would definitely want to meet a nightsister.
original trilogy would probably just mean she lurks and as usual, causes drama for both sides of the current conflict. would probably lay low as a masked bounty hunter or something.
sequels would probably entail her kicking kylos ass and showing him what real sith power is. also kicking the first order’s ass and conquering some planets, remaking the empire. but she’d hand it off to someone else because politics are boring, and she’d just continue her days being a pain in the senate’s side.
Lym’in’uzi // Minu
7. did they name their ship, or is it just referred to as “the ship”?
Her ship is just called “the ship”. Always referred to as a “she”, though.
8. if they were a companion, what class would they be for and how would their missions go?
this could go in really different directions, since in my head, she defects and joins the republic. so pretty much any pub class would work, but I’m favoring trooper rn.
her story would entail having the player character be given the task of keeping tabs on her, as she’s freshly defected and isn’t trustworthy. she eventually gives out some vital information, and for reasons, she winds up having to join you in the field and prove her worth. from that point, she’d join you as a companion.
her missions would usually involve having imperial spies or assassins come for her in one way or another, and would wind up with the player letting her leave, or helping her out by stopping the imps.
minu: so, I know this sounds bad, but I think I might’ve spotted an imperial assassin following us while we were doing our business on [insert planet here]. You’re a bit too plain…I mean, not a huge target. So I think she was after…me?
Anyway, not good. Not at all good and I think I should probably go. Not forever, just long enough to make it look like you were just chaperoning me to my next location, rather than that I’m living in your ship. Don’t want you to be a target, hehe. That was nervous laughter, by the way.
*player can either choose to let her go [neutral], tell her that she’s being paranoid and to shut up [DS], or offer to help find and stop the assassin [LS].*
If the assassin is taken down, or she is allowed to leave, the convo would go:
minu: can you believe this?! an assassin. coming after me.
[player]: yeah, pretty scary.
minu: me! me of all people! i feel so important! terrified for my life too, but wow!
she’d be romancable, but would be a lot easier for femme players to romance. she’d also gain affection suuuuper easily with gifts.
9. if time travel existed and they were thrown into the prequel/original/sequel trilogy, how would they react?
10/10 would be a freedom fighter in any of those time periods.
cziqe
7. did they name their ship, or is it just referred to as “the ship”?
While pissed, Cziqe called it the  “SS I Don’t Give a Damn”. The name stuck, so that’s what the crew calls it. He just calls it his ship.
8. if they were a companion, what class would they be for and how would their missions go?
he would be the most scathingly mean companion and it would probably take the max amount of affection for him to even THINK of being remotely nice to you. I can’t even think of a reason why he’d want to follow anyone around or leave his ship. but if he did, most of his missions would be like.
[player]: where are you going?
cziqe:
i don’t have to explain anything to you, ugly. but since you asked, i’m going on a business trip. gonna tie up some loose ends on nar shaddaa. and by lose ends i mean entrails. i’m gonna rip out a guy’s entrails and tie him up in them. and if i leave now, his kids are probably gonna be there and I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces
*The player could either choose to disapprove and talk to him long enough to hold him up, making him miss his opportunity to catch the guy he’s looking for [LS option, disapprove but let him go [neutral], or join him on nar shaddaa even though he doesn’t want you to [DS]. If neutral, he’d return later and tell you how he got the guy but his kids weren’t there, and that your blabbing made him late and how he hates you. The [DS] option would entail finding the guy and helping cziqe off him, with the option to do it in front of his kids for added points*
[player, after returning from the mission]: so what’d that guy do, anyway?
cziqe:
he made fun of my hat.
cziqe would not be romancable, and giving him gifts would make him very suspicious at first. gradually, though, he’d hate you less. not sure how that would work since i’ve never imagined him not hating someone, but it’d happen.
9. if time travel existed and they were thrown into the prequel/original/sequel trilogy, how would they react?
in all of those time periods, he’d wind up being a crime lord (maul-style when he had everyone working for him in clone wars) and would be generally feared by both sides of whatever conflict. he’d only side with the republic/rebels/whatever because they’re a bit more lax when it comes to pardoning people and turning a blind eye to his crimes in favor of the supplies he can offer.
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