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#inspired by a post
bismutharts · 24 days
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'tis the season. happy april fools, and thanks to everyone whose jokes i copied down, so thanks to:
@toastyglow @ehlers-world-problems @streetlight-spam @spidermanifested and @fwizard
i have decided to do a zine challenge this april. a zine a day, hopefully, inspired by @koddlet's zinetober last year, so there's more to come, hopefully. i'm typing this on the 31st of march, so i'm giving myself a headstart
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you're so fucking welcome to cry in my bathroom. you hear me?
steal the spare key from under the doormat or the key under the shoe rack or the key in the flower vase or the kitchen drawer or my favorite candle-
or steal it right out of my pocket.
(what do you mean why do i have so many house keys? ask this house why it has so many ghosts and why they keep leaving me)
break in at 3 am and make yourself at home
cry in my doorway if you can't make it any further
I'll get out of bed and carry you up. we'll sit on the floor of my tiny dilapidated bath stall, going through the box of shitty make-up I never bought and try to laugh
or throw plastic potted plants out the window onto the rusty pile of baby bikes I never rode if you need to scream and watch something shatter. I'd trade a million styrofoam sunflowers for your laughter
or we'll just curl up in a tight ball and lay in the ancient tub, turn on the shower and weep and wail and sob and shout till we're floating in a salt water ocean
who cares if the tile floor's cold. I've got a dozen fluffy robes hooked on the door. We'll build a soft nest to crash on and a fort to protect us. we'll find the old paperbacks I hid in the the laundry basket and read till the sun rises and sets and explodes.
who cares about those stupid lumps of porcelain plastic. they're ugly and I never wanted them. I think I'd rather have you break them than the world break you.
who cares if the tub's a little rickety and the water's cold and the boiler's old and loud and slow and we'll get soaked to the bone.
I'll hold you till you stop crying. and then I'll hold you after. when you need to come back from where you left to. back to my senior citizen tub in my decrepit water closet in the house you're welcome to. back to me and all my goddamn keys for the same empty lock.
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kda-chat · 3 months
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Evelynn: This is serious. We need to practice stranger danger. I'll pretend to be the abductor in the car. You guys need to avoid being kidnapped. Got it?
Kai'Sa, Akali, and Ahri: Got it.
XXX
Evelynn, driving by: Hey, your girlfriend wants me to pick you up.
Akali: Nah, you're lying. She always picks me up herself.
Evelynn: Well, she sent me to do it. She got hurt.
Akali: No, thank you. Please go or I'll call the police.
Evelynn: I have spicy ramyun.
Akali:[Stops and considers it]
Evelynn: Babe, no. Keep walking.
XXX
Evelynn, driving by: Hey, Evelynn sent me to pick you up.
Ahri: I don't know you. Please leave me alone.
Evelynn: I have her credit card.
Ahri: Can I have it?
Evelynn: If you get in the car.
Ahri, entering the car: Okie!
XXX
Evelynn, driving by: Hey, Sivir asked me to pick you up.
Kai'Sa, jumping through the car window: OH THANK FUCK, KIDNAP ME PLEASE AND TAKE ME AWAY! GO, DRIVE, NOW!
XXX
After the social experiment is over...
Evelynn to Akali, Ahri, and Kai'Sa: You girls didn't even TRY.
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icycoldninja · 2 months
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Rapunzel (Sephiroth x Cloud)
A/N: Inspired by a post made by @meru-chanowo. Please note that this isn't going to be exactly like Tangled or the Rapunzel fairytales. The story is different; altered to fit the characters' personalities. With that short disclaimer out of the way, I hope you enjoy. 💜
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Sephiroth sighed as he stared out the window, taking in the lush scenery before him. The sky was a gorgeous light blue, dotted with fluffy white clouds; the grass was a shining green, and the dewdrops that had accumulated overnight were glistening brightly in the shining morning sun whose bright rays also illuminated the entire tower through the window.
"I wish I could go out there,"
He mumbled, folding his arms and resting his face in them. He'd spent his entire life confined in that tall, tall tower in the middle of nowhere; all he knew was the dull brick walls and the little snippet of the outside world provided by his tiny window.
"But Mother wouldn't let me..."
Mother Jenova was a strict, strict woman, who always insisted the outside world was a cruel, dangerous place full of evil people and disgusting creatures. Throughout his childhood and adolescence, she repeatedly told him that the safest place he could ever hope to be was within that tower, safe and sound. Sephiroth had believed her for most of his life, but recently, he began to wonder: Was the entire world that terrible? Was that small meadow visible from his tiny window the only part of the Earth that wasn't corrupted? These kinds of questions created curiosity; curiosity created hypotheses; hypotheses need to be tested.
Sephiroth wanted to leave the tower more than anything. He wanted to explore and see the world for himself, rather than rely on Mother Jenova's words. Not to mention, he was lonely. So, so lonely. The only person he'd ever spoken to was Mother Jenova, and as stated before, she was a strict, strict woman. She would never indulge in fantasies, theories, or even speak of "what-if's", she was all about facts, figures, and more importantly, Sephiroth's safety.
"This tower is the safest place you'll ever be in, child," She would tell him, while brushing his hair out as she did every night before bed. "Here, you'll never want, never need, and never fear. This tower is your home. Don't ever think about leaving it."
But that was the problem, Sephiroth wanted to want, he wanted to need and to fear; he desired so strongly to experience things for himself, to live his own life.
In short, Sephiroth wanted freedom.
"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair," Shouted a voice. Sephiroth turned to the window and saw Mother Jenova waving to him from below, her curvaceous, blue-skinned figure wrapped in a blue shawl, a basket of groceries under her arm. Sephiroth let out a low chuckle, as this was an inside joke between him and his mother. The length of his hair as well as his ethreal beauty made him quite similar to the fairytale princess. In reality, he did not use his hair for climbing purposes; Mother Jenova possessed the ability to levitate into the tower on her own.
"Did you miss me, child?" She asked, setting down her groceries on the small wooden table. "Very much so, Mother." Sephiroth answered, quietly. He had learned over the years that Mother Jenova expected a very specific reply to certain questions, and that if she didn't get it, she would scream and shout for hours, even after her throat turned hoarse. Sephiroth knew what she wanted: To be seen as the perfect, loving mother, the ultimate provider and the only person upon which he should ever depend. In order to keep the peace, he would have to make sure that his words convinced her this was true.
"Oh, while I was out getting groceries, I came across this lovely-looking book and thought you might like it." Mother Jenova fished a thick, hardcover book out of her basket and handed it to Sephiroth. "Thank you, Mother," He said, graciously accepting it. "I shall read it right away." Mother Jenova nodded proudly before heading to the window. "I'm afraid I must go away again," She said, though Sephiroth doubted she was actually afraid. For someone who held such a dark view of the world, Mother Jenova sure enjoyed traveling through it. "I have another errand to run, this one a bit long, so don't expect me home for several days." Sephiroth kept a placid smile as he responded, "I understand, Mother, I'll simply busy myself with this book." Mother Jenova smiled widely before leaning forward and planting a kiss on his hair. "I love you so much, my child. Be well, and know that the world is a dangerous place."
With that, she was gone, having leaped out the window and levitated off somewhere. Once she was gone, Sephiroth let out a loud sigh and leaned against the wall, the new book in his lap. Several times in his childhood, he'd asked to go with her on these errands, and each time, he'd been slapped across the face and told he was an ungrateful child. "When will I get to be free?" He wondered, absently fanning himself with his book.
The answer to his question was soon; very, very soon.
Sephiroth was leaning against the window, his long hair actually trailing out of it, reading the new book Mother Jenova had gotten him. It was an adventure novel, believe it or not, and reading it increased Sephiroth's desire to explore the world himself. He was so lost in the book, he never noticed the man on horseback speeding towards his tower-prison. "Hey!" The man shouted, causing Sephiroth to jump. Mother Jenova had always told him to avoid being seen by humans, should any stumble upon his residence. At this point, it was too late, as Sephiroth and his hair were perfectly visible by this strange blonde stranger, and his horse.
"You live here?" The guy shouted, nervously glancing behind himself for a moment. Sephiroth nodded, throwing aside his book, leaning out the window, and staring at this person intently. "Who are you?" The blondie scratched his head; his horse, which was an unusual bright red, neighed loudly. "I'm Cloud," He finally answered, sounding rather afraid. "Cloud Strife, merc-for-hire. But not right now." He cast another wary glance behind him and continued, "I'm being chased by The Turks. Think you could let me hide up in that tower?"
Several questions flashed across Sephiroth's mind. Who were the Turks? What was a "merc"? And why was he talking to this suspicious, yet oddly cute stranger? He was defying every rule Mother Jenova had ever set for him--and he was liking it!
"Sure, you can hide in here," He said, gripping the windowsill excitedly. "Except...I don't know how you'd get in." Cloud groaned and ran his hand down his face.
"How do you get in and out?"
"I don't. I live with my mother who does all the errands for me."
Cloud raised an eyebrow. "Well, how does she get in and out?"
Sephiroth shook his head again. "Levitation."
"Ah." Cloud frowned thoughtfully, looking around for something he could use to scale the tower. Then, he caught sight of Sephiroth's incredibly long, shiny hair. "Hey, how strong is that hair of yours?" He asked, completely serious. Sephiroth was taken aback for a second, his brain working to process this information. Eventually, he understood what Cloud meant.
"You want....to climb up my hair?" Cloud nodded; he didn't see any other way to get up into the tower.
"Alright...umm...come a little closer, then." Cloud obeyed, making the horde trot up to the tower wall where he was met with a very long, almost rope-like coil of shimmering white hair. Clearing his throat, Cloud grasped the long bundle, put his feet on the side of the wall, and began pulling himself upwards.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow," Sephiroth winced; having a full grown man climb up a 40 foot tower using only his hair was more painful than he'd thought. However, he gritted his teeth and stood there, waiting until Cloud reached the window. Then, he took the mercenary's hand and pulled him through.
"Nice place you got," Cloud remarked, once he was inside.
"Thank you," Responded Sephiroth, as he gathered up his hair and flung it over his shoulder.
"You said you live with your mom, right? Where is she now?"
Sephiroth sighed. "She's out...running errands. Or so she says."
Cloud turned around, a curious expression on his face. "What do you mean?"
Sephiroth folded his arms, feeling both guilty and excited. He knew he shouldn't be telling a guy he just met all about his personal life, but he couldn't resis. For the first time in his life, he was talking to a real human--someone other than his mother.
"She leaves to travel and collect things, and never tells me what they're for. She won't take me with her either. I've...been stuck in this tower since the day I was born."
Cloud frowned; his brow furrowed. "Really? Wow...that sucks. If...if you like...I could get you outta here." Cloud had no idea why he said that, especially considering that he was a wanted criminal in most major cities, but something about this strange, beautiful man struck him and made him want to help him out of this trapped life he seemed to be living. Cloud watched with bated breath as Sephiroth's glistening green eyes lighten, feeling his own face heat up in the process.
"You'd do that? Take me away? Why? You don't even know me." Cloud shrugged, not sure of his own reasoning himself. "I dunno... I just kinda want to. So....uhh.?.you interested?"
Yes. Yes, he was. Sephiroth was so interested that he would have flung himself out of the window if he could, but then he remembered something Cloud had mentioned earlier.
"Aren't you being chased by...turkeys, or whatever you called them?"
"Turks," Cloud corrected, "And yeah, I am. But it's OK, cause I'm hiding up here with you, and if we do get spotted, Red XIII can outrun them easily."
"Red XIII?" Sephiroth inquired, confused.
"My horse," Cloud clarified, pointing to the window. "He used to be a warhorse--very fast and very strong. The Turks got nothin' on him."
"So who are the Turks and why are you being chased by them?"
"The Turks work for the royal family, y'know, King Vincent and Queen Lucretia. They're after me cause I'm a mercenary--someone who performs odd jobs, usually violent ones, for money. I've pissed off more people than I can count, most of em upper-classmen." He turned to Sephiroth and realized that the long haired beauty had no idea what Cloud was talking about. "Uhh...you probably don't know what any of that meant, huh?" Sephiroth shook his head, retreating to the shadowy corner and folding his arms tightly across his chest. "No worries, once things calm down a little, we'll leave this place and I'll show you what the world's like." A wide smile spread across Sephiroth's face, one of genuine happiness that filled Cloud with a sense of warmth he'd never felt before.
"That would be lovely," Sephiroth said, a tiny blush beginning to form on his face. "I'm honestly quite excited to see the world...for myself." Cloud bobbed his head in agreement, placing his hands on his hips.
"It's settled then." Cloud stuck his head out the window and surveyed the ground below. "Looks like the Turks have given up the chase--I don't hear their horses anymore." He turned back to Sephiroth, a mischevious glint in his eyes. "Let's make our escape." Sephiroth nodded excitedly--perhaps a bit too excitedly, and sidled up to the mercenary, who leaped out of the tower and landed on his horse, who neighed loudly, but was otherwise unaffected. "Jump," Cloud instructed, holding his arms out. "I'll catch you." Sephiroth clambered onto the windowsill and hesitated; the drop was long and if he missed...
"Just jump," Cloud shouted again. "Red XIII's a tough dude, he can handle it!" That wasn't exactly what Sephiroth was worried about, but whatever. Sucking in a deep breath, Sephiroth took the leap, soaring out of the tower and literally crashing into Cloud's arms. Their eyes met; for a split second, Sephiroth thought he was staring up at a handsome prince.
"Right....should we go?" Cloud asked, looking rather anxious. Sephiroth blinked, then remembered the seriousness of the situation.
"Ah, yes, of course..." He allowed Cloud to lower him to the ground, then circled over to the back of the horse. With some difficulty, he managed to scramble onto it and wrap his hands around Cloud's lean waist.
"Ready to go?" Cloud asked, his face practically on fire.
"Yes, of course."
Though there was much he had left to learn about the world, the way things worked, and Cloud, the mercenary, one thing was certain: After years, and years of longing, Sephiroth was finally free.
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drarreckyninja · 3 months
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"The Cat" - a Criminal Minds fanfic
@bucker3911
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Rossi has never been a cat person. They're aloof and unpredictable as far as he's concerned. But when Hotch returns home with an orange tabby stray he's found in the parking lot, Rossi can't say no to that face. He tries to avoid the furball as much as possible, grimacing whenever it leaves dead animals or other surprises around the apartment. But watching Hotch with the cat is something else.
The unit chief has this way of totally relaxing whenever the cat is in his lap, gently petting its fur as it purrs contentedly. Even Rossi has to admit it's a sweet scene. So when Hotch invites him to join on the couch one evening, how could he refuse? Rossi settles next to Hotch, keeping a safe distance from the cat. But as the minutes pass, he finds himself so engrossed in a story Hotch is telling that he doesn't notice when the cat crawls into his lap, too. He tenses at first, but its steady purring is somehow... soothing.
Hotch suddenly realizes he really needs to use the bathroom. But the cat is quite comfortable and he doesn't want to disturb Rossi since he's only now warming up to their pet.
"Dave, I'm sorry, but I really have to pee," Hotch says, grimacing.
Rossi smiles. "Go ahead, Aaron. I think Mr. Whiskers and I are getting acquainted."
Meanwhile, across town in Morgan and Reid's apartment…
Reid has fallen asleep watching a documentary, his long limbs curled up in Morgan's lap. Derek smiles softly down at his boyfriend, running a gentle hand through Spencer's hair as he dozes. It's rare for the genius to fully relax like this. Unfortunately, after a few hours, Morgan starts to squirm. He really needs to use the bathroom, but there's no way he's going to wake Reid from a much-needed rest. Carefully trying to ease out from under him only results in Spencer tugging himself closer with a soft murmur, like a sleepy kitten.
Derek sighs. There's nothing for it - he'll just have to hold it until their roommate Penelope gets home. Thankfully, it isn't much longer before he hears her chatting away as she enters.
"Garcia!" Morgan whisper-shouts. "I really gotta pee, but Pretty Boy won't budge. Think you can get him off me for a sec?"
Penelope stifles a giggle at the predicament. "Aww, you two are too cute. Let Aunt Penny handle it."
With expert care, she gently lifts Reid's head into her lap as a substitute. Morgan nods his thanks and bolts for the bathroom, leaving Garcia to admire how utterly relaxed Spencer is as he sleeps. Just another day in their unconventional little family.
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lovelastart · 6 months
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True love's kiss still the same after years
Inspired by this amazing post
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headchamberlain · 2 months
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"Me when I have the killing people with a rock autism and not the being good at math or science autism :C"
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purlturtle · 2 years
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Shoot your shot!
"Holy smokes, Mykes, d'you see that hot lady at the fountain?"
Myka blinked, looked at Pete, craned her neck to look around herself - but there was just the one fountain; this had to be the one Pete meant. And there was only one person busying herself at said fountain.
Helena.
Myka knew Pete thought that Helena was hot - of course she knew; everybody knew. Pete was... pretty indiscriminate with his attributions of hotness. Steve got them, Claudia got them until she put a stop to them (and good for her, Myka thought), Myka herself had gotten them. And okay, right before going on that runway in New York she'd needed it, but after that? She'd put the kibosh on that pretty quickly. Steve was too polite to comment, and Helena?
Myka would bet a pretty penny, or a cleanly handsome twenty dollar bill, that Pete was scared to bring any potential attributions of hotness he felt for Helena to Helena's attention.
So why had he-?
He was grinning, and mugging furious, nodding his head towards Helena in... encouragement?
Myka looked back towards the fountain; Helena had finished refilling her water bottle and was now drinking from it. Head tilted back, one more shirt button open than strictly necessary (as per usual), one hand elegantly holding the stainless steel bottle, the other stemmed at her waist, she cut a- yes, a hot silhouette, Myka had to admit. The way Helena's throat moved as she drank, the fact that a droplet of either water or sweat was making its merry way down her cleavage-
"I'm gonna ask her on a date," Myka said decisively, then gave Pete a grin halfway between triumphant and nervous.
"Atta girl," Pete exclaimed, and held up a hand for a high-five. "Go shoot your shot!"
Myka made her way over to Helena, not caring to quieten her approach. When she was only a few steps away, Helena let the bottle sink, turned to Myka, and gave her a very slow, very appreciative once-over.
"Fancy meeting you here," she drawled, corners of her mouth twitching as she suppressed a smile, but otherwise the picture of ardent interest.
Myka did her best to play along, but pickup lines had never been her forte. Then again, she knew for a fact that Helena liked a direct approach. "You're really cute. Wanna go out with me?"
Helena's eyebrows rose, and so did the corners of her mouth. Again, her gaze trawled lazily down and back up Myka's body. When her eyes met Myka's again, the smirk persisted. "Happily," she replied, head cocked in invitation.
Myka couldn't help the smile that bloomed on her face. She quickly schooled her face back into a cooler mien; it wouldn't do to appear too eager - but then, eager she was, charade or not. And Helena knew it, but still. It didn't really fit the scene, did it.
"I'll pick you up at-?" Myka left the question hanging; she might not have the best pickup lines, but once communication was established, she was usually good and smooth.
"Five," Helena replied immediately. "I'll be done at five."
"I'll be there," Myka nodded, and gave Helena the smile she knew Helena liked so much; the one where she lifted just the one corner of her mouth. Bingo, she thought when she got a smoldering smirk in return.
"Until then," Helena nodded, twisted the cap back onto her water bottle, and headed back into the stacks.
"Ayooo, Mykes!" Pete shouted, grinning like the blazes and both hands up for more high-fiving. "You got game, lady!"
Myka hooked her thumbs into her belt loops and sauntered back to him. "I know," she drawled, in her best Leia Organa imitation, and then gave in to the high-five invitation.
"You'd never know that was your wife."
She socked him for that, but she grinned while she did so, and so did he.
Helena was her wife. And Myka had a date with her after work.
Life was good.
-_-_-
insp.
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Concept
During especially groggy days, Plo forgot he spoke Shryiiwook
so he'd just be like 'wtf why did my master just bark at me'
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carpyow · 2 years
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Damian: Grayson, why does Anders/Wilson/West/Harper/Gordon call you babygirl?
Dick: .....
Dick: Let's not talk about that yeah, oh look a dog
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bismutharts · 27 days
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image description applying to all images: pictures of a small (a7) booklet featuring two birds, one green and one orange, talking to eachother, photographed in front of some plants and garden tiles. end ID.
i'd already made some art of this post by @jennythebot but the image it conjured in my mind was so delightful to me i decided to make a whole zine. this is my first printed zine! new skill unlocked!
in conclusion:
birds appreciate my tiny photographs! why is nobody talking about this?
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memorytales · 10 months
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life and no escape i’ve been thinking as of late about who we love and who we hate about what makes us believe in fate all the sorrows we’re left to taste happy moments no one can waste ah, love, put your hands around my waist we’re alive and there’s no escape if only we could spread love like the plague ! give me a proper kiss, don’t be chaste for all the seconds we’re told to wait flustered skin, pupils dilate gentle sin, you’re my favourite date i’ve been reminiscing as of late...
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goldensunset · 8 months
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advice i think we should tell children is that when adults say stuff like ‘now that i’m an adult i get really excited about stuff like coffee tables and bathrooms and rugs etc’ they don’t mean ‘and now i don’t care about blorbo and squimbus from my childhood tv shows anymore’ bc your average adult still loves all the same pop culture stuff they always did; they just have a greater appreciation for the mundane as well. growing up just means you can enjoy life twice as much now. you can get really excited about a new stuffed animal AND about a new kitchen sponge. peace and love
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violent138 · 3 months
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Starting to think a cooler headcanon for Clark’s upbringing might just be that the entire town of Smallville collectively decided to just go with it and accept that Martha and John's kid has superpowers, but we don't talk about it.
Someone's tractor gets stuck and nothing can get it out? "Be a dear and run down to the Kents, would you? Ask for Clark?"
"Why Clark, we need a machine--"
"Run along now."
Or if he kicks too hard and the football vanishes into the upper stratosphere, no it didn't, we all collectively saw it land over there *vague hand movements*
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itsbrucey · 4 months
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Big fan of sun motifs in characters not necessarily being about positivity and happiness and how they're so " bright and warm" but instead being about fucking brutal they are.
Radiant. A FORCE of nature that will turn you to ash. That warmth that burns so hot it feels like ice. Piercing yellow and red and white. A character being a Sun because you cannot challenge a Sun without burning alive or taking everything down with them if victorious.
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what-iz-life · 1 month
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people need to understand that once you go through your worst time alone, you really don’t care who stays in your life anymore.
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