#internalized transphobia

[suzukiblu]

Ko-fi thank-you sentences for Lux; Kon is too trans for this pregnancy shit. TW: internalized transphobia.

“I’m sorry,” Kon says, voice painfully tight and this close to cracking. “I didn’t–I was gonna–”

He was gonna . . . what, exactly? Tell Clark? Because actually, no, he really wasn’t. He was never going to. 

He never would’ve, if he’d had the choice. 

“Talk to me, Kon,” Clark says, gentling his grip on his wrist and stepping in closer. Kon feels nauseous. Feels weak and stupid and like the worst fucking person he could possibly be. Feels like a fake. 

Like a liar. 

He’s always, always been a liar. He was born one. 

“I’m not a real guy,” he manages, digging his fingers into his arm. “I mean–Cadmus made me wrong. Like, they fucked up and I–I came out wrong. So I’m . . .” 

“When you say not ‘real’ . . .” Clark trails off, just barely frowning. Kon ducks his head. Stares down at the blurry dirt. Doesn’t fucking cry, because he’s not that pathetic.

He’ll cry when Clark can’t see him being pathetic. 

“I mean I’m trans,” he says. “I just–I’ve got, you know . . . I’m pre-op, or whatever. So I can still–so I’m pregnant.” 

Does Clark even know what the fuck “pre-op” actually means? He’s a smart guy, he knows a lot of shit; he must, right? He’s got the eidetic memory thing going for him, if nothing else. And it’s, like . . . kind of intuitive anyway, right? 

God, he doesn’t want to talk about this. He doesn’t want to have ever had to talk about this. Why does he have to talk about this? 

“Okay,” Clark says, his own voice a little tight now. He doesn’t let go of Kon’s wrist. “Kon. That’s not–that doesn’t make you not a ‘real’ man. Not to anyone who matters. Certainly not to me.” 

“I’m pregnant,” Kon says bitterly, choking on the words. “I didn’t–I’m not–I’m not a real man. I’m not–I’m just this fucking fucked-up idiot who can’t even use fucking birth control right!” 

“I can take you to the Fortress. Get either prenatal care or an abortion set up for you. No one you don’t want to tell would have to know either way,” Clark says very, very gently, and alright, apparently Kon is going to be pathetic enough to cry in front of him, he realizes as his eyes start burning with definitely-not-heat-vision. “As far as I’m concerned you can stay up there ‘til they’re born, if you want. Just tell everyone they’re a binary clone too, or that I let you use the birthing matrix to make them.” 

Kon is going to do a lot worse than just cry a little, actually. 

He can’t even say anything to that offer. He just bursts into helpless, body-wracking sobs, and Clark wraps him up in his arms and tucks his face into his shoulder as he strokes his back. 

Kon doesn’t know how he feels about the fact that both of the people he’s told about this so far have offered to lie for him about it. 

Instead of getting mad at him for lying about it, he means.

#lux #wip: kon is too trans for this pregnancy shit #internalized transphobia #long post

[hubbleablubble]

Comic about a young drow woman starting to figure out that she may not be a woman at all; what could be construed as a beginning of Ven'axtha's story. The rest of the comic lies under the readmore!

#drow #hubble draws #Ven'axtha #comic #RHGRHGHRRGH IT'S DONEEEEE #my style remains inconsistent but I had a lot of fun with thissss #specifically with panelling. I was experimenting a lot with it :> #hits Venny with the projection beam. BWAHHHH get hit with transgenderism lmfao. #internalized transphobia #ask to tag #not pictured: Alaunidil agonizing over this for a few years before abruptly going ''AGH I'M A MAN. I'M LEAVING NOWWWW''

[intersexfairy]

i am a trans man and one day i will love myself. even if not today. i am not doomed to hate myself for being a trans man. no matter how much i hurt right now, i will be happy. i will be my truest self. i will have pride. and it will be okay. one day.

#ok to rb #ifairy #trans man #transmasc #transman #trans guy #transboy #trans boy #transmasculine #internalized transphobia #transandrophobia #antitransmasculinity #transandromisia #transphobia #queerphobia #trans #trans pride #ftm #xtm #mtm #queer #queer pride #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ #lgbtq+ #lgbt+

[uncanny-tranny]

This might be a very specific experience, but I think a huge reason I didn't even realize or even want to be bisexual was specifically because of this intersection of my manhood and the way it's viewed

There's this toxic merry-go-round I find myself riding where I am so desperate to not be one of those guys to a woman that it winds up being an inability to connect to women* because of this hyperpolicing I end up doing. For the longest time, I repressed myself because of this impulse, and I find it interesting. It's interesting seeing how this aspect of patriarchy impact me in such a way that I was too afraid of myself and the people around me.

As a trans man, I felt the pressure to prove both that I'm not one of those men, but also, that I wasn't this predatory trans man, that anything I did was in service to proving why I should (or should not) continue to exist. Simultaneously, I am both not a man, but also a predatory man because of my transness, a threat to be contained. I felt this before as somebody who is multisexual, but it somehow affects me more in the aspect of how I interact with women* and womanhood* from the outside.

There isn't an overarching theme to this post, a message about what you can do. It's mostly reflecting on my experiences and thinking about where my impulse to think myself as guilty until proven innocent plays into how I've started viewing myself. I don't want to overgeneralize, but I've seen this expressed by many a trans man*.

#trans #transgender #bi #bisexual #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #internalized transphobia #internalized queerphobia #i definitely had to work through ingernalized homophobia but i have been actively trying to combat that so it isn't ALWAYS a problem #and i of course get why this is also not good - i think it's a reminder that (though it looks different) patriarchy hurts ALL of us #i'm not saying that my experiences are the same as everybody else - but i do notice this transphobic narrative around my fellow (trans) man #for the longest i didn't /want/ to be bi+ because it felt like i was addong another layer of respectability... #...like in my mind it was bad enough being gay and trans but adding another group of people who'd be forced to see me? miss me with that #that was my thought process in it all because i have had so much transphobic rhetoric regurgitated at me that it just got hard to resist #and that's a shameful thing - to admit that you're Struggling and it is Not Pretty #so i think that's part of why i decided to talk about this. i think it's a wound some people have learned to hide but not treat #massive déjà vu right now because i feel like this So Often. some days are better than others but it's hard to soldier through

[genderqueerblog]

Genderqueer culture is being raised in a homophobic household and country so acting like cis and wondering if you are really gender fluid, trans etc. Or just faking it

December 6, 2023.

#genderqueer #genderqueer culture #closeted genderqueer #questioning genderqueer #imposter syndrome #homophobia #transphobia #internalized transphobia

[fizzy-dizzie]

Trans Sam headcannies blink blink batting eyelids (BC I don't talk abt the TRUTH enough)

Binders wouldn't have been super accessible in the 90s-00s so I imagine he used some less safe methods.

He'd bind for wayyy longer then he was ment to

If he was on a hunt he kinda didn't have many options

He'd sit on the bed finally when they got back to a motel and just breathe deep breaths for a while

His ribcage just perpetually hurt, he was used to it

He started T in college and got top surgery not long after

Dean had known about him being trans long before Sam left for college but he didn't really understand how serious Sam was about it until he came to get Sam to find his dad and 'oh my god that's a whole ass man'

Dean helped him cut his hair real short tho when they were young

John was not very impressed when that happened

John didn't know until they saw eachother post college

John didn't really get it. He was a very 'your ruining your body' type dad but honestly I think he would have had bigger problems on his mind to make a big fuss out of it (John winchester makes a big fuss out of everything so maybe more, he wouldn't make a MASSIVE fuss)

Sam was disappointed about his dad's lack of support but it was expected

Dean was very impressed by the top surgery job. Actually, considering he had never even seen one before, he was probably amazed.

Sam used to do research about what a trans person was in libraries on the computers

Most of his gender envy (/jealousy?) would have come from dean

Sam didn't really realise till he hit his pre-teen years

But he only found a name for how he felt at like 13-14

He told Dean about a year later

"I don't really understand much of what your saying, but if that's how you feel I just want to know that if that's what makes you happy.. I can get behind that, okay?" -Dean

Sam didn't cry but he gave Dean a massive hug. Emphasis on DID NOT cry those little water marks on Dean's shirt must've already been there.

Sam could only get so much from the internet so when he met another trans guy at college he was super excited and was able to learn a lot

He hated it when the showers in motels had mirrors right across from them

He'd leave the fan off intentionally so the mirror would fog up

#i wonder if young sam had known about angels would he have prayed to be a boy? #would he have begged and asked why he couldnt have been born right? #would he have gotten any answers? #or would angels see him for a sinner and never respond #would he still have his faith in god then? #trans sam winchester #trans sam truther #sam winchester ftm #sam winchester headcanon #sam winchester #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #john winchester #internalised transphobia #but just like a lil #internalized transphobia #internalised? internalized? #idk #t boy swag

[transenbyconfessions]

TW: Porn, body dysmorphia.

i love watching trans (ftm) prn because it makes me feel like i can actually be sexually desired. i have a lot of issues with that as it has made me want to just stay a girl etc. i know i can be loved romantically but sometimes its hard to know that some cis Gay men would actually desire my trans body.

Submitted July 5, 2023

#trans #transgender #trans masc #transmasc #trans masculine #transmasculine #trans man #trans boy #transgender man #transgender boy #trans guy #transgender guy #ftm #afab #internalized transphobia #body dysmorphia

[feminist-fog]

The person from Prager U’s new propaganda film that is being advertised on youtube admits they still feel dysphoric.

I would be mad at them for spreading transphobia but I can’t help feel sorry for them. They were clearly abused and forced deep into the closet through trauma.

I hope in the future they are able to break free and be their true self instead of what conservatives force them to be.

The way they talk about themself is so heartbreaking. I remember back when I forced myself to be cis I felt the same depression.

#feminism #feminist #trans inclusive feminism #transphobia #internalized queerphobia #internalized transphobia #detrans mention

[louis-the-french-one]

Joel Miller x Teen!GN Reader

AFAB Reader

Request : *verbal request from my friend* Can I have a Joel Miller fic of Reader coming out to Joel as Trans after they get attacked? Platonic/Parental relationship !

Type : Comfort

Relationship : Platonic/Parental

Summary : While on the road to get to Tommy, Joel and Reader get attacked, they get out just fine but Reader is exhausted, which leads to Reader coming out as trans and explaining that they wear a binder

Warnings : self-hatred, internalized transphobia, abusive wear of binder (BE SAFE MY LOVELY PEOPLE), coming-out, violence, swear words

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ 

You and Joel were still looking for Tommy and had stopped in a town to get some more food and supplies. While wandering in the lonely streets, you had suddenly heard people talking just across the street.  Three raiders were coming your way. It took only a second for Joel to notice them as well.

“Fuck! Run Y/N, Run” Joel suddenly whispered/screamed.

“Fucking hell Joel ! Fuck!” You said, startled.

You did as asked and ran to safety in a nearby house. Joel though, quickly hid behind an old car and took the raiders by surprise, killing one from a bullet before going to fight the other two with a knife, whom ran towards him. While Joel was fighting them the best he could, and you were hiding, you quickly realised he was gonna need help seing he had managed to kill another one but the last was putting up a great fight. Taking a deep breath, already tucking at your binder, you opened the back door of the house and ran as fast as you could to where Joel had parked the car, you knew he had extra shotguns in there, though he never let you use them.

Running as fast as you could, it took you a few minutes to get to the car, you took a shotgun he had hidden in the trunk, loaded it, took bullets with you and got ready to run again. Your ribcage was already killing you, ‘now is not the time to take my binder off’, you thought. Even out of breath you got back to running. You tripped a few times, your mind dizzy from the pain and the lack of air. You manage to get back to Joel whom was struggling, stuck under the last raider alive, He put all his strength into stopping the knife that was currently threatening to stab his throat.

Once you got a few meters away from the scene, you stopped and lifted the shot gun. Your vision was blurry but you had to do it, you had to help Joel. Gathering all the strength you had left and taking one last short breath, you shot the raider in the arm, hurting him just enough so that Joel could get back on top of him, steal his knife and cut his throat.

But your brain had reached its limits, you fell to the ground, desperately tucking your binder in a last desperate attempt at breathing,you just needed a little more air. Joel, instantly worried about you, ran to your side and picked up your head, laying it on his legs.

“Are you okay?! Fuck Y/N are you hurt!?” Joel asked you in a grave voice.

“Hm Hm, yeah, I’m fine, I just need to catch my breath” You whispered, your eyes were closed. You were focused on trying to breathe through your stomach.

“Y/N look at me, you don’t seem fine”Joel said. You could sense the panic in his voice although it was steady.

“I- I ... I can’t breathe, give me a minute please”You said, your voice cracking up with each word.

“Why? Why Y/N ? let me see”With his words Joel went to lift up your shirt but you quickly stopped him, your eyes now open and looking right at him.

“NO! No... Please, Joel, Don’t...”You struggled to breathe. “Don’t look.”

“Y/N please, I need to know what’s wrong.”

Your head was spinning, your eyes were in his. Not knowing what was happening anymore, you decided to tell him. You knew you would have to say it someday, well today was the day, right there, hardly breathing in his arms.

“I’m just, I’m... I’m wearing a binder Joel...” You waited but he didn’t say anything, of course he didn’t understand what you meant. “I’m trans, Joel. I’m wearing a binder, to compress my chest.”

“Okay”He simply said.

“Yeah, just give me a few minutes”You repeated, very nervous.

You and Joel stayed like that, your head on his lap, in complete silence for a few minutes. His gaze alternated between you and the streets, checking for any danger. Yours was fixed on him, still waiting for him to say something, anything. Finally, after what felt like forever, you breath steadied and your head stopped spinning.

“I’m sorry”You said suddenly.

“For what?”Joel replied.

“For what I said, for fainting, for who I am...”You started crying.

“Hey, it’s okay kid. I can’t force you take off that thing. It seems important to you” Joel assumed respectfully.

“It is, it really is” You quickly noted.

“And if it stops your breathing obviously it’s gonna make you faint,it’s fine,just be careful, you won’t have to save my ass next time hopefully.” He laughed a bit at the end. “And never apologise for who you are kid, you do you, I respect that”

“But, But it’s not normal, I’m not normal Joel.. I-I hate myself and I hate my body, and I hate how I have to wear this binder to feel like myself while it kills me slowly and put us in danger. Fuck, I’m so sorry Joel”You are left sobbing on his lap, turning to hide your face.

Joel lifted you and hugged you tightly. One of his hand in your hair caressing it to sooth you.

“shhh, it’s okay, you’re just a kid you’ll be fine, we’ll be fine. You are you and it’s all that matters. I am not mad at you. I just want you to know I see you as you and nothing else, this thing or not I don’t care. What I care about is you, and I'm sure if your chest really bothers you we can find a doctor that can do something about it. It’s okay kid” He declared.

“Thank you, thank you so much Joel” You continued crying, but were relieved.

“It’s okay, now let’s get going, it’s not safe to stay out there”He reminded you.

Eventually Joel let go off you and helped you get up. He smiled softly at you before taking the shotgun and walking back the car. You had had enough action for today.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

!Reminder that english is not my first language, be kind in the comments!

#joel miller #pedro pascal #joel miller x reader #the last of us #the last of us x reader #coming-out fic #self-hatred #internalized transphobia #comfort #dad!joel miller #teen!reader #be safe with binders #yes even in the apocalypse #x gender neutral reader #afab reader #x reader

[antiterf]

To any person who has felt internalized transphobia, if you feel the world is against you, then know that I support you. It can be so hard hating yourself and hating the group you belong to. It takes so much work to even begin to feel comfortable with yourself, even more with your community. Even if what I say to you politically wise is too much, that it’s too far. Even if you’ve hurt other trans people, it doesn’t matter in how much I care for you. I still care about you because I have been the person crying about how much they’re a freak in the bathroom mirror. I care about you because it’s unfair for you to endure this hardship. No matter what, I want you to get through this, and I’d be overjoyed if you promised to survive it.

No matter what, just please, never forget that you are human. You are never less than human. 

#So the book I'm trying to write I ended up writing this for #And it's one of the more heartfelt things I've written #and even if it seems controversial that's part of the point #when you have a lot of internalized shit you don't exactly feel like anyone would be on your side #Because obviously the people who agree with your self hatred aren't #and the ones you've hurt have no responsibility to do so either with every right to hate you #I may not see the actions as justifiable but i still know that pain and I still care for the people who are going through it #and yes that includes the people who have hurt me #notaterftip #not sarcasm #internalized transphobia

[suzukiblu]

Further adventures in transfemme!Kon, her Amazon soulmoms, and her personal gender crisis. (( tw: internalized transphobia, internalized misgendering ))

It's a little weird, thinking too much about Hope and Mercy–specifically, thinking too much about gorgeous badass women who can kick ass and take names who he isn't remotely attracted to. 

That he can't distract himself with being attracted to, he means. 

Kon is . . . Kon is pretty good at distracting himself, usually. 

Or at distracting . . . 

Distracting herself, thinks Kon's traitor of a brain, and he immediately buries the thought in concrete and drops it off a skyscraper to smash to pieces on the sidewalk far, far below. 

It's just–it's harder than usual to do that, when he's thinking about a pair of women like Hope and Mercy and can't veer off into sex fantasies or casual perving or even just general aesthetic appreciation. 

It's one thing to be bi. Being bi is like . . . whatever. It's barely even a thing. Like, Kon's not even that bi, he just knows how to appreciate the occasional Nightwing passing through his life. And he doesn't have to really change anything about himself or do anything different from what he's always done, being bi, and no one even knows he is unless he deliberately tells them. It's not, like, obvious or anything. 

So it's one thing to be bi. 

It's another thing entirely to look at an Amazon and think, fuck, forget Superman, I wanna grow up and be HER. 

Like–that's not just a thing. That's a fucking problem.

#kon el #conner kent #superboy #rinfic #wip: amazon kon #internalized transphobia #internalized misgendering

[tomboy-brainwasher]

Do I have the “wrong” hobbies for my Gender?

If I had a nicked for every time a transfem told me “I love fashion and costuming, but I don’t think I’m cut out for it”, or a transmasc assumed they would personally be “incapable” of woodworking, leatherworking, etc (unrelated to any disability) I’d have a lot of fucking nickels!!

There’s more than a few polls and studies out there connecting childhood games and toys with job-outcome. 

"men tend to describe technology as a toy, while women tend to describe technology as a tool" [https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13691180701409960] “Overall, mothers’ and fathers’ behaviors were better predictors of children’s gender-role attitudes than parents’ ideology.” [https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-015-0539-0] Based on polling, under “What Influences Dream Careers” look at it and tell me how many transfems weren’t given craft supplies or fashion barbies as gifts and how many transmascs were scolded away from engineering and hot wheelz.

 Everyone starts out a little messy and confused about how to perform a new skill. Rarely is someone ‘already good’, just take joy in discovering a new skill.

Never worry about whether you’re “not the right person” for a hobby.

#gender roles #Internalized Transphobia #transgender #transmisandry #transmisogyny #exorsexism #enbyphobia #transandrophobia #transunitism #transphobia #trans #transexual #trans community #cissexism #transunity #hobbies #sewing #costuming #fashion #mtf #ftm #ftx #mtx #engineering #trans people in stem #stem #internalized misogyny #internalized transandrophobia #internalized transmisogyny

[intersexfairy]

i want to look like a pretty girl except be a boy but instead i just look like an androgynous mess. i'm trying to love myself but it's hard.

#julian rants #dysphoria #internalized transphobia

[uncanny-tranny]

I remember once I made a comment about having a crush on a woman, then laughing it off by saying, "she's straight, anyhow..." and my friends were almost... offended, saying I am a man, isn't she straight? Isn't the point of being straight, for a woman, being attracted to men?

But I think it is deeper than that. I've internalized the sense that if somebody is into men, they won't be into men in such a way that includes me. I've internalized that message so deeply that I think it warped my own perspective and has caused me to miss out on a few opportunities had I accepted that... if you exist, there's somebody who is going to be into what you have.

I've been watching this video, I've probably rewatched it three times already, and man, I wish it came out when I was deeper in that mindset. To anybody who was in that position the way I was: I promise that viewpoint isn't correct for everybody, and believing it is universal is only hurting you. I know exactly how hard it is to feel the way you do, and hell, I still have lapses where I'm back to feeling that way. But that doesn't mean it is universal. That doesn't mean that your only worth is being hidden away - in fact, it's entirely incorrect.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #internalized transphobia #this is like my second or third time sending people to that channel lmao but i have found it really helpful #if the hyperlink doesn't work i am going to commit multiple class-A felonies and a couple class-c misdemeanors /j #the video does address men but i think it can apply to a lot more people than just men

[unboyfriendable]

any other fellow trans people(!!specifically!!) have a weird little moment sometimes when seeing someone's before and after transition photos like.... they looked more trans in the "before" photo?? it's so hard to explain. pretty sure it's mostly internalized transphobia causing this but the person just looks so much more like themself in the "after" that it's this weird dissonance. like the only reason i feel that way is because i've been conditioned to think that trans people look wrong or wonky in some way, and the leftovers of that harmful mindset make it so that i have to remind myself that people really are happier and more confident after transition.

i will be happier, too.

#personal #trans #transandrophobia #transgynophobia #transmisandry #transmisogyny #internalized transphobia #trans issues

[aroaceconfessions]

Sometimes I get the feeling that I've managed to deceive myself and I'm actually a straight girl (I am neither straight nor a girl) this whole time and very often this is brought on by thinking fictional men are hot like. Why. I'm just aego. I know this. I would like to be able to simp without feeling like a traitor to the entirety of the ace community thanks brain.

#asexual #ace #aspec #acespec #aegosexual #internalized acephobia #internalized aphobia #imposter syndrome #internalized transphobia #misgendering #self misgendering